Free To Be... It's This Week's Free Thread!
January 27, 2025 4:00 AM Subscribe
Who would you be, if you could be anyone? Have you become who you really are? Is being free all about self-actualization? Or is it about your civil liberties*? Maybe it's a photon and electron thing? Be free... and tell us what's up!
I'd quite like to be my cat.
posted by paduasoy at 4:45 AM on January 27 [11 favorites]
posted by paduasoy at 4:45 AM on January 27 [11 favorites]
I heard Jane Goodall speak in the early 2000s on the tour to promote 'Reason For Hope; A Spiritual Journey'. One thing Goodall mentioned more than once is that she really wishes she could be a chimpanzee for five minutes just to experience what they know and how they think. I think about that often, and find myself wondering what it would be like to be other people and other animals, just to experience what is going through their minds. Yeah, I wonder what it would be like to be any of the famous intelligent people, like Mozart, da Vinci, or Goethe, but I also wonder what it would be like to be some of the animals or ordinary people whom I see every day. I am not sure I would want to be anyone other than myself - everyone has their own set of issues - but it would be amazing to experience someone else's existence for a while.
As always, love and strength to everyone who is struggling, searching, or distressed. If you live in the northern hemisphere, we just passed ten weeks of the shortest days of the year, so here's to more sunlight!
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:04 AM on January 27 [9 favorites]
As always, love and strength to everyone who is struggling, searching, or distressed. If you live in the northern hemisphere, we just passed ten weeks of the shortest days of the year, so here's to more sunlight!
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:04 AM on January 27 [9 favorites]
Free to be riding again!
I've mentioned my tale of woe before, getting hit by a red light runner January last year and the long recovery a broken pelvis, two broken femurs, and a shattered tibia and fibula entails, but just this weekend I was finally able to get the rebuilt bike out for a couple of short rides. And most importantly, the right knee gave minimal complaint.
Finished rebuilding it in December, but a setback on that right knee kept me from doing more than a test ride around the block while I worked on it in physical therapy. Also, the weather's been pretty chilly up here in the PNW too so that's been a factor. Haven't been eager to test out 30 pins, screws, rods, and plates of titanium against 30° weather, though thankfully it's so far been a non-issue. We'll see how all that metal feels when I work up to long chilly rides.
Now I just hope this little ride's the start of real progress, because this particular build is super, super comfortable for longer tours.
Holy crap but that ride felt good, however short.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 5:18 AM on January 27 [37 favorites]
I've mentioned my tale of woe before, getting hit by a red light runner January last year and the long recovery a broken pelvis, two broken femurs, and a shattered tibia and fibula entails, but just this weekend I was finally able to get the rebuilt bike out for a couple of short rides. And most importantly, the right knee gave minimal complaint.
Finished rebuilding it in December, but a setback on that right knee kept me from doing more than a test ride around the block while I worked on it in physical therapy. Also, the weather's been pretty chilly up here in the PNW too so that's been a factor. Haven't been eager to test out 30 pins, screws, rods, and plates of titanium against 30° weather, though thankfully it's so far been a non-issue. We'll see how all that metal feels when I work up to long chilly rides.
Now I just hope this little ride's the start of real progress, because this particular build is super, super comfortable for longer tours.
Holy crap but that ride felt good, however short.
posted by los pantalones del muerte at 5:18 AM on January 27 [37 favorites]
I think the coolest person in the world to me these days is probably Kier-La Janisse, the curator/producer/essayist for Severin Films. She finds, licenses, oversees restoration, and releases cool stuff for Severin, as well as writing fascinating books on film theory, directing film history documentaries, and producing original shows for Shudder.
Making movies and shows, uncovering lost/overlooked horror & world cinema gems, turning up on Blu Ray special features to talk about films, writing essays and books that combine autobiography and film analysis/theory ...I sure wouldn't mind having her job/life.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:23 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
Making movies and shows, uncovering lost/overlooked horror & world cinema gems, turning up on Blu Ray special features to talk about films, writing essays and books that combine autobiography and film analysis/theory ...I sure wouldn't mind having her job/life.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 5:23 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
[Surprise!]
I have the Mary Sueiest of Mary Sues among my collection of imaginary people. I work on her daily in advance of that moment we suddenly learn that when we pass from this plane, we can just assume the existence of someone we totally made up. If only we believe enough.
posted by taz at 5:27 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
I have the Mary Sueiest of Mary Sues among my collection of imaginary people. I work on her daily in advance of that moment we suddenly learn that when we pass from this plane, we can just assume the existence of someone we totally made up. If only we believe enough.
posted by taz at 5:27 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
It was never to be, and now others need the space.
Wow do they ever need it.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 5:28 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
Wow do they ever need it.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 5:28 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
I'd like to be me but with the knees I had twenty years ago.
posted by pangolin party at 5:37 AM on January 27 [15 favorites]
posted by pangolin party at 5:37 AM on January 27 [15 favorites]
I'd be a stage manager, and able to make a living that way.
....Financially I am still in a decent place despite not having a job lined up QUITE just yet. I don't REALLY have to start worrying for a couple months, but a lifetime of over-emphasized financial anxiety means I'm still a little uneasy right now.
Am forcibly reminding myself that I am not allowed to obsessively worry until my savings dips down to $5K (that's about 2 months of expenses) and that's still a couple months off. If it gets to that point I'll go take a job at Trader Joe's or something so that there's at least SOME income coming in. Intellectually I know that it is unlikely to get to that point but emotionally I'm still going to be a bit twitchy.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:41 AM on January 27 [11 favorites]
....Financially I am still in a decent place despite not having a job lined up QUITE just yet. I don't REALLY have to start worrying for a couple months, but a lifetime of over-emphasized financial anxiety means I'm still a little uneasy right now.
Am forcibly reminding myself that I am not allowed to obsessively worry until my savings dips down to $5K (that's about 2 months of expenses) and that's still a couple months off. If it gets to that point I'll go take a job at Trader Joe's or something so that there's at least SOME income coming in. Intellectually I know that it is unlikely to get to that point but emotionally I'm still going to be a bit twitchy.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:41 AM on January 27 [11 favorites]
If I were somebody else, I'd be somebody else, not me, so I wouldn't be that person, they would, and they already are, and I'm me, which is all I can be, so it's all good.
Unless you believe in spirits and ghosts and stuff, of course.
posted by signal at 5:54 AM on January 27 [8 favorites]
Unless you believe in spirits and ghosts and stuff, of course.
posted by signal at 5:54 AM on January 27 [8 favorites]
I think it was here that someone linked to an essay written by a dying woman. She said something like that if she imagined her life without all its mistakes and regrets, the woman she is disappeared along with everything else.
posted by Lemkin at 5:55 AM on January 27 [9 favorites]
posted by Lemkin at 5:55 AM on January 27 [9 favorites]
I'd be happy to be me, just without some of the issues that have held me back. Not all of them, just a couple of the major ones. I've got some time left, I'd like to maximize it if I could.
posted by tommasz at 5:57 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 5:57 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
David Bowie said: "Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been."
For the last three years I've taken increasingly longer time off to go to Oaxaca, Mexico and paint. This year it will be almost a month, I'm currently on the southern coast in a beach town working remotely. Tomorrow I take the collectivo (bus) back up north to Oaxaca City where I plan to continue exploring this area and making drawings and paintings.
Travel achievements unlocked so far:
posted by jeremias at 5:57 AM on January 27 [18 favorites]
For the last three years I've taken increasingly longer time off to go to Oaxaca, Mexico and paint. This year it will be almost a month, I'm currently on the southern coast in a beach town working remotely. Tomorrow I take the collectivo (bus) back up north to Oaxaca City where I plan to continue exploring this area and making drawings and paintings.
Travel achievements unlocked so far:
- The first 5 minutes in the city had my debit card swallowed by the ATM, gone for good. Luckily I had planned for something like this and had backups.
- Participated in my third temazcal ceremony in three years: this one my most intense experience with 10 strangers inside what is essentially a brick oven for 90 minutes. I would do it again in a second.
- Had my ATV run out of gas and spent a few hours hunting down the not-exactly legal tienda where you can buy a 2 liter bottle of gas in the back room and then schlepping that back to fill up my tank
posted by jeremias at 5:57 AM on January 27 [18 favorites]
I would be someone who grew up with a loving, supportive family.
posted by Dolley at 6:11 AM on January 27 [18 favorites]
posted by Dolley at 6:11 AM on January 27 [18 favorites]
Im getting a lot of posts on social media about David Lynch since his death. I would love to be him for a while to experience transcendence and be of a mind to create the art that he did.
posted by waving at 6:23 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
posted by waving at 6:23 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
I'd quite like to be myself, but without the Chronic fatigue syndrome (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) that gets in the way of doing so many things.
Before I got sick, I used to go bush walking and rock climbing in national parks all the time, and I miss that.
I also miss being able to do housework!
and I miss being able to cook!
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 6:37 AM on January 27 [13 favorites]
Before I got sick, I used to go bush walking and rock climbing in national parks all the time, and I miss that.
I also miss being able to do housework!
and I miss being able to cook!
