The grass is not greener when you have bigger boobs
April 13, 2012 5:47 AM Subscribe
For those who wonder what possible downsides there could be to having big boobs, there is now an illustrated guide, Busty Girl Problems which highlights some of the everyday problems having a big bust causes. It's not *all* bad though, there are a few perks.
My main issue is leaning on counters that are about chest height. It's impossible to do so without setting my boobs on it like a tray.
Also it is great to be in a cab on the way home from the movies and find some leftover popcorn lurking in your cleavage.
posted by elizardbits at 6:11 AM on April 13, 2012 [18 favorites]
Also it is great to be in a cab on the way home from the movies and find some leftover popcorn lurking in your cleavage.
posted by elizardbits at 6:11 AM on April 13, 2012 [18 favorites]
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
posted by indubitable at 6:14 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 6:14 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
I have done this at concerts. I once had trouble remembering the lyrics to a song I was performing, so I ran out to the car and got my mp3 player to listen to my practice track. Reminded myself of the lyrics, then got the call to go onstage. No-one was any the wiser.
posted by LN at 6:16 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by LN at 6:16 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
indubitable: "Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis"
"He used to love to put popsicle sticks between chairs, and he'd just slap it on them and break them in half…"
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:22 AM on April 13, 2012
"He used to love to put popsicle sticks between chairs, and he'd just slap it on them and break them in half…"
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:22 AM on April 13, 2012
The thing is too, weight on the front means you're better off not slouching or you fall over, so you stand up straighter, so you stick out more, and get the stinkeye (sometimes) from people who think you're flaunting.
And it would only be the same as "big penis" indubitable, if your penis was in the middle of your chest, right at a lot of people's eye-height, instead of discretely in your pants.
posted by emjaybee at 6:22 AM on April 13, 2012 [18 favorites]
And it would only be the same as "big penis" indubitable, if your penis was in the middle of your chest, right at a lot of people's eye-height, instead of discretely in your pants.
posted by emjaybee at 6:22 AM on April 13, 2012 [18 favorites]
emjaybee: "discretely in your pants."
It's either in your pants or not.
I'm really sorry, I couldn't help it
posted by notsnot at 6:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [46 favorites]
It's either in your pants or not.
I'm really sorry, I couldn't help it
posted by notsnot at 6:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [46 favorites]
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
Actually having a monstrous porn star penis seems like a lot of trouble. How do you get something like that comfortable in pants? It just seems like such a hassle to get it right. As a representative of the "grower" community, let me tell you, it's an easy, civilized sort of life we're leading.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [13 favorites]
Actually having a monstrous porn star penis seems like a lot of trouble. How do you get something like that comfortable in pants? It just seems like such a hassle to get it right. As a representative of the "grower" community, let me tell you, it's an easy, civilized sort of life we're leading.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [13 favorites]
And here I thought that everybody had a bra phone.
For me, the problem with stowing my gear with the girls is that the architecturally-correct bras I have to wear don't allow room for extras; they do the job they're supposed to do, and adding mass distorts their fit and leaves me with deep red marks on my skin. It's not terribly comfortable.
But I do it. In the last few days of my mother-in-law's life, I did a lot of driving, much of it through small towns with low speed limits. My mind was not always on my speedometer, so I was surprised to see police lights flashing in my rearview. I did explain -- through heaving sobs -- that I was on my way to Hospice, and the officer looked skeptical. I could see him doing the mental tally: crying lady, caught dead-to-rights speeding, low-cut shirt...and then I saw his eyes fall and bug out, just slightly. He let me go with a warning. It wasn't until 15 miles later, at a stoplight on a quiet stretch, that I looked down to see cleavage decorated with a cell phone, a flashlight, and a shiny Leatherman multitool. It's allllll in the gear. Thanks, Freya!
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:26 AM on April 13, 2012 [33 favorites]
For me, the problem with stowing my gear with the girls is that the architecturally-correct bras I have to wear don't allow room for extras; they do the job they're supposed to do, and adding mass distorts their fit and leaves me with deep red marks on my skin. It's not terribly comfortable.
But I do it. In the last few days of my mother-in-law's life, I did a lot of driving, much of it through small towns with low speed limits. My mind was not always on my speedometer, so I was surprised to see police lights flashing in my rearview. I did explain -- through heaving sobs -- that I was on my way to Hospice, and the officer looked skeptical. I could see him doing the mental tally: crying lady, caught dead-to-rights speeding, low-cut shirt...and then I saw his eyes fall and bug out, just slightly. He let me go with a warning. It wasn't until 15 miles later, at a stoplight on a quiet stretch, that I looked down to see cleavage decorated with a cell phone, a flashlight, and a shiny Leatherman multitool. It's allllll in the gear. Thanks, Freya!
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:26 AM on April 13, 2012 [33 favorites]
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
I see what you did there.
posted by swift at 6:26 AM on April 13, 2012
I see what you did there.
posted by swift at 6:26 AM on April 13, 2012
This is great!
And oh the blouses one. Dressing professionally is an every day struggle, I kid you not.
posted by likeatoaster at 6:27 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
And oh the blouses one. Dressing professionally is an every day struggle, I kid you not.
posted by likeatoaster at 6:27 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
Well, a huge penis is only huge some of the time. So there's a pretty big difference.
posted by delmoi at 6:27 AM on April 13, 2012
Well, a huge penis is only huge some of the time. So there's a pretty big difference.
posted by delmoi at 6:27 AM on April 13, 2012
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
Maybe I haven't watched enough porn but I'm pretty sure even the biggest dick doesn't cause back pain.
posted by kmz at 6:27 AM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]
Maybe I haven't watched enough porn but I'm pretty sure even the biggest dick doesn't cause back pain.
posted by kmz at 6:27 AM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]
I'm told that playing softball can be hazardous.
And it would only be the same as "big penis" indubitable, if your penis was in the middle of your chest, right at a lot of people's eye-height, instead of discretely in your pants.
Have you actually met indubitable?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:29 AM on April 13, 2012 [5 favorites]
And it would only be the same as "big penis" indubitable, if your penis was in the middle of your chest, right at a lot of people's eye-height, instead of discretely in your pants.
Have you actually met indubitable?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:29 AM on April 13, 2012 [5 favorites]
Bra shopping, the sales ladies at a particular place don't seem to understand that I would really like some cute options.
What can you get in a 32DD? Black or 'nude'. And they're never on sale, so I buy a 32D at Marshalls and deal with the weird boob crease. But if I were a rich lady! I'd get the fanciest bras I could find in my size.
I was a 30D before I gained 10 mysterious, glorious pounds that seemed to end up all in my boobs.
posted by bilabial at 6:30 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
What can you get in a 32DD? Black or 'nude'. And they're never on sale, so I buy a 32D at Marshalls and deal with the weird boob crease. But if I were a rich lady! I'd get the fanciest bras I could find in my size.
I was a 30D before I gained 10 mysterious, glorious pounds that seemed to end up all in my boobs.
posted by bilabial at 6:30 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
My worst, most humiliating moment as a busty lady came when my son abruptly weaned while we were on vacation in Portugal. He went from nursing four to six times per day to none at all. To say that it took my body a while to catch up is an understatement.
For days, I was miserably engorged. (Not to mention hormonal and weepy and feeling sick - we'll just stick to the parts relevant to my boobs.) I needed to pump. As I stay at home with my son, I'd only had to pump a few times and had never been particularly adept at it. I went to the drugstore and bought a pump. It was a good pump, better than the one I had at home...
... but I couldn't use it. I could not get any suction going. I tried various arrangements of the flange and the shield. I tried taking the shield off. I contorted myself. I went through hours and hours of desperately trying to get the damn thing to attach, but my boobs were simply too big.
So there I was, sitting on my mother in law's couch, topless and crying because I could not for love or money get the milk out of my boobs because they were too freaking big and I didn't have time to order special larger flanges for the pump.
This moment would not have made a particularly funny cartoon panel, but I'm sure there are other busty breastfeeding women who have been there.
posted by sonika at 6:30 AM on April 13, 2012 [16 favorites]
For days, I was miserably engorged. (Not to mention hormonal and weepy and feeling sick - we'll just stick to the parts relevant to my boobs.) I needed to pump. As I stay at home with my son, I'd only had to pump a few times and had never been particularly adept at it. I went to the drugstore and bought a pump. It was a good pump, better than the one I had at home...
... but I couldn't use it. I could not get any suction going. I tried various arrangements of the flange and the shield. I tried taking the shield off. I contorted myself. I went through hours and hours of desperately trying to get the damn thing to attach, but my boobs were simply too big.
So there I was, sitting on my mother in law's couch, topless and crying because I could not for love or money get the milk out of my boobs because they were too freaking big and I didn't have time to order special larger flanges for the pump.
This moment would not have made a particularly funny cartoon panel, but I'm sure there are other busty breastfeeding women who have been there.
posted by sonika at 6:30 AM on April 13, 2012 [16 favorites]
Also: can we please not turn a thread about a lady problem into a thread full of penis jokes. Thanks.
posted by sonika at 6:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [86 favorites]
posted by sonika at 6:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [86 favorites]
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
Not a comic, but there's this old Craigslist rant.
posted by domnit at 6:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
Not a comic, but there's this old Craigslist rant.
posted by domnit at 6:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
The only remotely comparable situation I'm aware of us guys having to deal with is going to West Point in the nineteenth century. Your first day as a cadet, and the base tailor asks you "right or left?" Meaning which pant leg to you prefer your manhood to go down. The pants were that tight, apparently.
posted by postel's law at 6:32 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by postel's law at 6:32 AM on April 13, 2012
God damnit, I just got suckered into one of the classic "but what about guys?" derails. Fuck. Sorry everybody.
posted by kmz at 6:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [12 favorites]
posted by kmz at 6:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [12 favorites]
What can you get in a 32DD? Black or 'nude'.
I feel you. What can you get in a 36G nursing bra? Victorian era bandages it is!
posted by sonika at 6:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
I feel you. What can you get in a 36G nursing bra? Victorian era bandages it is!
posted by sonika at 6:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
When I tell people that all of my bras cost at least $80 they just straight up don't believe me. What do I have to do to convince people that 32G is an actual bra size? Let them squeeze my boobs? Fine! If someone would make stuff that fit me that I wouldn't have to pay utterly outrageous import BS prices for, y'all can feel me up whenever you damn want. *grumpgrumpgrump* ow my back
posted by Mizu at 6:41 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by Mizu at 6:41 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
What do I have to do to convince people that 32G is an actual bra size?
Oh, God. Yup. No store carries my size, which, to my ear, is freakish. I can spend time browsing the racks of the Big Lingerie Company's Outlet Complex, getting ever more depressed and frustrated...or I can go support (at a much higher cost) a small, independent, woman-run lingerie shop where I can get a proper fitting, plus good information about bra construction. Kills me to spend that much on under-wares, but it's good mutual support.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:46 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Oh, God. Yup. No store carries my size, which, to my ear, is freakish. I can spend time browsing the racks of the Big Lingerie Company's Outlet Complex, getting ever more depressed and frustrated...or I can go support (at a much higher cost) a small, independent, woman-run lingerie shop where I can get a proper fitting, plus good information about bra construction. Kills me to spend that much on under-wares, but it's good mutual support.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:46 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I weep for the lack of cute bras. How hard would it be, honestly, to have some fun fabrics at least.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 6:48 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by [insert clever name here] at 6:48 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
Reminds me of an old Playboy cartoon -- that I (*cough*) accidentally stumbled over while reading the magazine for its articles -- of one suchly-structured young lady sporting a university-lettered t-shirt and explaining to her slightly less well-endowed friend, "Tulane? No, my boyfriend goes to Yale, too."
posted by Mike D at 6:49 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Mike D at 6:49 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
What can you get in a 32DD? Black or 'nude'.
Heh; a college friend and I bonded over the fact that we not only had the same name, but we were both at opposite ends of the bra-shop spectrum (she was the big end, I was 32-A) and could NEVER find anything in stores. Sometimes we talked about opening a shop of our own that carried nothing BUT our two sizes; we were going to name it "[name]'s Extremes".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:49 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Heh; a college friend and I bonded over the fact that we not only had the same name, but we were both at opposite ends of the bra-shop spectrum (she was the big end, I was 32-A) and could NEVER find anything in stores. Sometimes we talked about opening a shop of our own that carried nothing BUT our two sizes; we were going to name it "[name]'s Extremes".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:49 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I weep for the lack of cute bras. How hard would it be, honestly, to have some fun fabrics at least.
My wife loves Bravissimo. Unfortunately, they won't be cheap.
posted by Fleebnork at 6:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
My wife loves Bravissimo. Unfortunately, they won't be cheap.
posted by Fleebnork at 6:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
My partner has resorted to importing bras from England to get a good fit with a reasonable selection. (FigLeaves, for those who still looking for a vendor.) And even so, her size changes so dramatically through her cycle that she really does need several different sizes and types of construction. I do wish she'd buy some more, though. Bras like that wear out pretty fast because, well, it's a tough job and even modern fabrics fail eventually.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:52 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:52 AM on April 13, 2012
Stairs! The stair clutch. Oh HELL yes. Sigh.
posted by flex at 6:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by flex at 6:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]
And oh the blouses one. Dressing professionally is an every day struggle, I kid you not.
My daughter is thus afflicted and has been having a very difficult time building a professional wardrobe for her upcoming summer internship. Blouses that stay closed tend to be otherwise tent-like on her, or fugly and fussy as hell.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:56 AM on April 13, 2012
My daughter is thus afflicted and has been having a very difficult time building a professional wardrobe for her upcoming summer internship. Blouses that stay closed tend to be otherwise tent-like on her, or fugly and fussy as hell.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:56 AM on April 13, 2012
Maybe I haven't watched enough porn but I'm pretty sure even the biggest dick doesn't cause back pain.
That depends where you put it, doesn't it?
I've lived with women across the breast-size spectrum, and as far as I can tell bra shopping flat out sucks except for a very narrow band of sizes in the middle. But looking at people on the street, I'd guess that we're talking about millions and millions of women who are out of that middle size category; that seems like an odd market failure.
posted by Forktine at 6:57 AM on April 13, 2012
That depends where you put it, doesn't it?
