The Anti-Pepsiblue

May 8, 2006 12:03 PM

A good rant about "delusional advertising" but if you have 10 minutes to TOTALLY waste, click on the "PLAY" button for Pirelli's amazing(ly silly) short film featuring The Malkovich as a priest using four tires and a cross to fight a demonic Naomi Campbell over the soul of a sports car.
posted by wendell (53 comments total)

From the article:

The only thing that stands out in this film, apart from Naomi Campbell's nipples, is a sense of pathetic self-delusion.The idea that this link would be forwarded around the world to countless prospective tire purchasers is wishful thinking on a hallucinatory scale.And if you think we're being unkind, go online and read the viewer comments so far.

... and yet here it is on MeFi. Hmmm ...

Mission accomplished?
posted by C.Batt at 12:17 PM on May 8, 2006

Mission accomplished?

Beyond their wildest expectations.
posted by Mr_Zero at 12:18 PM on May 8, 2006

That's if you believe "any publicity is good publicity", which I do not. I trust (most of) the MeFi readership to laugh at the funny movie and buy tires from anybody EXCEPT Pirelli because of it.
posted by wendell at 12:24 PM on May 8, 2006

That's if you believe "any publicity is good publicity", which I do not. I trust (most of) the MeFi readership to laugh at the funny movie and buy tires from anybody EXCEPT Pirelli because of it.

Agreed. However it will now be catupulted into the spotlight at either YouTube or Google Video.
posted by Mr_Zero at 12:27 PM on May 8, 2006

Thanks to my PVR, I rarely see TV commercials anymore. But along the same lines, I saw a... Toyota commercial, I think it was, asking you really invasive questions about how you feel about your car, implying that your car should be part of your family. F-ing creepy. I don't want to think of my car as a family member or a friend. It's a god damn machine to get me to and from work and the grocery store. Are there really people out there who think of their cars as part of their family?
posted by JeremyT at 12:29 PM on May 8, 2006

So… when they make dumb ads that blare logos into our face, we criticize them.

So when they do a 360 and make 'artsy' ads that are sufferable but don't really advertise the brand, we criticize them.

I suppose we want them to just, uh, drop dead?
posted by Firas at 12:31 PM on May 8, 2006

Do a 180...
posted by Firas at 12:33 PM on May 8, 2006

I suppose we want them to just, uh, drop dead?

bing bing bing bing bing
posted by fleetmouse at 12:33 PM on May 8, 2006

Are there really people out there who think of their cars as part of their family?

Not me. Uncle Refridgerator and Momma TV raised me better than that.
posted by Smart Dalek at 12:41 PM on May 8, 2006

It's a circular argument though... 'the ad sucks because it won't leave any lasting brand image because it won't go viral because it sucks'?

I guess I just dislike 'metacritiques' of the sort that attempt to create a cause in the guise of analyzing an effect. "What Kerry said was snobbish not because I think it was snobbish but because other people would think it's snobbish. Therefore it's snobbish." Etc.
posted by Firas at 12:44 PM on May 8, 2006

Hasn't Pirelli always been sort of oblique in their branding strategy though? More people worldwide know them as the nudey calendar people than the tire people I would've thought.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:47 PM on May 8, 2006

In a thousand years, when you're all in hell -- working as housekeepers in Naomi Campbell's infernal realm -- John Malkovich will rise from the grave to promote a new hybrid car that runs on the screams of your torment. Reviews will be mixed.
posted by showmethecalvino at 12:52 PM on May 8, 2006

I wouldn't be criticizing a "subtle, artsy" ad myself... This is FREAKING JOHN MALKOVITZ EXORCISING A SPORTS CAR WITH NAOMI CAMPBELL IN FEATHERS AS A DEMON. This is a MADtv parody of "artsy". Come on! Join me in laughing at the silly Italian tire people and their Madison Avenue morons!
posted by wendell at 1:02 PM on May 8, 2006

It's a god damn machine to get me to and from work and the grocery store. Are there really people out there who think of their cars as part of their family?

JeremyT: Madison Avenue has decreed that if you don't define yourself by your possessions, then you have no soul. You will be dispatched to the netherworld after this brief commercial break...
posted by ZenMasterThis at 1:08 PM on May 8, 2006

Nothing that takes so long to get underway makes for good viral advertisting. I closed it after about 90 seconds of nothing interesting happening.
posted by camcgee at 1:08 PM on May 8, 2006

To: AdReview Staff
From: Advertisers of the World
Re: Our Money

Thank you for the wonderful offer. However, we are reluctant to send you money due to the universal opinion over here that you are morons.

No, it's not a stupid idea to have your ads win international awards. No, turning around a car manufacturer isn't as easy as building *any* new model and giving in a boring tag-line. No, spending the piles of money we make from overpriced designer tires on movie stars isn't self-delusional.

