I didn't even know some of these guys existed...

July 10, 2003 9:01 PM

Which 2004 U.S. presidential candidate are you? Think you know which candidate best aligns with your political ideals? You may be surprised. Me, I got 100% for Howard Dean, who I'd never heard of before. I don't really believe that anyone sharing my political leanings is going to get anywhere near the White House, but it's nice to know that there's someone out there for me... (ps. Posted before, but I think that three years is a good in-between time, and it's about that time again.)
posted by majcher (58 comments total)

Interesting. I answered honestly in what I thought was a fairly moderate fashion, but scored 100% for Nader and 98% for Kucinich. Is this because so few candidates are on the record as wanting to raise taxes and increase welfare rolls? Dear god, what have the 90s done to us?

P.S. Wow, Lyndon LaRouche is a total nutcase.
posted by PrinceValium at 9:13 PM on July 10, 2003

I scored a 100% for Kodos, but only a 15% for Kang. WTF?

Heh. I took the test a few days ago; no big surprises. And I'm very proud of the fact that Lyndon LaRouche rates a whopping -12% with me!
posted by davidmsc at 9:14 PM on July 10, 2003

I got 100% for Kucinich. Blech!
posted by kickingtheground at 9:29 PM on July 10, 2003

Also, on a lighter note, from the same site: the Presidential Mistress Selector. Fun, fun.
posted by majcher at 9:32 PM on July 10, 2003

Also: I think their algorithm is somewhat off. 50% of people "pick" Kucinich, while a whopping 0% get Bob Graham or Daschle or McCain.
posted by kickingtheground at 9:35 PM on July 10, 2003

1. Kucinich  (98%)  
2. Edwards  (94%) 
3. Dean   (93%) 

Since Kucinich doesn't have a chance, i'll buy that. I'm hoping for an Edwards/Dean ticket myself.
posted by amberglow at 9:40 PM on July 10, 2003

1. Kucinich - 94
2. Dean - 86
3. Edwars - 82

LaRouche - 0
posted by cohappy at 9:44 PM on July 10, 2003

1. Libertarian Candidate (100%)
2. Bush, George W. - US President (93%)
3. Buchanan, Patrick J. ­ Reform/Republican (72%)
4. Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat (54%)
5. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (53%)
[...]
27. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (0%)

Yah, I'm libertarian-oid. And I'll hold my nose and vote for Bush rather than about any Democrat.

But 72% Buchanan? Golly, I must have missed the question about whether you favor herding Jews into concentration camps. And Dick "I am all things to all men" Gephardt?!? You've got to kidding. And the Constitution party is a bunch of 1930's paleocons minus the antisemitism, as far as I can tell.

As for LaRouche, yep, right on the money. Democrat. Heh.

The test is fun, but a little screwy.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 11:30 PM on July 10, 2003

Holy shit -- that gizmo thinks I'm for Al Sharpton! Nice harido, but otherwise, dude, I don't think so.

Anyway, after that I got Dean and Edwards. And as time goes by, actually I think my dream team probably is a Dean/Edwards ticket. I don't know why so many people think Dean can't win 'cause he's too far left. If they paid any attention, the same peeps would probably think he was too far right. To me, that indicates he's just about exactly what we need.
posted by spilon at 11:36 PM on July 10, 2003

Yah, I'm libertarian-oid. And I'll hold my nose and vote for Bush rather than about any Democrat.

If I were a libertarian in the States I think I'd sooner vote Green or spoil my ballot than vote for Mr. PATRIOT Act. That's ust me though, maybe libertairianism doesn't mean what I think it means.

(100% Kucinich, hadn't even bothered to look at him too closely before)
posted by Space Coyote at 11:43 PM on July 10, 2003

Why knock Kucinich? He's right about a lot of things. Space-based missile defense is a big waste of money. The military wastes too much money. Some wasteful military projects should be cut. More money should go to education. Everyone should have health coverage. Gays shouldn't be discriminated against and should have the right to marry if they so choose. Iraq was a bad idea.

A lot of people believe all of these things, but Kucinich makes them a matter of policy. What's so radical about that?
posted by insomnia_lj at 2:48 AM on July 11, 2003

What Space Coyote said. 8)

94% Dean, 94% Kucinich, 93% Sharpton (!?).

Also, 2% Bush and 0% LaRouche.
posted by Cerebus at 5:18 AM on July 11, 2003

Coyote, I just looked over the Green platform. Most libertarians aren't happy with PATRIOT. But the Green platform seems intent in repeating all the social policy mistakes of the past thirty years, promises huge amounts of new spending, and huge tax increases (always on someone else, of course) to pay for it.

