Blimey! Beyond Buckinghamshire bacon badgers: British bites...

August 28, 2017 9:11 AM

Back in crisp sandwich land, where Quidditch is real and sports stars eat real meals, foods are thrown or combined in imaginative ways. While quinoa burgers are out, Brits are undecided about ketchup on pizza and we've previously had the British burrito (Yorkshire pud around beef), there's bouquets for loved ones (except for Mary Berry's nation-dividing bolognese) or red pudding or meats for protein lovers, or pasty barms for northerners (don't forget side salad or a whole lemon for nutrition). Perhaps smother with Dan's Marmite hollandaise and wash it down with Cornish clotted cream gin? If you missed unclothed dining out, then go and eat at the library or have afternoon tea somewhere or a medieval banquet. And in Glasgow, Mister Singh is launching the avocado pakora. [post title]
posted by Wordshore (53 comments total)

I refuse to believe that is the first time someone has deep fried an avocado in Glasgow.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:35 AM on August 28, 2017 [10 favorites]

I just made eggs Benedict for my British house guests. Wish I'd seen this Marmite version! (Though it does frighten me a little.)
posted by shoesietart at 9:40 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

British Food, Explained For Americans

(Wrong about validity of beans on breakfast IMHO but otherwise pretty solid)
posted by Artw at 9:43 AM on August 28, 2017 [10 favorites]

I just made eggs Benedict for my British house guests. Wish I'd seen this Marmite version!

I love marmite, but no.
posted by Artw at 9:43 AM on August 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

My knee jerk reaction to ketchup on pizza was a resounding NO. And then I considered a bit. I like hot sauce and crushed potato chips on pizza. I like ketchup on hot dogs. Who am I to tell anyone how to eat? I may even try it in the future. Maybe even mustard on a ham and bacon pizza.
posted by Splunge at 9:43 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Never forget the French fry sandwich, aka chip butty.
posted by jfwlucy at 9:48 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

It depends - ketchup on American fast-food pizza? Sure, why, not, you get that with BBQ sauce on anyway. Ketchup on Italian style pizza? Fuck off you caveman.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:49 AM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

Dipping crusts is the use case given.

I am still against.
posted by Artw at 9:52 AM on August 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

HP sauce is better than barbecue sauce

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! No.
posted by Splunge at 9:56 AM on August 28, 2017 [8 favorites]

I can't defend her on herbs, but Marcella Hazan's bolognase calls for white wine and milk, so Mme. Berry's critics can fuck right off on that score.

I'm sure whatever the dinner lady called spag bol and served over chips didn't, of course...
posted by Diablevert at 10:05 AM on August 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

Yorkshire pudding certainly can be eaten as a pudding, e.g with raspberry vinegar or, in times of shortage, treacle. (No, not black treacle and stop pretending you thought it was. That would be odd.)
posted by StephenB at 10:23 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

I like ketchup on hot dogs. Who am I to tell anyone how to eat?

Oh, is this where I get to point out that if you were to put neon green relish, a dill pickle spear, some celery salt and a fresh, ripe tomato (not the plasticky, fast-food, pink, mealy, near-cucumbers you find around Lake Michigan) into a blender, you get something very near, but quite as good as a fat stripe of Heinz-style ketchup?

You're average hot dog is salty, texture-less kids' food. You want to elevate it? Great. But don't pretend there is a correct way to dress your artisanal tube of snouts and elbows.
posted by Anoplura at 10:26 AM on August 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

That sounds like State Fair food. Just add a stick and it's a go.
posted by mightshould at 10:45 AM on August 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

*bangs fists on table* CHIP BUTTY CHIP BUTTY
posted by poffin boffin at 10:51 AM on August 28, 2017 [8 favorites]

Can we at least agree that the British Burrito is not a sandwich?
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:00 AM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

Glasgow = Munchie Box!
posted by bwvol at 11:11 AM on August 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

MetaFilter: An artisanal tube of snouts and elbows
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:13 AM on August 28, 2017 [5 favorites]

That Yorkshire burrito sounds fantastic. I love Yorkshire pudding.
posted by Autumnheart at 11:20 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Well, now I'm craving cheese and pickle sandwiches and banoffee pie washed down with fizzy lemonade.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:29 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Can we at least agree that the British Burrito is not a sandwich?

