Will Pique Your Curiosity in the Most Delightful Way
July 20, 2009 12:13 PM Subscribe
SkyMall product reviews.
Shirts! Salts! Herps! Lights! Sexy Chicks! Shifty Cats!
A critical examination of products featured in America's favorite in-flight catalogue.
Shirts! Salts! Herps! Lights! Sexy Chicks! Shifty Cats!
A critical examination of products featured in America's favorite in-flight catalogue.
Well, that's serendipitous. My wife's neck has been bothering her for about a week, and I told her she needed to put her head in traction. She asked me to pull gently on it while she laid down, but complained that I was doing it too hard. "It's a shame there's no way for you to adjust the tension yourself", I said. And then I clicked on your link.
posted by boo_radley at 12:17 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by boo_radley at 12:17 PM on July 20, 2009
It's not reviews of items, it's images from skymall catalog with snarky comments. Like Seinfeld but not funny.
posted by tomas316 at 12:19 PM on July 20, 2009 [9 favorites]
posted by tomas316 at 12:19 PM on July 20, 2009 [9 favorites]
you could have saved yourself time and just said, "Like Seinfeld".
posted by boo_radley at 12:20 PM on July 20, 2009 [8 favorites]
posted by boo_radley at 12:20 PM on July 20, 2009 [8 favorites]
Yeah, I wanted actual product reviews. I demand product reviews. PRODUCT REVIEWS!
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:22 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:22 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
Is it just me or does SkyMall only use white people to feature the products in its catalog?
posted by jsavimbi at 12:23 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by jsavimbi at 12:23 PM on July 20, 2009
I don't know about SkyMall, jsavimbi, but I definately have noticed that you haven't been giving enough work to models of color.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:26 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:26 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
See also: Sky Maul. Freakin' comedy gold.
posted by mcstayinskool at 12:28 PM on July 20, 2009 [5 favorites]
posted by mcstayinskool at 12:28 PM on July 20, 2009 [5 favorites]
Goddamnit.
posted by Darth Fedor at 12:30 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by Darth Fedor at 12:30 PM on July 20, 2009
Oh, sweet Sky Mall. What would we do without you?
posted by Rhaomi at 12:30 PM on July 20, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by Rhaomi at 12:30 PM on July 20, 2009 [4 favorites]
No self-respecting aging hippie would be caught dead (a) shopping from SkyMall, (b) putting a cornball cutesy doormat on their stoop.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:37 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:37 PM on July 20, 2009
From some kind of spammy post or something: How many five year olds could you take in a fight?
posted by box at 12:37 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by box at 12:37 PM on July 20, 2009
I think a great blog about SkyMall products could be made - this is not that blog.
And, as noted above, these are not product reviews. Heck, I want to hear from someone who completed the world's largest crossword, from a dog owner with a Pet Observation Dome, from a sommelier with a Wine & Liquor accelerator, or a sports fan with a 5.0 Digital Binocular Camera ("Banned in some sports arenas!").
posted by ORthey at 12:37 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
And, as noted above, these are not product reviews. Heck, I want to hear from someone who completed the world's largest crossword, from a dog owner with a Pet Observation Dome, from a sommelier with a Wine & Liquor accelerator, or a sports fan with a 5.0 Digital Binocular Camera ("Banned in some sports arenas!").
posted by ORthey at 12:37 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
Yeah, and real punks don't go to the Warped tour either. And no true Scotsman, uh, I don't know how the rest of that one goes.
posted by box at 12:39 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by box at 12:39 PM on July 20, 2009
Metafilter: You bet your dick I'll have a glass of fucking Perrier.
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:41 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by MrMoonPie at 12:41 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
"The most beautiful view is the one I share with you." - What's that pillow going to see other than trampstamps and moist unsavory buttcracks?
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:41 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:41 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
But you still can't measure a human soul...
...must...stop...
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:46 PM on July 20, 2009
...must...stop...
