The Onion News Network

March 27, 2007 7:26 AM

The Onion News Network. The Onion now comes in a tube.
posted by srboisvert (49 comments total)

Here's the "promo" video. Their advertiser seems to get the idea too, playing along with the claim that "ONN" has been around since 1898.
posted by pithy comment at 7:30 AM on March 27, 2007

Hurm. I can get everything to load BUT the videos. What could be afoot here?
posted by EatTheWeek at 7:34 AM on March 27, 2007

EatTheWeak: if you have a strict ad filter enabled, it might eat the video (mine did)
posted by you at 7:36 AM on March 27, 2007

you - turned out to be a lack of a flash player.

srboisvert - thanks for the link!
posted by EatTheWeek at 7:41 AM on March 27, 2007

Just watched them all, very well done. So easy to break the fourth wall in such programs, they have truly been studying the dynamics and cadence of news programs. There must be an awful amount of time going into each of these programs, as there is a fine line in satire that can easily be crossed into absurdity. Check out Comedy Central's "Crossballs" to get an idea of the phenomena of winking towards the camera. I am quite surprised and hope the high quality holds up.
posted by geoff. at 7:45 AM on March 27, 2007

Sweet. I've been looking forward to this ever since they started looking for interns on craigslist.

Definitely promising. We'll see how it pans out.
posted by defenestration at 7:45 AM on March 27, 2007

sensationally well executed -- the Lou Dobbs parody was dead, dead on... meticulously observed

coming soon to a cable channel near you, methinks




are we living in a golden age of satire or what?
posted by unSane at 7:48 AM on March 27, 2007

"The human cost of Mexicans"
posted by DU at 8:00 AM on March 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

The onion has sucked since at least 2002.
posted by delmoi at 8:01 AM on March 27, 2007

are we living in a golden age of satire or what?

here here. It's good to know we at least pair roman style imperial conquest with roman style mockery. wine anyone?
posted by sarcasman at 8:02 AM on March 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

Brilliant

If it's this good the first time, I think we're in for a treat :)
posted by flippant at 8:02 AM on March 27, 2007

I used to be a huge fan of the Onion about five or six years ago, then I got burned out on it as it seemed to stagnate a bit. This is exactly the shot in the arm it needed. Making fun of print media is sooooo 20th century. Lambasting cable news is where it's at!!! I realized after watching the first clip that I didn't bother to pay attention to the new crawl at the bottom of the screen. I'll have to remember to read them when I watch the others.
posted by GavinR at 8:07 AM on March 27, 2007

Oh phooey. The Onion is just riding on the coat tails of these guys.

If it works in audio format, let's try putting some pictures with it! It's the new sensation that's sweeping the nation!

*falls in an open manhole*
posted by ZachsMind at 8:10 AM on March 27, 2007

"are we living in a golden age of satire or what?"


Do we have a choice?
posted by stenseng at 8:11 AM on March 27, 2007 [4 favorites]

I'm excited because the print edition will be available free in DC starting April 5.
posted by peeedro at 8:19 AM on March 27, 2007

The Onion is going to hell: Anna Nicole Smith Finally Reaches Target Weight
posted by slow, man at 8:29 AM on March 27, 2007

I'm excited because the print edition will be available free in DC starting April 5.

Thank you! I saw a newsbox with the Onion (and their logo) written on it just last night, and had no idea what it was about.
posted by inigo2 at 8:33 AM on March 27, 2007

I'm going to hell for laughing at that Anna Nicole Smith article. But I can't stop myself.

Also really enjoying watching these.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:41 AM on March 27, 2007

delmoi:The onion has sucked since at least 2002.

I've been reading The Onion online since about, what? 96? And while the quantity available each week has definitely gone down, I feel like they've maintained quality pretty well. Of course, the Bush admin. has been a comedy gimmie for the last 7 years, but I've been impressed by their ability to turn out the goods week after week. So I'm just not gonna play the "Internet sucks compared to X year" game. Even though it does.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:50 AM on March 27, 2007

Hmm, I dunno. I really like the Onion in print, but for some reason I find it kind of annoying presented verbally. There's something about their oddball humor that's awkward presented live.

I suppose I should give it more of a chance, but I was cringing a bit at the first 'news story'.
posted by Malor at 8:51 AM on March 27, 2007

Ieeee... dunno. I've had a hard time enjoying The Onion since it started showing up on CNN.com with CNN's groaner "Fresh Headlines" label and their "Hey, kids! It sure looks like a real story, but it's just somethin' to tickle yer funny bone" disclaimer. But I guess it's not The Onion's fault they're considered funny by the same site that devotes front page real estate to Mike Mikula's Cartoon Clicks.
posted by katillathehun at 9:00 AM on March 27, 2007

delmoi sucks.
posted by shmegegge at 9:25 AM on March 27, 2007

This is about as funny as Fox's "1/2 Hour News Hour," and feels like a bunch of people trying to catch up with the Colbert curve.
posted by Kirklander at 9:29 AM on March 27, 2007

kirklander is wrong. this is very funny.
posted by shmegegge at 9:31 AM on March 27, 2007 [2 favorites]

Satire is funnier when it targets the right people - logic twisting, hypocritical, self-interested types.

Low skill illegal immigration, of course, does not threaten people with elite jobs, which is why truly self-interested elite people favor it (e.g. journalists, big business). It gives them cheap labor and multicultural moral fuzzies, etc., at no cost to themselves. The native workers who are economically injured by such immigration are the high school dropouts, disproportionately black, at the bottom of society.
posted by dgaicun at 9:39 AM on March 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

Send in the re-enactors!
posted by algreer at 9:55 AM on March 27, 2007

"I refuse to work. So it's been very hard for us."