So, good luck with those college loans. We'd suggest you might have made a better choice than spending all your folks money on an art history degree, but that would be silly. Clearly your *brilliance* as an ad critic will be raise this career from the bottom of the journalistic barrel.
posted by y6y6y6 at 1:14 PM on May 8, 2006

BMW produced a series of short films a couple of years ago with some well-known actors and directors. They were at least watchable compared to this POS.
posted by disgruntled at 1:24 PM on May 8, 2006

Wait a second. Is this ad saying that if you put Pirelli tires on your car it will turn into a demon and try to kill you? Or that it's all those other brands of tires that will do that? Because honestly, I don't want to take a chance either way...
posted by OverlappingElvis at 1:32 PM on May 8, 2006

My car came with Pirelli tires and to date have not turned my car into a demon trying to kill me. But then again, I'm not a member of the clergy. However, the next time I get a speeding ticket, I will introduce this spot into evidence as the tires being responsible for the car traveling above the posted speed limit.

Pirelli should just stick to the calendar [not safe for some worksites]. After all, high concept short films do not sell tyres, sex does.

I don't like Bob Garfield. Almost as much as I don't like Garfield the cat.
posted by birdherder at 1:44 PM on May 8, 2006

Is this ad saying that if you put Pirelli tires on your car it will turn into a demon and try to kill you?

The message I get is that you need a priest and Pirelli tires to handle your satanic car.

Therefore Priest + Pirelli (or Priest = Pirelli) = Control.
posted by Rashomon at 1:54 PM on May 8, 2006

So when they do a 360

"It's '180' you spaghetti-slurping cretin. 180! If I did a '360' I'd have turned right the way round and be back where I started!"

I love that film. "If god were a villain, he'd be me!"
posted by 6am at 1:57 PM on May 8, 2006

ya know... Pirelli DOES make pretty good tires....
posted by HuronBob at 2:01 PM on May 8, 2006

Easily amused, I suppose, but I thought gold-plated & feathery Naomi Campbell fight John Malkovich was cool as hell. People should cause things like that to happen more often, whatever the reason behind it.
posted by Squid Voltaire at 2:06 PM on May 8, 2006

I don't like Bob Garfield.
Usually I don't either. I mean, he gave the Burger King Whopperettes 4-and-a-half on a scale of 5. But this time, he's right.
posted by wendell at 2:09 PM on May 8, 2006

I thought Bob Garfield wrote a pretty funny piece here - the highlight for me being that he managed to tie in one of Leo Burnett's aphorisms.
posted by Flashman at 2:13 PM on May 8, 2006

The idea that Pirelli's 'The Call' would be forwarded around the world to countless online prospective tire purchasers is wishful thinking on a hallucinatory scale.

Now if they'd only aimed a little lower (say, a MeFi FPP) they would have gotten their wish!

Hummer = here's your penis extension, jackass.

heh
posted by spock at 2:22 PM on May 8, 2006

Yeah, I thought the article was funny enough. Not gonna watch the movie, though.
posted by everichon at 2:33 PM on May 8, 2006

I think it's pretty cool. Malkovich is always fun to watch. The site and I-face suck and is incredibly slow. But the soundtrack is brilliantly engineered and the characters and images address our archetypal cache. Does it sell tires? Is there a positive ROI? No idea to either question, but it's certainly a bold initiative. Viral vid? Well, it's here isn't it?
posted by sluglicker at 2:50 PM on May 8, 2006

It's just long and boring with a really weak payoff.
posted by tighttrousers at 2:50 PM on May 8, 2006

Needs More Campbell.
posted by Firas at 3:05 PM on May 8, 2006

Awful on all fronts.
posted by beerbajay at 3:09 PM on May 8, 2006

What a great advert.

The articles just annoying though. Pompous hypocritical nonsense. They state that advertising companies don't understand advertising and then go and throw away any potential kudos by misunderstanding advertising themselves.

Can adverts go viral? Yes.
The only problem I see here is that pirelli maybe gambled too much money on the chance the video would go viral. Unfortunately, they don't get to decide. However, when viral ads work, they really work well. Show me any other advertising form which is self-propagating, comes with a built in "friend-based" cool factor and invokes water-cooler talk.

As for the snipe about Artsy European adverts. Hate to break it to you, but us Europeans like our adverts arty and oblique. I'll keep my Orange Tango Man if you keep the infomercials.

Finally, I'll paraphrase that famous quote about advertising working half the time, but the problem is that they don't know which half it is. That aphorism stands as well today as it has ever done.
posted by seanyboy at 3:18 PM on May 8, 2006

Wait a second. Is this ad saying that if you put Pirelli tires on your car it will turn into a demon and try to kill you?

