The FBI's Zero Files

December 11, 2003 8:17 AM

"Well it's me again I would like to know what the hell you are trying to prove by using a microwave transmitter on me night and day..." The X-Files never existed, but the FBI does have Zero Files.
posted by tranquileye (8 comments total)

It turns out every one of the products on the market take part in this so called government training. The Folgers jar classic roast is capital F for Federal means gov't, FO LGE RE is broke into 3 sections FO is ENEMY RS is ours and and LGE backwards is EGL sounds out EAGLE says gov't our enemy.

I'd like to see what he comes up with for V8. Great article, tranquileye.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:09 AM on December 11, 2003

I had a visit yesterday from two gentlemen who said they were from the SECRET SERVICE! They were looking for the HAMBURGLAR who said the PRESIDENT might choke on a CHEESEBURGER on AIR FORCE ONE!

Damn Hamburglar. I knew he was up to no good.

Great stuff.
posted by Johnny Assay at 9:11 AM on December 11, 2003

This reminds me of the other occupants of a scary roominghouse I lived in for nearly five years while saving the down payment for my apartment. Every resident had a unique psychological profile. One guy took a sledgehammer to the microwave because he thought it was listening to his thoughts.

These types of people are much more enjoyable from a distance.

I'm wondering what, if anything, the FBI does in response for these people. Do they refer the matter to Social Services or to the police? Sounds like they just decide the letters aren't a security threat and archive them, but what about cases like that guy who wrote that he plans to "kill kill kill" etc.?
posted by orange swan at 9:53 AM on December 11, 2003

A buddy's brother was severly schizophrenic, and frequently made stuff like this up. It was always surreal having a converstaion with him when he was home from the hospital.
posted by Yossarian at 10:07 AM on December 11, 2003

Once again, MI5 outclasses the Fibbies.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:01 AM on December 11, 2003

I get emails from these guys nearly every day at work. There's the Jehovah's Witness woman who gets messages from passing airplanes. There's the guy in Georgia who gets messages from movies, even movies made long before he was born. Then there's this guy.
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:07 PM on December 11, 2003

And this one (warning--cheesy midi).
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:33 PM on December 11, 2003

uh. huh. and what kind of "work" do you do, "MrMoonPie"? :-)
posted by quonsar at 4:32 PM on December 11, 2003