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 6:37 AM on January 27 [13 favorites]
"...I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas."
on the other hand, or should I saw - nevermind - woulda coulda shoulda never brings me any joy. I do wish I were a lick smarter though. Though, at the same time fuckit. I yam a big yam - or words to that effect
posted by From Bklyn at 6:53 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas."
on the other hand, or should I saw - nevermind - woulda coulda shoulda never brings me any joy. I do wish I were a lick smarter though. Though, at the same time fuckit. I yam a big yam - or words to that effect
posted by From Bklyn at 6:53 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
In a long life that isn't over yet, I have been almost all the things I wanted to be. I have stopped doing some of the things I spent decades learning how to do, but I still keep learning new things. And sometimes, out of habit, I think about starting a new career again, and then I chuckle, but I think about ways I could explore the idea in a less conventional way. It is probably not a good idea to go back to school for web design or library science, for instance, but I can amuse myself by reading a book on CSS, or reading about the principles of typography, and I can volunteer in my grandson's elementary school library. I continue to take classes, though. I'm that annoying older learner who knows more than the teacher about the subject and who is taking the class so they can get out of the house, get some amusement, learn something, and talk to someone who isn't a cashier or a bus driver.
posted by Peach at 7:00 AM on January 27 [12 favorites]
posted by Peach at 7:00 AM on January 27 [12 favorites]
I used to imagine myself as other people quite frequently, usually actors or other celebrities, but sometimes just someone who was radically different in some way (usually physically) than myself. What if I was nine feet tall, like Robert Wadlow? What would it be like to find my place in the world if I literally didn't fit into most of it? I think that that was also part of my early fascination with the X-Men--a big part of their struggle wasn't necessarily with Magneto or the Sentinels or whoever, but just dealing with being blue, or having a prehensile tail, or wings, or not being able to touch anyone or take off their glasses, ever.
I think that I may have grown out of it in part because I'm dealing with chronic physical conditions, such as diabetes and alcoholism; paradoxically, these things that have to be attended to on a daily basis have helped me come to grips with the reality of my actual physical existence. There was a sketch that Tom Hanks did with Jon Lovitz (I think) back in the day where they're a couple of guys being painfully honest about themselves; "I was born with this face and this body and there ain't no a-changin' it now." I mean, someone can change certain things about their appearance, either temporarily or permanently, but there's no literally reversing time, and I'm coming to terms with that.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:04 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
I think that I may have grown out of it in part because I'm dealing with chronic physical conditions, such as diabetes and alcoholism; paradoxically, these things that have to be attended to on a daily basis have helped me come to grips with the reality of my actual physical existence. There was a sketch that Tom Hanks did with Jon Lovitz (I think) back in the day where they're a couple of guys being painfully honest about themselves; "I was born with this face and this body and there ain't no a-changin' it now." I mean, someone can change certain things about their appearance, either temporarily or permanently, but there's no literally reversing time, and I'm coming to terms with that.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:04 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
What is me?
I honestly don’t even know that so I don’t know who else I would be because I don’t even know me quite yet.
I think people cling to identity like a buoy in a storm. And for good reason. Identity can provide safety and community. But there is so much more vocabulary around identity now than when I was growing up, I often wonder what I would be if I had that vocabulary then.
I was telling someone the other day that I’ve always been a square peg trying to fit in round holes. They said that I might be a square peg but I had rounded edges. I don’t know how much rounder I want those edges to be though. I don’t think I can be round. But I don’t think I want to be either.
I’ve been picking up scraps of readings on ethics and moral philosophy. Kind of in hopes of being the best me I can be, while still being able to adjust with the times. I don’t want to be one of those people who grows old and conservative and grumps about the youth of today or shouts at people to get off their lawn.
Well, that was more navel gazing than I thought it would be. But there you go.
posted by eekernohan at 7:06 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
I honestly don’t even know that so I don’t know who else I would be because I don’t even know me quite yet.
I think people cling to identity like a buoy in a storm. And for good reason. Identity can provide safety and community. But there is so much more vocabulary around identity now than when I was growing up, I often wonder what I would be if I had that vocabulary then.
I was telling someone the other day that I’ve always been a square peg trying to fit in round holes. They said that I might be a square peg but I had rounded edges. I don’t know how much rounder I want those edges to be though. I don’t think I can be round. But I don’t think I want to be either.
I’ve been picking up scraps of readings on ethics and moral philosophy. Kind of in hopes of being the best me I can be, while still being able to adjust with the times. I don’t want to be one of those people who grows old and conservative and grumps about the youth of today or shouts at people to get off their lawn.
Well, that was more navel gazing than I thought it would be. But there you go.
posted by eekernohan at 7:06 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
I'm feeling that David Bowie quote, jeremias: I don't really know who I should be, but it feels like I'm learning new things about who I am all the time. I just keep trying to pick paths that seem more like me.
Who I am, plus film student stuff: I'm sure everyone knows what Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is: the theory is that Kevin Bacon has been in so many movies, if you connect through other actors performing in the same films, no actor is more than six degrees away from Kevin Bacon (which in itself is based on six degrees of separation).
I recently had a realization: wait, I've been acting more -- do I have a Bacon Number now? The only website I've found to calculate this for you now is Oracle of Bacon (previously), which uses data from TMDB, which does include a listing for a film I acted in.
Huzzah! The Oracle of Bacon says my Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is...7. Womp womp.
Strangely enough, as of this morning The Oracle of Bacon, which is being updated regularly, says it's now 6! My Six degrees number is 6, which is the bare minimum of counting!
But, neither of those matter: after I posted my 7 to social media, an actor friend of mine said her Bacon Number is 3, with evidence of the connection -- but, wait, for her connection she was credited under her maiden name and TMDB isn't aware of this...and she was in that same movie as me -- so my Bacon Number is actually 4!
Having a Bacon Number and a credits on IMDB (which I also have now) were things that, years ago, were on my unofficial "Bucket List," something that I thought would be cool -- back at a time when I really didn't have any plans for working in the industry, I was focused on writing and digital art at the time. How would I get either of those? Who knows! In that same sort of meandering way of figuring out my proximity to Kevin Bacon, my life has meandered around until I got to who I am today. There's been a lot of different "me's" over time, but I am who I am now.
posted by AzraelBrown at 7:10 AM on January 27 [20 favorites]
Who I am, plus film student stuff: I'm sure everyone knows what Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is: the theory is that Kevin Bacon has been in so many movies, if you connect through other actors performing in the same films, no actor is more than six degrees away from Kevin Bacon (which in itself is based on six degrees of separation).
I recently had a realization: wait, I've been acting more -- do I have a Bacon Number now? The only website I've found to calculate this for you now is Oracle of Bacon (previously), which uses data from TMDB, which does include a listing for a film I acted in.
Huzzah! The Oracle of Bacon says my Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is...7. Womp womp.
Strangely enough, as of this morning The Oracle of Bacon, which is being updated regularly, says it's now 6! My Six degrees number is 6, which is the bare minimum of counting!
But, neither of those matter: after I posted my 7 to social media, an actor friend of mine said her Bacon Number is 3, with evidence of the connection -- but, wait, for her connection she was credited under her maiden name and TMDB isn't aware of this...and she was in that same movie as me -- so my Bacon Number is actually 4!
Having a Bacon Number and a credits on IMDB (which I also have now) were things that, years ago, were on my unofficial "Bucket List," something that I thought would be cool -- back at a time when I really didn't have any plans for working in the industry, I was focused on writing and digital art at the time. How would I get either of those? Who knows! In that same sort of meandering way of figuring out my proximity to Kevin Bacon, my life has meandered around until I got to who I am today. There's been a lot of different "me's" over time, but I am who I am now.
posted by AzraelBrown at 7:10 AM on January 27 [20 favorites]
I converted to Islam nearly three years ago, age 56 at the time. It has changed me like nothing else ever did. Discipline, creative problem-solving, wrangling new gadgets, and even 12 step recovery now all come much easier to me than they ever did. At times I am gobsmacked by how well my life has gone since my conversion, because as any savvy actuary will tell you, we autists over age 50 often do NOT wind up in good places.
Does that mean I'm satisfied with myself the way I am? Depends on which day you ask me. But I now know that my own yardsticks for judging myself are often woefully inadequate to the task, if not downright harmful. For example: does it matter how fast I get a task done, or whether I put a piece of clothing on inside-out that morning? Absolutely not. But judging myself harshly for autistic stuff (which is usually the source of frustration) yields absolutely nothing good. God does not judge me by those standards at all. All I have to do there is make an effort to show up mindfully to my faith obligations, and maybe do a little more than what is obligatory if I feel like it.
In classical Arabic, according to the trusty Hans Wehr dictionary, the root word for "sincerity" also connotes "devotion," "release," and "liberation." I find it fascinating that one root can have such varied but mutually resonant branches.
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 7:23 AM on January 27 [6 favorites]
Does that mean I'm satisfied with myself the way I am? Depends on which day you ask me. But I now know that my own yardsticks for judging myself are often woefully inadequate to the task, if not downright harmful. For example: does it matter how fast I get a task done, or whether I put a piece of clothing on inside-out that morning? Absolutely not. But judging myself harshly for autistic stuff (which is usually the source of frustration) yields absolutely nothing good. God does not judge me by those standards at all. All I have to do there is make an effort to show up mindfully to my faith obligations, and maybe do a little more than what is obligatory if I feel like it.
In classical Arabic, according to the trusty Hans Wehr dictionary, the root word for "sincerity" also connotes "devotion," "release," and "liberation." I find it fascinating that one root can have such varied but mutually resonant branches.
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 7:23 AM on January 27 [6 favorites]
I recently had a realization: wait, I've been acting more -- do I have a Bacon Number now?
Ha! An old friend I've performed with on stage has ended up with a minor movie career, and via him I see that I now have a Bacon number of 3... if appearances on stage count. Well, I sez they do, and I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth! (Actual real-world value to self: 0.)
posted by rory at 7:26 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
Ha! An old friend I've performed with on stage has ended up with a minor movie career, and via him I see that I now have a Bacon number of 3... if appearances on stage count. Well, I sez they do, and I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth! (Actual real-world value to self: 0.)
posted by rory at 7:26 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
I would like to be... anyone who is cheerful, confident, and always open to new experiences.
