You rush forward as an ass under the pelt of a lion.

February 28, 2012 1:06 PM

The Martin Luther Insult Generator. That is all.
posted by LarryC (75 comments total)

You pant after the garlic and melons of Egypt and have already long suffered from perverted tastes.

guilty!
posted by nathancaswell at 1:07 PM on February 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

"There, I said it." - M. Luther
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:08 PM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

MetaFilter: The most insane heretics and ingrafters of heretical perversity.
posted by griphus at 1:08 PM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

At last, a new tagline generator. Just put "Metafilter:" in front of any of these.

Metafilter: Worthy only to be mocked by the words of error.

Metafilter: Ignorant, stupid, godless blasphemers.

Metafilter: You pant after the garlic and melons of Egypt and have already long suffered from perverted tastes.

...OK, maybe not that last one.
posted by maryr at 1:09 PM on February 28, 2012

My soul, like Ezekiel's, is nauseated at eating your bread covered with human dung. Do you know what this means?

N-no?
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:09 PM on February 28, 2012 [21 favorites]

Metafilter: moderate enforcer and eulogizer of moderation.
posted by maryr at 1:11 PM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

I went to it to test maryr's tagline generator theory, and received:

Perhaps you want me to die of unrelieved boredom while you keep on talking.

Make of that what you will.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:11 PM on February 28, 2012 [13 favorites]

You're as fitted to write an FPP as an ass to play on a harp.
posted by orange swan at 1:11 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: Your words are so foolishly and ignorantly composed that I cannot believe you understand them.

(I had no idea Martin Luther was this sharp-tongued. This is wonderful.)
posted by Rory Marinich at 1:11 PM on February 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

You are a wolf and an apostle of Satan.

It's like he knows me. Uncanny.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:13 PM on February 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

I went to it to test maryr's tagline generator theory

It is pretty scary stuff:

You are the ultimate scourges of the world, the Antichrist together with your sophists and bishops.

Maybe we should change the name of the site to MetaLuther.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:13 PM on February 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

May the Lord Jesus protect me and all devout souls from your contagion and your company!

This prayer actually worked.
posted by three blind mice at 1:13 PM on February 28, 2012

MetaFilter: Your words are so foolishly and ignorantly composed that I cannot believe you understand them.

You have no idea how badly I want to write that on the student papers I grade...
posted by BlooPen at 1:14 PM on February 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

(I had no idea Martin Luther was this sharp-tongued. This is wonderful.)

If you think this stuff is good, wait until you hear what he had to say about the Jews! Hint: not a huge fan.
posted by theodolite at 1:15 PM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

MetaFilter: You arsonists, enemies of languages and truth!
posted by brundlefly at 1:15 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Excuse me, I need to nail 95 FPP's to someone's front door.

Anyone got directions to jessamyn's house? No reason...
posted by maryr at 1:16 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I keep getting the same insult over and over (FF 10). Aptly, the insult is "You are worthy only to be mocked by the words of error." BTW I am a software tester. It's like the thing KNOWS me.
posted by Currer Belfry at 1:20 PM on February 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: Perhaps you want me to die of unrelieved boredom while you keep on talking.
posted by Kabanos at 1:21 PM on February 28, 2012

My soul, like Ezekiel's, is nauseated at eating your bread covered with human dung. Do you know what this means?

It means that you eat poop-bread and the nausea is your body telling you to stop, Mr. Luther. No wonder he had bowel trouble.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:22 PM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

If you think this stuff is good, wait until you hear what he had to say about the Jews! Hint: not a huge fan.

Yeah, his basic position seemed to be that they'd be perfectly nice people if only they stopped being Jews.
posted by verb at 1:24 PM on February 28, 2012

I would go on a brain rampage forthwith — alas, present company makes but no more than a snack.
posted by Zombie Martin Luther at 1:24 PM on February 28, 2012

I wouldn't trust anybody who mixes garlic with melons; I don't care how many Food Network shows he's on.

My favorite is Your words are so foolishly and ignorantly composed that I cannot believe you understand them. (and I don't care how many FoxNews shows he's on)
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:25 PM on February 28, 2012

If you think this stuff is good, wait until you hear what he had to say about the Jews! Hint: not a huge fan.

I love the fact that the website finds it necessary to qualify that you're about to read a notorious anti-Semitic document, not one of those plain ole' regular anti-Semitic documents.
posted by griphus at 1:26 PM on February 28, 2012

"You rush forward as an ass under the pelt of a lion."
Did anyone else immediately think of Puzzle in C. S. Lewis's The Last Battle when they read this?
posted by Paragon at 1:28 PM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Are you ignorant of what it means to be ignorant?