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:46 PM on July 20, 2009
from a dog owner with a Pet Observation Dome
My neighbor had one. Dog seemed to love it. Didn't stop him from barking, though.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:46 PM on July 20, 2009
My neighbor had one. Dog seemed to love it. Didn't stop him from barking, though.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:46 PM on July 20, 2009
I sorta liked the justifiably confused dog's sad face and having to contend with the new living arrangements.
Because mournful looking dogs are always funny.
posted by quin at 12:53 PM on July 20, 2009
Because mournful looking dogs are always funny.
posted by quin at 12:53 PM on July 20, 2009
No self-respecting aging hippie would be caught dead (a) shopping from SkyMall, (b) putting a cornball cutesy doormat on their stoop.
Wait. Hypocrisy and consumerism isn't characteristic of aginghippies babyboomers?
posted by JimmyJames at 12:55 PM on July 20, 2009
Wait. Hypocrisy and consumerism isn't characteristic of aging
posted by JimmyJames at 12:55 PM on July 20, 2009
box, according to wikipedia, no true scotsman would commit brutal sexual assaults against women. Or, at least, so goes the phrase.
posted by Squid Voltaire at 12:59 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by Squid Voltaire at 12:59 PM on July 20, 2009
Not self-respecting ones. Surely there's one or two left?
Surely?
...Okay, never mind, you're right.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:00 PM on July 20, 2009
Surely?
...Okay, never mind, you're right.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:00 PM on July 20, 2009
Just a couple more, and then I swear I rilly will stop:
They're he-e-e-e-re...
===
Look deeply into my paddle...you WILL miss the serve...you WILL miss the serve...
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:02 PM on July 20, 2009
They're he-e-e-e-re...
===
Look deeply into my paddle...you WILL miss the serve...you WILL miss the serve...
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:02 PM on July 20, 2009
Posts of funny sites are good. Posts of funny sites that spawn comments linking to other funny sites are great. Thanks all!
posted by adamms222 at 1:05 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by adamms222 at 1:05 PM on July 20, 2009
"Oh...What a lovely lamp. I just remembered that I have to go to work early tomorrow. Raincheck on that nightcap?"
posted by iamkimiam at 1:06 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by iamkimiam at 1:06 PM on July 20, 2009
No flight is really complete until I check SkyMall for the electric pop up hot dog toaster.
posted by contessa at 1:08 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by contessa at 1:08 PM on July 20, 2009
I don't know about SkyMall, jsavimbi, but I definately have noticed that you haven't been giving enough work to models of color.
I don't know what you mean.
posted by jsavimbi at 1:21 PM on July 20, 2009
I don't know what you mean.
posted by jsavimbi at 1:21 PM on July 20, 2009
The measuring cup that Greg_Ace linked is awesomely disturbing.
Nothing creates a hunger for desert like "Volume of body cells that die on a good day".
posted by quin at 1:25 PM on July 20, 2009
Nothing creates a hunger for desert like "Volume of body cells that die on a good day".
posted by quin at 1:25 PM on July 20, 2009
The caption on this one reminded me of a funny story.
A few years ago, I was hanging out with a really close friend of mine who we'll call Tim*. He's a very outspoken, rough, scrappy and socially inappropriate but lovable guy who rides motorcycles (and actually crashes them more often than he rides them) and smokes cigarettes and says dumb things often. While we were catching up, two girl friends of mine stopped by. The four of us were an oddly mixed bunch, but I could tell that one of the girls, Mary™, was definitely interested in Tim, and he was returning the vibe as well. So when she suggested that going to the new vegan place in Berkeley called "Cafe Gratitude" for lunch, we all had sufficient motivation for dragging ourselves there.
Now, Cafe Gratitude is more than just an eatery. It's a theme restaurant, but reify'ed with all sorts of mantras and social conventions and table games, with the seeming intention to help you find spirituality and peace through food. The tables are community style, and the waitresses sit down with you, 'at your level' to discuss your food options. The menu items all have names – not traditional names, like "Sliders" or "The Kitchen Sink", but adjectives and nouns that describe states of being, such as "I am Adventurous" or "I am Creative." No, seriously. And this will be important in a second.