More realistically, I have mostly come to terms with who I am. I would like to be me, but less.
For the most part, I don't look back fondly on my childhood and adolescence. I was often a stressed, anxious, timid little wuss, who missed out on a lot because of that. And anxious child became anxious adult. At times I've visualized all the characteristics I detest in myself - anxiety, selfishness, pettiness, timidity, etc. - as belonging to a small whiny annoying child, and I've always wanted to smother the little sh!t.
I'm sure that's unhealthy on some level, but old age has mellowed me a bit, given me a bit of understanding. I realize there's no do-over, and I must accept all the parts that make up "me". But I can still keep the whiny little puke locked in the basement.
Life-wise, not much to complain about. It seems like I spent most of the last year obsessed by small hassles and problems, and having nowhere near enough fun and socializing. Hoping to improve on that.
posted by Artful Codger at 7:39 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
More realistically, I have mostly come to terms with who I am. I would like to be me, but less.
For the most part, I don't look back fondly on my childhood and adolescence. I was often a stressed, anxious, timid little wuss, who missed out on a lot because of that. And anxious child became anxious adult. At times I've visualized all the characteristics I detest in myself - anxiety, selfishness, pettiness, timidity, etc. - as belonging to a small whiny annoying child, and I've always wanted to smother the little sh!t.
I'm sure that's unhealthy on some level, but old age has mellowed me a bit, given me a bit of understanding. I realize there's no do-over, and I must accept all the parts that make up "me". But I can still keep the whiny little puke locked in the basement.
Life-wise, not much to complain about. It seems like I spent most of the last year obsessed by small hassles and problems, and having nowhere near enough fun and socializing. Hoping to improve on that.
posted by Artful Codger at 7:39 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
When I was a child, I desperately wanted to be a Cheetah. The combination of extreme speed, with the goth tear marks on the face absolutely fascinated me.
Now I think I'd like to be something with no individual consciousness. Motes of dust in a sunbeam, or rain soaking into sand.
The other day this question occurred to me: would the world be a better place if more people were like me?
It's an uncomfortable idea, there being a world populated by Zumbadors.
posted by Zumbador at 7:55 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
Now I think I'd like to be something with no individual consciousness. Motes of dust in a sunbeam, or rain soaking into sand.
The other day this question occurred to me: would the world be a better place if more people were like me?
It's an uncomfortable idea, there being a world populated by Zumbadors.
posted by Zumbador at 7:55 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
I have never planned to be all of the different me's I've been throughout my life so far, and cannot imagine what me I'd be if I could pick a me.
posted by mightshould at 8:10 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
posted by mightshould at 8:10 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
Well we've classified something as fungi and we're not that, but I'm pretty sure that speaks less to accuracy and more to the limits of our framing
How do you know you're not me already
posted by ginger.beef at 8:26 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
How do you know you're not me already
posted by ginger.beef at 8:26 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
"please let me now"
Outlook let me send an email this morning with that as the closing line. WTF, I am herding cats this week between layoffs in my building and tax season starting and this is how you betray me?!
posted by soelo at 8:37 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]
Outlook let me send an email this morning with that as the closing line. WTF, I am herding cats this week between layoffs in my building and tax season starting and this is how you betray me?!
posted by soelo at 8:37 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]
I spent tremendous time and effort absolutely succeeding at a career that has an extraordinarily low success rate... and I'm so very very bored now. Were it not for elder and teen care, I would quit in a heartbeat and go get one of those jobs where I sit in a tower with no electricity and watch for forest fires.
posted by outgrown_hobnail at 8:42 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
posted by outgrown_hobnail at 8:42 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
> I recently had a realization: wait, I've been acting more -- do I have a Bacon Number now?
Ha! An old friend I've performed with on stage has ended up with a minor movie career, and via him I see that I now have a Bacon number of 3... if appearances on stage count.
If onstage and backstage involvement counts....I have a Bacon number of 2.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:48 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
Ha! An old friend I've performed with on stage has ended up with a minor movie career, and via him I see that I now have a Bacon number of 3... if appearances on stage count.
If onstage and backstage involvement counts....I have a Bacon number of 2.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:48 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
This is where someone reveals they're Kevin Bacon's sockpuppet.
posted by rory at 8:53 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
posted by rory at 8:53 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
I'm taking a three month sabbatical now, trying to find out who I am now that I'm out of the military. It feels so weird to not have any demands on my time and energy other than my cats. Every time I start to think about the future my anxiety skyrockets so I'm just trying to go day by day right now
posted by Higherfasterforwards at 8:58 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
posted by Higherfasterforwards at 8:58 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
I would quit in a heartbeat and go get one of those jobs where I sit in a tower with no electricity and watch for forest fires.
I'd quite like to be someone who didn't need to have a job at all, but I literally just mentioned to my boss last week that I might up and quit one day to go do that exact job.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:00 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]
I'd quite like to be someone who didn't need to have a job at all, but I literally just mentioned to my boss last week that I might up and quit one day to go do that exact job.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:00 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]
Kev! Loved you in Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special! And, uh... you've done other stuff, right?
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:00 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:00 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]
Me, me, me. Please rid me of me. And the endless babble of what it was to be me, who I might be me, why things went wrong because of me, why it must be so marvellous to be me, how it was high time I got over me or how problems arise because of an inadequate sense of me. All of my mes in the bin right now. Switch them off. Muffle them. Bury them in a mine shaft under a lake and drop an Everest on top. Me, me, me. What a pointless racket it always was.
It's easier now. I've lived long enough to exhaust any glimmer of sense let alone utility in all my me jabbering, I have benign tools to mute the me voice and the words of the wise to encourage me on my path to silence. Why say anything? Let the wind in the trees do the talking, nature's music and at a pinch, man's.
Failing which, is there a spare chair in your tower outgrown_hobnail? I'd rather do without the forest fires. I promise I will never say a word except thou or thee.
posted by dutchrick at 9:05 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
It's easier now. I've lived long enough to exhaust any glimmer of sense let alone utility in all my me jabbering, I have benign tools to mute the me voice and the words of the wise to encourage me on my path to silence. Why say anything? Let the wind in the trees do the talking, nature's music and at a pinch, man's.
Failing which, is there a spare chair in your tower outgrown_hobnail? I'd rather do without the forest fires. I promise I will never say a word except thou or thee.
posted by dutchrick at 9:05 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
if appearances on stage count.
If onstage and backstage involvement counts
Technically.... no, it's supposed to be just acting in film roles (TV doesn't even count) -- but I'm not a cop, I'm fine with it all counting! 😊
That brings up one of the side-effects of my pivot to film I hadn't expected: it is really a community thing, once you start you're part of a group of like-minded individuals in more than just a professional/job way -- once you do one or two things, you see how the community rearranges and assembles for the next project and the things they bring from past projects and how it just makes things better, even just the fun of showing up for that first production meeting and being excited to see which people you've worked with before and who's new (to you, but they worked with so-and-so on this and that, etc.). I remember this feeling from theater back in the day but had forgotten the words to that song.
So, yeah, if you're part of the community, it counts!
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:12 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
If onstage and backstage involvement counts
Technically.... no, it's supposed to be just acting in film roles (TV doesn't even count) -- but I'm not a cop, I'm fine with it all counting! 😊
That brings up one of the side-effects of my pivot to film I hadn't expected: it is really a community thing, once you start you're part of a group of like-minded individuals in more than just a professional/job way -- once you do one or two things, you see how the community rearranges and assembles for the next project and the things they bring from past projects and how it just makes things better, even just the fun of showing up for that first production meeting and being excited to see which people you've worked with before and who's new (to you, but they worked with so-and-so on this and that, etc.). I remember this feeling from theater back in the day but had forgotten the words to that song.
So, yeah, if you're part of the community, it counts!
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:12 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
Enjoyed the Oracle, AzraelBrown - I taught at least two people in middle school who now have a Kevin Bacon number of 3. Because I am from the Philadelphia area, worked in a number of odd venues, and am from a certain demographic, it's possible I have a comparable Bacon number outside of films, which is one of the weirder aspects of my life.
posted by Peach at 9:38 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
posted by Peach at 9:38 AM on January 27 [2 favorites]
I would be someone who grew up with a loving, supportive family.
Yeah, this. And perhaps if I'd been homeschooled, because I started getting bullied the second I was around other small children, and it would have been lovely to not learn that I'm ugly/bad/wrong just for existing as I am as a very small proto-human. I've grown up criticized and inexplicably hated just for being myself so often that I have whopping complexes I'll never recover from. I learned EARLY that "it's NOT okay to be me," and I'll never be able to forget that/get over it.
I'd like to be a shining star. Which is to say, mildly well known performer, respected for performance and perhaps writing (as well as yarning, but I have that down pretty well). Except (a) if you shine these days and people see you, you're likely to get death threats, and (b) I seem to be inadequate in most people's eyes on that score. I don't know how to get other people to see me like I'd like to be seen, rather than "Grr! Get her!" or "She sucks."
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:48 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
Yeah, this. And perhaps if I'd been homeschooled, because I started getting bullied the second I was around other small children, and it would have been lovely to not learn that I'm ugly/bad/wrong just for existing as I am as a very small proto-human. I've grown up criticized and inexplicably hated just for being myself so often that I have whopping complexes I'll never recover from. I learned EARLY that "it's NOT okay to be me," and I'll never be able to forget that/get over it.
