I could not find a DVD player to play it
January 7, 2014 9:09 AM Subscribe
To be fair, Ferris Bueller's Day Off is Part 2 of John Hughes' unofficial "Ghastly Homage to Capitalism" trilogy.
posted by Bromius at 9:20 AM on January 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by Bromius at 9:20 AM on January 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
After a visit to the dentist earlier today this really manages to tickle my funnies right now.
Thanks!
posted by bigendian at 9:24 AM on January 7, 2014
Thanks!
posted by bigendian at 9:24 AM on January 7, 2014
Is this blog trying to portray the Home Alone quotes as anything but accurate?
posted by darksasami at 9:26 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by darksasami at 9:26 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
An irregular feature on the WITS podcast -- possibly unique to frequent guest Paul F. Tompkins -- is Amazon One Star Reviews, dramatic readings of one-star reviews of what are generally considered classic works of literature, film or music, on Amazon.
It is the best part of the WITS podcast.
posted by Shepherd at 9:28 AM on January 7, 2014 [7 favorites]
It is the best part of the WITS podcast.
posted by Shepherd at 9:28 AM on January 7, 2014 [7 favorites]
Jewish Supremacist Global Zionist Garbage is a Netflix category I'd pay a premium to access.
posted by griphus at 9:29 AM on January 7, 2014 [25 favorites]
posted by griphus at 9:29 AM on January 7, 2014 [25 favorites]
Re: Inglorious Basterds:
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 9:29 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Jewish supremacist, global Zionist garbage.My WTFMeter is now broken, thanks.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 9:29 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Metafilter: It is basically a porno with a small storyline.
posted by drezdn at 9:30 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by drezdn at 9:30 AM on January 7, 2014
To be fair, I was kind of expecting more driving too.
posted by fullerine at 9:30 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by fullerine at 9:30 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
Is this blog trying to portray the Home Alone quotes as anything but accurate?
Well, I probably wouldn't call Kevin " a little bitch", but...
posted by Artw at 9:31 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Well, I probably wouldn't call Kevin " a little bitch", but...
posted by Artw at 9:31 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
An irregular feature on the WITS podcast -- possibly unique to frequent guest Paul F. Tompkins -- is Amazon One Star Reviews, dramatic readings of one-star reviews of what are generally considered classic works of literature, film or music, on Amazon.
From the other end the Amazon 5 star reviews are a pretty fun part of How Did this Get Made as well.
posted by Artw at 9:32 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
From the other end the Amazon 5 star reviews are a pretty fun part of How Did this Get Made as well.
posted by Artw at 9:32 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
Here's the real glimpse of the future of film: "Best bits already on Youtube...enjoy."
"Have you ever seen STALKER?"
"Oh yeah, I saw the good bits on Youtube."
posted by straight at 9:35 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
"Have you ever seen STALKER?"
"Oh yeah, I saw the good bits on Youtube."
posted by straight at 9:35 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
I kind of like bevets' review of Planet of the Apes, though.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:36 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:36 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
"schindler's list - It's not funny at all"
is it wrong to laugh a lot at that? 'cuz i don't wanna be right.
posted by chasles at 9:38 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
is it wrong to laugh a lot at that? 'cuz i don't wanna be right.
posted by chasles at 9:38 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
I was in the queue to go into Gravity last month and heard this from a customer in front: "The Blind Side is amazing...you have to see it. There's Sandra Bullock and this guy who's really good at baseball, and she adopts him...and he's blind."
posted by biffa at 9:38 AM on January 7, 2014 [19 favorites]
posted by biffa at 9:38 AM on January 7, 2014 [19 favorites]
and she adopts him...and he's blind
"But only on one side."
posted by yoink at 9:43 AM on January 7, 2014 [19 favorites]
"But only on one side."
posted by yoink at 9:43 AM on January 7, 2014 [19 favorites]
I'm reminded of when my mom and grandmother went to see Interview With The Vampire "because everyone's talking about it" but wound up walking out in disgust "because they were drinking all that blood and it was SO GROSS!"
They couldn't tell me exactly what they expected from a vampire movie that wouldn't have involved drinking blood.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:46 AM on January 7, 2014 [15 favorites]
They couldn't tell me exactly what they expected from a vampire movie that wouldn't have involved drinking blood.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:46 AM on January 7, 2014 [15 favorites]
The Blind Side is amazing...you have to see it. There's Sandra Bullock and this guy who's really good at baseball, and she adopts him...and he's blind.