Libertarians will never buy it.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 5:44 AM on July 11, 2003

I'm a Deanie- Weenie, part of the vast and growing army of Democratians seeking to dislodge this Texas booger from the nostril of the nation.

I propose our campaign song to be - The Rodeo Song (amended):

"Well here comes Georgie
With his pecker in his hand
He's a one-ball man
And he's off to the rodeo
It's an allamande left
And allamande right
C'mon you fuckin' dummy
Get your right step right
Get offstage you goddamn goof
Y'know you piss me off
You fucking jerk
Get on my nerves"
posted by Perigee at 5:45 AM on July 11, 2003

[offtopic]

I always thought the line was "get offstage you goddamn gook" and as such was yet another example of David Alan Coe's regrettably racist repertoire. But "goof"? Can it be, and is "gook" just another of my own personal mondegreens?

[/offtopic]
posted by yhbc at 6:33 AM on July 11, 2003

Kucinich can't win. He's had two failed marriages, a bad haircut (toupee?), and is a vegan.
posted by norm at 6:43 AM on July 11, 2003

FWIW, Feingold was my nuber one democrat, and as far as I can tell, he's the only geniunely principled man or woman in the Senate.

Now that Wellstone's dead.
posted by norm at 6:44 AM on July 11, 2003

I got the same match-up for the Socialist Party as I did for Joe Leiberman. I always knew that bastard was a Red.

FWIW, I got exactly the same as PrinceValium.

18% match with Bush.
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:04 AM on July 11, 2003

I hope Kucinich at least makes it to the actual primary. It would be a damn shame if he decided to quit in September.
posted by jann at 7:11 AM on July 11, 2003

okay, I'm really not trying to be a bitch and maybe it's just that I'm immersed in this stuff, but my reaction to this was: should someone who hasn't heard of Dean yet even be allowed to vote? An uninformed electorate seems like a terribly dangerous thing.

(Nothing personal majcher, it was a great link.)
posted by CunningLinguist at 7:31 AM on July 11, 2003

Everyone in the Senate except Feingold voted for the USA PATRIOT ACT.

I live in Wisconsin, and you cannot imagine how proud I am of this.

Oh, and:

93% Dean
93% Kucinich
81% Kerry
--
18% Bush
0% LaRouche

Personally, I'm wary of Howard Dean. I haven't been totally convinced of his sincerity, and fear that, should he be nominated, we'll have a reprise of the Al Gore 2000 story: he'll say anything to get elected.

But at least Dean is hip on blogging. That's a damn sight better than Gore.
posted by rocketman at 7:36 AM on July 11, 2003

Most libertarians aren't happy with PATRIOT. But the Green platform seems intent in repeating all the social policy mistakes of the past thirty years, promises huge amounts of new spending, and huge tax increases (always on someone else, of course) to pay for it.

Translation: Most so-called libertarians want zero taxes, and don't give a shit about civil liberties.
posted by goethean at 7:56 AM on July 11, 2003

Translation: Most so-called libertarians want zero taxes, and don't give a shit about civil liberties.

Translation of translation: "I don't know what libertarians are."
posted by kindall at 8:04 AM on July 11, 2003

I got 100% Green Party and 84% Kuchinch. I thought that was a bit odd, since I saw the Green Party as being mostly about environmental issues. Saving the environment is a good idea and all, but honestly it's just not something I'm very passionate about. But reading through the Green Party's positions, I realized I do agree with them. I think the likelyhood of their positions ever being officially adopted is very, very low, and they aren't perfect solutions, but I think they are better than the alternative. I did actually vote for Nader in 2000, but mostly because I lived in Colorado and there was no way in hell I was voting for Bush, so it didn't really matter who I voted for. Both Bush and Gore rode their father's coattails, which I didn't care for-- and as Rocketman says, Gore would have said anything to get elected, and that appealed to me even less. I even considered writing myself in, but it was too much hassle in the end.
posted by Shoeburyness at 8:06 AM on July 11, 2003

Trharlan: You're right. I've seen polls showing only about 9% of the nation has heard of Dean and most people haven't tuned into the race at all. I just meant, if you haven't heard of Dean - who's been all over TV news, newspapers and internet news sources - you probably haven't heard of most of the developments or debates on the political front either.

