It's imperative you keep your ass on the phone line.
October 12, 2006 8:08 PM Subscribe
How to mess with a telemarketer. (audio)
That was awesome.
posted by chunking express at 8:17 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by chunking express at 8:17 PM on October 12, 2006
hilarious!
posted by madamjujujive at 8:18 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by madamjujujive at 8:18 PM on October 12, 2006
Wow, that was really good (except for the dumb gay lover bit at the end). He actually sounds like a hard ass cop for much of that.
posted by mathowie at 8:24 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by mathowie at 8:24 PM on October 12, 2006
You know, there's Nothing funny about harassing tele-marketers. They're just doing their jobs, you know, it's not like they have any personal stake in interrupting your day. Honestly, how would yo like it if one of your clients went out of their way to mock you at your office?
OK, I'm just kidding. That was awesome and I wish I could pull smething like that off.
posted by lekvar at 8:25 PM on October 12, 2006
OK, I'm just kidding. That was awesome and I wish I could pull smething like that off.
posted by lekvar at 8:25 PM on October 12, 2006
Okay, I was expecting that to annoy the crap out of me. That rocked.
posted by foozleface at 8:27 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by foozleface at 8:27 PM on October 12, 2006
That was hilarious. Though, I have to wonder... isn't it a crime to impersonate a police officer?
posted by Stauf at 8:31 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by Stauf at 8:31 PM on October 12, 2006
Hahh Hahh Hahh, making fun of the $6/hr wage slave is really cool. Like, they just annoy me for fun.
I've had enough sucky jobs that this just isn't funny to me. It's not like they can defend themselves.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 8:31 PM on October 12, 2006
I've had enough sucky jobs that this just isn't funny to me. It's not like they can defend themselves.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 8:31 PM on October 12, 2006
That was great, but I wish they would've cut the mics on the laughing jackasses. It's hard to appreciate a great prank when all you hear is two chuckleheads in the background.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 8:32 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by SeizeTheDay at 8:32 PM on October 12, 2006
isn't it a crime to impersonate a police officer?
I don't think he ever actually identifies himself as a police officer- it's only implied.
But it still gets to me a little bit that they poor guy is just trying to do his job. So many people have such militant feelings toward telemarketers and I just feel kinda bad for 'em. And the gay joke at the end sucked.
Okay, I laughed a lot of it.
posted by PhatLobley at 8:36 PM on October 12, 2006
I don't think he ever actually identifies himself as a police officer- it's only implied.
But it still gets to me a little bit that they poor guy is just trying to do his job. So many people have such militant feelings toward telemarketers and I just feel kinda bad for 'em. And the gay joke at the end sucked.
Okay, I laughed a lot of it.
posted by PhatLobley at 8:36 PM on October 12, 2006
yeah, not a great ending, but the rest cracked me up... sans chuckleheads.
posted by tomplus2 at 8:46 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by tomplus2 at 8:46 PM on October 12, 2006
I don't think he ever actually identifies himself as a police officer- it's only implied.
Heh. At first, thinking back on it, I thought you were right about that and thought it was pretty clever to be simply implied, but then I listened to the beginning again and he does identify himself as "Officer Clark", saying he's conducting a homicide investigation.
posted by Stauf at 8:48 PM on October 12, 2006
Heh. At first, thinking back on it, I thought you were right about that and thought it was pretty clever to be simply implied, but then I listened to the beginning again and he does identify himself as "Officer Clark", saying he's conducting a homicide investigation.
posted by Stauf at 8:48 PM on October 12, 2006
dig ditches, pump gas, deliver pizza but don't EVER be a telemarketer. we all make choices and those among us that make the wrong choice to be a telemarketer deserve everything they get.
and that was teh awesome
posted by photoslob at 8:50 PM on October 12, 2006 [1 favorite]
and that was teh awesome
posted by photoslob at 8:50 PM on October 12, 2006 [1 favorite]
Very funny. But towards the end around the gay Mexican midget part, my bullshit detector went to yellow.
Still good regardless. I hope it's real.
posted by bardic at 8:51 PM on October 12, 2006
Still good regardless. I hope it's real.
posted by bardic at 8:51 PM on October 12, 2006
I'll defend the gay joke. "As I'm sure you know, Mr. X was a flaming homosexual..." That's a funny way to put it, and the guy's reaction was funny too.
This also marks the first time my dad emailed me something before it showed up as an FPP here.
posted by ibmcginty at 8:56 PM on October 12, 2006
This also marks the first time my dad emailed me something before it showed up as an FPP here.
posted by ibmcginty at 8:56 PM on October 12, 2006
http://www.ftc.gov/donotcall/
I got a chuckle, too, but the national donotcall registry works better.
posted by taosbat at 8:58 PM on October 12, 2006
I got a chuckle, too, but the national donotcall registry works better.
posted by taosbat at 8:58 PM on October 12, 2006
isn't it a crime to impersonate a police officer?
Where I live, it's a crime to record a phonecall without first warning the person at the other end that you are recording, and explaining why.
Pretty funny overall, apart from the retarded gay bit.
I also think it's pretty low to beat up on telemarketers, and it achieves absolutely zilch towards discouraging the industry. As an aside, if you annoy one enough, you might also find yourself subjected to random wakeup calls until they decide you have suffered enough for being an asshole.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:06 PM on October 12, 2006
Where I live, it's a crime to record a phonecall without first warning the person at the other end that you are recording, and explaining why.
Pretty funny overall, apart from the retarded gay bit.
I also think it's pretty low to beat up on telemarketers, and it achieves absolutely zilch towards discouraging the industry. As an aside, if you annoy one enough, you might also find yourself subjected to random wakeup calls until they decide you have suffered enough for being an asshole.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:06 PM on October 12, 2006
gesamtkunstwerk writes "I've had enough sucky jobs that this just isn't funny to me. It's not like they can defend themselves."
I think you can truly "get" stuff like this only if you've actually been a telemarketer (or whatever crap job).
posted by mullacc at 9:15 PM on October 12, 2006
I think you can truly "get" stuff like this only if you've actually been a telemarketer (or whatever crap job).
posted by mullacc at 9:15 PM on October 12, 2006
"I've had enough sucky jobs that this just isn't funny to me."
Nobody's making fun of janitors or fast food workers here.
If you're going to have a suck ass job like that then you need a thick skin. If you really think you have no alternative but to invade my space and rob me of my time for $6.00 an hour and then whine because I dared to go outside of your script, I'm afraid you're going to find that it is indeed a cruel world.
posted by 2sheets at 9:19 PM on October 12, 2006 [3 favorites]
Nobody's making fun of janitors or fast food workers here.
If you're going to have a suck ass job like that then you need a thick skin. If you really think you have no alternative but to invade my space and rob me of my time for $6.00 an hour and then whine because I dared to go outside of your script, I'm afraid you're going to find that it is indeed a cruel world.
posted by 2sheets at 9:19 PM on October 12, 2006 [3 favorites]
They're just doing their jobs, you know
and
I also think it's pretty low to beat up on telemarketers
What if my job was to send alpaca shit wrapped in hosiery to condominium owners? Would that be alright?
Just because I have a telephone and you have a product to sell doesn't make it your right to subject me to endless sales pitches. I paid for the phone to call my friends and neighbors; if you solicit me with out asking, you're asking for whatever I decide to dish out.
To think that these telemarketing scumbags have any inherent decency rights is absurd.
posted by F Mackenzie at 9:27 PM on October 12, 2006
and
I also think it's pretty low to beat up on telemarketers
What if my job was to send alpaca shit wrapped in hosiery to condominium owners? Would that be alright?
Just because I have a telephone and you have a product to sell doesn't make it your right to subject me to endless sales pitches. I paid for the phone to call my friends and neighbors; if you solicit me with out asking, you're asking for whatever I decide to dish out.
To think that these telemarketing scumbags have any inherent decency rights is absurd.
posted by F Mackenzie at 9:27 PM on October 12, 2006
2sheets and F Mackenzie have it. I see no distinction what-so-ever between a telemarketer and someone who works for a spammer. None. I n fact they're worse. They serve no purpose, and they're suckers for taking that sort of job, when there are plenty of other things they could be doing for that sort of money. Hell, at least try for a job in a call center answering people's calls when they want to talk to you.
I've had telemarketers try and convince me to switch to their electricity company to help "save the dolphins".
Twice I've had people from security alarm companies ring up my wife when I wasn't home and try to scare her into buying a security system by quoting fudged crime statistics at her. Quote: "Aren't you scared to live in suburb X these days, Mrs. Jimbob?"
My dad got talked into the world's shittiest internet broadband contract, which he's stuck with for another 18 months and which will cost him hundreds and hundreds of dollars that he doesn't need to be paying.
Fuck them.
posted by Jimbob at 9:31 PM on October 12, 2006
I've had telemarketers try and convince me to switch to their electricity company to help "save the dolphins".
Twice I've had people from security alarm companies ring up my wife when I wasn't home and try to scare her into buying a security system by quoting fudged crime statistics at her. Quote: "Aren't you scared to live in suburb X these days, Mrs. Jimbob?"
My dad got talked into the world's shittiest internet broadband contract, which he's stuck with for another 18 months and which will cost him hundreds and hundreds of dollars that he doesn't need to be paying.
Fuck them.
posted by Jimbob at 9:31 PM on October 12, 2006
Where I live, it's a crime to record a phonecall without first warning the person at the other end that you are recording, and explaining why.
Well, you're in Sydney, but under U.S. federal law and the law of most U.S. states, it's perfectly legal for one party to a phonecall to record the call without getting consent or notifying the other party. Some states outlaw the practice, but most don't.
posted by mediareport at 9:33 PM on October 12, 2006
Well, you're in Sydney, but under U.S. federal law and the law of most U.S. states, it's perfectly legal for one party to a phonecall to record the call without getting consent or notifying the other party. Some states outlaw the practice, but most don't.
posted by mediareport at 9:33 PM on October 12, 2006
I go a ways to be a human being to telemarketers, Jehovah's Witnesses, 7th Day Adventists, and door to door salesman. I never buy anything, but 10 minutes of my time has yielded amazing insights into the human condition, more than once.
And in college, I was a door to door book salesman, and I remember, with evey stranger's knock on the door, how good a glass of cool water on a hot day can taste.
posted by paulsc at 9:36 PM on October 12, 2006
And in college, I was a door to door book salesman, and I remember, with evey stranger's knock on the door, how good a glass of cool water on a hot day can taste.
posted by paulsc at 9:36 PM on October 12, 2006
1989 called. It wants its Morning Zoo FM radio back.
posted by Pastabagel at 9:38 PM on October 12, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by Pastabagel at 9:38 PM on October 12, 2006 [1 favorite]
Btw, in the credit where it's due department, the guy on the phone is comedian Tom Mabe, who's made a name for himself solely on the anti-telemarketing comedy circuit. More short samples here.
posted by mediareport at 9:48 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by mediareport at 9:48 PM on October 12, 2006
2sheets & F Mackenzie seem to confuse the person with the role, and the role with the industry. The companies who decide that invading peoples' privacy to pester them into buying products of sometimes dubious value probably do indeed suck in most people's eyes.
However, the poor schmuck making the calls does not decide the marketing policy, does not write the script, has no input into the product, usually makes very little money, is certainly not enjoying their job, and is likely to be putting themselves through school or perhaps raising kids as a single parent. Whatever their situation, you can be certain they would be doing a more rewarding, less obnoxious job if they felt there was one available to them.
There is absolutely no justifiable reason for anybody to persecute these people, when a simple "no, thanks" will do. Better yet, put yourself on the "do not call" list & quit all that self-righteous whingeing.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:49 PM on October 12, 2006
However, the poor schmuck making the calls does not decide the marketing policy, does not write the script, has no input into the product, usually makes very little money, is certainly not enjoying their job, and is likely to be putting themselves through school or perhaps raising kids as a single parent. Whatever their situation, you can be certain they would be doing a more rewarding, less obnoxious job if they felt there was one available to them.
There is absolutely no justifiable reason for anybody to persecute these people, when a simple "no, thanks" will do. Better yet, put yourself on the "do not call" list & quit all that self-righteous whingeing.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:49 PM on October 12, 2006
However, the poor schmuck making the calls does not decide the marketing policy, does not write the script, has no input into the product, usually makes very little money, is certainly not enjoying their job, and is likely to be putting themselves through school or perhaps raising kids as a single parent.
