Whisky of Mass Destruction

September 27, 2003 9:55 PM

Weapons of Mass Drunkenness. The ever vigilante U.S. Defense Threat Reduction Agency has been monitoring the web cams at the Bruichladdich Scotch Whisky Distillery on Islay island, Scotland, to make sure the facilities are not being used to make chemical weapons. I, for one, am glad to know that my government takes the safety of whiskey distilleries seriously. [First link via Boing Boing.]
posted by homunculus (12 comments total)

The Scotsman story is fantastic. I'm reassured to know that any plant secretly distilling chemical weapons whilst thoughtfully providing webcams to reveal the entire operation to anyone who cares to click through will be duly caught in the act by our vigilant and resourceful protectors.

How much are we paying these people again?
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:28 PM on September 27, 2003

how much have you got, George? (and your kids and their kids...)
posted by amberglow at 10:30 PM on September 27, 2003

a) You're either with us, or you're with the single malt scotch whiskey distillers.

b) Bin Laden was furious to discover that the clandestine chem lab he had entrusted to Lt. al-Cardoso was no longer even attempting to produce VX, but instead had thown all its resources behind an effort to achieve "more fragrant wood notes."

c) I volunteer for the weapons inspection team.
posted by planetkyoto at 10:33 PM on September 27, 2003

If I were training image processing software to watch pictures of chemical manufacturing for suspicious activity, a publicly available webcam at a whisky distillery might make a tempting source of free test images.

That, and I could hold up a bottle to my friends, and tell them that thanks to my patriotic efforts, they could be sure the bottle wasn't a chemical weapon. Except that it's an Islay...
posted by dws at 10:45 PM on September 27, 2003

The ever vigilante vigilant...

Freudian slip?

*grabs whiskey*
posted by homunculus at 10:48 PM on September 27, 2003

Hopefully they're stealing Scotch whiskey technology. Bourbon just can't be the whiskey of empire.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 10:49 PM on September 27, 2003

If i was a defense agency i would do exactly the same. it makes perfect sense. after all, every bit of information helps, however insignificant it may seem, and terrorists could be given away or caught or have their plans foiled by making stupid mistakes, and probably have in the past. it makes sense to be watchful, if you are a defense agency. i don't see anything intimidatory in this action. i don't think they should be ridiculed for doing their job...
posted by mokey at 2:25 AM on September 28, 2003

It does taste a bit funny...
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:06 AM on September 28, 2003

Mokey: Are you serious? You do realize that even the mighty US security forces have finite capacities, and that time spent monitoring one thing is time taken away from monitoring something else, and that a scotch distillery is so far down on the list of potential terrorist threats only a madman would spend a moment on it?

That being said, if the terrorists start messing with Islay whisky they'll get on the fightin' side of me. Don't touch my Lagavulin!
posted by languagehat at 8:41 AM on September 28, 2003

mokey can't be serious.
posted by dabitch at 8:53 AM on September 28, 2003

well, i was serious in fact. this move shows thoroughness on behalf of this agency! and no, i am not being sarcastic. to me this story suggests that the agency has eyes and ears everywhere and that is a good thing. plus they are probably under a lot of pressure so i don't think they should be derided. they are only humans after all, and just think of the amount of pressure on them!
posted by mokey at 12:49 AM on September 29, 2003

There are people in the courtyard! I can't tell if they're locals or an al-Qaeda suicide squad (my vision is a bit blurry at the momment.) Are they distilling single malt Scotch whiskey or waging Jihad?
posted by homunculus at 12:13 AM on September 30, 2003