Send in the Clowns
October 12, 2007 11:31 AM Subscribe
He served in law enforcement for over 20 years. He's been a youth counselor, an ordained minister, a Big Brother. He deplores the rampant proliferation of "smut" in America. He bills himself as Klutzo the "Christian" Clown and visits orphanages overseas. Of course he's up on charges.
You know what other Illinois clown liked young boys?
posted by Sailormom at 11:40 AM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]
posted by Sailormom at 11:40 AM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]
Klutzo, I charge you with two counts of too much fun, and one count of stealing my heart! Also five counts of possessing child pornography.
posted by supercrayon at 11:40 AM on October 12, 2007 [18 favorites]
posted by supercrayon at 11:40 AM on October 12, 2007 [18 favorites]
I giggled at "Of course he's up on charges."
Then I laughed, loudly, and annoyed people near me.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:41 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
Then I laughed, loudly, and annoyed people near me.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:41 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
Ya' just gotta watch that embedded video in the Smoking Gun link.
posted by ericb at 11:41 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by ericb at 11:41 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
You know which other corrupt clown lives in Springfield?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
When anyone looks at me, let them see Jesus...
From Acts 7:
17 And lo, He came to them, wearing a purple wig and the red and white dyes of the berries of the valley, 18 and He wore large shoes which induced in them laughter, and verily He sayeth unto them: 19 "There containeth nothing in this vase, which was like your heart, but now looketh! 20 It be filled with cloth-like colored rags, 21 such is the love of your Master."
posted by billysumday at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2007 [11 favorites]
From Acts 7:
17 And lo, He came to them, wearing a purple wig and the red and white dyes of the berries of the valley, 18 and He wore large shoes which induced in them laughter, and verily He sayeth unto them: 19 "There containeth nothing in this vase, which was like your heart, but now looketh! 20 It be filled with cloth-like colored rags, 21 such is the love of your Master."
posted by billysumday at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2007 [11 favorites]
"Regarding the naked photos of young boys, Carlock explained, 'That's how they live.' Three of the boys seen in the photos told investigators they woke up to find Carlock fondling and caressing them."
Uh-huh.
posted by ericb at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2007
Uh-huh.
posted by ericb at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2007
Big downs for you, Klutzo.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2007
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2007
"People always condemn most in others that which they most fear in themselves" - Robert Pirsig
posted by any major dude at 11:45 AM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]
posted by any major dude at 11:45 AM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]
It's gotten to the point now where I automatically suspect pedophilia in anyone who doesn't hate kids.
posted by mullingitover at 11:50 AM on October 12, 2007 [7 favorites]
posted by mullingitover at 11:50 AM on October 12, 2007 [7 favorites]
"That's how they live."
LOL! So why aren't all the kids in the video naked?
FWIW, it's only circumstantial evidence at this point. Keep the pitchforks at bay for now.
Ya' just gotta watch that embedded video in the Smoking Gun link.
No, really, you don't. That's a snazzy Flash player though. I like it.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:50 AM on October 12, 2007
LOL! So why aren't all the kids in the video naked?
FWIW, it's only circumstantial evidence at this point. Keep the pitchforks at bay for now.
Ya' just gotta watch that embedded video in the Smoking Gun link.
No, really, you don't. That's a snazzy Flash player though. I like it.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:50 AM on October 12, 2007
Suburban Chicago 'Klutzo' retires over name confusion
“Algonquin Village Clerk Jerry Kautz likes nothing better than to turn into Klutzo the Clown and make a child smile.posted by ericb at 11:51 AM on October 12, 2007 [6 favorites]
To think another ‘Klutzo’ used his clown identity to harm children makes Klautz sick to his stomach.
The unwarranted hate mail and calls make it more distressing still.
‘I sat down and cried this morning,’ Kautz said. ‘It has been a nightmare.’
A central Illinois man who also used the ‘Klutzo the Clown’ persona was arrested on child pornography charges this week after illegally traveling to the Philippines to photograph himself having sex with naked young boys at a local orphanage, according to authorities.
…The subsequent news stories have sparked hate mail and calls to the wrong Klutzo. And, more distressing to Kautz, the reports have sparked fear that his Klutzo was the offender.
‘What if someone sees this and thinks it was me? People have seen me at the Founders Days parades and other places for 23, 24 years. All they're going to think is 'Did he do something to my child?'‘
‘I'm so distraught. I just can't believe this is happening,’ Kautz said. ‘I'm going to give it up. Klutzo's dead. He's got to be dead. I loved that name, but this is horrible.”
You know clowns are inherently creepy to begin with, but this schmuck isn't doing much to alleviate that stereotype.
that was an entirely passive aggressive assholish thing to say 2sheets
posted by edgeways at 11:51 AM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
that was an entirely passive aggressive assholish thing to say 2sheets
posted by edgeways at 11:51 AM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
Hmm... weird how liberal secularists' reflex response in this sort of instance is 'ha! Hypocrite!' as if ideological incongruency is the real crime here. I mean, wow, a paedophile whose publicly avowed beliefs conflict with his private behaviour... wow.
posted by RokkitNite at 11:51 AM on October 12, 2007
posted by RokkitNite at 11:51 AM on October 12, 2007
I wonder if the alternate Klutzo would have a solid case for a lawsuit if the (presumed guilty) Klutzo is convicted?
posted by edgeways at 11:54 AM on October 12, 2007
posted by edgeways at 11:54 AM on October 12, 2007
Carlock initially told investigating officers that the images on his computer and camera were photos he had intended to edit so they’d be appropriate to show at his church. He said the photos showed that the boys were too poor to afford clothes and that he photographed the naked boys because “that’s how they live,” the affidavit said.