And the guy scraping email addresses and selling them on to spammers, or sitting there breaking captchas probably has no interest in penis enlargement therapy either. And he probably has a family and a cute puppy dog. He's still an amoral pest.
posted by Jimbob at 9:54 PM on October 12, 2006
And the guy scraping email addresses and selling them on to spammers, or sitting there breaking captchas probably has no interest in penis enlargement therapy either. And he probably has a family and a cute puppy dog. He's still an amoral pest.
posted by Jimbob at 9:54 PM on October 12, 2006
I had the chance to take a telemarketing job once. I was desperate, but when I found out what the job was, I walked out of the interview.
As many have said, there are other jobs. If you intrude on my space, I'm going to be rude. Maybe not as clever as this guy, but I have no obligation to treat an intrusion politely.
(And I never undestand why people entertain telemarketers or door to door sales men. You don't have to say you're not intrested - just hangup the phone or close the door.)
posted by [insert clever name here] at 9:57 PM on October 12, 2006
As many have said, there are other jobs. If you intrude on my space, I'm going to be rude. Maybe not as clever as this guy, but I have no obligation to treat an intrusion politely.
(And I never undestand why people entertain telemarketers or door to door sales men. You don't have to say you're not intrested - just hangup the phone or close the door.)
posted by [insert clever name here] at 9:57 PM on October 12, 2006
The gay thing at the end was a bit off, but that was very, very funny.
posted by bunglin jones at 10:01 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by bunglin jones at 10:01 PM on October 12, 2006
Gay joke: not that funny.
Asking for his address: very funny.
posted by danb at 10:07 PM on October 12, 2006
Asking for his address: very funny.
posted by danb at 10:07 PM on October 12, 2006
There is absolutely no justifiable reason for anybody to persecute these people, when a simple "no, thanks" will do. Better yet, put yourself on the "do not call" list & quit all that self-righteous whingeing.
I'm on the do not call list and I STILL get about four calls a week from telemarketers. It gets really old after awhile, especially when you try to be polite and they just keep calling you. Self-righteous Whining? Probably not.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 10:10 PM on October 12, 2006
I'm on the do not call list and I STILL get about four calls a week from telemarketers. It gets really old after awhile, especially when you try to be polite and they just keep calling you. Self-righteous Whining? Probably not.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 10:10 PM on October 12, 2006
Considering how much practically EVERYONE hates telemarketers, I believe, as stated above, someone must be absolutely desperate to take a telemarketing job. Therefore, I make a conscious effort to be at least moderately polite. I usually say "no thank you" and hang up as soon as I deduce it is a telemarketer (usually first 5 seconds).
I actually enjoy doing some phone surveys, but I've learned the absolute most important thing is asking at the very beginning what the estimated time to complete is. Most reputable survey companies have that printed at the top of the sheet for the callers.
I once had someone tell me the estimated time to complete was 40 minutes. I asked to speak to a supervisor and told them they had to be insane to expect someone to sit through a 40 minute telephone survey. He responded that they were not responsible for the length of the survey, they just made the calls.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:10 PM on October 12, 2006
I actually enjoy doing some phone surveys, but I've learned the absolute most important thing is asking at the very beginning what the estimated time to complete is. Most reputable survey companies have that printed at the top of the sheet for the callers.
I once had someone tell me the estimated time to complete was 40 minutes. I asked to speak to a supervisor and told them they had to be insane to expect someone to sit through a 40 minute telephone survey. He responded that they were not responsible for the length of the survey, they just made the calls.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:10 PM on October 12, 2006
Yeah, the telemarketers are just doing their jobs. You know who else was just doing their jobs?
The Nazis.
(Actually, being a dick to telemarketers is stupid. This is clever enough to get away with it, though.)
posted by Bookhouse at 10:22 PM on October 12, 2006
The Nazis.
(Actually, being a dick to telemarketers is stupid. This is clever enough to get away with it, though.)
posted by Bookhouse at 10:22 PM on October 12, 2006
I'm glad I'm not the first here to call bullshit, don't get me wrong, it was funny as hell (ok, minus the DJ laugh track) but really, are people honestly thinking that someone answered the phone and was that quick out the gate with that reaction?
Don't get me wrong, I know there are people who can pull it off, but the really obvious bit is the telemarketer himself. He rattled off that address way too quick. I work in the same building as telemarketers and I can assure you, for what they are getting paid, the vast majority of them are not even aware of what day it is, let alone where they are (forgive my hyperbole, but concede my point.)
I'm also suspicious of the quality of the recording. Mighty good tape recorder to get both the earpiece and the mic. [yeah, I'm being stinky here, I know that there are several answering machines that will record calls, but that isn't what the DJs described.]
This is pure Morning Zoo stuff. Silly recordings that make people laugh. Generally fake.
...
Actually, I'm gonna take that back. This isn't normal Morning Zoo fare. This is actually funny. And the next telemarketer that makes the mistake of calling me might have to deal with a much less polished version of this dialogue.
posted by quin at 10:22 PM on October 12, 2006
Don't get me wrong, I know there are people who can pull it off, but the really obvious bit is the telemarketer himself. He rattled off that address way too quick. I work in the same building as telemarketers and I can assure you, for what they are getting paid, the vast majority of them are not even aware of what day it is, let alone where they are (forgive my hyperbole, but concede my point.)
I'm also suspicious of the quality of the recording. Mighty good tape recorder to get both the earpiece and the mic. [yeah, I'm being stinky here, I know that there are several answering machines that will record calls, but that isn't what the DJs described.]
This is pure Morning Zoo stuff. Silly recordings that make people laugh. Generally fake.
...
Actually, I'm gonna take that back. This isn't normal Morning Zoo fare. This is actually funny. And the next telemarketer that makes the mistake of calling me might have to deal with a much less polished version of this dialogue.
posted by quin at 10:22 PM on October 12, 2006
And the guy scraping email addresses and selling them on to spammers, or sitting there breaking captchas probably has no interest in penis enlargement therapy either.
Bit of a false analogy there, Jimbob.
I doubt that the people on the phones at telemarketing companies have anything to do with compiling the phone lists, which are just a matter of going straight to the public record anyway, ie the telephone directory. Pesty, perhaps, but not amoral. Not even immoral.
But anyway, email scrapers have no interest in penis enlargements. Sure. That's because their job is to gather email addresses. Telemarketers' jobs are to make phone calls. It's still the industry that is calling the shots, not the (literally) poor person on the phone. You need to be able to recognise the difference between the individual & the institution to avoid being an asshole in this and other areas of life.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:29 PM on October 12, 2006
Bit of a false analogy there, Jimbob.
I doubt that the people on the phones at telemarketing companies have anything to do with compiling the phone lists, which are just a matter of going straight to the public record anyway, ie the telephone directory. Pesty, perhaps, but not amoral. Not even immoral.
But anyway, email scrapers have no interest in penis enlargements. Sure. That's because their job is to gather email addresses. Telemarketers' jobs are to make phone calls. It's still the industry that is calling the shots, not the (literally) poor person on the phone. You need to be able to recognise the difference between the individual & the institution to avoid being an asshole in this and other areas of life.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:29 PM on October 12, 2006
As terrifically funny as 90% of this is, I'm with paulsc here. I try to be as nice as possible whenever I interact with people who are clearly far less lucky than I.
That said, telemarketers get zero warnings. I'm as polite as they are, but if I get an attitude about making sure they never call me again, the gloves come off. I will happily spend quite a bit of time tracking down the idiot company that called me, call them back with the fury of a thousand suns behind me and read them a fascinating collection of riot acts from divers and exotic locales.
One delightful facet of this is that one of the telephone numbers that rings through is an Asterisk-terminated direct VoIP line. Lie over caller ID all you like, on that line I'm the phone company and you can't hide. The surprise when I call back an unlisted, caller-ID-spoofed outgoing-only line is priceless.
posted by Skorgu at 10:31 PM on October 12, 2006
That said, telemarketers get zero warnings. I'm as polite as they are, but if I get an attitude about making sure they never call me again, the gloves come off. I will happily spend quite a bit of time tracking down the idiot company that called me, call them back with the fury of a thousand suns behind me and read them a fascinating collection of riot acts from divers and exotic locales.
One delightful facet of this is that one of the telephone numbers that rings through is an Asterisk-terminated direct VoIP line. Lie over caller ID all you like, on that line I'm the phone company and you can't hide. The surprise when I call back an unlisted, caller-ID-spoofed outgoing-only line is priceless.
posted by Skorgu at 10:31 PM on October 12, 2006
As a telemarketer, I'm not sure if I'd be amused or annoyed. I don't exactly like my job. Well, I like my *job*, I just don't like what I *do*. I work with some great people at my job. My work however... I sell theatre subscriptions, and call within the Philadelphia metropolitan area. I will not mention what theatre, as to protect my ass. I've been sworn at, yelled, insulted, and threatened. (Though most people treat me quite nicely, or just hang up before I speak.)
Also, unlike this telemarketing call, what I do is a) not a scam, b) mostly unscripted, and c) I actually *talk* with the person I've called. Furthermore, I'm working off lists and sheets of paper. I dial the numbers myself. I take notes. I'm not being braced to connect with someone just a couple nanoseconds after seeing their name. I get off easy.
Anyway, if you don't like being called, please do this: Quietly and politely, say, "No thank you. Please remove my name from your list." Then, if they don't hang up, you hang up. It'll make my day easier, and yours. I'm a human being too.
posted by SansPoint at 10:32 PM on October 12, 2006
Also, unlike this telemarketing call, what I do is a) not a scam, b) mostly unscripted, and c) I actually *talk* with the person I've called. Furthermore, I'm working off lists and sheets of paper. I dial the numbers myself. I take notes. I'm not being braced to connect with someone just a couple nanoseconds after seeing their name. I get off easy.
Anyway, if you don't like being called, please do this: Quietly and politely, say, "No thank you. Please remove my name from your list." Then, if they don't hang up, you hang up. It'll make my day easier, and yours. I'm a human being too.
posted by SansPoint at 10:32 PM on October 12, 2006
Guess what? I hate telemarketers, too. But I also hate infantile so-called comedians who rely on easy marks, imbecile audiences and borderline homophobic and racist jokes to do their shtick.
These people disgust me more than the poor desperate schmo who for whatever reason has wound up doing this job (which by the very fact of its existence is a shaming indictment of our society).
"What kind of question is that?", indeed.
My advice? Don't answer your phone. Or do the no-call thing.
Ugh.
posted by trip and a half at 10:39 PM on October 12, 2006
These people disgust me more than the poor desperate schmo who for whatever reason has wound up doing this job (which by the very fact of its existence is a shaming indictment of our society).
"What kind of question is that?", indeed.
My advice? Don't answer your phone. Or do the no-call thing.
Ugh.
posted by trip and a half at 10:39 PM on October 12, 2006
Bit of a false analogy there, Jimbob.
It's not the perfect analogy, but the analogy was intended to identify "telemarketers" as being the front line people, doing the dirty work, of a corrupt, dishonest, unnecessary industry. Just like the people who are doing the dirty work for spammers. I presume people who become telemarketers know they're going to work for an industry whos daily aim is to rip off old people who can sorely afford to waste money, to scare housewives, to trick people into agreeing to things they don't want and don't understand. And people are able to make a moral choice not to do that. Like I said, if they really see sitting on their ass with a telephone as the only viable way of making cash, can't they go earn $6 an hour taking calls for a paging service, or the Yellow Pages or something, instead of messing with people's lives?
I should note that I *do* love doing phone surveys, however. It's the people trying to sell me something and rip me off who can fuck off.
posted by Jimbob at 10:39 PM on October 12, 2006
It's not the perfect analogy, but the analogy was intended to identify "telemarketers" as being the front line people, doing the dirty work, of a corrupt, dishonest, unnecessary industry. Just like the people who are doing the dirty work for spammers. I presume people who become telemarketers know they're going to work for an industry whos daily aim is to rip off old people who can sorely afford to waste money, to scare housewives, to trick people into agreeing to things they don't want and don't understand. And people are able to make a moral choice not to do that. Like I said, if they really see sitting on their ass with a telephone as the only viable way of making cash, can't they go earn $6 an hour taking calls for a paging service, or the Yellow Pages or something, instead of messing with people's lives?
