More Than a Best Friend

March 7, 2010 9:11 AM

Are you using the full potential of your dog? Dog-powered cars, then and now. Dog-powered scooters, bikes, and skateboards (previously). Churn butter. Drive sewing machines. Turn roasting spits. Power your home or vehicle with dog poop biofuel. Pull a cart with your dog. Ride your dog. Monkey riding a dog.
posted by Chinese Jet Pilot (36 comments total)

Think of them as tiny horses.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:16 AM on March 7, 2010

Aw, man! No! Poor puppies! Dogs are for belly-scratching and snausage-feeding, not machine-powering.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:17 AM on March 7, 2010

Dogs need a sense of purpose to avoid getting into a funk. A dog without a job is like a cat without claws.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:18 AM on March 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

DecemberBoy, you are sooo wrong. Clearly, dogs are for monkey transport. Just look at that last link!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:18 AM on March 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

We're gonna go rabbit hunting once I get my license.

I think putting food on the table qualifies as potential fulfillment.
posted by Netzapper at 9:19 AM on March 7, 2010

Just look at that last link!

OK, I will admit that one was pretty awesome. I will concede that dogs are also, in certain circumstances, for monkey transport.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:20 AM on March 7, 2010

Ride your dog? Seriously? The last time I tried that, I was about 4, and I still have the scars.
posted by Solomon at 9:24 AM on March 7, 2010

video of the cowboy monkey in action
posted by idiopath at 9:25 AM on March 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

I like that they gave the dog traction booties for the wood floor.
posted by Decimask at 9:26 AM on March 7, 2010

I used to have a whole set up where I would wear roller skates and my leashed dog would pull me at warp speed until I yelled STOP!! Then he'd sit down and if I didn't brake, I'd go whizzing past him. I was 8, and it was the fastest way to get to my friends' houses. The dog in question was a black lab pup, and he had more energy than we knew what to do with. This was my 8 year old solution to getting him exercise. Plus I thought it was the coolest trick ever.

Now I'm upset. I clearly should have had access to a butter churning machine. Or a monkey. Then I *really* could have turned heads.
posted by routergirl at 9:32 AM on March 7, 2010 [4 favorites]

I saw some monkeys race on dogs once (the "Banana Derby") at the NY State Fair one year.

Let me tell you, it truly is the sport of kings.
posted by champthom at 9:39 AM on March 7, 2010

I read something claiming that a dog == an SUV in terms of contributing to pollution/resource usage/etc. Which, given the factory food et al, is probably true enough.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:42 AM on March 7, 2010

I read something claiming that a dog == an SUV in terms of contributing to pollution/resource usage/etc.

Previously
posted by elizardbits at 9:54 AM on March 7, 2010

Thanks elizardbits. I couldn't find that thread.
posted by Decimask at 9:57 AM on March 7, 2010

My beagle's job is to hold her blankets down on the floor. Even at the age of 14, she performs her job like a champ.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:59 AM on March 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

That WikiHow article says dogs can carry up to 45% of their body weight. So, I just need to find a 571 lb dog, and then I can ride it? That would be quite a thing. Just don't throw a stick, or you'll have 828 lbs of dog+FishBike barreling towards you to return it.
posted by FishBike at 10:06 AM on March 7, 2010

Just look at that last link!

The legendary Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey.
posted by Ufez Jones at 10:11 AM on March 7, 2010

Oh my god, Whiskey the Turnspit is/was freaking adorable.
posted by bettafish at 10:12 AM on March 7, 2010

Meanwhile, my cat looks over my shoulder and thinks, "Stupid dogs. They just. Don't. Get. It." and then settles back into his life of pampered luxury.