The best part of this movie was how they refused to define the character by his blindness. They just hardly even touched on it at all; like, okay, he's blind, but it's not a disability, it's not a plot element, it's just a part of him that everyone accepts without comment. It was a little cruel how they kept telling him he was playing football, though, when he was actually playing baseball. Not cool!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:47 AM on January 7, 2014 [17 favorites]
The best part of this movie was how they refused to define the character by his blindness. They just hardly even touched on it at all; like, okay, he's blind, but it's not a disability, it's not a plot element, it's just a part of him that everyone accepts without comment. It was a little cruel how they kept telling him he was playing football, though, when he was actually playing baseball. Not cool!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:47 AM on January 7, 2014 [17 favorites]
and she adopts him...and he's blind
"But only on one side."
On his father's side, if I recall. While since I saw it.
posted by Naberius at 9:48 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
"But only on one side."
On his father's side, if I recall. While since I saw it.
posted by Naberius at 9:48 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
UNLOGICAL!
posted by blue_beetle at 9:50 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by blue_beetle at 9:50 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
WTF was the deal with the Toy Story "suicide bombing" comment?
posted by teraflop at 9:50 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by teraflop at 9:50 AM on January 7, 2014
Re: Drive
"Was expecting more driving."
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:51 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
"Was expecting more driving."
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:51 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
I will be chipping in with "Unlogical!" in film threads at random from now on, I think.
posted by Artw at 9:51 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by Artw at 9:51 AM on January 7, 2014
Blindside is the tale of a true outsider forever forced to watch the world go by through the windowblinds of isolation, which he is on the other side of.
posted by Artw at 9:53 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 9:53 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Starring Sandra Bullock as the Levolor sales rep.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:55 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:55 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
What terrible secret is hidden on the blind side of the moon, that caused NASA to fake their landings there? Sandra Bullock must unriddle the conspiracy before it blindsides her!
posted by Artw at 9:57 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by Artw at 9:57 AM on January 7, 2014
I was in the queue to go into Gravity last month and heard this from a customer in front: "The Blind Side is amazing...you have to see it. There's Sandra Bullock and this guy who's really good at baseball, and she adopts him...and he's blind."
At Xmas dinner, I was listening to a relative outline Elysium: "It stars Mark Wahlberg and Sandra Bullock, but she is playing a villain which is unusual for her. Anyway, they have to go into space to fight these aliens but it turns out she is on the aliens' side."
What we can glean from this is that Sandra Bullock has sunk into the collective unconscious as now being In All Half-Remembered Movies. To check, I went and looked in IMDB: she has 52 acting credits and I have seen seven of them. Save for Gravity and Speed, I had forgotten her in all of them.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:58 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
At Xmas dinner, I was listening to a relative outline Elysium: "It stars Mark Wahlberg and Sandra Bullock, but she is playing a villain which is unusual for her. Anyway, they have to go into space to fight these aliens but it turns out she is on the aliens' side."
What we can glean from this is that Sandra Bullock has sunk into the collective unconscious as now being In All Half-Remembered Movies. To check, I went and looked in IMDB: she has 52 acting credits and I have seen seven of them. Save for Gravity and Speed, I had forgotten her in all of them.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:58 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
This just proves that Criticker is worth every single dollar I haven't paid for it.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:59 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:59 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
At Xmas dinner, I was listening to a relative outline Elysium: "It stars Mark Wahlberg and Sandra Bullock, but she is playing a villain which is unusual for her. Anyway, they have to go into space to fight these aliens but it turns out she is on the aliens' side."
To be fair, that would probably have been a better movie.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:00 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
To be fair, that would probably have been a better movie.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:00 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
How could you forget her Raspberry-worthy performance in Forces of Nature?
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:00 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:00 AM on January 7, 2014
To be fair, that would probably have been a better movie.
