Zombie Preparedness Initiative
February 2, 2007 10:28 PM Subscribe
I've been practicing for a while now. We'll be ready.
posted by jdfalk at 10:45 PM on February 2, 2007
posted by jdfalk at 10:45 PM on February 2, 2007
Especially avoid convertibles as they do not have the best safety record and are a particularly unsafe due to having only a layer of fabric between you and the undead hordes.
Definitely a solid piece of advice.
(A++++ WOULD CLICK AGAIN.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:14 PM on February 2, 2007
Definitely a solid piece of advice.
(A++++ WOULD CLICK AGAIN.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:14 PM on February 2, 2007
I think that he's right about weapons tradeoffs. The big problem with shotguns is coming up with reloads. This not being a Duke Nukem universe, I don't expect to find convenient boxes of shotgun shells all over the place, which is why I think that a length of steel pipe is probably the best choice, especially if each end can be sharpened with a slant cut.
Or maybe a naginata.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 11:19 PM on February 2, 2007
Or maybe a naginata.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 11:19 PM on February 2, 2007
Actually there are two more, Richard Daly. That I'm aware of.
posted by brundlefly at 11:36 PM on February 2, 2007
posted by brundlefly at 11:36 PM on February 2, 2007
lets not leave out zombiedefense.org which is much more fleshed out (and apparently endorsed by stephen hawking).
posted by zach4000 at 11:44 PM on February 2, 2007
posted by zach4000 at 11:44 PM on February 2, 2007
Zombies are kinda played out.
Ninjas are definitely played out.
Pirates: Played out.
Hoboes are the new thing, but soon to be played out.
After the Hoboes come the Dolphins. Global warming will destroy humanity as we know it, but will cause the dolphins to evolve at a rapid pace. They will rise up from the sea and soon take over.
The dolphins are not our friends, folks.
Goddamn this bottle of whisky.
posted by jefbla at 12:00 AM on February 3, 2007 [3 favorites]
Ninjas are definitely played out.
Pirates: Played out.
Hoboes are the new thing, but soon to be played out.
After the Hoboes come the Dolphins. Global warming will destroy humanity as we know it, but will cause the dolphins to evolve at a rapid pace. They will rise up from the sea and soon take over.
The dolphins are not our friends, folks.
Goddamn this bottle of whisky.
posted by jefbla at 12:00 AM on February 3, 2007 [3 favorites]
<pedant>I hate people who put up websites without even a basic run through the spell checker. Wrong word, sure, I can see that... but there's just no reason to misspell anything anymore.
I have nothing worthwhile to say, I was put off in the first paragraph after "iminant" and "aquired". I'm sure there's lots of cool stuff here... I just find spelling that bad more repellent than zombies.
I may get my face eaten off, but my spelling sensibilities will be intact.</pedant>
posted by Malor at 12:31 AM on February 3, 2007
I have nothing worthwhile to say, I was put off in the first paragraph after "iminant" and "aquired". I'm sure there's lots of cool stuff here... I just find spelling that bad more repellent than zombies.
I may get my face eaten off, but my spelling sensibilities will be intact.</pedant>
posted by Malor at 12:31 AM on February 3, 2007
Excellent! I love stuff like this. In fact, I've had this tome of essential knowledge on my shelf for some time. I keep it under nonfiction. People who come over and notice always point it out and laugh. But when the apocalypse comes, who'll be laughing then? Hey? WHO WILL BE LAUGHING THEN?
posted by Drunken_munky at 12:51 AM on February 3, 2007
posted by Drunken_munky at 12:51 AM on February 3, 2007
Obviously, the Suicide bomber approach is best.
Sacrifice for your friends and all that.
posted by Cyclopsis Raptor at 12:57 AM on February 3, 2007
Sacrifice for your friends and all that.
posted by Cyclopsis Raptor at 12:57 AM on February 3, 2007
The zombies don't read metafilter. They're obviously all on slashdot.
posted by tehloki at 1:54 AM on February 3, 2007
posted by tehloki at 1:54 AM on February 3, 2007
Malor: Yes, pedantic. But I wholeheartedly agree.
