Bringing New Meaning to 'Flogging the Bishop'

July 9, 2009 4:54 PM

Does it cause hairy palms? (No, that is a myth.) Will it make you go blind? (No, though zinc deficiency can be detrimental to one's vision, and semen contains a small amount of zinc.) Are you going to hell for it? (Maybe, maybe not.) But what if it helps with conception? (well, the men doing it, anyway)
posted by Navelgazer (20 comments total)

Every link is sacred.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:03 PM on July 9, 2009 [4 favorites]

Well, that wouldn't matter so much if it wasn't for the hairy palms and the impaired vision.
posted by yoink at 5:04 PM on July 9, 2009

*takes a day off from reading Metafilter to avoid seeing onslaught of bad wanking jokes*
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 5:12 PM on July 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

...maybe that'll help offset the number of rads I've received from years of browsing internet porn with a computer tower under the desk...
posted by logicpunk at 5:15 PM on July 9, 2009

I'd like to know what percentage of Metafilter readers wear corrective eyewear. And those of you wearing contact lenses, you're not foolin' anyone.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:15 PM on July 9, 2009

metafilter: Some Truth!
posted by idiopath at 5:16 PM on July 9, 2009

Er...my original comment correcting Navelgazer's link got deleted, as did the comment that responded to that with a joke about one-handed typing. As my comment above only makes sense as a response to that comment, I wonder if the mod who removed the other two could remove my above comment and this one?
posted by yoink at 5:18 PM on July 9, 2009

Blazecock Pileon

Eponyspankable.
posted by yoink at 5:19 PM on July 9, 2009

I can't make heads or tails about what it's supposed to do to your risk of prostate cancer.
posted by scblackman at 5:21 PM on July 9, 2009

But, what about grilled cheese sandwiches?
posted by jabberjaw at 5:32 PM on July 9, 2009

Come back, zinc!
posted by greenland at 5:42 PM on July 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Save the Bundy one!
posted by maxwelton at 5:45 PM on July 9, 2009

Q: "Hi, I'm an eighteen year old girl and every once and a while, I masturbate. The problem is that I've heard it's a mortal sin to do this."

A: "Yes, you're 18 years of age; living in a fallen culture that has distorted the true purpose of sexuality; and you practice a faith that teaches that what you are doing is a mortal sin...and that happens to be the truth. But before you get too depressed, do you truly have full knowledge of what sex is all about and are you able to give full consent to your actions. Others may argue with me, but I would suspect the answer to both of those questions is "no." Now this is not to excuse the behavior."


that is awful.
posted by sloe at 5:57 PM on July 9, 2009

And those of you wearing contact lenses, you're not foolin' anyone.

Lensdar? Raydar?
posted by DU at 6:05 PM on July 9, 2009

Seekerofsplendor: *takes a day off from reading Metafilter to avoid seeing onslaught of bad wanking jokes*

You think a day is enough for you to avoid wanking jokes? Pfft... (rolls eyes, makes 'whatta jerkoff' motion)
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:12 PM on July 9, 2009

before hovering any of the links, i went into the thread.

with the hope that it wouldn't be what it implied it would be.

that would have been clever.

disappointed, i leave.
posted by el io at 10:14 PM on July 9, 2009

I'd like to know what percentage of Metafilter readers wear corrective eyewear.

Get your orally administered zinc supplements right here!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:40 PM on July 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

"Yes, you're 18 years of age; living in a fallen culture that has distorted the true purpose of sexuality"

Amen to that. Get out and meet someone. It's a moral crime to have a libidinous 18 year old girl wasting time at home when she could be.. [actually, I'll stop right there. But many of you were thinking the same thing]
posted by MuffinMan at 5:54 AM on July 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

It certainly makes sense. You probably wouldn't want to masturbate *too* much, as you'd be spilling too much seed, but it seems that it would work the same way as a controlled forest fire. Clearing out the old stuff generate news growth. Get rid of that old, moldy sperm and generate some new, speedy guys.

Back when I was in school, sperm donors were required (and limited) to masturbate three times a week. I'm sure the company had some research to support that approach...
posted by mrgrimm at 9:21 AM on July 10, 2009

Awesome.
posted by peregrine81 at 5:42 PM on July 10, 2009