I've lived with women across the breast-size spectrum, and as far as I can tell bra shopping flat out sucks except for a very narrow band of sizes in the middle. But looking at people on the street, I'd guess that we're talking about millions and millions of women who are out of that middle size category; that seems like an odd market failure.
posted by Forktine at 6:57 AM on April 13, 2012
bilabial: "What can you get in a 32DD? Black or 'nude'. "
As someone with a 54" chest, and a 39 inch ribcage, bras are a nightmare to find. At the risk of being a promoter: Moving Comfort bras have let me get back to the gym, and doing all sorts of things that before I just couldn't do without hurting myself. They go up to a size E.
When I was nursing, lo those many years ago, I discovered Bravado Bras, and even though it's been almost a decade since I've nursed, I still buy a couple of their styles because they're so comfortable for casual bras...around the house, sleeping, etc. They're not nearly as supportive as MC; I wouldn't try to do jumping jacks in one, but for a casual comfy bra, they're unbeatable.
I have never found a comfortable underwire. I still periodically wear them, but I find myself fussing with them all day because they bug me. Nor have I been able to find good corsetry that isn't costume-y. I would kill for a well fitted, washable, practical, gravity denying, boob holding, under the clothes- corset though.
Blouses: I've given up. If I wear anything with buttons, I wear a tank underneath and leave the overshirt unbuttoned to past the trouble spot. Mostly I stick to pullover shirts that are a size too big so they aren't clingy.
posted by dejah420 at 6:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
As someone with a 54" chest, and a 39 inch ribcage, bras are a nightmare to find. At the risk of being a promoter: Moving Comfort bras have let me get back to the gym, and doing all sorts of things that before I just couldn't do without hurting myself. They go up to a size E.
When I was nursing, lo those many years ago, I discovered Bravado Bras, and even though it's been almost a decade since I've nursed, I still buy a couple of their styles because they're so comfortable for casual bras...around the house, sleeping, etc. They're not nearly as supportive as MC; I wouldn't try to do jumping jacks in one, but for a casual comfy bra, they're unbeatable.
I have never found a comfortable underwire. I still periodically wear them, but I find myself fussing with them all day because they bug me. Nor have I been able to find good corsetry that isn't costume-y. I would kill for a well fitted, washable, practical, gravity denying, boob holding, under the clothes- corset though.
Blouses: I've given up. If I wear anything with buttons, I wear a tank underneath and leave the overshirt unbuttoned to past the trouble spot. Mostly I stick to pullover shirts that are a size too big so they aren't clingy.
posted by dejah420 at 6:57 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
And dresses! Yes. I don't know what is with all the higher-waist tops where the part that is supposed to cover your chest is so skimpy and off-proportion, but it is really hard to find a flattering higher-waisted top that accommodates the chest. Or cute sundresses, which are depressingly often cut way too low in the back, or the straps too skinny to cover bra straps, in addition to the skimpy chest coverage. I can't be the only one struggling with this!
Let's not even get into the ridiculousness of the same issues with MATERNITY wear - if there's one time in your life you need that industrial bra, it's going to be that time, so why on earth would you cut maternity tops in such a way that they don't cover bra straps?!
posted by flex at 7:01 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
Let's not even get into the ridiculousness of the same issues with MATERNITY wear - if there's one time in your life you need that industrial bra, it's going to be that time, so why on earth would you cut maternity tops in such a way that they don't cover bra straps?!
posted by flex at 7:01 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
I've also been known to stash an ipod in my cleavage (my phone is a tougher fit - I usually pop it to the side.) It makes me paranoid that someone will notice that my earbuds are coming up from under my shirt.
Oh, and blouses! I don't even own any button-up shirts anymore, except the ones I wear as (open) jackets. I had one case where I volunteered at a convention booth and was presented with a (men's cut, even) button-up shirt with the company logo. I tried the largest size they had, thought for a bit, and then fetched a color-matching camisole from my room and just wore the stupid thing unbuttoned. Let them think I was showing off cleavage - better than showing off my bra through the gaps in the buttons. (Honestly, it made me wonder if they'd ever had a woman staff their booth before.)
posted by Karmakaze at 7:02 AM on April 13, 2012
Oh, and blouses! I don't even own any button-up shirts anymore, except the ones I wear as (open) jackets. I had one case where I volunteered at a convention booth and was presented with a (men's cut, even) button-up shirt with the company logo. I tried the largest size they had, thought for a bit, and then fetched a color-matching camisole from my room and just wore the stupid thing unbuttoned. Let them think I was showing off cleavage - better than showing off my bra through the gaps in the buttons. (Honestly, it made me wonder if they'd ever had a woman staff their booth before.)
posted by Karmakaze at 7:02 AM on April 13, 2012
Bilabial nailed it. Finding bras in 32DD is a bloody nightmare. They're bland and are rarely less than $50 each.
Dress shopping sucks because I'll try on one size and it's too tight on top, too loose at the bottom. Going one size up gives the reverse effect. No Herve Leger for me.
I've given up on button down shirts....
posted by Anima Mundi at 7:05 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Dress shopping sucks because I'll try on one size and it's too tight on top, too loose at the bottom. Going one size up gives the reverse effect. No Herve Leger for me.
I've given up on button down shirts....
posted by Anima Mundi at 7:05 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Haha, I so sympathize with the sleeping problems one. I'm in my late twenties and still go to sleep hugging stuffed animals--because they make a supportive buffer between boobs + arms to minimize squashing. Otherwise sleeping on my side is really awkward, with nowhere to put my arms; I end up with my arms stretched above my head or something.
Pillows or body pillows work in a pinch, but they're usually not firm enough. (Who else values stuffed animals for their size + density?)
Anyhoo, don't judge me for my Stitch doll, society, he's a medical prosthesis! (and so
cuddly-wuddly)
posted by nicebookrack at 7:09 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
Pillows or body pillows work in a pinch, but they're usually not firm enough. (Who else values stuffed animals for their size + density?)
Anyhoo, don't judge me for my Stitch doll, society, he's a medical prosthesis! (and so
cuddly-wuddly)
posted by nicebookrack at 7:09 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
Also, I hate the way this FPP is phrased. "For those who wonder what possible downsides there could be to having big boobs"? If there weren't enough daily reminders that my boobs should probably be bigger, now I have this mediocre webcomic to refer to.
posted by 200burritos at 7:10 AM on April 13, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by 200burritos at 7:10 AM on April 13, 2012 [7 favorites]
I once had trouble remembering the lyrics to a song I was performing, so I ran out to the car and got my mp3 player to listen to my practice track. Reminded myself of the lyrics, then got the call to go onstage
2 of my babies were bottle-fed. I used to keep an 8-ounce bottle of formula in my bra, between my breasts, when we were out somewhere. When the baby got hungry, I would pull it out and have a nice bottle at perfect body temperature. People would laugh. Sometimes the nipple of the bottle would peek out if I was wearing a v-neck, but when you have a small baby, you also tend to have no shame.
I like the one about t-shirt designs not working. When I was in high school, my friends nicknamed me "Dock" because I had a black t-shirt that said, "Rock!" on it, but the way the letters were drawn, you couldn't see the bottom half of the R because of the curve of my breasts.
posted by not that girl at 7:11 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
2 of my babies were bottle-fed. I used to keep an 8-ounce bottle of formula in my bra, between my breasts, when we were out somewhere. When the baby got hungry, I would pull it out and have a nice bottle at perfect body temperature. People would laugh. Sometimes the nipple of the bottle would peek out if I was wearing a v-neck, but when you have a small baby, you also tend to have no shame.
I like the one about t-shirt designs not working. When I was in high school, my friends nicknamed me "Dock" because I had a black t-shirt that said, "Rock!" on it, but the way the letters were drawn, you couldn't see the bottom half of the R because of the curve of my breasts.
posted by not that girl at 7:11 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
I'm tempted to draw a series of cartoons about the perils of having skintags in your armpits.
Don't ask.
posted by Edison Carter at 7:11 AM on April 13, 2012 [10 favorites]
Don't ask.
posted by Edison Carter at 7:11 AM on April 13, 2012 [10 favorites]
Bravissimo isn't all that good quality, unfortunately. In my experience, their bras wear out within a few months. Their tops are generally decent quality, though.
Also: I cannot begin to count how many times people have been surprised that I have a brain despite my bust size. My time in academia wasn't always fun and I took to wearing oversized, bland clothes - a habit I am still trying to shake.
posted by kariebookish at 7:13 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also: I cannot begin to count how many times people have been surprised that I have a brain despite my bust size. My time in academia wasn't always fun and I took to wearing oversized, bland clothes - a habit I am still trying to shake.
posted by kariebookish at 7:13 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also, I hate the way this FPP is phrased. "For those who wonder what possible downsides there could be to having big boobs"? If there weren't enough daily reminders that my boobs should probably be bigger, now I have this mediocre webcomic to refer to.
posted by 200burritos at 10:10 AM on April 13 [+] [!]
200burritos, no! Join me in being a proud, perky member of the IBTC!
posted by pecanpies at 7:15 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by 200burritos at 10:10 AM on April 13 [+] [!]
200burritos, no! Join me in being a proud, perky member of the IBTC!
posted by pecanpies at 7:15 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
As a kid in a family that was starting a business and running a household on strong back-to-the-land principles, I got a lot of hand-me-downs. Sadly, since most of my elder relatives were girls, and most of those girls were bosomy sorts of people, I got a lot of hand-me-down shirts with curiously flaccid fronts, as if they'd spent a bit too much time on the hat-stretcher down at the milliner's shop. My favorite was the wide-eyed saggy cartoon tiger raglan-sleeved t-shirt where the red parts had all faded to a neat sort of pink. I loved the shirt with all the ferocity of being ten, but my father would be reduced to tears laughing every time I wore it, because what was once a proud snarling tiger had been distorted into a feline version of Droopy by a couple years of braless early teen tit contortion.
"Son, doesn't that tiger look a bit...I dunno—like he needs to be filled out?"
"No, he looks fierce."
"Fierce, you say?"
"Well, yeah. Why?"
"Just stop it, Cleve," my mother interjected. "It's a perfectly good shirt."
"If you say so, hon."
Mind you, I have a tit thing, which is odd, as I'm not just frustratingly close to a six on the Kinsey Scale for someone who aspires to a bohemian sort of omnisexuality despite the fact that being neither a drinker nor the child of fundamentalists means that I never even really had that awkward age of trying to be straight, beyond going on what seems like two dates with girls and calling my co-criminal Lurleen my girlfriend as a way of getting people to make fun of me for other, more substantial reasons. I'm completely oriented towards the hairier wing of humanity, except, man, did you see the tits on that lady? I mean, how does she drive a car with those things? I kind of wanted to see if I could throw a Raisnet into that embrasure. Do you have any Raisinets, even?
"Joe, you're doing it again."
"What."
"You know what."
"I can't help it! I wonder what that's all about? I mean—I was breast-fed and all, but other than that, I've got no earthly use for the things. Besides, it's your fault. You ought to tape those down like a drag king."
"There's not enough tape in Baltimore."
"Yeah, that may be true. But you could square 'em off. Minecraft boobs!"
"You really need to ease off on the coffee, Joe."
"Yeah, I do."
At the same time, like elegant cigarette smoking, tits are something I'm glad are someone else's problem despite the entertainment value they have for me, because they look like all the back pain and bedtime complication of a beer belly with the added complexity of being able to roll off in separate directions or get stuck together with sweat. Youch.
Of course, we're all better off than we were in the plastic fantastic sixties, where they would have been forcing those jugs into nosecones, or in the stylish age of strappy binding horrors (Part 2 of 2 here), but until we get over the whole notion that there's such a thing as an ideal body type, it's going to be a pain to suspend one's assets in the manner they deserve.
Mind you, it took centuries of badly fitting pants before anyone thought to give a little extra space to men with a bit more stock in the fertility department, so it's not entirely women who get frustrated looking for affordable, durable clothes that fit properly.
posted by sonascope at 7:16 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
"Son, doesn't that tiger look a bit...I dunno—like he needs to be filled out?"
"No, he looks fierce."
"Fierce, you say?"
"Well, yeah. Why?"
"Just stop it, Cleve," my mother interjected. "It's a perfectly good shirt."
"If you say so, hon."
Mind you, I have a tit thing, which is odd, as I'm not just frustratingly close to a six on the Kinsey Scale for someone who aspires to a bohemian sort of omnisexuality despite the fact that being neither a drinker nor the child of fundamentalists means that I never even really had that awkward age of trying to be straight, beyond going on what seems like two dates with girls and calling my co-criminal Lurleen my girlfriend as a way of getting people to make fun of me for other, more substantial reasons. I'm completely oriented towards the hairier wing of humanity, except, man, did you see the tits on that lady? I mean, how does she drive a car with those things? I kind of wanted to see if I could throw a Raisnet into that embrasure. Do you have any Raisinets, even?
"Joe, you're doing it again."
"What."
"You know what."
"I can't help it! I wonder what that's all about? I mean—I was breast-fed and all, but other than that, I've got no earthly use for the things. Besides, it's your fault. You ought to tape those down like a drag king."
"There's not enough tape in Baltimore."
"Yeah, that may be true. But you could square 'em off. Minecraft boobs!"
"You really need to ease off on the coffee, Joe."
"Yeah, I do."
At the same time, like elegant cigarette smoking, tits are something I'm glad are someone else's problem despite the entertainment value they have for me, because they look like all the back pain and bedtime complication of a beer belly with the added complexity of being able to roll off in separate directions or get stuck together with sweat. Youch.
Of course, we're all better off than we were in the plastic fantastic sixties, where they would have been forcing those jugs into nosecones, or in the stylish age of strappy binding horrors (Part 2 of 2 here), but until we get over the whole notion that there's such a thing as an ideal body type, it's going to be a pain to suspend one's assets in the manner they deserve.
Mind you, it took centuries of badly fitting pants before anyone thought to give a little extra space to men with a bit more stock in the fertility department, so it's not entirely women who get frustrated looking for affordable, durable clothes that fit properly.
posted by sonascope at 7:16 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
Classic Spy magazine article Busty Like Me
posted by shothotbot at 7:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by shothotbot at 7:18 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Also, I hate the way this FPP is phrased. "For those who wonder what possible downsides there could be to having big boobs"? If there weren't enough daily reminders that my boobs should probably be bigger, now I have this mediocre webcomic to refer to.
posted by 200burritos at 10:10 AM on April 13 [+] [!]