And don't get me started on the whole "it doesn't matter which party is in charge" thing.
posted by CunningLinguist at 8:07 AM on July 11, 2003

I got 93% for General Zod. Kneel!
posted by eyebeam at 8:15 AM on July 11, 2003

Space Coyote: Everyone in the Senate except Feingold voted for the USA PATRIOT ACT.

This is, to a degree, why libertarians (big or little "l") are fed up equally by the Democrats and the Republicans.

I think this is why politics in general makes me sad. As for the libertarians, I think I could identify more with the libertarian ideals if their ranks weren't so dominated by Randian wackjobs who just want big fat tax cuts.
posted by Space Coyote at 8:39 AM on July 11, 2003

Anyone else in 2004! Sing it with me!
posted by LittleMissCranky at 8:51 AM on July 11, 2003

Show me anyone in the major parties who will admit that the war on drugs is an utter failure.

Kucinich - A safe, free and just America is undermined, not bolstered, by the costly and ineffective War on Drugs. While well-intentioned, this misguided policy -- which emphasizes criminalization over treatment -- has led to increased violent crime, misdirected resources of law enforcement and restricted Constitutional liberties.

I wouldn't be too quick to pigeon-hole trharlan.
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:59 AM on July 11, 2003

Any so-called libertarian that supports the Bush administration has neo-conservatism and libertarianism confused.
posted by goethean at 9:00 AM on July 11, 2003

And FWIW, this is all I could find on Dean (Scroll down a bit) -- Q: I'm looking at the national level. There's a lot of spending for television advertisement, ads in Metro--do you think that's an effective way of dealing with this issue?

DEAN: Some of it is. I mean it's a horrible issue. We need to treat drugs as a public health problem.. That's difficult to do. We actually don't have a lot of drug users in our jails; the ones we have in there are drug users who are also dealers. Jails not a particularly effective way to get people to stop using drugs; treatment is.

Q: Have you had success in dealing with this issue?

DEAN: Nope we've had a heroin problem that's gotten worse, and it's really tough.

So mixed results there. I don't know if Dean was talking specifically about Vermont WRT his statement about the dealers in prison or if he was talking about the US as an aggregate.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:07 AM on July 11, 2003

I think the point, kindall, was that if a libertarian votes for Bush, he/she is an idiot who really doesn't care about civil liberties.
posted by Cerebus at 9:16 AM on July 11, 2003

1. Green Party Candidate (100%)
2. Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat (98%)
3. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (92%)

Then it's Democrat all the way down to:

26. Buchanan, Patrick J. – Reform/Republican (28%)

WTF?
posted by vbfg at 9:23 AM on July 11, 2003

Man, does the MiFi community lean to the left.

Mine was 100% Bush. The next closest were Buchanon and McCain.
posted by insulglass at 9:30 AM on July 11, 2003

Personally, I would like the Green Party more if they had a sense of humor. They seem like a bunch of boring old preachy humorless hippies who take everything way too seriously and never ever enjoy themselves. I think they should adopt the guinea pig as their mascot (GP, get it?) and "Snowball in Hell" by They Might Be Giants as their theme song.
posted by Shoeburyness at 9:35 AM on July 11, 2003

vbfg, if you made choices broadly indicating you are against war, you may have gotten some buchanan points as i believe he actually had his doubts about iraq, unlike most republicans.
posted by edlundart at 9:46 AM on July 11, 2003

Then it's Democrat all the way down to:

26. Buchanan, Patrick J. – Reform/Republican (28%)

WTF?

Did you maybe respond "It is appropriate for the US to maintain a non-interventionist foreign policy" for number six? Buchanan's a big isolationist, isn't he?
posted by jpoulos at 9:56 AM on July 11, 2003

1. Bush, George W. - US President   (100%)
2. Buchanan, Patrick J. – Reform/Republican   (75%) 
3. Libertarian Candidate   (74%) 


I have no idea how I got 100% for Bush, unless he thinks that illicit drug laws should be reduced or eliminated, or that he agrees with the ACLU, and how the hell is Pat Buchanan sitting there ahead of the Libertarian candidate?
posted by gyc at 10:34 AM on July 11, 2003

1. Green Party Candidate (100%)
2. Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat (81%)
3. Libertarian Candidate (79%) Click here for info
4. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (79%)
5. Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat (74%)

I refuse to vote for a Congressman and Gephardt comes as a low blow. I'm a bit surprised I scored as high as I did on the Liberal end. I guess equal rights and opportunity being encouraged by the government is seen as "liberal" nowadays.

