Make 'em button up

April 13, 2025 8:04 AM

Crack That Tank (13 minutes) is a World War II training film. A tank commander, played by Dick Purcell, explains to infantry soldiers (the film's audience) what to do when they find 25 tons of rolling metal death bearing down on them on the battlefield.

For many of the young soldiers preparing for battle, this would be the last film they would see in their lives.

Dick Purcell died young at 38, but left behind 14 years of film work, including the starring role in a Captain America serial.

Thanks to Jason Lefkowitz for reminding me about this short. I saw it last year and considered posting it, but then forgot about it. It's a cool little short, and interesting both for its explication of military tactics, and the way Purcell's character expresses himself.

posted by JHarris (14 comments total)

"but what the hell, we're all playin on the same team ain't we" time travels to 2025, loses fucking mind
posted by ginger.beef at 8:09 AM on April 13 [13 favorites]

Wish I’d seen this last week before that Panzer IV showed up in the Costco parking lot.

Great training film. I would have needed that “leave your foxhole and run away if you want to be machine-gunned in the back” message to keep me in place with 18 tons of Nazi steel about to drive over me.
posted by Lemkin at 9:33 AM on April 13 [5 favorites]

I wonder what the modern equivalent of these films looks like. Some thing Call-of-Duty-ish I imagine. VR?
posted by gottabefunky at 9:57 AM on April 13 [1 favorite]

(I bet the instructor isn’t smoking and drinking though.)
posted by gottabefunky at 9:59 AM on April 13 [4 favorites]

Or referring to the women waiting at home as “dames”.
posted by Lemkin at 10:06 AM on April 13 [4 favorites]

Wikipedia:

Purcell got the title role in the 1944 despite being somewhat overweight. The script was loosely based on the comic book character . The serial has Captain America, whose everyday identity is Grant Gardner, thwarting the attempts of The Scarab, the villainous alter ego of museum curator Dr. Cyrus Maldor, to acquire a pair of super weapon devices, the "Dynamic Vibrator" and "Electronic Firebolt".

posted by Lemkin at 10:31 AM on April 13

or many of the young soldiers preparing for battle, this would be the last film they would see in their lives.

On the other hand, it may have also saved the lives of many American infantrymen. I had a great-uncle who was with the US 2nd Infantry Division at the Battle of Elsenborn Ridge, part of the northern branch of the German advance during the Battle of the Bulge, and right in the path of Joachim Peiper's route to Huy and then Antwerp.

The 99th Infantry Division was positioned just to the left of the 2nd ID, and represented the northernmost element of the Allied line in the Ardennes. The 99th had never seen combat before, but along with the 2nd, they managed to halt Peiper's advance, and redirect it to the south and west, where they eventually ran out of fuel and abandoned their remaining tanks. Following the offensive, German commanders concluded that coordinated anti-tank efforts (artillery spotting, air support, and small-unit anti-tank tactics) by American forces had been too effective for their plan to succeed (although many privately doubted that it could have succeeded in the first place). While the Battle of the Bulge was somewhat of a wake-up call for the Allies, a major result was losses in German armor that could not be replaced.

My only question is why was this filmed in what appears to be the bierstube from Inglourious Basterds?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:04 AM on April 13 [7 favorites]

„My only question is why was this filmed in what appears to be the bierstube from Inglourious Basterds?“

Well, they had pubs in England, hadn't they?
posted by Metahirn at 11:17 AM on April 13

On the other hand, it may have also saved the lives of many American infantrymen.

I'm sure that it did! When a big threatening murder car is trundling towards you, your only chance for survival is precise and effective tactics of the kind Purcell touts, and they're presented entertainingly enough to hold the soldiers' attentions and be memorable. This film probably saved a lot of lives. Just not all of them.
posted by JHarris at 12:03 PM on April 13 [5 favorites]

The serial has Captain America, whose everyday identity is Grant Gardner, thwarting the attempts of The Scarab, the villainous alter ego of museum curator Dr. Cyrus Maldor, to acquire a pair of super weapon devices, the "Dynamic Vibrator" and "Electronic Firebolt".

Finally, the smoking gun we've been waiting for. Lemkin has been a recursive AI hallucination all this time, bookem Dano
posted by ginger.beef at 1:57 PM on April 13 [2 favorites]

Naw, there's no way a generative AI could ever be allowed by its Corporate Masters to say the word vibrator.
posted by JHarris at 3:08 PM on April 13

Now I know where Doctor Who telling soldiers trying to fight Daleks to "aim for the eyepiece" came from.
posted by Slogby at 9:51 PM on April 13 [3 favorites]

I remember my dad telling me about learning to fight tanks including the use of a hazardous device called a Sticky Bomb [Imp. War Museum], and an early manpad called a PIAT

Dad came from a line of bomb makers and described this stuff really well. What was really scary was a lot of this ordance was kept by individual Territorials aka Dad's Army at home. Dad used to keep his Sten gun and rifle in the hall umbrella stand!
posted by unearthed at 1:09 PM on April 14 [2 favorites]

My pop was a USMC tank operator in Korea; drove a Pershing. Told almost no war stories except for one time, when he was mad at me (probably for asking about war stories), he told me about the time a couple guys broke from cover in front of him.

He did love driving tanks as a vehicle. Favorite story was the time they were having the gun turret repaired and while they waited, they took turns driving with the top off, “speeding” down the road.

Anyway, this film explained so much. Especially for how much my dad and probably tons of other guys spent their lives yearning to return to the simplicity of “You do your job. We’ll do ours.”
posted by toodleydoodley at 7:30 PM on April 14 [3 favorites]