Making The Movies Jealous
May 17, 2011 3:12 PM Subscribe
Yet another movie theater trailer marriage proposal. This time with live reaction shot so you can watch her watch as you watch!
That was pretty sweet.
But...Apparently I've been living under a rock. "Yet another..."???
posted by Thorzdad at 3:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
But...Apparently I've been living under a rock. "Yet another..."???
posted by Thorzdad at 3:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Sorry, these gimmicky proposals are all about guys who crave attention.
posted by davebush at 3:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [18 favorites]
posted by davebush at 3:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [18 favorites]
That was better than I thought it'd be. I do wonder, though, about the other people in the theater. I assume they weren't in on it. How much awkward hug-the-family time did they have to sit and watch before they resumed playing the movie?
posted by phunniemee at 3:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 3:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
Yeah, is this a thing? "Yet another..."? It seems like a lot of work to be a thing.
posted by GuyZero at 3:28 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by GuyZero at 3:28 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
I really do hate these.
Speaking of awful public proposals, though, anyone watch the finale of Survivor and see when that poor woman was forced into marriage on national television? Someone sure wasn't happy to be thrown into it so publicly.
posted by graventy at 3:29 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
Speaking of awful public proposals, though, anyone watch the finale of Survivor and see when that poor woman was forced into marriage on national television? Someone sure wasn't happy to be thrown into it so publicly.
posted by graventy at 3:29 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
Well, this jaded cynical old cow thought it was lovely. I cried. (But I cry at sitcom weddings too...)
posted by malibustacey9999 at 3:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by malibustacey9999 at 3:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Or better yet, he should have crawled through the screen, girl from The Ring style.
posted by ian1977 at 3:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [17 favorites]
posted by ian1977 at 3:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [17 favorites]
I thought that was sweet and funny, and not about the guy craving attention. Projecting much?
Also, haven't watched Survivor in ten years but I'm sure that a woman was not actually forced into marriage.
posted by GriffX at 3:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, haven't watched Survivor in ten years but I'm sure that a woman was not actually forced into marriage.
posted by GriffX at 3:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Well, there's been at least one other movie trailer proposal featured on MetaFilter. I've seen others, but I'm not finding them immediately on The Blue and don't feel like digging for them. It's certainly not a unique thing, although like snowflakes, every specimen is special.
posted by hippybear at 3:36 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by hippybear at 3:36 PM on May 17, 2011
two things are a thing, sure. I missed that last one. So this is a thing. Huh.
posted by GuyZero at 3:37 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by GuyZero at 3:37 PM on May 17, 2011
anyone watch the finale of Survivor and see when that poor woman was forced into marriage on national television?
Not that I'm admitting I'm an avid Survivor watcher or anything, but it seemed to me like maybe David (the proposer) had changed his mind about proposing on air since telling the producers pre-show, and Probst had to kind of nudge him into it. It was awkward all around.
posted by phunniemee at 3:37 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Not that I'm admitting I'm an avid Survivor watcher or anything, but it seemed to me like maybe David (the proposer) had changed his mind about proposing on air since telling the producers pre-show, and Probst had to kind of nudge him into it. It was awkward all around.
posted by phunniemee at 3:37 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
GuyZero: a Google search for "movie theater proposal" and then clicking through on the "more videos" link will yield several others, too. Not all of them are as charming as these two, IMO.
posted by hippybear at 3:41 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by hippybear at 3:41 PM on May 17, 2011
Or better yet, he should have crawled through the screen, girl from The Ring style.
Or better yet, he should've pulled one of these.
posted by knilstad at 3:44 PM on May 17, 2011
Or better yet, he should've pulled one of these.
posted by knilstad at 3:44 PM on May 17, 2011
If my guy did something like this for me, I would know it's about me not himself. Why? Because he's introverted and I'm hugely extroverted, making such a grand gesture shows that he gets me and that special events are made all the more special by the ones you share them with (ok, so perhaps family and friends rather than random movie goers..)
I vote that it's cute.
posted by raccoon409 at 3:46 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
I vote that it's cute.
posted by raccoon409 at 3:46 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, not to be rude, but does 60% of the content here come straight from Reddit?
posted by knilstad at 3:47 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by knilstad at 3:47 PM on May 17, 2011
Also, not to be rude, but does 60% of the content here come straight from Reddit?
I can't speak to the posts, but that is where I cut and paste my comments from including this one.
posted by ian1977 at 3:48 PM on May 17, 2011 [21 favorites]
I can't speak to the posts, but that is where I cut and paste my comments from including this one.
posted by ian1977 at 3:48 PM on May 17, 2011 [21 favorites]
Here's another recent proposal for you- the leading man of the just closed Broadway musical "Wonderland" proposes to his leading lady at the final performance.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:49 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:49 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
It's cute and everything, but you know what? 2 hours with an acting coach. Audit a class. Memorize your lines. Seriously, as much work as you put into this, and that's the read you're keeping?
posted by penduluum at 3:51 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by penduluum at 3:51 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Barf.
posted by mammary16 at 3:51 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mammary16 at 3:51 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also, haven't watched Survivor in ten years but I'm sure that a woman was not actually forced into marriage.
Maybe, maybe not.
posted by graventy at 3:51 PM on May 17, 2011
Maybe, maybe not.
posted by graventy at 3:51 PM on May 17, 2011
Or better yet, he should've pulled one of these.
And then somehow ended like this
(found by randomly clicking on imgur after following your link)
posted by ian1977 at 3:53 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
And then somehow ended like this
(found by randomly clicking on imgur after following your link)
posted by ian1977 at 3:53 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
Sorry, these gimmicky proposals are all about guys who crave attention.
Barf.
I really do hate these.
I'd be a little embarrassed by a production like this, myself, but you know what? I'm not the one in the spotlight. She is, and it's clearly the kind of thing she wanted. I like seeing people happy.
posted by katillathehun at 4:02 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
Barf.
I really do hate these.
I'd be a little embarrassed by a production like this, myself, but you know what? I'm not the one in the spotlight. She is, and it's clearly the kind of thing she wanted. I like seeing people happy.
posted by katillathehun at 4:02 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
I've sen a bunch of these, and this one was my least favorite. Soooooo looonnggggggg.
posted by Windigo at 4:15 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by Windigo at 4:15 PM on May 17, 2011
Also, not to be rude, but does 60% of the content here come straight from Reddit?
The only Reddit I ever read is when it's referenced here on MetaFilter. Like the Stephen Colbert IAMA interviews. I don't ever go there on my own.
If you have to know, the "via" here is Neatorama. Which, last I checked, isn't Reddit.
posted by hippybear at 4:17 PM on May 17, 2011
The only Reddit I ever read is when it's referenced here on MetaFilter. Like the Stephen Colbert IAMA interviews. I don't ever go there on my own.
If you have to know, the "via" here is Neatorama. Which, last I checked, isn't Reddit.
posted by hippybear at 4:17 PM on May 17, 2011
ugh, now i need to redo my mascara.
posted by cyberdad at 4:17 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by cyberdad at 4:17 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Pepsi FORD. Am I the only one cynical enough to be creeped out by those gratuitous and well framed product shots?
posted by iloveit at 4:17 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by iloveit at 4:17 PM on May 17, 2011
Yeah, the OMFG THAT'S SO SWEET! momentum sort of wore off by the time the trailer got to the part where he drove up to the theater, and bought the popcorn and all that.
posted by Lucinda at 4:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Lucinda at 4:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
these gimmicky proposals are all about guys who crave attention
Followed by a year of her getting all the attention. Followed by eighteen years and nine months of the kids getting all the attention. Followed by six months of his secretary getting all the attention. Followed by six months of the marriage counsellor getting all the attention. Followed by six months of his soon-to-be-ex best friend getting all the attention. Followed by three months of the divorce attorney getting all the attention. Followed by two months of his hot, Brazilian scuba instructor getting all the attention. Followed by two months of a wedding planner getting all the attention. Followed by two months of a private investigator trying to find the Brazilian scuba instructor and her con artist husband in the Bahamas. Followed by a guy who craves a little less attention from a hooded state worker with a hypodermic needle.
It's a classic story. Fucking gimmicky proposals! They ruin everything!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:21 PM on May 17, 2011 [22 favorites]
Followed by a year of her getting all the attention. Followed by eighteen years and nine months of the kids getting all the attention. Followed by six months of his secretary getting all the attention. Followed by six months of the marriage counsellor getting all the attention. Followed by six months of his soon-to-be-ex best friend getting all the attention. Followed by three months of the divorce attorney getting all the attention. Followed by two months of his hot, Brazilian scuba instructor getting all the attention. Followed by two months of a wedding planner getting all the attention. Followed by two months of a private investigator trying to find the Brazilian scuba instructor and her con artist husband in the Bahamas. Followed by a guy who craves a little less attention from a hooded state worker with a hypodermic needle.
