Phallic Buildings

September 23, 2003 12:02 PM

The Most Phallic Building In The World? Cabinet Magazine collected assorted nominees, both circumcised and not. Of course, these days we prefer our erotic architecture to be user-friendly.
posted by liam (44 comments total)

liam, thanks for posting this. You just made me spit ... well....

[nevermind]

This is really alarming.
posted by anastasiav at 12:08 PM on September 23, 2003

I personally prefer the "Wrong Contest" entry, which my wife likes to call "The Vagina building" every time we drive past it on Lake Shore Drive.
posted by 40 Watt at 12:10 PM on September 23, 2003

Every state has a big tall domed building, I'm surprised none made it onto the nominees list.
posted by mathowie at 12:14 PM on September 23, 2003

This one's so much more impressive in person, especially when you drive into Lincoln and see it thrusting up from the prairie.
posted by COBRA! at 12:14 PM on September 23, 2003

Glad to see they got Braniff Tower on there. University of Dallas students also refer to it as the Phallus of Dallas and the Las Colinas Penis.

Great post, liam.
posted by Ufez Jones at 12:25 PM on September 23, 2003

And what do you get when toss that Vagina Building in with all those phalli?

The Pregnant Building, of course.
posted by yhbc at 12:31 PM on September 23, 2003

I did not participate in the contest, but if I had - I would have submitted Wisma 46 in Jakarta. It has a foreskin...
posted by ALvard at 12:33 PM on September 23, 2003

This tower, it vibrates?
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:39 PM on September 23, 2003

My wife and I were stunned by the styling of this water tower we saw on our first trip to St. Louis. I'll grant that the secondary tower detracts from the overall effect, but I think its contouring is much more evocative than the winner from Ypsilanti.
posted by blueshammer at 12:41 PM on September 23, 2003

post-preview: Yipes, ALvard. That's something else as well.
posted by blueshammer at 12:42 PM on September 23, 2003

I visited the Nebraska state capitol a few weeks ago, and its bright red, uh, helmet is even more stunning in person.
posted by serafinapekkala at 12:44 PM on September 23, 2003

I feel sorry for the losers of this contest. Some of them really got shafted.
posted by sharpener at 12:47 PM on September 23, 2003

Great post, liam. I'm really into penises lately. Make of that what you will.
posted by iconomy at 12:51 PM on September 23, 2003

I always thought minarets were most qualified for this prize. Didn't see a one. Do they not fit the requirements?
posted by nofundy at 12:58 PM on September 23, 2003

How could the list be complete without Tallahassee's cock-and-balls capitol building?
posted by dhoyt at 1:01 PM on September 23, 2003

Sorta ironic fact about the Liberty Memorial in Kansas City nominee - the park surrounding it was a famous nightime gay cruising area, at least when I used to live in KC.
posted by dnash at 1:04 PM on September 23, 2003

In Toronto, our most phallic structure is a circular apartment building in the gay ghetto, and is popularly referred to by the locals as Vaseline Tower.
posted by stonerose at 1:06 PM on September 23, 2003

I wonder how they overlooked Seattle's Key Tower? It's so obvious, and its most phallic profile is the one visible when approaching the city from the south on I-5, so you simply can't miss it.
posted by Mars Saxman at 1:16 PM on September 23, 2003

Sometimes a building is just a building.
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:30 PM on September 23, 2003

Every state has a big tall domed building, I'm surprised none made it onto the nominees list.

The Nebraska & Michigan State Capitols both made the list. I'm sure they're both solid entries, but you would be right in pointing out that Texas' is taller.

I don't know what to say to the person who nominated the Flatiron building.
posted by liam at 1:30 PM on September 23, 2003

I am originally from Nebraska and the local nickname for its Capitol Building was:

"The Penis of the Plains"
posted by da5id at 1:32 PM on September 23, 2003

I went to school in the shadow of the contest winner.

