If people acted like dogs

November 10, 2018 9:36 PM

Most of us love dogs, but let’s face it some of their behavior can be pretty strange, and if you didn’t think so before it’s time to put yourself in their paws. Hot Paper Comics creator Martin Rosner created a series that allows you to do some hilarious role reversal, wherein he depicts scenarios that answers the question “what if people acted like dogs.” (SLBoredPanda)
posted by Johnny Wallflower (20 comments total)

Must…resist urge…to insert punctuation into quotes…
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:38 PM on November 10, 2018 [4 favorites]

We have proof that dogs are long-time poker players, but unfortunately their tails are sure tells. Not having any, humans hold the upper hand at the gambling table.
posted by cenoxo at 10:26 PM on November 10, 2018 [3 favorites]

Hmm... I'm a staunch believer in the idea that humanity would be better off if more people acted like dogs (ok, at least until I go to sleep and please can you not sleep so close to me, you doofuses).
posted by drewbage1847 at 11:30 PM on November 10, 2018 [2 favorites]

My dude was feeling bad about himself yesterday, so I rubbed his sides vigorously and told him what a good boy he was. He seemed sceptical once I was finished but I like to think it really helped.
posted by terretu at 11:42 PM on November 10, 2018 [5 favorites]

My buddy Meeko (now passed) once tucked his head between the nightstand and the bedpost, afraid of the thunderstorm outside. I hoisted up his trembling body, tucked him into bed and held him until his shivering stopped. Then he licked my face.

I can’t think, offhand, of when I’ve ever been more directly useful to the universe than at that moment.
posted by darkstar at 12:33 AM on November 11, 2018 [26 favorites]

These are great! The postman one in particular made me laugh. But the one with the headstone...eesh. Good, but too real.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:28 AM on November 11, 2018 [13 favorites]

Didier is a French movie from the late 90s where Alain Chabat (a famous French comic) plays a dog come to life as a human. Warmly recommended if you can find it !
posted by Riton at 5:45 AM on November 11, 2018 [1 favorite]

This reminded me of the I had this idea for a story/movie/rpg scenario where somewhere a dog gets bitten by a werewolf, and next full moon turns into a naked human. A naked human who, if they see someone they like, might run up and start licking their face.
posted by fings at 6:27 AM on November 11, 2018 [5 favorites]

NSFW - George Carlin: I’d never leave the house.
posted by cenoxo at 7:02 AM on November 11, 2018

fings: even talking about this is sort of spoilery so rot13d:

Guvf vf nyzbfg gur cybg bs Gur K Svyrf, frnfba sebz gjragl fvkgrra rcvfbqr 3, va juvpu Zhyqre naq Fphyyl svaq n ovcrqny yvmneq orvat gung orpnzr n jreruhzna nsgre orvat ovggra ol n uhzna.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:07 AM on November 11, 2018 [2 favorites]

fings, that's essentially one of the three possible character origins in Werewolf: The Apocalypse -- roughly half of all werewolves were born as wolves and discover the ability to shift between wolf and human between ages 1 and 2. Naturally, they tend to be a bit challenged where human social graces are concerned.
posted by lumensimus at 7:10 AM on November 11, 2018 [1 favorite]

If I acted like my dog I would a) run to the door and whine until you got up and walked all the way over to let me out, whining the whole time and prancing back and forth like I *really* needed to go, but as soon your fingers touched the doorknob would suddenly turn and race as fast as possible to the warm seat you just left, jump in it and then look up innocently when you got there; and b) crawl into beds, chairs, and couches and then cry incessantly until you came and covered me up with a blanket, and if every inch of me wasn't sufficiently tucked in to the point I was a little burrito I would make little snuffling sob-sighs until you fixed it, after which I would immediately make little happy grunt-grunt-grunt noises and go to sleep.
posted by barchan at 10:11 AM on November 11, 2018 [12 favorites]

There would be elaborate butt-sniffing rituals every time you interacted with another person.
posted by sfenders at 10:18 AM on November 11, 2018 [1 favorite]

i too am scared of the vacuum
posted by poffin boffin at 11:28 AM on November 11, 2018 [9 favorites]

*eats inedible garbage, vomits up garbage, eats vomit*
posted by aspersioncast at 12:33 PM on November 11, 2018 [2 favorites]

That needs to come with a gutpunch warning for strip 8.
posted by rednikki at 1:56 PM on November 11, 2018 [3 favorites]

Metafilter for Dogs: make little grunt-grunt-grunt noises and go to sleep.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 3:31 PM on November 11, 2018 [3 favorites]

The Oatmeal: If my dogs were a pair of middle-aged men.
posted by Harald74 at 11:12 PM on November 11, 2018 [2 favorites]

barchan your dog sounds absolutely perfect.
posted by twilightlost at 12:08 PM on November 13, 2018 [1 favorite]

yep - perfectly spoiled
posted by barchan at 12:15 PM on November 13, 2018