It's a classic story. Fucking gimmicky proposals! They ruin everything!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:21 PM on May 17, 2011 [22 favorites]
Yeah, the OMFG THAT'S SO SWEET! momentum sort of wore off by the time the trailer got to the part where he drove up to the theater, and bought the popcorn and all that.
Agreed, Lucinda.
(I had a bitchy itch to edit...)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 4:22 PM on May 17, 2011
Agreed, Lucinda.
(I had a bitchy itch to edit...)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 4:22 PM on May 17, 2011
Followed by a year of her getting all the attention.
That wedding must be in the Guinness Book of World Records.
posted by muddgirl at 4:29 PM on May 17, 2011
That wedding must be in the Guinness Book of World Records.
posted by muddgirl at 4:29 PM on May 17, 2011
I was once forced to watch a public proposal video (taken at Seaworld, during a scuba dive) by the new-bling wearer during a grad school class (because she just happened to have it with her that day and the professor was all, sure, of course we want to see it!) and it was clear that the woman thought it all about her, and how her love inspired such a public declaration, and so on, and so forth. Seemed to have nothing to do with the guy in her eyes.
What strikes me about this proposal is how old fashioned the permission-asking scene is, all the stuff about "not taking her away" from the father. Ick. But I guess there's someone for everyone.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 4:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
What strikes me about this proposal is how old fashioned the permission-asking scene is, all the stuff about "not taking her away" from the father. Ick. But I guess there's someone for everyone.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 4:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
That wedding must be in the Guinness Book of World Records.
There are no stereotypes or hyperbole in my comment at all. It actually happened exactly like that.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:39 PM on May 17, 2011
There are no stereotypes or hyperbole in my comment at all. It actually happened exactly like that.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:39 PM on May 17, 2011
Sneering at people being joyful in a way you don't like is the new black.
posted by Kpele at 4:40 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Kpele at 4:40 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
No - it's the old, old black. The new black is muffins.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:43 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:43 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
Wow, I have to admit I'm knocked a bit sideways by all the cynical bitterness going on here. I think this is fabulous. Who cares if it's been done before? And who cares if his acting wasn't great? He's just some guy - which I think is the whole point. He had to have been nervous as all get-out, especially in the theater at the end, but he so obviously had a blast making it, and she obviously loved it. I don't understand this need to deconstruct and dismiss things like this; they didn't make it for anyone but themselves. And If I had been a stranger in the theater, I'd have been crying my eyes out, cos I love seeing people happy. Who doesn't?
Sorry if I seem defensive of people I obviously don't know, but there's so much miserable shit happening in the world right now, I think we need all the happy we can get.
posted by flyingsquirrel at 4:59 PM on May 17, 2011 [8 favorites]
Sorry if I seem defensive of people I obviously don't know, but there's so much miserable shit happening in the world right now, I think we need all the happy we can get.
posted by flyingsquirrel at 4:59 PM on May 17, 2011 [8 favorites]
they didn't make it for anyone but themselves
...which is why it's posted to the internet, complete with soundtrack and editing.
posted by muddgirl at 5:08 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
...which is why it's posted to the internet, complete with soundtrack and editing.
posted by muddgirl at 5:08 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
they didn't make it for anyone but themselves
This is demonstrably not true. It was a public spectacle, which was obviously part of the point, since it was deliberate.
Which doesn't bother me, personally. Just responding.
On the other hand, I will say this: All jokes aside, I wish people put half the thought and energy into thinking about what it means to be married that they put into how to get married.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:11 PM on May 17, 2011 [14 favorites]
This is demonstrably not true. It was a public spectacle, which was obviously part of the point, since it was deliberate.
Which doesn't bother me, personally. Just responding.
On the other hand, I will say this: All jokes aside, I wish people put half the thought and energy into thinking about what it means to be married that they put into how to get married.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:11 PM on May 17, 2011 [14 favorites]
I wish people put half the thought and energy into thinking about what it means to be married that they put into how to get married.
Ya know... you have a reputation in my brain as pretty much a purveyor of throwaway hilarity, but then you say things like this, and I have to give you kudos.
posted by hippybear at 5:15 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ya know... you have a reputation in my brain as pretty much a purveyor of throwaway hilarity, but then you say things like this, and I have to give you kudos.
posted by hippybear at 5:15 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
All jokes aside, I wish people put half the thought and energy into thinking about what it means to be married that they put into how to get married.
Well if they did that then no one would get married. :p
posted by ian1977 at 5:15 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Well if they did that then no one would get married. :p
posted by ian1977 at 5:15 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Points well taken -- they made it a very public thing -- but I still think the message was for her, and it was between them. Lots of proposals are public. And sure, these two open themselves up to snark and ridicule and criticism by posting it to YouTube. I guess it's that reaction -- the collective snark itself (not just here but pretty much everywhere) -- that gets to me. But then, I'm a hopeless romantic. So I have that going for me. Which is nice.
posted by flyingsquirrel at 5:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by flyingsquirrel at 5:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Well, if fewer people who felt they should get married gave it another good, long think, and more people who really want to get married were celebrated in their love and committment, wouldn't this be a slightly less shitty world?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:19 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:19 PM on May 17, 2011
All marriage stuff aside, I can't believe the beginning took place at a camp meeting campground! Such a great piece of Southern Americana that the rest of the world rarely sees.
posted by whimsicalnymph at 5:19 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by whimsicalnymph at 5:19 PM on May 17, 2011
:)
posted by Mike Mongo at 5:20 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by Mike Mongo at 5:20 PM on May 17, 2011
Well, if fewer people who felt they should get married gave it another good, long think, and more people who really want to get married were celebrated in their love and committment, wouldn't this be a slightly less shitty world?
Not for the wedding planners. Or the movie preview proposal directors.
posted by ian1977 at 5:24 PM on May 17, 2011
Not for the wedding planners. Or the movie preview proposal directors.
posted by ian1977 at 5:24 PM on May 17, 2011
Do you think that's a line item on somebody's resume, now? "Directed Jane & John Doe Wedding Proposal 2, Eclectic Bugaloo"?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:27 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:27 PM on May 17, 2011
Is this something I would have to be a warm-blooded mammal to understand?
posted by Papaver somniferum at 5:28 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Papaver somniferum at 5:28 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
No, but according to my latest study, there are lots of out of work film school grads. I will be surprised if I don't see a flyer at the coffee shop advertising moviepreview wedding proposal services right next to pilates instructors and wellness seminars.
posted by ian1977 at 5:29 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by ian1977 at 5:29 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Wait - film school grad wedding proposal movie previews would be awesome! Because nobody would be able to figure out what they were supposed to be about!!! Afterward, he'd be all, Uh - Don't you have something you want to say to me? And she'd be all, can you believe that preview they showed before the movie? Who would pay to see that?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:33 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
Ha! True. Somehow I envision it with this song as the soundtrack
posted by ian1977 at 5:35 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by ian1977 at 5:35 PM on May 17, 2011
I would totally marry someone who proposed to me with O Superman. Although my wife might get pissed off.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:39 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:39 PM on May 17, 2011
In a world without love. One he-mammal dares. To propose. The most sanctified of unions. Marriage. To a she-mammal. Who has hinted as much. 1,000 times. (cue music)
posted by ian1977 at 5:43 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by ian1977 at 5:43 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]
This is cute? Asking her father for permission, as if she is property to be passed from one man's possession to the next? Echoing mammary16: barf.
posted by Wordwoman at 5:45 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Wordwoman at 5:45 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
Let's not forget the real service that was being performed here: A movie theater full of people were spared, if only for six minutes, from seeing Fast Five.
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:56 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:56 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
This is cute? Asking her father for permission, as if she is property to be passed from one man's possession to the next?
I know, I was confused as to why he even asked her. He should have just said, I talked to your dad and this is a done deal. Get in the Ford.
posted by ian1977 at 5:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
I know, I was confused as to why he even asked her. He should have just said, I talked to your dad and this is a done deal. Get in the Ford.
posted by ian1977 at 5:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
It was too long. The voiceover sounded creepy (sort of like the Grindhouse "Thanksgiving" trailer). The "traditional" dad-asking thing struck me as baldly transactional. Could not watch to the end.
Honestly, it must be so exhausting to feel like every significant moment in your life has to be "BEST _____ EVER!" Yeah, I guess they have this great story to share and this video to show people. Probably more often than anyone will want to hear/see it.
posted by hermitosis at 5:59 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Honestly, it must be so exhausting to feel like every significant moment in your life has to be "BEST _____ EVER!" Yeah, I guess they have this great story to share and this video to show people. Probably more often than anyone will want to hear/see it.
posted by hermitosis at 5:59 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
What I'm waiting for is the elaborate movie trailer divorce proposal.
posted by MegoSteve at 6:15 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by MegoSteve at 6:15 PM on May 17, 2011
What I'm waiting for is the elaborate movie trailer divorce proposal.
