No one will ever believe you

April 12, 2013 6:28 AM

Bill Murray Stories
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies (35 comments total)

Apparently they aren't all apocryphal.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:29 AM on April 12, 2013 [6 favorites]

I don't know, all of those stories sound believable... Bill seems like a really nice guy with a quirky sense of humor.

Now, if these stories were about how they found Bill in their back yard at 2am, digging a hole several feet deep, naked as a jay-bird with obscenities written all over his body in sharpie - those are stories I would have a hard time believing.

(fun post, thanks!).
posted by el io at 6:43 AM on April 12, 2013

Agreed. Bill wouldn't use a Sharpie, he'd use fingerpaints.
posted by delfin at 6:52 AM on April 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

Hee hee! "Crazy Eskimo girl!"

Thanks for the laughs today!
posted by jillithd at 6:55 AM on April 12, 2013

There was that time he bartended at SXSW.
posted by griphus at 7:01 AM on April 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

This gives me bizarre hope that maybe Bill Murray will show up at my cupcake kiosk here in Quebec. Why would he be in Quebec? Who knows???
posted by Kitteh at 7:04 AM on April 12, 2013 [2 favorites]

Don't y'all have that giant comedy festival?
posted by griphus at 7:04 AM on April 12, 2013

We should start a thing where if you meet Bill Murray, you punch him in the face as you yell "I didn't order tequila, you bastard"
posted by thelonius at 7:07 AM on April 12, 2013

BILL MURRAY
[Coughs] Doc, what could I do for this cough?
RZA
Shit, I was just thinking about that. Check this out: you get some hydrogen peroxide...
BILL MURRAY
We got that for cuts and stuff.
RZA
...take fifty percent hydrogen peroxide, fifty percent water. You gargle with it. Do *not* swallow. You spit it out. Don't swallow, Bill Murray.
GZA
And if that doesn't work, try oven cleaner.
BILL MURRAY
We got that in the back, too.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:09 AM on April 12, 2013 [4 favorites]

Yeah, I worry that if I ran into him the only thing I would be able to say is, "Are you a bug, Bill Murray?"
posted by komara at 7:12 AM on April 12, 2013

I think the first half of Stripes was my favorite movie in high school.
posted by griphus at 7:13 AM on April 12, 2013 [4 favorites]

In all seriousness I would love some day to sneak up behind Bill Murray and cover his eyes and then say 'No one will ever believe you.'
posted by shakespeherian at 7:13 AM on April 12, 2013 [2 favorites]

There was that time they let him color commentate a Cubs-Expos game.

"Vance Law - he's overrated, he's at second base. Tom Foley...shouldn't even be playing; he's at short stop. Herman Winningham. What, you're gonna be afraid of a guy named Herman Winningham? We'll just throw it right down the plate when he's up."
posted by Iridic at 7:29 AM on April 12, 2013 [7 favorites]

I could have sworn we already had a thread just like this.
posted by Sleeper at 7:35 AM on April 12, 2013

My old philosophy prof recently ran into Bill Murray at the airport. I was so jealous!

I wanna hang out with my old philosophy prof!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:35 AM on April 12, 2013 [3 favorites]

Bill Murray, why did you eat my fries?
I bought them, and they were mine.
But you ate them, yeah, you ate my fries...
And I cried, but you didn't see me cry.

Bill Murray,
Do you even love me?
Well, I wish you'd show it,
'Cause I wouldn't know it.

What kind of man eats a stranger's fries,
And doesn't look them in the eyes?
Bill Murray, there were tears there.
If you saw them would you even care?
posted by Phssthpok at 7:37 AM on April 12, 2013 [4 favorites]

>I could have sworn we already had a thread just like this.

No one will ever believe you.
posted by anti social order at 7:45 AM on April 12, 2013 [4 favorites]

Remember when Bill Murray pulled that old lady from the crowd at Pebble Beach and danced with her? And she ended up falling into a sand trap?

My grandmother, ladies and gentlemen.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:45 AM on April 12, 2013 [9 favorites]

“Oh my god, Bill Murray!” she exclaimed. “Can I have a hug?”

“Not while he’s here,” he responded in his classic deadpan tone, gesturing at me. “Look at the guns on him.” It should be noted that I am somewhat of a smaller fellow, and was even more scrawny back then.

Like the man said, if it ain't true, it oughta be.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:46 AM on April 12, 2013

I had a friend who actually sort-of has Bill Murray stories, but they're verifiable - she was the stage manager when Bill was in the original stage production of The Guys with Sigourney Weaver.