Indeed. I saw a screening of an independent film at the house of a mefite last summer; said mefite was a producer on the film. One of the stars had a prominent supporting role in Elysium and the producer spoke of how they were hoping the imminent release of Elysium would raise everyone's profile and get their film to a number of festivals in 2014. Alas, I don't think it turned out that way.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:06 AM on January 7, 2014
Indeed. I saw a screening of an independent film at the house of a mefite last summer; said mefite was a producer on the film. One of the stars had a prominent supporting role in Elysium and the producer spoke of how they were hoping the imminent release of Elysium would raise everyone's profile and get their film to a number of festivals in 2014. Alas, I don't think it turned out that way.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:06 AM on January 7, 2014
It sounds like bits of Oblivion mixed in with Elysium. Plus booze and turkey.
posted by biffa at 10:07 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by biffa at 10:07 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
They do sound like fashionable anti-depressants don't they? (Which is ironic.)
posted by biffa at 10:09 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by biffa at 10:09 AM on January 7, 2014
It sounds like bits of Oblivion mixed in with Elysium. Plus booze and turkey.
Obesium.
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:14 AM on January 7, 2014 [19 favorites]
Obesium.
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:14 AM on January 7, 2014 [19 favorites]
One of my favorite memories of working book/music/movie retail was when a gentleman came to the store to return a DVD that he and his wife had purchased the week before. It was a story set near the time of the New Testament that they thought would make a fine movie to show to their church group. After they put the DVD in the player, they were shocked and scandalized to discover that it wasn't going to be at all appropriate.
The film in question? Caligula.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:15 AM on January 7, 2014 [41 favorites]
The film in question? Caligula.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:15 AM on January 7, 2014 [41 favorites]
Obesium.
That's my new name for WALL-E.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:16 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
That's my new name for WALL-E.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:16 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
Blindsider - Tom Cruise is a WALL-E robot, but it turns out he is actually a clone like Kevin Spacey in Moon.
posted by Artw at 10:18 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by Artw at 10:18 AM on January 7, 2014
The film in question? Caligula.
Obscenium.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:19 AM on January 7, 2014 [8 favorites]
Obscenium.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:19 AM on January 7, 2014 [8 favorites]
'Movie is worse than the DVD cover' - almost every movie evah... well until they started doing boring covers.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:20 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:20 AM on January 7, 2014
I think the lack (and style) of driving in Drive was a feature rather than a bug
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:21 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:21 AM on January 7, 2014
I also love reading the "questions" section of items on Amazon. It's just mind blowing. "Can you use batteries with this item?" "I don't know! I've never tried. Hope that helps."
I wouldn't mind having a Metafilter overlay for everything on the internet. Only comments, reviews, questions, answers, posts, photos, etc. from MeFites would show up, regardless of the site you're on.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 10:22 AM on January 7, 2014 [14 favorites]
I wouldn't mind having a Metafilter overlay for everything on the internet. Only comments, reviews, questions, answers, posts, photos, etc. from MeFites would show up, regardless of the site you're on.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 10:22 AM on January 7, 2014 [14 favorites]
Shepherd, funny you should mention that—on the How Did This Get Made? podcast, Paul Scheer often has a feature called "Second Opinions," where he reads five-star reviews from Amazon about the worst films ever made.
posted by infinitewindow at 10:24 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by infinitewindow at 10:24 AM on January 7, 2014
They couldn't tell me exactly what they expected from a vampire movie that wouldn't have involved drinking blood.
The only thing that vampire movies will ever again feature in our lifetimes is "going to high school and brooding".
posted by elizardbits at 10:29 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
The only thing that vampire movies will ever again feature in our lifetimes is "going to high school and brooding".
posted by elizardbits at 10:29 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
and taylor lautner's chest pls
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:30 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:30 AM on January 7, 2014
Save for Gravity and Speed, I had forgotten her in all of them."
But Sandra Bullock knows how to use the shells!
posted by chavenet at 10:31 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
But Sandra Bullock knows how to use the shells!
posted by chavenet at 10:31 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
Nah, I wanted Byzantium just a few nights ago and that was pretty great and came out post-Twilight.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:31 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:31 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
My mother's review of Pulp Fiction: "Too much cursing." This was literally all she had to say. Pity she doesn't know how to writrle Amazon reviews.
posted by 1adam12 at 10:32 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by 1adam12 at 10:32 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
But Sandra Bullock knows how to use the shells!
Thing is, she is a terrible fucking actress. I know probably half a dozen actors who, in a just world, would have those 52 credits instead of her, instead of toiling as waiters and bartenders and CSR drones while acting in tiny little plays for no money.