I should note that I *do* love doing phone surveys, however. It's the people trying to sell me something and rip me off who can fuck off.
posted by Jimbob at 10:39 PM on October 12, 2006
I should also point out that most, if not all the people we call, have some relationship to theater. Either they're the supporter of another arts organization, have attended a show, been a former subscriber, or requested information from us.
posted by SansPoint at 10:43 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by SansPoint at 10:43 PM on October 12, 2006
As I post, I realize that I didn't slam telemarketers nearly enough.
Please people, fuck with them.
Hating them went out of style when spam became king. But everyone should be diligent about not being polite or helpful to these parasites. I don't care that they make the same as a McD worker, someone at McDonald's [hatefully] is getting you a burger. All telemarketers are doing is wasting your time and money.
Fuck with them. It will make the world a better place.
posted by quin at 10:49 PM on October 12, 2006
Please people, fuck with them.
Hating them went out of style when spam became king. But everyone should be diligent about not being polite or helpful to these parasites. I don't care that they make the same as a McD worker, someone at McDonald's [hatefully] is getting you a burger. All telemarketers are doing is wasting your time and money.
Fuck with them. It will make the world a better place.
posted by quin at 10:49 PM on October 12, 2006
quin, this telemarkerter, at least, won't let you fuck with him. Any silly shit, I hang up the phone. You're wasting my time and yours. I average over 100 calls in a usual three hour shift. I don't have time to waste on you.
posted by SansPoint at 10:51 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by SansPoint at 10:51 PM on October 12, 2006
You know, there's Nothing funny about harassing tele-marketers. They're just doing their jobs, you know, it's not like they have any personal stake in interrupting your day.
I normally don't like humor at the expense of others like that, but that was just hilarious.
posted by delmoi at 11:03 PM on October 12, 2006
I normally don't like humor at the expense of others like that, but that was just hilarious.
posted by delmoi at 11:03 PM on October 12, 2006
SansPoint, I don't want to draw distinctions, 'cause I may be wrong, but you sound more like you are in telesales. I know that this seems like an attempt to protect a fellow MeFite, but there is a significant difference. Telemarketing is all about the cold call to someone who hasn't had a realonship with you. Telesales is taking a customer that you've had in the past relationship with and trying to sell them on something bigger.
If I'm wrong, please forgive me. Telemarketers are no better than roaches, In telesales, at least you are working with a customer you've dealt with before.
posted by quin at 11:07 PM on October 12, 2006
If I'm wrong, please forgive me. Telemarketers are no better than roaches, In telesales, at least you are working with a customer you've dealt with before.
posted by quin at 11:07 PM on October 12, 2006
quin We've used the term interchangably at work. There is cold calling involved, mostly when dealing with people from other arts organizations.
In any case, we're selling a genuine product (theater subscriptions), at a sane price. Still, I object to being treated like the scum of the earth when I have a job I'm trying to do. I work on commission. Your joking and horseplay robs me of time and money I could be using to sell and earn a decent paycheck.
posted by SansPoint at 11:11 PM on October 12, 2006
In any case, we're selling a genuine product (theater subscriptions), at a sane price. Still, I object to being treated like the scum of the earth when I have a job I'm trying to do. I work on commission. Your joking and horseplay robs me of time and money I could be using to sell and earn a decent paycheck.
posted by SansPoint at 11:11 PM on October 12, 2006
Bageena, you have my deepest condolances and sympathies.
posted by SansPoint at 11:33 PM on October 12, 2006
posted by SansPoint at 11:33 PM on October 12, 2006
Your joking and horseplay robs me of time and money I could be using to sell and earn a decent paycheck.
And I honestly apologize for that. But realize that you are employed in an environment that might as well be a lightning rod for hatred. I don't know your specific company's procedures, but the basic system that most telemarketers follow is basically the same vector that spammers use.
Understand, I'm not trying to denigrate your job specifically, but really, at the end of the day telemarketers are calling people in their homes at dinner time, trying to make a sale.
If these people have had some sort of up-front agreement that their services would include sale pitches over the phone, then fine. But in my personal experience, telemarketers are cold callers who intrude on my time and irritate me.
If that isn't your business plan then I'm sorry for including you in my rant, but at the same time, my house used to get unexpected, unwanted calls daily. And really, that shit is irritating.
I make the distinction between telemarkters and teleslaes only because my job has showed me that there is a difference. Three years ago I would have lumped sellers all in to a catagory of 'people who are calling me that I don't want to call me.'
I don't know that the average person has that kind of background to make the same distinction.
posted by quin at 11:42 PM on October 12, 2006
And I honestly apologize for that. But realize that you are employed in an environment that might as well be a lightning rod for hatred. I don't know your specific company's procedures, but the basic system that most telemarketers follow is basically the same vector that spammers use.
Understand, I'm not trying to denigrate your job specifically, but really, at the end of the day telemarketers are calling people in their homes at dinner time, trying to make a sale.
If these people have had some sort of up-front agreement that their services would include sale pitches over the phone, then fine. But in my personal experience, telemarketers are cold callers who intrude on my time and irritate me.
If that isn't your business plan then I'm sorry for including you in my rant, but at the same time, my house used to get unexpected, unwanted calls daily. And really, that shit is irritating.
I make the distinction between telemarkters and teleslaes only because my job has showed me that there is a difference. Three years ago I would have lumped sellers all in to a catagory of 'people who are calling me that I don't want to call me.'
I don't know that the average person has that kind of background to make the same distinction.
posted by quin at 11:42 PM on October 12, 2006
desperate to take a telemarketing job
Never done it but had friends who did, and yes, they could have taken other Mcjobs, but they liked that they could go to work in whatever clothing they pleased, and they had a really collegial office (/support group). They uniformly reported that rude people were the second-worst part of the job; the worst part being that they understood why they were being rude, and sympathized.
That being said, I bet they would have laughed their ass off at this (after it was over, anyway). It's a boring job. This story would get told for years.
posted by dreamsign at 11:49 PM on October 12, 2006
Never done it but had friends who did, and yes, they could have taken other Mcjobs, but they liked that they could go to work in whatever clothing they pleased, and they had a really collegial office (/support group). They uniformly reported that rude people were the second-worst part of the job; the worst part being that they understood why they were being rude, and sympathized.
That being said, I bet they would have laughed their ass off at this (after it was over, anyway). It's a boring job. This story would get told for years.
posted by dreamsign at 11:49 PM on October 12, 2006
Telemarketers are just doing their job, which is to dig up people's numbers and intrude on their time in order to give them an unexpected sales pitch. Nonetheless, it's their job, and a low-paying one at that.
Also, the guy you call to take you off the list, be it for telemarketers or for adWare, is just doing his job, which is to make sure that it's as difficult as possible to take you off their lists.
Also, their supervisors are just guys who were probably inm those same positions previously, and who worked their asses off to reach a position where they can politely tell you to fuck off, you're staying on the list.
And the Marketing agents are simply people who didn't have any other viable economic option other than telelmarketing for a product that didn't have enough capital behind it to sell any other way.
And the entrpreneurs are just people who threw their money behind a shitty product and hired other people to sell it in any way that they could.
Capitalism wins!
I know, as well as anybody can, how shitty the job market can be, and I make a point myself to be overly polite to every professional that I have contact with, be it telemarketers, or couriers, or even sending a consoling note to the new girl at the restaurant who fucked up my delivery order, but we still choose our occupations, and nobody chooses to be a telemarketer without knowing that their making their paycheck by irritating others. This was balls-out hillarious to me, far funnier than I thought itwould be, and even the end was humorous, as it wasn't homophobic so much as putting the guy in an escalatingly awkward situation.
If Ali G is funny to you, than this is too.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:00 AM on October 13, 2006
Also, the guy you call to take you off the list, be it for telemarketers or for adWare, is just doing his job, which is to make sure that it's as difficult as possible to take you off their lists.
Also, their supervisors are just guys who were probably inm those same positions previously, and who worked their asses off to reach a position where they can politely tell you to fuck off, you're staying on the list.
And the Marketing agents are simply people who didn't have any other viable economic option other than telelmarketing for a product that didn't have enough capital behind it to sell any other way.
And the entrpreneurs are just people who threw their money behind a shitty product and hired other people to sell it in any way that they could.
Capitalism wins!
I know, as well as anybody can, how shitty the job market can be, and I make a point myself to be overly polite to every professional that I have contact with, be it telemarketers, or couriers, or even sending a consoling note to the new girl at the restaurant who fucked up my delivery order, but we still choose our occupations, and nobody chooses to be a telemarketer without knowing that their making their paycheck by irritating others. This was balls-out hillarious to me, far funnier than I thought itwould be, and even the end was humorous, as it wasn't homophobic so much as putting the guy in an escalatingly awkward situation.
If Ali G is funny to you, than this is too.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:00 AM on October 13, 2006
If I'm wrong, please forgive me. Telemarketers are no better than roaches, In telesales, at least you are working with a customer you've dealt with before.
That distinction makes sense linguistically, but in practical annoyance levels, they're about the same. A call from my phone company is just as annoying as any other telemarketing job, and usually done by the same call centers.
posted by delmoi at 12:08 AM on October 13, 2006
That distinction makes sense linguistically, but in practical annoyance levels, they're about the same. A call from my phone company is just as annoying as any other telemarketing job, and usually done by the same call centers.
posted by delmoi at 12:08 AM on October 13, 2006
Is there a phone company that does not allow telemarketers to call its customers?
Or a phone company that charges telemarketers an extra couple of dollars per call and then takes that money off the called customer's bill? That would change attitudes a lot, knowing that the guy trying to sell you aluminum siding had at least paid you something for the time they are taking from you. "No thanks for the siding, but thanks for the help with my phone bill!" (Of course, that would reduce calls by about 99 percent, but that also wouldn't be bad. You would get focused calls from people who thought you really, really might be interested in the product.)
posted by pracowity at 12:22 AM on October 13, 2006 [1 favorite]
Or a phone company that charges telemarketers an extra couple of dollars per call and then takes that money off the called customer's bill? That would change attitudes a lot, knowing that the guy trying to sell you aluminum siding had at least paid you something for the time they are taking from you. "No thanks for the siding, but thanks for the help with my phone bill!" (Of course, that would reduce calls by about 99 percent, but that also wouldn't be bad. You would get focused calls from people who thought you really, really might be interested in the product.)
posted by pracowity at 12:22 AM on October 13, 2006 [1 favorite]
There is a big difference between someone who has a regular job where their employer's policy (out of their control) happens to be rude/unfair/amoral/unethical, and someone who chooses a job knowing that their entire work plan is rude, or unfair, or amoral, or unethical.
Telemarketers do not deserve sympathy. I don't go out of my way to be rude to them because it just wastes more of my time.
posted by grouse at 12:50 AM on October 13, 2006
Telemarketers do not deserve sympathy. I don't go out of my way to be rude to them because it just wastes more of my time.
posted by grouse at 12:50 AM on October 13, 2006
In the UK it is more expensive for the caller to call a mobile, so by having a mobile only I get very few cold-calling calls. Still some though.
posted by grouse at 12:52 AM on October 13, 2006
posted by grouse at 12:52 AM on October 13, 2006
Many years ago, I was a telemarketer.
Let me tell you guys a little something about being a telemarketer. It sucks. No one likes being a telemarketer. The offices are always run down shit holes. The bosses are, more often than not, sleazy assholes who treat you like dirt. And then most of the people you have to call treat you like dirt too.
Most of the time the job is boring as bat-shit. From your list of hundreds of phone numbers you must work through each night, a great many of them will be busy, engaged or simply no one will be home. Of the calls who do pick up, many people are hard to understand, rude, or in some cases, they threaten to kill you for ringing them. Like if somehow the fact that they had to pick up the phone and talk to you for the 10 seconds they talked to you before telling you to fuck off was the greatest crime committed against man.
So once again, I repeat that the only people who could like being a telemarketer are people who like punishment. Or liars.