I dunno? It seems kind of sandwich-y to me.
posted by shoesietart at 11:31 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh, is this where I get to point out that if you were to put neon green relish, a dill pickle spear, some celery salt and a fresh, ripe tomato (not the plasticky, fast-food, pink, mealy, near-cucumbers you find around Lake Michigan) into a blender, you get something very near, but quite as good as a fat stripe of Heinz-style ketchup?

You're average hot dog is salty, texture-less kids' food. You want to elevate it? Great. But don't pretend there is a correct way to dress your artisanal tube of snouts and elbows.

FLAGGED.

...and you forgot the mustard, the chopped onions and the sport peppers.

...and you just through half of German cuisine under the bus there.
posted by leotrotsky at 11:32 AM on August 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! No.

Not sure which article the HP vs Barbecue comparison came from, but I imagine it's between classic HP and BBQ sauce, e.g. HP BBQ, Heinz Barbecue, und so weiter.
posted by zamboni at 11:35 AM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

I got onto the Avocado Pakora, and came across singhara flour, a flour made from water chestnuts, that is also used as a thickening agent. This is a thing I have to try. It is used in deep frying batter for pakora.
posted by Oyéah at 12:47 PM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

Can we at least agree that the British Burrito is not a sandwich?

I say! Steady on there, good chap. One must apply due procedure and process to matters of this particular nature. A hastily-drawn conclusion is oft vulgar and, dare one say it, somewhat continental in nature.

It depends - ketchup on American fast-food pizza? Sure, why not...

YOU ARE A MONSTER
posted by Wordshore at 12:49 PM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

Just the name Marmite scares me, it sounds like marmalade from blended varmints.
posted by Oyéah at 1:04 PM on August 28, 2017 [6 favorites]

I refuse to believe that is the first time someone has deep fried an avocado in Glasgow.

Now that avocados have dramatically reduced in price at a US chain due to Amazon, one expects that many more of our cousins in the distant western lands will be experimenting with deep frying and other variations on this most exotic of {looks at avocado properly for the first time with some bewilderment} things is it deliberately engineered to look this shapingly erotic?
posted by Wordshore at 1:18 PM on August 28, 2017

this most exotic of {looks at avocado properly for the first time with some bewilderment} things is it deliberately engineered to look this shapingly erotic?

Alligator fetish, hunh?
posted by Diablevert at 1:32 PM on August 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

Avocados are actually deliberately engineered to be eaten by extinct megafauna.
posted by soren_lorensen at 1:39 PM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

I just got back from England. One evening in Lancashire my host told me he was going out to get "Chippy Tea." He asked if I wanted some. I told him I would have some, because I assumed it was some sort of hot drink.

It isn't.
posted by Repack Rider at 1:44 PM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

But don't pretend there is a correct way to dress your artisanal tube of snouts and elbows.

The only truly improper way is if you're some sort of bunless cut-weinered kraut eater.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:09 PM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

It isn't.

No, it's far far better
posted by soren_lorensen at 2:52 PM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

And then there is Britain's contribution to the world of coffee: the Angliano*. Run half a mug's worth of water through a Nespresso cartridge, top up with milk, and put in the microwave until it's frothy.

* “Angliano” is an Italian colloquialism meaning, roughly, “insane” or “deranged”; literally: “gone English”.
posted by acb at 3:09 PM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Clotted. Cream. Gin.

I went to order it immediately. $52AU for a bottle from Master of Malt - not bad! Postage: $78AU.

No problem - I'll add some Marmalade-of-Manchester gin to the shipment to make it worthwhile. Full gin breakfast experience.

Hmm. Still doesn't seem to be quite worth the expense. I know! Some McQueen's Smokey Chilli gin!

$212AU for three bottles of gin. But wait, there's customs taxes to consider, which would take this to about $400AU.

Anybody from Cornwall here?
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:38 PM on August 28, 2017 [5 favorites]

I don't know what's led to it but most of the 9 distilleries they list in Cornwall are pretty recently established, my SO is a bit of a gin drinker and has tried about 4 of them, I will point out the clotted cream variant to her, I am sure we will come across it at craft fairs hereabouts.

turbid: I think I am the only Mefite living in Cornwall currently. I am not sure I fancy starting a trans-global gin smuggling network though.
posted by biffa at 3:46 PM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Fifteen years ago, I lived with an Indian housemate for a year, and would often cook dinner for the both of us. Except on the days when I'd knock on her door and ask if she wanted tea, she'd say no, and then half an hour later come into the kitchen to make her own dinner. Often the same thing I was eating, since we did our grocery shopping together.

