Dockyard in Kent, England searching for chief scorpion wrangler
November 20, 2024 5:42 AM   Subscribe

Dockyard in Kent, England searching for chief scorpion wrangler. The Blue Town Heritage Centre on the Isle of Sheppey is advertising for a chief scorpion wrangler to keep an eye on a colony of scorpions which have been living in the walls of Sheerness Dockyard, opposite the centre, for more than 200 years.

Centre boss Jenny Hurkett, 75, said: "They are one of our island’s strangest tourist attractions. People come from far and wide to catch a glimpse of them after the sun goes down.

"But we want someone to monitor them to ensure they are safe. No-one else seems to be looking out for them."

The yellow-tailed scorpions have been living on Sheppey for more than 200 years.

It is believed they hitched a ride to Britain in the early 1800s on ships bringing granite blocks to Sheppey during the reign of King George III to help build the dockyard wall, which was completed in 1813.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries (43 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
 
"But we want someone to monitor them to ensure they are safe. No-one else seems to be looking out for them."

They seem to be doing fine without any help!
posted by chavenet at 5:51 AM on November 20, 2024 [2 favorites]


"The Sheppey arachnids are tiny – growing to no longer than 45mm

A 4.5 cm / 1.8" long scorpion is tiny? Relative to what, elephants?

Maybe arthropods in Britain just tend to be unusually large, so this is small by comparison.
posted by fimbulvetr at 6:00 AM on November 20, 2024 [2 favorites]


A 4.5 cm / 1.8" long scorpion is tiny? Relative to what, elephants?

Relative to other species of scorpion like the Emperor Scorpion (Pandinus imperator), where adults average about 20 centimetres (7.9 in) in length and a weight of 30 g.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 6:14 AM on November 20, 2024 [11 favorites]


Relative to scorpions that are four times longer and weigh over an ounce, I guess.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:14 AM on November 20, 2024 [1 favorite]


Relative to Scotland's pulmonoscorpius, which is over two feet long.
posted by mittens at 6:30 AM on November 20, 2024 [8 favorites]


If we can start the rumor that climate change will bring back such creatures as that polmoNOPEscorpius, I think we’d stop burning fossil fuels that same day.
posted by drowsy at 6:38 AM on November 20, 2024 [10 favorites]


Relative to Scotland's pulmonoscorpius, which is over two feet long.

The failure to use the past tense in this sentence should be a crime.

So presumably there is some native predation on these guys to keep them in check? Or is the climate harsh enough that it's a struggle for them to thrive beyond their little colony?
posted by Atreides at 6:55 AM on November 20, 2024 [4 favorites]


Those are about half the size on average of Florida’s scorpions, which have stung me plenty of times. I reckon I’m qualified for the job.
posted by toodleydoodley at 7:17 AM on November 20, 2024 [1 favorite]


Had to hire a feral pig wrangler at a uranium mine once. Went well.
posted by GamblingBlues at 7:23 AM on November 20, 2024 [16 favorites]


Had to hire a feral pig wrangler at a uranium mine once. Went well.

I'm listening.
posted by Optamystic at 7:32 AM on November 20, 2024 [12 favorites]


Legit question - How do I kill the 30-50 glowing feral hogs that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small glowing kids play?
posted by orange ball at 7:41 AM on November 20, 2024 [18 favorites]


The glowing feral hogs are intentional, please do not disrupt our multi-millenium plan to safeguard the uranium site
posted by Slackermagee at 7:47 AM on November 20, 2024 [6 favorites]


Do not taunt glowing feral hogs.
posted by nickmark at 7:48 AM on November 20, 2024 [7 favorites]


Relative to Scotland's pulmonoscorpius, which is over two feet long.

Holy cats, found in West Lothian? Seventeen miles away from where I'm sitting right now?

You know those moments when something terrible happens somewhere you've visited recently and you think, "Wow, if I'd been there only a few days/weeks/months later than I was, I could totally have been killed"—well, that, except for "days/weeks/months" substitute "hundred million years".
posted by rory at 7:56 AM on November 20, 2024 [13 favorites]


The Sheppey arachnids are tiny – growing to no longer than 45mm
> Relative to what, elephants?


This smacks of "journalist who's a bit vague on conversions and thinks that anything measured in mm is tiny".

