ssrrr hissss blubb click brrr crack

January 18, 2014 5:24 PM

It's just a page from a refrigerator manual, but what a page. (Direct image link)

And here's the full manual [pdf].

posted by moonmilk (59 comments total)

Some people will say this isn't the best of the web. They will be wrong.
posted by Going To Maine at 5:27 PM on January 18, 2014 [27 favorites]

awesome.
posted by tilde at 5:29 PM on January 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

"This reads like stereo instructions!"
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:35 PM on January 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

That "sssrrr" sound reminds me uncomfortably of The Enigma of Amigara Fault. THIS FRIDGE IS MADE FOR ME! THIS IS MY FRIDGE!
posted by moonmilk at 5:37 PM on January 18, 2014 [10 favorites]

Cats brring instead of purring and wine blubbing instead of glugging? It's a world gone topsy-turvy!

Also I just flicked through the rest of the manual thinking maybe there was something else funny in there, but no. So essentially I am lying in bed at 1.30am on a Saturday night reading actual freezer manuals. Excuse me while I go look for my life, I appear to have misplaced it...
posted by billiebee at 5:41 PM on January 18, 2014 [35 favorites]

The Refrigerator Manual by Tom Wolfe
posted by griphus at 5:42 PM on January 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

Hey, at least 1:30 is plausible bedtime. Think about those of us posting freezer manuals at 8:30pm.
posted by moonmilk at 5:42 PM on January 18, 2014 [4 favorites]

Reminds me of the in case of emergency signs in hotels.
posted by ckape at 6:22 PM on January 18, 2014 [4 favorites]

OMG, my fridge sometimes blubs and I never knew what it was! I'm glad it's normal.
posted by Weeping_angel at 6:29 PM on January 18, 2014

Onomatopoeia-filter
posted by lalochezia at 6:30 PM on January 18, 2014 [5 favorites]

I bought a new washing machine this year and mocked the manual's outline of "strange noises". How could anyone possibly be alarmed by the noises a washer makes? I've had a few washers in my time--they makes a lot of noise. That's life!

Mere minutes had passed between reading the manual and running the first load, but somehow I'd managed to forget all I'd mocked as the washer *clunked* loudly, clearly threatening to break down on its first day in my home. I became immediately inundated with buyer's remorse, broke a sweat and felt the panic setting in.

...Then I came back to my senses.

This infographic is incredibly useful. It might have been more memorable for me in the heat of the moment. Anyone with a basic handle of the latin alphabet can understand it. Maybe not the best of the web, but definitely a respectable manual.
posted by Violet Femme at 6:37 PM on January 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

Here are some sounds that are not normal for a fridge: schloop, fowm, kloobada doobada kloobada doobada, and fizzazit.
posted by moonmilk at 6:38 PM on January 18, 2014 [10 favorites]

But what do I do if my fridge sounds like "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh C'thulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn?"
posted by mcmile at 6:47 PM on January 18, 2014 [12 favorites]

Clean the ichor filter.
posted by moonmilk at 6:52 PM on January 18, 2014 [27 favorites]

I bought a new washing machine this year

Well I sure do miss that good old electric washing machine
The one that we ain't got round here no more...
and i sure do miss that big round tub and them stomping swinging sounds
and i miss them groovy puddles on the floor

posted by mikelieman at 6:57 PM on January 18, 2014 [4 favorites]

But what do I do if my fridge sounds like "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh C'thulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn?"

Pray that the Old Ones found enough to eat.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:00 PM on January 18, 2014

"...sounds like it's peeing, like a ghost, like running water, like dripping water, like helicopter, like crickets, like jackhammer, and like air compressor."
posted by moonmilk at 7:00 PM on January 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

What does the fridge say?
posted by FJT at 7:02 PM on January 18, 2014 [20 favorites]

Well I sure do miss that good old electric washing machine
The one that we ain't got round here no more...
and i sure do miss that big round tub and them stomping swinging sounds
and i miss them groovy puddles on the floor

Everybody now!

'Cause the new one just goes mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......
posted by this is a thing at 7:03 PM on January 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

I had a fridge in one place I lived that would CLUNK! in a startling way that sounded like either a) the Murderous Midnight Mechanic had just dropped his toolbox onto the kitchen floor (which he notoriously does right before he slaughters the entire family with a large wrench), or b) someone had just tripped, fallen, and caved their head in against the edge of the sink. In the middle of the night.