Think he'd ask the Father-in-law's permission?
"In a world where Hell is here on Earth..."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:20 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Think he'd ask the Father-in-law's permission?
"In a world where Hell is here on Earth..."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:20 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
"In a world where Hell is here on Earth..."
Alternatively....
After 29 months of having to share his Ford, He-Mammal is going to have to learn how to drive solo. All over. Again. (cue music)
posted by ian1977 at 6:26 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Alternatively....
After 29 months of having to share his Ford, He-Mammal is going to have to learn how to drive solo. All over. Again. (cue music)
posted by ian1977 at 6:26 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
"In matrimony, no one can hear you scream!"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:27 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
I know you're out there looking up the link to Walking on Sunshine. Don't do it. Step awayyyy from the keyboard!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:30 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:30 PM on May 17, 2011
So it's misogynistic or something to talk to the father about marrying the daughter now? Or are we huffy because the father used the word "permission" or something?
I can't keep track of the things that piss us off.
posted by King Bee at 6:35 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
I can't keep track of the things that piss us off.
posted by King Bee at 6:35 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
I can't keep track of the things that piss us off.
I just assume everything pisses us off. Except for Werner Herzog. He seems to be exempt. For now.
posted by ian1977 at 6:36 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
I just assume everything pisses us off. Except for Werner Herzog. He seems to be exempt. For now.
posted by ian1977 at 6:36 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
So it's misogynistic or something to talk to the father about marrying the daughter now? Or are we huffy because the father used the word "permission" or something?
I can't keep track of the things that piss us off.
I'm going to respond to this earnestly, despite the fact that I suspect you're not asking in earnestness, but yes, asking the father, specifically, for permission to marry the daughter is a remnant of patriarchal traditions that view the woman as property that's transferred from her father's possession to her husband's.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:39 PM on May 17, 2011 [11 favorites]
I can't keep track of the things that piss us off.
I'm going to respond to this earnestly, despite the fact that I suspect you're not asking in earnestness, but yes, asking the father, specifically, for permission to marry the daughter is a remnant of patriarchal traditions that view the woman as property that's transferred from her father's possession to her husband's.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:39 PM on May 17, 2011 [11 favorites]
In a world without manners. One man holds true to an ancient tradition. He asks the father. For permission. To stick his peener in his daughter's hoo-hoo. But what the old man doesn't know. Is that he totally already has. A bajillion times. (cue music)
posted by ian1977 at 6:41 PM on May 17, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by ian1977 at 6:41 PM on May 17, 2011 [7 favorites]
Funny you should say that. Werner Herzog made my proposal movie trailer. It was awesome! We made it about a random person in the audience, who wasn't revealed until the very end. When we asked her father, he freaked, and had a heart attack on the spot. It was hilarious! Then a bear ate him.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:43 PM on May 17, 2011 [10 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:43 PM on May 17, 2011 [10 favorites]
my fiance asked my father for my hand, mostly bc my dad expected it. Then the old man cried like a baby - so cute!
posted by Neekee at 6:44 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by Neekee at 6:44 PM on May 17, 2011
Also, you might try what I do, King Bee. Keep a database of things that piss you off. But make sure it's robust.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:45 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:45 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Did your father cut off your hand, or did your fiance get to marry the whole bride?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:46 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:46 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
Werner Herzog made my proposal movie trailer.
"Where the prospective groom and bride sees their hopes and dreams personified, I see only misery and the dissolution of youth and the promise of suffering hiding behind dull shrew eyes."
posted by ian1977 at 6:49 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
"Where the prospective groom and bride sees their hopes and dreams personified, I see only misery and the dissolution of youth and the promise of suffering hiding behind dull shrew eyes."
posted by ian1977 at 6:49 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
This is what the husband-to-be says:
This is a far fucking cry from "I will give you 10 goats and a wheelbarrow, but thy daughter commands no larger dowry". Lighten up.
posted by King Bee at 6:49 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
I know how much she means to you. I know how much she means to you. I know she is your heart. I just want you to know that I love her too, and I am by no means trying to steal her away from you. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She is my heart, my friend, my everything. She is nothing like any woman I've met before, and she's everything I've ever wanted, and more. I want you to know I will protect her. I will honor and respect her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I didn't even know what real love is, but she is showing me and teaching me every day. It might be old-fashioned, it may not even be necessary, but it's important to me, and I know it's important to your daughter that I do this as well. I'd like to have your blessing, sir; may I have your daughter's hand in marriage?Then the father uses the word "permission".
This is a far fucking cry from "I will give you 10 goats and a wheelbarrow, but thy daughter commands no larger dowry". Lighten up.
posted by King Bee at 6:49 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
I am by no means trying to steal her away from you. I will pay you full price. Used rates.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:51 PM on May 17, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:51 PM on May 17, 2011 [7 favorites]
I didn't even know what real love is, but she is showing me and teaching me every day.
posted by ian1977 at 6:53 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by ian1977 at 6:53 PM on May 17, 2011
Yeah, OK, I get it now. Both of these men are horrible people.
posted by King Bee at 6:53 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by King Bee at 6:53 PM on May 17, 2011
This is a far fucking cry from "I will give you 10 goats and a wheelbarrow, but thy daughter commands no larger dowry". Lighten up.
It's not this specific case of asking-for-permission, but rather the entire mainstream wedding culture that still contains remnants of these ideas--from the engagement ring to the asking-permission to the bride's family paying for the wedding. Thanks, though, never been told to lighten up before.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:54 PM on May 17, 2011 [10 favorites]
It's not this specific case of asking-for-permission, but rather the entire mainstream wedding culture that still contains remnants of these ideas--from the engagement ring to the asking-permission to the bride's family paying for the wedding. Thanks, though, never been told to lighten up before.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:54 PM on May 17, 2011 [10 favorites]
I'm a horrible misogynist too, I guess. As is everyone who found this sweet, and not an outright attack on womankind. For shame, us.
posted by King Bee at 6:56 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by King Bee at 6:56 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Back in high school, I was watching a movie on the couch with my then-boyfriend, when his recently engaged older sister walked in. The guy she got engaged to had lived down the street from me almost my whole life, the older brother of my little brother's best friend. I had known the recently engaged older sister for several years. I liked both of them a lot and was genuinely excited that the two of them were going to get married.
When she came in the room, I immediately hopped up to give her a big congrats hug shouting "aaaah I'm so happy for you guys!." She, as is apparently the custom, impeded the hug by thrusting her be-ringed hand in my face. And then she proceeded to tell me the "sweet engagement story" of how Mr. Fiance had had a sit-down with her dad weeks before proposing, asking for permission. After receiving dad's OK, he had a sit-down with the rest of her family (mom, younger brother (the guy I was dating), grandfather) to discuss his asking her to marry him.
Everyone in her family--except her--gave permission and knew when and how she was going to get proposed to before she did. Even I knew before she did. I was aghast, and reacted to this story with a confused, enraged, jaw-dropped look on my face. She could not have been more thrilled. She just thought it was the sweetest thing ever, and remarked that she would have been outraged if permission hadn't been sought from daddy first.
But that's Georgia for you. It's a different world down there. Different century.
I said something to the effect of "wow, if a guy asked my dad before asking me, I'd kick his ass to the curb," which, as I recall, did not go over too well. To each his own.
posted by phunniemee at 6:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
When she came in the room, I immediately hopped up to give her a big congrats hug shouting "aaaah I'm so happy for you guys!." She, as is apparently the custom, impeded the hug by thrusting her be-ringed hand in my face. And then she proceeded to tell me the "sweet engagement story" of how Mr. Fiance had had a sit-down with her dad weeks before proposing, asking for permission. After receiving dad's OK, he had a sit-down with the rest of her family (mom, younger brother (the guy I was dating), grandfather) to discuss his asking her to marry him.
Everyone in her family--except her--gave permission and knew when and how she was going to get proposed to before she did. Even I knew before she did. I was aghast, and reacted to this story with a confused, enraged, jaw-dropped look on my face. She could not have been more thrilled. She just thought it was the sweetest thing ever, and remarked that she would have been outraged if permission hadn't been sought from daddy first.
But that's Georgia for you. It's a different world down there. Different century.
I said something to the effect of "wow, if a guy asked my dad before asking me, I'd kick his ass to the curb," which, as I recall, did not go over too well. To each his own.
posted by phunniemee at 6:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
Are all bees so hyperbolic, or is this just a king thing?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:59 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:59 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Cause it could just be that nobody involved is horrible - we just think maybe it's time to revisit certain customs left over from the 3rd century. BC.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:00 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:00 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
I'm a horrible misogynist too, I guess. As is everyone who found this sweet, and not an outright attack on womankind. For shame, us.