But most of the people who become telemarketers do so because of the reasons I once did so. I had no skills and no money and it was pretty much the best I could do at the time. I hated the job but the fact is I had to survive, just like everyone else, which is why I did it.
It was an eye-opener, though. I went in not thinking there was anything wrong with telemarketing and came out hating myself for ever having done it. I am fairly certain that there are some people out there who took up my offer of a free consultation, or whatever, who probably ended up getting ripped off. Which is why, after my first two telemarketing gigs, I only started telemarketing for companies who had reputations I could trust. Telstra. Survey Companies like Newspoll. Optus.
This became a hard rule. No sleazy companies. If I went to an interview and the guy seemed like a con-man, I said no. Once, during a period of protracted unemployment, the Government tried to force me into a sleazy telemarketing job or else I'd lose my benefits. I said no, and lost my benefits for a few months. Life was tough, but soon enough I found another reputable telemarketing job that paid the bills.
But reputable or not, telemarketing sucked and I hated it.
But all the time, I wasn't resting on my laurels. I used the jobs to pay my way through University. To better myself so that I would never need another telemarketing job again. And 4 years later, I graduated from University, with honours, and I'm now working in an awesome job which pays heaps and, importantly, I should never have need to do another telemarketing job ever again.
The point I'm trying to make here is that yes, telemarketers are annoying. Even as a former telemarketer, I get annoyed when I pick up the phone and am offered some sort of product I didn't ask to be contacted about. But having been there and done that, I know that the other person on the end of the line isn't scum (in all probability).
He or she is just another ordinary person who hates their job, is trying to make ends meet and would rather be doing anything else than calling you right now. Seriously, think about that. They'd rather be doing ANYTHING ELSE.
So despite the fact that telemarketers annoy me, I'm polite. And despite the fact I thought this call was funny (and this post is good), I'd never pull a similar stunt on a telemarketer because I have sympathy for them. It only takes a few seconds to tell them "Thankyou, but I'm not interested." If they persist, rinse and repeat. The ones who continue after that, however, simply get hung up on. I mean, you gave them fair warning. Beyond that, they have no one else to blame for making their job suck even more that night.
So I guess the point I'm trying to make is, be nice to your fellow human beings. Not all are as fortunate as you may be. Not all have every road open to them in how they make their money. Consider that the next time you want to flip a telemarketer off.
posted by Effigy2000 at 12:53 AM on October 13, 2006 [2 favorites]
Let me tell you guys a little something about being a telemarketer. It sucks. No one likes being a telemarketer. The offices are always run down shit holes. The bosses are, more often than not, sleazy assholes who treat you like dirt. And then most of the people you have to call treat you like dirt too.
Most of the time the job is boring as bat-shit. From your list of hundreds of phone numbers you must work through each night, a great many of them will be busy, engaged or simply no one will be home. Of the calls who do pick up, many people are hard to understand, rude, or in some cases, they threaten to kill you for ringing them. Like if somehow the fact that they had to pick up the phone and talk to you for the 10 seconds they talked to you before telling you to fuck off was the greatest crime committed against man.
So once again, I repeat that the only people who could like being a telemarketer are people who like punishment. Or liars.
But most of the people who become telemarketers do so because of the reasons I once did so. I had no skills and no money and it was pretty much the best I could do at the time. I hated the job but the fact is I had to survive, just like everyone else, which is why I did it.
It was an eye-opener, though. I went in not thinking there was anything wrong with telemarketing and came out hating myself for ever having done it. I am fairly certain that there are some people out there who took up my offer of a free consultation, or whatever, who probably ended up getting ripped off. Which is why, after my first two telemarketing gigs, I only started telemarketing for companies who had reputations I could trust. Telstra. Survey Companies like Newspoll. Optus.
This became a hard rule. No sleazy companies. If I went to an interview and the guy seemed like a con-man, I said no. Once, during a period of protracted unemployment, the Government tried to force me into a sleazy telemarketing job or else I'd lose my benefits. I said no, and lost my benefits for a few months. Life was tough, but soon enough I found another reputable telemarketing job that paid the bills.
But reputable or not, telemarketing sucked and I hated it.
But all the time, I wasn't resting on my laurels. I used the jobs to pay my way through University. To better myself so that I would never need another telemarketing job again. And 4 years later, I graduated from University, with honours, and I'm now working in an awesome job which pays heaps and, importantly, I should never have need to do another telemarketing job ever again.
The point I'm trying to make here is that yes, telemarketers are annoying. Even as a former telemarketer, I get annoyed when I pick up the phone and am offered some sort of product I didn't ask to be contacted about. But having been there and done that, I know that the other person on the end of the line isn't scum (in all probability).
He or she is just another ordinary person who hates their job, is trying to make ends meet and would rather be doing anything else than calling you right now. Seriously, think about that. They'd rather be doing ANYTHING ELSE.
So despite the fact that telemarketers annoy me, I'm polite. And despite the fact I thought this call was funny (and this post is good), I'd never pull a similar stunt on a telemarketer because I have sympathy for them. It only takes a few seconds to tell them "Thankyou, but I'm not interested." If they persist, rinse and repeat. The ones who continue after that, however, simply get hung up on. I mean, you gave them fair warning. Beyond that, they have no one else to blame for making their job suck even more that night.
So I guess the point I'm trying to make is, be nice to your fellow human beings. Not all are as fortunate as you may be. Not all have every road open to them in how they make their money. Consider that the next time you want to flip a telemarketer off.
posted by Effigy2000 at 12:53 AM on October 13, 2006 [2 favorites]
Effigy, could you please post your phone number so I can call you while you're cooking or eating your dinner (the usual time), out in the yard (so you have to run inside) or sleeping. Be nice to your fellow human beings indeed, STOP fucking calling me!
posted by Merlin at 1:21 AM on October 13, 2006
posted by Merlin at 1:21 AM on October 13, 2006
You make a fair point, Effigy2000, but I'll just put on the record that Telstra definately fit into the sleazy category in my books, since they conned my elderly dad into the world's worst broadband plan, which has cost him hundreds of dollars more than it should have.
Fundamentally, companies use telemarketing because they are trying to sell a product that people would otherwise have no reason to buy.
posted by Jimbob at 1:21 AM on October 13, 2006
Fundamentally, companies use telemarketing because they are trying to sell a product that people would otherwise have no reason to buy.
posted by Jimbob at 1:21 AM on October 13, 2006
My personal best : keeping the guy 23 minutes and then finally we arrived to the point where I said I was'nt interested in the wine he was trying to sell me. Two things happened afterwards : mysterious and anonymous phone calls and a subscription to a no more call from people without caller ID...
posted by Baud at 1:42 AM on October 13, 2006
posted by Baud at 1:42 AM on October 13, 2006
A vodafone sales rep here on the phone to me, trying to renew my contract with some pish deal after a several months of faulty service on my old handset said to me "it seems to me that your not much of a talker".
Those magic words. Not much of a talker he says. I could, can and do wiffle on endlessly. I enjoy doing so. And I like a challenge.
So I kept him on the phone for 20 minutes - talked about Toyota Priuses, fitted in random entertaining moments from my memory, talked about the software on Nokia phones, fitted in random entertaining observations of life, told him about the M5 motorway and Cornwall, a boating lake I went on, calling the AA and playing I spy, Counterstrike, goth techno and and and... (well you get the picture).
The poor man was stuck in a state where he couldnt hang up because it would be rude and laughter and the random babble.
In the end I admitted he was right, I send 500+ texts a month and barely use any of my inclusive minutes on my phone contract.
And then said I was off to 02 for a cheaper deal.
(a week later I got lazy and stayed with Vodafone lol)
posted by 13twelve at 2:54 AM on October 13, 2006
Those magic words. Not much of a talker he says. I could, can and do wiffle on endlessly. I enjoy doing so. And I like a challenge.
So I kept him on the phone for 20 minutes - talked about Toyota Priuses, fitted in random entertaining moments from my memory, talked about the software on Nokia phones, fitted in random entertaining observations of life, told him about the M5 motorway and Cornwall, a boating lake I went on, calling the AA and playing I spy, Counterstrike, goth techno and and and... (well you get the picture).
The poor man was stuck in a state where he couldnt hang up because it would be rude and laughter and the random babble.
In the end I admitted he was right, I send 500+ texts a month and barely use any of my inclusive minutes on my phone contract.
And then said I was off to 02 for a cheaper deal.
(a week later I got lazy and stayed with Vodafone lol)
posted by 13twelve at 2:54 AM on October 13, 2006
"Effigy, could you please post your phone number so I can call you while you're cooking or eating your dinner (the usual time), out in the yard (so you have to run inside) or sleeping. Be nice to your fellow human beings indeed, STOP fucking calling me!"
posted by Merlin at 7:21 PM AEST on October 13
Read what I said again. I know they're annoying. I know they often call at inopportune times. But how hard is it to be polite? To simply say "No thank you, I'm not interested." It takes 10 seconds, far shorter than the length of time most of these 'ingenious' anti-telemarketer pranks take to do, and takes next to no energy. Be polite.
But then, based on the content of your comment, I suppose it's easy to see how that point would be lost on you. I only hope that you never find yourself in such dire economic straits that you find telemarketing is your only chance to make ends meet. Because, merlin, that would be unfortunate for all concerned.
posted by Effigy2000 at 3:34 AM on October 13, 2006
posted by Merlin at 7:21 PM AEST on October 13
Read what I said again. I know they're annoying. I know they often call at inopportune times. But how hard is it to be polite? To simply say "No thank you, I'm not interested." It takes 10 seconds, far shorter than the length of time most of these 'ingenious' anti-telemarketer pranks take to do, and takes next to no energy. Be polite.
But then, based on the content of your comment, I suppose it's easy to see how that point would be lost on you. I only hope that you never find yourself in such dire economic straits that you find telemarketing is your only chance to make ends meet. Because, merlin, that would be unfortunate for all concerned.
posted by Effigy2000 at 3:34 AM on October 13, 2006
Your joking and horseplay robs me of time and money I could be using to sell and earn a decent paycheck.
Given that your livelihood is based on robbing complete strangers of their time I am flabbergasted that you have the nerve to think this even approaches being a valid argument.
posted by biffa at 3:36 AM on October 13, 2006
Given that your livelihood is based on robbing complete strangers of their time I am flabbergasted that you have the nerve to think this even approaches being a valid argument.
posted by biffa at 3:36 AM on October 13, 2006
But how hard is it to be polite?
I wish the telemarketers were polite. Which would mean not calling people they don't know to sell stuff to them. Because that is definitely rude.
posted by grouse at 3:39 AM on October 13, 2006
I wish the telemarketers were polite. Which would mean not calling people they don't know to sell stuff to them. Because that is definitely rude.
posted by grouse at 3:39 AM on October 13, 2006
I really wish that Bob and Tom would shut their freaking microphones off when they play a bit. Their cackling laughter over everything detracts from their bits.
posted by shawnj at 4:38 AM on October 13, 2006
posted by shawnj at 4:38 AM on October 13, 2006
Here's the deal...if someone calls, and I am nice and say "no thanks". but they keep on asking me stupid scripted questions designed to hook me into their spiel, I get mad.
I am on the no-call list...I get these calls from my phone company to get DSL and my credit card company to buy random crap. Sometimes student loan people too. Sometimes I can't even understand what they are saying.
I also worked as a telemarketer in college. I was pretty good at it too. We sold some package to credit card customers that you could *try* for 30 days and then just cancel. They made the mistake of showing us the stuff that actually got mailed to the customers, and we had been telling lies... there was no easy way to cancel the service. I quit that day. I hate that I had lied to all those people and they had bought stuff based on what I told them (because that is what I was told). I ended up making bagels that semester at 5 AM every morning, but at least I wasn't a liar.
posted by gminks at 4:58 AM on October 13, 2006
I am on the no-call list...I get these calls from my phone company to get DSL and my credit card company to buy random crap. Sometimes student loan people too. Sometimes I can't even understand what they are saying.
I also worked as a telemarketer in college. I was pretty good at it too. We sold some package to credit card customers that you could *try* for 30 days and then just cancel. They made the mistake of showing us the stuff that actually got mailed to the customers, and we had been telling lies... there was no easy way to cancel the service. I quit that day. I hate that I had lied to all those people and they had bought stuff based on what I told them (because that is what I was told). I ended up making bagels that semester at 5 AM every morning, but at least I wasn't a liar.
posted by gminks at 4:58 AM on October 13, 2006
1. If saying "no thank you" and hanging up the phone is the most aggravating issue in your day I would say you have had a pretty good day.