FWIW, Bush was #23, just below McCain at 19%. I'd rather vote McCain than Gephardt and maybe Kucinich (who seems to excitable for me to take seriously as a President despite possibly otherwise attractive policies).
posted by infowar at 10:42 AM on July 11, 2003

I got Libertarian 100% and Kucinich 93%. How can that be?
posted by cell divide at 10:45 AM on July 11, 2003

100% Green Party, I guess because they left out the question: "Will never forgive the Green Party for causing George W. Bush to be elected."

Bush 18%. No wonder I'm so bitter.
posted by callmejay at 11:21 AM on July 11, 2003

Personally, I would like the Green Party more if they had a sense of humor.

I've been thinking the same thing about the Dems. At least the Green Party has Jello Biafra.
posted by eatitlive at 11:26 AM on July 11, 2003

wait a minute callmejay, since when does the Green Party run the Supreme Court? Or the Florida elections board? Or Al Gore's pathetic campaign?
posted by Mars Saxman at 12:03 PM on July 11, 2003

100% Green, 93% Kucinich, 86% Dean.

4% Bush, 0% LaRouche, Buchanan, et al.

I don't understand the disgust some people have behind some of their results. Maybe it means there's a candidate you didn't consider that's worth checking out.

I'm not comforted, though, that his alternative is to treat the user medically/therapeutically. He's still pissing someone else's money away.

Ever known a drug addict?

Getting them off drugs isn't "pissing away" anything.
posted by nath at 12:28 PM on July 11, 2003

I don't understand the disgust some people have behind some of their results. Maybe it means there's a candidate you didn't consider that's worth checking out.

Yeah, but Sharpton? He's one of those "I'm embarrassed to be on the same side as you" kind of people.
posted by Cerebus at 12:54 PM on July 11, 2003

Perhaps Dean and his team of internet geeks have hacked the web site. He seems to be ranking fairly high for everybody.
posted by embed at 1:28 PM on July 11, 2003

rofl 100% dick gephardt
at least he was house leader, yeah
posted by firestorm at 2:17 PM on July 11, 2003

lyndon = 0% with me
posted by firestorm at 2:18 PM on July 11, 2003

1. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (100%)
2. Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat (96%)
3. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (82%)
4. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (79%)
5. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (78%)
6. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol IL - Democrat (71%)
7. Lieberman Senator Joe CT - Democrat (68%)
8. Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat (65%)
9. Graham, Senator Bob, FL - Democrat (56%)
10. Libertarian Candidate (48%)
11. Bush, George W. - US President (22%)
12. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (0%)
13. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (0%)

Ok, now, all I need to do is get US citizenship...no problem.
posted by knapah at 2:28 PM on July 11, 2003

Pretty much what I thought, although, for trhe Democrats, I think Dean/Graham would be the better ticket. I lived in Florida for a lot of years, and I'm pretty sure Graham would deliver Florida for the Dems. I kinda think Edwards is too unseasoned for a national campaign.

Of course, Bush is probably going to win, anyway. However, I'm proud that I'm 0% with him!

1. Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat (100%)
2. Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat (96%)
3. Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat (93%)
4. Green Party Candidate (93%)
5. Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat (84%)
6. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (82%)
7. Socialist Candidate (76%)
8. Leahy, Patrick Senator, Vermont - Democrat (75%)
9. Graham, Senator Bob, FL - Democrat (74%)
10. Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat (73%)
11. Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol IL - Democrat (72%)
12. Biden, Senator Joe, DE - Democrat (72%)
13. Jackson, Cong. Jesse Jr., IL - Democrat (71%)
14. Lieberman Senator Joe CT - Democrat (68%)
15. Feingold, Senator Russ, WI - Democrat (66%)
16. Kaptur, Cong. Marcy, OH - Democrat (62%)
17. Clark, Retired Army General Wesley K "Wes" Arkansas - Democrat
(55%)
18. Feinstein, Senator Dianne, CA - Democrat (52%)
19. Bradley, Former Senator Bill NJ - Democrat (48%)
20. Libertarian Candidate (45%)
21. McCain, Senator John, AZ- Republican (27%)
22. Vilsack, Governor. Tom IA - Democrat (6%)
23. Buchanan, Patrick J. – Reform/Republican (6%)
24. Hagelin, John - Natural Law (6%)
25. Phillips, Howard - Constitution (3%)
26. Bush, George W. - US President (0%)
27. LaRouche, Lyndon H. Jr. - Democrat (0%)
posted by JKevinKing at 4:05 PM on July 11, 2003

Howard Dean, who I'd never heard of before.