Unfortunately, the only one I remember right now was more of a wardrobe comment - apparently the orange camo-print t-shirt he wore in Lost In Translation was one of his own shirts.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:47 AM on April 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

I heard that the panties that Scarlett Johansson famously wore in Lost In Translation were also Bill Murray's. That's why in the final scene he whispers in her ear, "Hey, can I get those panties back, now? These pants are really chafing."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:55 AM on April 12, 2013 [4 favorites]

Oh oh I have a Bill Murray story!

So I was working on the animation for a film, many many years ago, for a studio that shall be unnamed-- a studio that was being dismantled under our feet as we worked, and were all being laid off as soon as we finished our last shot. One of the production people at the set thought it would be nice to send some video greetings from the Famous People at the live-action shoot back to us. Everyone was just like, 'Great job!' or whatever, but Murray started shouting, 'I hear your studios shutting down! Steal everything! Steal the ergonomic chairs! Steal the fax machines! Clean 'em out!'

I took several boxes of valuable pencils. I confess!! Bill Murray told me to!
posted by Erasmouse at 8:03 AM on April 12, 2013 [18 favorites]

The man's mystique knows no bounds. I love these stories.

Speaking of meeting celebrities, I've always fantasized about running into Laurence Fishburne and greeting him with a very sincere "I've always admired your work as Cowboy Curtis!"
posted by kinnakeet at 8:07 AM on April 12, 2013 [5 favorites]

No, no. The correct line is "Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you. But I just have to tell you: I love your voice."
posted by Madamina at 8:10 AM on April 12, 2013 [3 favorites]

Bill Murray is an alumnus where I went to college. Occasionally, the president would ask him to attend fundraisers and he'd show up and we'd all bask in his presence. And then the event would end and people would disperse.

Some of us would RUN, not walk, to the local college dive bar. And then he'd show up, buy everybody rounds and drink us all under the table. He'd arrive at 5:30 or 6, hang out and then close out the bar.
posted by boo_radley at 8:13 AM on April 12, 2013 [7 favorites]

Basically Bill Murray Best Murray, is what I'm saying.
posted by boo_radley at 8:13 AM on April 12, 2013 [2 favorites]

As part of her AVClub interview last October, actress Kelly Lynch mentioned this while discussing her role in Road House:

Kelly Lynch: ... by the way, speaking of Bill Murray, every time Road House is on and he or one of his idiot brothers are watching TV—and they’re always watching TV—one of them calls my husband and says [In a reasonable approximation of Carl Spackler], “Kelly’s having sex with Patrick Swayze right now. They’re doing it. He’s throwing her against the rocks.” [Away from the receiver.] What? Oh, my God. Mitch was just walking out the door to the set, and he said that Bill once called him from Russia.

AVClub: Sorry, not to dwell on this, but you said that Bill Murray “or one of his idiot brothers” will call. Which brothers are we talking about?

Kelly Lynch: All of them! Joel has called; Brian Doyle has called. They will all call! Any and all of them!
posted by Auden at 8:13 AM on April 12, 2013 [11 favorites]

I would add to this site, but the story is a little depressing. I have a friend that lives in Charleston, in fact, he lived next door to Bill Murray. This was after his divorce and he lived in a high end development. My friend used to tell me that he would never leave his house, he never have his shades up or even use the backyard. It was only on garbage day that you would see him pulling the garbage cans from the garage to the curb and back again the next morning. Other than that he was never seen.
posted by brinkzilla at 8:36 AM on April 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

Bill Murray's Idiot Brothers is totally the name of my new art collective.
posted by The Whelk at 8:42 AM on April 12, 2013 [2 favorites]

This gives me bizarre hope that maybe Bill Murray will show up at my cupcake kiosk here in Quebec.

I'd like to think he will. I'd like to think that he will casually drop into each and every one of our lives, say something charming but a bit off then drift away. He walks the earth.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:34 AM on April 12, 2013 [6 favorites]

I'd like to think that he will casually drop into each and every one of our lives, say something charming but a bit off then drift away. He walks the earth.

You have no idea how badly I want this to be true.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:24 AM on April 12, 2013 [3 favorites]

There's a tiny piano lounge around the corner from me where Murray's been known to drop in. There are evenings when I'm out for a walk, and I pass the lounge's little niche on the State Street Parkway, and I get a little prickling in the roots of my neck hairs. I know he's there.

