FloJuggler

June 9, 2010 6:30 PM

FloJuggler: Track periods of one or more girls. Seriously. The site's FAQ if you're wondering why you'd want to use such a service.
posted by GuyZero (61 comments total)

um, no.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:33 PM on June 9, 2010

please be trolling please be trolling please be trolling please be trolling please be trolling please be trolling
posted by Nothing... and like it at 6:34 PM on June 9, 2010

I feel compelled to mention that I don't exactly endorse this per se but you know, there it is, in its dubious glory.
posted by GuyZero at 6:34 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

This site is incredibly dumb. I remember someone on a forum I visited once trying to convince us that this would be a good idea so guys would know when to baby their girlfriends and other misogynistic bullshit.
posted by wooh at 6:35 PM on June 9, 2010

The only winning move is not to play click.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 6:35 PM on June 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

Er, does this really need a website? Even if you're a pervert or mysogynist who needs to know this, you could easily use paper calender technology to figure it out.

And the site says not to use it as birth control, so there goes people who want to use the rhythm system. Which is probably for the best.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:36 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

If I want to know about period habits I just put cameras in their bathrooms. Much easier. That and go through trash.
posted by wooh at 6:39 PM on June 9, 2010 [6 favorites]

Ugh. I'm sure this will be completely uncontroversial. *eyeroll*
posted by zarq at 6:41 PM on June 9, 2010

Is this eponysterical?
posted by sfts2 at 6:42 PM on June 9, 2010

Women are not Swiss watches.

(If you know what I mean. And I think you do.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:47 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Women are not Swiss watches.

But if the program is smart enough, it could raise its predictive accuracy over time. With enough data, that is.
posted by zarq at 6:53 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

"This site is not a condom."
posted by frobozz at 6:55 PM on June 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

My point being, data changes. Stress, hormonal changes with aging, etc. etc.....maybe you can set your watch by some women but most of us aren't even as accurate as a broken clock (right twice a day.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:56 PM on June 9, 2010 [4 favorites]

I uh.. really? Is this actually so hard to do? With almost all the women I work with, I just know which day they want a lower back massage. Not misogynistic, obviously--no stupid baby treatment. Just back massage, which is generally followed by a demand for chocolate, heh.

Sometimes it's good to be the guy who makes desserts!
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 6:57 PM on June 9, 2010

Let's say you coach a women's soccer team. The big game is at the end of the season and you want to make sure that the majority of your team is 100% focused on their playing.

Wait. I don't even understand this. Does this mean you schedule the big game for that one day when nobody is starting her period? Or does it mean that you only choose girls who won't be pre-menstrual to play? What is so bizarre to me is the assumption that girls have nothing else to distract them except their periods.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:58 PM on June 9, 2010

fools! web2.0 sites end in a consonant followed by the letter r! no one will ever take this site seriously.
posted by oonh at 7:07 PM on June 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

Nice that they took care to throw the spigot with a red drip into a favicon.
posted by cashman at 7:07 PM on June 9, 2010

Why would you want to do that? Let's say you have two tickets to the big concert and you want to get lucky afterwards because… well… the tickets are $75 each so… you have a list of possible candidates but you're just not sure which one is on her flo.

Jesus fucking christ
posted by threetoed at 7:07 PM on June 9, 2010 [9 favorites]

I'm going to go ahead and blindly assume that this site features integration with all my other social networking services so I can share and compare data with my friends and colleagues.
posted by Jimbob at 7:09 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

They mention that in the FAQ and, sadly, it will not update your Facebook wall Farmville-style, no.
posted by GuyZero at 7:10 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

so guys would know when to baby their girlfriends

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
posted by acb at 7:28 PM on June 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

It's called FloJugular 'cause it bleeds!
posted by Frank Grimes at 7:31 PM on June 9, 2010

While I agree that the presentation of the site and its associated app could do with some serious rework, I don't have a problem with its essential purpose, perhaps because I'm interested in personal biological tracking data - I use my iPhone to wirelessly track my weight, lean mass, runs, workouts, calories and general health, and choose to share some of that information publicly. I would prefer this to be an opt-in process, a kind of personal sync between committed partners: "Here's my cycle, just so you know." Even the most well-intentioned partner isn't a mind (or body) reader.