Scoop your box? Right away, sir! Wuddums like tuna or salmon tonight? Awww, I wuv oo! OW! That hurt!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:15 AM on March 7, 2010 [4 favorites]

Tell me I'm not the only one who clicked the last link first.
posted by cazoo at 10:44 AM on March 7, 2010

I skijor with my dog. She loves it and it is un-freaking-believable how fast and far a medium sized 45lb dog can haul your ass (obviously I help by actively skiing, especially on the uphills). She loves it and goes bonkers when I get her harness out. I think she enjoys it so much because she can run and run and run and never have to wait for me. I'm right there!
posted by fshgrl at 11:11 AM on March 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Thanks for the video, ideopath; the mount and rider work together like a well-oiled machine. When they are not looking like the monkey is sauced to the gills!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:14 AM on March 7, 2010

I was at the start of the Iditarod dog sled race in Anchorage yesterday and was amazed at both how small these well bred Alaskan mutts are and how much love and respect there is between musher and dog.

They might have the footprint of an SUV but they also have the torque. And what SUV can pull you out of a ditch and then shower you with affectionate kisses afterwards?
posted by salishsea at 11:25 AM on March 7, 2010

The dog shit powered bus link is an April fool by the way
posted by A189Nut at 12:24 PM on March 7, 2010

Skijoring sounds awesome! If there were only a version for warm-weather climes. Skatejoring?
posted by JHarris at 12:27 PM on March 7, 2010

Doggie wagon, 2009 version.
posted by ambrosia at 1:01 PM on March 7, 2010

Hello dog owners. Look at your dog. Now back to me. Now back at your dog. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me. But if you quit your job and spent your days training him, he could pull a cart like me. Look down; back up. Where are you? You're on a scooter with the dog your dog could sew like. What's that in your hand? Back at me; I have it — it's a baggie with the dog-poop biofuel you love. Look again; the dog poop is now freshly-churned butter. Everything is possible when your dog is well-trained and not named Lady.

I'm on a dog.
posted by nicwolff at 1:15 PM on March 7, 2010 [6 favorites]

When the gasoline runs out and the apocalypse comes, the dogs will power our skullcars in a crazy Mad Max dystopian sequel that is filled with puppies.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:45 PM on March 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

I've trained my dog to post my comments on Metafilter as I dictate them. He does a pretty good job, and since he's a dog he has no thoughts of his own, so isn't going to screw with my posts.









fkng sshl.

/wag
posted by Elmore at 2:48 PM on March 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Skijoring sounds awesome! If there were only a version for warm-weather climes. Skatejoring?

There is inline skate-joring for sure. Lots of my friends do it in the summer (I don't because I am a wuss about falling on asphalt). There is also "bike-joring" which is not the same as letting your dog run alongside the bike, they actually pull. Invest in good disk brakes and wear a helmet is all I have to say about that!
posted by fshgrl at 3:00 PM on March 7, 2010

And then there's Knitting with Dog Hair.
posted by acb at 3:22 PM on March 7, 2010

Dogs were commonly used as pack animals in Europe up and through WWI, particularly in the low countries. They were usually terribly mistreated, worked to death and left to die on the side of the road. Dogs wear out quick, but they are nearly free to obtain, so no need to spare the rod, spoil the puppy. A famous story was written about it called A Dog of Flanders (LibriVox) which is pretty good. It was sort of the Black Beauty of its day drawing attention to the plight of working dogs.
posted by stbalbach at 4:17 PM on March 7, 2010

And then there's Knitting with Dog Hair.
I'm going to be rich! Rich! Woo hoo!
posted by GeckoDundee at 4:40 PM on March 7, 2010

Dogs wear out quick

Tell that to my dog.
posted by Netzapper at 4:47 PM on March 7, 2010

Whiplash the Dog Riding Monkey, previously on the Blue.

I love that little monkey.
posted by GamblingBlues at 7:05 PM on March 7, 2010

Somewhere, cat scientists are devising the next iteration of technology that will allow a cat to fully neutralize the excess energy produced by any nearby dog-machine combination, no matter how advanced the machinery undergirding that combination.

The balance will be restored.
posted by darth_tedious at 9:29 AM on March 8, 2010