You don't read MetaFilter, do you?
posted by timeistight at 4:16 PM on July 11, 2003

Seems pretty accurate. Above 88% (Gephardt, yecch) it matched me with

1. Kucinich (100%)
2. Dean and Kerry (both 98%)

In fact I like Kucinich and of the electable pair would more gladly support Kerry than Dean. But I'm surprised Clark scored so low (#17, 51%). If you read his page, I guess he's too much a cipher to match anyone, though as far as he has made statements I agree with them (and he gives me pretty good vibes—despite not being heavily on the record politically I suspect him of having admirable political backbone). I'd rather see him as the obligatory Southerner-on-the-ticket than Edwards or Graham.
posted by Zurishaddai at 4:30 PM on July 11, 2003

I don't understand the disgust some people have behind some of their results. Maybe it means there's a candidate you didn't consider that's worth checking out

It's a lot more likely that it's returning candidates that you know full well you wouldn't ever vote for, in large part because of the questions the survey doesn't ask. Or because of the ones it asks in bad ways.

I mean, it tells me I'm a green, dammit, and I think they're a pack of meddling dirigiste chowderheads.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:40 PM on July 11, 2003

Howard Dean, who I'd never heard of before.

You don't read MetaFilter, do you?

Heh. Of course, but I also have the attention span of a shrew on meth, and the memory of, uh, something that forgets stuff a lot.

Now that I've had the name splashed before me in lights, some dim recollections are clawing their way up to the front of my brain, though. Glimmer, glimmer.
posted by majcher at 6:27 PM on July 11, 2003

I'm with Slithy_Tove: I don't think the SelectSmart test is very selective. I'd prefer a quiz that was built a little more like Guess the Dictator or Sitcom Character, where each answer must be made discrete through a specific question. I'm similarly disappointed in its forerunner the World's Smallest Political Quiz, which gets posted around disingenuously as if it weren't propaganda deliberately designed to get you to smack your forehead and say, "Gosh! I must be a lot more libertarian than I thought!"

These quizzes also fail to take into account the granularity of our political landscape. The distance between Kucinich, Dean, and even Lieberman isn't all that great, but there's a vast gulf between them and Bush or any other viable Republican candidate. There's political clustering, in other words -- and the candidates in the gray areas (your McCains and such) tend to fall off the radar or not even be declared candidates because there's no organized constituency that can get them elected. Arguably, however, most citizens fall into the gray areas versus the partisans who are densely clustered. Thus most people answering a quiz such as this are going to find themselves oddly far away from people they think they like or closer than they'd expect to others they don't like.

I'm a Democrat, in principle progressive, although on foreign policy a bit hawkish and a determined skeptic of big government approaches, and somewhat small-l libertarian in other ways. But back in 2000 this quiz (for me and other bloggers) consistently came up for David McReynolds, the Socialist candidate. I don't even like the goofy-fringe guys inside my party that much! I thought it was a dramatic failure of the approach then, and apparently little has changed. I don't know why the designers of this site would allow it to be so coarse. Don't they test it on themselves?

Just to give one example, Question 1 for this edition completely stumped me. I don't specifically favor any of the approaches given. I don't care if taxes go up or down, and I think the popularity of reduction means it's okay with me if they do. I don't think taxes should be *increased* much. As a Keynesian I don't think the balanced budget thing is vitally important. Guaranteed incomes or employment are economically perverse. And I think the estate tax is just fine. What does that make me?

I think I'm just going to have to go out there and design the political quiz that works for me.
posted by dhartung at 9:45 PM on July 11, 2003

not knowing anything about us domestic politics - why is kucinich unelectable? is it because he has no big business support? he seems to be coming out top on a lot of people's lists, yet is being dismissed...
posted by andrew cooke at 6:38 AM on July 12, 2003

not knowing anything about us domestic politics - why is kucinich unelectable?

Because he seems sort of like a cross between George McGovern and Michael Dukakis, both of whom got their asses royally kicked. I mean, wipe-the-floor-with-you landslides.

he seems to be coming out top on a lot of people's lists, yet is being dismissed...

He's coming out on top of a lot of people's lists because the test isn't very good, and because Metafilter is very very far from a simple random sample of the US.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:16 AM on July 12, 2003

Considering that when i heard of dean last year (on mefi, thanks) i didn't think anyone would ever hear of him, i'm getting downright excited that i can flip on headline news and see a 4 minute bit on him (admittedly it was sort of a confused article as they were trying to communicate that he's more conservative then first appearance (which is true)). I wouldn't discount the race until '04.
posted by NGnerd at 6:17 PM on July 12, 2003