200burritos, no! Join me in being a proud, perky member of the IBTC!
posted by pecanpies at 7:15 AM on April 13 [+] [!]
pecanpies, I feel like I've misled you. I wish I could join the IBTC, but I think that my 32D bra size excludes me from it. Maybe I should form a chapter of the MTC. I'm taking ideas for names, because Medium Titty Committee doesn't really have a nice ring to it.
posted by 200burritos at 7:24 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by 200burritos at 10:10 AM on April 13 [+] [!]
200burritos, no! Join me in being a proud, perky member of the IBTC!
posted by pecanpies at 7:15 AM on April 13 [+] [!]
pecanpies, I feel like I've misled you. I wish I could join the IBTC, but I think that my 32D bra size excludes me from it. Maybe I should form a chapter of the MTC. I'm taking ideas for names, because Medium Titty Committee doesn't really have a nice ring to it.
posted by 200burritos at 7:24 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Ladies in the F-G range, I highly recommend the Anita nursing bras. They're a little bit Iron Curtain looking, for sure (in Soviet Union, bra nurses you! Ah, ha ha) but they do keep the bosom front and center without creating plugged ducts or creating discomfort.
I've also had good luck finding 34-6 DD+ bras at the aptly named Nordstrom Rack -- Chantelle and Natori for <$30.
And, yes, eponysterical.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
I've also had good luck finding 34-6 DD+ bras at the aptly named Nordstrom Rack -- Chantelle and Natori for <$30.
And, yes, eponysterical.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
Whoever drew these pictures needs to look at more comic books. These women don't look right.
posted by bpm140 at 7:26 AM on April 13, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by bpm140 at 7:26 AM on April 13, 2012 [7 favorites]
Bonus points for a post about boobs that includes the word "perks."
posted by VicNebulous at 7:28 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by VicNebulous at 7:28 AM on April 13, 2012
It seems that at least the clothing and undergarment issues could be solved if someone took the time to make women's clothing that fit actual women. I'm sure there are some here and there but the majority seems to be sized for women who exist only in theory.
posted by tommasz at 7:34 AM on April 13, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 7:34 AM on April 13, 2012 [7 favorites]
200burritos, no! Join me in being a proud, perky member of the IBTC!
I used to be a proud, perky member of the IBTC. Then pregnancy and nursing added three cup sizes and I suddenly had these monstrous things on my chest that kept bumping in to things. Now I'm back on the IBTC but perky is no longer part of the equation. From personal experience on both ends of the spectrum, I can tell you, blouses and dresses don't fit any better on an A cup than on a DD.
posted by Dojie at 7:34 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I used to be a proud, perky member of the IBTC. Then pregnancy and nursing added three cup sizes and I suddenly had these monstrous things on my chest that kept bumping in to things. Now I'm back on the IBTC but perky is no longer part of the equation. From personal experience on both ends of the spectrum, I can tell you, blouses and dresses don't fit any better on an A cup than on a DD.
posted by Dojie at 7:34 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
It seems that at least the clothing and undergarment issues could be solved if someone took the time to make women's clothing that fit actual women.
It was ever thus. :-/
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:35 AM on April 13, 2012 [7 favorites]
It was ever thus. :-/
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:35 AM on April 13, 2012 [7 favorites]
Seriously, stop spying on my life!
I just threw out a bra yesterday because despite being the right size, it seemed to be made for someone with an Amazon's torso and my breasts were being shoved into my armpits all day. That was one of the bras I'd found on clearance and thanked my lucky stars to see a 36F in the sale bin. Grumble grumble.
I bought a shirt online, checking to make sure the bust measurement matched, that arrived yesterday. It's a tent. I don't know whether to send it back or just hang on to it in case I ever need maternity clothes. I've completely given up on button-down tops and anything empire-waisted.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 7:37 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I just threw out a bra yesterday because despite being the right size, it seemed to be made for someone with an Amazon's torso and my breasts were being shoved into my armpits all day. That was one of the bras I'd found on clearance and thanked my lucky stars to see a 36F in the sale bin. Grumble grumble.
I bought a shirt online, checking to make sure the bust measurement matched, that arrived yesterday. It's a tent. I don't know whether to send it back or just hang on to it in case I ever need maternity clothes. I've completely given up on button-down tops and anything empire-waisted.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 7:37 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
One of my exes was well endowed. One night, she and I were out at a bar with friends and she and I got into a serious discussion/fight about who the hell knows what.
At some point, I reached out and gently lifted her bosom and she fell over backwards, landing on her ass. I guess you had to be there, but there was much hilarity. The look on her face was priceless.
She and I are still close friends, even though we split up a long time ago. She still gives me shit about tipping her over like that. She gave the best hugs, too.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:37 AM on April 13, 2012
Conversation this weekend as I was drilling holes for fittings in our cramped (and concrete walled) shower cubicle:
me: Am I straight?
him: Nope, right hand up a bit
me: Now?
him: Nope, the drill is angled upward, right hand up a bit more
me: Hows this?
him: Still need to go up
me: @*&$!
him: Up!
me: *fume*
him: More, go on
me: I cant...
him: Up...
me: ....because boobs!
So from now on any derision of DIY standards in our house will likely be met with "Yeah, because you know, boobs".
posted by Ness at 7:40 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
me: Am I straight?
him: Nope, right hand up a bit
me: Now?
him: Nope, the drill is angled upward, right hand up a bit more
me: Hows this?
him: Still need to go up
me: @*&$!
him: Up!
me: *fume*
him: More, go on
me: I cant...
him: Up...
me: ....because boobs!
So from now on any derision of DIY standards in our house will likely be met with "Yeah, because you know, boobs".
posted by Ness at 7:40 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
If this meant that your underwear cost you 3x more, that nothing would fit you because pants are all cut for an actually-these-days below-average penis (all ladies clothing = cut to a B-cup, regardless of size) and anything that did looked obscene or dowdy, and that people openly stare at your crotch when you're minding your own business buying some bread, then, yeah, that joke would work.
posted by mippy at 7:40 AM on April 13, 2012 [37 favorites]
At some point, I reached out and gently lifted her bosom and she fell over backwards, landing on her ass. I guess you had to be there, but there was much hilarity. The look on her face was priceless.
....was that look "humiliation"?
I guess I did have to be there, because this sounds mortifying.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 7:44 AM on April 13, 2012 [46 favorites]
....was that look "humiliation"?
I guess I did have to be there, because this sounds mortifying.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 7:44 AM on April 13, 2012 [46 favorites]
And oh the blouses one. Dressing professionally is an every day struggle, I kid you not.
Oh, my god am I lucky that I work in a casual office. Aside from hating both ironing and polyester, I have only ever found two shirts that button up properly, and even then it's a choice between looking like a porn-star secretary or about three stone heavier than I am.
For those of you with big cup/small back - BraStop has a lot of these in. Not sure if they ship outwith the UK, but as they're an outlet retailer the less average sizes are usually well-stocked. I'm a 34GG which sounds like a FREAK SIZE on occasion to me.
posted by mippy at 7:46 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh, my god am I lucky that I work in a casual office. Aside from hating both ironing and polyester, I have only ever found two shirts that button up properly, and even then it's a choice between looking like a porn-star secretary or about three stone heavier than I am.
For those of you with big cup/small back - BraStop has a lot of these in. Not sure if they ship outwith the UK, but as they're an outlet retailer the less average sizes are usually well-stocked. I'm a 34GG which sounds like a FREAK SIZE on occasion to me.
posted by mippy at 7:46 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I personally think it would be wildly hilarious if guys could randomly be cursed with dicks comprising the same percentage of their body weight as a 5 foot tall 130lb woman's 32G boobs do. They'd need some kind of wheely waist level walker or something. Or an architecturally improbable series of cables and underspans.
posted by elizardbits at 7:47 AM on April 13, 2012 [13 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 7:47 AM on April 13, 2012 [13 favorites]
Oh. You know what#s worse than an empire line? Those sewn-in cup seams. The ones that your breasts are supposed to be coquettishly encased by, at least, if you are B-cup and under. They render about 90% of summer tops unwearable for me.
posted by mippy at 7:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [10 favorites]
posted by mippy at 7:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [10 favorites]
elizardbits - reminds me of the Miranda Hart joke where she got bored, weighed her breasts on a postage scale, and realised they were so heavy they had to go by Parcelforce.
posted by mippy at 7:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by mippy at 7:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
There's no reason the busty contingent should be denied the joys of the blouse: buy one that fits in the chest area and have it tailored. It's so quick, so easy, so cheap, and men do it all the time.
posted by Dragonness at 7:52 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Dragonness at 7:52 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Cute bras are overrated. I'm a B cup, and I very rarely find bras I like. They're mostly extremely low quality, and most B-cup bras in stores these days are padded to the hilt. I like a thin layer of padding for modesty, but I'm not looking for a push-up bra!
posted by mantecol at 7:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by mantecol at 7:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I personally think it would be wildly hilarious if guys could randomly be cursed with dicks comprising the same percentage of their body weight as a 5 foot tall 130lb woman's 32G boobs do. They'd need some kind of wheely waist level walker or something. Or an architecturally improbable series of cables and underspans.
It's been known to happen. scroll down, nsfw
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's been known to happen. scroll down, nsfw
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:53 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Sorry, I'm in danger of monopolising the thread here, but I just want to talk about women's mag articles on bras. I read them rarely, but occasionally they'll do an article about 'Bras for every size!' which turn out to be ranges that stop at a DD, and this DD is talked about as though it is the largest breast size EVA. (This is probably why tons of British women squeeze themselves into a 38DD before they go to Bravissimo and realise they're actually a 32F or something.) It might be asking a lot for an industry that chooses a slender shape to show you how nice clothes are purely because they hang better without curves getting in the way, but it's as though people don't know anything comes bigger than a DD. I kind of get how plus-sized women feel when it comes to fashion because nobody seems to write about these things in the mainstream media, you have to go to blogs to find out what ranges are good or where to go shopping, just like all the fatshionista blogs out there.
posted by mippy at 7:56 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by mippy at 7:56 AM on April 13, 2012
....was that look "humiliation"?
I guess I did have to be there, because this sounds mortifying.
No. She was one of the more Kick-Ass women I've ever met. If she was humiliated, she would have kicked my ass.
She was amused. It was an unexpected result and she thought it was hilarious.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:57 AM on April 13, 2012
I guess I did have to be there, because this sounds mortifying.
No. She was one of the more Kick-Ass women I've ever met. If she was humiliated, she would have kicked my ass.
She was amused. It was an unexpected result and she thought it was hilarious.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:57 AM on April 13, 2012
Not to make this into a debate over whose lot is shittier, but there are almost twice as many Google Image hits for "32G bra" as for for "40A bra," and the results are PRETTIER.
posted by drlith at 8:03 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by drlith at 8:03 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I've always had micro-mini boobs (and my fair share of hangups about them.) I always think having big boobs would be cool because:
1. I would match the media's image of an adult/sexually attractive woman, and wouldn't feel like an imposter or an overgrown schoolgirl.
2. I would be able to display some cleavage (impossible for me atm) as a quick way to get a man's attention if that's what I wanted.
3. I would not struggle with buying bras that are too big in the cup size, but too small across the back.
4. I would not have the ethical dilemma of whether or not to engage in "false advertising" by wearing push up bras.
5. I would not need to stay so slim because extra pounds would go on my boobs (instead of everwhere else...) and therefore I would still look ok.
That said I think this is a cool thread and I thought the cartoons were funny :-)
posted by EatMyHat at 8:06 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
1. I would match the media's image of an adult/sexually attractive woman, and wouldn't feel like an imposter or an overgrown schoolgirl.
2. I would be able to display some cleavage (impossible for me atm) as a quick way to get a man's attention if that's what I wanted.
3. I would not struggle with buying bras that are too big in the cup size, but too small across the back.
4. I would not have the ethical dilemma of whether or not to engage in "false advertising" by wearing push up bras.
5. I would not need to stay so slim because extra pounds would go on my boobs (instead of everwhere else...) and therefore I would still look ok.
That said I think this is a cool thread and I thought the cartoons were funny :-)
posted by EatMyHat at 8:06 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
And I know a local store that has a ton of attractive 32-DD or higher band-cup ratio bras, but yeah, it will be between $70 and $150 per bra. They are good bras and they last well, but a far cry from the $20-30 bras you see elsewhere.
I lucked out - I did find some nice $20 34-DD bras at another, more mainstream, store. But nothing bigger than DD, and that was only in one line; the rest maxed out at D.
posted by jb at 8:07 AM on April 13, 2012
I lucked out - I did find some nice $20 34-DD bras at another, more mainstream, store. But nothing bigger than DD, and that was only in one line; the rest maxed out at D.
posted by jb at 8:07 AM on April 13, 2012
You know what's really funny and sad and funny again? When you try to be goofy and put your bra cup on your head... and it's LOOSE.
I am sitting here in my bra with the fist-sized hole in the back (one of them...) because even though it wasn't even the right size when I bought it, it's still more comfortable than anything else I own. I have four legitimately stylish 38H bras ($70 apiece, took two months for a special order) that kill me because the underwire goes up into my armpit and leaves a mark -- "but you need that support!" says the woman at the specialty shop where I have to go. They also have seams, which do give me good shape, but show through my knit tops.
Ah, my knit tops. And they're ALL knit tops. In fact, they're all cheap-ass polos and t-shirts from the men's section at Old Navy, because I go through them really, really quickly. Looking through my closet this morning, I had at least nine shirts with permanent stains or oil marks on the top front.
Have I mentioned that I'm thinking about kids? And then I'm thinking, "FUCK, these boobs are going to be huge." I've been preapproved for breast reduction twice, but now that I'm so close to possible kid-having, it'd either be useless to do it beforehand (they'd just grow back) or I'd have to wait for a good five years or so until I'm done with the major changes, by which point they'll be near my knees.
On the bright side, if you use an electric toothbrush, the boobs make it really easy to brush your teeth and hair at the same time.
posted by Madamina at 8:13 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am sitting here in my bra with the fist-sized hole in the back (one of them...) because even though it wasn't even the right size when I bought it, it's still more comfortable than anything else I own. I have four legitimately stylish 38H bras ($70 apiece, took two months for a special order) that kill me because the underwire goes up into my armpit and leaves a mark -- "but you need that support!" says the woman at the specialty shop where I have to go. They also have seams, which do give me good shape, but show through my knit tops.
