The Swants Dance

November 15, 2013 8:14 AM

Once upon a time, on a now defunct site called Regretsy, there was a post about an Etsy-listed pair of "skants", priced at a mere $758(USD). Much mockery ensued, and skants became a meme of sorts, with Regretsy readers sending site owner April Winchell their own skants pictures. And now knitwear designer Stephen West has taken up the skants gauntlet by bringing us the next evolution in skants: swants. He's posted a tutorial on how to make your own swants, and a video of the Swants Dance. Swants promise to be bigger than skants ever were. Since Stephen West posted his tutorial on November 4, swants have appeared on The Today Show, on Boing Boing, and on Cosmopolitan's blog, as well as on a number of other blogs and news sites. Will you be doing the Swants Dance?
posted by orange swan (49 comments total)

Of course the song used in the video is a Björk song (albeit with the Dirty Projectors). I don't know why I would have expected anything else.
posted by mr. manager at 8:25 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

They do look rather fun. Wouldn't you want to keep the neck hole as an emergency exit though?
posted by arcticseal at 8:26 AM on November 15, 2013

They should have used 'Everybody Swants Some.'
posted by mintcake! at 8:26 AM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

I loved your blog post about this, too. "I just made pants out of a sweater, so now I must pose in a jaunty fashion!"
posted by jillithd at 8:26 AM on November 15, 2013

Ohhh, Stephen West. What will we do with you?

If you have some knitting or sewing ability, you could cut up a sweater and turn it into a pair of legwarmers and a cowl/circular scarf. Cute without being overly wacky, and you avoid overheating your crotch.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:28 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

(The updated 'swants' versions are actually super damn cool looking. I'd wear those swants.)
posted by mintcake! at 8:28 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

someone post one of the gifs where some dudes dress like monsters by wearing their sweatshirts on their legs and chase a cat or something

thx
posted by mullacc at 8:34 AM on November 15, 2013

Nope.
posted by Kitteh at 8:34 AM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

This was my one hundredth FPP. I figured I'd make it count.
posted by orange swan at 8:36 AM on November 15, 2013 [21 favorites]

ok
posted by elizardbits at 8:36 AM on November 15, 2013 [24 favorites]

I guess they don't sew up the neck hole: my network blocked cosmopolitan.com for being in the category "Nudity."
posted by wenestvedt at 8:38 AM on November 15, 2013

ok

LOVE YOU.

(Happy 100th, orange swan(t).)
posted by mintcake! at 8:40 AM on November 15, 2013

I was imagining this would end up with more buttflap.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 8:41 AM on November 15, 2013

MetaFilter: I was imagining this would...

No, I just can't do it.
posted by Curious Artificer at 8:45 AM on November 15, 2013 [4 favorites]

elizardbits, you are like my Personal Jesus, except on the internet and without a beard.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:46 AM on November 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

No, I just can't do it.

Look, "MetaFilter:" requires steely determination!
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:46 AM on November 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

I would also like to add that I have no idea if elizardbits has a beard or not, and I would not judge either way, because I am pretty sure elizardbits could destroy me with a rain of firey gifs at any time.

I also apologize for briefly spelling the name "elixardbits," which sounds like something you would get after a boss battle in a Final Fantasy game. It would heal you up to maximum internet power.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:49 AM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

elizardbits, you are like my Personal Jesus

REACH OUT TOUCH BITS
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:58 AM on November 15, 2013 [16 favorites]

Who knew that the homeless junkie that hung out by the McDonald's on Hemphill, near GaTech was actually a fashion visionary. Good for you, Crazy Mike.
posted by dudemanlives at 9:09 AM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

If you do actual cutting and sewing on your sweater to make it into a pair of pants that actually fits properly, isn't it just a pair of knit pants? In other words, leggings or ski pants?
posted by yoink at 9:12 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

DO NOT SWANT.
posted by eriko at 9:13 AM on November 15, 2013 [16 favorites]

After I learned how to crochet, the first thing I crocheted was a pair of pants made out of the heavy white yarn they use for baby blankets. It seemed like the most obvious choice for a woolen garment in the world. I was ruthlessly mocked for my yarn pants and society forbade me wear them outside the house, and inside only with the shades drawn. I envy these swants-bedecked children their obvious happiness - apparently society has changed and they can enjoy some measure of acceptance. Also I am wearing yarn pants right now.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:14 AM on November 15, 2013 [7 favorites]

I still miss The Good, The Bad, and The Etsy which was similar to (and preceded) Regretsy but was in my opinion funnier and more good-natured. It's such a shame that angry Etsiers made the author shut it down by harassing and fat-shaming her into submission, and I'll never really look at Etsy the same way again after that.