(Suggestion No. 1 would be to add in ovulation markers for women trying to become pregnant, or avoid pregnancy via the rhythm method - they probably haven't done so to avoid legal responsibility, but the lack contributes to the (deserved) poor impression of the app).
posted by Bora Horza Gobuchul at 7:40 PM on June 9, 2010

My old company built one of these for the Midol site. Somehow even 15 years ago, I was able to convince designers and developers with just a glare not to snicker and to save the jokes for when we got back to the office.

Sometimes, when I can't really explain what I do for a living to my parents/grandparents/relatives, I should tell them that story. Because that's a big part of my job.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:49 PM on June 9, 2010

I hate you, Internet.
posted by jessamyn at 7:54 PM on June 9, 2010 [24 favorites]

Some of the language on the site is offensive, the name is laughable, and the logo is downright ridiculous... but it's not actually that bad of an idea, for those who like to organize all aspects of their life using online mechanisms.
posted by thedotorg at 7:58 PM on June 9, 2010

Rest assured that in the event of a hacker attack that none of your menstrual information will be used to steal your idenetity or make any false purchases.

Okay, that's kinda funny.
posted by dammitjim at 8:02 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

I am experiencing the overwhelming urge to stab this site's creator in the face and I am reasonably sure that PMS has nothing to do with it.
posted by elizardbits at 8:13 PM on June 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

Any women who want to use a website that's less lolwoman, I use monthlyinfo.com. They do send email reminders and stuff.
posted by Danila at 8:16 PM on June 9, 2010

By accessing, viewing, downloading or otherwise using Flojuggler or any webpage or feature available through Flojuggler [...] you conclude a legally binding agreement with Flojuggler Corporation, 666 Hades Lane, San Francisco, California 94107

Heh.
posted by kid ichorous at 8:17 PM on June 9, 2010

mccarty.tim: "And the site says not to use it as birth control, so there goes people who want to use the rhythm system. Which is probably for the best.

Q. What do you call couples who use the rhythm method for birth control?
A. Parents.
posted by mullingitover at 8:21 PM on June 9, 2010

Wow. This will totally replace my current system of 1) generally not concerning myself with it, 2) asking if for some reason it seems important, and 3) trusting that she'll just inform me if it is, in fact, important for some reason.

In further studies, it turns out that women are not, in fact, werewolves, as was previously suspected.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:23 PM on June 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

My point being, data changes. Stress, hormonal changes with aging, etc. etc.....maybe you can set your watch by some women but most of us aren't even as accurate as a broken clock (right twice a day.)

True, true.

I'm mostly trying to rationalize something I'm completely appalled by.
posted by zarq at 8:32 PM on June 9, 2010

In further studies, it turns out that women are not, in fact, werewolves, as was previously suspected.

LAME

STREAM

MEDIA

HORSESHIT
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 8:34 PM on June 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

Come on guys, if you want to know if a woman is on her period, just ask.
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:38 PM on June 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

Should I introduce myself first?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:41 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Avoid embarrassment, frustration, and uncomfortable situations

What might those be, exactly?
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:43 PM on June 9, 2010

Should I introduce myself first?

Sure, if you want to be Señor Quaint.
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:48 PM on June 9, 2010

It looks like I'd have to sign up to satisfy my curiosity about whether or not the designer has accounted for things like Seasonique and whatnot. And, honestly, how many women's cycles do you actually need to track? Juggling implies you have at least three balls in the air. I can't even justify this as some kind of "I did this for my portfolio" project. What's the business model here? The EULA is pretty sweet, but it looks to be boilerplate and without any hint at a plan for bilking people out of the hemobucks they are presumably saving on these expensive tickets. Exactly how do you capitalize on the vanishingly small number of people who are in the categories:

A) Internet-obsessed pimps, Web 2.0 madams, and people who manage harems for the ultrarich
B) menstruation fetishists
C) Tiger Woods

