I got 99 problems

January 27, 2006 9:59 AM

I got 99 problems ...but a witch ain't one. Witches are everywhere nowadays. No need to spend your days trying to hunt 'em down. Some are for the kids. Some are focused on manual labor. Perhaps most importantly, some are in britches, while others are in bikinis. Want to join the coven? Take an online course!
posted by eatyourlunch (27 comments total)

I got 99 problems ...but a witch ain't one.

That jsut made my day.
posted by Artw at 10:28 AM on January 27, 2006

Great FPP!
posted by arcticwoman at 10:30 AM on January 27, 2006

You win at Metafilter. Awesome.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 10:32 AM on January 27, 2006

There has to be one of those priceless parodies about the witches in bikinis thing, especially the one with the one riding the broom...
posted by MJ6 at 10:33 AM on January 27, 2006

Good stuff!
posted by nightchrome at 10:33 AM on January 27, 2006

Interesting.
Aside from all the recent gothic stuff, it's important to remember that witches, as a social construct, are all about classism and especially sexism. I have my suspicions that this transition from scary witch to friendly witch is based largely in feminism. Though the results are kinda....silly.
posted by es_de_bah at 10:34 AM on January 27, 2006

mad props for the jay-z reference!
posted by joeblough at 10:40 AM on January 27, 2006

I don't get the relevance of the intelligence test.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 10:44 AM on January 27, 2006

Wasn't the intelligence test just posted on the blue? I can't find it now but could have sworn it was there.

Anyway, to the Witches in Bikinis! Yum! I'm a'croaking now!
posted by fenriq at 10:49 AM on January 27, 2006

gosh darnit, Ice-T did the original 99 Problems.

Also, I saw Jay-Z do this song backed by Phish one time.

Also, this post is good.
posted by ibmcginty at 10:49 AM on January 27, 2006

especially the one with the one riding the broom...

This broom, it vi--

+++
NO CARRIER
posted by keswick at 10:51 AM on January 27, 2006

yr prolly thinkin of metachat, fenriq
posted by If I Had An Anus at 10:52 AM on January 27, 2006

I'd like to forward the motion that Metafilter needs more witches in bikinis.
posted by Keith Talent at 10:52 AM on January 27, 2006

Here in Massachusetts we have time-tested methods of dealing with witches. I would sorely love to get all Giles Corey on the asses of modern "witches." They want attention, and I want to give it to them with a wooden door and a pile of rocks. Then I'll melt down their pewter ankhs with the gresae from their hair and skin and build a statue of myself. In Curleygrad. Blessed be!
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:13 AM on January 27, 2006

If I Had an Anus, Ach, yeah, light blue, darker blue. Dang.
posted by fenriq at 11:17 AM on January 27, 2006

The Intelligence test is shit.

"13 is Unlucky for Some"? That's just stupid.
posted by ColdChef at 11:22 AM on January 27, 2006

Fenriq, that test was definitely posted here, I remember feeling unreasonably smug about my score.
posted by Captain Najork at 11:40 AM on January 27, 2006

Was originally going to include this as the "99 problems" link since it was considerably more relevant, but didn't want to make light of the more than 99 problems he has.
posted by eatyourlunch at 11:42 AM on January 27, 2006

I'll second Keith Talent's motion.
posted by GuyZero at 11:42 AM on January 27, 2006

"13 is Unlucky for Some"? That's just stupid.

Man, is that what that one was? I tried "13 is Unlucky Friday Superstition," which I thought was pretty clever under the circumstances.

(For what it's worth, I did pass the 19 "genius" bar.)
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:42 AM on January 27, 2006

I'm up to 23. I don't feel any smarter.
posted by ColdChef at 11:55 AM on January 27, 2006

Keith Talent writes "I'd like to forward the motion that Metafilter needs more witches in bikinis."

Here, here!
posted by brundlefly at 11:57 AM on January 27, 2006

Metafilter needs more witches in bikinis

I second that, and am even willing to sponser warlocks in thongs in an effort to be bipartisan.
posted by CynicalKnight at 12:37 PM on January 27, 2006

warlocks in thongs

Will you settle for wizards in bathtubs?
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:56 PM on January 27, 2006

fenriq: You're correct, the "intelligence" test was posted here.
posted by hypersloth at 1:10 PM on January 27, 2006

But Mayor Curley, Giles Corey was pressed to death during the heady days of the Witch Trials for refusing to answer the charges. He's my most favorite octogenarian ever to be crushed by stones.

According to legend, his last words were "More weight."

***BADASS***
posted by jenovus at 3:45 PM on January 27, 2006

re: jay-z / ice-T... whoops.

to be honest my exposure to jay-z is 2ndhand, via the grey album. oh well. still, great FPP.
posted by joeblough at 4:02 PM on January 27, 2006