Hats off to this guy for trying to execute the Cartman defense.
posted by phaedon at 11:54 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
Hats off to this guy for trying to execute the Cartman defense.
posted by phaedon at 11:54 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
Just so I'm clear: is this an LOLXIANS post or a LOLCLOWNS post? I'm okay with either, really.
posted by dead_ at 11:54 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by dead_ at 11:54 AM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
"People always condemn most in others that which they most fear in themselves" - Robert Pirsig
FWIW, I am neither a clown, nor a child pornographer.
But there goes my Halloween costume!
posted by misha at 11:55 AM on October 12, 2007
FWIW, I am neither a clown, nor a child pornographer.
But there goes my Halloween costume!
posted by misha at 11:55 AM on October 12, 2007
Hey, they got two clowns with one crime! Awesome.
I mean, wow, a paedophile whose publicly avowed beliefs conflict with his private behaviour.
I think there's a difference between just pretending you aren't molesting kids and actively campaigning against, say, gay rights when you yourself are gay.
posted by DU at 11:56 AM on October 12, 2007
I mean, wow, a paedophile whose publicly avowed beliefs conflict with his private behaviour.
I think there's a difference between just pretending you aren't molesting kids and actively campaigning against, say, gay rights when you yourself are gay.
posted by DU at 11:56 AM on October 12, 2007
"Christian clown" is not an oxymoron. There, I said it.
posted by malaprohibita at 11:59 AM on October 12, 2007
posted by malaprohibita at 11:59 AM on October 12, 2007
I wish I hadn't put pedophilia next to gay rights like that. I blame my wide stance across the issues.
posted by DU at 11:59 AM on October 12, 2007
posted by DU at 11:59 AM on October 12, 2007
Also, this sounds like something out of The Perry Bible Fellowship.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:00 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:00 PM on October 12, 2007
weird how liberal secularists' reflex response in this sort of instance is 'ha! Hypocrite!'
let's not speak in vague generalities or make silly assumptions.
how do you know that the posters here are liberal secularists? and who's calling "ha, hypocrite"? I haven't seen the word used yet except by you and the original poster (as a tag).
We still need a better phrase than "going Republican" ...
posted by mrgrimm at 12:01 PM on October 12, 2007
let's not speak in vague generalities or make silly assumptions.
how do you know that the posters here are liberal secularists? and who's calling "ha, hypocrite"? I haven't seen the word used yet except by you and the original poster (as a tag).
We still need a better phrase than "going Republican" ...
posted by mrgrimm at 12:01 PM on October 12, 2007
Tasteless joke time:
"What's the hardest part about being a child molester? Getting the blood out of your clown suit."posted by ericb at 12:02 PM on October 12, 2007
I think there's a difference between just pretending you aren't molesting kids and actively campaigning against, say, gay rights when you yourself are gay.
So let me get this straight...
Self-hating homosexual ? Paedo-clown
Hey, you know what? You might just be onto something! Why didn't I see this before?
posted by RokkitNite at 12:03 PM on October 12, 2007
So let me get this straight...
Self-hating homosexual ? Paedo-clown
Hey, you know what? You might just be onto something! Why didn't I see this before?
posted by RokkitNite at 12:03 PM on October 12, 2007
Jeez, can't any of these guys get off without a costume?
posted by maryh at 12:04 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by maryh at 12:04 PM on October 12, 2007
Gnngh... that question mark was meant to be a 'does not equal' sign. Back to clown school for me...
posted by RokkitNite at 12:04 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by RokkitNite at 12:04 PM on October 12, 2007
Anyone know why bears don't eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Would someone please "fix this" for me?
posted by zerobyproxy at 12:10 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
Because they taste funny.
Would someone please "fix this" for me?
posted by zerobyproxy at 12:10 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
The subsequent news stories have sparked hate mail and calls to the wrong Klutzo. And, more distressing to Kautz, the reports have sparked fear that his Klutzo was the offender.
Sounds like a real Klutzterfuck.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:10 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
Sounds like a real Klutzterfuck.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:10 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
ha! Hypocrite!
does it still count if it's not a reflex?
posted by DreamerFi at 12:11 PM on October 12, 2007
does it still count if it's not a reflex?
posted by DreamerFi at 12:11 PM on October 12, 2007
From the incident report:
Because CARLOCK was returning from a country which is considered high risk for child sex tourism and child pornography, coupled with the fact that CARLOCK's stated purpose for his trip put him in direct contact with young children, CBPO Relay deemed it appropritate to review the images on CARLOCK's digital media devices to ensure they did not contain any images of child pornography.
Interesting to see how the logic behind his search worked.
posted by malaprohibita at 12:12 PM on October 12, 2007
Because CARLOCK was returning from a country which is considered high risk for child sex tourism and child pornography, coupled with the fact that CARLOCK's stated purpose for his trip put him in direct contact with young children, CBPO Relay deemed it appropritate to review the images on CARLOCK's digital media devices to ensure they did not contain any images of child pornography.
Interesting to see how the logic behind his search worked.
posted by malaprohibita at 12:12 PM on October 12, 2007
Of course he's up on charges.
I really wish you'd keep your clownism off the front page, thx.
posted by mkultra at 12:13 PM on October 12, 2007
I really wish you'd keep your clownism off the front page, thx.
posted by mkultra at 12:13 PM on October 12, 2007
I wish I hadn't put pedophilia next to gay rights like that. I blame my wide stance across the issues.