Someday I'm going to start a blog devoted entirely to pointing out sites where people use the word "defanitely" or "definately," or, god forbid, "defiantly."
But yeah, zombies rock, and I have a dictionary up my ass.
posted by hifiparasol at 2:07 AM on February 3, 2007
Someday I'm going to start a blog devoted entirely to pointing out sites where people use the word "defanitely" or "definately," or, god forbid, "defiantly."
But yeah, zombies rock, and I have a dictionary up my ass.
posted by hifiparasol at 2:07 AM on February 3, 2007
After the Hoboes come the Dolphins. Global warming will destroy humanity as we know it, but will cause the dolphins to evolve at a rapid pace. They will rise up from the sea and soon take over. The dolphins are not our friends, folks.
"Wait! Stop! We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget, we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole and the pudding cup. I'm not going to let a bunch of hoop-jumping tuna-munchers push me around!" - Homer Simpson
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 4:26 AM on February 3, 2007
"Wait! Stop! We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget, we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole and the pudding cup. I'm not going to let a bunch of hoop-jumping tuna-munchers push me around!" - Homer Simpson
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 4:26 AM on February 3, 2007
Amen, Jefbla!
Robots, zombies, pirates, ninjas, monkeys, hobos...give it a rest already.
posted by Ian A.T. at 5:08 AM on February 3, 2007
Robots, zombies, pirates, ninjas, monkeys, hobos...give it a rest already.
posted by Ian A.T. at 5:08 AM on February 3, 2007
The zombies are already in charge. Too fucking late.
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:23 AM on February 3, 2007
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:23 AM on February 3, 2007
Definately.
God, I hate that. I hate it like I hate "prolly" for probably, and "loose" instead of lose.
Even zombies spell better than that.
posted by bwg at 7:05 AM on February 3, 2007
God, I hate that. I hate it like I hate "prolly" for probably, and "loose" instead of lose.
Even zombies spell better than that.
posted by bwg at 7:05 AM on February 3, 2007
Zombies are kinda played out.
Ninjas are definitely played out.
Pirates: Played out.
I'm glad I live in a world where at least Mecha-Shiva isn't played out.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:16 AM on February 3, 2007
Ninjas are definitely played out.
Pirates: Played out.
I'm glad I live in a world where at least Mecha-Shiva isn't played out.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:16 AM on February 3, 2007
Convertibles worked out just fine for Charlton Heston in the Omega Man. Whippin' donuts, takin' out zombies*, and lookin' good.
*not REAL zombies
posted by kickback at 7:26 AM on February 3, 2007
*not REAL zombies
posted by kickback at 7:26 AM on February 3, 2007
A brilliant science PhD friend of mine's recently published his take on the science community's disregard of zombies.
In light of The Onion’s exposé on Pittsburgh’s lack of zombie preparedness,1 I decided that it would be prudent to review the primary literature on these undead abominations of science. Much to my chagrin, entering the search term zombie into Pubmed yielded a paltry 15 search results, signaling a similar lack of preparedness in our laboratories and hospitals. Even more disappointingly, most of these articles used the term zombie merely to superficially classify a silent catatonia present in a smorgasbord of disparate psychiatric conditions that only remotely resemble classical conceptions of zombieness, such as depressive disorders,2 borderline personality disorders,3 and the grief process of adolescents dealing with cancer.4 Based on this evidence, I was led to suspect that scientists seem to care less about educating people about the living dead and more about selling papers using inappropriate horror-flick metaphors.
posted by Juggermatt at 8:13 AM on February 3, 2007
In light of The Onion’s exposé on Pittsburgh’s lack of zombie preparedness,1 I decided that it would be prudent to review the primary literature on these undead abominations of science. Much to my chagrin, entering the search term zombie into Pubmed yielded a paltry 15 search results, signaling a similar lack of preparedness in our laboratories and hospitals. Even more disappointingly, most of these articles used the term zombie merely to superficially classify a silent catatonia present in a smorgasbord of disparate psychiatric conditions that only remotely resemble classical conceptions of zombieness, such as depressive disorders,2 borderline personality disorders,3 and the grief process of adolescents dealing with cancer.4 Based on this evidence, I was led to suspect that scientists seem to care less about educating people about the living dead and more about selling papers using inappropriate horror-flick metaphors.
posted by Juggermatt at 8:13 AM on February 3, 2007
Maaan, if zombies attacked me? I'd prolly loose it.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:52 AM on February 3, 2007
posted by miss lynnster at 8:52 AM on February 3, 2007
Ask MetaFilter has got your back.
