PROUD Academy, the first school for LGBTQ+ youth in Connecticut

August 3, 2023 2:18 PM

CT’s first school for LGBTQ+ students could open this fall

PROUD Academy will be the first LGBTQ-affirming private school in New England and one of few across the country, according to its founder.

posted by buffy12 (31 comments total)

29,000.00 a year?.. Well, the wealthy bi's of Connecticut are set now...
posted by Czjewel at 3:43 PM on August 3, 2023 [3 favorites]

As a kid who was queer whose best friends mom tried to get me expelled when I was 12, I totally understand the need for these spaces.

But the social worker in me gets concerned that putting lots of vulnerable kids together puts them at risk for abuse too ( in not saying that this place is, just that i get concerned)

I hope that people can have good safe schooling experiences and not have to pay private school rates to do it.
posted by AlexiaSky at 3:53 PM on August 3, 2023 [16 favorites]

Agreed AlexiaSky.

People are different in many ways. A shame we can't give LGBTQ+ kids the schooling they deserve in our public schools.

But even as I am a cis-het white man, I remember the cruelty of kids towards each other back in school. And, Florida and other places, good luck with that.
posted by Windopaene at 4:53 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]

29,000.00 a year?.. Well, the wealthy bi's of Connecticut are set now...

From the article: PROUD Academy will cost $19,900 a year to attend, a price tag that’s slightly below the national average of $23,839 for a private K-12 education. The school is also trying to solicit donations to help start scholarship funds “to offset tuition for those socioeconomically challenged,” Nicolari added.

It would be great if we could start this thread off without casual biphobia and straight-up misinformation.
posted by explosion at 5:29 PM on August 3, 2023 [19 favorites]

In case it isn't clear to anyone why that comment would count as biphobia:

Bisexuals, on average, suffer from greater impoverishment, health issues, and other measures of abuse like sexual assault than cis gay men or cis lesbians. The rate of poverty among bi women is in line with trans folks, and there is a huge amount of intersection between the bi and gender-nonconforming and trans populations.

The stereotype of bisexual people as wealthy dilettantes is hurtful and divisive. We're routinely the butt of jokes from both sides, too queer for straight people, too "straight" for gays and lesbians.

I yearn for the day when people can just be who they are, and I sorely wish this school didn't need to exist in the first place. Here and now, though? It's better than nothing, and since there's no way this would fly as a public school even in New England, criticizing the effort is absolutely letting perfect be the enemy of good.
posted by explosion at 5:37 PM on August 3, 2023 [31 favorites]

explosion... miss type, sorry...Still, near 20,00.00 a year?... That's a lot of moolah, even if it is Connecticut... And far from being biphobic... I'm totally gay but have acquaintances who are bisexual.
posted by Czjewel at 5:37 PM on August 3, 2023

the wealthy bi's of Connecticut

The what now????
posted by not just everyday big moggies at 5:41 PM on August 3, 2023 [9 favorites]

Immediately visualized a YA novel or movie about LGBTQ kids fleeing the South on foot to come to this school, with only hopes that they will be received.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:14 PM on August 3, 2023 [5 favorites]

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posted by travelingthyme (staff) at 7:04 PM on August 3, 2023 [9 favorites]

I went to Catholic schools so out of curiosity I looked up the current tuition to get a sense for the price point. Catholic grade school (so comparable to this) at my alma mater is ~$6000/year for children of parishioners, $10,000/year for non-parishioners. But that kinda makes sense to me because the parish partially subsidizes the school. Current tuition at my Catholic high school is ~$15,000/year and at the time, I felt like the school was in the middle of the road in terms of cost and comparable schools.

Part of me says that tuition seems like a good deal for the peace of mind one would have knowing their kid won’t be bullied for their sexuality or gender in school. But the cynic in me says that going to this school won’t prevent a kid from getting bullied about something else. Regardless I hope it works out.
posted by kat518 at 7:12 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]

If the school gives good scholarships and feeds into a good college, a whole lot of kids will suddenly discover they're a little higher on the Kinsey scale. If not, then nobody's paying $19k a year because there will be bullying and ingroups/outgroups anyway, children being children.

Taking it completely serious as an idea, it might be a good idea for trans kids right now because society is so hostile but it's tragic that it even has to be a thing.
posted by kingdead at 7:51 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]

Immediately visualized a YA novel or movie about LGBTQ kids fleeing the South on foot to come to this school

Hey, we have arts magnet schools in the South.
posted by eustatic at 8:40 PM on August 3, 2023 [6 favorites]

Ok so this is good news for the Lower Naugy Valley. But I live in CT and can say there are priors. Saying they are the first is saying they don’t recognize the efforts of others, and that is concerning. Good to see them expand the options though, I hope they are successful and issue happy grads.
posted by drowsy at 10:15 PM on August 3, 2023 [2 favorites]

Yes, more context for non-CTers who think of Yale and Greenwich when they think of Connecticut: this place will be at the Boys and Girls Club in Ansonia. Ansonia is really not one of those super nice rich towns. It used to be a manufacturing kind of little city, and of course those factories are dead now. Not to malign it, just pointing out this is no Greenwich. This school is probably not gonna be attended by a single actual rich kid. The richest you're likely to get is "comfortably middle class", but I'd bet most will be middle to upper working class, maybe "practically middle class but not really". (The nearby rural towns are more middle-class, but have really good school systems that are generally welcoming and inclusive afaik.)