Exactly. The majority of pedophiles are straight men.
posted by ericb at 12:16 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
Exactly. The majority of pedophiles are straight men.
posted by ericb at 12:16 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
Soon to be a crying on the inside clown, literally.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:19 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:19 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
"People always condemn most in others that which they most fear in themselves" - Robert Pirsig
Would love to hear Pirsig, Mr. Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, say that if his kid were sodomised by a Gacy wannabe.
posted by nickyskye at 12:19 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
Would love to hear Pirsig, Mr. Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, say that if his kid were sodomised by a Gacy wannabe.
posted by nickyskye at 12:19 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
It's gotten to the point now where I automatically suspect pedophilia in anyone who doesn't hate kids.
"Thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a pedophile - Some people are just nice."
posted by Parasite Unseen at 12:28 PM on October 12, 2007
"Thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a pedophile - Some people are just nice."
posted by Parasite Unseen at 12:28 PM on October 12, 2007
Anyone know why bears don't eat clowns?
Because bears prefer a non-alcoholic diet.
But at least he'd be protein rich.
posted by Curry at 12:34 PM on October 12, 2007
Because bears prefer a non-alcoholic diet.
But at least he'd be protein rich.
posted by Curry at 12:34 PM on October 12, 2007
With apologies to Jack Handy:
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clownkilled my dad pretended to be a positive religious figure, but in reality was a hypocritical predator using his position to gain access to unsuspecting and trusting children.
posted by quin at 12:38 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown
posted by quin at 12:38 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
It's gotten to the point now where I automatically suspect pedophilia in anyone who doesn't hate kids.
Well it has gotten to the point where many adult men are afraid of helping out crying girls who are alone, because they might be seen as a molester. I know I avoid looking at children in public spaces for more than a glance because I am afraid I will be accused or somesuch. This doesn't make me angry, but does casue a little sadness. (the recent post about adopted girls from China posing with their new dads springs to mind.)
posted by edgeways at 12:41 PM on October 12, 2007
Well it has gotten to the point where many adult men are afraid of helping out crying girls who are alone, because they might be seen as a molester. I know I avoid looking at children in public spaces for more than a glance because I am afraid I will be accused or somesuch. This doesn't make me angry, but does casue a little sadness. (the recent post about adopted girls from China posing with their new dads springs to mind.)
posted by edgeways at 12:41 PM on October 12, 2007
"People always condemn most in others that which they most fear in themselves" - Robert Pirsig
Are you saying everyone heaping on this guy are secretly worried about being hypocrites, or pedophiles?
posted by delmoi at 12:42 PM on October 12, 2007
Are you saying everyone heaping on this guy are secretly worried about being hypocrites, or pedophiles?
posted by delmoi at 12:42 PM on October 12, 2007
Also, this sounds like something out of The Perry Bible Fellowship.
Maybe he was just trying to take a picture of a kitty.
posted by rusty at 12:42 PM on October 12, 2007
Maybe he was just trying to take a picture of a kitty.
posted by rusty at 12:42 PM on October 12, 2007
demoi (and others): I think the Pirsig quote was about Klutzo's smut-condemnation. Interesting how many people immediately took it to refer to themselves though. Very interesting.
posted by rusty at 12:44 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by rusty at 12:44 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
His Amazon.com profile has these tags:
boy (3), devotion (2), loyalty (2), bonding (1), child (1), coming of age (1), comitment (1), commitment (1), crafty (1), endearment (1), goofy (1), hope (1), kidnapping (1), love (1), miracle (1), mischievous fun (1), moving (1), parenting (1), relationship (1), silly (1), socialization (1), trickster (1)
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:58 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
boy (3), devotion (2), loyalty (2), bonding (1), child (1), coming of age (1), comitment (1), commitment (1), crafty (1), endearment (1), goofy (1), hope (1), kidnapping (1), love (1), miracle (1), mischievous fun (1), moving (1), parenting (1), relationship (1), silly (1), socialization (1), trickster (1)
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:58 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
I assumed the Pirsig quote referred to Klutzo's self-hatred, anti-"smut" campaign too ... it didn't seem like a defense of his behavior.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:01 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by mrgrimm at 1:01 PM on October 12, 2007
That Amazon.com profile is a parody? It's too much.
On his wishlist: "The Boy from Lebanon"
posted by mrgrimm at 1:03 PM on October 12, 2007
On his wishlist: "The Boy from Lebanon"
posted by mrgrimm at 1:03 PM on October 12, 2007
LOLXCLOWNS.
posted by The Bellman at 1:04 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by The Bellman at 1:04 PM on October 12, 2007
House of Joy orphanage? Are f’ing serious?
OCTOBER 12-- A local man who works as a clown was not arrested yesterday after being hired to perform at a childrens party.
Dinko, the self-styled “Apostle Clown,” reportedly played with a number of young children, boys and girls of various ages, without incident.
“We hired him to come and play with the kids,” a local mom said. “He didn’t drop his pants or take any of the children into the bushes. After his act was over he seemed more interested in getting his money and a bite to eat.”
Dinko, in real life Tim Jones, reportedly does not drive a van.
“He’s not even interested in photography,” girlfriend and fiancee Jane Smith said. “In fact he said he can’t wait to get into my pants once we’re finally married.”
Jones, 27, works at an orphanage, has done missionary work overseas and has been a “Mister Softee” ice cream man. He is believed to be the last sincere, albeit suspiciously religious and nice to children, man in America.
