Don't Ask Don't Tell

February 7, 2007 12:12 PM

US Army clears itself of abuse in Gitmo An Army officer who investigated possible abuse at Guantanamo Bay after some guards purportedly bragged about beating detainees found no evidence they mistreated the prisoners — although he did not interview any of the alleged victims.
posted by CameraObscura (43 comments total)

Smart.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:18 PM on February 7, 2007

I heard that the CIA once cleared itself of crack cocaine conspiracy charges. It's nice to be in charge of any investigation into your own affairs.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:20 PM on February 7, 2007

The guards are Americans, the detainees are nationless "enemy combatants" of a awfully brown color. What other conclusion could a self-investigation reach?
posted by nkyad at 12:20 PM on February 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

So, they investigate one rumor of alleged abuse, interview only those who might have committed or enabled the abuse, and in finding nothing, clear the entire Gitmo operation of abuse?

Or is it just a badly worded headline?
posted by rockabilly_pete at 12:21 PM on February 7, 2007

Heather Cerveny has man arms.
posted by phaedon at 12:24 PM on February 7, 2007

After extensive review I hereby clear myself of any and all real or perceived wrongdoings of any kind... including that incident in Topeka.

----

I've always been a little pissed that the "government" can do things like run huge deficits, kill people and investigate itself, things that would land you or I in jail.
posted by edgeways at 12:26 PM on February 7, 2007

Meanwile, in other news, the Cat says he believes the mice left town in the middle of the night, The Fox says he believes the chickens accompanied the mice, and the public continues to slumber.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 12:27 PM on February 7, 2007 [6 favorites]

Why not interview the 'alleged' victims? If past behavior is any indication, you could just beat them until they give you the statements you're looking for anyways.
posted by ninjew at 12:38 PM on February 7, 2007 [5 favorites]

Well, then. I'm glad that's settled.
posted by brundlefly at 12:38 PM on February 7, 2007

Inspired by the US Army, I just cleared myself of all alleged wrongdoing this morning.

Being an American, rocks!
posted by CameraObscura at 12:50 PM on February 7, 2007

7 posts tagged with up.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:55 PM on February 7, 2007

I hereby clear myself of all charges of self-abuse.
posted by ColdChef at 12:55 PM on February 7, 2007

Well it's good that, having made no effort to investigate wrongdoing, the US military did not in fact find any evidence thereof.

Actually it's a bit like a 10 year old kid not doing any work for a class presentation, and then obviously ad-libbing his way through a sermon about the importance of hard work and being prepared, á la Bart Simpson... except that a 10 year old would actually suffer more consequences then the people involved in that situation.
posted by clevershark at 12:57 PM on February 7, 2007

he did not interview any of the alleged victims.

Why would he want to interview terrorists?
posted by Nelson at 12:59 PM on February 7, 2007

I'm sorry officer, but after an independent review conducted by myself, it was found that I was not speeding.
posted by jefbla at 1:00 PM on February 7, 2007

Finally. Justice has been served?
posted by psmealey at 1:01 PM on February 7, 2007

What utter bullshit. This has to be due to some sort of UCMJ procedural issue where they're not required to interview the detainees, but still.

(Oh, and edgeways, self-exoneration is all well and good for you, but some people are still upset at you for making the statue atop the capitol look like a Tootsie Pop wrapper. It's probably best if you steer clear of T-town for a while yet.)
posted by cog_nate at 1:05 PM on February 7, 2007

nate, you broke something
posted by IronLizard at 1:08 PM on February 7, 2007

THERE'S MY TRIFECTA! Thanks for not disappointing, MeFi!
posted by keswick at 1:11 PM on February 7, 2007

"I'm shocked--shocked!--to find that there's abuse going on here!"

It's nice to be in charge of any investigation into your own affairs.
Unless you're that dude in No Way Out. That seemed pretty stressful.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:13 PM on February 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

Nothing to see here.
Move along.
posted by Dillenger69 at 1:15 PM on February 7, 2007

Well, shit. Thanks, IronLizard.

Here, try this.
posted by cog_nate at 1:22 PM on February 7, 2007

I'm curious -- who were the alleged victims? I mean, if Cerveny overheard people bragging about a "common practice" in a bar, it's not likely they named victims. I suppose one could interview all detainees, or all detainees with whom the named suspects had contact. The thing is, this may or may not be a shoddy investigation, but depending on the specific claims made, there are all sorts of ways in which the truth or falsehood of the allegations could be determined without interviewing the alleged victims. And what if he had interviewed the alleged victims and found that they were not credible? Would anyone here seriously be more accepting of his conclusions?
posted by Dolukhanova at 1:47 PM on February 7, 2007 [2 favorites]

Doluk, wouldn't a soldier have to name or identify his victims given an order to testify by a superior in an investigation like this?