That's gold, right there.
posted by Mcable at 1:30 PM on February 28, 2012

I'm gonna go ahead and just steal this verbatim for every argument ever: "What do you mean when you say this? Are you dreaming in the throes of a fever or are you laboring under a madness?"
posted by davidjmcgee at 1:34 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

"You're a filthy, hook-nosed Jew banker!"

Wow they even got the anti-Semitic stuff in there!
posted by basicchannel at 1:34 PM on February 28, 2012

I have been waiting for this. Well done.
posted by reverend cuttle at 1:34 PM on February 28, 2012

You are the white devil and a glittering Satan.

'Tis a fair cop.
posted by amy lecteur at 1:41 PM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

So amazing. Thank you for posting this.
posted by Corduroy at 1:42 PM on February 28, 2012

Did anyone else immediately think of Puzzle in C. S. Lewis's The Last Battle when they read this?

Yes, here's the quote though: "Our opponents, having injected their own views into the words of the fathers, rush forward as an ass under the pelt of a lion. These deceitful workers manufacture principal articles of faith for us, not from the opinions of the fathers, but from their own, which they impose on what they fathers say."

So the sin is actually Shift's (lying, false gods) rather than Puzzle's (acedia.)
posted by michaelh at 1:43 PM on February 28, 2012

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

-- Martin Luther King Jr. Insult Generator
posted by Rock Steady at 1:44 PM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

his basic position seemed to be that they'd be perfectly nice people if only they stopped being Jews

Speaking as a Jew, and in the spirit of fairness to Luther, I have discovered this is a very common and current view, shared by many fundamentalist Christian.
posted by bearwife at 1:47 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

You are like mouse-dropping in the pepper.

Ouch!

I'm reminded of the episode of The Simpsons in which Homer must repeatedly insult Ned to get him do break out of his severe repression:

Homer: Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish in the eyes of others.
Ned: Well howdy, Homer! [partition slides up] Ooh, thanks for dropping by!
Foster: Hmm. He's not responding. [into microphone] Proceed to level 2 antagonism. [slides down partition]
Homer: Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.
Ned: Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder. Heh heh. [partition slides up] Ooh! Thanks for dropping by!
Foster: Ah, he's still repressing. [into microphone] Maximum hostility factor. [slide down partition]
Homer: I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now that's psychiatry! Eh? Eh?
posted by Rock Steady at 1:51 PM on February 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

At last, a new tagline generator.

- You conduct yourself like one drunk or asleep, belching out between your snores, "Yes, No."

- You do nothing with all your profusion of words but fight a fire with dry straw.

- I am tired of the pestilent voice of your sirens.

- You should rightly be called lawyers for asses.

- In appearance and words you simulate modesty, but you are so swollen with haughtiness, arrogance, pride, malice, villainy, rashness, superciliousness, ignorance, and stupidity that there is nothing to surpass you.
posted by jinjo at 1:56 PM on February 28, 2012

Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.

I have a terrible urge to include that in my holiday cards this year as a random shibboleth.
posted by elizardbits at 1:58 PM on February 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: Your astute minds have been completely turned into stinking mushrooms.
posted by Runes at 2:03 PM on February 28, 2012

This has made my entire day brighter, and has given me a delightful coping mechanism for dealing with a point of frustration in my life.
posted by Nimmie Amee at 2:04 PM on February 28, 2012

This has changed the face of flame outs forever and my only regret is that I won't be able to drop these into some thread arguing about health care or Obama or hipsters.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 2:07 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

And here´s one for AskMe
You cowardly slave, you corrupt sycophant, with your sickening advice!
posted by adamvasco at 2:10 PM on February 28, 2012

Also, I wish Lutherans would talk like this. I would consider converting.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 2:10 PM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

You are like mouse-dropping in the pepper.
posted by adamvasco at 2:12 PM on February 28, 2012

You are dumber than Seriphian frogs and fishes

What's the deal with Seriphian frogs and fishes? Dumber than average frogs and fishes from other parts of the world?
posted by Redhush at 2:12 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Perhaps you want me to die of unrelieved boredom while you keep on talking.