Source: me. I live...too close to that boys and girls club to disclose how close! I look forward to seeing their billboard.
posted by Baethan at 4:59 AM on August 4, 2023 [8 favorites]

If the school gives good scholarships and feeds into a good college

Sorry to double post, but I can't emphasize enough how incredibly funny it is that a Boys and Girls Club! In ANSONIA! could ever have anyone imagining it might feed into any college at all.
posted by Baethan at 5:08 AM on August 4, 2023 [1 favorite]

The nearby rural towns are more middle-class, but have really good school systems that are generally welcoming and inclusive afaik.

Speaking as an alum of a high school FROM one of those rural towns...it's a toss-up whether the school system is welcoming, or whether the kids are just SO closeted because there's so few kids anyway, that any LGBTQ kids think they're the only one in the class and just haven't said anything.

(A kid I had a crush on all through high school, and who even had torrid and fraught relationships with two of my friends, very dramatically came out about 15 years after we'd all graduated. There were rumors, but I'd brushed them off at the time.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:24 AM on August 4, 2023

I fell like some of these comments really dismiss how difficult school can be for lgbtq youth. There is a significant portion of lgbt youth whose environment are so unfriendly they will never graduate high-school. That they will leave school with self injury behaviors, phobias, substance abuse issues, school avoidance or/and mental illness in a myriad of combinations. Some with die of suicide before college is ever even an option. A significant percentage of homeless youth are LGBT because they are kicked out of homes or run away because there is no other options for them. Navigating schooling while simultaneously not having a place to be is extremely challenging.

So yes, safe places are needed and it isn't about feeding kids into high achieving colleges or the state it is in. It's about helping kids live and thrive , even if that means they go to the local community college or just graduate and work in retail. That is a real success for many lgbtb youth because outcomes are so poor. For this school private school money is private school money, and it's not an ideal Dolton but it is a step that acknowledges that things are awful out there.

As I said before, My whole education career was almost derailed by a mad parent who thought I wanted to date her daughter. She used letters I was writing my friend to paint me as a violent kid who wanted to hurt others. I was young enough I didn't even know I was queer and hadn't even become comfortable with the idea myself. And I certainly wasn't violent though I was being abused at home.

It was a clear message that I was in real danger with high stakes. Overall my schooling was fine. I had supportive friends and went to a liberal public high school . But I also did not have the freedom to explore or to be really be outwardly queer and it took quite a few more years for me to feel safe expressing myself. Mostly because my home enviroment was really really unsafe. Some kids never get that. Some parents are successful in getting those kids kicked out of schools.
posted by AlexiaSky at 5:44 AM on August 4, 2023 [11 favorites]

A stupid, feeble joke as the first comment can really set the tone for an entire thread. "Oh, it's just a joke!" Just another micro-agression on the queer people of Metafilter, you mean.

Sigh.
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:47 AM on August 4, 2023 [11 favorites]

eustatic: absolutely! I am very much from the Deep South, and sadly "from" is a key word. I was able to go to boarding school in the North in the 90s, and the face that there was a Gay-Straight Alliance at the school then basically made me believe I was living in The Future, which I adored. It was so emotionally important to me as I struggled with sexuality. I wanted that for everyone, and I even attempted to recreate it in other educational settings, to indifferent success.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:50 AM on August 4, 2023 [2 favorites]

Mod note: Several comments removed. Remember to be considerate and respect and be sensitive to context, per the Guidelines. If your comments are repeatedly causing others to be angry in this thread, consider moving on to a different thread, thanks.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 6:14 AM on August 4, 2023 [3 favorites]

I'm totally gay but have acquaintances who are bisexual.

This has real big "some of my best friends are black" energy. And that's not good.
posted by cooker girl at 6:43 AM on August 4, 2023 [13 favorites]

If it's a school for youth who need to transfer from their public or other private school because they were bullied, good. If it's similar to the HBCs, mostly "for" a minority but anyone can technically attend, good. Otherwise, the bisexual in me is leery of putting people in boxes like this. I know there's the "teens are too young to know their own sexuality, unless it is heterosexual of course" crowd, and I disagree with those people, but sexuality is fluid.
posted by subdee at 6:46 AM on August 4, 2023 [2 favorites]

If my step-daughter had had an opportunity like this in Ontario we would have moved fucking heaven and earth to get her to it. Cutting, ostracization by both staff and peers, suicide attempts, ultimately resulting in in-patient care and total life-upheaval. It's more than a decade later and she's just barely beginning to put her life together again. Thankful she's got a life.

People larking on this kindly just shut the absolute fuck up.

I don't have time for your shit, and the children are absolutely at risk of death, or worse.