Eventually, we became accustomed to it, completely oblivious to the noise even as visitors jumped out of their chairs.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:22 PM on January 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

What does the fridge say? (illustrated)
posted by oulipian at 7:23 PM on January 18, 2014 [35 favorites]

Our work fridge sounds like popcorn. The tech came to look at it said nothing was wrong with it, infuriating the general manager. I'm going to send her the info graphic!
posted by typewriter at 7:28 PM on January 18, 2014

I would not feel completely reassured, considering how vague the manual is about the source of the "CRACK!" sound.
posted by ogooglebar at 7:29 PM on January 18, 2014 [4 favorites]

Did you make that very informative illustration, oulipian?
posted by moonmilk at 7:38 PM on January 18, 2014

But what do I do if my fridge sounds like "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh C'thulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn?"

Wrong mythos. Fridges get Zuuls in them.
posted by condour75 at 7:39 PM on January 18, 2014 [7 favorites]

Do you want Zuuls? Because that's how you get Zuuls.
posted by moonmilk at 7:42 PM on January 18, 2014 [11 favorites]

I remember when fridges used to go "ta-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa".
posted by ogooglebar at 7:43 PM on January 18, 2014 [4 favorites]

Yes moonmilk! I made that just now.
posted by oulipian at 7:44 PM on January 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yay!
posted by moonmilk at 7:46 PM on January 18, 2014

But what do I do if my fridge sounds like "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh C'thulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn?"

This is normal; your dishwasher is just attaining of a new level of spirituality as a Klingon warrior.
Beware, however, of putting anything in your toaster-oven when it is the throes of Pon farr.
posted by blueberry at 7:47 PM on January 18, 2014 [2 favorites]

but what do you do when your fridge goes "I love you. I have always loved you. Join me now in the embrace of the forever freeze"?
posted by The Whelk at 8:21 PM on January 18, 2014 [6 favorites]

Like this?
posted by moonmilk at 8:28 PM on January 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

"I would not feel completely reassured, considering how vague the manual is about the source of the 'CRACK!' sound."

They go the trouble of locating the source of all the other sounds. But with CRACK! they just show the rectangle of the fridge with a sound bubble, as if CRACK! is the acoustic manifestation of the fridge's mere existence.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:36 PM on January 18, 2014 [13 favorites]

it is snow elves eating crackers in the crisper
posted by elizardbits at 8:54 PM on January 18, 2014 [13 favorites]

This thread reminds me what acid feels like.
posted by Mezentian at 9:09 PM on January 18, 2014 [3 favorites]

it is snow elves eating crackers in the crisper

This song is already stuck in my head and there isn't even a tune for it yet.
posted by this is a thing at 9:11 PM on January 18, 2014 [12 favorites]

<it is snow elves eating crackers in the crisper>
"This song is already stuck in my head and there isn't even a tune for it yet."

I can't help but feel that, as I've just been in the Luscious Jackson thread and then also reading about the upcoming St. Vincent album, this song must be by one of them.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:16 PM on January 18, 2014 [1 favorite]

Oh, to be a fly on the wall while this was being written. The knock down fights over whether an icemaker discharge sounds like a stale graham cracker snapping or a midget in a dry-cleaner bag falling down the stairs.
posted by dr_dank at 9:35 PM on January 18, 2014 [7 favorites]

Reminds me of the in case of emergency signs in hotels.

I had occasionally wondered what became of Bubb Rubb after his internet fame.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:38 PM on January 18, 2014

My apartment provided fridge pretty much has all in the OP plus an amazing knocking noise which has more than once made me get up and check the door.
posted by JoeXIII007 at 10:03 PM on January 18, 2014

But the Zuul joke has already been made....
posted by Mezentian at 10:07 PM on January 18, 2014

Ah yes, the crack of a knäckebröd
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 10:33 PM on January 18, 2014

A friend of mine stayed in a hotel and took a picture of the sign describing the fire emergency signal, which said "Alarm looks like flashing light and sounds like whoop." She commented "I wish all my other emotions came so clearly labeled!"
posted by KathrynT at 10:48 PM on January 18, 2014 [18 favorites]

A friend and I went on a overnight motorcycle ride this past summer, and one of the "rules" for any adventure like this is to not plan where you are staying beforehand. Because my buddy is cheap and balked at what the "normal" hotel wanted for an evening's stay, we ended up at what I could only think of later as "Jesus Rooms, Inc." (We're both atheists, FWIW.)