The photographer whose UV photo they used has some nice ones in normal light, where "nice" is my euphemism for "AAIIIIEEEEEE!".

I must admit that I'm giving this whole story some side-eye, with lines like "We want someone to monitor them to ensure they are safe. No-one else seems to be looking out for them.” In my experience, the usual stance to take towards introduced species on islands, especially venomous ones that have a chance of spreading as the climate warms, is to KILL THEM, EXTERMINATE THEM, MONITOR THEM TO ENSURE THEY ARE SAFELY CONTAINED PENDING ERADICATION.

But in their proper place, marvels of nature, endlessly fascinating, look at his smol little stinger, etc.
posted by rory at 8:18 AM on November 20, 2024 [3 favorites]


Relative to Scotland's pulmonoscorpius, which is over two feet long.

It took me way too long to realise that you were talking about fossils, and not some lurking horror in the depths of the highlands that I had somehow just missed the memo about for two decades of living here.

I mean, it probably only took about two seconds and that was still way too long.
posted by automatronic at 8:23 AM on November 20, 2024 [7 favorites]


I wasn't too excited about poking around in the dark looking for scorpions until they told me I could wear an old-style explorer’s pith helmet!

Where do I sign up?
posted by BlueHorse at 8:24 AM on November 20, 2024


A 4.5 cm / 1.8" long scorpion is tiny?

4.5cm, same as in town
posted by lefty lucky cat at 8:29 AM on November 20, 2024 [1 favorite]


the rock wall behind my human condo is basically a scorpion condo (Texas cave scorpions here) and while I'm not happy sharing the inside of my home with them, it IS pretty cool to bust out the UV flashlight right after dark and see them all hanging out back there.
posted by lefty lucky cat at 8:34 AM on November 20, 2024 [3 favorites]


Florida’s scorpions
The WHAT now? I had no idea we had scorpions around here... (googles furiously)... 4 inches long?! Painful stings?! (reads further)... Eats cockroaches. Well, ok then. Welcome scorpion friends!
posted by Daily Alice at 8:40 AM on November 20, 2024 [5 favorites]


Relative to Scotland's pulmonoscorpius, which is over two feet long.

I like that we went directly from 2-foot-long scorpions, to uranium mines. Clearly we're building toward radscorpions, at which point we're going to need way more than pith helmets. This sounds more like a job for hardened power armor and VATS.
posted by Mayor West at 8:47 AM on November 20, 2024 [4 favorites]


This smacks of "journalist who's a bit vague on conversions and thinks that anything measured in mm is tiny".

Maybe they're using Dungeons & Dragons units of sizing, where in the current edition anything the size of a housecat or smaller is size category Tiny. It's less precise than in the 3rd Edition of the game, in which as a creature smaller than 6" they would have been categorized as size Fine.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 8:50 AM on November 20, 2024


Clearly we're building toward radscorpions

And once you get radioactive scorpions, you get every nerdy teenager in town lining up to get stung so they can have super scorpion powers.

Which is fine, I guess, as long as they use their powers for good and not evil.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:53 AM on November 20, 2024


Maybe they're using Dungeons & Dragons units of sizing

We play 1e AD&D. In one campaign, I made a comment that the 2' tall squirrels we encountered were not giant by any definition, even if the Monster Manual said giant squirrels were 2' tall.

Guess who summoned a 50' squirrel with that comment...
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:59 AM on November 20, 2024 [1 favorite]


The photographer whose UV photo they used has some nice ones in normal light, where "nice" is my euphemism for "AAIIIIEEEEEE!".

Those are nice scorpions! Kind of burly compared to some flatter bois from the US Southwest. Don’t bring your disgusting internal skeleton prejudices into this non-venomous thread!

I suppose they will get into fast fashion shipping soon.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:08 AM on November 20, 2024 [3 favorites]


Ah, pith helmets... which you can use in an emergency when you need to p...