Ah, my knit tops. And they're ALL knit tops. In fact, they're all cheap-ass polos and t-shirts from the men's section at Old Navy, because I go through them really, really quickly. Looking through my closet this morning, I had at least nine shirts with permanent stains or oil marks on the top front.
Have I mentioned that I'm thinking about kids? And then I'm thinking, "FUCK, these boobs are going to be huge." I've been preapproved for breast reduction twice, but now that I'm so close to possible kid-having, it'd either be useless to do it beforehand (they'd just grow back) or I'd have to wait for a good five years or so until I'm done with the major changes, by which point they'll be near my knees.
On the bright side, if you use an electric toothbrush, the boobs make it really easy to brush your teeth and hair at the same time.
posted by Madamina at 8:13 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
EatMyHat - I have size UK9 feet, my friend has UK3. I think it would be nice to be able to buy trainers that were'nt made for men, she struggles sometimes to get shoes that aren't made for children. I wonder who decided what 'average' was.
posted by mippy at 8:17 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by mippy at 8:17 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I found out last week that one of our local sewing shops teaches a class on bra making. I am really considering it, because no local stores carry my size, and mail order is so unreliable for fit. The class is expensive, but honestly not too much more than the price of two bras, which is how many you make in the class.
posted by annsunny at 8:20 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by annsunny at 8:20 AM on April 13, 2012
Another problem for the larger chested lady is the ophthalmic slit-lamp microscope", the device being used in the first picture down the page.
If you haven't had the pleasure (of the microscope, not the larger chested lady), it's a movable platform the size of a large tea-tray, on which is pole-mounted a variety of strange optics designed to pry into your eyeball and cause a variety of well-lit discomforts. You have to rest your chin on a chin rest (d'oh) and press your forehead against a buffer, to align your optics with theirs.
The design assumes that the front of your chest is pretty well in line with the tip of your nose. If you have the bad taste to conform to a different geometry, it ends up in medieval torture territory with a large metal slab pressed as hard as you can cope with into your front while you extend your neck as far forward as you can - with the added pleasure of having to keep your face exactly vertical.
My consultant is of the opinion that this is due to the original designers of the machinery being Teutonic and thus expecting or enforcing conformity among their patients. It was during the subsequent discussion that she said it causes problems for the bigger-boobed woman as well as for - here, she sighed - chunkier man.
I'll save the post on man boobs for another day.
posted by Devonian at 8:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [5 favorites]
If you haven't had the pleasure (of the microscope, not the larger chested lady), it's a movable platform the size of a large tea-tray, on which is pole-mounted a variety of strange optics designed to pry into your eyeball and cause a variety of well-lit discomforts. You have to rest your chin on a chin rest (d'oh) and press your forehead against a buffer, to align your optics with theirs.
The design assumes that the front of your chest is pretty well in line with the tip of your nose. If you have the bad taste to conform to a different geometry, it ends up in medieval torture territory with a large metal slab pressed as hard as you can cope with into your front while you extend your neck as far forward as you can - with the added pleasure of having to keep your face exactly vertical.
My consultant is of the opinion that this is due to the original designers of the machinery being Teutonic and thus expecting or enforcing conformity among their patients. It was during the subsequent discussion that she said it causes problems for the bigger-boobed woman as well as for - here, she sighed - chunkier man.
I'll save the post on man boobs for another day.
posted by Devonian at 8:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [5 favorites]
Edison Carter: "I'm tempted to draw a series of cartoons about the perils of having skintags in your armpits.
Don't ask."
I won't, but I am SOOOO onboard with that project.
Also, don't ask.
posted by Samizdata at 8:25 AM on April 13, 2012
Don't ask."
I won't, but I am SOOOO onboard with that project.
Also, don't ask.
posted by Samizdata at 8:25 AM on April 13, 2012
They'd need some kind of wheely waist level walker or something.
All I know is that I'd finally have a place to hang the washcloth when I'm showering.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:26 AM on April 13, 2012
All I know is that I'd finally have a place to hang the washcloth when I'm showering.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 8:26 AM on April 13, 2012
Fig Leaves has already been mentioned here - but I'll repeat it. It's good for ordering in the US and the UK (now in Canada?). I haven't used the UK service, but the US service is very good. They have bras starting around $50 rather than $100 (on sale, bras for $20-30, even in larger sizes), and they have a free returns policy. I ordered about 6 bras, had one fit right and returned the rest with no questions asked and a full refund.
posted by jb at 8:26 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by jb at 8:26 AM on April 13, 2012
if you use an electric toothbrush, the boobs make it really easy to brush your teeth and hair at the same time.
....Forgive me, but I'm having a hard time coming up with the necessary mental image to unify bustline/electric toothbrush/hairbrush. Help?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:27 AM on April 13, 2012
....Forgive me, but I'm having a hard time coming up with the necessary mental image to unify bustline/electric toothbrush/hairbrush. Help?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:27 AM on April 13, 2012
Yeah, and seriously, when you do find that one bra that finally fits right and is comfortable, by god you should go out and buy every last one you can find and hoard those fuckers.
posted by elizardbits at 8:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 8:31 AM on April 13, 2012 [11 favorites]
If it's any kind of comfort, I'm a boringly average 34C and still have problems with button-downs gapping and pulling. I've had better luck with ones advertised as "tunics" (but are just slightly longer button-downs). I have no idea why button-down shirts are cut so scantily in the bust area. Meanwhile, you can have my Eileen Fisher silk knit shells when you pry them off my cold, dead chest.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:34 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:34 AM on April 13, 2012
elizardbits: that's why I'm wearing this threadbare one! Way back in... god, it might have been 2005... Lane Bryant.com had a computer error during a sale and let it stand. People on fatshionista were like, "GET OVER THERE AND GO!" I soon received two boxes, each slightly smaller than an air conditioner, in which resided eight bras I had purchased for the grand total of 18 bucks.
posted by Madamina at 8:35 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by Madamina at 8:35 AM on April 13, 2012
EmpressCallipygos: "but I'm having a hard time coming up with the necessary mental image to unify bustline/electric toothbrush/hairbrush. Help?"
You stick the bottom of the electric toothbrush in your cleavage so it's sticking up vertically & run your teeth across the bristly end whilst brushing your hair?
posted by pharm at 8:37 AM on April 13, 2012
You stick the bottom of the electric toothbrush in your cleavage so it's sticking up vertically & run your teeth across the bristly end whilst brushing your hair?
posted by pharm at 8:37 AM on April 13, 2012
I'm in my late twenties and still go to sleep hugging stuffed animals--because they make a supportive buffer between boobs + arms to minimize squashing.
I am not quite out of the upper end of the average range but I suspect my urge to cuddle a pillow at night is directly related to this point.
Another problem for the larger chested lady is the ophthalmic slit-lamp microscope
Oh my goodness, I thought I was the only person who hated those.
I need to replace all my bras and I'll definitely be checking out all the recommendations here.
posted by immlass at 8:37 AM on April 13, 2012
I am not quite out of the upper end of the average range but I suspect my urge to cuddle a pillow at night is directly related to this point.
Another problem for the larger chested lady is the ophthalmic slit-lamp microscope
Oh my goodness, I thought I was the only person who hated those.
I need to replace all my bras and I'll definitely be checking out all the recommendations here.
posted by immlass at 8:37 AM on April 13, 2012
The is something wrong with my body fat distribution, I have a relatively small chest but loads of extra in my upper arms. I feel the oddly fitting shirts...just in a slightly different way.
But I have a bunch of busty friends and the bra size/availability/price thing is baffling. It's not a new problem, either. Some company is going to swoop in with adorable, well-structured bras for a reasonable price and make an absolute KILLING. Eventually. I hope.
posted by troika at 8:41 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
But I have a bunch of busty friends and the bra size/availability/price thing is baffling. It's not a new problem, either. Some company is going to swoop in with adorable, well-structured bras for a reasonable price and make an absolute KILLING. Eventually. I hope.
posted by troika at 8:41 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
EmpressCallipygos: "but I'm having a hard time coming up with the necessary mental image to unify bustline/electric toothbrush/hairbrush. Help?"
I am going to live to regret this, but here you go. (Pretend the scissors are a hairbrush and my office toothbrush is electric.)
Curse you, dancestoblue.
posted by Madamina at 8:44 AM on April 13, 2012 [28 favorites]
I am going to live to regret this, but here you go. (Pretend the scissors are a hairbrush and my office toothbrush is electric.)
Curse you, dancestoblue.
posted by Madamina at 8:44 AM on April 13, 2012 [28 favorites]
Or cute sundresses, which are depressingly often cut way too low in the back, or the straps too skinny to cover bra straps, in addition to the skimpy chest coverage. I can't be the only one struggling with this!
I just wear a tank top underneath in either white or a color that matches the dress because I like dresses and I've given up trying to find one that my boobs actually fit into. I only wear dresses/skirts - never pants - and have also found that belting my top at my actual waist helps avoiding look like I'm wearing a tent and avoiding looking like I'm 4mos pregnant.
(The latter problem being not caused by my boobs, but by generalized muffin-top syndrome.)
Ladies in the F-G range, I highly recommend the Anita nursing bras.
Seconded. The Anita were what I wore for the entire 10mo. of my breastfeeding career. Out of the house, that is. In the house, a pile of "XXL" sports bras from Target just to keep the girls contained did the trick.
Have I mentioned that I'm thinking about kids? And then I'm thinking, "FUCK, these boobs are going to be huge." I've been preapproved for breast reduction twice, but now that I'm so close to possible kid-having, it'd either be useless to do it beforehand (they'd just grow back) or I'd have to wait for a good five years or so until I'm done with the major changes, by which point they'll be near my knees.
Oh, I know of which you speak. I was an E pre-pregnancy and now am hovering in the G-H range. My boobs have shrunk a *little* now that my son has weaned, but they're still bigger than they were before I got knocked up. I'm going to have at least one more kiddo eventually and I'm biding my time until I'm totally done breastfeeding to get a reduction, at which point it'll be the better option as I'm sure I'll need a wheelbarrow instead of a bra.
posted by sonika at 8:46 AM on April 13, 2012
I just wear a tank top underneath in either white or a color that matches the dress because I like dresses and I've given up trying to find one that my boobs actually fit into. I only wear dresses/skirts - never pants - and have also found that belting my top at my actual waist helps avoiding look like I'm wearing a tent and avoiding looking like I'm 4mos pregnant.
(The latter problem being not caused by my boobs, but by generalized muffin-top syndrome.)
Ladies in the F-G range, I highly recommend the Anita nursing bras.
Seconded. The Anita were what I wore for the entire 10mo. of my breastfeeding career. Out of the house, that is. In the house, a pile of "XXL" sports bras from Target just to keep the girls contained did the trick.
Have I mentioned that I'm thinking about kids? And then I'm thinking, "FUCK, these boobs are going to be huge." I've been preapproved for breast reduction twice, but now that I'm so close to possible kid-having, it'd either be useless to do it beforehand (they'd just grow back) or I'd have to wait for a good five years or so until I'm done with the major changes, by which point they'll be near my knees.
Oh, I know of which you speak. I was an E pre-pregnancy and now am hovering in the G-H range. My boobs have shrunk a *little* now that my son has weaned, but they're still bigger than they were before I got knocked up. I'm going to have at least one more kiddo eventually and I'm biding my time until I'm totally done breastfeeding to get a reduction, at which point it'll be the better option as I'm sure I'll need a wheelbarrow instead of a bra.
posted by sonika at 8:46 AM on April 13, 2012
I won't, but I am SOOOO onboard with that project.
I've had them removed (which is a painful process involving needles full of painkiller, cutting with knifes, and cauterizing and subsequently smelling your own flesh burn), but THEY COME BACK. Get one armpit hair wrapped around one and GODDAMMIT OWCH you're in tears.
posted by Edison Carter at 8:49 AM on April 13, 2012
I've had them removed (which is a painful process involving needles full of painkiller, cutting with knifes, and cauterizing and subsequently smelling your own flesh burn), but THEY COME BACK. Get one armpit hair wrapped around one and GODDAMMIT OWCH you're in tears.
posted by Edison Carter at 8:49 AM on April 13, 2012
It was at that point, Madamina, that I finally knew for sure that the Internet was to bring peace and joy to every nation.
posted by Devonian at 8:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Devonian at 8:50 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Goddammit, I aim to please.
posted by Madamina at 8:51 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Madamina at 8:51 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Here's how my mom gets rid of skin tags: tie a thread around them where they connect to the skin. Tie it tight and in about a week they just sort of....fall off on their own. It's gross sounding but completely painless and leaves only a little red dot on the skin where it was.
/derail
posted by troika at 8:55 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
/derail
posted by troika at 8:55 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I am surprised there is not a company doing for bras something like what Indochino does for suits.
posted by Nothing at 8:56 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by Nothing at 8:56 AM on April 13, 2012
Once again, I thank my soul-sucking job for the health insurance that enabled me to have a breast reduction.
posted by elsietheeel at 8:58 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by elsietheeel at 8:58 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Another scene from My Life Among Women:
Friend (small, cuddly, large-breasted, having first drink with me post first child): "You know the worst thing about the pregnancy?"
Me (body shape unimportant, but already a father so Knows These Things): "Backache? Constipation? Leaky tits? The doctors?"
Friend:"No. Bras. It was always a struggle finding a good fit, whatever species the designers trained on wasn't mammalian. But if it was difficult before..."
We drink in silence. I wait for more information.
Friend:"Every time I thought they couldn't get bigger, they did."
Me: "So you couldn't get anything?"
Friend:"It ended up, there was only one. One. One in my size."
Me: "Oh well, it's only for a while..."
Friend:"AND THEY WERE CALLED DOREEN. How can I wear ANY underwear called DOREEN?"
posted by Devonian at 9:02 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
Friend (small, cuddly, large-breasted, having first drink with me post first child): "You know the worst thing about the pregnancy?"
Me (body shape unimportant, but already a father so Knows These Things): "Backache? Constipation? Leaky tits? The doctors?"
Friend:"No. Bras. It was always a struggle finding a good fit, whatever species the designers trained on wasn't mammalian. But if it was difficult before..."