I'd like to be a shining star. Which is to say, mildly well known performer, respected for performance and perhaps writing (as well as yarning, but I have that down pretty well). Except (a) if you shine these days and people see you, you're likely to get death threats, and (b) I seem to be inadequate in most people's eyes on that score. I don't know how to get other people to see me like I'd like to be seen, rather than "Grr! Get her!" or "She sucks."
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:48 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
I would like to be the future me who's no longer sick with covid, please and thank you.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 9:55 AM on January 27 [13 favorites]
posted by gentlyepigrams at 9:55 AM on January 27 [13 favorites]
I used to say that on another timeline there was another me who was thin and rich and happy. Thinking about her always makes me kind of cheerful, like, oh well, so in this timeline I have to be the child in the room in Omelas* - actually, these days, maybe this entire timeline is the child in the room in Omelas - but at least somewhere, somehow, someone who is me is having the life they, or I, should have had! The good happy rich thin life!
Well.
If you google my name you will find a British children's book author and illustrator. I am also ridiculously envious of her.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if ADHD had been a treatable recognized thing in girls in the 60s and 70s. Different, perhaps.
I messed up this life; I was given pretty much every advantage and didn't manage to succeed - if, you know, the American meaning of success is your metric. It's never been mine but unfortunately I usually feel that it probably should have been. Certainly the rest of the family would be happier if I'd made a whole bunch of money. I recently looked at all the numbers and realized that in 10 years, if the world does not collapse, which it probably will, I could. . . not retire! But I could leave this job and get a part time job! I'll be 71. Seventy one. My pension and social security will not be enough alone. That's fucked up and while I grant you, the problem is mostly mine for not gluing myself to the rat race hard enough (and for living in the South for a lot of those years, wow, did that ever screw me over) I refuse to take all the responsibility for it: this stupid country needs to start taking some. I'm so tired of working all the time. I want space and time to make art and just live. Oh well.
However! Getting old has its compensations. Yesterday I went to a little pottery workshop. I haven't done anything with clay in decades and I never was very good at it. We were making little boxes. The instructor talked about reliquaries and most of what he said was wrong; I didn't say anything because, whatever, which made me feel good to just, go whatever, let it be. Nobody cares about medieval art except me. And then everyone else followed the directions and made really nice neat clean smooth beautiful little boxes while I made - a sloped rickety wonky bumpy sideways strange thing that looked like nothing anyone has ever seen before but an angry adolescent with too much imagination and energy and not a lot of fine motor control might create - and it made me happy, not sad! It's a hot mess, so am I, and I'm okay with that! We're interesting and sometimes that's just as good or better than thin and rich and smooth and beautiful. Because honestly the people who find thin and rich and smooth and beautiful interesting do not interest me.
* Omelas
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:05 AM on January 27 [13 favorites]
Well.
If you google my name you will find a British children's book author and illustrator. I am also ridiculously envious of her.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if ADHD had been a treatable recognized thing in girls in the 60s and 70s. Different, perhaps.
I messed up this life; I was given pretty much every advantage and didn't manage to succeed - if, you know, the American meaning of success is your metric. It's never been mine but unfortunately I usually feel that it probably should have been. Certainly the rest of the family would be happier if I'd made a whole bunch of money. I recently looked at all the numbers and realized that in 10 years, if the world does not collapse, which it probably will, I could. . . not retire! But I could leave this job and get a part time job! I'll be 71. Seventy one. My pension and social security will not be enough alone. That's fucked up and while I grant you, the problem is mostly mine for not gluing myself to the rat race hard enough (and for living in the South for a lot of those years, wow, did that ever screw me over) I refuse to take all the responsibility for it: this stupid country needs to start taking some. I'm so tired of working all the time. I want space and time to make art and just live. Oh well.
However! Getting old has its compensations. Yesterday I went to a little pottery workshop. I haven't done anything with clay in decades and I never was very good at it. We were making little boxes. The instructor talked about reliquaries and most of what he said was wrong; I didn't say anything because, whatever, which made me feel good to just, go whatever, let it be. Nobody cares about medieval art except me. And then everyone else followed the directions and made really nice neat clean smooth beautiful little boxes while I made - a sloped rickety wonky bumpy sideways strange thing that looked like nothing anyone has ever seen before but an angry adolescent with too much imagination and energy and not a lot of fine motor control might create - and it made me happy, not sad! It's a hot mess, so am I, and I'm okay with that! We're interesting and sometimes that's just as good or better than thin and rich and smooth and beautiful. Because honestly the people who find thin and rich and smooth and beautiful interesting do not interest me.
* Omelas
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:05 AM on January 27 [13 favorites]
I constantly wonder how the me in the timeline where everyone told Ralph Nader to fuck off in 2000 and voted in Al Gore is doing. The timeline where everyone told Jill Stein to fuck off in 2016. The timeline where David Bowie and Prince made it to the doctor on time. The timeline where Merrick Garland accelerated Trump's prosecution and Biden made it clear in late 2023 that he wasn't running again. That guy is having a blast. But I live in the preterite world, and so do we all.
posted by outgrown_hobnail at 10:15 AM on January 27 [7 favorites]
posted by outgrown_hobnail at 10:15 AM on January 27 [7 favorites]
I’d love to be the pre-cancer me. It’s left me with chronic diarrhea, sporadic pain, and neuropathy in both feet. BUT, I’m still here!
I’ve always longed to be able to make charming sketches/watercolors on my travels. In September, I couldn’t draw a box. Twelve weeks later, I passed a basic drawing class with an “A”. I’m taking watercolor this quarter, and holy crap, this shit is hard! I will keep trying, though. It’s really fun to be learning new stuff, and using the other side of my brain. These are things my cancer gave me the courage to try at age 71. I now wonder what else I’ll learn this year?
posted by dbmcd at 10:34 AM on January 27 [13 favorites]
I’ve always longed to be able to make charming sketches/watercolors on my travels. In September, I couldn’t draw a box. Twelve weeks later, I passed a basic drawing class with an “A”. I’m taking watercolor this quarter, and holy crap, this shit is hard! I will keep trying, though. It’s really fun to be learning new stuff, and using the other side of my brain. These are things my cancer gave me the courage to try at age 71. I now wonder what else I’ll learn this year?
posted by dbmcd at 10:34 AM on January 27 [13 favorites]
I'd be happy to be the guy whose only client actually paid him in December instead of fucking off to Italy, and then paid what he owed instead of half that...it's so threadbare over here that I ran out of heating propane on Saturday night because I was waiting for the money before I could order any. Called it in today and not only is it outrageously expensive but they cannot get here for fucking days and my house is already an icebox without hot water. I have a small space heater in this room and mr. dog doesn't know why he cannot just wander in and out as I try to keep one room warm-ish.
I am a colossal fuckup and would like to not be that. I now return to trying to think of whom I can borrow a bit of food money for this month as I've already tapped out all my family and friends on this long, long slide to close to the bottom. I guess at least I'm only addicted to breathing and eating.
posted by maxwelton at 10:37 AM on January 27 [6 favorites]
I am a colossal fuckup and would like to not be that. I now return to trying to think of whom I can borrow a bit of food money for this month as I've already tapped out all my family and friends on this long, long slide to close to the bottom. I guess at least I'm only addicted to breathing and eating.
posted by maxwelton at 10:37 AM on January 27 [6 favorites]
I'd like to be me but with the knees I had twenty years ago.
I'd like to be me in my teens but with the discipline and perseverance that took me until almost my 60's to learn, far too late to pursue my life dreams.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:52 AM on January 27 [6 favorites]
I'd like to be me in my teens but with the discipline and perseverance that took me until almost my 60's to learn, far too late to pursue my life dreams.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:52 AM on January 27 [6 favorites]
Me but without ADHD. And with a job - something stable with decent pay - with decent people.
posted by bunderful at 10:55 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
posted by bunderful at 10:55 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
The idea that there is a me is kinda weird. Is it the me of my teens? Twenties? Forties? I can tell you, they are very different people. The only me that is me, to me, is the me of this moment, and dreams of the future. I am a goldfish swimming in turbulent waters. Do I wish I could be anyone? I am anyone, a loose collective of reverberating standing waves of matter, energy. I am whatever happens next. And when the standing wave collapses...who knows? But they seem quite common. I became a me once before (that i know of). No reason to think it can't happen again.
Sorry...what was the question?
posted by chromecow at 11:16 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
Sorry...what was the question?
posted by chromecow at 11:16 AM on January 27 [4 favorites]
I've been having this fantasy lately where I wake up in Trump's body and try to undo the damage he's done. Apologize to his wife and kids for how he's treated them, rescind unconstitutional executive orders, tell Musk to go pound sand, etc.
But instead I find myself in a Zoom meeting where management is cheerfully scrambling to comply with said unconstitutional executive orders. The union is going to have a meeting Wednesday and I hope to Cthulhu that they are going to hold the line.
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 11:25 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
But instead I find myself in a Zoom meeting where management is cheerfully scrambling to comply with said unconstitutional executive orders. The union is going to have a meeting Wednesday and I hope to Cthulhu that they are going to hold the line.
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 11:25 AM on January 27 [5 favorites]
A friendly reminder to not bring politics into the free thread. I know that is hard during times like this.