Sorry. I'll see myself out.
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 9:16 AM on November 20, 2024 [4 favorites]


So where does a person put up images and video of the Thai woman who has spent 33 days with 5000 big honkin' black scorpions crawling all over her, in/out of her mouth, et cet -- is this the place?
posted by dancestoblue at 9:39 AM on November 20, 2024 [2 favorites]


At least the Sheppey ones are non-migratory, unlike the species in Arizona that makes my friend's house in Chandler hell on a predictable basis. (TBF, the land was the scorpions' first)
posted by scruss at 9:41 AM on November 20, 2024 [1 favorite]


In one campaign, I made a comment that the 2' tall squirrels we encountered were not giant by any definition

Big enough to give you a good punch in the nuts.
posted by rory at 9:58 AM on November 20, 2024


Don’t bring your disgusting internal skeleton prejudices into this non-venomous thread!

Pshaw! Mine are good old (Australian-born) feral introduced species prejudices, thank you very much.

I'll just sit here stroking my pet huntsman (70mm).
posted by rory at 10:01 AM on November 20, 2024 [1 favorite]


"Chief scorpion wrangler" implies the existence of one or more assistant scorpion wranglers.

Paging the ghost of Lloyd Alexander....
posted by gurple at 10:17 AM on November 20, 2024 [3 favorites]


Oh hey, that's just 3 hours east of Bristol, where somebody found a live scorpion in some boots they ordered from Shein. (previously) I will admit to knowing very little about the international shipping situation in the UK, but I wonder if the package might have passed through there?
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:41 AM on November 20, 2024


Some time ago, I read about scorpions imported to Europe with stones for building. They also glowed. Can't recall where it was talking about, then.
posted by Goofyy at 10:53 AM on November 20, 2024


So where does a person put up images and video of the Thai woman who has spent 33 days with 5000 big honkin' black scorpions crawling all over her, in/out of her mouth, et cet -- is this the place?

Ah, Scorpions Georg. She's an outlier, and probably shouldn't be considered.
posted by Mayor West at 11:00 AM on November 20, 2024 [2 favorites]


Oh, why not.

This is just to say

I have rustled
the scorpions
that were in
your walls

and which
you were probably
saving
for tourists

Forgive me
they were unwrangled
so nippy
and so small.

-Carmen Sandiego, probably
posted by mersen at 11:24 AM on November 20, 2024 [6 favorites]


I sent in my application. Wrote my name and number but left all other fields blank; in the comments section with large jagged letters:

HERE I AM
ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE
posted by jerome powell buys his sweatbands in bulk only at 11:53 AM on November 20, 2024 [10 favorites]


It's not Feb 24, its not scorpion day, hush your mouths
posted by lalochezia at 1:55 PM on November 20, 2024


Man, I think if that paid even minimum wage, I'd be there. Sounds kinda nice, me and the scorpions and cool Ms. Jenny. I already wear a headlamp sometimes.
posted by lauranesson at 4:11 PM on November 20, 2024


Oh hey, that's just 3 hours east of Bristol, where somebody found a live scorpion in some boots they ordered from Shein. (previously) I will admit to knowing very little about the international shipping situation in the UK, but I wonder if the package might have passed through there?

The scorpion found in the Shein package was a completely different Chinese species of Scorpion.

The Italian scorpions living in Sheppey apparently have a mildly painful sting that is harmless.

The Chinese scorpions can and do kill people.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 8:20 PM on November 20, 2024 [3 favorites]


So they arrived along with the blocks for the wall they're still living in? I can't decide which scenario I like better: the wall-builders treating the scorpions as just another component of the wall (granite block, scorpion, granite block, scorpion) or the scorpions looking around at the Isle of Sheppey and deciding, no thanks, we'll just stay in the granite.

I live locally and am disappointed that nobody seems to do scorpion-spotting nature walks. Bat walks, nightingale walks, glow-worm walks, but no scorpion walks.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 2:19 AM on November 21, 2024 [7 favorites]


I suppose they will get into fast fashion shipping soon.

Scorpions are basically the coconuts of the animal kingdom.
posted by Literaryhero at 6:32 AM on November 21, 2024 [1 favorite]


> posted by ManyLeggedCreature

*ahem*
posted by automatronic at 2:04 PM on November 21, 2024 [4 favorites]


I'm starting to get curious how stone was shipped at the time for this kind of project. Coming from Italy presumably by (sail!)boat but was it rough blocks shaped on site or were they shaped in Italy? Transloaded one at a time or crated? Done by hand or with cranes? Crates would explain stowaways.
posted by Mitheral at 8:17 PM on November 21, 2024 [1 favorite]


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