We drink in silence. I wait for more information.
Friend:"Every time I thought they couldn't get bigger, they did."
Me: "So you couldn't get anything?"
Friend:"It ended up, there was only one. One. One in my size."
Me: "Oh well, it's only for a while..."
Friend:"AND THEY WERE CALLED DOREEN. How can I wear ANY underwear called DOREEN?"
posted by Devonian at 9:02 AM on April 13, 2012 [8 favorites]
On skin tags, I prefer cutting them off with nail clippers (I'm not very patient). They rarely bleed, and you don't feel any pain, since skin tags don't have nerve endings (the surrounding skin does, so it depends if you cut right up to the skin, or a tiny bit off). Quick and easy for armpit skin tag removal.
posted by raztaj at 9:14 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by raztaj at 9:14 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Finding bras in 32DD is a bloody nightmare. They're bland and are rarely less than $50 each.
Even 32D isn't super easy to find - Target, for example, only does 32C and 34D, and even Victoria's Secret sells 32Ds online but not a lot of them in stores. So, Nordstrom it is. Especially since things purchased online never seem to fit right - I think my boobs are spaced weirdly, on top of everything else.
/only-moderately-busty girl problems
posted by naoko at 9:19 AM on April 13, 2012
Even 32D isn't super easy to find - Target, for example, only does 32C and 34D, and even Victoria's Secret sells 32Ds online but not a lot of them in stores. So, Nordstrom it is. Especially since things purchased online never seem to fit right - I think my boobs are spaced weirdly, on top of everything else.
/only-moderately-busty girl problems
posted by naoko at 9:19 AM on April 13, 2012
32D - Marshalls and Ross get them in this size from Calvin Klein. But be warned, I will hurt you if you try to pry these $16 bras out of my hands.
posted by bilabial at 9:26 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by bilabial at 9:26 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Here's how my mom gets rid of skin tags: tie a thread around them where they connect to the skin. Tie it tight and in about a week they just sort of....fall off on their own. It's gross sounding but completely painless and leaves only a little red dot on the skin where it was.
I have about 30 of them1. Sounds like a lot of work.
On skin tags, I prefer cutting them off with nail clippers (I'm not very patient). They rarely bleed, and you don't feel any pain, since skin tags don't have nerve endings (the surrounding skin does, so it depends if you cut right up to the skin, or a tiny bit off). Quick and easy for armpit skin tag removal.
Eesh. I once accidentally pulled one. It did hurt. This description hurt.
1. Told you not to ask.
posted by Edison Carter at 9:32 AM on April 13, 2012
I have about 30 of them1. Sounds like a lot of work.
On skin tags, I prefer cutting them off with nail clippers (I'm not very patient). They rarely bleed, and you don't feel any pain, since skin tags don't have nerve endings (the surrounding skin does, so it depends if you cut right up to the skin, or a tiny bit off). Quick and easy for armpit skin tag removal.
Eesh. I once accidentally pulled one. It did hurt. This description hurt.
1. Told you not to ask.
posted by Edison Carter at 9:32 AM on April 13, 2012
Blouses. The secret is to find one that fits, take it to pieces, make a pattern and take it to a tailor. Have them make a dozen BUT (and this is the most important piece of the puzzle) MAKE SURE THE BUTTON HOLES GO LEFT-RIGHT AND NOT UP-DOWN. They will not gap, gape or spring open at unfortunate moments.
posted by ninazer0 at 9:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [30 favorites]
posted by ninazer0 at 9:33 AM on April 13, 2012 [30 favorites]
Lady Grace for all my 32C and 32D needs! Not a lot of fun and funky fabrics, but at least the physical shops stock them right there in the store and I can actually try them on.
posted by cadge at 9:35 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by cadge at 9:35 AM on April 13, 2012
I have to put in my obligatory plug here for Decent Exposures. Their bras are not cute, they are very functional. But they are comfortable and supportive, and they will make them in any size you want and customize them in any way you need. They are also made by women who live in Seattle and get paid a fair and living wage and get child care and benefits starting at 20 hours a week. I have worn nothing else, save on my wedding day, for twelve years. Need shorter straps? Longer ones? Deeper armholes? Different on one side than the other? High-cut back for extra support? They're right there with you. Not cheap, but totally worth it.
posted by KathrynT at 9:37 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by KathrynT at 9:37 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
ninazer0: " MAKE SURE THE BUTTON HOLES GO LEFT-RIGHT AND NOT UP-DOWN. They will not gap, gape or spring open at unfortunate moments."
I would never have thought of that, but it makes perfect sense. Genius!
posted by dejah420 at 9:38 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I would never have thought of that, but it makes perfect sense. Genius!
posted by dejah420 at 9:38 AM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
This post is making me feel a LOT happier about being a card-carrying member of the IBTC. Y'all have my sympathy.
posted by egypturnash at 9:39 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by egypturnash at 9:39 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
38 HH here. Yeah, that's right ... I cried the first time I got a proper fitting and found I was (at the time) DDD. I have since regained my equanimity. The last bra I bought was an Elomi which had the benefit of being really cute, in multiple colors and ... only $55!!!!!!
posted by Allee Katze at 9:40 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by Allee Katze at 9:40 AM on April 13, 2012
Anita nursing bras are really well-made (expensive, but well-made.) I have tried SO MANY nursing bras in an effort to find ones that are supportive but don't pinch in horrible places. The bras I've ended up with are Anita and the unfortunately-named brand Hot Milk (warning: this is a company that is obsessed with making pregnant/nursing ladies SEXXXXXXY, the website is SFW but has a lot of cheesecake). Because all the Hot Milk bras I have are underwire-free, I just throw them in the washing machine and don't worry about anything coming loose. They have lasted the longest of all the many, many nursing bras I've tried. Even the Anita ones had underwire issues over time. The Hot Milk bras are still going.
And they come in a really wide size range. And they are supportive and comfortable and somewhat cute: I like that they at least have a little color and aren't putty-colored.
I've bought a lot of bras from Breakout Bras, which specializes in big boobs. And they are easy to deal with and have fast shipping, and one of the employees discusses each bra honestly (and helpfully!)
posted by thehmsbeagle at 9:41 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
And they come in a really wide size range. And they are supportive and comfortable and somewhat cute: I like that they at least have a little color and aren't putty-colored.
I've bought a lot of bras from Breakout Bras, which specializes in big boobs. And they are easy to deal with and have fast shipping, and one of the employees discusses each bra honestly (and helpfully!)
posted by thehmsbeagle at 9:41 AM on April 13, 2012 [3 favorites]
These are great but a lot of times I wish I didn't have to identify with them. Stupid boobs.
posted by Kitteh at 9:42 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by Kitteh at 9:42 AM on April 13, 2012
Keep flipping through the comics pages. There's an add with a super-busty Wonder Woman. Go figure.
posted by Edison Carter at 9:51 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by Edison Carter at 9:51 AM on April 13, 2012
Also, I realize for a properly fitted bra, you have to spend money, but it drives me a bit crazy when my husband balks a little at the prices of them. I don't want to spend $50+ either, but I have these big ol' boobs and goddamnit, I just want some of my bras to be comfortable. (I have two that do the job and are expensive, but sometimes they are so painful, I want to cry.)
Ladies of MeFi with big boobs, I heart you. Thanks for this thread.
posted by Kitteh at 9:56 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Ladies of MeFi with big boobs, I heart you. Thanks for this thread.
posted by Kitteh at 9:56 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
it drives me a bit crazy when my husband balks a little at the prices of them. I don't want to spend $50+ either, but I have these big ol' boobs and goddamnit, I just want some of my bras to be comfortable
Here's what you say: "You want these boobs to stay big, you gotta pay for the support."
posted by Edison Carter at 10:04 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
Here's what you say: "You want these boobs to stay big, you gotta pay for the support."
posted by Edison Carter at 10:04 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
Target, for example, only does 32C and 34D, and even Victoria's Secret sells 32Ds
Do keep in mind that these are not really real bra sizes. I mean, I don't know what the standards are supposed to be, but seriously. You know what Victoria's Secret recommends if the 38B is a little too small? The 34C. Think about it. That is not how bra sizing is supposed to work. If the 38B is close you should be looking at a 40B or a 38C. The sizing is not supposed to wrap around.
I'm glad that I am only moderately busty and, while I can certainly sympathize with many of these comics, others I am mercifully excepted from. I'm lucky to be able to shop at "normal" stores. I'm lucky to not need a bra to be, for lack of better architecture metaphor, earthquake proof, despite living on a minor fault line. The bras at Target, Victoria's Secret, Aerie (American Eagle), and I'm sure many other stores I can't think of the name of right now, are really really pretty and sometimes sexy and sometimes even functional. As often as not, however, I've found that I would have been better off spending more money for a more boring bra that looked better on me, even if it was full coverage off-tan.
And since I'm far too cheap to actually follow my own advice on that matter, you know where my best looking (in clothes) bras have come from recently? Boring, matronly Sears and Costco.
posted by maryr at 10:06 AM on April 13, 2012
Do keep in mind that these are not really real bra sizes. I mean, I don't know what the standards are supposed to be, but seriously. You know what Victoria's Secret recommends if the 38B is a little too small? The 34C. Think about it. That is not how bra sizing is supposed to work. If the 38B is close you should be looking at a 40B or a 38C. The sizing is not supposed to wrap around.
I'm glad that I am only moderately busty and, while I can certainly sympathize with many of these comics, others I am mercifully excepted from. I'm lucky to be able to shop at "normal" stores. I'm lucky to not need a bra to be, for lack of better architecture metaphor, earthquake proof, despite living on a minor fault line. The bras at Target, Victoria's Secret, Aerie (American Eagle), and I'm sure many other stores I can't think of the name of right now, are really really pretty and sometimes sexy and sometimes even functional. As often as not, however, I've found that I would have been better off spending more money for a more boring bra that looked better on me, even if it was full coverage off-tan.
And since I'm far too cheap to actually follow my own advice on that matter, you know where my best looking (in clothes) bras have come from recently? Boring, matronly Sears and Costco.
posted by maryr at 10:06 AM on April 13, 2012
As an aside, these comics were featured on Buzzfeed, and I've seen several friends share the Buzzfeed link today. I really appreciate that you linked to the original source, HMSSM.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:25 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
by god you should go out and buy every last one you can find and hoard those fuckers.
Man I wish this thread existed a few months ago when I went out and spent $270 for THREE bras at Nordstrom. I could have printed this out and handed it to my husband with the credit card bill. He was just kind of surprised that they cost so much.
posted by ambrosia at 10:27 AM on April 13, 2012
Man I wish this thread existed a few months ago when I went out and spent $270 for THREE bras at Nordstrom. I could have printed this out and handed it to my husband with the credit card bill. He was just kind of surprised that they cost so much.
posted by ambrosia at 10:27 AM on April 13, 2012
Here's what you say: "You want these boobs to stay big, you gotta pay for the support."
Oh, he isn't mean nor negative about it at all. But he IS a guy and when is a pair of underpants ever going to cost him $50+ dollars?
He's quite sympathetic (he's more pro-reduction than I am because he worries about my back as I get older; I just remember how long it took my mom to recover when she had her reduction done).
posted by Kitteh at 10:36 AM on April 13, 2012
Oh, he isn't mean nor negative about it at all. But he IS a guy and when is a pair of underpants ever going to cost him $50+ dollars?
He's quite sympathetic (he's more pro-reduction than I am because he worries about my back as I get older; I just remember how long it took my mom to recover when she had her reduction done).
posted by Kitteh at 10:36 AM on April 13, 2012
Women of large cup sizes, you DO indeed have some cute options to choose from! I'm a 32FF and am currently rocking a pink and black cheetah print bra. I also have a hot pink one, a bubble gum pink and white plunge one, a dark purple one, and a black one with a multi-colored floral print. That's in addition to the boring black and beige t-shirt bras.
No, it isn't cheap. Freya is the brand that works best for me, and they're all around $70-80 each. Fantasie is another great brand that fits me and also costs too much but is totally worth it.
Black and nude are NOT your only color choices if you're anywhere near my large size. Sure, those are the color choices at mid-range and low-end department stores, but Nordstrom and its ilk (and small independent lingerie stores) are where it's at for color and style selection in this size range.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 10:36 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
No, it isn't cheap. Freya is the brand that works best for me, and they're all around $70-80 each. Fantasie is another great brand that fits me and also costs too much but is totally worth it.
Black and nude are NOT your only color choices if you're anywhere near my large size. Sure, those are the color choices at mid-range and low-end department stores, but Nordstrom and its ilk (and small independent lingerie stores) are where it's at for color and style selection in this size range.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 10:36 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
My Largely Mythological Husband went through this entire site and was all OMG SHE'S SPYING ON YOU.
The "boobs erase the chalkboard" thing happened to me all the time when I was teaching. Gah.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:42 AM on April 13, 2012
The "boobs erase the chalkboard" thing happened to me all the time when I was teaching. Gah.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:42 AM on April 13, 2012
What can you get in a 32DD? Black or 'nude'.
I've seen cute bras in a 34G, but I'm not going to pay $150 for a lacy thing that isn't really a work horse. I just found a t-shirt bra with contrast stitching in blue and was so happy to pay $60 for it. When I'm lucky I find something at Nordstrom Rack but they always put the bigger sizes on the bottom as if it's a cruel joke.
There's no reason the busty contingent should be denied the joys of the blouse: buy one that fits in the chest area and have it tailored. It's so quick, so easy, so cheap, and men do it all the time.
Oh, how I wished that worked. I actually got a certificate in fashion design just so I could learn to make clothes that fit me. If I buy a blouse for my chest not only is the waist too big, but so are the shoulders and that's a big/expensive alteration to make. I have one button down shirt that I found at TJMaxx and it fits me perfectly. People comment on it. No gapping! I want to take it apart and make others but I'm afraid of ruining it.
What really gets me is all of my clothes, especially sweaters, pilling across my chest and the sides where my arms brush when I walk.
Then there's trying to do yoga poses but not being able to put your arms where they're supposed to go because you boobs are in the way.
I always thought that it's not fair that women can get implants. If they want to flaunt it they should have to deal with all of the emotional baggage, discomfort and pain we've dealt with since elementary school.
In closing, there's the awful decision to make when getting dressed: wear something with coverage that's loose so nobody stares at the girls, but look fat and/or pregnant or wear something form fitting and look thinner, but like a porn star.