But.
She was perfect in three movies: Speed (boring person shoved into interesting experience),The Taming of the Shrew Miss Congeniality (another basically boring person shoved into an interesting experience), and Demolition Man (ur-Midwestern Soccer Mom hears someone swearing for the first time, aka boring person you get the point).
One sees a pattern.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:34 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Thing is, she is a terrible fucking actress. I know probably half a dozen actors who, in a just world, would have those 52 credits instead of her, instead of toiling as waiters and bartenders and CSR drones while acting in tiny little plays for no money.
But.
She was perfect in three movies: Speed (boring person shoved into interesting experience),
One sees a pattern.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:34 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
It would all be different if Welles had made his Dracula.
posted by Artw at 10:36 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by Artw at 10:36 AM on January 7, 2014
Some of the Schindler's List ones are pretty close to the professional criticism of that film. Mamet famously called it "emotional pornography," and he was not alone in that sentiment.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:41 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Sys Rq at 10:41 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Pity she doesn't know how to writrle Amazon reviews.
THAT IS A WORD NOW
posted by Sys Rq at 10:41 AM on January 7, 2014 [11 favorites]
THAT IS A WORD NOW
posted by Sys Rq at 10:41 AM on January 7, 2014 [11 favorites]
feckless fecal fear mongering: "She was perfect in three movies"
Oh come on, you forgot "The Net".
posted by chavenet at 10:42 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Oh come on, you forgot "The Net".
posted by chavenet at 10:42 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
I get the feeling from fashion blogs (ok, the Fug Girls) that Sandra Bullock is really nice, just pretty enough to make Middle America root for her and not feel threatened, has a hilariously ribald sense of humor, and shows up on time to things. Also George Clooney counts her as a friend. So, employment.
posted by librarylis at 10:55 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by librarylis at 10:55 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
Oh come on, you forgot "The Net".
Did not.
but oh, how i have tried
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:58 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Did not.
but oh, how i have tried
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:58 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
I get the feeling from fashion blogs (ok, the Fug Girls) that Sandra Bullock is really nice,
Yeah from what I've seen in interviews and stuff I think she'd be a lot of fun to drink and hang out with. She just can't do very well what she is overpaid to do.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:00 AM on January 7, 2014
Yeah from what I've seen in interviews and stuff I think she'd be a lot of fun to drink and hang out with. She just can't do very well what she is overpaid to do.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:00 AM on January 7, 2014
From what I have heard of famously overpaid actors on film sets, you can't underestimate the importance of showing up on time, ready to work.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:04 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by louche mustachio at 11:04 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
I've told this story before....
1968. Fullerton, California. My mother decides she wants to see that new space epic everyone is going on about. Plus she liked Dr. Strangelove, so it's going to be good, right? She ropes my older sister into going with her.
They're sitting in the Fox Fullerton. The film begins -- it's the Dawn of Man sequence.
Five minutes. Ten minutes.
My mother turns to my sister. "This movie is about a bunch of goddamn monkeys!" AND THEY LEAVE.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 11:04 AM on January 7, 2014 [25 favorites]
1968. Fullerton, California. My mother decides she wants to see that new space epic everyone is going on about. Plus she liked Dr. Strangelove, so it's going to be good, right? She ropes my older sister into going with her.
They're sitting in the Fox Fullerton. The film begins -- it's the Dawn of Man sequence.
Five minutes. Ten minutes.
My mother turns to my sister. "This movie is about a bunch of goddamn monkeys!" AND THEY LEAVE.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 11:04 AM on January 7, 2014 [25 favorites]
She just can't do very well what she is overpaid to do.
I think you merely misunderstand what she is paid to do.
HINT: NOT ACT
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 11:11 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I think you merely misunderstand what she is paid to do.
HINT: NOT ACT
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 11:11 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Anyone else just getting images of movie posters with titles underneath, and no clickable links? No reviews or links to reviews appear when I hover over anything.
posted by gubo at 11:17 AM on January 7, 2014
posted by gubo at 11:17 AM on January 7, 2014
I liked The Heat.
posted by Artw at 11:17 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 11:17 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Re: Drive
"Was expecting more driving."