Yep, taking that one to the office.
posted by Graygorey at 2:14 PM on February 28, 2012

Schopenhauer had equally entertaining insults, most of them directed at Hegel.
posted by goethean at 2:34 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

You are more corrupt than any Babylon or Sodom ever was, and, as far as I can see, are characterized by a completely depraved, hopeless, and notorious godlessness.
From The Freedom of a Christian, pg. 336 of Luther's Works, Vol. 31
posted by curious nu at 2:38 PM on February 28, 2012

It is presumptuous for people who are as ignorant as you are not to take up the work of a herdsman.


Ouch.
posted by ambrosia at 3:14 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I was raised Lutheran and I approve this insult generator.
posted by padraigin at 3:18 PM on February 28, 2012

MetaFilter: Pious and honest people, who cannot do anything but calumniate and lie.
posted by Xoebe at 3:33 PM on February 28, 2012

I am tired of the pestilent voice of your sirens.

Well, SOOOORY! I am still quite fond of my sirens, thank you very much.
posted by grapesaresour at 3:39 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah, his basic position seemed to be that they'd be perfectly nice people if only they stopped being Jews.

In fairness, this actually is true of me.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 3:51 PM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Listen, you ass, you are a particularly crass ass, indeed, you are a filthy sow!

/cry
posted by incandenza at 4:11 PM on February 28, 2012

ambrosia: "It is presumptuous for people who are as ignorant as you are not to take up the work of a herdsman."

Short version: go fuck sheep.

(border collies, however, are very smart.)
posted by notsnot at 4:25 PM on February 28, 2012

In appearance and words you simulate modesty, but you are so swollen with haughtiness, arrogance, pride, malice, villainy, rashness, superciliousness, ignorance, and stupidity that there is nothing to surpass you.

It's like he knows me.
posted by Hicksu at 4:54 PM on February 28, 2012

I got two takeaways from this. First, Martin Luther was a dick. Second, people thought of him as the progressive, enlightened version of religion.

Whoah.
posted by Malor at 5:01 PM on February 28, 2012

MetaFilter: Your astute minds have been completely turned into stinking mushrooms.

That says it all.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:01 PM on February 28, 2012

These are best read in the voice of Alan Rickman.
posted by Foosnark at 5:05 PM on February 28, 2012 [9 favorites]

I was imagining them in a Patrick Stewart voice but I have now seen the error of my ways.
posted by elizardbits at 5:11 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

This has contributed greatly to my understanding of the Reformation. And the Counter-Reformation.
posted by ovvl at 5:15 PM on February 28, 2012

God, this is fantastic.

Metafilter: You people are more stupid than a block of wood.

Metafilter: We leave you to your own devices, for nothing properly suits you except hypocrisy, flattery, and lies.

Metafilter: What bilgewater of heresies has ever been spoken so heretically as what you have said?

Metafilter: You are full of poisonous refuse and insane foolishness.

Metafilter: What you say is a blasphemy that has made you worthy of a thousand deaths.
posted by GastrocNemesis at 5:32 PM on February 28, 2012

"Your home, once the holiest of all, has become the most licentious den of thieves, the most shameless of all brothels, the kingdom of sin, death, and hell. It is so bad that even Antichrist himself, if he should come, could think of nothing to add to its wickedness."

This one's getting posted in my cubicle.
posted by jason's_planet at 5:44 PM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I like how a branch of Christianity is named after a potty-mouthed prick.

E.g., "You are like mouse-dropping in the pepper."

[From On the Councils and the Church, pg. 56 of Luther's Works, Vol. 41]
posted by Eiwalker at 6:08 PM on February 28, 2012

Ask MetaFilter: You cowardly slave, you corrupt sycophant, with your sickening advice!
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:12 PM on February 28, 2012

Your sin smells to high heaven.

From Heidelberg Disputation, pg. 51 of Luther's Works, Vol. 31

Did he invent that phrase, "smells to high heaven"? Because, like, if so, fuck Protestantism; that is his legacy.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:13 PM on February 28, 2012

Not sure if this is in the collection, but it's one of my favorites:

“Reason is the Devil’s greatest whore; by nature and manner of being she is a noxious whore; she is a prostitute, the Devil’s appointed whore; whore eaten by scab and leprosy who ought to be trodden under foot and destroyed, she and her wisdom… Throw dung in her face to make her ugly. She is and she ought to be drowned in baptism… She would deserve, the wretch, to be banished to the filthiest place in the house, to the closets.”

—Martin Luther, Works, Erlangen Edition v. 16, pp. 142-148.
posted by Eiwalker at 6:31 PM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

My soul, like Ezekiel's, is nauseated at eating your bread covered with human dung. Do you know what this means?

That I found a Papa John's?

Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.