2. The schtick was hilarious.
3. If you took it as legit you may be a candidate for such a telemarketing job.
posted by notreally at 5:01 AM on October 13, 2006
2. The schtick was hilarious.
3. If you took it as legit you may be a candidate for such a telemarketing job.
posted by notreally at 5:01 AM on October 13, 2006
You know who else was just doing their job?
Concentration Camp Guards.
posted by Joeforking at 5:11 AM on October 13, 2006
Concentration Camp Guards.
posted by Joeforking at 5:11 AM on October 13, 2006
You know who else was just doing their job?
Concentration Camp Guards.
You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair they made the Jews wear.
posted by kbanas at 5:33 AM on October 13, 2006
Concentration Camp Guards.
You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair they made the Jews wear.
posted by kbanas at 5:33 AM on October 13, 2006
Bob and Tom's laughter makes me ill. I grew up in Indianapolis, where they've been The Morning DJs for at least 30 years. In the mornings in High School I had several classes that would play the radio, by popular vote it was always those unfunny buttmunchers with their hyena-in-heat noises. Sounds the same today is it did 20 years ago. Jesus.
There's a reason they record a laugh track over their bits, though. (And it is recorded, they replay bits and the laughter is always i-den-ti-cal.) Other radio shows were recording them (especially these stupid songs they'd play) off the air and claiming them as their own.
Now I'm going to go listen to the calming sounds of Nina Totenberg.
posted by sohcahtoa at 5:48 AM on October 13, 2006
There's a reason they record a laugh track over their bits, though. (And it is recorded, they replay bits and the laughter is always i-den-ti-cal.) Other radio shows were recording them (especially these stupid songs they'd play) off the air and claiming them as their own.
Now I'm going to go listen to the calming sounds of Nina Totenberg.
posted by sohcahtoa at 5:48 AM on October 13, 2006
But how hard is it to be polite?
Not hard at all. But we get calls at work all the time from folks who want to take over our phone/credit card/whatever services. Every single one starts off in a misleading way to fool us into thinking we're already doing business with them and they're just checking in to see how we're doing.
Fuck them, Effigy2000. The scripts they use are inherently rude, and not only does politeness not work, it actively encourages them to keep us on the phone longer, when other customers are waiting. As far as we're concerned, the people reading those scripts are liars who don't deserve politeness, and the amount of money they're making is irrelevant to that fact.
posted by mediareport at 6:36 AM on October 13, 2006
Not hard at all. But we get calls at work all the time from folks who want to take over our phone/credit card/whatever services. Every single one starts off in a misleading way to fool us into thinking we're already doing business with them and they're just checking in to see how we're doing.
Fuck them, Effigy2000. The scripts they use are inherently rude, and not only does politeness not work, it actively encourages them to keep us on the phone longer, when other customers are waiting. As far as we're concerned, the people reading those scripts are liars who don't deserve politeness, and the amount of money they're making is irrelevant to that fact.
posted by mediareport at 6:36 AM on October 13, 2006
But how hard is it to be polite?
Effigy, give us a break. There is no reason to have sympathy for phone spammers. Just because it's a miserable job doesn't mean it's right. Should we also be polite to the countless African industrialist heirs that want our help transferring $120million to our bank account? Scammers, all the same.
BTW, this call was hilarious.
posted by StarForce5 at 6:43 AM on October 13, 2006
Effigy, give us a break. There is no reason to have sympathy for phone spammers. Just because it's a miserable job doesn't mean it's right. Should we also be polite to the countless African industrialist heirs that want our help transferring $120million to our bank account? Scammers, all the same.
BTW, this call was hilarious.
posted by StarForce5 at 6:43 AM on October 13, 2006
It wasn't their fault anything went wrong and yet people can't distinguish between the company and the employee.
Mmmmm... See I have a problem with this. That person is a representative of the company and holding themself out as such. Accordingly, if you're furious for a valid reason then it's legitimate to express it to the person whose role in an organisation it is to interact with customers. If you take the view that it wasn't their fault then whose is it? Vodafone as a legal entity is an abstract notion when you remove its employees from the equation. It's hard to express dissatisfaction to a vast pool of shareholders or memorandum and articles of association.
That said, there's no excuse for being rude is there? Just because someone does something rude to make a living it's rather déclassé to berate them for it. Two wrongs and all...
posted by dmt at 6:43 AM on October 13, 2006
Mmmmm... See I have a problem with this. That person is a representative of the company and holding themself out as such. Accordingly, if you're furious for a valid reason then it's legitimate to express it to the person whose role in an organisation it is to interact with customers. If you take the view that it wasn't their fault then whose is it? Vodafone as a legal entity is an abstract notion when you remove its employees from the equation. It's hard to express dissatisfaction to a vast pool of shareholders or memorandum and articles of association.
That said, there's no excuse for being rude is there? Just because someone does something rude to make a living it's rather déclassé to berate them for it. Two wrongs and all...
posted by dmt at 6:43 AM on October 13, 2006
This was pretty great.
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 6:52 AM on October 13, 2006
posted by Tacos Are Pretty Great at 6:52 AM on October 13, 2006
The no-call list doesn't cover charities, IIRC, and the one that steams my clams is the local PD Support Group. They have called the last three Saturdays at 8 AM, (in spite of telling them no, but thanks for checking), they only use men on the phone, and they pretend to be working cops. I can visualize a lot of old folks responding to their implied threat that if you don't give them money, somehow you will receive substandard police protection, and yes, they do manage to imply it.
/just whining, ignore me
posted by unrepentanthippie at 6:53 AM on October 13, 2006
/just whining, ignore me
posted by unrepentanthippie at 6:53 AM on October 13, 2006
unrepentanthippie: The proper response there is to tell them that you do support your local police, but your local Chief of Police has asked residents to make any donations directly to the local FOP and not to over the phone solicitors, since there is no way to verify their identity. Then say thank you and hang up.
If he's a scammer, who cares. If he really is a lawman he'll understand.
Of course, you should follow through and actually support the FOP locally or else you're just as bad as the telemarketers.
(I used to support police, fire, and rescue squads via these callers, till the Chief in my hometown said that if they receive anything it is usually only pennies on the dollar. Best to donate directly.)
posted by Ynoxas at 7:36 AM on October 13, 2006
If he's a scammer, who cares. If he really is a lawman he'll understand.
Of course, you should follow through and actually support the FOP locally or else you're just as bad as the telemarketers.
(I used to support police, fire, and rescue squads via these callers, till the Chief in my hometown said that if they receive anything it is usually only pennies on the dollar. Best to donate directly.)
posted by Ynoxas at 7:36 AM on October 13, 2006
lol, quite cool!
UbuRoivas, If you can get a telemarketer to harass you, you'll be $10,000 richer. You only need evidence for two or three calls after you ask them to place you on theis do not call list.
posted by jeffburdges at 7:50 AM on October 13, 2006
UbuRoivas, If you can get a telemarketer to harass you, you'll be $10,000 richer. You only need evidence for two or three calls after you ask them to place you on theis do not call list.
posted by jeffburdges at 7:50 AM on October 13, 2006
I think some folks just enjoy a nice safe rage.
It's true that the national do not call list doesn't stop charity and political calls and such. Still, it stopped a LOT of superfluous calls for me. When I do get an occasional call from someone who should be covered by the national do not call list and tell them I'm on it, they apologize, promise to correct their records so I won't be bothered again, and hang up.
I have found that my credit card companies, the phone company, and the charity callers all have do not call lists of their own. I just say, "please put me on your do not call list," and that works.
Still, there's nothing one can do about computer-generated, pre-recorded calls, especially in the election season. I've had such calls from the Governor, Attorney General...but, the one I saved was in 2004 from Bill Clinton!
posted by taosbat at 7:58 AM on October 13, 2006
It's true that the national do not call list doesn't stop charity and political calls and such. Still, it stopped a LOT of superfluous calls for me. When I do get an occasional call from someone who should be covered by the national do not call list and tell them I'm on it, they apologize, promise to correct their records so I won't be bothered again, and hang up.
I have found that my credit card companies, the phone company, and the charity callers all have do not call lists of their own. I just say, "please put me on your do not call list," and that works.
Still, there's nothing one can do about computer-generated, pre-recorded calls, especially in the election season. I've had such calls from the Governor, Attorney General...but, the one I saved was in 2004 from Bill Clinton!
posted by taosbat at 7:58 AM on October 13, 2006
Ynoxas: Thanks, and I'll do that.
posted by unrepentanthippie at 8:10 AM on October 13, 2006
posted by unrepentanthippie at 8:10 AM on October 13, 2006
I know they're annoying. I know they often call at inopportune times. But how hard is it to be polite? To simply say "No thank you, I'm not interested." It takes 10 seconds, far shorter than the length of time most of these 'ingenious' anti-telemarketer pranks take to do, and takes next to no energy. Be polite.
The problem is that it rarely takes 10 seconds, unless you happen to be standing right next to the phone when it rings. More often than not, you are doing something, and a call will break the flow of whatever you are doing or wake you up, make you go to/find the phone, etc. Add in that sometimes telemarketers pretend to be someone you might want/need to take a call from (like your credit card company or phone company etc) and you are rarely hitting the 10 second mark.
At one point, before the do not call list, my phone was getting, at minimum, ten telemarketer calls every weekday. And of course they were not spread evenly throughout the day but mostly concentrated between 6pm-9pm. So yeah, it was fairly disruptive.
And still, I tried to be polite/quick most of the time with a "no thanks" and hangup. But then you have the person who wakes you up at 8am on a Saturday. Or who pretends to be a friend of your spouse, then makes veiled threats. Or who starts yelling at you and calls you an idiot for not seeing what a great deal they are offering. You just hang up, but it usually takes more than 10 seconds to mentally process it all, move on, and get back into whatever you were doing.
I got so used to it that it wasn't until after I moved and got a new phone number that I realized how much better off I was.
And not to drag out the email spam comparison even more, but how hard is it to delete a couple of obviously bogus emails a day? I don't see why anyone complains about it at all.
posted by mikepop at 9:03 AM on October 13, 2006
The problem is that it rarely takes 10 seconds, unless you happen to be standing right next to the phone when it rings. More often than not, you are doing something, and a call will break the flow of whatever you are doing or wake you up, make you go to/find the phone, etc. Add in that sometimes telemarketers pretend to be someone you might want/need to take a call from (like your credit card company or phone company etc) and you are rarely hitting the 10 second mark.
At one point, before the do not call list, my phone was getting, at minimum, ten telemarketer calls every weekday. And of course they were not spread evenly throughout the day but mostly concentrated between 6pm-9pm. So yeah, it was fairly disruptive.
And still, I tried to be polite/quick most of the time with a "no thanks" and hangup. But then you have the person who wakes you up at 8am on a Saturday. Or who pretends to be a friend of your spouse, then makes veiled threats. Or who starts yelling at you and calls you an idiot for not seeing what a great deal they are offering. You just hang up, but it usually takes more than 10 seconds to mentally process it all, move on, and get back into whatever you were doing.
I got so used to it that it wasn't until after I moved and got a new phone number that I realized how much better off I was.
And not to drag out the email spam comparison even more, but how hard is it to delete a couple of obviously bogus emails a day? I don't see why anyone complains about it at all.
posted by mikepop at 9:03 AM on October 13, 2006
Back last millenium, when I still had a land-line, I started getting these meta-telemarketing calls:
me: "Hello?"
them: "Hello, is [myname] there?"
me: "That's me."
them: *click*
or
me: "Hello, this is [myname]."
them: *click*
It happened once or twice a day over a few weeks' period. I couldn't even tell them to stop calling me, because by the time I knew it was them, they'd hung up. I figured they were mapping out the times when I'd be home, then selling that data to actual telemarketing companies.