I agree with the notion that me today is not the me of a few years ago. When I think about time travel, I think about the repercussions of not letting things play out to see if the thing you hated at the time actually turned out great. That junior high boyfriend you'd like to erase is a great friend in adulthood. The job you just barely missed out on would have been a bad fit. Driving to work ten minutes earlier so you are not actually late might mean you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Butterfly effect type stuff.
posted by soelo at 11:40 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]
I agree with the notion that me today is not the me of a few years ago. When I think about time travel, I think about the repercussions of not letting things play out to see if the thing you hated at the time actually turned out great. That junior high boyfriend you'd like to erase is a great friend in adulthood. The job you just barely missed out on would have been a bad fit. Driving to work ten minutes earlier so you are not actually late might mean you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Butterfly effect type stuff.
posted by soelo at 11:40 AM on January 27 [1 favorite]
I'd like to be done. Can I be done?
posted by obfuscation at 11:43 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
posted by obfuscation at 11:43 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]
A note to the people who are telling themselves that "If I had only been more disciplined/dedicated/Blah blah blah" - you know, maybe it's not that. I used to think that way I a lot about my own arts-adjacent career, and punishing myself for not buckling down even more than I already was to try to make it happen.
But then I realized a few things.
1. Even the most dedicated, driven people are allowed to goof off. They also have to worry about shit like laundry and bills and making sure the house is clean. Everyone only has a finite number of hours in the day, and the people who look disciplined about their art career are probably shit at cooking or something.
2. If I spend all my time making art and no time enjoying life....what's the point? I don't go to very much theater any more because working theater sucked a lot of the fun out of it. I missed out on a lot of movies and friend visits and such because I was always either in rehearsal or a performance, and some of my friendships suffered as a result.
3. Money plays a whole lot more into things than you'd realize. I compared myself to a number of other women I knew who were stage managers and kept asking myself "why do they seem to be so much further along than me?" And then I realized: three out of four of them were married to spouses who could pick up the slack incomewise when they got gigs, so they could pursue gigs more aggressively. And the fourth had had to leave New York City altogether and do regional theater instead.
So - maybe it's not ENTIRELY that you're not disciplined, but that you also don't have enough financial and social support from a partner or friends (and it's not their fault either, by the way, they also have all this shit to worry about in their own lives too). I mean, realizing that you had to get more disciplined overall is one thing, but don't take on the share of the blame that should also belong to Late Stage Capitalism.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:53 AM on January 27 [9 favorites]
But then I realized a few things.
1. Even the most dedicated, driven people are allowed to goof off. They also have to worry about shit like laundry and bills and making sure the house is clean. Everyone only has a finite number of hours in the day, and the people who look disciplined about their art career are probably shit at cooking or something.
2. If I spend all my time making art and no time enjoying life....what's the point? I don't go to very much theater any more because working theater sucked a lot of the fun out of it. I missed out on a lot of movies and friend visits and such because I was always either in rehearsal or a performance, and some of my friendships suffered as a result.
3. Money plays a whole lot more into things than you'd realize. I compared myself to a number of other women I knew who were stage managers and kept asking myself "why do they seem to be so much further along than me?" And then I realized: three out of four of them were married to spouses who could pick up the slack incomewise when they got gigs, so they could pursue gigs more aggressively. And the fourth had had to leave New York City altogether and do regional theater instead.
So - maybe it's not ENTIRELY that you're not disciplined, but that you also don't have enough financial and social support from a partner or friends (and it's not their fault either, by the way, they also have all this shit to worry about in their own lives too). I mean, realizing that you had to get more disciplined overall is one thing, but don't take on the share of the blame that should also belong to Late Stage Capitalism.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:53 AM on January 27 [9 favorites]
I turned 60 yesterday.
I have no idea how to think about tha other than a) I am surprised I got this far and b) I am grateful that I have not become a reactionary like so many of my Gen X indie punk art school contemporaries, and, if anything, I have become more progressive and radicalized over time and I worked really hard to do that.
What I would like to change the most is the intense lack of confidence I carried around for decades, and how that short changed so much of my life.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 12:59 PM on January 27 [14 favorites]
I have no idea how to think about tha other than a) I am surprised I got this far and b) I am grateful that I have not become a reactionary like so many of my Gen X indie punk art school contemporaries, and, if anything, I have become more progressive and radicalized over time and I worked really hard to do that.
What I would like to change the most is the intense lack of confidence I carried around for decades, and how that short changed so much of my life.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 12:59 PM on January 27 [14 favorites]
Happy birthdayPhlegmco(tm)! Here are all the flowers and the love. You are such an amazing artist.
As for me, I'm obviously a struggling person. To be honest, I wish I was the person people think I am.
posted by mumimor at 1:35 PM on January 27 [7 favorites]
As for me, I'm obviously a struggling person. To be honest, I wish I was the person people think I am.
posted by mumimor at 1:35 PM on January 27 [7 favorites]
I'd be happy to be me, just without some of the issues that have held me back.
...don't have enough financial and social support... and the big one, familial support...
What I would like to change the most is the intense lack of confidence I carried around for decades, and how that short changed so much of my life.
These things resonate so hard. What could have been if I'd had the strength to take hold of my life at 18? At 24? At 35, I though my life choices were set, I was stuck where I was, and I was too old to change things. By then, it wasn't just me, there were hostages to fortune. My life wasn't my own then. It never was. Why have I... why am I afraid to change, to grab and run?
Because I can't envision it getting better, only worse.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:42 PM on January 27 [8 favorites]
...don't have enough financial and social support... and the big one, familial support...
What I would like to change the most is the intense lack of confidence I carried around for decades, and how that short changed so much of my life.
These things resonate so hard. What could have been if I'd had the strength to take hold of my life at 18? At 24? At 35, I though my life choices were set, I was stuck where I was, and I was too old to change things. By then, it wasn't just me, there were hostages to fortune. My life wasn't my own then. It never was. Why have I... why am I afraid to change, to grab and run?
Because I can't envision it getting better, only worse.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:42 PM on January 27 [8 favorites]
Sorry to hear that Blue Horse. That's a tough place to be.
posted by chromecow at 2:26 PM on January 27 [1 favorite]
posted by chromecow at 2:26 PM on January 27 [1 favorite]
Yeah, don't forget that NOT having support is a big one. Or if you're being persecuted. Or if you're anything but bog standard cisgender straight white male. Or if illness is going on. Sometimes you're fighting against a tide of shit.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:32 PM on January 27 [2 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:32 PM on January 27 [2 favorites]
... the people who are telling themselves that "If I had only been more disciplined/dedicated/Blah blah blah" - you know, maybe it's not that.
That's a good point well made...but at least in my case specifically, it was definitely that.
I grew up juuust "talented" and "intelligent" enough that I could pick up new skills - up to a point at least - without trying too hard. However. The other side of that coin is that I never got into the habit of buckling down and doing the steeper-learning-curve work necessary to achieve real proficiency at any of those things. All the financial and emotional support in the world wouldn't have magically made me change my spots; only time and hard truths. Instead I meandered through life being low-effort-good-enough, not learning the lesson until it's too late to do much about it.
There's certainly worse lives to have, I'm well aware, so I mostly manage not to be a bellyacher about it beyond the occasional bit of whining. But hey, at least I'm funny, right? ...Right?
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:33 PM on January 27 [7 favorites]
That's a good point well made...but at least in my case specifically, it was definitely that.
I grew up juuust "talented" and "intelligent" enough that I could pick up new skills - up to a point at least - without trying too hard. However. The other side of that coin is that I never got into the habit of buckling down and doing the steeper-learning-curve work necessary to achieve real proficiency at any of those things. All the financial and emotional support in the world wouldn't have magically made me change my spots; only time and hard truths. Instead I meandered through life being low-effort-good-enough, not learning the lesson until it's too late to do much about it.
There's certainly worse lives to have, I'm well aware, so I mostly manage not to be a bellyacher about it beyond the occasional bit of whining. But hey, at least I'm funny, right? ...Right?
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:33 PM on January 27 [7 favorites]
Happy birthdayPhlegmco(tm)! Here are all the flowers and the love. You are such an amazing artist.
Thank you so much, mumimor, such kind and lovely words and you take care.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 2:55 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]
Thank you so much, mumimor, such kind and lovely words and you take care.
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 2:55 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]
It took a long time, but I’m OK being me. I know that sometimes I have not been the best of humans, but I very much hope that I have learned from those moment and carried myself forward into a kinder version.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:16 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:16 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]
I said that, then discovered I burned part of our dinner. GRRRRR.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:18 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:18 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]
I'm turning 65 tomorrow, so this kind of thing has been on my mind a lot lately.
After being laid off 15 years ago it took me 51 months to find a job, screwed by my company's HR policies that kept me from having a title/rank that the automatic resume readers recognized. But as those jobless months went on, my sense of self gradually disintegrated: I couldn't write anymore, I lost my interest in my hobbies, I didn't know who I was or what I was. Eventually, I was always just one bad day away from putting an end to it all.
But moving to a new state with better job opportunities got me a new career, albeit with a mentally unhealthy company that kept me from being able to heal. Those four years without a job had burned away all my cash and all my retirement funds, too, so I've been trying to financially recover ever since. When people ask me about my retirement plans, I tell them I'll be retired when they find me with a terminal case of keyboard face.
I'm making decent money, now, but I'll still never be able to catch up. And my health isn't great, either. (Two kinds of cancer in three years will take a lot out of you.) And while the esketamine treatments have improved my depression, I'll still be struggling with it for the rest of my life.
So who would I like to be if I could be anyone? I'd like to be anyone who isn't me. Maybe I'd have better luck second time.
posted by mkhall at 3:43 PM on January 27 [9 favorites]
After being laid off 15 years ago it took me 51 months to find a job, screwed by my company's HR policies that kept me from having a title/rank that the automatic resume readers recognized. But as those jobless months went on, my sense of self gradually disintegrated: I couldn't write anymore, I lost my interest in my hobbies, I didn't know who I was or what I was. Eventually, I was always just one bad day away from putting an end to it all.
