Want to go out for a fart?
March 22, 2013 9:54 PM Subscribe
I'm what you would call a social farter.
A new non-smoking ad in Ontario may be ruffling a few feathers, but that just sounds like fluff to me.
A new non-smoking ad in Ontario may be ruffling a few feathers, but that just sounds like fluff to me.
I just became more social!
posted by Nanukthedog at 10:11 PM on March 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Nanukthedog at 10:11 PM on March 22, 2013 [5 favorites]
The human body, when confined, produces certain odors which we tend to forget in this age of deodorants and other perversions. Actually, I find the atmosphere of this room rather comforting. Schiller needed the scent of apples rotting in his desk in order to write. I, too, have my needs. You may remember that Mark Twain preferred to lie supinely in bed while composing those rather dated and boring efforts which contemporary scholars try to prove meaningful. Veneration of Mark Twain is one of the roots of our current intellectual stalemate.
posted by Brocktoon at 10:12 PM on March 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Brocktoon at 10:12 PM on March 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
Steve Martin told this joke first.
posted by Apropos of Something at 10:16 PM on March 22, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by Apropos of Something at 10:16 PM on March 22, 2013 [8 favorites]
I've tried to quit farting a few times. It's extremely painful.
posted by loquacious at 10:16 PM on March 22, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by loquacious at 10:16 PM on March 22, 2013 [10 favorites]
I saw the social nibbler version of this ad in a packed theatre a few weeks ago. I think it's more effective and less of a stretch, metaphorically speaking. The audience seemed really into it.
posted by looli at 10:21 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by looli at 10:21 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON FARTS
posted by XMLicious at 10:27 PM on March 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by XMLicious at 10:27 PM on March 22, 2013 [4 favorites]
This could only have been dreamed up in Ontario.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:58 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by KokuRyu at 10:58 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]
Truth in (Canadian) advertising
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:36 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:36 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]
Seriously though, farts are hilarious.
posted by sacrifix at 11:58 PM on March 22, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by sacrifix at 11:58 PM on March 22, 2013 [6 favorites]
Bette Middler did this in her routine. Her schtick was on the old "Do you mind if I smoke?" thing. She'd say, "Do you mind if I fart?" Only of course, fart was more like "faaart", the way she said it.
posted by Goofyy at 12:16 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Goofyy at 12:16 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Imagine if there were fart detectors on airplanes, or no-farting indicator lights up next to the booze button.
posted by XMLicious at 12:23 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by XMLicious at 12:23 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
The Fart holds the golden crown of classic humor
and has held it for thousands of years.
It mocks what comes out of the top half of the human.
No one clears their throat as honestly as a fart.
It tells no lies and humbles the most arrogant pontiff.
posted by quazichimp at 12:29 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
and has held it for thousands of years.
It mocks what comes out of the top half of the human.
No one clears their throat as honestly as a fart.
It tells no lies and humbles the most arrogant pontiff.
posted by quazichimp at 12:29 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
God the worst farts I've ever had in my life I got in Ethiopia. It was five weeks of pretty much non stop flatulence. I also started smoking again...don't worry I've since quit again. I don't know where I was going with that other than to say that shiro and goat tibbs will make even the most regular guy a ticking time bomb.
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 12:35 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 12:35 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
Farting in bed kills!
posted by blue_beetle at 1:43 AM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by blue_beetle at 1:43 AM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
Overthinking a plate of magical fruit.
posted by chavenet at 2:20 AM on March 23, 2013 [17 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 2:20 AM on March 23, 2013 [17 favorites]
Isn't this more about the smoking than the farting? As someone who does both, I really like this promo. There's nothing worse than social smokers. "Yeah, I don't smoke, but can I have about 10 cigarettes over the course of the evening?". In a country where a pack costs over $20, if you have 2 or 3 "social smokers" hanging around, it an get expensive! Pay for your own cancer!
posted by Diag at 3:15 AM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Diag at 3:15 AM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
Overthinking a plate of magical fruit.