No, I understand how and why you'd find this sweet. It obviously comes from a place of love. But it still participates in sexist narratives that are embedded in our society. I don't think you're a horrible misogynist, though I'm assuming right about now that you're not used to thinking about sexism in marriage traditions. Which, as a feminist woman who proposed to her male SO, I am. Doesn't make you evil or a bad person, though, and I wish you'd approach this conversation a little more respectfully.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:00 PM on May 17, 2011 [10 favorites]
No, I understand how and why you'd find this sweet. It obviously comes from a place of love. But it still participates in sexist narratives that are embedded in our society. I don't think you're a horrible misogynist, though I'm assuming right about now that you're not used to thinking about sexism in marriage traditions. Which, as a feminist woman who proposed to her male SO, I am. Doesn't make you evil or a bad person, though, and I wish you'd approach this conversation a little more respectfully.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:00 PM on May 17, 2011 [10 favorites]
To balance the scales I am going to ask my girlfriend permission to marry her dad. Take THAT misogyny!
posted by ian1977 at 7:04 PM on May 17, 2011 [11 favorites]
posted by ian1977 at 7:04 PM on May 17, 2011 [11 favorites]
Perhaps I'm the one who should lighten up.
I do honestly apologize for my tone earlier. I actually think it's a good idea for at least one party to talk to the other's family (if they're close in that way). Considering enough marriages go by the wayside because there isn't enough support, by talking to the other's parents and telling them about your feelings for their child, you're setting yourself up for a healthy relationship all around.
That being said, actually asking for "the hand" in marriage is probably sexist and outdated.
posted by King Bee at 7:05 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]
I do honestly apologize for my tone earlier. I actually think it's a good idea for at least one party to talk to the other's family (if they're close in that way). Considering enough marriages go by the wayside because there isn't enough support, by talking to the other's parents and telling them about your feelings for their child, you're setting yourself up for a healthy relationship all around.
That being said, actually asking for "the hand" in marriage is probably sexist and outdated.
posted by King Bee at 7:05 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]
I am by no means trying to steal her away from you.
King Bee, what's your justification for this?
posted by hermitosis at 7:06 PM on May 17, 2011
King Bee, what's your justification for this?
posted by hermitosis at 7:06 PM on May 17, 2011
Cause it could just be that nobody involved is horrible
I prefer to think that everyone involved is horrible in their own special way.
posted by ian1977 at 7:07 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
I prefer to think that everyone involved is horrible in their own special way.
posted by ian1977 at 7:07 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Or (should've previewed) if you don't want to follow this track anymore, I understand.
But really, that line belongs on the list of things you should never have to say out loud to a future in-law.
posted by hermitosis at 7:08 PM on May 17, 2011
But really, that line belongs on the list of things you should never have to say out loud to a future in-law.
posted by hermitosis at 7:08 PM on May 17, 2011
King Bee, what's your justification for this?
That wasn't King Bee...that was Its Raining Florence Henderson. GET HIM!
posted by ian1977 at 7:08 PM on May 17, 2011
That wasn't King Bee...that was Its Raining Florence Henderson. GET HIM!
posted by ian1977 at 7:08 PM on May 17, 2011
But really, that line belongs on the list of things you should never have to say out loud to a future in-law.
Indeed. You've never known anyone with ultra-protective parents who viewed you as stealing their child away, simply because you were dating him/her?
posted by King Bee at 7:10 PM on May 17, 2011
Indeed. You've never known anyone with ultra-protective parents who viewed you as stealing their child away, simply because you were dating him/her?
posted by King Bee at 7:10 PM on May 17, 2011
It was a line in the trailer, actually, that the groom says to the FIL.
posted by hermitosis at 7:10 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by hermitosis at 7:10 PM on May 17, 2011
I actually think it's a good idea for at least one party to talk to the other's family (if they're close in that way). Considering enough marriages go by the wayside because there isn't enough support, by talking to the other's parents and telling them about your feelings for their child, you're setting yourself up for a healthy relationship all around.
I don't think this is the part people take issue with. For me, talking to the family before asking the woman, regardless of any direct permissions being sought, smacks of assuming girls can't make their own decisions.
Also, sometimes people's family members are morons.
posted by phunniemee at 7:11 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
I don't think this is the part people take issue with. For me, talking to the family before asking the woman, regardless of any direct permissions being sought, smacks of assuming girls can't make their own decisions.
Also, sometimes people's family members are morons.
posted by phunniemee at 7:11 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
It was a line in the trailer, actually, that the groom says to the FIL.
Oops! Sorry.
posted by ian1977 at 7:13 PM on May 17, 2011
Oops! Sorry.
posted by ian1977 at 7:13 PM on May 17, 2011
For me, talking to the family before asking the woman, regardless of any direct permissions being sought, smacks of assuming girls can't make their own decisions.
I get that, but these days how often is the woman really, truly surprised by the proposal? Not the act itself, but the idea of getting married to the dude? Seems to me most people talk about it long before they are actually engaged and announce it publicly. Right or wrong, asking the dad is largely just throwing the old guy a bone, not literally asking permission.
posted by ian1977 at 7:16 PM on May 17, 2011
I get that, but these days how often is the woman really, truly surprised by the proposal? Not the act itself, but the idea of getting married to the dude? Seems to me most people talk about it long before they are actually engaged and announce it publicly. Right or wrong, asking the dad is largely just throwing the old guy a bone, not literally asking permission.
posted by ian1977 at 7:16 PM on May 17, 2011
But my dad doesn't need that bone. He doesn't think that he owns me or controls my actions. If my boyfriend were to ask my dad's permission to marry me, even in a symbolic way, it'd be extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved. I understand that families are different, and all, but in the event that someday I am getting married, my fiance and I will talk to my parents - both my parents - together and tell them that we are getting married! Hooray! And then, we'll go do the same thing with his family. Following traditions that are actually kind of offensive for the sake of propriety is silly.
posted by ChuraChura at 7:22 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 7:22 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
This really really feels like a professional ad agency production. I think the earlier Pepsi Ford comment is probably spot on, as the car shots seem almost a 10x increase in production quality of the rest of it.
Why isn't this hitting the "this is bullshit" button for more people?
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:23 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
Why isn't this hitting the "this is bullshit" button for more people?
posted by mcstayinskool at 7:23 PM on May 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
Well, according to what the guy says in the video... SHE wanted him to ask for her father's blessing on their wedding. It sounds like it was her idea, not his.
I mean, I could have gotten all huffy about these damn heterosexuals, flaunting their ability to get married in public in front of me, a faggot who has very limited options for such things. But I thought it was sweet, and really enjoyed the way they presented the video with her reactions running in real time while the piece was running in the movie theater.
I wonder how they even filmed that, anyway? Either they were VERY subtle about the video camera, or she was in on it from the beginning. Which would make the whole thing a bit lessexcellent ... but it did make me feel all warm and fuzzy watching it. Certainly didn't mean to spark a Women Are Chattel discussion.
Still... I don't mind the reminder that these archaic rituals have implications which we may not immediate realize. Having those deeper meanings presented can help us make more informed decisions about what we choose to participate in when it comes to these age-old symbols.
posted by hippybear at 7:30 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
I mean, I could have gotten all huffy about these damn heterosexuals, flaunting their ability to get married in public in front of me, a faggot who has very limited options for such things. But I thought it was sweet, and really enjoyed the way they presented the video with her reactions running in real time while the piece was running in the movie theater.
I wonder how they even filmed that, anyway? Either they were VERY subtle about the video camera, or she was in on it from the beginning. Which would make the whole thing a bit less
Still... I don't mind the reminder that these archaic rituals have implications which we may not immediate realize. Having those deeper meanings presented can help us make more informed decisions about what we choose to participate in when it comes to these age-old symbols.
posted by hippybear at 7:30 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
I used to be married. Now I drink. The drinking has worked out better.
No, but good luck to 'em. Like all married people, they'll need it.
posted by Decani at 7:35 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
No, but good luck to 'em. Like all married people, they'll need it.
posted by Decani at 7:35 PM on May 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
But my dad doesn't need that bone. He doesn't think that he owns me or controls my actions. If my boyfriend were to ask my dad's permission to marry me, even in a symbolic way, it'd be extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved. I understand that families are different, and all, but in the event that someday I am getting married, my fiance and I will talk to my parents - both my parents - together and tell them that we are getting married! Hooray! And then, we'll go do the same thing with his family. Following traditions that are actually kind of offensive for the sake of propriety is silly.
His asking for permission does not imply that the father controls the daughter's actions. It is sign of respect to the family that he is about to join to declare his intentions. The father is gathering from emotional cues the honesty of new son-in-law, and this will guide his behaviour towards the boy and with respect to the wedding.
Part of being diplomatic is getting everyone on board. The boy could just say: to hell with everyone else, we love each other and we're getting married whether they like it or not. But, why not build allies? This is one reason why weddings are usually done in public.