This was actually one of my gripes about that movie. That, and it was pretentious twaddle.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:18 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
"Was expecting more driving."
This was actually one of my gripes about that movie. That, and it was pretentious twaddle.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:18 AM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
On further review, I am old.
posted by gubo at 11:20 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by gubo at 11:20 AM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
My grandmother found Fargo offensive in it's portraying of Minnesotans.
posted by Drab_Parts at 11:26 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Drab_Parts at 11:26 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Thing is, she is a terrible fucking actress.
Bullock is a "movie star" not an "actress." That is to say, she is one of those lucky people gifted with the ability to effortlessly project a certain kind of readily likeable, charming persona that she rings small changes on from movie to movie. She's makes no claim to a chameleon like ability to disappear into wildly different characters. But it's a kind of category error to complain that she can't do that. That isn't what she's being asked to do and the thing she is being asked to do is by no means something that any random person dragged in off the street can do. In fact, it's not even something that many otherwise excellent "actors" can do.
posted by yoink at 11:43 AM on January 7, 2014 [13 favorites]
Bullock is a "movie star" not an "actress." That is to say, she is one of those lucky people gifted with the ability to effortlessly project a certain kind of readily likeable, charming persona that she rings small changes on from movie to movie. She's makes no claim to a chameleon like ability to disappear into wildly different characters. But it's a kind of category error to complain that she can't do that. That isn't what she's being asked to do and the thing she is being asked to do is by no means something that any random person dragged in off the street can do. In fact, it's not even something that many otherwise excellent "actors" can do.
posted by yoink at 11:43 AM on January 7, 2014 [13 favorites]
My grandmother found Fargo offensive in it's portraying of Minnesotans.
Yeah, but that TrueCoat.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:44 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
Yeah, but that TrueCoat.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:44 AM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
From what I have heard of famously overpaid actors on film sets, you can't underestimate the importance of showing up on time, ready to work.
cf. Keanu Reeves.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 11:50 AM on January 7, 2014
cf. Keanu Reeves.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 11:50 AM on January 7, 2014
I was once browsing movies at Vulcan in Austin when I heard a woman absolutely railing at the poor sales clerk about the FILTH that she had rented and how the movie she had was taking a HORRIFIC subject and treating it like it was funny and it STILL WASN'T FUNNY and how could they?!?! She expounded upon how profoundly disgusting and vile this movie was and how she couldn't believe they keep it out where ANYONE COULD JUST CHECK IT OUT!!!!1!
Now, Vulcan had every John Waters movie, old stag loops, tons of B movie and whateversploitation movie you can image but when I casually sidled up to see the box in her hand?
Raising Arizona
posted by Saminal at 11:56 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
Now, Vulcan had every John Waters movie, old stag loops, tons of B movie and whateversploitation movie you can image but when I casually sidled up to see the box in her hand?
Raising Arizona
posted by Saminal at 11:56 AM on January 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
elizardbits: "They couldn't tell me exactly what they expected from a vampire movie that wouldn't have involved drinking blood.
The only thing that vampire movies will ever again feature in our lifetimes is "going to high school and brooding"."
REAL AWESOME VAMPIRE MOVIE FROM BACK WHEN.
posted by Mister_A at 11:58 AM on January 7, 2014
The only thing that vampire movies will ever again feature in our lifetimes is "going to high school and brooding"."
REAL AWESOME VAMPIRE MOVIE FROM BACK WHEN.
posted by Mister_A at 11:58 AM on January 7, 2014
I just watched Vampire's Kiss and it's basically American Psycho with Nicolas Cage doing a bizarre accent and vampires. However, as a fan of Nicolas Cage's varied expressions you really can't go wrong with it if you're into silent movie-style overacting (an intentional choice on his part but hilarious).
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 12:00 PM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 12:00 PM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Yeah that movie was quite funny, intentionally so as I recall. Good call on the connection or debt owed by American Psycho.
posted by Mister_A at 12:06 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by Mister_A at 12:06 PM on January 7, 2014
As referenced in the title of the post, one of the issues with a lot of Amazon reviews is that some people are reviewing the content and some people are reviewing the format. You get one star reviews that are stuff like "This displayed funny on my Kindle and the line spacing was wrong and there were a lot of typos. Great book though!" or "This DVD has no extras and I was really expecting more for $12.99 plus they did not have a director's cut of this excellent film and so I am asking for money money back. ZERO STARS." or "this video film would not play on my laserdisc player. i tried putting it in my betamax machine but it just sat there. if it doesnt play as an 8track tape i will never be able to watch it."