“He doesn’t even own a computer,” said Smith.
FBI agents raided Jones’ home recently and found many photos of Jones engaging in wholesome and fully clothed acts with children.
“My God, they’re tossing a ball around, you know, playing catch. I just can’t believe it,” said an agent who asked not to be identified. “Look at this - he’s like twenty feet away from the kid.”
As a youth minister and in his guise as Dinko, Jones has played catch, tossed frisbees and “horsed around” with a basketball with children on over 1,073 occasions without any sexual overture at all.
“He’s pretty much the only guy we can point to now to try and pretend that we’re like,” said a child molesting clown who asked not to be identified. “I think we’re all short eyes otherwise.”
Jones’ family minister, Rev. Sam Thomas, recently indicted for child pornography, stated that he’s seen Jones’ frown at images of naked youth in National Geographic.
“He said that skin cancer is a big problem especially in equatorial areas and those children shouldn’t be running around without clothes,” reverend Thomas said. “I mean, look at the ass on that little boy, are you kidding me?”
Thomas said Jones mumbled something about starting a clothing fund for children in Africa and excused himself.
Thomas said Jones has considered adopting a disadvantaged child from another country “to actually raise, as an actual child of his own!”
“I mean, what’s the point of all this if you can’t get some little pice of chicken on the side?” Thomas asked. “Is he serious about this Jesus shit and helping people? What’s his angle?”
Jones has reportedly been involved in pastoral ministry, Christian education and camping.
“He chopped a lot of wood. We all thought he was going to eventually show us his boner,” said one child. “But he built a fire and talked about how Jesus loved us and said we should be nice to each other because we want people to be nice to us. It was weird. Billy started crying.”
In one Internet posting on a missionary outreach site, Jones declined to volunteer at an overseas orphanage: “I want to spend time with my wife after we get married. Kids are great, but I’m getting a little tired of being around just kids all the time.”
posted by Smedleyman at 1:12 PM on October 12, 2007 [11 favorites]
OCTOBER 12-- A local man who works as a clown was not arrested yesterday after being hired to perform at a childrens party.
Dinko, the self-styled “Apostle Clown,” reportedly played with a number of young children, boys and girls of various ages, without incident.
“We hired him to come and play with the kids,” a local mom said. “He didn’t drop his pants or take any of the children into the bushes. After his act was over he seemed more interested in getting his money and a bite to eat.”
Dinko, in real life Tim Jones, reportedly does not drive a van.
“He’s not even interested in photography,” girlfriend and fiancee Jane Smith said. “In fact he said he can’t wait to get into my pants once we’re finally married.”
Jones, 27, works at an orphanage, has done missionary work overseas and has been a “Mister Softee” ice cream man. He is believed to be the last sincere, albeit suspiciously religious and nice to children, man in America.
“He doesn’t even own a computer,” said Smith.
FBI agents raided Jones’ home recently and found many photos of Jones engaging in wholesome and fully clothed acts with children.
“My God, they’re tossing a ball around, you know, playing catch. I just can’t believe it,” said an agent who asked not to be identified. “Look at this - he’s like twenty feet away from the kid.”
As a youth minister and in his guise as Dinko, Jones has played catch, tossed frisbees and “horsed around” with a basketball with children on over 1,073 occasions without any sexual overture at all.
“He’s pretty much the only guy we can point to now to try and pretend that we’re like,” said a child molesting clown who asked not to be identified. “I think we’re all short eyes otherwise.”
Jones’ family minister, Rev. Sam Thomas, recently indicted for child pornography, stated that he’s seen Jones’ frown at images of naked youth in National Geographic.
“He said that skin cancer is a big problem especially in equatorial areas and those children shouldn’t be running around without clothes,” reverend Thomas said. “I mean, look at the ass on that little boy, are you kidding me?”
Thomas said Jones mumbled something about starting a clothing fund for children in Africa and excused himself.
Thomas said Jones has considered adopting a disadvantaged child from another country “to actually raise, as an actual child of his own!”
“I mean, what’s the point of all this if you can’t get some little pice of chicken on the side?” Thomas asked. “Is he serious about this Jesus shit and helping people? What’s his angle?”
Jones has reportedly been involved in pastoral ministry, Christian education and camping.
“He chopped a lot of wood. We all thought he was going to eventually show us his boner,” said one child. “But he built a fire and talked about how Jesus loved us and said we should be nice to each other because we want people to be nice to us. It was weird. Billy started crying.”
In one Internet posting on a missionary outreach site, Jones declined to volunteer at an overseas orphanage: “I want to spend time with my wife after we get married. Kids are great, but I’m getting a little tired of being around just kids all the time.”
posted by Smedleyman at 1:12 PM on October 12, 2007 [11 favorites]
Klutzo and a 10 year old phillipino boy are walking in the jungle. A rain storm comes up, and the boy turns to Klutzo and says:
"I'm Scared!"
Klutzo: "YOUR scared? I gotta walk out of here alone!"
posted by prodigalsun at 1:19 PM on October 12, 2007
"I'm Scared!"
Klutzo: "YOUR scared? I gotta walk out of here alone!"
posted by prodigalsun at 1:19 PM on October 12, 2007
"People always condemn most in others that which they most fear in themselves" - Robert Pirsig
It's a stupid generalisation that isn't applicable to this story. It might be applicable if made specific, like some people, in certain circumstances, project onto others what they are most afraid of in themselves. And on other occasions other people are just assholes or criminals.