I wish she (the author of TGTBTE) had felt able to stand up to the pressure but of course nobody is obligated to put up with that kind of shit. I hope she's doing well, wherever she is.
posted by Scientist at 9:17 AM on November 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

You know, the swants actually don't look half bad. If you can't sew, you can get the same effect by sitting in a big puddle of '80s.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:19 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

When one takes a sweater or shirt, turns it upside down and wears it as pants. Legs go through the arm holes. Sewing up the neck hole is optional.

I'll bet one of those macrame plant holders would make a pretty sweet thong.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:22 AM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

Metafilter: Wouldn't you want to keep the neck hole as an emergency exit though?

Metafilter: Cute without being overly wacky, and you avoid overheating your crotch.

Metafilter: Who knew that the homeless junkie that hung out by the McDonald's on Hemphill, near GaTech was actually a fashion visionary.

Bring it. I'll steely resolve your ass into next year.



Metafilter: I'll steely resolve your ass into next year.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 9:31 AM on November 15, 2013 [3 favorites]

I wish Regretsy would never end. I wish Regretsy could comment on these things.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:33 AM on November 15, 2013

I still miss The Good, The Bad, and The Etsy.... I wish she (the author of TGTBTE) had felt able to stand up to the pressure but of course nobody is obligated to put up with that kind of shit. I hope she's doing well, wherever she is.

Scientist, The Good, the Bad, and the Etsy was authored by MeFi's Own Jacquilynne, and you'll be happy to know she's doing fine. There was a MetaTalk post about the demise of the site that makes for a meaty read.
posted by orange swan at 9:39 AM on November 15, 2013 [5 favorites]

I'm so glad Urban Dictionary is around to help me decode the otherwise indecipherable vagaries of modern youth culture.

No, really, I am. Otherwise I'd be googling this for an hour.
posted by slogger at 10:21 AM on November 15, 2013

*googles rule 34 skants*
posted by slogger at 10:26 AM on November 15, 2013

You will just have to imagine the hilarity of two teenaged girls wearing sweaters as unitards that happened at my house this weekend (because I'm pretty sure my kid doesn't want me to share the photo any further than I already have.)

I have to say though that if your "swants" or "skants" are form fitting on your bottom, that's just a pair of footless tights. (although they do look nice a cozy.)
posted by vespabelle at 10:50 AM on November 15, 2013

Who would have thought that the guy with the 130lb scrotum would have been so far ahead of his time.?

Scrotum.
posted by dr_dank at 11:09 AM on November 15, 2013

Some people have:
(a) Too much time on their hands
(b) Way too much time on their hands
(c) All of the above
posted by Fists O'Fury at 11:23 AM on November 15, 2013

I'm twerkin' in my swants
just twerkin' in my swants
what a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again.
posted by islander at 12:03 PM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

I'm happy again swarming with ants.

Seriously, people. Have you no respect for poetic tradition?
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 12:06 PM on November 15, 2013 [6 favorites]

she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swants song can last

also, I want a pair. sort of.
posted by bilabial at 12:23 PM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Oh shit wait is it /swɑːnts/ or /swænts/?
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 12:25 PM on November 15, 2013

Sweater. Pants. Sweaterpants. /swænts/.
posted by clavicle at 12:33 PM on November 15, 2013

It rhymes with aunts.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:33 PM on November 15, 2013 [8 favorites]

I see what you did there.
posted by clavicle at 12:49 PM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Nothing new under the sun: At grade school age, neighbor girl had un-envied sweater-knit pants made by her grandmother. Everyone else had snow pants.
posted by Cranberry at 1:19 PM on November 15, 2013

I want these. Even more than I want swants. And if I made these they'd probably turn out better. But I'm still working on a queen size blanket in sock yarn. So....pants in sock yarn are not on my knitting docket.
posted by bilabial at 1:30 PM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]

I would wear this. As a matter of fact, if I can find a sweater I like down at Goodwill that will fit my fat ass, I am totally going to do this and take a picture of myself squatting in them.
posted by Foam Pants at 3:38 PM on November 15, 2013

At least they aren't Jeggings.
posted by dangerousdan at 4:05 PM on November 15, 2013

Tants!
posted by chrisgregory at 5:32 PM on November 15, 2013

[wonders if she should make herself a pair of orange swants]
posted by orange swan at 6:20 PM on November 15, 2013 [7 favorites]

orange swan: "[wonders if she should make herself a pair of orange swants]"

There is no wonder, there is only do. And posting photos afterwards.
posted by Samizdata at 7:16 PM on November 15, 2013

I really think that cutting and sewing the neckhole out of existence goes against the natural order of skants. These look too sane and practical. Without that big gaping hole down there (now, now, I'm talking about the garment here) it's just not funny enough.
posted by Fnarf at 7:28 PM on November 15, 2013 [2 favorites]

Thanks, swants.

Thwants.
posted by But tomorrow is another day... at 4:22 AM on November 16, 2013 [2 favorites]