One Halloween, a charismatic acquaintance rounded up a gang of people and lead a circle dance around it. He had convinced a number of the women to begin rubbing up against it when the party was busted by the cops. Ironically, it is said that one of the area fraternities alerted the police.
posted by britain at 1:38 PM on September 23, 2003

oops, "led a circle dance."
posted by britain at 1:40 PM on September 23, 2003

They didn't miss the Key Tower.
posted by creamed corn at 1:42 PM on September 23, 2003

The most phallic building is fictional.
posted by Eloquence at 2:03 PM on September 23, 2003

Does Nebraska still smell of pigs?
posted by i_cola at 2:08 PM on September 23, 2003

Legend has it that Papa Hemingway himself, speaking at the University of Nebraska, dubbed our state capital the "Penis of the Prairie". One of those stories that, if it isn't true -- it sure should be. (Several of our senior most English profs back in the 80's swore it's true).

The voting was obviously rigged.
posted by RavinDave at 2:12 PM on September 23, 2003

It'd be this one, wouldn't it?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:40 PM on September 23, 2003

The butt-shaped water tower.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 2:41 PM on September 23, 2003

How can a contest for "the most phallic building in the world" have almost all of its entries from America and a handful of Western European nations?? There are literally thousands of superior phalli stretching from the former Byzantine empire all the way to the Pacific. What about all the free-standing minarets and swollen verticals of Islam? The bulbous domes and mighty shafts of the historic Ottoman and Russian empires?
posted by dgaicun at 3:00 PM on September 23, 2003

There is a huge smokestack in Esslingen (in Germany) with the word DICH on it. But frankly, that's just not subtle enough.
posted by Celery at 3:10 PM on September 23, 2003

I used to live down the street from the Nebraska State Capitol. Despite it's phallic appearance, it is a lovely building. And you can see it from pretty much anywhere in town. Oh, how I miss it.
posted by eilatan at 4:01 PM on September 23, 2003

dhoyt - that one was covered here.
posted by pitchblende at 4:43 PM on September 23, 2003

Hoover Tower at Stanford not only has the red bulb at the top, but a little condom sperm reservoir.
posted by jengod at 5:02 PM on September 23, 2003

Oops, thanks pitchblende. Ironically "most votes" was the only page I hadn't clicked.
posted by dhoyt at 5:40 PM on September 23, 2003

I'm surprised that San Onofre wasn't the wrong contest winner...

Not only are they big, but they supply quite a bit of juice to the public.
posted by superchicken at 7:17 PM on September 23, 2003

I think the CN Tower in Toronto may be a bit too pointy, but you get a nice effect when you see it combined with the Skydome right below.
posted by teg at 9:18 PM on September 23, 2003

Although I don't see it, my wife gets the giggles every time we drive past this building (self-link) here in Honolulu.
posted by pzarquon at 10:11 PM on September 23, 2003

These are all fairly impressive, but I used to work in the 30 story "Prick o'the Prairie", the Hilton in Springfield, Il, and I still think it stacks up fairly well.
posted by cookie-k at 10:30 PM on September 23, 2003

I drove by the Ypsi water tower, in all its phallic glory, this past weekend. (Was in the area for a friend's wedding.) No photograph quite pictures its penile majesty.
posted by kindall at 11:37 PM on September 23, 2003

Well maybe a giant glass dil.... back massager
posted by andryeevna at 2:06 AM on September 24, 2003

Does Nebraska still smell of pigs?
posted by i_cola at 2:08 PM PST on September 23

Don't know where you visited, but it never did smell like pigs to me... maybe out on I-80 by North Platte where that huge Pig farm was right next to the interstate, but for the most part, it smelled like fresh cut grass.
posted by da5id at 6:52 AM on September 24, 2003

Don't know where you visited, but it never did smell like pigs to me... maybe out on I-80 by North Platte where that huge Pig farm was right next to the interstate, but for the most part, it smelled like fresh cut grass.

Schuyler smells like pigs.

Or at least it did in the 80s-early 90s.
posted by COBRA! at 6:54 AM on September 24, 2003

No discussion is complete without talking about the Chicago Water Tower. (note the effect when you look at this picture). Here is another picture.
posted by SisterHavana at 3:00 PM on September 25, 2003