Yeah, THAT earworm isn't going away soon! Thanks a LOT!
posted by HuronBob at 3:16 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah, THAT earworm isn't going away soon! Thanks a LOT!
posted by HuronBob at 3:16 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Overthinking a plate of magical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot (r=0.87, p=0.05)
posted by aubilenon at 3:28 AM on March 23, 2013 [8 favorites]
The more you eat, the more you toot (r=0.87, p=0.05)
posted by aubilenon at 3:28 AM on March 23, 2013 [8 favorites]
Seriously though, farts are hilarious.
According to a BBC report, the oldest recorded joke is about farting.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:08 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
According to a BBC report, the oldest recorded joke is about farting.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:08 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Seriously though, farts are hilarious.
Not to mention smoking is so much grosser to some of us. If I'm stuck in a small room with somebody who has bad gas, it's annoying in a "Man, that is pungent and you are probably embarrassed as hell-hahaha, oh God, I'm sorry for your colon" way, whereas if I pass through someone's cloud of tobacco smoke on the street--much less being in an enclosed space with it--I want to punch that asshole in his fucking face.
Seriously, anti-smoking-in-bars laws have been manna from heaven for my kind, and whenever I find myself somewhere that doesn't have them, I feel a quick uncertainty about whether I've stepped into a horror-movie time machine.
posted by psoas at 4:48 AM on March 23, 2013 [5 favorites]
Not to mention smoking is so much grosser to some of us. If I'm stuck in a small room with somebody who has bad gas, it's annoying in a "Man, that is pungent and you are probably embarrassed as hell-hahaha, oh God, I'm sorry for your colon" way, whereas if I pass through someone's cloud of tobacco smoke on the street--much less being in an enclosed space with it--I want to punch that asshole in his fucking face.
Seriously, anti-smoking-in-bars laws have been manna from heaven for my kind, and whenever I find myself somewhere that doesn't have them, I feel a quick uncertainty about whether I've stepped into a horror-movie time machine.
posted by psoas at 4:48 AM on March 23, 2013 [5 favorites]
Farting can easily lead to sharting, so don't ever start, kids.
posted by orme at 5:23 AM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by orme at 5:23 AM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
Also it's good to remember that farts are really air-poops and that you are ingesting those when you smell it.
posted by gomichild at 5:28 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by gomichild at 5:28 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
aubilenon: "r=0.87, p=0.05"
How To Fart With Statistics; A Beancounter's Bible
posted by chavenet at 5:40 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
How To Fart With Statistics; A Beancounter's Bible
posted by chavenet at 5:40 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
It mocks what comes out of the top half of the human.
No one clears their throat as honestly as a fart.
It tells no lies and humbles the most arrogant pontiff.
If you have not yet done so, you need to see this.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:09 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
No one clears their throat as honestly as a fart.
It tells no lies and humbles the most arrogant pontiff.
If you have not yet done so, you need to see this.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:09 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, crap - it's a minute and 47 seconds into that link. It's from when Robin Williams was on Inside the Actors Studio and his answer to "what sound or noise do you love" is that a fart noise is - because it's humanizing, and universally funny. (He also does a great riff on the Pope farting, and how the other priests might react.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:12 AM on March 23, 2013
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:12 AM on March 23, 2013
Ok, I'm ready to quit. Does anyone have any experience with the fart patch? I've heard the fart gum tastes terrible.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:00 AM on March 23, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:00 AM on March 23, 2013 [7 favorites]
The following users missed an opportunity:
artsyfartsy
clownpenis.fart
ethelfarts (Ethel Farts)
fartknocker
fartron
grouchyoldfart (ronald)
Jeff Mangum's Penny-farthing
Mickey McFartzenshitz (Dave Stites)
squidfartz (TS Hart)
posted by Fizz at 7:27 AM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
artsyfartsy
clownpenis.fart
ethelfarts (Ethel Farts)
fartknocker
fartron
grouchyoldfart (ronald)
Jeff Mangum's Penny-farthing
Mickey McFartzenshitz (Dave Stites)
squidfartz (TS Hart)
posted by Fizz at 7:27 AM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
Farts aren't funny to people who suffer IBS. Smellier and also likely to including Very. Unpleasant surprises.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 7:35 AM on March 23, 2013
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 7:35 AM on March 23, 2013
Won't someone think of the farters?