This is the legacy of this administration--no responsibility for anything at any time in any place by anybody.
posted by amberglow at 2:20 PM on February 7, 2007

BREAKING: WASHINGTON CLEARED OF WRONG-DOING IN CHERRY TREE CHARGES
blames environmentalists, british for leaks
posted by 2sheets at 2:34 PM on February 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

The Army can investigate itself because it's been taking Substance D.
posted by brundlefly at 2:41 PM on February 7, 2007 [4 favorites]

Ceverny may get charged with filing a false statement on top of this all. Cui bono? Not her certainly. Frickin amazing.
posted by nj_subgenius at 3:44 PM on February 7, 2007

I don’t see that the investigation was conducted by the IG, only that the report was filed to the IG’s office.

suspect: “Man, I totally tortured the crap out of that guy!”
investigator: “Did you?”
suspect: “....uh...no.”
investigator: “Okay then”
posted by Smedleyman at 4:06 PM on February 7, 2007

Well, victims are so unreliable, being all traumatised and that!
posted by Lucie at 4:38 PM on February 7, 2007

nkyad: "The guards are Americans, the detainees are nationless "enemy combatants" of a awfully brown color. What other conclusion could a self-investigation reach?"

Exactly. Although I bet those combatants thank Allah that their guards weren't French, eh?
posted by koeselitz at 5:04 PM on February 7, 2007

the detainees are nationless "enemy combatants" of a awfully brown color.

Not David Hicks. [warning: sickening web design]
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:12 PM on February 7, 2007

Wow, and I thought the Nixon Pardon was hypocritical.
posted by tehloki at 5:43 PM on February 7, 2007

Same old shit. And almost nobody cares.
posted by zoogleplex at 6:01 PM on February 7, 2007

"Finally. Justice has been served?"

Dude, justice got pwned.
posted by klangklangston at 6:14 PM on February 7, 2007

Someone add the EvilFuckery tag to this post.
posted by pjern at 6:35 PM on February 7, 2007

Quite the contrast to how Canada handled the recent allegations that our soldiers beat up some Taliban. Several levels of independent military investigation indicate nothing particularly untoward happened, yet we're still worried that someone might have been kicked during a scuffle.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:22 PM on February 7, 2007

There is an evilfuckery tag? Got to go check that one out... damn, found nothing. Could only find evil and fuck tags...
posted by bhouston at 7:24 PM on February 7, 2007

I no longer have to join the Scientologists to clear myself? Sweet. That should save me a bundle.
posted by dreamsign at 9:57 PM on February 7, 2007

So the soldiers that did go to jail must feel like suckers now.
posted by srboisvert at 1:36 AM on February 8, 2007

I dunno about man-arms -- maybe she's just on the short side, so her forearms look sorta brawny -- but SGT Cerveny's got the pi$$ed-off-girl jaw-clench thing going on that pretty kisser of hers, for sure -- cute when she's mad.

See what happens when you blow the whistle in the military? She'll be lucky if those guards don't tie her shoelaces together. Or something.
posted by pax digita at 4:47 AM on February 8, 2007

I hereby absolve myself for not inhaling.
posted by nofundy at 9:34 AM on February 8, 2007

I once investigated a psychiatric hospital where 600 allegations of staff-on-patient abuse had been investigated by the hospital, and not one had been upheld.

The reason was quite simple -- because the patients were mentally ill, they were considered unreliable witnesses and in every instance the staff members' word was taken over theirs.

In one case a ward full of patients witnessed a staff member hit a mentally handicapped patient over the head with a pool cue. The patient died in isolation 24 hours or so later. No disciplinary action was taken.

It all seemed to make perfect sense to the hospital administrators, whom I spoke to directly.

After our film, there was a year-long public inquiry into the hospital which led to wholescale reform.
posted by unSane at 7:41 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Assigned to defend a Guantánamo detainee, jag lawyer Charles Swift joined up with legal scholar Neal Katyal and sued the president and secretary of defense over the new military-tribunal system. With their 2006 Supreme Court victory overridden by the Republican Congress, and Swift's navy career at an end, they are fighting on.
posted by homunculus at 1:00 PM on February 12, 2007