Sometimes these reviewers actually they really like the book or movie or whatever but they still rate it really low. For media, it just makes the whole thing a mess and I wish we could have separate ratings for content and format.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:08 PM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
Sometimes these reviewers actually they really like the book or movie or whatever but they still rate it really low. For media, it just makes the whole thing a mess and I wish we could have separate ratings for content and format.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:08 PM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
Atom Eyes: "This was actually one of my gripes about that movie. That, and it was pretentious twaddle."
Derivative pretentious twaddle at that. And boring. And way too much Ryan Gosling.
posted by octothorpe at 12:15 PM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Derivative pretentious twaddle at that. And boring. And way too much Ryan Gosling.
posted by octothorpe at 12:15 PM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Maybe, but Sandra Bullock was great in it.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:19 PM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:19 PM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
I thought I bought the full movie but it's just a thirty second clip that repeats itself!!!!
posted by Redfield at 12:19 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by Redfield at 12:19 PM on January 7, 2014
Needed more goddamn monkeys.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:21 PM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:21 PM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I may be misremembering, but isn't Sandra Bullock one of those rare movie stars who appreciate that they are overpaid and disburse large sums to good causes? I like her, but she's been a ton of bad films.
posted by tigrefacile at 12:26 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by tigrefacile at 12:26 PM on January 7, 2014
teraflop: WTF was the deal with the Toy Story "suicide bombing" comment?
Guessing that's a reference to Sid strapping a firecracker to poor Combat Carl.
posted by hanov3r at 12:29 PM on January 7, 2014
Guessing that's a reference to Sid strapping a firecracker to poor Combat Carl.
posted by hanov3r at 12:29 PM on January 7, 2014
Anyone else just getting images of movie posters with titles underneath, and no clickable links? No reviews or links to reviews appear when I hover over anything.
I made that mistake too, but look more closely at the movie posters.
posted by RobotHero at 12:31 PM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I made that mistake too, but look more closely at the movie posters.
posted by RobotHero at 12:31 PM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
My grandmother found Fargo offensive in it's portraying of Minnesotans.
Is it because of the cartoonish accents, or in that it depicts Minnesotans at all?
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:32 PM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Is it because of the cartoonish accents, or in that it depicts Minnesotans at all?
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:32 PM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
She expounded upon how profoundly disgusting and vile this movie was and how she couldn't believe they keep it out where ANYONE COULD JUST CHECK IT OUT!!!!1!
Now, Vulcan had every John Waters movie, old stag loops, tons of B movie and whateversploitation movie you can image but when I casually sidled up to see the box in her hand?
Raising Arizona
If I'd been the clerk on duty, I would have been tempted to give her one of two replies:
a. "Okay, then..."
b. "Ma'am, you got a panty on your head."
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:38 PM on January 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
Now, Vulcan had every John Waters movie, old stag loops, tons of B movie and whateversploitation movie you can image but when I casually sidled up to see the box in her hand?
Raising Arizona
If I'd been the clerk on duty, I would have been tempted to give her one of two replies:
a. "Okay, then..."
b. "Ma'am, you got a panty on your head."
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:38 PM on January 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
Well, which is it, young ma'am? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'm a-gonna be in motion. You see...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:41 PM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:41 PM on January 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
Derivative pretentious twaddle at that. And boring. And way too much Ryan Gosling.
Oh come on. Every movie is derivative of every other movie. I saw Le Samouraï, it was great and Drive is good, even if it copied the hell out of it.
And Le Samourai was a pretentiousness, distilled! Fedoras and piano bars and curling smoke, indeed!
posted by FJT at 12:42 PM on January 7, 2014
Oh come on. Every movie is derivative of every other movie. I saw Le Samouraï, it was great and Drive is good, even if it copied the hell out of it.
And Le Samourai was a pretentiousness, distilled! Fedoras and piano bars and curling smoke, indeed!
posted by FJT at 12:42 PM on January 7, 2014
Bullock is a "movie star" not an "actress."