Also, I stab people and take their money. I hate my job, but I have a cat to feed, so be nice to me. (Some things are not ethical, no matter how badly you need the money.)
posted by LordSludge at 9:05 AM on October 13, 2006
me: "Hello?"
them: "Hello, is [myname] there?"
me: "That's me."
them: *click*
or
me: "Hello, this is [myname]."
them: *click*
It happened once or twice a day over a few weeks' period. I couldn't even tell them to stop calling me, because by the time I knew it was them, they'd hung up. I figured they were mapping out the times when I'd be home, then selling that data to actual telemarketing companies.
Also, I stab people and take their money. I hate my job, but I have a cat to feed, so be nice to me. (Some things are not ethical, no matter how badly you need the money.)
posted by LordSludge at 9:05 AM on October 13, 2006
If you equate bodily harm to slight inconvenience, well, there's not a whole lot to say.
That's why I burglarize their homes. Its only a slight inconvenience since I only take a few things.
posted by Bort at 9:45 AM on October 13, 2006
That's why I burglarize their homes. Its only a slight inconvenience since I only take a few things.
posted by Bort at 9:45 AM on October 13, 2006
I don't get all this rage toward telemarketers. Well, I kinda get the rage, but why does anybody actually talk to them? I'm on the Do Not Call List but non-profits still call me. I just let the answering machine screen the calls and I don't pick up the phone until I hear who's calling. 99% of the time, telemarketers can't be bothered to leave a message, so I don't even have to erase any phone-spam.
Is the problem that you can't do something like this on a cell phone? I thought most current cell phones have fancy caller ID functions or other ways of letting you know if you want to answer a particular call (my cell phone is a fossil and I rarely use it, so I'm clueless here). Why on earth would you answer a call that looks like it's from a telemarketer?
Maybe telemarketers really do provide a useful excuse to blow off some safe rage.
posted by Quietgal at 9:53 AM on October 13, 2006
Is the problem that you can't do something like this on a cell phone? I thought most current cell phones have fancy caller ID functions or other ways of letting you know if you want to answer a particular call (my cell phone is a fossil and I rarely use it, so I'm clueless here). Why on earth would you answer a call that looks like it's from a telemarketer?
Maybe telemarketers really do provide a useful excuse to blow off some safe rage.
posted by Quietgal at 9:53 AM on October 13, 2006
Wow, some poor guy with a ridiculously lousy job gets the business from some other guy with nothing better to do than lay traps for telemarketers. Har har har. Hey, I remember doing this in seventh grade! I remember saying "ass"!
I love the level of fuck-the-world outrage over having to answer your phone while eating dinner. Is this the worst thing that ever happened to you? And if so, can you tell me your secret? Is it not having Caller ID? Because since I got it, I've never once had to deal with a telemarketer. I guess I'm missing out. Maybe I need a couple of smarmy assholes to provide me with a laugh track.
posted by Skot at 9:53 AM on October 13, 2006
I love the level of fuck-the-world outrage over having to answer your phone while eating dinner. Is this the worst thing that ever happened to you? And if so, can you tell me your secret? Is it not having Caller ID? Because since I got it, I've never once had to deal with a telemarketer. I guess I'm missing out. Maybe I need a couple of smarmy assholes to provide me with a laugh track.
posted by Skot at 9:53 AM on October 13, 2006
When I had a landline I got so sick of telemarketers that I would more often than not refuse to drop what I was doing to answer a phone call. I can't even recall a time when someone has called me and absolutely required my urgent assistance, so it's no big deal. If it's important, someone will leave a message.
That doesn't change the reality that telemarketers are a lot like the people who get paid to send you spam from their home PCs. Sure, they're not running the operation, they're only transmitting the message -- but they're still royal pains in the ass in that they've hugely reduced the pleasantness and usefulness of the medium of communication they employ.
If they call me on my mobile, though, I will be rude and insulting.
posted by clevershark at 10:11 AM on October 13, 2006
That doesn't change the reality that telemarketers are a lot like the people who get paid to send you spam from their home PCs. Sure, they're not running the operation, they're only transmitting the message -- but they're still royal pains in the ass in that they've hugely reduced the pleasantness and usefulness of the medium of communication they employ.
If they call me on my mobile, though, I will be rude and insulting.
posted by clevershark at 10:11 AM on October 13, 2006
As a former telemarketer, I can assure you that even when the calls follow the script, it is still an entirely shitty job.
And in no small respect, the rudest, craziest people are the best calls, because it gives the poor schmucks stuck in the worst job in the world something to shoot the shit about on their cigarette break.
And quit whining about the gay joke. That guy was so hook, line and sinker that who with a sense of humor could resist testing the boundaries of his gullibility?
Keep giving telemarketers stories to tell their friends. You weren't going to buy anything anyway.
posted by Darth Fedor at 10:21 AM on October 13, 2006
And in no small respect, the rudest, craziest people are the best calls, because it gives the poor schmucks stuck in the worst job in the world something to shoot the shit about on their cigarette break.
And quit whining about the gay joke. That guy was so hook, line and sinker that who with a sense of humor could resist testing the boundaries of his gullibility?
Keep giving telemarketers stories to tell their friends. You weren't going to buy anything anyway.
posted by Darth Fedor at 10:21 AM on October 13, 2006
Some telemarketers will take advantage of the politeness. F’rinstance: “Hello, Mr.X?” “Yes, I’m on the no-call list. No, thank you.” “Ok, Mr. X. I’ll take you off our list, in the meantime, have you thought about blah blah blah?” “Again, no, thanks. I’m eating dinner with my family.” “Ok, Mr.X I just need a few more details to place you on our do not call list.”
etc. - until I hang up.
Then 3-8 days later - exact same time of day.
“Hello, Mr.X?” etc. Same spiel.
One time, same company that had called me, I tried to interrupt the guy. I told him to stop calling and that I had complained to the DNC registry. And I got his name (he didn’t give it at first) and his location, and said I’d complain but the guy kept on going and talking over me so I said “Shut the fuck up.”
And he got offended of course. And I said “Look, pal, YOU called MY home. If I call you at home, you can tell me to fuck off.”
But telemarketers, in my experiance, have gotten more rude and aggressive as time has gone on. I’m always as polite as someone is to me. Used to be typical that I’d say “No, thanks.” and I’d get a “Well, thank you for your time. Please consider product ‘X’ in the future.” No problem.
But hat anonymity on the phone is what is causing the rudeness. Someone stops me in the street or worse comes into my home and buttonholes me trying to sell me something and tells me I’m an asshole for brushing them off, I’m going to be scraping bits of them out of my boot treads a while after.
That’s the difference. They know who we are, know our home phone numbers, have names, etc. We know nothing about them, so they feel they are in a position of power and customers get treated accordingly.
Many people disregard common politeness when they feel they are in a more powerful position.
That “human being” thing swings both ways. But often, for telemarketers, it doesn't.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:14 AM on October 13, 2006
etc. - until I hang up.
Then 3-8 days later - exact same time of day.
“Hello, Mr.X?” etc. Same spiel.
One time, same company that had called me, I tried to interrupt the guy. I told him to stop calling and that I had complained to the DNC registry. And I got his name (he didn’t give it at first) and his location, and said I’d complain but the guy kept on going and talking over me so I said “Shut the fuck up.”
And he got offended of course. And I said “Look, pal, YOU called MY home. If I call you at home, you can tell me to fuck off.”
But telemarketers, in my experiance, have gotten more rude and aggressive as time has gone on. I’m always as polite as someone is to me. Used to be typical that I’d say “No, thanks.” and I’d get a “Well, thank you for your time. Please consider product ‘X’ in the future.” No problem.
But hat anonymity on the phone is what is causing the rudeness. Someone stops me in the street or worse comes into my home and buttonholes me trying to sell me something and tells me I’m an asshole for brushing them off, I’m going to be scraping bits of them out of my boot treads a while after.
That’s the difference. They know who we are, know our home phone numbers, have names, etc. We know nothing about them, so they feel they are in a position of power and customers get treated accordingly.
Many people disregard common politeness when they feel they are in a more powerful position.
That “human being” thing swings both ways. But often, for telemarketers, it doesn't.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:14 AM on October 13, 2006
This is the funniest answer to a telemarketer I've heard since Seinfeld. Wish I had thought of it!
posted by FilmJulie at 11:28 AM on October 13, 2006
posted by FilmJulie at 11:28 AM on October 13, 2006
I was a telemarketer for 3 years. It paid for college and I did my homework between calls. I made a shitload of money and sold a shitload of stuff. I loved when this type of thing would happen because, as mentioned, it made for great conversation.
The attitudes in this thread are precisely what enabled me to be an asshole on the phone during my tenure.
That said, a telemarketing company is one of the most fascinating places to work, honestly. I'm surprised there hasn't been some kind of major, edgy documentary on the subject.
posted by dead_ at 11:32 AM on October 13, 2006
The attitudes in this thread are precisely what enabled me to be an asshole on the phone during my tenure.
That said, a telemarketing company is one of the most fascinating places to work, honestly. I'm surprised there hasn't been some kind of major, edgy documentary on the subject.
posted by dead_ at 11:32 AM on October 13, 2006
Skot: Is it not having Caller ID? Because since I got it, I've never once had to deal with a telemarketer.
Approaching the limits of topicality, but why should I have to fork over $n / month to the phone company for the privilege of seeing who is on the other line? Seems like this should be a free service--it's no extra work on their part to provide the information anyway. I already have to pay them to keep my number off the books, which is also a load of crap I might add. Now I need to pay them even more so that I can [sometimes] detect when my number comes up on an automated dialer's list? and, no, you didn't really ask for this rant, but it is one I enjoy making as the whole thing pisses me off to no end.I really want to know how to lay my hands on what Skorgu has.
posted by Fezboy! at 11:35 AM on October 13, 2006
Approaching the limits of topicality, but why should I have to fork over $n / month to the phone company for the privilege of seeing who is on the other line? Seems like this should be a free service--it's no extra work on their part to provide the information anyway. I already have to pay them to keep my number off the books, which is also a load of crap I might add. Now I need to pay them even more so that I can [sometimes] detect when my number comes up on an automated dialer's list? and, no, you didn't really ask for this rant, but it is one I enjoy making as the whole thing pisses me off to no end.I really want to know how to lay my hands on what Skorgu has.
posted by Fezboy! at 11:35 AM on October 13, 2006
A) As a former tele-worker, I encourage giving shit to people that you want nothing from. Telemarketing/telesales are jobs that you do to get by... We aren't here to make your shitty job more enjoyable... I have no problem with people calling me up, as long as they have no problem with whatever shit I give them. I still remember some calls from my college/tele days...
Anyone doing this as a career is ACTUAL scum-of-the-earth... I've worked on commission before, at Radio Shack... I felt like scum selling their shit, and at least the buyers walked away with something in their hands... After several months of being the top seller in my region, I suddenly dropped sales, and was the loss-leader for my region. I'd price-match wal-mart crap (RS doesn't/didn't pricematch), return things well after the 30 days mark, do no-receipt-exchanges... Rather than quit, I spent two months trying to rebuild my karma.... I made minimum wage rather than the $20/hour I had been making... but I walked out with a smile on my face.
B) Don't be an ass to people you actually want something from. I switched from tele-sales to Technical Support after 6 months.... The people calling in were way more rude and abusive than the people I had been cold-calling, and they expected me to go beyond what was required to get their problem fixed. I can understand why people are pissed, but you must also understand that while Tele-Sales are trying to scam you out of your money, Incoming-Support is there to keep you as a customer, as long as you are worth it. We don't want customers that call in and waste an hour of time every two weeks... we lose money on you, and want you to cancel so we can get your $200 cancelation fee. OTOH, the people who are patient, explain their problem, and suggest a reasonable solution are the good customers. An hour-long call at an in-opportune time (such as right before closing time) will screw with call statistics, and could cost a call center hundreds-to-thousands of dollars because of their contract with the actual company.
If you call in 5 minutes before close, spend 40 minutes bitching, and expect someone to offer you a free phone otherwise you're going to cancel, well, I can tell you where to stick your phone. If you skip the 40 minutes of bitching and get to the point, well, there might be a $20 customer-retention bonus along with that replacement phone.