But moving to a new state with better job opportunities got me a new career, albeit with a mentally unhealthy company that kept me from being able to heal. Those four years without a job had burned away all my cash and all my retirement funds, too, so I've been trying to financially recover ever since. When people ask me about my retirement plans, I tell them I'll be retired when they find me with a terminal case of keyboard face.
I'm making decent money, now, but I'll still never be able to catch up. And my health isn't great, either. (Two kinds of cancer in three years will take a lot out of you.) And while the esketamine treatments have improved my depression, I'll still be struggling with it for the rest of my life.
So who would I like to be if I could be anyone? I'd like to be anyone who isn't me. Maybe I'd have better luck second time.
posted by mkhall at 3:43 PM on January 27 [9 favorites]
Hugs to all who are going through stuff.
I'm pretty contented becoming the hairy old weirdo I never expected to be. I could be a lot more employed. My mental health could be so much more robust (I have no words to describe what's up, and the minimum wait time to get on even self-guided therapy here is a couple of months). But: there is food in the cupboard, All My Bills Been Paid, the furnace works 98% of the time, I know I'm loved and I can love in return. So I'm doing okay, really.
posted by scruss at 4:12 PM on January 27 [6 favorites]
I'm pretty contented becoming the hairy old weirdo I never expected to be. I could be a lot more employed. My mental health could be so much more robust (I have no words to describe what's up, and the minimum wait time to get on even self-guided therapy here is a couple of months). But: there is food in the cupboard, All My Bills Been Paid, the furnace works 98% of the time, I know I'm loved and I can love in return. So I'm doing okay, really.
posted by scruss at 4:12 PM on January 27 [6 favorites]
I know that I’m loved and I can love in return.
This keeps me going some days. There are people whose love for me surpasses all my understanding. And people who I love fiercely and beyond all understanding. Such a gift.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:43 PM on January 27 [10 favorites]
This keeps me going some days. There are people whose love for me surpasses all my understanding. And people who I love fiercely and beyond all understanding. Such a gift.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:43 PM on January 27 [10 favorites]
Sending hugs to all of you who want/need them. Socially distanced/no coughing though!
posted by gentlyepigrams at 5:45 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]
posted by gentlyepigrams at 5:45 PM on January 27 [3 favorites]
I’m grateful for all of you who shared in thread.
When I posted earlier I was worried about a bunch of stuff which is still there, but I did some volunteer work, dragged my butt to a medical person, saw a friend, worked on a quilt and came back, saw some job listings that don’t suck, came back and caught up on the thread. I feel less alone in so many ways.
The Floofmeister just hopped up in my lap so right now life is quite passable.
posted by bunderful at 7:53 PM on January 27 [5 favorites]
When I posted earlier I was worried about a bunch of stuff which is still there, but I did some volunteer work, dragged my butt to a medical person, saw a friend, worked on a quilt and came back, saw some job listings that don’t suck, came back and caught up on the thread. I feel less alone in so many ways.
The Floofmeister just hopped up in my lap so right now life is quite passable.
posted by bunderful at 7:53 PM on January 27 [5 favorites]
I like who I've become, but I wish I had understood some things earlier on. My marriage was pretty damaging. I have experienced a lot of depression. My son is likely bipolar, and it manifested early in life. So a lot of who I am is someone who struggled with things, who coped. Right now, I feel like myself more than I have in a while. It's great. My son noticed and was excited for me.
I was thinking earlier that it's kind of amazing that so many people are upright and living lives, as so many bear crushing weights and tote so much baggage. Humans are such fools and also sometimes amazing.
I am having a terrible time with - waves hand - all the things. You are all extraordinary and I'm happy you're here - on MeFi, on this planet.
posted by chekhov's sock at 10:45 PM on January 27 [14 favorites]
I was thinking earlier that it's kind of amazing that so many people are upright and living lives, as so many bear crushing weights and tote so much baggage. Humans are such fools and also sometimes amazing.
I am having a terrible time with - waves hand - all the things. You are all extraordinary and I'm happy you're here - on MeFi, on this planet.
posted by chekhov's sock at 10:45 PM on January 27 [14 favorites]
Been mulling over the idea that our limitations contain us, and how we either
Like they say, there are 2 kinds of people in the world: the disabled, and those who will be disabled.
Been lately strangely cheered by the realization I am more capable now than I will be in 25 years, or however many more years I can cheat from death. That doesn't seem like the sort of thing that ought to make me smile, but I will take the grin.
posted by otherchaz at 3:15 AM on January 28 [5 favorites]
- shatter
- struggle against
- navigate through
- adapt to
- embrace
Like they say, there are 2 kinds of people in the world: the disabled, and those who will be disabled.
Been lately strangely cheered by the realization I am more capable now than I will be in 25 years, or however many more years I can cheat from death. That doesn't seem like the sort of thing that ought to make me smile, but I will take the grin.
posted by otherchaz at 3:15 AM on January 28 [5 favorites]
I am finally free this week to work with clients who want to be engaged in treatment. I knew I was going to enjoy it, but the way it has lifted my mood has been incredible. I feel energized and hopeful. And I think it's a reflection of my clients' wish to be free, to seek help, to try. It feels wonderful to be on that journey together.
I hope I can work with kids again someday in therapy. I know they need it. And maybe the key to being able to do it will be having a balance of adults and kids. But for now I just feel this sense of immense relief and doing the right thing.
posted by Mouse Army at 4:53 AM on January 28 [10 favorites]
I hope I can work with kids again someday in therapy. I know they need it. And maybe the key to being able to do it will be having a balance of adults and kids. But for now I just feel this sense of immense relief and doing the right thing.
posted by Mouse Army at 4:53 AM on January 28 [10 favorites]
Well, thanks to Glorious Leader half of my family is now "free" of their careers and healthcare and pensions. I had been reassuring our elderly mother that it would take them a long time to dismantle her Social Security (her only income in retirement, she has no savings) but uh I guess I'm probably wrong, they appear to be able to just shut down anything they want forever immediately.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:21 AM on January 28 [7 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:21 AM on January 28 [7 favorites]
How did that happen, Wordshore?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:02 AM on January 28
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:02 AM on January 28
I appreciate the sharing in here. I know other people have similar struggles to my own, but hearing about them helps, so thank you to everyone. I appreciate EmpressCallipygos reminding me that nobody has perfect discipline - or if they do, they probably have problems in other areas.
But, I cannot right now imagine cataloguing (yet again) all the things I should have/could have done, or how my life might have been better with any number of different decisions, fewer fears, or some kind of mentor at just the right moment. Or hey, a dad who didn't tell me that a girl didn't have to be pretty, just thin!
I am trying on a forward-looking mindset this year - with mixed results so far - but also a little progress. :-) (You'll have to forgive the emoji, emoji haters, because I made the effort to end this comment on a less pessimistic note.)
posted by Glinn at 9:58 AM on January 28 [2 favorites]
But, I cannot right now imagine cataloguing (yet again) all the things I should have/could have done, or how my life might have been better with any number of different decisions, fewer fears, or some kind of mentor at just the right moment. Or hey, a dad who didn't tell me that a girl didn't have to be pretty, just thin!
I am trying on a forward-looking mindset this year - with mixed results so far - but also a little progress. :-) (You'll have to forgive the emoji, emoji haters, because I made the effort to end this comment on a less pessimistic note.)
posted by Glinn at 9:58 AM on January 28 [2 favorites]
Positive mind atoms to all who need them.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:23 AM on January 28 [2 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:23 AM on January 28 [2 favorites]
Ask A Manager has a bit of a palate cleanser for *waves hands wildly in the air*.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 11:58 AM on January 28 [3 favorites]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 11:58 AM on January 28 [3 favorites]
There are far too many people in my circle right now who have this week had The Horrors of the non-political kind come visiting, from the mundanities of work being a madhouse and unexpected internet outages to the return of decade-old stalkers and the need for a restraining order because of domestic violence.
May everyone's personal Horrors settle the hell down quickly and cleanly.
posted by sandrayln at 8:20 PM on January 28 [5 favorites]
May everyone's personal Horrors settle the hell down quickly and cleanly.
posted by sandrayln at 8:20 PM on January 28 [5 favorites]
I think the past 12 hours of my life were designed by Monty Python.
* The show I'm running sound for had a big scare last night - we were midway through our final dress when suddenly one of the producers spoke up and say that we needed to stop, since she'd just learned that our venue (which has some say over these matters) was forcing us to shove an intermission into the play by posting on their website that "there is an intermission" for our play. So we would need to pause, have a break, and then resume the rehearsal. We didn't finish the run as a result.
* We had an emergency meeting for the tech team after the run, during which the producer first emailed the venue to say "what the fuck, you gave us no notice" and then we discussed the intermission tech elements. After fifteen minutes of discussing a) what the light and sound and video projections would look like, b) when those elements would be inserted into the control computers, and c) when we would rehearse those moments, we got an email back from the venue saying "yeah, you're right, our bad, we'll fix the web site" and the whole thing was moot.
* When I got up this morning and head for the bathroom, the very last one of the three weird bulbs in the bathroom light fixture burned out. I have been waiting for a hardware store up the street to get these weird bulbs in. I called them in a panic and brought them the burnt-out bulb asking if they had even just ONE they could sell me. Turns out they cannot - the bulbs in the bathroom are those weird two-pin halogen bulbs, which they told me are now illegal for them to sell - they can only sell the LED kind, which will not FIT in my bathroom fixture (I've tried). My only option for the halogens, he said, would be to order them from Amazon. However - I have a job interview today at 2 pm and need bathroom lighting to make myself look presentable. He took pity on me and sold me a plug-in socket and a regular bulb to make do for now.