Huh. I've always made a distinction in my head between 'flicks,' 'movies' and 'films' (e.g. Spaceballs, Fifth Element, 2001), but had never thought to make a distinction between the types of people in them. Thanks!
And way too much Ryan Gosling.
these are english words but they make no sense
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:49 PM on January 7, 2014
Huh. I've always made a distinction in my head between 'flicks,' 'movies' and 'films' (e.g. Spaceballs, Fifth Element, 2001), but had never thought to make a distinction between the types of people in them. Thanks!
And way too much Ryan Gosling.
these are english words but they make no sense
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:49 PM on January 7, 2014
feckless fecal fear mongering: "She was perfect in three movies"
Oh come on, you forgot "The Net".
posted by chavenet at 10:42 AM on January 7 [1 favorite +] [!]
My only real memory of "The Net" was attending it at what must surely have been one of the last drive-in theatres in the province.
I was with a young woman that I'd just started dating. We were both late bloomers, socially speaking, and when we realized that neither of us had had the cliche high school experience of making out at a drive-in movie, we figured that would be more fun than actually watching the film.
I'd forgotten all about that until reading this thread...
posted by tantrumthecat at 12:50 PM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Oh come on, you forgot "The Net".
posted by chavenet at 10:42 AM on January 7 [1 favorite +] [!]
My only real memory of "The Net" was attending it at what must surely have been one of the last drive-in theatres in the province.
I was with a young woman that I'd just started dating. We were both late bloomers, socially speaking, and when we realized that neither of us had had the cliche high school experience of making out at a drive-in movie, we figured that would be more fun than actually watching the film.
I'd forgotten all about that until reading this thread...
posted by tantrumthecat at 12:50 PM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
I may be misremembering, but isn't Sandra Bullock one of those rare movie stars who appreciate that they are overpaid and disburse large sums to good causes? I like her, but she's been a ton of bad films.
She's a nice lady.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:53 PM on January 7, 2014
She's a nice lady.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:53 PM on January 7, 2014
and when we realized that neither of us had had the cliche high school experience of making out at a drive-in movie, we figured that would be more fun than actually watching the film.
so, you saw about thirty seconds of the opening credits.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:01 PM on January 7, 2014
so, you saw about thirty seconds of the opening credits.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:01 PM on January 7, 2014
And way too much Ryan Gosling.
these are english words but they make no sense
I could watch this forever.
FOREVER
posted by louche mustachio at 1:05 PM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
these are english words but they make no sense
I could watch this forever.
FOREVER
posted by louche mustachio at 1:05 PM on January 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
And way too much Ryan Gosling.
these are english words but they make no sense
There are only two explanations for that response: Either you weren't subject to YTV in the late 1990s, or you were the asshole in charge of programming at YTV in the late 1990s.
Because, yes, there is such a thing as too much Ryan Gosling.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:19 PM on January 7, 2014
these are english words but they make no sense
There are only two explanations for that response: Either you weren't subject to YTV in the late 1990s, or you were the asshole in charge of programming at YTV in the late 1990s.
Because, yes, there is such a thing as too much Ryan Gosling.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:19 PM on January 7, 2014
nooo.. no i'm afraid i'm going to have to disagree with you there sorry
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:24 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:24 PM on January 7, 2014
"a fiction to fit only those who still have issues with Nazis"
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 1:30 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 1:30 PM on January 7, 2014
Who the hell is Ryan Gosling, and why should I care?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:38 PM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:38 PM on January 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
I think Sandra Bullock is a great actress and seems a nice person in rl too (she also famously googles herself *waves*)
(Though, sorry, The Net was god awful, and that's from someone who'll watch almost anything with 'hacking' in it)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:46 PM on January 7, 2014
(Though, sorry, The Net was god awful, and that's from someone who'll watch almost anything with 'hacking' in it)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:46 PM on January 7, 2014
I went into The Constant Gardener on a double date and really thought we would be watching a nice lawncare movie. Not so much.
posted by rmless at 4:10 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by rmless at 4:10 PM on January 7, 2014
I'm reminded of when my mom and grandmother went to see Interview With The Vampire "because everyone's talking about it" but wound up walking out in disgust "because they were drinking all that blood and it was SO GROSS!"
They couldn't tell me exactly what they expected from a vampire movie that wouldn't have involved drinking blood.