P.S. Thank GOD I don't have to do Tele-ANYTHING ever again.
posted by hatsix at 11:46 AM on October 13, 2006
Anyone doing this as a career is ACTUAL scum-of-the-earth... I've worked on commission before, at Radio Shack... I felt like scum selling their shit, and at least the buyers walked away with something in their hands... After several months of being the top seller in my region, I suddenly dropped sales, and was the loss-leader for my region. I'd price-match wal-mart crap (RS doesn't/didn't pricematch), return things well after the 30 days mark, do no-receipt-exchanges... Rather than quit, I spent two months trying to rebuild my karma.... I made minimum wage rather than the $20/hour I had been making... but I walked out with a smile on my face.
B) Don't be an ass to people you actually want something from. I switched from tele-sales to Technical Support after 6 months.... The people calling in were way more rude and abusive than the people I had been cold-calling, and they expected me to go beyond what was required to get their problem fixed. I can understand why people are pissed, but you must also understand that while Tele-Sales are trying to scam you out of your money, Incoming-Support is there to keep you as a customer, as long as you are worth it. We don't want customers that call in and waste an hour of time every two weeks... we lose money on you, and want you to cancel so we can get your $200 cancelation fee. OTOH, the people who are patient, explain their problem, and suggest a reasonable solution are the good customers. An hour-long call at an in-opportune time (such as right before closing time) will screw with call statistics, and could cost a call center hundreds-to-thousands of dollars because of their contract with the actual company.
If you call in 5 minutes before close, spend 40 minutes bitching, and expect someone to offer you a free phone otherwise you're going to cancel, well, I can tell you where to stick your phone. If you skip the 40 minutes of bitching and get to the point, well, there might be a $20 customer-retention bonus along with that replacement phone.
P.S. Thank GOD I don't have to do Tele-ANYTHING ever again.
posted by hatsix at 11:46 AM on October 13, 2006
Approaching the limits of topicality, but why should I have to fork over $n / month to the phone company for the privilege of seeing who is on the other line? Seems like this should be a free service--it's no extra work on their part to provide the information anyway.
I'd have to check my phone plan to be sure--which I am surely too terrifically lazy to do--but I'm almost positive that it is free for me. I'm remembering when I signed up that I got to pick three free services as part of the plan. I seem to recall being beyond caring after picking voicemail and caller ID, and then helplessly selecting, like, conference calling, or some other thing I'll never use.
Anyway, I can hardly complain about a rant when I just got done with one. Carry on!
posted by Skot at 11:50 AM on October 13, 2006
I'd have to check my phone plan to be sure--which I am surely too terrifically lazy to do--but I'm almost positive that it is free for me. I'm remembering when I signed up that I got to pick three free services as part of the plan. I seem to recall being beyond caring after picking voicemail and caller ID, and then helplessly selecting, like, conference calling, or some other thing I'll never use.
Anyway, I can hardly complain about a rant when I just got done with one. Carry on!
posted by Skot at 11:50 AM on October 13, 2006
Nice recording of Clinton--he doesn't sound terribly enthusiastic, especially about "adequate homeland security".
Also nice that peeople other than me think it's bonkers for the phone company to charge you for _not_ publishing your phone number.
posted by aerotive at 12:43 PM on October 13, 2006
Also nice that peeople other than me think it's bonkers for the phone company to charge you for _not_ publishing your phone number.
posted by aerotive at 12:43 PM on October 13, 2006
Effigy2000, I think I know you through a blog you use to have. I don't want to give too many details here as I don't want air anything you don't want outed. Maybe you could contact me and I can confirm/deny my assumptions? My email is in my profile.
posted by nadawi at 2:03 PM on October 13, 2006
posted by nadawi at 2:03 PM on October 13, 2006
Effigy2000 said it much better than I could have, but I'll throw my hat in the ring as well.
I was a telemarketer for about a year and a half. I hate being called by ANYONE, let alone telemarketers, but somehow I don't let the insufferable burden of picking up a phone and then hanging it up a short moment later ruin my day. Chalk it up to inner peace I guess.
The year is 1999, I'm 17, I've got greasy hair, beat up JNCO jeans and a ripped KMFDM t-shirt, sitting at what looks like a cafeteria lunch table, with a kitchen phone and I'm being paid $7 an hour to be your personal boogieman. It beats making pizzas.
No I don't realize that you're eating dinner, because it's 8pm and I'm sitting in a fucking trailer out in the middle of nowhere NOT eating dinner. The law says 9PM, so don't try and rattle me.
If anything, being a telemarketer made me dislike people even more, not because of them being rude or cursing. (That I can deal with easily: I don't give a fuck, I'm at work.) but because for the most part, their lives are so void of expression and outlet that I'M the best they can do. People without the balls to stand up to their boss/girlfriend/mom/etc. screaming bloody murder at some underpaid dork who dared stick my telephone pin into their membrane of unrequited aggression.
You know how many times I heard that tired Seinfeld joke? Is this as far as your sense of witticism goes? Are you going to tell your pals later how you 'totally stuck it to this jerk telemarketer'? Did they laugh? I pity you.
Here's a secret, we hate you too. We hate our job, and we hate that we have to call you to make money. We KNOW we're inconvencing you. It makes us feel good. And when you do buy something, it makes us feel even better. Sucker.
So please, get angry. Scream, curse, berate, tell me what I can do to myself or what you've done to my mother. Slam the phone down and let that consoling voice that keeps you from crying yourself to sleep each night tell you that you're making a difference.
By the way, we have your name and phone number, and we know where you live.
Thank You For Your Time and Have A Nice Day!
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 2:04 PM on October 13, 2006
I was a telemarketer for about a year and a half. I hate being called by ANYONE, let alone telemarketers, but somehow I don't let the insufferable burden of picking up a phone and then hanging it up a short moment later ruin my day. Chalk it up to inner peace I guess.
The year is 1999, I'm 17, I've got greasy hair, beat up JNCO jeans and a ripped KMFDM t-shirt, sitting at what looks like a cafeteria lunch table, with a kitchen phone and I'm being paid $7 an hour to be your personal boogieman. It beats making pizzas.
No I don't realize that you're eating dinner, because it's 8pm and I'm sitting in a fucking trailer out in the middle of nowhere NOT eating dinner. The law says 9PM, so don't try and rattle me.
If anything, being a telemarketer made me dislike people even more, not because of them being rude or cursing. (That I can deal with easily: I don't give a fuck, I'm at work.) but because for the most part, their lives are so void of expression and outlet that I'M the best they can do. People without the balls to stand up to their boss/girlfriend/mom/etc. screaming bloody murder at some underpaid dork who dared stick my telephone pin into their membrane of unrequited aggression.
You know how many times I heard that tired Seinfeld joke? Is this as far as your sense of witticism goes? Are you going to tell your pals later how you 'totally stuck it to this jerk telemarketer'? Did they laugh? I pity you.
Here's a secret, we hate you too. We hate our job, and we hate that we have to call you to make money. We KNOW we're inconvencing you. It makes us feel good. And when you do buy something, it makes us feel even better. Sucker.
So please, get angry. Scream, curse, berate, tell me what I can do to myself or what you've done to my mother. Slam the phone down and let that consoling voice that keeps you from crying yourself to sleep each night tell you that you're making a difference.
By the way, we have your name and phone number, and we know where you live.
Thank You For Your Time and Have A Nice Day!
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 2:04 PM on October 13, 2006
"this telemarkerter, at least, won't let you fuck with him. Any silly shit, I hang up the phone. You're wasting my time and yours. I average over 100 calls in a usual three hour shift. I don't have time to waste on you."
That's why, as an EXPERT at fucking with telemarketers, I tend to go along with their script for a while, and then slowly change the subject, get off topic, etc. If I can make a telemarketer or surveyor think they'll get a sale or a 'complete' and then dash those hopes, then I know I've done my duty to them.
posted by Sukiari at 2:09 PM on October 13, 2006
That's why, as an EXPERT at fucking with telemarketers, I tend to go along with their script for a while, and then slowly change the subject, get off topic, etc. If I can make a telemarketer or surveyor think they'll get a sale or a 'complete' and then dash those hopes, then I know I've done my duty to them.
posted by Sukiari at 2:09 PM on October 13, 2006
Smedleyman writes "Some telemarketers will take advantage of the politeness. F’rinstance: “Hello, Mr.X?” “Yes, I’m on the no-call list. No, thank you.” “Ok, Mr. X. I’ll take you off our list, in the meantime, have you thought about blah blah blah?”"
I was under the impression that this was illegal? At the telemarketing firm where I worked (and my father runs), if you didn't immediately end a call after being asked to take that number off your list you'd be fired on the spot. All the calls were recorded and if the non-profit organization we represented requested it, or if the state attorney general's office requested it, the tape of that call had to be provided. We were also required to disclose the percentage of a contributor's money that went to the actual operations of the non-profit we represented (10-15% usually). These two statements--"What percent goes to the organization?" or "Take me off your list"--were the only two things that would keep me from making one and usually two rebuttals. Though I once managed to complete a sale after being asked the dreaded percentage question--an accomplishment tantamount to pitching a perfect game, except evil.
posted by mullacc at 2:31 PM on October 13, 2006
I was under the impression that this was illegal? At the telemarketing firm where I worked (and my father runs), if you didn't immediately end a call after being asked to take that number off your list you'd be fired on the spot. All the calls were recorded and if the non-profit organization we represented requested it, or if the state attorney general's office requested it, the tape of that call had to be provided. We were also required to disclose the percentage of a contributor's money that went to the actual operations of the non-profit we represented (10-15% usually). These two statements--"What percent goes to the organization?" or "Take me off your list"--were the only two things that would keep me from making one and usually two rebuttals. Though I once managed to complete a sale after being asked the dreaded percentage question--an accomplishment tantamount to pitching a perfect game, except evil.
posted by mullacc at 2:31 PM on October 13, 2006
I taught my 3 year old to yell "We don't want any No, NO, NO!"
Then I got on the Do Not Call list and still get calls.
All bets are off now when one of these bozos calls.
I have a really loud horn that I blow sometimes.
Occassionally I like to pretend that the person that makes the decisions in my house is in the other room. I relay every sentence the teleannoyer says, word for word to the imaginary decision maker. They usually tire of this after a couple of mins.
I also use the Seinfeld trick which is to tell them I'm busy and ask for their home number so I can call them back later.
Wah, wah poor telemarketers....
posted by HyperBlue at 3:01 PM on October 13, 2006
Then I got on the Do Not Call list and still get calls.
All bets are off now when one of these bozos calls.
I have a really loud horn that I blow sometimes.
Occassionally I like to pretend that the person that makes the decisions in my house is in the other room. I relay every sentence the teleannoyer says, word for word to the imaginary decision maker. They usually tire of this after a couple of mins.
I also use the Seinfeld trick which is to tell them I'm busy and ask for their home number so I can call them back later.
Wah, wah poor telemarketers....
posted by HyperBlue at 3:01 PM on October 13, 2006
I taught my 3 year old to yell "We don't want any No, NO, NO!"
I hate these people even more than telemarketers. Whenever I try to call you for a legit reason, I have to deal with deafening baby shrieks, and it's not like I can ask the baby to pass the phone to you so I can give you the information you're waiting for.
posted by booksandlibretti at 3:29 PM on October 13, 2006
I hate these people even more than telemarketers. Whenever I try to call you for a legit reason, I have to deal with deafening baby shrieks, and it's not like I can ask the baby to pass the phone to you so I can give you the information you're waiting for.
posted by booksandlibretti at 3:29 PM on October 13, 2006
I pretend to not understand english very well and make them repeat stuff a lot. Or I misunderstand things like crazy:
"'I-den-tah-tee feft'? They have the wish of stealing my FACE? Oh this is a thing of terribleness! A razor they will use? This protection you offer is a mask of some sort?"
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 3:41 PM on October 13, 2006
"'I-den-tah-tee feft'? They have the wish of stealing my FACE? Oh this is a thing of terribleness! A razor they will use? This protection you offer is a mask of some sort?"