And because Pirsig's sentence begins with "people", it presumes all people, meaning you, me, this pedophile. You know, people.
This pedophile's schtick was deliberate layers of camouflage and his anti-smut campaign was part of that schtick, not about his suppressed "fear".
posted by nickyskye at 1:21 PM on October 12, 2007
It's a stupid generalisation that isn't applicable to this story. It might be applicable if made specific, like some people, in certain circumstances, project onto others what they are most afraid of in themselves. And on other occasions other people are just assholes or criminals.
And because Pirsig's sentence begins with "people", it presumes all people, meaning you, me, this pedophile. You know, people.
This pedophile's schtick was deliberate layers of camouflage and his anti-smut campaign was part of that schtick, not about his suppressed "fear".
posted by nickyskye at 1:21 PM on October 12, 2007
"The film, produced in England, is not only a great character study from many dimensions, it provides an uncanny look at the burgeoning relations between a boy and an elderly caretaker, both of whom are resistant to the arrangement. You will be enthralled and delighted at the lengths one will go to protect a bond that has finally flourished!"
Too much I say!
posted by mrgrimm at 1:24 PM on October 12, 2007
Too much I say!
posted by mrgrimm at 1:24 PM on October 12, 2007
Along with what Mr. Grimm was saying, the films he reviewed at Amazon.com. (The reviews are dated December 2006, so someone was either prescient in their satire or this is the real deal.)
Possessed
End of the Spear
The Valley Between
Secrets of the Heart
Small Miracles
Taming Andrew
Goodnight Mr. Tom
The reviews:
Possessed is not just another Catholic scandel.
Valley Between moves foreign hilltops closer together
Taming Andrew is a must see for anyone interested in child development and the consequences of the lack of guidance by a loving and responsive parent/guardian.
How the hell could people not have figured this guy out?
To quote Larry Craig, he is "probably even a nasty, bad, naughty boy"
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:37 PM on October 12, 2007
Possessed
End of the Spear
The Valley Between
Secrets of the Heart
Small Miracles
Taming Andrew
Goodnight Mr. Tom
The reviews:
Possessed is not just another Catholic scandel.
Valley Between moves foreign hilltops closer together
Taming Andrew is a must see for anyone interested in child development and the consequences of the lack of guidance by a loving and responsive parent/guardian.
How the hell could people not have figured this guy out?
To quote Larry Craig, he is "probably even a nasty, bad, naughty boy"
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:37 PM on October 12, 2007
At least this clown is reasonably upfront about his predilections.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:38 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:38 PM on October 12, 2007
I thought you meant this clown.
Klutzo's wife is a clown, too. Her clown name is Smilee.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:56 PM on October 12, 2007
Klutzo's wife is a clown, too. Her clown name is Smilee.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:56 PM on October 12, 2007
Klutzo's wife is a clown, too. Her clown name is Smilee.
Not anymore. She's changed it to Frownee.
posted by ericb at 1:59 PM on October 12, 2007
Not anymore. She's changed it to Frownee.
posted by ericb at 1:59 PM on October 12, 2007
This Just In: Judy Collins has returned her 1976 'Song of the Year' Grammy Award for 'Send in The Clowns,' in honor of the children.
posted by ericb at 2:03 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by ericb at 2:03 PM on October 12, 2007
...and asked, in exchange, to be given the royalty fees from the Stranglers' Bring On the Nubiles.
posted by koeselitz at 2:11 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by koeselitz at 2:11 PM on October 12, 2007
I was kind of hoping for more reasons why bears don't eat clowns...
posted by Bovine Love at 2:16 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by Bovine Love at 2:16 PM on October 12, 2007
Who nose? (Honk!)
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:18 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:18 PM on October 12, 2007
I think it's high time we all agree that clowns are not only not funny, but they are all pedophiles, and or axe murders. How many more clown crimes are we going to live throught before the world community says enough is enough. With that in mind I propose "Clown Camps" located in a vast desert, and guarded by Blackwater mercs. Here the "clowns" can grow Victory gardens, and dig trenches. I yield the remander of my time.
posted by nola at 2:29 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by nola at 2:29 PM on October 12, 2007 [2 favorites]
Won't someone stop thinking of the children!
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 2:38 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 2:38 PM on October 12, 2007
Clown Acres is the place to be.
No body over twenty-three.
Blackwater's here to quench my thirst
Keep Manhattan, just give me that circle jerk.
New York is where the good times are.
More kids than you can stuff in a car.
I just adore a ministry.
I love children but you can keep your pederasty.
...Young men.
...Children.
...Blackwater.
...Sons and daughters.
You are my clown.
Good bye, Boystown.
Clown Acres... like lambskins to the slaughter!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:49 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
No body over twenty-three.
Blackwater's here to quench my thirst
Keep Manhattan, just give me that circle jerk.
New York is where the good times are.
More kids than you can stuff in a car.
I just adore a ministry.
I love children but you can keep your pederasty.
...Young men.
...Children.
...Blackwater.
...Sons and daughters.
You are my clown.
Good bye, Boystown.
Clown Acres... like lambskins to the slaughter!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:49 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
Thanks, BitterOldPunk. I'm glad I'm not the only one here old enough to remember that song. I nearly died of shock the first time I came across a Kinko's, wondering what idiot would name a store after a perverted clown.
Someone has made a weird little video for it, by the way.
posted by stefanie at 2:59 PM on October 12, 2007
Someone has made a weird little video for it, by the way.
posted by stefanie at 2:59 PM on October 12, 2007
“I was kind of hoping for more reasons why bears don't eat clowns...”