Just how many people are going to track "hella flos" and how does he plan to monetize these eyeballs? Partner with FTD to send "Sorry about your staying at the Red Roof Inn" balloons? His resume isn't bad, but ... damned if I can figure out exactly where this is going. At least he didn't register it as http://leeds.eu or something equally tasteful.
posted by adipocere at 8:52 PM on June 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

a legally binding agreement with Flojuggler Corporation, 666 Hades Lane, San Francisco, California 94107

Ah. So this is a joke yes?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:04 PM on June 9, 2010

That, and the fact that the EULA is clumsily cut-and-pasted from LinkedIn (just do a search for LinkedIn on the page-- at one point he even failed to edit out the contact information for their legal department) makes me think this is a combination portfolio piece / attempt to troll rather than a site anyone is supposed to actually use.
posted by Nothing... and like it at 9:16 PM on June 9, 2010

It looks like I'd have to sign up to satisfy my curiosity about whether or not the designer has accounted for things like Seasonique and whatnot.

Nah, you just have to use the login he helpfully provides in the "Technical Case Studies" section of his portfolio site, which I linked above:

http://www.flojuggler.com
login:[e-mail]
password:passthis
posted by Nothing... and like it at 9:20 PM on June 9, 2010

wait wait guys how about my new flowjuggalo so you can track which ICP fans are drenched in faygo
posted by klangklangston at 9:45 PM on June 9, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm really glad that the info I upload can't possibly be used to "steal my idenetity". 'Cuz ya know I always pick stuff about my period as the security question for my bank account...
posted by hoperaiseshell at 9:49 PM on June 9, 2010

If they're not drenched in Faygo, then they're not really down wit da clown.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 10:54 PM on June 9, 2010

My girlfriend is type I diabetic and has the most erratic periods of any woman I've ever known. I see this a a means to help me understand her vs. a computed normal cycle. Hopefully it will adjust with further input and help me know, but even if it doesn't it will help me understand a small subset of her health issues.

My daughter is turning 14 this autumn... thank the FSM I don't have to worry about this yet, but I will NEED to know so that I have appropriate... uh, supplies on hand when she is with me (two weeks out of every four).

My natural mother is Scylla and Charybdis with a fair bit of Circe thrown in for one week out of every four. We are exploring the nature of our adult relationship (the one where I actually take her calls again and where she doesn't take any random disagreement as an excuse for why she walked out me), and I can see how this might help in that regard.

The marketing side... well, I'm actually amused, but I can see how it would offend many. But there ARE use-cases for such a thing. As bad as the marketing is, I dunno how they might make it less... crass.

At least they made it, and it seems the professionally ruffled of feather are getting good mileage out of it.
posted by drfu at 12:35 AM on June 10, 2010

Is There An App For This?

(afraid to look)
posted by Jimbob at 12:46 AM on June 10, 2010

As bad as the marketing is, I dunno how they might make it less... crass.

Maybe the dude who made this could at least make an attempt to approach a topic like this with actual thought and sensitivity instead of, I'm just going out on a limb here, suggesting that getting one's dick wet by the strategic use of concert tickets ie. the tracking of multiple women's menstrual cycles is a cool and awesome thing to do

Of course that's assuming that the developer actually made this with the best of intentions, after careful and masterful analysis of legitimate use cases, and that it is only an unfortunate accident that the entire website ended up as a "lolwomenpms" joke, and we should obviously give the developer the benefit of the doub-ahaha ok you know what, my sarcasm supply is running low so I'm just going to bow out now and go to sleep
posted by threetoed at 1:36 AM on June 10, 2010

I cant decide what is most horrifying. The idea. The implementation. The language. The fact that the developer considers this such a good idea that it is part of his online portfolio, that he gives a public username/password to it allowing anyone to dump all over the site, or that there is a Facebook 'Like' button with 3000 likes!!!!

(brain assplodes)

Jimbob: no, but the pages are iphone-friendly!

And no it doesn't 'learn'. It's about as complex as setting up a X day event in Google calendar that repeats every Y days...
And google calendar has the added bonus of you being able to obfuscate the event and not get email alerts from www.shesontherag.com... (fortunately that domain does not exist).
posted by nielm at 2:35 AM on June 10, 2010

uh, supplies on hand when she is with me (two weeks out of every four).