I wish I had gotten a reduction when my mom suggested it in high school (when I was on my parents' insurance). I wonder how different my life would have been.
posted by Bunglegirl at 10:45 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've seen cute bras in a 34G, but I'm not going to pay $150 for a lacy thing that isn't really a work horse. I just found a t-shirt bra with contrast stitching in blue and was so happy to pay $60 for it. When I'm lucky I find something at Nordstrom Rack but they always put the bigger sizes on the bottom as if it's a cruel joke.
There's no reason the busty contingent should be denied the joys of the blouse: buy one that fits in the chest area and have it tailored. It's so quick, so easy, so cheap, and men do it all the time.
Oh, how I wished that worked. I actually got a certificate in fashion design just so I could learn to make clothes that fit me. If I buy a blouse for my chest not only is the waist too big, but so are the shoulders and that's a big/expensive alteration to make. I have one button down shirt that I found at TJMaxx and it fits me perfectly. People comment on it. No gapping! I want to take it apart and make others but I'm afraid of ruining it.
What really gets me is all of my clothes, especially sweaters, pilling across my chest and the sides where my arms brush when I walk.
Then there's trying to do yoga poses but not being able to put your arms where they're supposed to go because you boobs are in the way.
I always thought that it's not fair that women can get implants. If they want to flaunt it they should have to deal with all of the emotional baggage, discomfort and pain we've dealt with since elementary school.
In closing, there's the awful decision to make when getting dressed: wear something with coverage that's loose so nobody stares at the girls, but look fat and/or pregnant or wear something form fitting and look thinner, but like a porn star.
I wish I had gotten a reduction when my mom suggested it in high school (when I was on my parents' insurance). I wonder how different my life would have been.
posted by Bunglegirl at 10:45 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Surprised that no one's mentioned what Vasquez from Aliens is up to these days.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:48 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:48 AM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
Oh, also? How great is it to see women of many races represented in that comic?
posted by troika at 11:24 AM on April 13, 2012 [24 favorites]
posted by troika at 11:24 AM on April 13, 2012 [24 favorites]
How great is it to see women of many races represented in that comic?
REALLY. GREAT.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 11:28 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
REALLY. GREAT.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 11:28 AM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
Disadvantages to having a penis of any size:
1) Taking a kick to the nads.
2) See #1.
posted by Justinian at 11:36 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
1) Taking a kick to the nads.
2) See #1.
posted by Justinian at 11:36 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Great comic!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:41 AM on April 13, 2012
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:41 AM on April 13, 2012
Then there's trying to do yoga poses but not being able to put your arms where they're supposed to go because you boobs are in the way.
Worst: Downward Facing Dog and a boob goes right in the eye.
Reader, it happened to me.
posted by sonika at 12:16 PM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
Worst: Downward Facing Dog and a boob goes right in the eye.
Reader, it happened to me.
posted by sonika at 12:16 PM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
Also difficult: upright stationary bikes at the gym. Repeatedly got punched in the chin, & felt super- self-conscious about the cleave wiggle I had going on. Yuck.
posted by shiu mai baby at 12:21 PM on April 13, 2012
posted by shiu mai baby at 12:21 PM on April 13, 2012
I feel you. What can you get in a 36G nursing bra? Victorian era bandages it is!
I (miserably) put up with nursing bras for about six months, tried different kinds that everyone swore were great, but I finally couldn't take it any more and converted one of my pre-pregnancy Freyas (luckily I had one that had been too big before). It was scary to cut up a treasured object like that but totally worth it and not very hard.
posted by waterlily at 12:22 PM on April 13, 2012
I (miserably) put up with nursing bras for about six months, tried different kinds that everyone swore were great, but I finally couldn't take it any more and converted one of my pre-pregnancy Freyas (luckily I had one that had been too big before). It was scary to cut up a treasured object like that but totally worth it and not very hard.
posted by waterlily at 12:22 PM on April 13, 2012
For days, I was miserably engorged.
Mrs. Plinth solved that problem at one point by shooting me double-barrel in the back of the head with milk (at least some of it - the rest when over the top of my head) straight from the source. I can't blame her really, because if I could do that, I would.
When we moved in together always seemed that on a night that we had scheduled pasta with red sauce and red wine, Mrs. Plinth was wearing a white blouse. Zout was the inevitable result. When we got married, we had catering done by a place that makes fresh pasta. Mrs. Plinth's dish was the only one (1) with tortellini and (2) with white sauce.
posted by plinth at 12:24 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Mrs. Plinth solved that problem at one point by shooting me double-barrel in the back of the head with milk (at least some of it - the rest when over the top of my head) straight from the source. I can't blame her really, because if I could do that, I would.
When we moved in together always seemed that on a night that we had scheduled pasta with red sauce and red wine, Mrs. Plinth was wearing a white blouse. Zout was the inevitable result. When we got married, we had catering done by a place that makes fresh pasta. Mrs. Plinth's dish was the only one (1) with tortellini and (2) with white sauce.
posted by plinth at 12:24 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
My wife recently engaged in a running race around the kitchen with our daughter. This was in the morning, before she had gotten dressed, so she performed the "stair clutch" which our daughter promptly mimicked (winning the race due to laughter-induced forfeit).
posted by mkb at 12:24 PM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by mkb at 12:24 PM on April 13, 2012 [4 favorites]
Mrs. Plinth solved that problem at one point by shooting me double-barrel in the back of the head with milk (at least some of it - the rest when over the top of my head) straight from the source.
Yes... well... let's just say that I needed to remove at least 4oz of milk from each breast to fully *solve* this problem and that's a lot for anyone to wear.
posted by sonika at 12:30 PM on April 13, 2012
Yes... well... let's just say that I needed to remove at least 4oz of milk from each breast to fully *solve* this problem and that's a lot for anyone to wear.
posted by sonika at 12:30 PM on April 13, 2012
Exercise is a special hell. I had to explain to my spouse that yes, even though I wear 2 bras when working out, running will cause me pain, not just during, but afterward as well. By the way, a wireless stretchy sports bra with tight underwired bra on top helps compress things enough to make yoga more probable. Notice I don't say possible, just probable.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 12:37 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Kitty Stardust at 12:37 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh, and am I the only person to have permanent marks (sort of bruise-y, but not actually bruises) where the underwires contact that side-boob/underarm area?
Gross, I know.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 12:39 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Gross, I know.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 12:39 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Reader, it happened to me.
Best line in the entire thread.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:40 PM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Best line in the entire thread.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:40 PM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
I'm not going to pay $150 for a lacy thing that isn't really a work horse.
My bra wardrobe is comprised almost entirely of this sort of bra. My workdays are generally 12-15 hours long, and mostly manual labor. Those lacy things that you deride? Awesome kickass supportive bras. Prima Donna is my brand of choice. My job often involves running up and down stairs with my hands full. At 36G, good support is critical. Every day I wear a non PD bra to work, I regret it.
posted by mollymayhem at 12:49 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
My bra wardrobe is comprised almost entirely of this sort of bra. My workdays are generally 12-15 hours long, and mostly manual labor. Those lacy things that you deride? Awesome kickass supportive bras. Prima Donna is my brand of choice. My job often involves running up and down stairs with my hands full. At 36G, good support is critical. Every day I wear a non PD bra to work, I regret it.
posted by mollymayhem at 12:49 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Those lacy things that you deride? Awesome kickass supportive bras. Prima Donna is my brand of choice.
Double amen. Nothing stronger than an all-lace bra. The "t-shirt" or seamless styles seem to stretch out very quickly, but that bra lace must be fortified with steel or something.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:54 PM on April 13, 2012
Double amen. Nothing stronger than an all-lace bra. The "t-shirt" or seamless styles seem to stretch out very quickly, but that bra lace must be fortified with steel or something.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:54 PM on April 13, 2012
Fauve, the posher version of Fantasie, is very nice, I've found.
posted by mippy at 1:47 PM on April 13, 2012
posted by mippy at 1:47 PM on April 13, 2012
It's not *all* bad though, there are a few perks.
I'm afraid, for this busty girl, 'perk' has very little to do with it.
posted by Gordafarin at 1:58 PM on April 13, 2012
I'm afraid, for this busty girl, 'perk' has very little to do with it.
posted by Gordafarin at 1:58 PM on April 13, 2012
I'm barely more endowed than a teenage boy, and for a long time I was really self-conscious about this, even though from the waist down I'm really secure in how I look. My best friend is really busty and got catcalled all the time. I was so jealous for such a long time, but as a mature adult I'm really grateful not to have the problems depicted in these comics. I definitely wouldn't have surgery* but if a genie appeared to grant me bigger breasts I think I'd turn him down. I like not having things in my way, I like not having to worry about bumpy roads. The only downside is that shirts with darts look weird on me. I often wear boys' shirts for this reason.
* Not a moral judgment, I've just had too many medical operations in my past and it'll be life-or-death before I put myself through another.
posted by desjardins at 2:18 PM on April 13, 2012
* Not a moral judgment, I've just had too many medical operations in my past and it'll be life-or-death before I put myself through another.
posted by desjardins at 2:18 PM on April 13, 2012
Good grief, I didn't realise i did this. But I do. And this necklace thing has been bugging the shit out of me for years. I still don't know how to solve that properly.
What I would like most in the world is if the manufacturers (or the online retailers, i guess) did a reliable "this bra fits like that other bra". I've found that within a single brand you can have wildly different fits which really messes up my life of buying everything online so i don't have to try things on in a shop. I'm going to take KathyrnT's tip, I think!
Totally do the stairs clutch thing. Am sad I spent more than a decade wearing the biggest t-shirt I could find.
posted by pymsical at 2:26 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
What I would like most in the world is if the manufacturers (or the online retailers, i guess) did a reliable "this bra fits like that other bra". I've found that within a single brand you can have wildly different fits which really messes up my life of buying everything online so i don't have to try things on in a shop. I'm going to take KathyrnT's tip, I think!
Totally do the stairs clutch thing. Am sad I spent more than a decade wearing the biggest t-shirt I could find.
posted by pymsical at 2:26 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
H. (I have a range of explanations for these sizes. G = gigantor, H = hellaceous)
In Australia where there's less options because of a smaller market place. Even the specialty stores look at me and shake their heads. Exercise? You have got to be joking. Sometimes when I swim, the extra buoyancy tries to escape out the top of my swimsuit. Dating online - no matter how I disguise it, often the first (and therefore last) conversation includes "so how big are they?"
Breastfeeding in bed, I had to be careful not to smother my baby with my breast.
In a pal's messy apartment, "don't step on those papers!", "what papers?", "those ones right near your feet.", "you think I can see my feet?"
posted by b33j at 2:38 PM on April 13, 2012
In Australia where there's less options because of a smaller market place. Even the specialty stores look at me and shake their heads. Exercise? You have got to be joking. Sometimes when I swim, the extra buoyancy tries to escape out the top of my swimsuit. Dating online - no matter how I disguise it, often the first (and therefore last) conversation includes "so how big are they?"
Breastfeeding in bed, I had to be careful not to smother my baby with my breast.
In a pal's messy apartment, "don't step on those papers!", "what papers?", "those ones right near your feet.", "you think I can see my feet?"
posted by b33j at 2:38 PM on April 13, 2012
How have we gone through this entire thread without the worst offender? UNDERBOOB SWEAT.
See also: that awkward moment when you get out of the shower and go to the bedroom in your towel and your spouse thinks you're all sexy, but you've got to lift each boob completely up to dry off the pool of water that's collected underneath.
posted by sonika at 2:43 PM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]
See also: that awkward moment when you get out of the shower and go to the bedroom in your towel and your spouse thinks you're all sexy, but you've got to lift each boob completely up to dry off the pool of water that's collected underneath.
posted by sonika at 2:43 PM on April 13, 2012 [9 favorites]
I have another: underboob fungal infection. Never even knew that was what it was until a fortunate annual OB exam.
posted by annsunny at 2:52 PM on April 13, 2012
posted by annsunny at 2:52 PM on April 13, 2012
Oh, and am I the only person to have permanent marks (sort of bruise-y, but not actually bruises) where the underwires contact that side-boob/underarm area?
Mercifully, they turned out to only be semi-permanent for me, as they went away when I finally was able to find underwire bras that don't dig in to that particular spot. For me, this coincided with finally going for a proper fitting and learning that I should go down a couple band sizes and up a couple cup sizes (but count myself fortunate to have come in at a D/DD), and this bumped me into a more expensive but better-constructed class of bra. But yes, I have had this problem.
Now ask me about the effect on my skin of wearing pants that fit in the hips but are snug in the waist because of my well-off-average proportions. Stupid girl clothes.
posted by EvaDestruction at 2:55 PM on April 13, 2012
Mercifully, they turned out to only be semi-permanent for me, as they went away when I finally was able to find underwire bras that don't dig in to that particular spot. For me, this coincided with finally going for a proper fitting and learning that I should go down a couple band sizes and up a couple cup sizes (but count myself fortunate to have come in at a D/DD), and this bumped me into a more expensive but better-constructed class of bra. But yes, I have had this problem.
Now ask me about the effect on my skin of wearing pants that fit in the hips but are snug in the waist because of my well-off-average proportions. Stupid girl clothes.
posted by EvaDestruction at 2:55 PM on April 13, 2012
If you wear US sizes 4-18, Carissa Rose sells tailored blouses designed for DD cups and up. They are expensive, but the quality is pretty decent.
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:12 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:12 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I also bought some of these folks' t-shirts and was reasonably happy with them. Again, pricey but decent quality.
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:14 PM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Sidhedevil at 3:14 PM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
Yes, my mother recently informed me of the joy of yeast infections under your boobs and I've been horrifying all my friends with it. This is the woman who also passed down the wise family saying upon my 30th birthday that "Dry rot sets in after 30." Thanks, Mom. I feel much better now.
posted by maryr at 3:39 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by maryr at 3:39 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Was inspired by this post to take stock of my lingerie drawer. Decided I need a Freya bra. Went for this one. So pretty!
posted by peacheater at 4:08 PM on April 13, 2012
posted by peacheater at 4:08 PM on April 13, 2012
How have we gone through this entire thread without the worst offender? UNDERBOOB SWEAT.