For the most part Bears are arboreal and make their home in rugged woodland habitats covered in trees, rocks and ice not well suited for oversized shoes. Typically bears live in areas of very low levels of human development and activity away from the more dense clown supporting populations.
They are despite their reputation not particularly carnivorus and eat a variety of plants, berries, roots, sprouts, fungi, fish and insects only rarely eating larger clown-sized mammals. Their jaw structure is longer and doesn’t have the sharp canine teeth of the true predator. In fact over 90% of their dietary intake is from non-clown vegetable matter. Bears hibernate for months on end, reducing their exposure to clowns. Bears also shift from one area to another in response to seasonal abundance, so it would be unlikely they would develop a preference for any specific class of human engaging in a certain custom of dress or mannerism much less the overwhelmingly ill-suited for wilderness clown. Indeed, bears can shrug off harsh weather that would typically go right through polka-dotted cotton and rainbow wigs. A clown isn’t going to survive a night in the high sierras no matter how thick the greasepaint.
Human activities and developments can make even the most productive habitat less attractive to a bear, one can only speculate what kind of stress honking noses, sqeaky shoes and seltzer bottles would introduce to a bear habitat. Bears would most likely avoid such areas entirely. The few rare bears that do become habituated to human areas are typically killed for public safety long before any sort of more sophisticated clown - bear interaction could take place.
And of course, clowns typically avoid bears on the rare occasions they are within any sort of reasonable distance for violence to occur. Given the proximity of clowns to children and merriment, it is likely some law enforcement personnel would shoot the bear long before it could threaten anyone within distance of a clown.
...Also because clowns don’t wear a lot of leather (y’know, ‘bears’ being slang for meaty hairy gay men)
posted by Smedleyman at 3:17 PM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]
For the most part Bears are arboreal and make their home in rugged woodland habitats covered in trees, rocks and ice not well suited for oversized shoes. Typically bears live in areas of very low levels of human development and activity away from the more dense clown supporting populations.
They are despite their reputation not particularly carnivorus and eat a variety of plants, berries, roots, sprouts, fungi, fish and insects only rarely eating larger clown-sized mammals. Their jaw structure is longer and doesn’t have the sharp canine teeth of the true predator. In fact over 90% of their dietary intake is from non-clown vegetable matter. Bears hibernate for months on end, reducing their exposure to clowns. Bears also shift from one area to another in response to seasonal abundance, so it would be unlikely they would develop a preference for any specific class of human engaging in a certain custom of dress or mannerism much less the overwhelmingly ill-suited for wilderness clown. Indeed, bears can shrug off harsh weather that would typically go right through polka-dotted cotton and rainbow wigs. A clown isn’t going to survive a night in the high sierras no matter how thick the greasepaint.
Human activities and developments can make even the most productive habitat less attractive to a bear, one can only speculate what kind of stress honking noses, sqeaky shoes and seltzer bottles would introduce to a bear habitat. Bears would most likely avoid such areas entirely. The few rare bears that do become habituated to human areas are typically killed for public safety long before any sort of more sophisticated clown - bear interaction could take place.
And of course, clowns typically avoid bears on the rare occasions they are within any sort of reasonable distance for violence to occur. Given the proximity of clowns to children and merriment, it is likely some law enforcement personnel would shoot the bear long before it could threaten anyone within distance of a clown.
...Also because clowns don’t wear a lot of leather (y’know, ‘bears’ being slang for meaty hairy gay men)
posted by Smedleyman at 3:17 PM on October 12, 2007 [4 favorites]
When the place is called House of Joy, you imagine a Dickensian misery-hole of sanctimony and enforced gratitude where even if you're lucky and the visiting foreign sad-sack isn't an out-and-out pervert, they'll be an ego-raddled nutjob doing "good works" to appease some other psychosis or sociopathy.
Looking at the rows of bemused faces in the video clip, he should have been up on some kind of charge even if he'd kept his hands to himself and his lens cap on.
posted by Abiezer at 3:28 PM on October 12, 2007
Looking at the rows of bemused faces in the video clip, he should have been up on some kind of charge even if he'd kept his hands to himself and his lens cap on.
posted by Abiezer at 3:28 PM on October 12, 2007
Yeah, that House of Joy thing made me cringe as well. You figure it must have been run by and for pedophiles with a name like that.
Who else would call any orphanage a house of joy? And I can't imagine anyone believing the name would fool the kids...
posted by Maias at 3:45 PM on October 12, 2007
Who else would call any orphanage a house of joy? And I can't imagine anyone believing the name would fool the kids...
posted by Maias at 3:45 PM on October 12, 2007
Bears DON'T eat clowns?
Then what's Colbert so afraid of?
More Reasons Bears Don't Eat Clowns...
Greasepaint is a poor choice of sauce.
Clowns are rarely found in pic-a-nic baskets.
Most circuses require a bear that has eaten a clown to replace him on the program.
The clowns make balloon animals while in their stomachs.
The bear usually chokes when he gets to the feet - have you SEEN the size of those shoes?
It's an anus, not a clown car.
On the other hand, history shows us that Lions enjoy eating True Christians, which is why it's considered safer to be a Hypocrite.
posted by wendell at 3:51 PM on October 12, 2007
Then what's Colbert so afraid of?
More Reasons Bears Don't Eat Clowns...
Greasepaint is a poor choice of sauce.
Clowns are rarely found in pic-a-nic baskets.
Most circuses require a bear that has eaten a clown to replace him on the program.