Shit, it reads like he wrote for Deadwood.
posted by Amanojaku at 7:11 PM on February 28, 2012

Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.

Shit, it reads like he wrote for Deadwood.

That one was Homer Simpson.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:22 PM on February 28, 2012

You should rightly be called lawyers for asses.

In the unlikely event that I change my mind about Christianity, I'm definitely going with Lutheran.

bearwife: "'his basic position seemed to be that they'd be perfectly nice people if only they stopped being Jews'

Speaking as a Jew, and in the spirit of fairness to Luther, I have discovered this is a very common and current view, shared by many fundamentalist Christian."

The many Christian Fundamentalists I know seem to be strongly pro-Jewish and pro-Israel in the (perhaps selfish) spirit of getting in good with God's chosen people, especially since they see Jews as controlling access to the holy land and as the sworn enemies of The Terrorist Muslims Who Hate America. I know that they would prefer that you let Jesus into your heart and be born again but I haven't heard them say anything like that about Jews in particular above and beyond saying that everyone should do that.

I've never heard any of them talk about blood libel, The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, how Hitler had some good ideas or how Jews control the media. I've only seen that anti-Semitic bullshit on the Internet.

(Non-combative Atheist; live in the bible belt)
posted by double block and bleed at 8:06 PM on February 28, 2012

Man, I would hate to be in a rap battle with Luther.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 10:19 PM on February 28, 2012

In a similar vein, the 16th Century theologian Theodore Beza once called an opponent ‘a great ass who is distinguished from other asses by wearing a hat:’ perhaps the earliest recorded instance of asshattery.
posted by misteraitch at 11:57 PM on February 28, 2012 [4 favorites]

This morning in the shower I thought of a much better joke for my Martin Luther King Jr. Insult Generator, so here goes.

"I have a dream that one day, you will shut the hell up."
-- Martin Luther King Jr. Insult Generator
posted by Rock Steady at 6:06 AM on February 29, 2012

B.P.: Maybe we should change the name of the site to MetaLuther.

Better: MartinFilter.

I took a class on Martin Luther in college from an amazing professor, Dan Brown But Not That Dan Brown who was a Penetcostal preacher [he wouldn't produce glossolalia in class for us] and German teacher and Army vet and and and… After many years of Catholic education, such in-depth reading of Luther's own words was fabtastic. And yes, Luther could really sound like a dick sometimes.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:26 AM on February 29, 2012

The many Christian Fundamentalists I know seem to be strongly pro-Jewish and pro-Israel in the (perhaps selfish) spirit of getting in good with God's chosen people, especially since they see Jews as controlling access to the holy land and as the sworn enemies of The Terrorist Muslims Who Hate America. I know that they would prefer that you let Jesus into your heart and be born again but I haven't heard them say anything like that about Jews in particular above and beyond saying that everyone should do that.

I agree that most Christian fundamentalists I know are pro-Israel and anti-Islam. But the Israel thing is all about Jews becoming Christians as predicted in the fundamentalist Christian last days thingie -- the one set forth in the Left Behind series. I.e., we Jews are really popular because we have the potential to see the light and become Christian, and this is exactly what this theology predicts. Likewise, keeping Israel strong is all about furthering the Left Behind end of days scenario.

This may not be classic anti-Semitism but frankly it isn't very pro-Jewish either. However much the people who believe in these things view themselves as well wishers.

I for one would prefer to die the same benighted Jew I was when I started.
posted by bearwife at 12:24 PM on March 1, 2012

I thought most of the support of Christian Fundamentalists for Israel is based on "better that they die in a war against the evil Muslims than us."
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:12 PM on March 1, 2012

I thought most of the support of Christian Fundamentalists for Israel is based on "better that they die in a war against the evil Muslims than us."

Nope. As recently as the 80s and 90s I knew a lot of people in the Christian publishing industry (for example) who viewed Muslims as being roughly on the same "team" in a global struggle against secular humanism. The great respect for Israel and Judaism is more about Christianity's self-image as "Judaism Fulfilled" and the popular rapturist belief that all the Jews will all convert during the end times.

Many evangelicals and dominionists also favor strong US support for Israel in part because they believe that God "blesses those who bless Israel, and curses those who curse her." It's an odd mix, and the end result ends up being pretty condescending in a lot of situations. The average dominionist Christian "loves israel" in the same way that a horny midwestern teenager who's watched lots of anime "really thinks asian girls are hot." It's fetishism more than genuine respect.
posted by verb at 5:20 PM on March 1, 2012