"It's called INTERVIEW with a vampire, so it should have just been an interview with him for 90 minutes. You know, like that movie with Hitler's secretary or whatever!"
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 4:22 PM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
They couldn't tell me exactly what they expected from a vampire movie that wouldn't have involved drinking blood.
"It's called INTERVIEW with a vampire, so it should have just been an interview with him for 90 minutes. You know, like that movie with Hitler's secretary or whatever!"
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 4:22 PM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Job Interview With a Vampire was much tamer. It was all theoretical, and shit. Scariest part was when Brad Pitt had to whiteboard a Gantt chart.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:34 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:34 PM on January 7, 2014
FOREVER
posted by louche mustachio
Please be the toothpick offer. Please be the toothpick offer.
*clicks*
aw. darn.
Now I've got to find the toothpick offer in "Drive". Best dialog in the whole move.
*goes to YouTube*
*finds something better*
Well, maybe not better. Just derivative.
posted by surplus at 6:32 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by louche mustachio
Please be the toothpick offer. Please be the toothpick offer.
*clicks*
aw. darn.
Now I've got to find the toothpick offer in "Drive". Best dialog in the whole move.
*goes to YouTube*
*finds something better*
Well, maybe not better. Just derivative.
posted by surplus at 6:32 PM on January 7, 2014
Because, yes, there is such a thing as too much Ryan Gosling.
To be fair, I've only ever seen him in Drive but he was annoying enough that I'd avoid seeing anything else with him in it.
posted by octothorpe at 7:25 PM on January 7, 2014
To be fair, I've only ever seen him in Drive but he was annoying enough that I'd avoid seeing anything else with him in it.
posted by octothorpe at 7:25 PM on January 7, 2014
I've just realised I have been confusing Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper for quite some time.
posted by Mezentian at 8:50 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by Mezentian at 8:50 PM on January 7, 2014
tomato tomahto
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:19 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:19 PM on January 7, 2014
Off-topic, but I can only assume that's real Planet of the Apes publicity art under the quotes, and um, gosh, are spoilers just not a thing with classic films?
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:31 PM on January 7, 2014
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:31 PM on January 7, 2014
It's a more modern version of POTA art, not sure from when but I am sure I have seen it on a DVD case.
I expect most people know the twist now, which is why Tim Burton's stunning twist was a tour de force.
posted by Mezentian at 2:29 AM on January 8, 2014
I expect most people know the twist now, which is why Tim Burton's stunning twist was a tour de force.
posted by Mezentian at 2:29 AM on January 8, 2014
I'm sorry. I can't believe I typed that.
I am a bad person.
And a liar.
posted by Mezentian at 2:31 AM on January 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I am a bad person.
And a liar.
posted by Mezentian at 2:31 AM on January 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
It was a tour de farce.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:14 AM on January 8, 2014
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:14 AM on January 8, 2014
Off-topic, but I can only assume that's real Planet of the Apes publicity art under the quotes, and um, gosh, are spoilers just not a thing with classic films?
It is, but not from the release in 1968. At this point, the image is so well-known and appears in so many places that it is hard not to go into the movie knowing how it ends.
For what it's worth, this was the 1968 poster.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:58 AM on January 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
It is, but not from the release in 1968. At this point, the image is so well-known and appears in so many places that it is hard not to go into the movie knowing how it ends.
For what it's worth, this was the 1968 poster.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:58 AM on January 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
The mistake most people make with Drive is thinking that it was about anything other than the jacket.
posted by malocchio at 11:04 AM on January 8, 2014
posted by malocchio at 11:04 AM on January 8, 2014
and when we realized that neither of us had had the cliche high school experience of making out at a drive-in movie, we figured that would be more fun than actually watching the film.
so, you saw about thirty seconds of the opening credits.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:01 PM on January 7 [+] [!]
More like the first five, possibly ten minutes, which we talked through.
I'm still convinced this was the way to go.
posted by tantrumthecat at 2:05 AM on January 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
so, you saw about thirty seconds of the opening credits.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:01 PM on January 7 [+] [!]
More like the first five, possibly ten minutes, which we talked through.
I'm still convinced this was the way to go.
posted by tantrumthecat at 2:05 AM on January 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by sendai sleep master at 9:19 AM on January 7, 2014 [1 favorite]