The reason they don't just "tell them that [they] are getting married is that it's extremely undiplomatic — it's the kind of approach that will work sometimes, but other times trigger instinctive defensiveness, and then how do you win the parents over again?
That little bit of deference and respect to the people who have already sacrificed so much for their daughter's life makes a lot of sense to me.
posted by esprit de l'escalier at 7:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
His asking for permission does not imply that the father controls the daughter's actions. It is sign of respect to the family that he is about to join to declare his intentions. The father is gathering from emotional cues the honesty of new son-in-law, and this will guide his behaviour towards the boy and with respect to the wedding.
Part of being diplomatic is getting everyone on board. The boy could just say: to hell with everyone else, we love each other and we're getting married whether they like it or not. But, why not build allies? This is one reason why weddings are usually done in public.
The reason they don't just "tell them that [they] are getting married is that it's extremely undiplomatic — it's the kind of approach that will work sometimes, but other times trigger instinctive defensiveness, and then how do you win the parents over again?
That little bit of deference and respect to the people who have already sacrificed so much for their daughter's life makes a lot of sense to me.
posted by esprit de l'escalier at 7:57 PM on May 17, 2011 [4 favorites]
It sounds like it was her idea, not his.
Women enforce patriarchal standards as much as men do. When it comes to weddings, women are usually held more responsible than men to make sure that the patriarchy i's are dotted.
posted by muddgirl at 8:03 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
Women enforce patriarchal standards as much as men do. When it comes to weddings, women are usually held more responsible than men to make sure that the patriarchy i's are dotted.
posted by muddgirl at 8:03 PM on May 17, 2011 [6 favorites]
Women enforce patriarchal standards as much as men do.
Well, then. It sounds like she has some 'splainin' to do.
posted by hippybear at 8:12 PM on May 17, 2011
Well, then. It sounds like she has some 'splainin' to do.
posted by hippybear at 8:12 PM on May 17, 2011
I am an adult - my parents trust my judgment. The idea that I need my fiance to go get an OK from my father for my relationship to continue seems outdated and really does imply that I'm not in total control of my decisions. And why does he just need to ask my dad? If my parents are making decisions my decisions for me (what happens in this case if her father had said no? Would she have said yes to him?), my mom should probably be involved as well. And why don't I have to go check with his parents before I agree in a show of deference and respect to the family that has sacrificed to raise the son that I am now taking away from them? Because of the patriarchy! Wacky double standards.
I'm lucky enough to be part of a pretty close family. By the time anyone plans on asking me to marry them, they'd know my parents and I'd know my parents' opinions. These would have been formed over the course of our relationship - it wouldn't be down to one high stakes conversation of the males behind closed doors. And if I wasn't from a family where my fiance had spent time with my parents already and they'd gotten to know him before he was planning on asking me to marry him, then it seems like getting my father's consent for marriage would be sort of bizarre anyway.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:12 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]
I'm lucky enough to be part of a pretty close family. By the time anyone plans on asking me to marry them, they'd know my parents and I'd know my parents' opinions. These would have been formed over the course of our relationship - it wouldn't be down to one high stakes conversation of the males behind closed doors. And if I wasn't from a family where my fiance had spent time with my parents already and they'd gotten to know him before he was planning on asking me to marry him, then it seems like getting my father's consent for marriage would be sort of bizarre anyway.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:12 PM on May 17, 2011 [3 favorites]
That little bit of deference and respect to the people who have already sacrificed so much for their daughter's life makes a lot of sense to me.
. . . soo, why isn't he asking the mom?
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:14 PM on May 17, 2011 [7 favorites]
. . . soo, why isn't he asking the mom?
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:14 PM on May 17, 2011 [7 favorites]
Get a room.
posted by BillBishop at 8:15 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by BillBishop at 8:15 PM on May 17, 2011
The first proposal in a MeFi comment. . .
iconomy, I have gone to great lengths to set this up, including hiring these two rednecks to stage a fake proposal in a movie theater.
So, marry me?
posted by Danf at 8:20 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
iconomy, I have gone to great lengths to set this up, including hiring these two rednecks to stage a fake proposal in a movie theater.
So, marry me?
posted by Danf at 8:20 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
If s/he says yes, I'm going to start crying right here!
posted by hippybear at 8:23 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by hippybear at 8:23 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
That little bit of deference and respect to the people who have already sacrificed so much for their daughter's life makes a lot of sense to me.
. . . soo, why isn't he asking the mom?
That's a good question.
I think you have to imagine the sorts of things that are going to win over the father vs. those that win over the mother. How in your experience are mothers won over? And, do you think that the father will say yes without considering the mother's input, of which he is undoubtedly aware?
And why don't I have to go check with his parents before I agree in a show of deference and respect to the family that has sacrificed to raise the son that I am now taking away from them?
Women typically do win over their boyfriend's parents, but they tend to do it in completely different ways. Is that not also your experience?
…it wouldn't be down to one high stakes conversation of the males behind closed doors.
I suggest that the reason that we have "high stakes conversations" is that allows us to socially mark transitions in relationships. We have these conversations when people are hired, when they're fired, when they're married, when they're divorced, when someone's supports us for an election, and when someone supports our election to marry. It gives us a chance before making the transition to verify that we're all on the same page.
I also want you to consider that believing the permission-asking to be superfluous — because a person is evaluated by consistent observation rather than in intense moments — shows that that is probably not the way to win you over, and that not everyone is won over in the same way.
posted by esprit de l'escalier at 9:10 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
. . . soo, why isn't he asking the mom?
That's a good question.
I think you have to imagine the sorts of things that are going to win over the father vs. those that win over the mother. How in your experience are mothers won over? And, do you think that the father will say yes without considering the mother's input, of which he is undoubtedly aware?
And why don't I have to go check with his parents before I agree in a show of deference and respect to the family that has sacrificed to raise the son that I am now taking away from them?
Women typically do win over their boyfriend's parents, but they tend to do it in completely different ways. Is that not also your experience?
…it wouldn't be down to one high stakes conversation of the males behind closed doors.
I suggest that the reason that we have "high stakes conversations" is that allows us to socially mark transitions in relationships. We have these conversations when people are hired, when they're fired, when they're married, when they're divorced, when someone's supports us for an election, and when someone supports our election to marry. It gives us a chance before making the transition to verify that we're all on the same page.
I also want you to consider that believing the permission-asking to be superfluous — because a person is evaluated by consistent observation rather than in intense moments — shows that that is probably not the way to win you over, and that not everyone is won over in the same way.
posted by esprit de l'escalier at 9:10 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Asking for permission may seem like an outdated tradition, but there are deeper nuances there that I think that people who haven't dealt with it might miss. It's a way of ensuring continuity between the old life and the new, by making sure that the lives of the existing family and the family-to-be have intersected on some level. It's also a way of putting some perspective on sometimes a hasty rush to marriage by forcing the new couple to examine their future means of survival and living arrangements. A suitor who asks for a woman's hand is going to need to have thought through (and, in these modern times, likely discussed it ahead of time to some degree with his partner) these issues before heading into the fray, and this introspection is a great tool.
posted by Addlepated at 9:13 PM on May 17, 2011
posted by Addlepated at 9:13 PM on May 17, 2011
Danf - Don't you have to ask mathowie, first?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:18 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
I thought this was very, very sweet even to my hardened MetaFilter heart. Congrats to the couple!
Re: asking the parents permission. Here was a great answer from 2006 on AskMefi. Also, this Boston Globe article may shed a different light on it.
When I proposed to my wife, I had to also ask for her mother's blessing/permission. Her father is deceased so I really had no choice on who to ask. Now my wife is Mexican and Jewish and I was told that this is culturally, a tradition. Whether it is or not, I felt perfectly fine doing it and it added a tone of legitimacy to the proceedings. I wanted my wife and her family to be assured that I wasn't some fly-by-night shitheel so I did everything by the book. I have no idea what that book is or where in the library I could find it but it just seemed to be the right thing to do.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:04 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Re: asking the parents permission. Here was a great answer from 2006 on AskMefi. Also, this Boston Globe article may shed a different light on it.
When I proposed to my wife, I had to also ask for her mother's blessing/permission. Her father is deceased so I really had no choice on who to ask. Now my wife is Mexican and Jewish and I was told that this is culturally, a tradition. Whether it is or not, I felt perfectly fine doing it and it added a tone of legitimacy to the proceedings. I wanted my wife and her family to be assured that I wasn't some fly-by-night shitheel so I did everything by the book. I have no idea what that book is or where in the library I could find it but it just seemed to be the right thing to do.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:04 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
There are a lot of father/daughter things that get kind of deeply creepy when you think about them.
Stuff like giving the daughter away at the wedding (does this happen when the daughter was married for the second or third time?), granting permission to marry (again, if the bride is 43 and the father is 71, does this still happen?), the whole "bring my daughter back in the condition you found her in" dating thing we discussed some time ago, and truly weird stuff like daddy/daughter dances (are you allowed to cut in when dancing?) or purity balls (ahem).