If you haven't lived the life of a queer kid in high school, just opt out of this thread maybe.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:50 AM on August 4, 2023 [11 favorites]

I live in and love Connecticut, and I'm glad that this school is opening, even with the price tag. Granted, I'd love to see the "money follows the child" ethos here, especially for kids who are transferring because bullying at their home schools is severe enough that they really can't be served without outplacement--like the school for kids with special needs that my university runs, which is funded largely by payments from the kids' home districts--but I'm guessing they tried to negotiate with the state for that without any luck. (Wonder if IDEA applies here? Given that the Secretary of Education is from our state and has been good about rights of LGBT+ students, maybe that's worth a shot?) I do also think there are enough wealthy gay people in the state who might be able to be talked into scholarship/sponsorship donations.

My primary fear, though, is security, and I'm interested in what measures are in place. This is a solid liberal state on paper but I know from sad experience that there are still people here who would very easily view a concentration of LGBT kids in one school as a great opportunity to shoot 'em up.
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:01 AM on August 4, 2023 [2 favorites]

Oof, this thread. Thanks to moderators and folks in thread for some meaning making and push back.

A friend of mine in Chicago writes and gives trainings on trans affirming practices to organizations and institutions. I think the largest one they did was the LA county school district. I'd be curious to know what impact these professional development style interventions have versus trying to start a new school with the explicit intention to build an affirming school from the start. I think in either case it requires a lot of conscious, continuous work. These ways of affirming one another need to be responsive to people's needs, which will change and shift. There is also substantial work that needs to be done on legal fronts (like expanding the supreme court, and voting out bigoted reactionaries, and repealing laws) to allow a school like this to even exist in some places in the US. Who knows if even this school will face legal challenges.

This work of affirmation for LGBTQIA+ school children is essential. We must and we will keep building through active participation. Donate, volunteer and show up for local LGBTQIA+ youth orgs, y'all!
posted by kaelynski at 8:12 AM on August 4, 2023 [5 favorites]

Is this needed?
Yes.

Are there class issues here?
Yes.

Does it create a precedent in which we segregate kids’ based on identity group rather than creating less oppressive school environments where kids have some control over their own lives and will be less easily tempted to try to control other people with bigotry instead?
Yes.

Is that the fault of these kids/parents?
No.
Its all of our fault. Society refuses to make sure all kids are safe, so families protect those most at risk. We have to do better.
posted by vim876 at 8:24 AM on August 4, 2023 [3 favorites]

I appreciate those sharing their experiences about why this is necessary and important. I had a tough time in high school and at one point, my parents weren’t sure I’d come out of it. If this school can make life easier for kids who are struggling, I wish it all the best.
posted by kat518 at 9:25 AM on August 4, 2023 [1 favorite]

when I lived in the barrio in NYC my best friend was black...He was also gay.

I really don’t see how that’s relevant to the thread, and the fact that the “joke” in question hasn’t been deleted as blatantly biphobic is absolutely blowing my mind.
posted by not just everyday big moggies at 9:25 AM on August 4, 2023 [7 favorites]

subdee: I know there's the "teens are too young to know their own sexuality, unless it is heterosexual of course" crowd, and I disagree with those people, but sexuality is fluid.

The New Haven Register has an article focusing more on the people involved in this maybe-to-be school.

Nicolari, the founding head, originally put the idea forward as a possible charter school in 2019ish. But she says in the article:
"The reason this school didn’t happen” then “was because after 28 years of relationships with women, I fell in love with a man,” Nicolari said.

So it sounds like she's someone who very personally understands how sexuality can be fluid, or at least surprising.

However, I'm a little alarmed about her prior controversy when she was the principal at the alternative-education (public) charter school, which was located at the Boys and Girls Club in Ansonia (it's since been moved and renamed). Several students were asked to strip to underwear in an effort to find $70 that had gone missing from a teacher's bag. No criminal charges were filed; there was a successful civil suit against her and two teachers.

The optics are not great.
posted by Baethan at 9:37 AM on August 4, 2023 [4 favorites]

I'm sorry but if you paused opening a whole school because you feel like you ruined your bona fides by being bi, then how are you going to deal with teens? They're naturally going to be discovering their sexuality and fluid in their self definitions. It's already a fraught process and linking education to it makes the labels even more loaded.

I grew up in a very homophobic time and place, things have changed for the better in so many ways. I do remember that the one thing that made me feel super violated was having to change clothes or strip down at a teacher's command.

Anyway, this whole thing is a boundary violation waiting to happen.
posted by kingdead at 10:11 AM on August 4, 2023 [1 favorite]

When I saw this, it prompted a memory of a similar school being announced for Atlanta. I looked into it, and there was one, the Pride School, that started around 2016. It closed after just a few years due to lack of financial support and low numbers of students. From what I read, I'd expect the biggest issues to be that the students who need this school the most are not going to be financially well-resourced, and steady sources of external support will matter. The other is that there will need to be strong mental health resources and accommodations; it sounds like the Pride School understood that, but also just underestimated it.
posted by bizzyb at 6:10 AM on August 5, 2023