"How pathetic it looked, how unable for life."

March 28, 2024 12:00 PM

I have been pregnant five times, and intimately involved in two pregnancies not my own. My experiences of pregnancy have led me to a conclusion that has not been stated clearly or often. The word “pregnancy” must always be preceded by the definite article this.

(archive.org link, cw for some detailed talk about a miscarriage)

In November, Commonweal Magazine published a series on "Abortion After Dobbs." "This Pregnancy," by Mary Gordon, emphasizes a situational ethics of abortion, from a decidedly pro-choice and Catholic position. In it she discusses seven pregnancies: two abortions she had (one illegal, the other legal), two births she gave, a miscarriage she had, and two miscarriages she attended to as a neighbor and family member.

(Here is the full series. I didn't find the same value--or values--in all of them. Like I straight-up objected to some of them. It's a liberal publication, but still a Catholic one. They're worth perusing even they though aren't all good and one or two left me waving my fist in frustration.)

posted by kensington314 (6 comments total)

I’ve been pregnant 12 times, 3 live births, 2 surviving kids. For years every period was a go/no go point in my life. I deeply wanted kids, and each pregnancy took something out of me physically.

And out of that experience, I went from pro-choice to rabidly pro-choice. Reproductive choice, where it can be granted by technology, is empowering. When it isn’t available, in any direction, even without the question of what happens to the baby, it’s viscerally disturbing in a way that is hard to explain.

Each of my pregnancies made by body alien to me, and the ones that ended early — and even especially the birth of my daughter with a 2X nuchal cord, the cord that let my oxygen support her pinched enough to cause irreparable damage to her organs — made it an enemy to my hopes and dreams. We are still making peace.

This was a lovely piece, thanks for sharing.
posted by warriorqueen at 12:39 PM on March 28 [46 favorites]

Sorry for your loss warriorqueen...

Ms. Windo was pregnant 7 times. Two abortions, then a live birth, then a stillbirth at full term, and then three more kids after that. And then her parts fell out. Will we ever find peace with our loss? Probably not, as we will never get him back. But we can move on. But we will still cry if we think about it...

Fuck these "pro-life" shitbags. We are all free, even the pregnant women.

.
posted by Windopaene at 1:46 PM on March 28 [15 favorites]

As a man, I’m incapable of understanding how a woman rationalizes her feelings and conclusions about pregnancy. She alone is the owner of those feelings. I listen intently to try and understand as best I can, but my role is to support her in her needs, not to rationalize her feelings for her. Mine is not the opinion that matters if a fetus is a person or an appendage. It is hers and she knows best. It’s part of her body until it isn’t. My experience has been that every woman has a different take on this and all are valid for each individual woman.

My wife has had a number of miscarriages, an abortion, and is the mother of our two daughters. She is my hero. That kind of trauma would bring any man to pieces, yet she thrived through all of it. If nothing else, I was reminded how precious the lives we are responsible for are, and how important it is to honor the opportunities for life that slipped away.
posted by WorkshopGuyPNW at 5:45 PM on March 28 [8 favorites]

I was adopted as an infant over 70 years ago. My best guess tells me that my birth mother didn't have another option, which saddens me.

I am vehemently pro-choice. I've been pregnant 4 times—2 abortions and 2 children. I worked at an abortion clinic in the 1970s and spent many years as a volunteer clinic escort and defender in the 1980s and 90s. While I'm aware that even after Roe vs Wade safe, legal abortions still weren't accessible to all who wanted/needed them (those in poverty, living in rural areas, the very young, etc.), it sickens me that we are going backward.

Thank you, kensington314, for sharing this.
posted by Scout405 at 9:15 PM on March 28 [7 favorites]

Yes, WorkshopGuyPNW, Ms. Windo is my hero. What she has gone through...

I lost it when I had a bunch of DVTs and had to have daily injections...

And she went through all of that.
posted by Windopaene at 9:44 PM on March 28 [3 favorites]

Great article. There is no going back. Freedom or bust.
posted by eustatic at 4:23 AM on March 30 [1 favorite]