I can see where it can just be meant as a polite thing to do, but it does have its roots in a kind of nasty place.
posted by maxwelton at 10:07 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Stuff like giving the daughter away at the wedding (does this happen when the daughter was married for the second or third time?), granting permission to marry (again, if the bride is 43 and the father is 71, does this still happen?), the whole "bring my daughter back in the condition you found her in" dating thing we discussed some time ago, and truly weird stuff like daddy/daughter dances (are you allowed to cut in when dancing?) or purity balls (ahem).
I can see where it can just be meant as a polite thing to do, but it does have its roots in a kind of nasty place.
posted by maxwelton at 10:07 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
. . . soo, why isn't he asking the mom?
Better yet, why isn't she asking his mom?
posted by Dr Dracator at 10:46 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Better yet, why isn't she asking his mom?
posted by Dr Dracator at 10:46 PM on May 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Dear god, that was the most stilted, drawn-out, awkward thing I have ever seen. I had to skip through most of it so I didn't explode my skull from rolling my eyes too hard.
Even George Lucas writes better dialogue than that.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:20 PM on May 17, 2011
Even George Lucas writes better dialogue than that.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:20 PM on May 17, 2011
Too much haterade in here.
What's wrong with putting in the extra effort in a fun way that she'll remember for the rest of her life?
It may not have been perfect, but that's hardly the point.
posted by bwg at 3:13 AM on May 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
What's wrong with putting in the extra effort in a fun way that she'll remember for the rest of her life?
It may not have been perfect, but that's hardly the point.
posted by bwg at 3:13 AM on May 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
There are a lot of father/daughter things that get kind of deeply creepy when you think about them.
They're still deeply creepy when you are the father to a daughter.
Little shit who is in no way good enough for her : "Mr Fullerine, can I have permission to marry your daughter?"
Me : You think I need to give permission for her to marry? Dude! she's going to chew you up and spit you out! Hahahaha you're toast.
posted by fullerine at 4:26 AM on May 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
They're still deeply creepy when you are the father to a daughter.
Little shit who is in no way good enough for her : "Mr Fullerine, can I have permission to marry your daughter?"
Me : You think I need to give permission for her to marry? Dude! she's going to chew you up and spit you out! Hahahaha you're toast.
posted by fullerine at 4:26 AM on May 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
It's not this specific case of asking-for-permission, but rather the entire mainstream wedding culture that still contains remnants of these ideas--from the engagement ring to the asking-permission to the bride's family paying for the wedding.
I'm hoping men getting engagement rings becomes more common. I got one and it's kickass, and it's only fair, for both sides.
posted by kmz at 4:38 AM on May 18, 2011
I'm hoping men getting engagement rings becomes more common. I got one and it's kickass, and it's only fair, for both sides.
posted by kmz at 4:38 AM on May 18, 2011
What a depressing little thread. Methinks if this post showed a deeply traditional representation of the launch of a couple into marriage from a very different culture -- that is to say, not white, middle-class US (Georgia, no less) -- there'd be a lot less hating going on, and a lot more respect. Has it occurred to anyone that these kids may be coming from a year of pain, grieving, healing? Maybe there is no mom around to talk to! Maybe this is the one damn thing the dad had to look forward to, is it so much to give up those words for the joining of the families? Maybe it brought them all joy, however misguided you find it. So, it's not your thing, who cares if it's theirs? We all perform countless public and private rituals daily that won't stand up to scrutiny from the smart-asses on Metafilter, me included.
posted by thinkpiece at 5:17 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by thinkpiece at 5:17 AM on May 18, 2011
Y'know, I had this same idea about 3 years ago. Not the asking for the blessing part, but the movie-trailer proposal thing. I'm both happy and sad that someone did it first.
Anyway...asking for the old man's blessing is not about property. It's not about gender politics.
It's simply a gesture of respect.
Don't read so much into this. She has a tight relationship with her father, and her fiancee simply acknowledges that in a creative and respectful way.
Yeah, the dialogue was stilted and it could have been a minute or two shorter.
But the gesture was sweet. I'm glad to see someone going over and above for someone else. It's at LEAST a little inspiring.
On preview, I suspect thinkpiece may be on to something...
posted by Thistledown at 5:20 AM on May 18, 2011
Anyway...asking for the old man's blessing is not about property. It's not about gender politics.
It's simply a gesture of respect.
Don't read so much into this. She has a tight relationship with her father, and her fiancee simply acknowledges that in a creative and respectful way.
Yeah, the dialogue was stilted and it could have been a minute or two shorter.
But the gesture was sweet. I'm glad to see someone going over and above for someone else. It's at LEAST a little inspiring.
On preview, I suspect thinkpiece may be on to something...
posted by Thistledown at 5:20 AM on May 18, 2011
Why isn't this hitting the "this is bullshit" button for more people?
It sent my bullshit detector to red, but if you google the guy's name and city, they do seem to be a real couple.
posted by cmonkey at 6:57 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
It sent my bullshit detector to red, but if you google the guy's name and city, they do seem to be a real couple.
posted by cmonkey at 6:57 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Marriage rituals in general are very odd. I just wanted health insurance, but our friends insisted this had to be celebrated with cake. Well, it was good health insurance, I suppose.
On the other hand ... yeah, the people defending the fiance-asking-the-father thing are missing some key points, I think. As others have pointed out, note carefully who is expected to ask whom, and who is *not* expected to ask whom. There is more going on here than a gesture of respect.
posted by kyrademon at 7:10 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
On the other hand ... yeah, the people defending the fiance-asking-the-father thing are missing some key points, I think. As others have pointed out, note carefully who is expected to ask whom, and who is *not* expected to ask whom. There is more going on here than a gesture of respect.
posted by kyrademon at 7:10 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
asking for the old man's blessing is not about property. It's not about gender politics. It's simply a gesture of respect.
Oh come on. Look, we all make compromises - I'm not saying anyone is a bad person for doing so. In many ways, my own marriage was a compromise of my politics to practical circumstances. But part of being an ethical person is recognizing that such a compromise is occurring.
Asking for a father's blessing is absolutely about gender politics - the fact that it is still seen as a gesture of respect (rather than as something that infantilizes the daughter) is proof of this. Here's a quote from up-thread:Women typically do win over their boyfriend's parents, but they tend to do it in completely different ways. How is this not about gender politics? Why are women expected to win over parents differently than men? What does this say about our expectations for same-gender relationships? These questions are interesting to me. I won't stop pondering them just because a designated "happy occasion" is involved, or just because they make people uncomfortable.
Methinks if this post showed a deeply traditional representation of the launch of a couple into marriage from a very different culture -- that is to say, not white, middle-class US (Georgia, no less) -- there'd be a lot less hating going on
It's not my job to fix other cultures, and it would be presumptive of me to comment on traditions I don't understand. However, I support people from different cultures who want to critique their own problematic traditions. They often suffer worse consequences than a little blowback on a community blog.
posted by muddgirl at 7:20 AM on May 18, 2011 [6 favorites]
Oh come on. Look, we all make compromises - I'm not saying anyone is a bad person for doing so. In many ways, my own marriage was a compromise of my politics to practical circumstances. But part of being an ethical person is recognizing that such a compromise is occurring.
Asking for a father's blessing is absolutely about gender politics - the fact that it is still seen as a gesture of respect (rather than as something that infantilizes the daughter) is proof of this. Here's a quote from up-thread:Women typically do win over their boyfriend's parents, but they tend to do it in completely different ways. How is this not about gender politics? Why are women expected to win over parents differently than men? What does this say about our expectations for same-gender relationships? These questions are interesting to me. I won't stop pondering them just because a designated "happy occasion" is involved, or just because they make people uncomfortable.
Methinks if this post showed a deeply traditional representation of the launch of a couple into marriage from a very different culture -- that is to say, not white, middle-class US (Georgia, no less) -- there'd be a lot less hating going on
It's not my job to fix other cultures, and it would be presumptive of me to comment on traditions I don't understand. However, I support people from different cultures who want to critique their own problematic traditions. They often suffer worse consequences than a little blowback on a community blog.
posted by muddgirl at 7:20 AM on May 18, 2011 [6 favorites]
Anyway...asking for the old man's blessing is not about property. It's not about gender politics.
It's simply a gesture of respect.
Hahahah. Let me guess... you're a man, right?
posted by hermitosis at 8:10 AM on May 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
It's simply a gesture of respect.
Hahahah. Let me guess... you're a man, right?
posted by hermitosis at 8:10 AM on May 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
Better yet, why isn't she asking his mom?
Yeah, right, like his mother is going to give him up to another woman.
posted by Grangousier at 8:26 AM on May 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
Yeah, right, like his mother is going to give him up to another woman.
posted by Grangousier at 8:26 AM on May 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
Before we got engaged, I asked my wife permission to ask her parents permission to marry her. Then I asked her parents - I was sitting with both her mom and dad - permission to marry their daughter. Then I asked my wife to marry me.