I only realised what was going on a few years ago....

I had fried avocado recently, battered, but homemade not from a chippy. They were GLORIOUS.
posted by Helga-woo at 4:10 PM on August 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

I am not sure I fancy starting a trans-global gin smuggling network though.

Come on me old mucker!
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:08 PM on August 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

I see the confusion, you're thinking of builders tea.
posted by Artw at 5:09 PM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Now that avocados have dramatically reduced in price at a US chain due to Amazon

I know! 30% cheaper, even here in Canada. It's now so cheap I am planning on using mulched avocado and heat-crisped bread as the building material for a house.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:20 PM on August 28, 2017 [6 favorites]

This post may be Peak Wordshore.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:30 PM on August 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

We are on vacation in England at the moment. Currently, we are in London, but for the past week we were bopping about the countryside. I was surprised to discover burritos in Wales, but not all that surprised to see that they were burritos made by a people who have only heard of them in myth and legend.

(Also, I'm on my own on the evening of the 30th while my wife and son go to Aladdin. If anyone can recommend a Craft beer bar - suffering a bit of Cask Marque Fatigue - within an easy trip of Kensington I'd appreciate it. It's my birthday.)
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:34 PM on August 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

I'm wondering how long it took from an avocado appearing in Glasgow and someone deciding to fry it.
posted by quarsan at 12:05 AM on August 29, 2017 [5 favorites]

Yorkshire Puddings with Ice Cream & Golden Syrup
posted by Wordshore at 5:13 AM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

they were burritos made by a people who have only heard of them in myth and legend.

In the 80s, this perfectly described the experience of ordering British pizza. The situation has mostly improved. (Mostly.)
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:32 AM on August 29, 2017 [2 favorites]

In the 80s, parsley was considered a spice in Ireland, or so claims the comedian David O'Doherty.
posted by acb at 7:31 AM on August 29, 2017 [2 favorites]

In the 80s, this perfectly described the experience of ordering British pizza. The situation has mostly improved. (Mostly.)


Yeah, the pizza I had in London in '01 was pretty good. It was at a relatively upscalish Italian bistro, though, so I can't speak to the quality of workaday carryout pizza.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:26 AM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Dominos sucks same as anywhere else.
posted by Artw at 8:34 AM on August 29, 2017 [2 favorites]

If there weren't any frozen corn niblets or pieces of carrot on your pizza, it is an improvement over what I experienced as a very disappointed and hungry tween in 1980s Cambridgeshire.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:05 AM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

This post may be Peak Wordshore.

Not quite.
posted by Wordshore at 9:27 AM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

We stop at Pizza Express every time we are over here. It started as a desperation stop some 15 years ago and has turned into nostalgia and indigestion all in one.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:03 AM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

On the avocado pakora in Glasgow front ...

It's sadly gone now but there used to be a place on Woodlands Road in Glasgow (the Charing Cross end, right next to the petrol station) that was your basic 3am-full-of-booze-want-fried-food place that specialised in pakora of all sorts that were definitely out of the ordinary - mushroom & brie was my favourite, though pumpkin pakora was also pretty good. If they had a thing that could be made into pakora, they'd do it for you. I'm pretty sure that though avocado was never an option, that was more down to the nights I was in there rather than the fact that they've never done it.
posted by Len at 11:04 AM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

My local supermarket does haggis pakora. It, alongside haggis tortilla and the munchie box, is now on the list of things I have eaten that I will not eat again.

And may I also present the Avozilla. South Africa is apparently responsible, which given the country's interesting history of genetic engineering, you are free to find unsettling.
posted by Devonian at 11:55 AM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

My local supermarket does haggis pakora.

In similar news, I had black pudding wontons in York a while back, but those were delicious, would definitely eat again.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:22 PM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I can see black pudding wonton (and haggis pakora) working really well. But it didn't in the example I experimentally guzzled.
posted by Devonian at 4:22 PM on August 29, 2017 [1 favorite]