The answer to when you should have uh supplies on hand is 'always.' It's not actually the type of special occasion where you want to run out and buy balloons or something. Just keep them around.

And (not directing this at you specifically drfu, btw) the way to find out if a woman has (or will have) her period is to ask, as in, "Do you have your period?"
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:02 AM on June 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

The answer to when you should have uh supplies on hand is 'always.'

Especially for girls just beginning their menstrual cycles; it sometimes takes a year or more before the periods come in a regular pattern. So typically a Young woman might get her first period than nothing for 3 months, then every two weeks, etc.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:47 AM on June 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

St. Alia of the Bunnies : Women are not Swiss watches.
(If you know what I mean. And I think you do.)

Men will never know what makes a woman tick?

This might have been funnier if I wasn't 8 hours late to the thread. And no 'jokes' about being late...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 5:08 AM on June 10, 2010

Is There An App For This?

Actually there are several, including iPeriod; the best thing is they are all free!

The answer to when you should have uh supplies on hand is 'always.'

That is one option, but (especially when I was single and didn't have to plan ahead as much) going to the store for feminine hygiene products was never a big deal for me; I just took the attitude of some comedian I heard talk about this years ago: "Sure I'm buying tampons; that just proves I have a girlfriend and she's not pregnant!"

Finally, this thread needs The Feminine Hygiene Song.
posted by TedW at 5:26 AM on June 10, 2010

There are several cellphone apps for tracking your period and all the surrounding symptoms. Useful if you're trying to conceive/figure out cycle weirdness.

As for this software, I'd totally use it to test whether several women living together really synchronise their cycles!
posted by Omnomnom at 6:32 AM on June 10, 2010

My daughter is turning 14 this autumn... thank the FSM I don't have to worry about this yet, but I will NEED to know so that I have appropriate... uh, supplies on hand when she is with me (two weeks out of every four).

So OT but actually, you might want to go ahead and get some pads or something and just leave them in your bathroom... after all there's a 50/50 chance it'll happen when she's with you, right? And you really don't want to leave her in the bathroom while you make an emergency run to the store. (I was 12 when I got mine... just sayin.)
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:42 AM on June 10, 2010

Agreeing with Danila that monthlyinfo.com is an actual helpful non-lulzy site for this sort of tracking. (Would say more, but that would be TMI, at least as far as I'd ever want to share with the internets.)
posted by epersonae at 9:47 AM on June 10, 2010

Web Two Point Aunt Flow?
posted by stratastar at 10:36 AM on June 10, 2010

Is this actually so hard to do? With almost all the women I work with, I just know which day they want a lower back massage. Not misogynistic, obviously--no stupid baby treatment. Just back massage, which is generally followed by a demand for chocolate, heh.

Maybe this isn't misogynistic, but it's still unpleasant. The idea that women (even just "almost all" of them) want back rubs and chocolate is too close to the FAQ's "Let's say you have a house full of girls ages 10 and up along with mom and Aunt Sue. You want to know when half the house is gonna be 'edgy'" for me.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:37 PM on June 10, 2010

Word. I'd rather have that lego rifle and some unsuspecting coworker targets than some lameass chocolate.
posted by elizardbits at 6:16 PM on June 10, 2010

Omnomnom: "As for this software, I'd totally use it to test whether several women living together really synchronise their cycles!"

We do.

I went to a women's college. One dorm meeting started out with screaming and degenerated to screaming, crying and stomping off within 10 minutes. Someone yelled out, "Wait! Who is PMSing?"

Turns out we all were. The meeting was rescheduled for 2 weeks later. There was no screaming. No crying. No stomping. We finished our business in about a half hour, and all left smiling.
posted by QIbHom at 9:21 AM on June 11, 2010

If you want to keep track of your own, monthlyinfo is pretty nice. Granted I suppose most women don't need to do this, but they give information on what the heck is going on with your body during each phase, and if you like customizable reminders (if you're relatively regular) and easy-to-keep data on your cycles (if you're horribly irregular and need the record for your doctors) it's a nice place to do it.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 4:10 PM on June 11, 2010