The place was over a sewing shop, about eight rooms to let, and while the lobby was "normal" everything else was All Jesus, All The Time we discovered as we were led back to our accommodations. Aside from my room's bookshelf only offering Focus on the Family hate screeds (not kidding--I think Dobson was the sanest author in the collection, and that's saying something), there was this sign on the door. I wish they had gone all out: an "emergency exit" diagram with a single "x" (captioned "you") and two arrows--"saved" pointing upwards, and "sinner" pointing downwards.
posted by maxwelton at 12:14 AM on January 19, 2014 [9 favorites]

This whole thread is AWESOME.

Fridges are also awesome because the have crispers.

I love that word. Crispers.


CRISPERS




criiiiiiiiiiiispers
posted by Doleful Creature at 12:46 AM on January 19, 2014 [5 favorites]

Fridges are also awesome because the have crispers.
I'm not even sure crispers work.
posted by Mezentian at 1:15 AM on January 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

part of the function of that info graphic is explaining what part of the fridge is responsible for each noise. But where is the crack noise coming from? That part doesn't make sense.
posted by BurnChao at 2:05 AM on January 19, 2014

That, my friends, is proof of a technical writer reaching the highest possible plane of existence.

(I'm forgiving the lack of an explanation for "Egg. Gub. Gleg." because that one is supposed to be spontaneously evoked by the reader.)
posted by maudlin at 2:25 AM on January 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

Did they really have to draw the hairs on the fly? Like I wouldn't know it was a yucky fly without the hairs?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 3:29 AM on January 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Come on, the same person probably does Ikea stuff. They want to add detail.
And the contract prohibits them from saying exactly where stuff goes.
posted by Mezentian at 4:27 AM on January 19, 2014

Ivan Fyodorovich: "They go the trouble of locating the source of all the other sounds. But with CRACK! they just show the rectangle of the fridge with a sound bubble, as if CRACK! is the acoustic manifestation of the fridge's mere existence."

That's actually not too far from the truth. It's the sound it makes as it displaces the air in your kitchen when suddenly manifesting.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 4:35 AM on January 19, 2014 [8 favorites]

I wonder what Brad would make of that manual.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:09 AM on January 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

We bought a new refrigerator last year (retiring our almost-30-year-old Admiral) and I was immediately concerned that it was a lemon by all of the weird noises the new box was making. I've never heard a fridge make such a racket. I'm used to the usual sounds...compressor clicking on, fan running, water draining, etc. But, this thing was making noises (like an occasional whooooooping) I couldn't identify.

Since it was under warranty, I got a repair guy out to take a look. Once he heard the noise, all he said was "Yeah. They all do that now. It's normal" He also told me that they now build fridges with an expected lifespan of only seven years at best.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:40 AM on January 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

My 1981 fridge is still trucking.
I'ma buy it a beer.
posted by Mezentian at 5:47 AM on January 19, 2014

I have eaten
the SSSRRR plums
that were in
the BRRR icebox

and which
you were SSSRRR probably
CLICK saving
for breakfast

Forgive me SSSRRR
they were CRACK delicious
so CLICK sweet SSSRRR
and so BRRR cold.
posted by Lanark at 7:00 AM on January 19, 2014 [11 favorites]

I tried to find the crisper in my new fridge but all I found was Crispin Glover. Should I return it?
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:04 AM on January 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

I think you've discovered The Big Problem with your new fridge. Congratulations!
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:18 AM on January 19, 2014

Weeping_angel: "OMG, my fridge sometimes blubs and I never knew what it was! I'm glad it's normal."

Mine too. Now I know why I keep losing bottles of wine. Drunk bastard.
posted by Splunge at 9:44 AM on January 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Cats brring instead of purring and wine blubbing instead of glugging? It's a world gone topsy-turvy!

Cats make a lot of noises. They should diagram them.
posted by Artw at 4:41 PM on January 19, 2014 [3 favorites]