So haterz, on a scale from one to ten, how much of a misogynist does that make me?
posted by exhilaration at 8:26 AM on May 18, 2011
So haterz, on a scale from one to ten, how much of a misogynist does that make me?
posted by exhilaration at 8:26 AM on May 18, 2011
You're not a misogynist; you're a tool of the patriarchy!
(No, but seriously, the idea that adult children even need a parents' permission to marry is completely bizarre to me, even if it's a token gesture and particularly when it's only the bride. But to each his own.)
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:31 AM on May 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
(No, but seriously, the idea that adult children even need a parents' permission to marry is completely bizarre to me, even if it's a token gesture and particularly when it's only the bride. But to each his own.)
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:31 AM on May 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
Anyway...asking for the old man's blessing is not about property. It's not about gender politics.
It's simply a gesture of respect.
Hahahah. Let me guess... you're a man, right?
Yeah.
Look - I get it. I really do. These issues are obviously not as important/sensitive to me as they are to other people. Forgive me for thinking this was a pretty innocent gesture.
posted by Thistledown at 8:35 AM on May 18, 2011
It's simply a gesture of respect.
Hahahah. Let me guess... you're a man, right?
Yeah.
Look - I get it. I really do. These issues are obviously not as important/sensitive to me as they are to other people. Forgive me for thinking this was a pretty innocent gesture.
posted by Thistledown at 8:35 AM on May 18, 2011
No, but seriously, the idea that adult children even need a parents' permission to marry is completely bizarre to me, even if it's a token gesture and particularly when it's only the bride. But to each his own.
Ah, but do you expect parents to make only a token gesture about paying for the wedding?
There's the rub!
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:35 AM on May 18, 2011
Ah, but do you expect parents to make only a token gesture about paying for the wedding?
There's the rub!
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:35 AM on May 18, 2011
Uh, I paid for my (sub-thousand dollar wedding) myself. So sure.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:37 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:37 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Or no. Whatever, I don't think parents should pay for weddings. College, maybe.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:38 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:38 AM on May 18, 2011
I would find it REALLY weird if MrMippy felt the need to ask my dad's permission to marry me. Mainly because he's a rational atheist who doesn't believe ouija boards really work.
posted by mippy at 8:41 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mippy at 8:41 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ah, but do you expect parents to make only a token gesture about paying for the wedding?
Don't people pay for their own weddings these days? Especially as people are getting married in their late 20s and 30s more and more now? It's nice to contribute, but expecting it feels like expecting my parents to pay for my house or my holiday - a bit odd for a grown-up lady. Maybe it's cultural, I dunno.
posted by mippy at 8:43 AM on May 18, 2011
Don't people pay for their own weddings these days? Especially as people are getting married in their late 20s and 30s more and more now? It's nice to contribute, but expecting it feels like expecting my parents to pay for my house or my holiday - a bit odd for a grown-up lady. Maybe it's cultural, I dunno.
posted by mippy at 8:43 AM on May 18, 2011
Though, our local paper suggested that young people wanting to buy a house either borrow money from parents, get parents to act as guarantors, move in with parents to save money for the deposit, or wait for parents to pop their clogs so you get an inheritance. Not really sure what you do if your parents aren't in a position for any of those things - live in a yurt?
posted by mippy at 8:46 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by mippy at 8:46 AM on May 18, 2011
I think it would be interesting to ask for his son's hand in marriage first, and then then when a stunned silence descends say "Well, OK, if you're going to be like that, I'll settle for the girl". I suspect that wouldn't endear me to anybody, though, and if I underestimated their liberality I might end up married to the brother. Which isn't really my kind of thing.
I agree that it's strange to ask, though, but there's something about marriage that seems to bring out the Jane Austen in people. I like being married, but I've never understood the obsession with weddings.
(It could be an American thing - seems like a lot more deferential culture than the UK. Someone told me that in the US it's considered polite to stand up when a woman enters the room. Don't know if they were having fun with me, but that's insane if true. Women go in and out all the time - you'd never get anything done!)
posted by Grangousier at 8:47 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
I agree that it's strange to ask, though, but there's something about marriage that seems to bring out the Jane Austen in people. I like being married, but I've never understood the obsession with weddings.
(It could be an American thing - seems like a lot more deferential culture than the UK. Someone told me that in the US it's considered polite to stand up when a woman enters the room. Don't know if they were having fun with me, but that's insane if true. Women go in and out all the time - you'd never get anything done!)
posted by Grangousier at 8:47 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Someone told me that in the US it's considered polite to stand up when a woman enters the room."
They were having you on.
posted by kyrademon at 8:52 AM on May 18, 2011
They were having you on.
posted by kyrademon at 8:52 AM on May 18, 2011
Someone told me that in the US it's considered polite to stand up when a woman enters the room.
It is. It's considered polite by the same morons who think that it's polite to never put your elbows on the table, never wear a hat indoors, and for men to wear a useless piece of fabric knotted at the throat. None of which have any practical value except to give finger waggers something to masturbate about.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:58 AM on May 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
It is. It's considered polite by the same morons who think that it's polite to never put your elbows on the table, never wear a hat indoors, and for men to wear a useless piece of fabric knotted at the throat. None of which have any practical value except to give finger waggers something to masturbate about.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:58 AM on May 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
Hence, a lot of us tend to ignore such bullshit these days. It is, however, polite to hold a door open for a woman. Provided that you'd do the same for a man.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:58 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:58 AM on May 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oh, absolutely. It's not so much that it's polite to hold a door for someone but that it's rude to let it swing back in their face.
posted by Grangousier at 9:07 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by Grangousier at 9:07 AM on May 18, 2011
The elbow thing, in my experience, is something non-posh people do to convince the world they are 'mannered'. I've eaten in Michelin-starred restaurants where people sit with elbows all over the table, but in a seaside guesthouse in Scarborough children are whispered at to sit up straight and keep them off.
posted by mippy at 9:12 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by mippy at 9:12 AM on May 18, 2011
The elbow thing, in my experience, is something non-posh people do to convince the world they are 'mannered'. I've eaten in Michelin-starred restaurants where people sit with elbows all over the table, but in a seaside guesthouse in Scarborough children are whispered at to sit up straight and keep them off.
That was an interesting cultural thing I remember from Germany. I was taught growing up in the US pretty much that if I'm not using a knife to eat, it was most polite to put my other hand in my lap. In Germany, it was explained to me that is the height of rudeness. "What are you fumbling with under there?" was the question that was asked by my first host family. Apparently they were raised that it's most polite to rest the idle forearm on the edge of the table with the hand not laid out on the table, and with the elbow not on the table.
I dunno. Just odd little interesting differences in cultures about such small things sometimes.
posted by hippybear at 9:18 AM on May 18, 2011
That was an interesting cultural thing I remember from Germany. I was taught growing up in the US pretty much that if I'm not using a knife to eat, it was most polite to put my other hand in my lap. In Germany, it was explained to me that is the height of rudeness. "What are you fumbling with under there?" was the question that was asked by my first host family. Apparently they were raised that it's most polite to rest the idle forearm on the edge of the table with the hand not laid out on the table, and with the elbow not on the table.
I dunno. Just odd little interesting differences in cultures about such small things sometimes.
posted by hippybear at 9:18 AM on May 18, 2011
Those Michelin Tire stores have great vending machines, don't they? Wish they'd change the coffee filters a little more often, though. I mean, they'll change your oil filter every six months. You'd think they'd give the same level of service to their food-grade equipment.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:18 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:18 AM on May 18, 2011
What's wrong with putting in the extra effort in a fun way that she'll remember for the rest of her life?
Nothing. Nothing wrong with sharing it on YouTube either. I think it's the subjecting moviegoers to 6 minutes of possibly schlocky home video (I only watched the first 2 minutes) that bugs people a bit. It seems embarrassing and culturally insensitive to me, but it depends on the locale, I suppose.
How do you think that lonely guy in the back row whose wife just died feels ... or the woman in the middle who just proposed to her boyfriend and got dumped?
It's a little like the dude who fires up a doob in the theater just because, hey, everybody wants some, right?
So it's misogynistic or something to talk to the father about marrying the daughter now?
Marriage seems misogynistic by nature (says the married man). In principle and in practice.
there'd be a lot less hating going on, and a lot more respect
Is there a term for conflating "criticism" and "hate"? I can respect somone and still criticize her actions, can I not? (Not that I really am, though, again I would be annoyed and embarrassed if I were in the audience.)
We all perform countless public and private rituals daily that won't stand up to scrutiny from the smart-asses on Metafilter, me included.
That's why we don't post them here. This is no crime against humanity. I appreciate the feel-good intentions of the post, but it's just not that good.
