Breaking news

February 4, 2006 9:31 AM

Newsfilter: $75,000 in Bull Semen Is Stolen From Frederick Farm. Oy Vey. (via)
posted by growabrain (22 comments total)

"It was a mother load of semen that I consigned to Denver sale."
Don't you mean mother lode, Eric? I certainly hope so.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:46 AM on February 4, 2006

Is that, like, street value?

"Hey, Bud, c'mere. Yeah, you. Wanna buy some bull juice?"
"Some what?"
"Bull juice. You know, a little of the old Fertilizer a la Ferdinand."
"What?"
posted by pracowity at 9:47 AM on February 4, 2006

First: growbrain, you really should've taken this opportunity to initiate the "bullsemen" tag.

Second: When he got home that night from a visit to relatives in Pennsylvania, he found that the 70-pound semen tank he had in an outbuilding was open...

!!!
posted by rkent at 10:04 AM on February 4, 2006

What in the love of Christ is somebody doing with a 70 pound semen tank that shouldn't be investigated by Homoland Security ?
posted by elpapacito at 10:09 AM on February 4, 2006

What in the love of Christ is somebody doing with a 70 pound semen tank that shouldn't be investigated by Homoland Security ?

Preliminary investigations suggest the swag may have been hidden inside Japanese manholes.
posted by Rothko at 10:17 AM on February 4, 2006

HighJACKed, was it?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:26 AM on February 4, 2006

HighJACKed, was it?

Jerked away in a stroke of genius.
posted by three blind mice at 10:32 AM on February 4, 2006

... This is so 3 months ago. Which makes it not Newsfilter, IMHO, but rather, "the best of the Web."

...right?

:-)
posted by bugmuncher at 10:40 AM on February 4, 2006

bollocks.
posted by killdevil at 10:48 AM on February 4, 2006

What in the love of Christ is somebody doing with a 70 pound semen tank that shouldn't be investigated by Homoland Security ?

I think it's like as in "storage tank", not the kind with the caterpillar treads.
posted by aubilenon at 11:09 AM on February 4, 2006

aubilenon: Perhaps it's the fabulous man-goo obsessed "Homoland Security", not the terrah obsessed Homeland Security.

Also... bullkake



Yeah, I said it.
posted by Mercaptan at 11:18 AM on February 4, 2006

According to this handy little Small-Scale Dairy Farming Manual which illustrates the entire process quite nicely, bull semen should be stored at 196 C and kept in special containers.
posted by madamjujujive at 11:25 AM on February 4, 2006

Um, that's -196 C.

196 C would be one incredibly hot load of bull goo.
posted by Captain_Tenille at 12:02 PM on February 4, 2006

whew, thanks for correcting that C_T - I wouldn't want to get sued for disseminating bullshit bull semen storage advice.
posted by madamjujujive at 12:09 PM on February 4, 2006

I think it's like as in "storage tank", not the kind with the caterpillar treads.

Time to start working on my art car for Burning Man '06
posted by Tenuki at 12:14 PM on February 4, 2006

I hope they catch the jismjackers.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:59 PM on February 4, 2006

My Story About Bull Semen:

Sapporo, Japan; twenty years ago. Man arrives in BFE (aka "inaka") Hokkaido not knowing any Japanese. Finds himself in love with the farmer's daughter and the only job he can do in the inaka with limited Japanese knowledge is work for his future father-in-law as a bull semen collector. Let's just say a lot has changed in the last twenty years of bull semem collection technology. Back then, the job consisted of climbing inside of a fake wooden cow and (more or lesss) giving the bull a handjob.

Note, this isn't a story about me but rather supposedly a true story about a teacher I had in college.
posted by pwb503 at 3:08 PM on February 4, 2006

:9
posted by wakko at 3:24 PM on February 4, 2006

Wasn't this a Miami Vice episode? Right: "The Cows of October" Feb 5, 1988.
posted by steveburnett at 5:37 PM on February 4, 2006

"bullkake"

Mookkake?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:17 PM on February 4, 2006

Maybe the perp wants to sell it a spurt at a time at one of those semen donation centers. You know, one of those that gives the big bucks to the Mensa types.
posted by stirfry at 8:04 PM on February 4, 2006

precious bodily fluids

Note to self: send WaPo bill for new keyboard.
posted by deborah at 7:58 PM on February 5, 2006