If you want to properly understand the enemy you need to read this ground breaking study on the structure of Zombie muscle tissue.
posted by Skygazer at 9:10 AM on February 3, 2007
If you want to properly understand the enemy you need to read this ground breaking study on the structure of Zombie muscle tissue.
posted by Skygazer at 9:10 AM on February 3, 2007
Awesome! I've been reading David Wellington's excellent zombie novels: Monster Island and Monster Nation.
It's pretty good stuff if you're into zombies.
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 9:37 AM on February 3, 2007
It's pretty good stuff if you're into zombies.
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 9:37 AM on February 3, 2007
Robots, zombies, pirates, ninjas, monkeys, hobos...give it a rest already.
Why does every one keep forgetting hookers? Between monkeys and hobos is where hookers fall in the hierarchy.
which is why I think that a length of steel pipe is probably the best choice, especially if each end can be sharpened with a slant cut.
SCDB, I've disagreed with you about so many things in the past, but here you couldn't be more correct. Steel pipe, about a meter long, angle cut on the end for stabbing. The perfect anti-zombie weapon.
Assuming, of course that we are dealing with shamblers. If we are dealing with fast zombies, particularly ones with a blood borne virus like in 28 Days Later, I'm going to wish for a gun again.
On this subject, I've just started reading a book called World War Z by Max Brooks which tells the oral history of the survivors of the zombie apocalypse. It's pretty neat.
posted by quin at 9:42 AM on February 3, 2007
Why does every one keep forgetting hookers? Between monkeys and hobos is where hookers fall in the hierarchy.
which is why I think that a length of steel pipe is probably the best choice, especially if each end can be sharpened with a slant cut.
SCDB, I've disagreed with you about so many things in the past, but here you couldn't be more correct. Steel pipe, about a meter long, angle cut on the end for stabbing. The perfect anti-zombie weapon.
Assuming, of course that we are dealing with shamblers. If we are dealing with fast zombies, particularly ones with a blood borne virus like in 28 Days Later, I'm going to wish for a gun again.
On this subject, I've just started reading a book called World War Z by Max Brooks which tells the oral history of the survivors of the zombie apocalypse. It's pretty neat.
posted by quin at 9:42 AM on February 3, 2007
For god's sake people, why not put a bayonet on the end of your shotgun? Or even a sharpened pipe with the proper fitting stuck on it?
posted by IronLizard at 12:00 PM on February 3, 2007
posted by IronLizard at 12:00 PM on February 3, 2007
IronLizard, a slicing weapon is more effective against zombies than a thrusting weapon. You need to take off arms and heads to stop them; just piercing them ain't good enough.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 2:16 PM on February 3, 2007
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 2:16 PM on February 3, 2007
Or a crushing weapon. That's nearly as good. That's why I want my pipe; it's an improvised mace.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 2:17 PM on February 3, 2007
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 2:17 PM on February 3, 2007
I'd very much like to point people to "Day by Day Armageddon". The forums are a goldmine of survival information, and you get a nice big slice of his novel to read online. I actually went and bought it for my collection and I quite enjoy it (although spelling and grammar pedants should be warned not to read it within easy grabbing distance of a red pencil).
Bring on Z-day. I've been waiting for this all my life.
posted by ninazer0 at 2:51 PM on February 3, 2007
Bring on Z-day. I've been waiting for this all my life.
posted by ninazer0 at 2:51 PM on February 3, 2007
Drunken_munky - totally, dude. My copy's on my nightstand.
I've got a shovel in my go-bag, you've got yours? Well, that and a crowbar. I keep forgetting to throw a bottle of vodka in the bag, though =(
posted by porpoise at 4:21 PM on February 3, 2007
I've got a shovel in my go-bag, you've got yours? Well, that and a crowbar. I keep forgetting to throw a bottle of vodka in the bag, though =(
posted by porpoise at 4:21 PM on February 3, 2007
I, for one, want to welcome our new zombie dolphin overlords.