The clowns make balloon animals while in their stomachs.
The bear usually chokes when he gets to the feet - have you SEEN the size of those shoes?
It's an anus, not a clown car.
On the other hand, history shows us that Lions enjoy eating True Christians, which is why it's considered safer to be a Hypocrite.
posted by wendell at 3:51 PM on October 12, 2007
I kid you not ...
Christian Clown Training for Nursing Home Mission Visits - 1, 2.
posted by ericb at 3:56 PM on October 12, 2007
Christian Clown Training for Nursing Home Mission Visits - 1, 2.
posted by ericb at 3:56 PM on October 12, 2007
this one is even sicker than the s/m minister--i think it's the clown angle.
posted by amberglow at 3:57 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by amberglow at 3:57 PM on October 12, 2007
2007 Show-Me Clowns for Jesus National Clown Conference -- video.
posted by ericb at 3:58 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by ericb at 3:58 PM on October 12, 2007
John-Michael Tebelak sure must be wondering from Heaven what the heck he started by portraying Christ as a clown in his musical Godspell.
posted by ericb at 4:02 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by ericb at 4:02 PM on October 12, 2007
When wilt thou save the people?
Oh God of mercy, when?
Not kings and lords, but nations,
Not thrones and clowns, but men!
Flow'rs of thy heart, o God, are they;
Let them not pass, like weeds, away,
Their heritage a sunless day.
God save the people.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:11 PM on October 12, 2007
Oh God of mercy, when?
Not kings and lords, but nations,
Not thrones and clowns, but men!
Flow'rs of thy heart, o God, are they;
Let them not pass, like weeds, away,
Their heritage a sunless day.
God save the people.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:11 PM on October 12, 2007
Hmmm ... I think someone may have been in his high-school production of Godspell back in the day. Likely, also in Pippin, as well?
posted by ericb at 4:19 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by ericb at 4:19 PM on October 12, 2007
Heh. Not I. But my folks were into it, and a couple members of my extended family were in local productions.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:22 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:22 PM on October 12, 2007
I think it's high time we all agree that clowns are not only not funny, but they are all pedophiles, and or axe murders.
Not so. I have known at least two women who were actresses and who enjoyed entertaining children, and so eventually went to clown college. Both of 'em were cute (when not in costume), too.
posted by davejay at 4:28 PM on October 12, 2007
Not so. I have known at least two women who were actresses and who enjoyed entertaining children, and so eventually went to clown college. Both of 'em were cute (when not in costume), too.
posted by davejay at 4:28 PM on October 12, 2007
I've been thinking a lot about cases like this - people who are so active in their life been against something only to be discovered doing the thing they are against. I understand that you'd why to hide some bad behavior, but why devote your life to publicly denoucing something and then still do it? And why is it so often religious people being caught in deviant or illegal sex? (I'm lumping the pedophile priests in with the Ted Haggards, Mark Foleys, Larry Craigs, and Klutzo the Handsy Clowns of the world).
IT can't be simple hypocrisy, because this is way too pathological for something like that. You know what conclusion I've come to?
If you are an outspoken religious conservative, there is a very good chance that Freudian psychodynamic theory explains your personality and behavior almost perfectly. It's almost scary how effective this theory is in illuminating the causes of their behavior.
Freud articulated a number of defense mechanisms that one develops to reduce a personality or cognitive conflict and assuage anxiety. The important thing to understand is that none of these guys are comfortable with their particular "secret" (being gay or being a pedophile, which obviously aren't the same thing), and that creates anxiety because their internal rules structure says that its wrong but their urges really want it anyway. This does not apply to people who are gay and comfortable with it, as the fact of being gay, or the homosexual attraction, is not a source of anxiety for them, and therefore no defense mechanism is needed.
1. Undoing - in which the person attempts to reverse the effects of a negative act by compensating for it with a good act, often one diametrically opposite the negative act. "I touched kids or had sex with a mail prostitute, which I think is bad, but I like it so I'm not going to stop. Instead I make up for it by campaigning endlessly against gays."
2. Reaction formation - Acting opposite to one's unconscious urges or desires. There is a much stronger case for Undoing being the primary defense mechanism at work here, because in all of these guys, the urges are not unconscious to them. However, the true underlying urge may be the power dynamic at work in the sexual relationship (the desire to dominate or be dominated), and I don't think these guys are self-aware enough to realize this so I think this comes into play.
3. Projection - weak case for this, but it's here because (A) it's related to reaction formation, and (b) the speaking out against gays and pedophiles usually takes the form of "they are corrupting our youth" when if fact its these guys doing the actual corrupting.
Underlying all of this is Grand Canyon-sized cognitive dissonance, of course, and who knows what happened in their early lives that warped them in this way.
Now, to any religious conservatives who read this thinking "Aha! See? Gay makes you crazy!" Well, what can I tell you, you're an idiot.
This comment is suggesting that religious people who advocate publicly against a way of life but pursue that exact same way of life in secret are crazy.
And I will take it one step further any offer up my own opinion that Freudian theory can be used predictively. If someone is railing publicly against something over and over again, almost obsessively, you can be assured that that person harbors desires for the thing they hate. It's just a matter of getting the evidence to prove you're right.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:17 PM on October 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
IT can't be simple hypocrisy, because this is way too pathological for something like that. You know what conclusion I've come to?
If you are an outspoken religious conservative, there is a very good chance that Freudian psychodynamic theory explains your personality and behavior almost perfectly. It's almost scary how effective this theory is in illuminating the causes of their behavior.