* I tried to order said bulbs from Amazon on my phone, with his supervision so I could make sure I got it right. However, my phone would not sign me into my Amazon account and I kept getting the password wrong. I had to race home and order from the desktop computer where I could successfully log in and get the damn things.
* My pilot light on my stove isn't working properly, and hasn't been for some time becuase every time I try to bring my super over to see it, it works fine, and he insists I'm doing something wrong.
* My dishwasher is getting increasingly less functional.
....This had all BETTER be karma trying to balance out a huge jackpot in the next few days, dammit.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:32 AM on January 29 [2 favorites]
* The show I'm running sound for had a big scare last night - we were midway through our final dress when suddenly one of the producers spoke up and say that we needed to stop, since she'd just learned that our venue (which has some say over these matters) was forcing us to shove an intermission into the play by posting on their website that "there is an intermission" for our play. So we would need to pause, have a break, and then resume the rehearsal. We didn't finish the run as a result.
* We had an emergency meeting for the tech team after the run, during which the producer first emailed the venue to say "what the fuck, you gave us no notice" and then we discussed the intermission tech elements. After fifteen minutes of discussing a) what the light and sound and video projections would look like, b) when those elements would be inserted into the control computers, and c) when we would rehearse those moments, we got an email back from the venue saying "yeah, you're right, our bad, we'll fix the web site" and the whole thing was moot.
* When I got up this morning and head for the bathroom, the very last one of the three weird bulbs in the bathroom light fixture burned out. I have been waiting for a hardware store up the street to get these weird bulbs in. I called them in a panic and brought them the burnt-out bulb asking if they had even just ONE they could sell me. Turns out they cannot - the bulbs in the bathroom are those weird two-pin halogen bulbs, which they told me are now illegal for them to sell - they can only sell the LED kind, which will not FIT in my bathroom fixture (I've tried). My only option for the halogens, he said, would be to order them from Amazon. However - I have a job interview today at 2 pm and need bathroom lighting to make myself look presentable. He took pity on me and sold me a plug-in socket and a regular bulb to make do for now.
* I tried to order said bulbs from Amazon on my phone, with his supervision so I could make sure I got it right. However, my phone would not sign me into my Amazon account and I kept getting the password wrong. I had to race home and order from the desktop computer where I could successfully log in and get the damn things.
* My pilot light on my stove isn't working properly, and hasn't been for some time becuase every time I try to bring my super over to see it, it works fine, and he insists I'm doing something wrong.
* My dishwasher is getting increasingly less functional.
....This had all BETTER be karma trying to balance out a huge jackpot in the next few days, dammit.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:32 AM on January 29 [2 favorites]
My allergies are giving me hell this morning. Sneezing/sniffling/eye-watering levels are astronomical - or maybe geological; at least a couple of my sneezes surely must have registered on the Richter scale. Even my usually reliable antihistamine medication can't touch it. Bleah.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:53 AM on January 29
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:53 AM on January 29
I've already abandoned 3 sodden bandannas to the laundry basket.
Incidentally, "3 Sodden Bandannas" is the name of my new trio.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:07 AM on January 29 [2 favorites]
Incidentally, "3 Sodden Bandannas" is the name of my new trio.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:07 AM on January 29 [2 favorites]
I now have a temporary crown, a headache and half of my face is sore. But the tooth is fixed. And my dentist made a delightedly funny joke, apologizing for "all the shrapnel" as he was shaping the tooth for the crown.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 11:41 AM on January 29 [1 favorite]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 11:41 AM on January 29 [1 favorite]
This may be telling, but I have always been happiest and felt most actualized when I was in charge of my work environment, whether it was the Army, the courier company, the art supply stores or the farm. I'm on a trajectory to get there again so I'm feeling pretty free and happy right now. I accept the fact that my new career in social work is never going to lead to the wealth I had in the nineties or oughts. My dad remained mentally active into his nineties so I may have quite a while left.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:32 PM on January 29 [2 favorites]
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:32 PM on January 29 [2 favorites]
I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner, but eating some store-bought steak fries drenched in Sriracha sauce finally cleared out my nose. Blessed relief!
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:23 PM on January 29 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:23 PM on January 29 [2 favorites]
After the better part of a week without heat (and more importantly for my sanity, hot water) Mr. Dog woke me with shouts about the propane truck trespassing on our patch of dirt this morning at stupid-o-clock. A few hours later, the house is now mid-sixties F instead of mid-fifties (an alarming difference in comfort) and I was able to relight the hot water heater after ignoring its instructions, in the end. Just got out of a gloriously hot shower and feel almost human again, and fit once more to be in public (from an odor perspective, in any case).
posted by maxwelton at 3:31 PM on January 29 [4 favorites]
posted by maxwelton at 3:31 PM on January 29 [4 favorites]
A hot shower cures more ills than odor, so I celebrate the return of heat to your abode.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:06 PM on January 29 [3 favorites]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:06 PM on January 29 [3 favorites]
Last year our heat went out because of a plumbing issue and it was [mindbogglingly embarrassing period of time] before we remembered that the AC in our bedroom and living room ALSO do heating. Boy was that a quick transition from cold and stoic to warm and mortified.
posted by taz at 6:03 PM on January 29
posted by taz at 6:03 PM on January 29
Metafilter: warm and mortified
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:11 PM on January 29 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:11 PM on January 29 [1 favorite]
I feel ya, Max - we were without heat for a weekend during a cold snap. The super had to special order a part. I coped by doing a lot of baking and piling all my throw blankets on my bed.
It also let the super find and seal up some rat holes so that situation also GREATLY improved.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:05 PM on January 29 [1 favorite]
It also let the super find and seal up some rat holes so that situation also GREATLY improved.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:05 PM on January 29 [1 favorite]
I spent hours writing and rewriting a cover letter today. Sent it off earlier this evening and I’m still thinking about it.
I would like to be the kind of person who just does the thing and then is done with it.
posted by bunderful at 8:46 PM on January 29 [5 favorites]
I would like to be the kind of person who just does the thing and then is done with it.
posted by bunderful at 8:46 PM on January 29 [5 favorites]
As someone who obsesses endlessly over inconsequential word and punctuation choices yet still posts uniformly crap jokes, I often wonder what that would feel like....
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:50 PM on January 29 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:50 PM on January 29 [2 favorites]
Me too bunderful and greg_ace my mum could do that, if she thought there was fun to be had (that was essential) someone deserved a verbal jab, or sometimes if an opportunity arose she would go for it, and no apologies. I didn't know her long enough but those times are some of my most meaningful memories of her.
posted by unearthed at 12:07 AM on January 30 [2 favorites]
posted by unearthed at 12:07 AM on January 30 [2 favorites]
I have been...CONCERNED...about our Hamlet, who has been reading lines and not really doing any acting. Like "why did this guy get the role when we have someone else who can do better" (Laertes)? I am happy to report that he's actually acting and showing feelings and emoting as of last night's rehearsal. Ophelia said something along the lines of someone having to clarify to him what emotions he's supposed to be feeling and now he can do that. One hopes. I hope he keeps improving, but I was all "WHEW" last night.
We have also finally finished filling out the cast, acquiring a Claudius/ghost who is very good (I applauded after his ghost monologue last night) and my friend Sarah from musicals, who did a great job knocking it out of the park as Rosenkrantz. She's another one like me: never gets lines or anything, and needs better roles. We now have a very fun carpool of her and Ophelia since we all live close to each other.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:46 AM on January 30 [3 favorites]
We have also finally finished filling out the cast, acquiring a Claudius/ghost who is very good (I applauded after his ghost monologue last night) and my friend Sarah from musicals, who did a great job knocking it out of the park as Rosenkrantz. She's another one like me: never gets lines or anything, and needs better roles. We now have a very fun carpool of her and Ophelia since we all live close to each other.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:46 AM on January 30 [3 favorites]
Today I am grateful that yesterday's allergy dreadfulness is not repeating itself. All I have left to remember it is a raw and tender nose.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:27 AM on January 30 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:27 AM on January 30 [3 favorites]
In two weeks I have to attend a course that is four 8:30 am to 5 pm weekdays. I don't have a car and rideshare is iffy and expensive during the morning rush. The instructor is known for denying entry and credit to anyone who is late. A coworker who I'm pretty sure has a crush on me is probably going to offer to drive me. It's an eighty minute walk on roads that don't have sidewalks. I hate this situation.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 1:39 AM on January 31 [2 favorites]
posted by Mr. Yuck at 1:39 AM on January 31 [2 favorites]
If I can celebrate a couple small wins:
1. So, someone in my Buy Nothing group is going out of town for a couple months and was giving away a selection of food he was afraid would go bad. He picked me for the giveaway. And then added a few more things to the pickup as I was heading there to collect. So when I got there, he gave me:
About half a big bottle of olive oil, some avocado oil and some sesame oil
A half a bottle of Shaoxing cooking wine
A small package of Farro
A half bag of pinto beans (one of the few varieties of beans I DON'T have)
A small French press coffee maker
A jar of mustard
3/4 of a can of whole bean fancy ass coffee
A jug of maple syrup
And EIGHT EGGS
I am cooking up all the pintos this morning to have on standby for next week's meals, and today's breakfast might be French toast. And I am also going to make a cake tomorrow because EIGHT EGGS Y'ALL
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:50 AM on January 31 [3 favorites]
1. So, someone in my Buy Nothing group is going out of town for a couple months and was giving away a selection of food he was afraid would go bad. He picked me for the giveaway. And then added a few more things to the pickup as I was heading there to collect. So when I got there, he gave me:
About half a big bottle of olive oil, some avocado oil and some sesame oil
A half a bottle of Shaoxing cooking wine
A small package of Farro
A half bag of pinto beans (one of the few varieties of beans I DON'T have)
A small French press coffee maker
A jar of mustard
3/4 of a can of whole bean fancy ass coffee
A jug of maple syrup
And EIGHT EGGS
I am cooking up all the pintos this morning to have on standby for next week's meals, and today's breakfast might be French toast. And I am also going to make a cake tomorrow because EIGHT EGGS Y'ALL
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:50 AM on January 31 [3 favorites]
Oh the second small win:
Yesterday at the show, I ran into another actor I worked with 20 years ago. We caught up a bit; and when I mentioned I was looking for work, he told me that Equity is looking to hire audition monitors. I would DEFINITELY qualify and I am calling them today. So yay networking!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:53 AM on January 31 [4 favorites]
Yesterday at the show, I ran into another actor I worked with 20 years ago. We caught up a bit; and when I mentioned I was looking for work, he told me that Equity is looking to hire audition monitors. I would DEFINITELY qualify and I am calling them today. So yay networking!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:53 AM on January 31 [4 favorites]
To have a hip replacement or not that is the current question not to mention the meaning of freedom these days. First diagnosed in 1997 and handled since then with a stiff upper lip, occasional painkillers, and increasingly over the years, a lot of work in the gym, I mean a lot of work, to build up muscle to support the hip. The pain went up a notch or two for 9 months of 2024, often 24/7, restricted mobility, body twisted out of shape to compensate, wake up 4 times a night on average when I make the mistake of rolling over onto the wrong side.