Mmmmm, tuna brains!
posted by Seabird at 8:06 PM on February 3, 2007
Mmmmm, tuna brains!
posted by Seabird at 8:06 PM on February 3, 2007
Can we take a tip from 'Fargo' and use wood-chippers against the zombie menace? Industrial shredders? Those huge snowblowers that use to clear mountain passes? Farm machinery?
posted by sparkzy at 8:29 PM on February 3, 2007
posted by sparkzy at 8:29 PM on February 3, 2007
I see nothing about dressing them in tuxedos. This has been by far the most effective method. I myself already have a tuxedo gun.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:26 PM on February 3, 2007
posted by Smedleyman at 9:26 PM on February 3, 2007
Ye Gods, People!
What about the Giant Robots?
Am I the only one?
posted by Dizzy at 10:33 PM on February 3, 2007
What about the Giant Robots?
Am I the only one?
posted by Dizzy at 10:33 PM on February 3, 2007
IronLizard, a slicing weapon is more effective against zombies than a thrusting weapon. You need to take off arms and heads to stop them; just piercing them ain't good enough.
Brooks, in the already recommended World War Z, disagrees with this point to some extent, suggesting that zombies are fundamentally brains being carried around by bodies which can take a lot of damage. He suggests weapons which can be used to attack the brain are more effective but that thrusting rather than swinging is the most effective attack. The standard hand-to-hand weapon recommended is a modified entrenching tool. (Obviously Brooks can not be held to be utterly definitive in this matter.)
posted by biffa at 8:10 AM on February 4, 2007
Brooks, in the already recommended World War Z, disagrees with this point to some extent, suggesting that zombies are fundamentally brains being carried around by bodies which can take a lot of damage. He suggests weapons which can be used to attack the brain are more effective but that thrusting rather than swinging is the most effective attack. The standard hand-to-hand weapon recommended is a modified entrenching tool. (Obviously Brooks can not be held to be utterly definitive in this matter.)
posted by biffa at 8:10 AM on February 4, 2007
Hey look, bayonets weren't always such little things. Older styles had very sharp edges and were very long. They slice very effectively. Thrust, slice and shoot. How can you beat that without a full auto grenade slinger?
posted by IronLizard at 12:02 PM on February 4, 2007
posted by IronLizard at 12:02 PM on February 4, 2007
Ye Gods, People!
What about the Giant Robots?
Now I'm scared. Please, no one bring up giant zombie pirate robots. I may never be myself again.
posted by thekilgore at 8:59 AM on February 5, 2007
What about the Giant Robots?
Now I'm scared. Please, no one bring up giant zombie pirate robots. I may never be myself again.
posted by thekilgore at 8:59 AM on February 5, 2007
What about the winged demons that sit outside windows?? Huh huh huh...can't they get some respect? Nooooo...course not it's always zombie this and zombie that...pfffttt.
This message brought to you by the Brotherhood of Winged Demons That Sit Outside Windows Local 23645 -
Buy Union.
posted by Skygazer at 2:32 PM on February 5, 2007
This message brought to you by the Brotherhood of Winged Demons That Sit Outside Windows Local 23645 -
Buy Union.
posted by Skygazer at 2:32 PM on February 5, 2007
Eh, even a mediocre low-level cleric can easily dust your basic zombie. That's why I follow assorted esoteric dead gods and carry around their holy symbols. You know, just in case.
posted by Midnight Creeper at 4:38 PM on February 5, 2007
posted by Midnight Creeper at 4:38 PM on February 5, 2007
Skygazer---
That is not a Winged Demon.
That is my nephew, Ian.
We had to take him to a specialist in Chicago.
These things take time.
posted by Dizzy at 8:04 PM on February 5, 2007
That is not a Winged Demon.
That is my nephew, Ian.
We had to take him to a specialist in Chicago.
These things take time.
posted by Dizzy at 8:04 PM on February 5, 2007
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posted by facetious at 10:37 PM on February 2, 2007