Sonika: Very true, but the flip side is that we get to enjoy this.
posted by shiu mai baby at 5:14 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Sonika: Very true, but the flip side is that we get to enjoy this.
posted by shiu mai baby at 5:14 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
(ms. Veg)
I wish to thank the lovely, fellow large-boobed ladies for making this my favorite metafilter post ever. Bras i have figured out. Clothing options made for ladies with boobs make me want to cry with joy
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:56 PM on April 13, 2012
I wish to thank the lovely, fellow large-boobed ladies for making this my favorite metafilter post ever. Bras i have figured out. Clothing options made for ladies with boobs make me want to cry with joy
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:56 PM on April 13, 2012
> Bra shopping, the sales ladies at a particular place don't seem to understand that I would really like some cute options.
What can you get in a 32DD? Black or 'nude'. And they're never on sale, so I buy a 32D at Marshalls and deal with the weird boob crease. But if I were a rich lady! I'd get the fanciest bras I could find in my size.
I was a 30D before I gained 10 mysterious, glorious pounds that seemed to end up all in my boobs.
pssst, ebay is your friend. i'm a 30DDD (and i know size doesn't tell you much about distribution/cleavage etc. so FWIW i don't consider myself busty and never have, and only ever achieve any semblance of cleavage in very, um, constructed clothing), and i have tons of cute bras in sky blue, crimson red, swiss dot pattern...i never could've 'til i found out about NWT ebay search alerting for said bra size.
posted by ifjuly at 6:01 PM on April 13, 2012
What can you get in a 32DD? Black or 'nude'. And they're never on sale, so I buy a 32D at Marshalls and deal with the weird boob crease. But if I were a rich lady! I'd get the fanciest bras I could find in my size.
I was a 30D before I gained 10 mysterious, glorious pounds that seemed to end up all in my boobs.
pssst, ebay is your friend. i'm a 30DDD (and i know size doesn't tell you much about distribution/cleavage etc. so FWIW i don't consider myself busty and never have, and only ever achieve any semblance of cleavage in very, um, constructed clothing), and i have tons of cute bras in sky blue, crimson red, swiss dot pattern...i never could've 'til i found out about NWT ebay search alerting for said bra size.
posted by ifjuly at 6:01 PM on April 13, 2012
Can't thank people enough for sharing their maternity/nursing bra sources here. I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and living in one measly, non-underwired dowdy, thick strapped bra. One. The other two (in the same size) I bought fit me under the boob and around the body, but gape at the top. Methinks I'm just going to switch to nursing bras as soon as I can. It's ridiculous.
posted by saturnine at 6:05 PM on April 13, 2012
posted by saturnine at 6:05 PM on April 13, 2012
As a 40D/40DD, I can attest to the "issues" of having a larger breast size.
A note to the alien lords who will one day overtake us and attempt to evolve the human race: BREASTS SHOULD COME WITH VELCRO!! Think about it, we can interchange the size as needed (lots of vavoom for a night on the town, or just a handful when hanging around the house), we can take them off at night and put them on the nightstand so we can sleep comfortably (and if he gets a little frisky in the middle of the night, just hand him one, roll over and go back to sleep), and we'd no longer have to dig holes in the sand at the beach when we want to lay on our tummies!! Is a little velcro too much to ask??
On a side note...
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
Don't know about that, but there's always this book.
posted by bwsmom at 6:12 PM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
A note to the alien lords who will one day overtake us and attempt to evolve the human race: BREASTS SHOULD COME WITH VELCRO!! Think about it, we can interchange the size as needed (lots of vavoom for a night on the town, or just a handful when hanging around the house), we can take them off at night and put them on the nightstand so we can sleep comfortably (and if he gets a little frisky in the middle of the night, just hand him one, roll over and go back to sleep), and we'd no longer have to dig holes in the sand at the beach when we want to lay on our tummies!! Is a little velcro too much to ask??
On a side note...
Wow, now I sort of can't wait for some guy to do a companion comic on the hardships of having a huge penis.
Don't know about that, but there's always this book.
posted by bwsmom at 6:12 PM on April 13, 2012 [2 favorites]
And Nthing the Fig Leaves.com or .co.uk suggestion. The UK site ships to Canada (they ship everywhere in the world, more or less) using Royal Mail, so things arrive in a week to ten days, without the insane and stupid customs brokerage fees that couriers insist on charging. You still pay tax and duty, but you don't pay 80 bucks for someone to fill out the forms the way you do on stuff from the US.
Given that otherwise I have the choice of 130.00 bucks for a plain-jane 34G bra from a specialty fitting shop that's a plane ride away or nothing at all, Fig Leaves would be good even if they didn't have cute, pretty bras that cost a third of that. Winners, The Bay and every other standard shop only carry 36 and 38, and their cups stop at DD, meaning that I wind up with a strap I could wear around my hips and cups that I'd have to lop bits off of myself to fit into.
And for some reason, British companies cut bras *well* for small-backed big boobed women. Freya bras are perfect, comfortable and very, very pretty. And SHOCK ABSORBER makes it possible for me to actually run without clutching at myself.
posted by jrochest at 6:34 PM on April 13, 2012
Given that otherwise I have the choice of 130.00 bucks for a plain-jane 34G bra from a specialty fitting shop that's a plane ride away or nothing at all, Fig Leaves would be good even if they didn't have cute, pretty bras that cost a third of that. Winners, The Bay and every other standard shop only carry 36 and 38, and their cups stop at DD, meaning that I wind up with a strap I could wear around my hips and cups that I'd have to lop bits off of myself to fit into.
And for some reason, British companies cut bras *well* for small-backed big boobed women. Freya bras are perfect, comfortable and very, very pretty. And SHOCK ABSORBER makes it possible for me to actually run without clutching at myself.
posted by jrochest at 6:34 PM on April 13, 2012
saturnine, Don't buy nursing bras quite yet. Get maternity bras first. I was a full cup size larger when breastfeeding than I was when I was pregnant. If you get nursing bras *now*... there's a very good chance they won't fit when you need them. I got non-underwire maternity bras at a specialty lingerie store and I highly, *highly* advise this. My boobs were also more sensitive when I was pregnant - by the time I was nursing, an underwire was fine, but pregnant? KEEP THY FILTHY WIRES OFF OF MY CHEST.
If you can't find specific maternity bras (and can't find ordinary "civilian" bras that fit), go ahead and buy nursing bras, but keep in mind that they might not fit when you're actually nursing.
Sonika: Very true, but the flip side is that we get to enjoy this.
I don't consider it a perk seeing as without the underboob sweat, there's no need for airing out ;)
posted by sonika at 7:04 PM on April 13, 2012
If you can't find specific maternity bras (and can't find ordinary "civilian" bras that fit), go ahead and buy nursing bras, but keep in mind that they might not fit when you're actually nursing.
Sonika: Very true, but the flip side is that we get to enjoy this.
I don't consider it a perk seeing as without the underboob sweat, there's no need for airing out ;)
posted by sonika at 7:04 PM on April 13, 2012
Amen, amen, amen to all of this. To everything in this thread, and in the comics.
Also, fess up: how many of you are either a) balancing your computer on your boobs right now [if you're lying down] or b) resting your boobs on the table where your computer is?
One perk: when braless, walking up behind where your partner is sitting and giving your partner a surprise boob hat (gently so as not to knock them unconscious).
posted by ocherdraco at 8:04 PM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
Also, fess up: how many of you are either a) balancing your computer on your boobs right now [if you're lying down] or b) resting your boobs on the table where your computer is?
One perk: when braless, walking up behind where your partner is sitting and giving your partner a surprise boob hat (gently so as not to knock them unconscious).
posted by ocherdraco at 8:04 PM on April 13, 2012 [6 favorites]
It didn't occur to me until I read this thread that my need to sleep with a "huggy pillow" had anything to do with my chest, but it's true that I did start doing that around the same time as my curves came in (before my thirties I was slender and had neither boobs or hips), when I no longer had access to any stuffed animals. My favorite is a compressible camping pillow that's smaller and firmer than a regular pillow.
Thanks, everyone, for the bra shopping links.
posted by matildaben at 8:10 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Thanks, everyone, for the bra shopping links.
posted by matildaben at 8:10 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've sent this discussion to my busty daughter. Hopefully some of the garment choices will help her. Her fantasy is to be dropped off at a (UK) Bravissimo store with an unlimited credit card.
posted by blob at 8:24 PM on April 13, 2012
posted by blob at 8:24 PM on April 13, 2012
I'm a 44 DDD/E. Still nursing. After three kids, I still have not found a comfortable nursing bra that didn't give me uni-boob like a sports bra. I have two Elomi nursing bras that have come close, but the underwire one had the wire poking up the middle of my chest after three wearings.
Fucking boobs. If it weren't for the fact that they've helped me grow three healthy kids, I'd have no damn use for them. Bras are just the frosting on the nightmare.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:48 PM on April 13, 2012
Fucking boobs. If it weren't for the fact that they've helped me grow three healthy kids, I'd have no damn use for them. Bras are just the frosting on the nightmare.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:48 PM on April 13, 2012
I had big, big boobs. I was subjected to such terrifying sexual attention and constant humiliating teasing from the age of 8 that as soon as I had the money, I had the fnckers cut off. I still don't actually understand women who get upset about having mastectomies. It's aterrible hole in my empathy blanket. I longed for the day when someone would hack them off, back to my ribcage. They're smaller now... and nobody ever notices them, and I couldn't be happier.
By the way, the perpetrators were grown men for the sexual stuff from when I was 8.... never ever kids my own age, and the teasing was from women, girls... my sisters... every possible age.
I have to say, now that I have daughters..... if a peer ever said anything to them about their breasts (if they get them), I would call the Department of Community Services. If another child is making remarks about a little girl's breasts, it's because that child has been exposed to some pretty damn inappropriate influences.
And if a man looked or said anything about my girls, I"d be calling the police. Breasts make me incandescently angry.
posted by taff at 10:46 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
By the way, the perpetrators were grown men for the sexual stuff from when I was 8.... never ever kids my own age, and the teasing was from women, girls... my sisters... every possible age.
I have to say, now that I have daughters..... if a peer ever said anything to them about their breasts (if they get them), I would call the Department of Community Services. If another child is making remarks about a little girl's breasts, it's because that child has been exposed to some pretty damn inappropriate influences.
And if a man looked or said anything about my girls, I"d be calling the police. Breasts make me incandescently angry.
posted by taff at 10:46 PM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Sorta on-topic, I'm going to randomly pimp the excellent young adult novel Dancing in Red Shoes Will Kill You by Dorian Cirrone, about a teenager who's a talented ballet dancer and feminist but also very large-breasted, which totally invalidates the first two in the eyes of most people she knows. It's got a lot about the daily frustrations of being busty (dancing requires multiple sports bra layers) and her ambivalence about getting breast reduction surgery (a medical procedure that will improve her health and let her pursue her ballet dreams, or self-mutilation that supports impossible beauty standards and gives in to The Man?). It's also a pretty funny book!
posted by nicebookrack at 12:18 AM on April 14, 2012
posted by nicebookrack at 12:18 AM on April 14, 2012
And this necklace thing has been bugging the shit out of me for years. I still don't know how to solve that properly.
I just wear exclusively short necklaces. Since I don't exactly want to draw more attention to my bust anyway, a shiny bauble up nearer to my neck or collarbone looks nicer anyway, as opposed to dangling over/inside my cleavage.
posted by Gordafarin at 12:46 AM on April 14, 2012
I just wear exclusively short necklaces. Since I don't exactly want to draw more attention to my bust anyway, a shiny bauble up nearer to my neck or collarbone looks nicer anyway, as opposed to dangling over/inside my cleavage.
posted by Gordafarin at 12:46 AM on April 14, 2012
I've just started Couch to 5K and I wear a Freya sports bra - I think it might be a cup-size too small as I bought it before I got remeasured, but it seems this is an advantage when it comes to sports bras. It's not flattering, but it doesn't need to be.
(confession - I went to buy a sports bra, and in the changing room jumped up and down repeatedly to check for bounce. I could feel it, but I couldn't see it...until I looked down and realised it was my belly. AUGH.)
posted by mippy at 2:07 AM on April 14, 2012
(confession - I went to buy a sports bra, and in the changing room jumped up and down repeatedly to check for bounce. I could feel it, but I couldn't see it...until I looked down and realised it was my belly. AUGH.)
posted by mippy at 2:07 AM on April 14, 2012
Yes... well... let's just say that I needed to remove at least 4oz of milk from each breast
Ah yes, I remember the day that Mrs. Plinth pumped out a pint. From each. I had a much greater appreciation for the back pain from then on.
posted by plinth at 3:58 AM on April 14, 2012
Ah yes, I remember the day that Mrs. Plinth pumped out a pint. From each. I had a much greater appreciation for the back pain from then on.
posted by plinth at 3:58 AM on April 14, 2012
Mrs. Plinth pumped out a pint. From each.
16oz from EACH?! In one go? Are you sure? If so, I have gold medals in breastfeeding for her. At the height of my supply, I could regularly get 6oz from each and that's absolutely nothing to sneeze at.
posted by sonika at 5:02 AM on April 14, 2012
16oz from EACH?! In one go? Are you sure? If so, I have gold medals in breastfeeding for her. At the height of my supply, I could regularly get 6oz from each and that's absolutely nothing to sneeze at.
posted by sonika at 5:02 AM on April 14, 2012
Over a day that would be pretty doable. I used to get half that amount, per breast, in one sitting before I had my breast reduction.
posted by taff at 5:15 AM on April 14, 2012
posted by taff at 5:15 AM on April 14, 2012
Actually, did you mean an American pint? I was thinking of a pommy 600ml pint. I got 250-300mls out of each boob.
posted by taff at 5:18 AM on April 14, 2012
posted by taff at 5:18 AM on April 14, 2012
Oh, sonika, I hear you. During the summer, the underboob sweat is much with itching and damp uncomfortable. And I always feel embarassed when I have lift up my boobs to dry them down there!
posted by Kitteh at 5:19 AM on April 14, 2012
posted by Kitteh at 5:19 AM on April 14, 2012
At the risk of flooding the end of this thread, I should clarify. Dearest Sonika, I hope I wasn't sounding competitive or dismissive. I was trying to convert foreign measurements in my head.
I'm sure you know that how much you are able to express is only an indication of how much you are able to express. Not of how much you produce. Or any particular skill or talent.