/farter
posted by lordaych at 8:08 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
/farter
posted by lordaych at 8:08 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'd sooner live with farters than smokers. With smokers, I usually find myself cleaning up their butts. Mercifully, I've never yet had to do this for a farter.
posted by pont at 8:43 AM on March 23, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by pont at 8:43 AM on March 23, 2013 [9 favorites]
Mercifully, I've never yet had to do this for a farter.
1. shart ~ a small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart (blend of "shit" and "fart")
example: I sharted at the party last night and went home pronto to change my clothes.
posted by Fizz at 8:54 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
1. shart ~ a small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart (blend of "shit" and "fart")
example: I sharted at the party last night and went home pronto to change my clothes.
posted by Fizz at 8:54 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
A good strong fart reminds me of old growth forest. It brings a little bit of the wild to the city.
posted by srboisvert at 9:46 AM on March 23, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 9:46 AM on March 23, 2013 [4 favorites]
Oh god we do not need the flame war about how "fart breaks" aren't fair to non-farters who don't get similar breaks.
posted by Pronoiac at 10:38 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Pronoiac at 10:38 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]
Meanwhile, in New York: Bloomberg’s Plan Would Make Stores Conceal Farts
posted by homunculus at 11:47 AM on March 23, 2013
posted by homunculus at 11:47 AM on March 23, 2013
"Tonight on NPR: New uses for old twine; Henry Winkler visits the Museum of Tolerance; and one man's crusade to eliminate the diatonic scale. But first, here's Diane Rehm with 'Fart Party'."
"Hello... I'm Diane Rehm..." (LOUD FARTING NOISES FOR TWO HOURS)
And that's why I don't give money to public radio. Because nothing they actually air is as good as the version in my imagination.
posted by Kibo at 2:49 PM on March 23, 2013 [4 favorites]
"Hello... I'm Diane Rehm..." (LOUD FARTING NOISES FOR TWO HOURS)
And that's why I don't give money to public radio. Because nothing they actually air is as good as the version in my imagination.
posted by Kibo at 2:49 PM on March 23, 2013 [4 favorites]
Relationships are best measured by farting.
She describes several stages: Stage one “is the conspiracy of silence,” she explains. “This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste.” Much further along there is “the fart honeymoon, where both parties find each other’s gas just the cutest thing in the world.” But, as she warns, “no honeymoon can last forever,” and soon comes “the critical fork in the fart”: “either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass, thereby signifying true love, or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby signifying everything that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved.”
My spouse and I must be truly in love.
posted by leftcoastbob at 6:16 PM on March 23, 2013
She describes several stages: Stage one “is the conspiracy of silence,” she explains. “This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste.” Much further along there is “the fart honeymoon, where both parties find each other’s gas just the cutest thing in the world.” But, as she warns, “no honeymoon can last forever,” and soon comes “the critical fork in the fart”: “either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass, thereby signifying true love, or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby signifying everything that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved.”
My spouse and I must be truly in love.
posted by leftcoastbob at 6:16 PM on March 23, 2013
My spouse and I must be truly in love.
You've reached a certain point in a marriage when one partner lets rip with a paint-peeling thunderous detonation from the nether regions that would frighten a T-Rex, and the other partner merely raises an eyebrow (slightly singed) and starts singing "76 Trombones".
posted by ninazer0 at 7:58 PM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
You've reached a certain point in a marriage when one partner lets rip with a paint-peeling thunderous detonation from the nether regions that would frighten a T-Rex, and the other partner merely raises an eyebrow (slightly singed) and starts singing "76 Trombones".
posted by ninazer0 at 7:58 PM on March 23, 2013 [3 favorites]
Not as erudite as leftcoastbob's delightful link, but it's something.
I am not proud.
posted by mistersquid at 8:52 PM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
I am not proud.
posted by mistersquid at 8:52 PM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]
My aunt once told me that for the first 20 years of her marriage, she never farted in front of her husband (who found it disgusting for women to fart). Blew my mind. How do you live like that?
posted by amusebuche at 9:46 PM on March 23, 2013
posted by amusebuche at 9:46 PM on March 23, 2013
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I've seen pants catching fire before.
posted by gomichild at 10:08 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]