It sent my bullshit detector to red, but if you google the guy's name and city, they do seem to be a real couple.
Don't you think Coke/Pepsi/Ford would use a real couple?
posted by mrgrimm at 9:24 AM on May 18, 2011
Nothing. Nothing wrong with sharing it on YouTube either. I think it's the subjecting moviegoers to 6 minutes of possibly schlocky home video (I only watched the first 2 minutes) that bugs people a bit. It seems embarrassing and culturally insensitive to me, but it depends on the locale, I suppose.
How do you think that lonely guy in the back row whose wife just died feels ... or the woman in the middle who just proposed to her boyfriend and got dumped?
It's a little like the dude who fires up a doob in the theater just because, hey, everybody wants some, right?
So it's misogynistic or something to talk to the father about marrying the daughter now?
Marriage seems misogynistic by nature (says the married man). In principle and in practice.
there'd be a lot less hating going on, and a lot more respect
Is there a term for conflating "criticism" and "hate"? I can respect somone and still criticize her actions, can I not? (Not that I really am, though, again I would be annoyed and embarrassed if I were in the audience.)
We all perform countless public and private rituals daily that won't stand up to scrutiny from the smart-asses on Metafilter, me included.
That's why we don't post them here. This is no crime against humanity. I appreciate the feel-good intentions of the post, but it's just not that good.
It sent my bullshit detector to red, but if you google the guy's name and city, they do seem to be a real couple.
Don't you think Coke/Pepsi/Ford would use a real couple?
posted by mrgrimm at 9:24 AM on May 18, 2011
mrgrimm: do we need to hash this out in MeTa? I'd be welcome to discuss it there.
posted by hippybear at 9:28 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by hippybear at 9:28 AM on May 18, 2011
It's not my job to fix other cultures, and it would be presumptive of me to comment on traditions I don't understand. However, I support people from different cultures who want to critique their own problematic traditions. They often suffer worse consequences than a little blowback on a community blog.
I'm sure people from other cultures appreciate your "support." If you did not mean that to sound as backhanded and pissy as it did, my apologies.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:02 AM on May 18, 2011
I'm sure people from other cultures appreciate your "support." If you did not mean that to sound as backhanded and pissy as it did, my apologies.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:02 AM on May 18, 2011
mrgrimm: do we need to hash this out in MeTa? I'd be welcome to discuss it there.
Hash what out?
posted by mrgrimm at 10:11 AM on May 18, 2011
Hash what out?
posted by mrgrimm at 10:11 AM on May 18, 2011
What word should I use instead of support? Or should I just ignore the existence of feminist (or anti-racist, or gay rights, or what-have-you) movements in other cultures?
posted by muddgirl at 10:22 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by muddgirl at 10:22 AM on May 18, 2011
Someone told me that in the US it's considered polite to stand up when a woman enters the room. Don't know if they were having fun with me, but that's insane if true. Women go in and out all the time - you'd never get anything done!)
Don't know about rooms, but in every office building I've entered in DC, men usually wait for women to exit/enter the elevators first (unless the elevator is packed and they can't move aside for any women in the elevator). I have to say it was a surprise when I first saw this in
action, as I'd never run across this practice where I grew up (NW Ohio) and went to University (Boston). Maybe it's because DC is below the Mason-Dixon line?
posted by longdaysjourney at 10:27 AM on May 18, 2011
Don't know about rooms, but in every office building I've entered in DC, men usually wait for women to exit/enter the elevators first (unless the elevator is packed and they can't move aside for any women in the elevator). I have to say it was a surprise when I first saw this in
action, as I'd never run across this practice where I grew up (NW Ohio) and went to University (Boston). Maybe it's because DC is below the Mason-Dixon line?
posted by longdaysjourney at 10:27 AM on May 18, 2011
kyrademon, they were not having you on. It's a little outdated, but it isn't a joke.
I ended up with some formal training on such things when I was young but I don't quite remember it in a conscious fashion, having only some vague impulses and anxieties where I genuinely feel bad if I do not show up at someone's house with food or a bottle of wine, or if I fail to remember dates important to them, things like that. A few years ago, due to a long-term power outage in the dead of winter, I ended up sleeping on a friend's floor for a few days. My friend's girlfriend's mother comes in one day, we chat, she leaves.
A few days later, I am talking to Girlfriend who relates to me that her mother was charmed that I stood up when she came into the room, approached to a certain distance, and then waited for her to extend her hand before doing the same "because nobody does that anymore." It was just like I had been taught and I was not consciously aware of the order of operations, only the internal monologue of, "Oh, new person. I must introduce myself in a polite fashion."
I think that practice is going out of vogue, but what little I consciously remember from the classes I took emphasized that some (but not all) of the business of manners and politeness was just to automatically resolve the question of who does what, when, such as we have an order of operations for multiple vehicles approaching a four-way stop.
Examination and recalibration is important (Doors? Everyone could open their own, but that robs us of thread for the social fabric, people care enough about one another to grease their passage through life in little ways. But then how do we know whose turn it is? Should it be mine by default because I have long ape arms?), but sometimes the automaticity, to coin a word, provides a kind of balm. The question is: is that a cream numbing a true problem or a simple salve to the pain of analysis paralysis?
I don't know.
posted by adipocere at 10:41 AM on May 18, 2011
I ended up with some formal training on such things when I was young but I don't quite remember it in a conscious fashion, having only some vague impulses and anxieties where I genuinely feel bad if I do not show up at someone's house with food or a bottle of wine, or if I fail to remember dates important to them, things like that. A few years ago, due to a long-term power outage in the dead of winter, I ended up sleeping on a friend's floor for a few days. My friend's girlfriend's mother comes in one day, we chat, she leaves.
A few days later, I am talking to Girlfriend who relates to me that her mother was charmed that I stood up when she came into the room, approached to a certain distance, and then waited for her to extend her hand before doing the same "because nobody does that anymore." It was just like I had been taught and I was not consciously aware of the order of operations, only the internal monologue of, "Oh, new person. I must introduce myself in a polite fashion."
I think that practice is going out of vogue, but what little I consciously remember from the classes I took emphasized that some (but not all) of the business of manners and politeness was just to automatically resolve the question of who does what, when, such as we have an order of operations for multiple vehicles approaching a four-way stop.
Examination and recalibration is important (Doors? Everyone could open their own, but that robs us of thread for the social fabric, people care enough about one another to grease their passage through life in little ways. But then how do we know whose turn it is? Should it be mine by default because I have long ape arms?), but sometimes the automaticity, to coin a word, provides a kind of balm. The question is: is that a cream numbing a true problem or a simple salve to the pain of analysis paralysis?
I don't know.
posted by adipocere at 10:41 AM on May 18, 2011
We need to add a picture-in-picture with wrist-cam so we can watch her watch her watch while we watch her watch. And since this is the Future I should be able to watch her watch her watch while we watch on my watch.
Yo, Dawg ...
posted by alby at 10:48 AM on May 18, 2011
Yo, Dawg ...
posted by alby at 10:48 AM on May 18, 2011
The audience members were mostly her friends and family (a hundred of them), who I assume came in shortly after she was seated so she wouldn't see them. I'm just pointing this out for all the people worried about the other moviegoers.
posted by Danila at 11:19 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by Danila at 11:19 AM on May 18, 2011
Ever since I saw the first comment in here pointing out that it might be staged, I really can't see it any other way.
posted by hermitosis at 11:34 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by hermitosis at 11:34 AM on May 18, 2011
whimsicalnymph: All marriage stuff aside, I can't believe the beginning took place at a camp meeting campground! Such a great piece of Southern Americana that the rest of the world rarely sees.
This made my eyes roll so hard that I gave myself a headache. Do you seriously believe that "camp meeting campgrounds" are "Americana"? Let alone "Southern Americana"? Sit down, here comes a mindblower: these exist all over the world.
The American exceptionalism on Metafilter never ceases to amaze me, even after all these years.
posted by stinkycheese at 11:36 AM on May 18, 2011
This made my eyes roll so hard that I gave myself a headache. Do you seriously believe that "camp meeting campgrounds" are "Americana"? Let alone "Southern Americana"? Sit down, here comes a mindblower: these exist all over the world.
The American exceptionalism on Metafilter never ceases to amaze me, even after all these years.
posted by stinkycheese at 11:36 AM on May 18, 2011
Also, the guy in the red shirt certainly didn't look like he was in on it.
posted by stinkycheese at 11:37 AM on May 18, 2011
posted by stinkycheese at 11:37 AM on May 18, 2011
I think camp meetings are more of an American thing these days. Certainly they're very rare in Britain now. I went to a church school and I still had to Google it. Or Bing it, if you prefer.
posted by mippy at 2:17 AM on May 19, 2011
posted by mippy at 2:17 AM on May 19, 2011
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posted by paisley henosis at 3:20 PM on May 17, 2011 [14 favorites]