I never go in when I have these intuitions. If there's any moral to these stories, it's that Murray is not to be sought. He will find you, and at a place of his choosing.
posted by Iridic at 11:39 AM on April 12, 2013 [11 favorites]

Remember the old Banana Republic? The one that was like the company that Elaine worked at in Seinfeld, with the quirky catalogs and unique, decent-quality clothing at least supposedly from around the world? So there was (is? seems to be gone) a store on around 77th and Broadway, long before they were in malls everywhere, and being familiar with the catalog I stop in to see if I can get any clearance bargains. While I'm browsing, Murray walks in. He's definitely wandering around New York in downscale mode; his hair's a mess, his clothes are a few steps above homeless. After a moment of silence and collective recognition, the day manager springs into action and starts playing personal shopper, but Murray appears to be in a complete daze, perhaps chemically induced in some way. (I think this was a Sunday afternoon.) The two of them move sort of randomly about the store as Murray is able to indicate interest in things but is also clearly not motivated to, y'know, shop as such. The dramatic climax, in a sense, was Murray picking at this ladies' jumpsuit billed as an airplane "flight suit" of exceptional comfort, an item they featured in their catalog many times, but the manager type had to hastily dissuade him from it without actually pointing out that it was only for women. Around this time I hit my budget and checked out, so I don't know if he eventually bought anything or not, but it was definitely the oddest celebrity encounter out of the very few I've had.

(Later, completely unrelatedly, the shopping bag that I brought with me on my trip uptown as I stopped at the apartment of friends was inadvertently tossed into the incinerator with some other trash in bags ... so I don't even have a souvenir of the day. I did, however, get two stories from one day....)
posted by dhartung at 6:33 PM on April 12, 2013 [1 favorite]

(Interesting how all of a sudden this link found itself on dooce's weekly roundup. Hi Heather! *waves*)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:17 PM on April 13, 2013

Well, okay. I’m just gonna say it. There’s a scene at the end of the movie when George Clooney’s character, myself, my cousin and the opossum, Kylie, are all on a little motorcycle driving back to our home. And we’ve just rescued my cousin. And we stop and we see a wolf on a distant hill, and it’s a really beautiful, beautiful scene. It’s like so heart-warming because it’s just a beautiful moment between these foxes and little animals and this really like mysterious wolf who we’ve heard about the entire movie and who doesn’t talk in this scene and he’s not wearing clothes. He’s kind of, he represents I guess, the wild. He’s a wild wolf and animal, and it’s a beautiful moment where they have this great connection, and in that moment, it really like to me the point of that scene is let’s keep on being free. Let’s keep on being animals. And it’s such an uplifting moment, and like when I’ve seen it with audiences, a bunch of people break into huge cheers and hooting. It’s such an awesome, awesome scene. It really just blows my mind.

And actually, when we did the movie, you know, we did the movie basically live together as a cast. We didn’t do the scenes, none of us really did it separately in recording booths, which is how typical animated movies are done. This one, Wes Andersen had us literally go and move onto a farm together and we all lived together. And we’d wake up in the morning, have breakfast and then if there was a scene, for instance, that took place underneath a tree, George Clooney and Bill Murray, everyone, would walk over to the tree that we’d find, we’d take our scripts out and we’d just start acting out the scenes. And it was basically like doing a movie just with no cameras. So there were actors, the director, Wes, and a sound man. And we were running around, growling and hooting and hollering, and if we had to eat a bunch of food like in the movie we always are eating like French toast or biscuits, we would literally be eating French toast and biscuits and toast, I mean it was so much fun.

Anyways, one day when we were doing this particular scene with this wolf, we were all about to shoot it and then Wes said, you know we should really get someone to play the wolf so that the guys have someone to act opposite, and we looked around and Bill Murray was standing there with his hands in his pockets. He took his hands out and said, “I can be the wolf.” And Bill Murray just took off running, or I guess trotting. And he ran, ran, ran, ran really far away until he was tiny. And he turned around and actually became the wolf, like he, it’s almost as if he embodied the wolf. And he acted it out for us, and it was so inspiring and so beautiful. And Wes actually took out his camera phone, filmed it, and then sent that footage to the animators to base the wolf off of Bill Murray, so Bill Murray is the uncredited wolf in this movie. And he actually, it was so good, it was as if he practiced it. I mean, it was incredible, his wolf performance. So, I think because of what the scene means, what it represents in the movie and the great warm message that it has in the scene, plus knowing the behind the scenes, what went into that scene, I think that’s my favorite scene in the movie.

- Jason Schwartzman on The Fantastic Mr. Fox
posted by gwint at 6:07 PM on April 13, 2013 [7 favorites]