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 3:41 PM on October 13, 2006
Whenever I try to call you for a legit reason
*laughs*
posted by mediareport at 6:56 PM on October 13, 2006
*laughs*
posted by mediareport at 6:56 PM on October 13, 2006
Whenever I try to call you for a legit reason
*laughs*
I hadn't commented on this thread before and am not a telemarketer. My summer job involved making some outgoing calls -- e.g., "We'd like to give you the contact info of the staff member who will be picking your child up at the airport." Never cold-calling, never selling or soliciting anything. But three-year-olds, even those allowed to answer phones, didn't recognize that their mom/dad really would want to hear from us.
posted by booksandlibretti at 7:04 PM on October 13, 2006
*laughs*
I hadn't commented on this thread before and am not a telemarketer. My summer job involved making some outgoing calls -- e.g., "We'd like to give you the contact info of the staff member who will be picking your child up at the airport." Never cold-calling, never selling or soliciting anything. But three-year-olds, even those allowed to answer phones, didn't recognize that their mom/dad really would want to hear from us.
posted by booksandlibretti at 7:04 PM on October 13, 2006
Sukiari, you're still wasting my time. If you don't want to hear it, SAY NO! HANG UP! DO ANYTHING BUT DON'T SCREW WITH ME, PLEASE!
I'm only working this job, despite it all, because I actually like the job itself. Awesome bosses, cool co-workers, free pizza many Sundays, and that we're selling a decent product.
Whether you like me or not, I'm a human being. If you don't want to hear me talk to you, you can either hang up, say "Please take me off your list", or not pick up.
Fuck you, Sukiari. I'm trying to pay for my education. Don't waste my time and I won't waste yours.
posted by SansPoint at 7:40 PM on October 13, 2006
I'm only working this job, despite it all, because I actually like the job itself. Awesome bosses, cool co-workers, free pizza many Sundays, and that we're selling a decent product.
Whether you like me or not, I'm a human being. If you don't want to hear me talk to you, you can either hang up, say "Please take me off your list", or not pick up.
Fuck you, Sukiari. I'm trying to pay for my education. Don't waste my time and I won't waste yours.
posted by SansPoint at 7:40 PM on October 13, 2006
My philosophy is: Just because it rings, that doesn't mean you have to pick it up.
posted by bigbigdog at 8:35 PM on October 13, 2006
posted by bigbigdog at 8:35 PM on October 13, 2006
SansPoint:
If I'm reading you right, you're basically saying "Look, when I do my job, it may piss you off, but I'm a human being, so please be polite and don't piss me off."
posted by Bugbread at 9:19 PM on October 13, 2006
If I'm reading you right, you're basically saying "Look, when I do my job, it may piss you off, but I'm a human being, so please be polite and don't piss me off."
posted by Bugbread at 9:19 PM on October 13, 2006
The glib way you pricks are discussing messing with someone trying to earn food and shelter is absolutely disgusting. No one but no one is a telemarketer by choice. I'm aware that this thread has grown to triple digits and that my point has been made and been made better by the previous posters.
But I used to do this shit for a living myself. And my blood still boils when I hear smug sons of bitches go on about how they made someone's rough night rougher.
Fuck the lot of you.
posted by EatTheWeek at 10:13 PM on October 13, 2006
But I used to do this shit for a living myself. And my blood still boils when I hear smug sons of bitches go on about how they made someone's rough night rougher.
Fuck the lot of you.
posted by EatTheWeek at 10:13 PM on October 13, 2006
messing with someone trying to earn food and shelter
Dude, try working from home in a job that requires you to use the phone a lot. Get the irony now?
FUCK telemarketers. ALL of them. Anyone who takes that kind of job is an idiot.
posted by mediareport at 10:16 PM on October 13, 2006
Dude, try working from home in a job that requires you to use the phone a lot. Get the irony now?
FUCK telemarketers. ALL of them. Anyone who takes that kind of job is an idiot.
posted by mediareport at 10:16 PM on October 13, 2006
Fuck the lot of you.
Exactly.
Can I interest you in a knife-in-the-leg?
posted by LordSludge at 10:57 PM on October 13, 2006
Exactly.
Can I interest you in a knife-in-the-leg?
posted by LordSludge at 10:57 PM on October 13, 2006
bugbread, I'm saying that if you don't want to talk to a telemarker like me, then just hang up or say no. I know I'm inconveniencing you, but I still have a job to do. I don't like it any more than you do. Let me do my job - JUST SAY "NO THANKS!"
posted by SansPoint at 12:16 AM on October 14, 2006
posted by SansPoint at 12:16 AM on October 14, 2006
Saying "NO THANKS" doesn't work. You all still keep calling.
posted by sourwookie at 12:33 AM on October 14, 2006
posted by sourwookie at 12:33 AM on October 14, 2006
sourwookie: Who is "you"? For me, and who I work for, when you say, "No Thanks", you're down as a refusal. I move on. You won't get any more calls from me. You can asked to be removed from lists, too. Any orgnization that refuses to do so can be subject legal action.
posted by SansPoint at 2:24 AM on October 14, 2006
posted by SansPoint at 2:24 AM on October 14, 2006
EatTheWeak writes "No one but no one is a telemarketer by choice."
White slavery is alive and kicking in, of all places, the telemarketing field?
SansPoint writes "bugbread, I'm saying that if you don't want to talk to a telemarker like me, then just hang up or say no."
First off, I live in a country without telemarketers (or, close enough to "without"...there is no such thing as a "no call list", but I've only received two telemarketing calls in the last year), so I'm not so much arguing from my current position.
But from my past position, my issue wasn't that I didn't want to talk to telemarketers. It's that I didn't want to be called by telemarketers. Hanging up and saying no are both things that happen after the fact, and neither prevents one from getting that call.
SansPoint writes "I know I'm inconveniencing you, but I still have a job to do. I don't like it any more than you do."
Well, you are in a bit of an unusual telemarketing job (the theater one), so in your case I wouldn't be all that annoyed in the first place. If I were a theater guy and I got a theater related telemarketing call, I probably wouldn't be as annoyed as by the generic "aluminum siding for your house!" calls. But for general telemarketers: if general telemarketers really disliked calling as much as people dislike getting calls, then they'd quit. Perhaps that's part of the goal of people who fuck with telemarketers (note: I never messed with em, I just said "No, thank you" and hung up quickly), which is to annoy them to the point that they really do dislike annoying people as much as those people dislike being annoyed, and therefore quit to get one of the other plentiful, degrading, low paying jobs that don't piss people off, like working in fast food or as a janitor.
posted by Bugbread at 2:54 AM on October 14, 2006
White slavery is alive and kicking in, of all places, the telemarketing field?
SansPoint writes "bugbread, I'm saying that if you don't want to talk to a telemarker like me, then just hang up or say no."
First off, I live in a country without telemarketers (or, close enough to "without"...there is no such thing as a "no call list", but I've only received two telemarketing calls in the last year), so I'm not so much arguing from my current position.
But from my past position, my issue wasn't that I didn't want to talk to telemarketers. It's that I didn't want to be called by telemarketers. Hanging up and saying no are both things that happen after the fact, and neither prevents one from getting that call.
SansPoint writes "I know I'm inconveniencing you, but I still have a job to do. I don't like it any more than you do."
Well, you are in a bit of an unusual telemarketing job (the theater one), so in your case I wouldn't be all that annoyed in the first place. If I were a theater guy and I got a theater related telemarketing call, I probably wouldn't be as annoyed as by the generic "aluminum siding for your house!" calls. But for general telemarketers: if general telemarketers really disliked calling as much as people dislike getting calls, then they'd quit. Perhaps that's part of the goal of people who fuck with telemarketers (note: I never messed with em, I just said "No, thank you" and hung up quickly), which is to annoy them to the point that they really do dislike annoying people as much as those people dislike being annoyed, and therefore quit to get one of the other plentiful, degrading, low paying jobs that don't piss people off, like working in fast food or as a janitor.
posted by Bugbread at 2:54 AM on October 14, 2006
The only damage I get from telemarketing now is that my parents often don't answer the phone unless I email them in advance indicating that I'll call: since I live overseas, calls to my parents show up as "No Listed Number", which is also what telemarketing calls show up as, so unless they're expecting the call, they assume it's a telemarketer.
So I guess my Fuck You is different from other people: Telemarketers (except for those working in unusual, non-cold-call scenarios, like SansPoint), fuck you for making people so annoyed by their telephones that they actually miss real telephone calls in their efforts to avoid you.
posted by Bugbread at 2:59 AM on October 14, 2006
So I guess my Fuck You is different from other people: Telemarketers (except for those working in unusual, non-cold-call scenarios, like SansPoint), fuck you for making people so annoyed by their telephones that they actually miss real telephone calls in their efforts to avoid you.
posted by Bugbread at 2:59 AM on October 14, 2006
Telemarketing is as if an email message could yell throughout your home, "Attention! Drop your knife and fork, stop talking to your loved ones, ignore the baby, forget what's on the stove, jump out of the shower, get up out of your chair, stop sleeping! Whatever you're doing, stop it and go and open you email now, right now, because someone has sent you a message that you have to open now! No, you can't wait, it might be important -- from a friend or relative or your work -- and the message will disintegrate in ten seconds if you don't get up and answer now! OK, are reading your mail now? Because I would like to talk to you about buying shoes. No, don't delete the message yet, these are really nice shoes and you'll never get another offer like this. We know you like shoes..."
Telemarketing is spamming in another medium, a medium designed for real-time communication, so telespam is worse than email spam because telespam interrupts you in real time, not when you're relaxing at the computer and paging through mail in batch mode.
Don't let the telespammers misdirect you. Everyone needs to make a living, but everyone needs to make moral choices about how they will earn that living. If you need money so badly that you're willing to work for a spoiler of peace and happiness and rest, at least tell us that you tried to get a job at an email spammer first so you could earn a relatively honest living.
posted by pracowity at 3:11 AM on October 14, 2006
Telemarketing is spamming in another medium, a medium designed for real-time communication, so telespam is worse than email spam because telespam interrupts you in real time, not when you're relaxing at the computer and paging through mail in batch mode.
Don't let the telespammers misdirect you. Everyone needs to make a living, but everyone needs to make moral choices about how they will earn that living. If you need money so badly that you're willing to work for a spoiler of peace and happiness and rest, at least tell us that you tried to get a job at an email spammer first so you could earn a relatively honest living.
posted by pracowity at 3:11 AM on October 14, 2006
You know, we' have solved this problem if the phone companies wern't monopolies. Just reject all anonymous calls with this message:
"Your anonymous call has been rejected. If you agree to possible penalty billing by the call recepiant, please press 1 and your call will be connected."
If you press 1 but the recepiant didn't like your call, they may call another number afterwards, and your account will be billed $10 ($5 for them & $5 for the phone company).
Nice neat solution. No more telemarketers.
And girls who get anonymous calls from stalkers can make some money on the deal.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:05 AM on October 14, 2006
"Your anonymous call has been rejected. If you agree to possible penalty billing by the call recepiant, please press 1 and your call will be connected."
If you press 1 but the recepiant didn't like your call, they may call another number afterwards, and your account will be billed $10 ($5 for them & $5 for the phone company).
Nice neat solution. No more telemarketers.
And girls who get anonymous calls from stalkers can make some money on the deal.
posted by jeffburdges at 5:05 AM on October 14, 2006
Everyone needs to make a living, but everyone needs to make moral choices about how they will earn that living.
Exactly. "I can make money off of it" is never an excuse for antisocial behavior.
posted by grouse at 6:32 AM on October 14, 2006
Exactly. "I can make money off of it" is never an excuse for antisocial behavior.
posted by grouse at 6:32 AM on October 14, 2006
that flash shit never works in my browser. if yer like me you can listen here: http://a1.vox.com/6a00c225203796f21900c2252ab8c18e1d-mp3
posted by quonsar at 9:13 AM on October 14, 2006
posted by quonsar at 9:13 AM on October 14, 2006
...but why does anybody actually talk to them? I just let the answering machine screen the calls and I don't pick up the phone until I hear who's calling. 99% of the time, telemarketers can't be bothered to leave a message, so I don't even have to erase any phone-spam.
Right on, QuietGal. I couldn't have said it better myself.
posted by Just Ask, Just Tell at 5:24 PM on October 15, 2006
Right on, QuietGal. I couldn't have said it better myself.
posted by Just Ask, Just Tell at 5:24 PM on October 15, 2006
« Older Turkish Star Trek - Now with Video | Minimalist Dark Sides Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by kbanas at 8:15 PM on October 12, 2006