So we all order our desired states and feelings, except for Tim, who gets a large coffee because they have neither meat nor "I am Pissed about my parking violation" on the menu. We're having inappropriate conversation, much to the dismay of our nearby table guests. We tinker with the table game, which is some sort of contemplative deep thoughts Q&A-type validation thing. Finally, the waitress returns, and much to our surprise starts reciting back our menu items as she hands us our plates of raw food (oh, that's right, I forgot to mention that its mostly raw food there). Tim's not paying attention, but his cup of coffee comes next. As the waitress sets it before him, she looks him dead in his eyes, possibly checking his soul, and says, "YOU, you are Hugely Courageous." Confused but unphased by convention, Tim figures this is part of some form of trickery, or possibly a warning. So he looks down at the cup, at the other plates, and back to her and says, "What? This thing taste like shit or something?"
*Because that's his name.
™Not real name. Not trademarked either. Just the first symbol that came up in keyboard mash.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:44 PM on July 20, 2009 [9 favorites]
A few years ago, I was hanging out with a really close friend of mine who we'll call Tim*. He's a very outspoken, rough, scrappy and socially inappropriate but lovable guy who rides motorcycles (and actually crashes them more often than he rides them) and smokes cigarettes and says dumb things often. While we were catching up, two girl friends of mine stopped by. The four of us were an oddly mixed bunch, but I could tell that one of the girls, Mary™, was definitely interested in Tim, and he was returning the vibe as well. So when she suggested that going to the new vegan place in Berkeley called "Cafe Gratitude" for lunch, we all had sufficient motivation for dragging ourselves there.
Now, Cafe Gratitude is more than just an eatery. It's a theme restaurant, but reify'ed with all sorts of mantras and social conventions and table games, with the seeming intention to help you find spirituality and peace through food. The tables are community style, and the waitresses sit down with you, 'at your level' to discuss your food options. The menu items all have names – not traditional names, like "Sliders" or "The Kitchen Sink", but adjectives and nouns that describe states of being, such as "I am Adventurous" or "I am Creative." No, seriously. And this will be important in a second.
So we all order our desired states and feelings, except for Tim, who gets a large coffee because they have neither meat nor "I am Pissed about my parking violation" on the menu. We're having inappropriate conversation, much to the dismay of our nearby table guests. We tinker with the table game, which is some sort of contemplative deep thoughts Q&A-type validation thing. Finally, the waitress returns, and much to our surprise starts reciting back our menu items as she hands us our plates of raw food (oh, that's right, I forgot to mention that its mostly raw food there). Tim's not paying attention, but his cup of coffee comes next. As the waitress sets it before him, she looks him dead in his eyes, possibly checking his soul, and says, "YOU, you are Hugely Courageous." Confused but unphased by convention, Tim figures this is part of some form of trickery, or possibly a warning. So he looks down at the cup, at the other plates, and back to her and says, "What? This thing taste like shit or something?"
*Because that's his name.