Bahahaha! This is good!
posted by Cookiebastard at 10:13 AM on March 27, 2007

The onion has sucked since at least 2002.

The hip way of saying this is to say it's sucked since it moved its main offices to New York from Madison (I've been reading the print Onion since 1994).

I still remember discovering the first copy the way people remember the first time they find porn out in the woods. In high school, a friend who had a dad living downtown would grab ten each week and bring them back for us.
posted by drezdn at 10:14 AM on March 27, 2007

"are we living in a golden age of satire or what?"

not everyone equates shooting fish in a barrel with great satire. Bush is dumb, Republicans are bad, we get it, move on. Comedy Central has two very popular shows that do this already, SNL does it, even MadTV (on the Fox network) takes their shots at Bush.

I hate Bush a lot. But I think I hate stale, lazy comedy writing even more.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:22 AM on March 27, 2007

...they have wands, they have bags of holding...
posted by Wolfdog at 10:34 AM on March 27, 2007

i didn't know about this! these videos are far less caustic than what the daily show cranks out...and easier to watch. thanks!
posted by virga at 10:46 AM on March 27, 2007

Lots to catch in these videos. I like that the title of the spinning newspaper is Spinning Newspaper.
posted by painquale at 11:07 AM on March 27, 2007

I was worried this would be another lame knockoff of the Daily Show (mental monologue: stick to print, Onion!) but this actually turned out to be pretty funny. Kudos.
posted by Zephyrial at 11:28 AM on March 27, 2007

pithy comment : playing along with the claim that "ONN" has been around since 1898.

They have been using this joke since at least '96 or so. As I recall it was originally part of the mast-head

drezdn : (I've been reading the print Onion since 1994).

Roughly the same time I started reading it, (back in college.) Unsurprisingly you are from the same area as me. It was originally published out of Madison before moving to New York in the late '90s early '00s.

Unfortunately their online archives aren't complete. There were a couple of the really early stories that were so brilliant, they burned themselves into my brain. I remember one was an upbeat story about a kid with an unfortunate birth defect, and how he was coping with the horns growing out of his forehead.

It was written exactly like any other feel-good story, except as the article went on, it became more and more apparent that the kid was actually the anti-Christ.

/wipes away nostalgic tear.

Good stuff.
posted by quin at 1:59 PM on March 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

I thought they were a little rough around the edges, but still enjoyable. Am I the only one who went back and watched a second time just to catch all the hilarious crawler gags?
posted by O9scar at 2:01 PM on March 27, 2007

"I refuse to work. So it's been very hard for us."

Yeah, this is the point where I went from concern over satirical overreach to giggling my ass off. And the tone of the Condi-goes-to-the-Orient one is even more spot-on.

A welcome addition. Kudos, Zweibel family!

Haters: sucking it since the golden age of Usenet.
posted by gompa at 2:31 PM on March 27, 2007

I still remember discovering the first copy the way people remember the first time they find porn out in the woods. In high school, a friend who had a dad living downtown would grab ten each week and bring them back for us.

So that's how that porn got there! Thank your friend's dad for me, wouldja?
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:38 PM on March 27, 2007

delmoi has sucked since comment 7,482.
posted by The God Complex at 2:40 PM on March 27, 2007

Just kidding.
posted by The God Complex at 2:40 PM on March 27, 2007

Seriously. I was kidding.
posted by The God Complex at 2:40 PM on March 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

The hip way of saying this is to say it's sucked since it moved its main offices to New York from Madison (I've been reading the print Onion since 1994).

"Like big boxes full of shit in your house? Get a cat!"
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:46 PM on March 27, 2007

The immigration and Condi Rice bits were funny, but the Civil War thing felt like the 1/2 Hour News Hour. They obviously threw a lot of money at this, so I'll keep an eye on it.
posted by zardoz at 5:29 PM on March 27, 2007

I hate Bush a lot. But I think I hate stale, lazy comedy writing even more.

Thank you for explaining America's priorities in such a concise way.
posted by spock at 7:42 PM on March 27, 2007

I just watched "the human cost of mexicans" bit, and, it sucked. Hur Hur Hur CEO job taken by illegal. Whatever.
posted by delmoi at 9:40 PM on March 27, 2007

delmoi has sucked since comment 7,482.

Still a better ratio then the onion (since they went online, anyway)
posted by delmoi at 9:41 PM on March 27, 2007

delmoi still sucks.

oh, and does anyone else want to see them do a network news parody along the lines of these articles?

God, these STILL crack me the fuck up. My life would be worse if they had not been written.
posted by shmegegge at 10:26 PM on March 27, 2007

I want to read that feel-good feature about the anti-christ kid NOW.

And if it seems "easy" or whatever to mock Lou Dobbs, just remember that the orange-headed motherfucker is the most popular thing on CNN. Some CNN executive told the board, "We just need somebody even more insufferable and banal than Bill O'Reilly." And then actual little light bulbs appeared over their heads, and inside each little light bulb was orange-headed millionaire Republican Space.com founder Lou Dobbs.

The Onion guy needs to be about 5x creepier to really capture the glory of Lou Dobbs, but it was a good chunk of comedy & I hope they do THREATS TO AMERICA segments on a regular basis.

Main problem with the "In the Know" segment is that all the jackasses should be talking over each other most of the time. Ha, they've got a BLOGGER on the panel too. Jackass.
posted by kenlayne at 11:02 PM on March 27, 2007

This is the news.
posted by jack_mo at 9:28 AM on March 28, 2007

Panda Demands Abortion walks that fine line between 'funny' and 'unfunny.'
posted by ZachsMind at 8:06 PM on April 14, 2007