Freud articulated a number of defense mechanisms that one develops to reduce a personality or cognitive conflict and assuage anxiety. The important thing to understand is that none of these guys are comfortable with their particular "secret" (being gay or being a pedophile, which obviously aren't the same thing), and that creates anxiety because their internal rules structure says that its wrong but their urges really want it anyway. This does not apply to people who are gay and comfortable with it, as the fact of being gay, or the homosexual attraction, is not a source of anxiety for them, and therefore no defense mechanism is needed.
1. Undoing - in which the person attempts to reverse the effects of a negative act by compensating for it with a good act, often one diametrically opposite the negative act. "I touched kids or had sex with a mail prostitute, which I think is bad, but I like it so I'm not going to stop. Instead I make up for it by campaigning endlessly against gays."
2. Reaction formation - Acting opposite to one's unconscious urges or desires. There is a much stronger case for Undoing being the primary defense mechanism at work here, because in all of these guys, the urges are not unconscious to them. However, the true underlying urge may be the power dynamic at work in the sexual relationship (the desire to dominate or be dominated), and I don't think these guys are self-aware enough to realize this so I think this comes into play.
3. Projection - weak case for this, but it's here because (A) it's related to reaction formation, and (b) the speaking out against gays and pedophiles usually takes the form of "they are corrupting our youth" when if fact its these guys doing the actual corrupting.
Underlying all of this is Grand Canyon-sized cognitive dissonance, of course, and who knows what happened in their early lives that warped them in this way.
Now, to any religious conservatives who read this thinking "Aha! See? Gay makes you crazy!" Well, what can I tell you, you're an idiot.
This comment is suggesting that religious people who advocate publicly against a way of life but pursue that exact same way of life in secret are crazy.
And I will take it one step further any offer up my own opinion that Freudian theory can be used predictively. If someone is railing publicly against something over and over again, almost obsessively, you can be assured that that person harbors desires for the thing they hate. It's just a matter of getting the evidence to prove you're right.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:17 PM on October 12, 2007 [3 favorites]
On review, the theory is much much more complicated that my earlier comment makes it sound, and it would be a very good question to ask why sex in particular is a source of anxiety, and sadly the answer to that may lead to some abuse in their childhood, which in turn triggered repression, denial, and other defenses to help them deal with it. Sorry if my comment made the problem sound superficial.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:23 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by Pastabagel at 6:23 PM on October 12, 2007
but why devote your life to publicly denoucing something and then still do it?
I think the reason is because they've been taught it's wrong, but they're gay themselves, and have strong sex drives. So they go on crusades, because they think that gay sex is the same temptation for everyone that they themselves face, when in actual fact, most of us don't particularly care and aren't particularly tempted. You can hear this sometimes in their wording.... they're convinced at some level that it's a nearly irresistible attraction. When you hear this, in its various forms, it's a near-certain sign of a repressed gay man.
You don't crusade against something unless it's a threat, and it's not a threat if it's not a threat to you. My running assumption is that anyone who is a serious gay-basher is at the very least bisexual, and the more vehement they are, the more likely it is that they're fully gay and repressing it.
And, of course, it leaks out in all kinds of strange and twisted ways, because they can't admit to themselves they're gay.
As is so typical, The Onion caught the gist of this better than practically anyone, in Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?
posted by Malor at 6:38 PM on October 12, 2007
I think the reason is because they've been taught it's wrong, but they're gay themselves, and have strong sex drives. So they go on crusades, because they think that gay sex is the same temptation for everyone that they themselves face, when in actual fact, most of us don't particularly care and aren't particularly tempted. You can hear this sometimes in their wording.... they're convinced at some level that it's a nearly irresistible attraction. When you hear this, in its various forms, it's a near-certain sign of a repressed gay man.
You don't crusade against something unless it's a threat, and it's not a threat if it's not a threat to you. My running assumption is that anyone who is a serious gay-basher is at the very least bisexual, and the more vehement they are, the more likely it is that they're fully gay and repressing it.
And, of course, it leaks out in all kinds of strange and twisted ways, because they can't admit to themselves they're gay.
As is so typical, The Onion caught the gist of this better than practically anyone, in Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?
posted by Malor at 6:38 PM on October 12, 2007
I've been thinking a lot about cases like this - people who are so active in their life been against something only to be discovered doing the thing they are against. I understand that you'd why to hide some bad behavior, but why devote your life to publicly denoucing something and then still do it?
"The devil decries evil.posted by ericb at 7:12 PM on October 12, 2007
Virtue is his guise
To find the hidden villain
Listen for the loudest voice"
-- Rodger Malcolm Mitchell
Rusty got it right on the Pirsig quote. The quote comes from the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It's my favorite book and one I recommend to anyone going through a transitional period in their life.
posted by any major dude at 8:17 PM on October 12, 2007
posted by any major dude at 8:17 PM on October 12, 2007
The Pirsig quote is brilliant. Oh, and wooooooosh.
posted by CautionToTheWind at 4:06 AM on October 13, 2007
posted by CautionToTheWind at 4:06 AM on October 13, 2007
Pastabagel: According to a friend of mine, Carl Jung summed up cases like this with the phrase "Big front, big back."
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 2:49 PM on October 13, 2007
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 2:49 PM on October 13, 2007
It never stops: Wisconsin GOP chair faces charges in enticement of teenage boy
posted by amberglow at 10:24 AM on October 15, 2007
posted by amberglow at 10:24 AM on October 15, 2007
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posted by ericb at 11:39 AM on October 12, 2007