™Not real name. Not trademarked either. Just the first symbol that came up in keyboard mash.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:44 PM on July 20, 2009 [9 favorites]
I enjoyed the link. Thanks Potomac Avenue.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:33 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:33 PM on July 20, 2009
Kind of a lot of fat jokes for my taste.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:52 PM on July 20, 2009
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:52 PM on July 20, 2009
O'Hare is nice this time of year
I check my bags and find my seat and buy a beer and settle in
Such is my life here on the road
Now my seat back is up, tray table stowed and there's nothing to do
I gotta get myself through
So I am shopping in SkyMall
That five-mile-high mall
That always has just what I need
When I get to the gate and remember too late
I should have brought something to read
I'm OK, cause I know that I'm gonna shop SkyMall
I bought a pair of bonsai trees
I bought a big fake rock where I can hide my keys from everyone
And I imagine what all my friends would say
To see this lovable Santa dance and sway to my favorite songs
My favorite holiday songs
And I am shopping in SkyMall
That five-mile-high mall
That always has just what I need
When I get to the gate and remember too late
I should have brought something to read
I'm OK, cause I know that I'm gonna shop SkyMall
In Cleveland, I bought a replica of the sword that was broken
And then somewhere above Detroit some Successories that say “Lead with Vision”
I love you best when I'm away
And while I'm out here I look forward to the day when I come home
Cause there's something special waiting there
It's a whimsical statue of a bear that holds a bottle of wine
But please don't touch it, it's mine
Because I bought it in SkyMall
That five-mile-high mall
That always has just what I need
When I get to the gate and remember too late
I should have brought something to read
It's OK, cause I know that I'm gonna shop SkyMall
Cause I know that I'm gonna shop SkyMall
- Jonathan Coulton
posted by blue_beetle at 3:25 PM on July 20, 2009
I check my bags and find my seat and buy a beer and settle in
Such is my life here on the road
Now my seat back is up, tray table stowed and there's nothing to do
I gotta get myself through
So I am shopping in SkyMall
That five-mile-high mall
That always has just what I need
When I get to the gate and remember too late
I should have brought something to read
I'm OK, cause I know that I'm gonna shop SkyMall
I bought a pair of bonsai trees
I bought a big fake rock where I can hide my keys from everyone
And I imagine what all my friends would say
To see this lovable Santa dance and sway to my favorite songs
My favorite holiday songs
And I am shopping in SkyMall
That five-mile-high mall
That always has just what I need
When I get to the gate and remember too late
I should have brought something to read
I'm OK, cause I know that I'm gonna shop SkyMall
In Cleveland, I bought a replica of the sword that was broken
And then somewhere above Detroit some Successories that say “Lead with Vision”
I love you best when I'm away
And while I'm out here I look forward to the day when I come home
Cause there's something special waiting there
It's a whimsical statue of a bear that holds a bottle of wine
But please don't touch it, it's mine
Because I bought it in SkyMall
That five-mile-high mall
That always has just what I need
When I get to the gate and remember too late
I should have brought something to read
It's OK, cause I know that I'm gonna shop SkyMall
Cause I know that I'm gonna shop SkyMall
- Jonathan Coulton
posted by blue_beetle at 3:25 PM on July 20, 2009
When I'm bored on a plane I flip through the SkyMall catalog and see which of the items I would take a) for free, and b) if someone paid me as much as they're charging for it.
Surprisingly short lists, both of them.
posted by gottabefunky at 3:37 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
Surprisingly short lists, both of them.
posted by gottabefunky at 3:37 PM on July 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
Pure chindogu.
I confess to using a shower squeegee, though I didn't buy it on SkyMall. It reduces the humidity level in the shower afterwards and discourages mold.
posted by bad grammar at 4:25 PM on July 20, 2009
I confess to using a shower squeegee, though I didn't buy it on SkyMall. It reduces the humidity level in the shower afterwards and discourages mold.
posted by bad grammar at 4:25 PM on July 20, 2009
I try to avoid looking at SkyMall as long as I can when I'm on a plane. Mostly because I know it's going to be the brightest source of entertainment on that flight and I don't want to waste it too soon.
posted by Jon-o at 6:59 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Jon-o at 6:59 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]
Captivating Lamp Could Never Fall for You, Probably Dating Some Handsome, Successful Lamp
Story of my life, bro. Story of my life.
posted by reenum at 7:06 PM on July 20, 2009
Story of my life, bro. Story of my life.
posted by reenum at 7:06 PM on July 20, 2009
For a while I was nervous about flying (and I used to work as a flight attendant! But that was 8 years ago now, and I hadn't flown in a while). ANYWAY, I find the SkyMall to be a wonderfully soothing distraction from turbulence. It has an almost tranquilizing effect on me. I wonder if that is it's true purpose.
posted by spacewaitress at 1:20 PM on July 21, 2009
posted by spacewaitress at 1:20 PM on July 21, 2009
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posted by box at 12:16 PM on July 20, 2009 [1 favorite]