My wife misses 'spoons' so do I, our spooning requires me to lie on my dodgy hip side. Doctor daughter tells me it has changed me, "you were always very active now you sit still, read, listen to music, all of which I love, maybe it is a subconscious pain avoidance strategy, maybe you will rediscover going out after an operation."
I was convinced then I wasn't. The last 2 months have been pain free but my mobility is compromised and my posture and walk that of a side winder. Plus Dr. Google and her talk of leg length discrepancy, feet turned inwards permanently etc.
Yesterday, I went to a super duper private clinic in the Netherlands ( all covered by my regular Dutch health insurance no extra cost to me) more boutique hotel than hospital, spoke to a hyper bright, open, chatty, expert orthopaedic surgeon who would do the job, full hip replacement. "When would you like it?" he beamed? Spring? Summer? Sooner? "Have a chat with your wife, plan your holidays and the rest of it, pick a time that suits you and allows for rehab, then give me a call."
So here I am scratching my noggin and wondering. Pain I can cope with, worse pain even. But no spoons? And will my life style really change back to what it was? What should I do? Better put on some music, make a pot of tea and ruminate a while. Maybe I should post this in Ask Mefi. The family will say, get it done already, like 10 years ago. Apparently, I'm a stubborn bugger.
posted by dutchrick at 6:11 AM on January 31 [3 favorites]
My wife misses 'spoons' so do I, our spooning requires me to lie on my dodgy hip side. Doctor daughter tells me it has changed me, "you were always very active now you sit still, read, listen to music, all of which I love, maybe it is a subconscious pain avoidance strategy, maybe you will rediscover going out after an operation."
I was convinced then I wasn't. The last 2 months have been pain free but my mobility is compromised and my posture and walk that of a side winder. Plus Dr. Google and her talk of leg length discrepancy, feet turned inwards permanently etc.
Yesterday, I went to a super duper private clinic in the Netherlands ( all covered by my regular Dutch health insurance no extra cost to me) more boutique hotel than hospital, spoke to a hyper bright, open, chatty, expert orthopaedic surgeon who would do the job, full hip replacement. "When would you like it?" he beamed? Spring? Summer? Sooner? "Have a chat with your wife, plan your holidays and the rest of it, pick a time that suits you and allows for rehab, then give me a call."
So here I am scratching my noggin and wondering. Pain I can cope with, worse pain even. But no spoons? And will my life style really change back to what it was? What should I do? Better put on some music, make a pot of tea and ruminate a while. Maybe I should post this in Ask Mefi. The family will say, get it done already, like 10 years ago. Apparently, I'm a stubborn bugger.
posted by dutchrick at 6:11 AM on January 31 [3 favorites]
Happy Friday to all of you weird nerds still on MetaFilter with me.
I hope your week has been fantastic and even if it hasn't, it's nearly over at least, so you got that going for you.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:10 AM on January 31 [3 favorites]
I hope your week has been fantastic and even if it hasn't, it's nearly over at least, so you got that going for you.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:10 AM on January 31 [3 favorites]
Dutchrick, my Dad had one hip replaced in his late 60s. He was always reasonably active but the hip had reduced him to a doddering cripple. The operation was textbook and there were no complications, my dad enthusiastically put in the work of recovery and rehab, and he was like a 40 yr old again. Pain-free, long walks with the dog, etc. He enjoyed this level of activity for 15 years, til something else took him out.
posted by Artful Codger at 8:37 AM on January 31 [2 favorites]
posted by Artful Codger at 8:37 AM on January 31 [2 favorites]
tomorrow we're driving a cargo van to install the prodigal daughter in her new place. a place with adequate heat, an on-site super, a lock on the door, that has no one else living in it, and a real lease, with her name on it, with a commercial landlord of moderate repute. this will relieve significant mental burdens for my partner and i. any future mental health issues from that quarter will hopefully not be caused by housing-related shenanigans. also she'll be living in essentially ground zero in toronto's queer village, even closer than we do, able to throw a rock and hit the 519 community centre, walkable to her doctors and myriad entertainments and distractions, with buses right outside her door and the subway less than a block away.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:19 AM on January 31 [4 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:19 AM on January 31 [4 favorites]
The Paul Masson Winery has announced that they will be pivoting to mass industrial desalinization. During a press conference a spokesman explained that due to the need for retooling their factories and building up an inventory, there would be a delay before their new product is available in stores, clarifying "We will sell no brine before its time."
That punch line came to me as I was drifting off to sleep last night, and I actually got up to write myself a reminder so I wouldn't forget to inflict it on you good people this morning.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:59 AM on January 31 [3 favorites]
That punch line came to me as I was drifting off to sleep last night, and I actually got up to write myself a reminder so I wouldn't forget to inflict it on you good people this morning.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:59 AM on January 31 [3 favorites]
If it's any consolation, my brain is constantly floating up silly crap during that state but I manage not to burden Metafilter with most of it.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:03 AM on January 31 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:03 AM on January 31 [1 favorite]
I hear that. Trying to work my way up to posting the 1986 Soviet sci-fi comedy I am watching onto FF. I can make an argument it's a fun little underseen gem, so I probably will, but it's also definite DOT Is Back on His Bullshit stuff, too. So yeah.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:07 AM on January 31
posted by DirtyOldTown at 11:07 AM on January 31
In the last seven days I have been injected and recovered from part 2 of the shingles vaccination, came within a whisker of having a root canal (but now have a temporary crown), kicked a bench so hard that I split open the top of one of my toes (along with a nice bruise) and finalized the purchase of a new vehicle. I have already named the car “Lucy” in honor of my long deceased, but much loved kitty.
While the vehicle purchase happened on a considerably earlier timeline then I had originally planned (once again waves hands wildly at all the STUFF out there). Kiddo gets a solid, safe vehicle for his use once he is driving and I get a pretty new one of my own.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 1:00 PM on January 31
While the vehicle purchase happened on a considerably earlier timeline then I had originally planned (once again waves hands wildly at all the STUFF out there). Kiddo gets a solid, safe vehicle for his use once he is driving and I get a pretty new one of my own.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 1:00 PM on January 31
And she’s in the apartment, stuff moved. Ahhhh.
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:29 AM on February 1 [2 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 10:29 AM on February 1 [2 favorites]
I am hurkle-durkleing right now, which is great, but my stomach is starting to demand food and wants to ruin it. Pooh.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:30 AM on February 1
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:30 AM on February 1
Well today I learnt the term hurkle-durkle and it's my new favourite, so thanks for that.
posted by Coaticass at 1:51 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]
posted by Coaticass at 1:51 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]
New term for me too. I hurkle-durkle on Mondays. I'm usually exhausted from working doubles all weekend and this Monday it was chilly and rainy so it felt especially good.
I'm at work. Gary has refused his meds 3 days in a row and his schizophrenia is pretty bad now. I feel for him. I start having bursts of negative thoughts when I miss a dose and I can only imagine what it's like for him.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:00 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]
I'm at work. Gary has refused his meds 3 days in a row and his schizophrenia is pretty bad now. I feel for him. I start having bursts of negative thoughts when I miss a dose and I can only imagine what it's like for him.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:00 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]
I ended up doing it again this afternoon. I was just too tired and took a 2.5 hour nap. Yeesh. It's a cold, rainy day here and I swear they sap my energy and will to live, even if i don't have to go out in the rain.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:37 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:37 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]
I have been half-assing the job hunt for the past couple days, but the show schedule has me all messed up. And it's not like I'm doingnothing, it'sall just the Indeed and Linkedin trolling is all.
Oh well, I have an interview with another recruiter Monday and the show I'd dark, so I am spending the rest of the day after that making lots of Mexican food and baking a cake.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:40 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]
Oh well, I have an interview with another recruiter Monday and the show I'd dark, so I am spending the rest of the day after that making lots of Mexican food and baking a cake.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:40 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]
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posted by HearHere at 4:16 AM on January 27 [3 favorites]