Most women I've known wouldn't be able to get 6oz (?177ml) out of a boob in a purple fit. That's a large quantity. No judgement though because lots of women can't get anything out even though their babies are thriving on breast feeding. Odd.
posted by taff at 5:29 AM on April 14, 2012
I'm sure you know that how much you are able to express is only an indication of how much you are able to express. Not of how much you produce. Or any particular skill or talent.
Most women I've known wouldn't be able to get 6oz (?177ml) out of a boob in a purple fit. That's a large quantity. No judgement though because lots of women can't get anything out even though their babies are thriving on breast feeding. Odd.
posted by taff at 5:29 AM on April 14, 2012
As a 38DDD who doesn't have much spending money and who can't freaking find a cute bra in my size in any of the stores around here (I can only find the 38DDDs at Lane Bryant, and then they only have like one or two because most of their bras are 40-42-44), thank you so much to this thread for existing. Blouse gapping, underboob (and between the boob!) sweat and funk, deodorant marks on the sides of my shirts (I actually didn't realize that was boob-related), awkward sleeping, dropping food into my cleavage - check, check and double check.
For those of you who have bigger boobs than me, I feel your pain.
Also, finding a properly-fitting bra is a fucking revelation, let me tell you - I thought I was a 40D. Putting that first 38DDD on in the dressing room was SUCH A DIFFERENCE. (Even though I was freaking out about "I'm a DDD?! oh god my boobs are GIGANTIC")
posted by agress at 6:33 AM on April 14, 2012 [2 favorites]
For those of you who have bigger boobs than me, I feel your pain.
Also, finding a properly-fitting bra is a fucking revelation, let me tell you - I thought I was a 40D. Putting that first 38DDD on in the dressing room was SUCH A DIFFERENCE. (Even though I was freaking out about "I'm a DDD?! oh god my boobs are GIGANTIC")
posted by agress at 6:33 AM on April 14, 2012 [2 favorites]
I love this thread because just the other day one of my classmates gave a presentation on the history of bras, and to the slight embarrassment of the two male classmates, a lot of the problems discussed in the comic came up.
Also, finding a properly-fitting bra is a fucking revelation, let me tell you
My mom was so overjoyed when Queen Latifah's bra line came out. FInding a fit at an affordable price in colours that she liked - wow! Mom has never been one to talk about such personal topics, but she seriously could not stop talking about the bras!
posted by Calzephyr at 7:05 AM on April 14, 2012
Also, finding a properly-fitting bra is a fucking revelation, let me tell you
My mom was so overjoyed when Queen Latifah's bra line came out. FInding a fit at an affordable price in colours that she liked - wow! Mom has never been one to talk about such personal topics, but she seriously could not stop talking about the bras!
posted by Calzephyr at 7:05 AM on April 14, 2012
My cheapest acceptable bra was $56. Yesterday I paid $80 for a swimsuit top.
Which is just anecdotal evidence in support of saying I read the entire archive of Busty Girl Comics yesterday and laughed my ass off.
posted by kostia at 12:35 PM on April 14, 2012 [1 favorite]
Which is just anecdotal evidence in support of saying I read the entire archive of Busty Girl Comics yesterday and laughed my ass off.
posted by kostia at 12:35 PM on April 14, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't consider it a perk seeing as without the underboob sweat, there's no need for airing out ;)
Yeah, but it feels. so. good. Ditto for taking off a bra. I'm sure it's a nice experience for all ladies, but especially for we members of the larger-chested tribe.
posted by shiu mai baby at 1:25 PM on April 14, 2012
Yeah, but it feels. so. good. Ditto for taking off a bra. I'm sure it's a nice experience for all ladies, but especially for we members of the larger-chested tribe.
posted by shiu mai baby at 1:25 PM on April 14, 2012
When Mrs. HotBot was nursing she got some good advice/bras at New York's Upper Breast Side. (motto: you bring your breasts, we've got the rest)
posted by shothotbot at 1:29 PM on April 14, 2012
posted by shothotbot at 1:29 PM on April 14, 2012
I not only have a huge cup size, but a larger band size and buying a bra is pure torture. My last bra cost me 80 dollars. 80 dollars for something that hurts and leaves marks on me and I hate. If I hadn't been through so many damn surgeries already, I would have the girls reduced in a heartbeat.
posted by SuzySmith at 1:36 PM on April 14, 2012
posted by SuzySmith at 1:36 PM on April 14, 2012
OH! And oh my God, the ouchiness of a new bra that fits like it should! I refused to participate in my son's tae kwan do class--you know, the bit where parents get up and run around and do jumping jacks and other athletic, boob-pain-inducing maneuvers--because I just could not fathom the discomfort I'd be in as a result. Also because I was afraid my underwire would pop out and hit the instructor in the eye. All the other mommies got up and humored the instructor, but I sat there and said "I prefer not to" because it was easier to be Bartleby than to explain to the various parents and teachers that "NO EFFING WAY am I going to do that to my boobs. This is the first wearing of a NEW BRA. It HURTS. My girls are not going to be happy with either of us if I participate, so why don't you BACK OFF?"
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:11 PM on April 14, 2012
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:11 PM on April 14, 2012
Oh wow. I thought my urge to find the "perfect" stuffed animal to hug at night was either my only exhibited maternal instinct or some sort of awkward reckoning with my inner child. I thought that my needs of wandering into gift shops to pinch and prod their button-eyed wares was just a personal quirk. And now I see that it's a deep longing to cushion my tits.
I haven't yet found the perfect animal or pillow. It's not just size + density for me, but also has to be graded on the is-this-too-cutesy? scale if it has a face.
posted by DisreputableDog at 5:09 PM on April 14, 2012
I haven't yet found the perfect animal or pillow. It's not just size + density for me, but also has to be graded on the is-this-too-cutesy? scale if it has a face.
posted by DisreputableDog at 5:09 PM on April 14, 2012
IBTC member here sporting a 28C (like a 34A in appearance). I order my tiny backed bra's from Asian countries as my size seems to be more common in those markets. I'm a fairly tiny and slightly built person in general. I've often envied fuller busted women - at 40 yo I'm still being mistaken for a child on a regular basis. But I've been schooled by family and friends about the hardships. Besides, boobs I (almost) have scale with my body frame.
A few FB posts on my recent hunt & purchasing prompted a huge discussion. Apparently bras under $75 fit NO ONE; even my 'normal range' friends loathe bra shopping - just because there is a selection in those sizes in lower prices doesn't mean any of those will actually fit. The gaping blouse and the odd sized necklace thing happens to all of us (except my necklaces are bouncing off my unpadded bones.) And we ALL wished the men in our lives understood why we spend so much and work so hard for what seems to many of them to be an unimportant scrap of fabric.
My poor baby sister, however, is an H now in her 30s and used to be JJ before children. She's grateful for the reduction no matter how it came along. She's only about 5' tall and wearing a 36 back at the moment. (We used to tease her about her really freakishly long toes until her chest ballooned and she claimed she needed those long toes to keep upright.) My mother often makes her special occasion clothing because anything store-bought that fits the top is a tent on the rest of her.
Also, if that comic about the huge penises gets made, let me know. Boyfriend and I would probably enjoy reading it. We may even have some problem ideas to share. Such as: less sex because gf isn't up to dealing with IT tonight.
posted by _paegan_ at 5:18 PM on April 14, 2012
A few FB posts on my recent hunt & purchasing prompted a huge discussion. Apparently bras under $75 fit NO ONE; even my 'normal range' friends loathe bra shopping - just because there is a selection in those sizes in lower prices doesn't mean any of those will actually fit. The gaping blouse and the odd sized necklace thing happens to all of us (except my necklaces are bouncing off my unpadded bones.) And we ALL wished the men in our lives understood why we spend so much and work so hard for what seems to many of them to be an unimportant scrap of fabric.
My poor baby sister, however, is an H now in her 30s and used to be JJ before children. She's grateful for the reduction no matter how it came along. She's only about 5' tall and wearing a 36 back at the moment. (We used to tease her about her really freakishly long toes until her chest ballooned and she claimed she needed those long toes to keep upright.) My mother often makes her special occasion clothing because anything store-bought that fits the top is a tent on the rest of her.
Also, if that comic about the huge penises gets made, let me know. Boyfriend and I would probably enjoy reading it. We may even have some problem ideas to share. Such as: less sex because gf isn't up to dealing with IT tonight.
posted by _paegan_ at 5:18 PM on April 14, 2012
I order my tiny backed bra's from Asian countries as my size seems to be more common in those markets.
Generally it seems like all clothing sizes get shifted one level smaller in Asian countries. A friend of mine was considered hugely fat when she grew up there (she's quite beautiful and normal looking for America). The other women were always amazed that she ate a whole bowl of rice for lunch, rather than just a large spoonful.
posted by Chekhovian at 7:50 PM on April 14, 2012
Generally it seems like all clothing sizes get shifted one level smaller in Asian countries. A friend of mine was considered hugely fat when she grew up there (she's quite beautiful and normal looking for America). The other women were always amazed that she ate a whole bowl of rice for lunch, rather than just a large spoonful.
posted by Chekhovian at 7:50 PM on April 14, 2012
Not being able to find bras in your size that aren't expensive, all-covering, utilitarian affairs; blouse gaping and gapping and buttons undoing themselves/snapping off; dropping food those "built-in bra" camisoles you still have to wear a bra with, and then the elastic keeps dropping below your breasts no matter how much you tug it up and then it's cleavage city... It's like I've finally found my tribe!
Thanks for the awesome bra/clothing links, ya'll!
posted by audacity at 8:22 PM on April 14, 2012
Thanks for the awesome bra/clothing links, ya'll!
posted by audacity at 8:22 PM on April 14, 2012
bras in your size that aren't expensive, all-covering, utilitarian affairs
I read that as "Utility Bras" for some reason. Which brought to mind some pocket covered affair full of multitools and electronics. Seems like a great idea for manufacture.
posted by Chekhovian at 8:25 PM on April 14, 2012 [1 favorite]
I read that as "Utility Bras" for some reason. Which brought to mind some pocket covered affair full of multitools and electronics. Seems like a great idea for manufacture.
posted by Chekhovian at 8:25 PM on April 14, 2012 [1 favorite]
I've been lurking for, what, seven years now? (I make my wife write those "my wife says" comments when I HAVE to say something.)
But I joined tonight just to tell the women with Girls about this site: http://eshakti.com - I just found them this week, and get this: CUTE DRESSES, not very expensive, with free customization to YOUR size. (Not affiliated in any way.) My sister got a dress made, and I was highly skeptical until she tried it on for me. I ordered four, immediately. Any bust size, any waist size, any height. (Pro tip: a lot of their sleeveless dresses have an Add Sleeve option. Dude.)
Thanks for a great thread.
posted by yarnagogo at 12:03 AM on April 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
But I joined tonight just to tell the women with Girls about this site: http://eshakti.com - I just found them this week, and get this: CUTE DRESSES, not very expensive, with free customization to YOUR size. (Not affiliated in any way.) My sister got a dress made, and I was highly skeptical until she tried it on for me. I ordered four, immediately. Any bust size, any waist size, any height. (Pro tip: a lot of their sleeveless dresses have an Add Sleeve option. Dude.)
Thanks for a great thread.
posted by yarnagogo at 12:03 AM on April 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
Bravissimo has a sister brand called Pepperberry which sells clothes cut for big boobs. I've never brought anything from them, mostly because I have a job where I can get away with wearing jeans and tshirts to work, but I hadn't seen them mentioned in this thread yet.
The other week I was in M&S and they had bras in my size on sale for £8, I brought 3, and some matching knickers and some tights (which was why I was there in the first place). It all came to under £50. At the till I just wanted to tell everyone how amazing this was, how I had never paid so little for bras in my life, give them all a hug and thank them all for being there. (I didn't, I'm British after all.)
posted by Helga-woo at 3:35 AM on April 15, 2012
The other week I was in M&S and they had bras in my size on sale for £8, I brought 3, and some matching knickers and some tights (which was why I was there in the first place). It all came to under £50. At the till I just wanted to tell everyone how amazing this was, how I had never paid so little for bras in my life, give them all a hug and thank them all for being there. (I didn't, I'm British after all.)
posted by Helga-woo at 3:35 AM on April 15, 2012
Wait, I thought that 32D ... did count as reasonably big? I can't wear bras from Aerie, one of my favorite places for cute undies, unless they're 34Ds that have straps that can be pulled very tight so the bra's not falling down my chest. And still I buy them, because I really don't have the cash to spend on other ones right now. But whenever I can get Wacoal on discount, I do! My two go-to bras are from there. I also had two Calvin Klein underwire ones, but the underwire started poking out on one of them after a few years of use.
Also, last time I walked into Victoria's Secret they didn't sell 32D, and I don't wanna walk in there again even if they do. The place is completely skeevy.
The stairs bit and the no dress shirts fitting nicely definitely hit home. But I'll definitely have to try out the tip about taking shirts to the tailor's ... The trials and travails of the larger-boobed!
posted by Devika at 2:52 PM on April 15, 2012
Also, last time I walked into Victoria's Secret they didn't sell 32D, and I don't wanna walk in there again even if they do. The place is completely skeevy.
The stairs bit and the no dress shirts fitting nicely definitely hit home. But I'll definitely have to try out the tip about taking shirts to the tailor's ... The trials and travails of the larger-boobed!
posted by Devika at 2:52 PM on April 15, 2012
Oh, look, she's not sizeist - yippee, I'm free to feel busty!
posted by Devika at 2:54 PM on April 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Devika at 2:54 PM on April 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
I've had really good luck finding both pretty and functional bras in 36DDD at Lord and Taylor. They carry Wacoal, which is good, Felina, I think Chantelle ... and if you're patient and lucky sometimes you get something great for under $20.
posted by bunderful at 8:55 PM on April 15, 2012
posted by bunderful at 8:55 PM on April 15, 2012
One last little comment: My favorite fix for the food stains on the boob shelf is to carry baby wipes around. They are pretty great at getting rid of food stains, or at least minimizing them.
posted by annsunny at 6:45 AM on April 16, 2012
posted by annsunny at 6:45 AM on April 16, 2012
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And this is very recognisable, though in my case it's my gut that gets in the way.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:54 AM on April 13, 2012 [1 favorite]