No, see. At the end of the ad, priest puts new tires on the car -- Pirellis. That's the whole point, use these tires to calm your wild daemon car.

You have to watch the whole ad to get that, though, and I don't think most people are going to do that.
posted by delmoi at 3:35 PM on May 8, 2006

Anyway, I thought it was mildly entertaining. Maybe if you were religious, or had just watched "the DaVinci Code" you would find it more interesting. They obviously weren't going for high-brow, which the BMW people had been.

I wonder how much creative control Antoine Fuqua actually had, did they give him the premise or did they say something like "Make it about excrosizing the demons of your care, and make it nice and literal"

Also, keep in mind that this may have had a global intended market. Stuff with a lot of cross-cultural appeal tends to be pretty low-brow.
posted by delmoi at 3:39 PM on May 8, 2006

You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato.
posted by rafter at 3:45 PM on May 8, 2006

It is an awful film, and a worse ad. The only person who comes out of it okay is Malkovich, who's a shoo-in for the lead when they remake the Exorcist. Nobody is going to forward this as a viral--they may forward the link, but only in the context of critiquing about the ad, not talking about the product.
posted by Hogshead at 4:53 PM on May 8, 2006

Some people still care about that, that's more amazing then anything else.
posted by elpapacito at 5:26 PM on May 8, 2006

I hate nipples and models and sports cars as much as the next guy, but hell, the p-zero is a fantastic tire. It really is... the boxster doesn't drive the same at all since I put Nittos on it.
posted by hatchetjack at 5:44 PM on May 8, 2006

I don't think viral marketing works if it's boring. And this add has got boring in spades.

There's no chance I would have watched it if this post hadn't tempted me with a mention of Campbell's nipples.

Meh.
posted by teece at 5:45 PM on May 8, 2006

Haven't watched it -- but from the comments, it's worth noting that Pirelli has a rather narrow market. Odds are you will never _not_ buy Pirellis because you hated this or any other ad. Pirellis are performance tires for male menopause machines like Porsches. As such, their advertising is meant mainly to maintain an awareness of their brand, so that when you go to buy that Porsche on your 40th birthday, you'll think "Oh, Pirellis -- good tires." And hopefully replace them with same when you blow them stomping the brakes at 150MPH.
posted by localroger at 7:02 PM on May 8, 2006

Can we have a rule about mentioning nipple placement in boring ads? Like say, tell us they only appear once, about 2 minutes in, so then we don't have to watch the rest of that excrutiatingly boring ad. Please?
posted by graventy at 8:06 PM on May 8, 2006

And here I had read Neve Campbell and was thinking she's finally gone a step up from Catwalk.
posted by dreamsign at 9:52 PM on May 8, 2006

Hate to break it to you, but us Europeans like our adverts arty and oblique.

So euros will take it up the ass just like everyone else, as long as there's some poetry involved, is what you're saying?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:03 AM on May 9, 2006

That's exactly what I'm saying.
*Watches advert for honda civic. Again.*
posted by seanyboy at 12:34 AM on May 9, 2006

Well fair enough then.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:36 AM on May 9, 2006

So euros will take it up the ass just like everyone else, as long as there's some poetry involved, is what you're saying?

I don't think so.

I think what he's saying is that if we've got to suffer a break in our tv programmes, we'd rather watch something that was visually interesting and had some creative imagination, than watch the owner of a business ranting on about how he had the best deals and the best prices.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:21 AM on May 9, 2006

I thought that's what I said (you know, metaphorically and all).
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:44 AM on May 9, 2006

There were nipples?
posted by Samizdata at 2:34 AM on May 9, 2006

Ahem, Metafilter.... I said I had a boxster..... please take note... I have a Porsche. especially you, mr localroger.

Since the divorce, I've felt like I need something to keep me in the game, you know? My penis is pretty small and the high school girls don't give me a second glance anymore. But let me tell you of the magic that is a little Rogaine, Enzyte and Porsche. You probably already guessed, but I'm pretty popular with the lay-deeze.
posted by hatchetjack at 8:01 AM on May 9, 2006

Meh.

Malkovic was much better in the Preparation H commercial costarring Roseanne Barr. That one had way better special effects too.
posted by surplus at 11:44 AM on May 9, 2006

Preparation H commercial
Roseanne Barr
special effects

Some things should not be put into the same sentence.
posted by raedyn at 1:35 PM on May 9, 2006

Malkovic was much better in the Preparation H commercial costarring Roseanne Barr.

Right, the one where he played a jewel thief...
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:38 PM on May 9, 2006

Well, if there's one thing I learned from that 10 minutes, it's this: windshield wipers sure are funny!
posted by joshuaconner at 10:43 PM on May 9, 2006