Goat Simulator, apparently a real thing: "Okay internet, you win"

February 11, 2014 8:33 PM

Goat Simulator is a small, broken and stupid game. It was made in a couple of weeks so don’t expect a game in the size and scope of GTA with goats. In fact, you’re better off not expecting anything at all actually. [WARNING: virtual goats, violence]
posted by filthy light thief (40 comments total)

I choose to believe that's how goats climb ladders when no one is looking.
posted by littlesq at 8:38 PM on February 11, 2014 [2 favorites]

Axe Cop II: Axe Goat!

I really want this.
posted by pompomtom at 9:07 PM on February 11, 2014 [3 favorites]

Something about the guy's chuckle in the second video just screamed Swede to me. Does laughter have an accent?
posted by cosmic.osmo at 9:19 PM on February 11, 2014

This is the best thing I have ever seen ever.
posted by feckless at 9:20 PM on February 11, 2014

I choose to believe that's how goats climb ladders when no one is looking.

I bet it was a nod to this.
posted by Valued Customer at 9:34 PM on February 11, 2014 [7 favorites]

i'm disappointed that this fpp was made before the game actually launched. i've been looking forward to this since the youtube video got posted a couple weeks ago.
posted by emptythought at 9:46 PM on February 11, 2014

I bet it was a nod to this.

I now know I need a friend who laughs like that guy. I have tears coming out of my eyes laughing at him laughing.
posted by davejay at 9:53 PM on February 11, 2014

I feel like this game was made for me.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:14 PM on February 11, 2014 [4 favorites]

Guys, I suspect that's not how goats really operate.

(I'm going to call this a goatulator BTW.)
posted by JHarris at 10:22 PM on February 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

davejay: “I now know I need a friend who laughs like that guy. I have tears coming out of my eyes laughing at him laughing.”

Make your friends smoke lots and lots of marijuana.
posted by koeselitz at 10:55 PM on February 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

that was fantastic. Goat Simulator G.O.A.T.
posted by young_son at 11:24 PM on February 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

The only thing missing is an option to let you whisper lewd sentences in the ears of saints.
posted by homunculus at 11:45 PM on February 11, 2014 [5 favorites]

Goats-ey.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:08 AM on February 12, 2014

Goatse.cx Stimulator, meanwhile, is still to come.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:32 AM on February 12, 2014

Finally, a game for the Aberforth Dumbledore in all of us.
posted by NoraReed at 1:35 AM on February 12, 2014 [4 favorites]

Umm, they need some GoatStep in the sound track.
posted by jeffburdges at 1:39 AM on February 12, 2014

I am not a fan of PewDiePie. There I said it. Also, this doesn't look like an actual simulator as such. Fun, but not on the same level as Spintires.
posted by asok at 2:28 AM on February 12, 2014

I hate to be a naysayer (neighsayer?) but aside from the part of the trailer where the goat was flopping around in the air before landing on the crane, this looks like a poorly made gimmick...just like it says on the tin, I guess.
posted by Literaryhero at 2:55 AM on February 12, 2014

LOL butting!
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:58 AM on February 12, 2014 [1 favorite]

They lost me at swinging an axe around. I need more realism in my goat simulations.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:29 AM on February 12, 2014

Inevitably: Flappy Doge.
posted by colie at 4:31 AM on February 12, 2014 [2 favorites]

I need more realism in my goat simulations.

Well you're in luck! If you happen to own a copy of popular serious-business soldier-simulator Arma 2, you are also in possession of an advanced goat simulator. Here's how to access it:

1. Launch Arma 2 (or Operation Arrowhead)
2. Click "Singleplayer", then "Armory"
3. Choose an appropriate habitat for your goat
4. Select "Creatures", "Animals", then whichever type of goat you fancy
5. Click "Scene" if you wish to view a breathtaking noninteractive demonstration of the goat in its natural habitat
6. Click "Try!" to load the goat simulation
7. "Preparing Goat. Please wait."
8. You're a goat! Press Enter on your numpad to see yourself in all your goaty glory.
9. Goat controls are less complicated than human controls, but I should point out that to run you have to double-tap W. Arma is weird like that.
10. Various challenges will pop up occasionally that you can accept or decline. There's even a grueling challenge where you're hunted by men with guns and must escape!
11. If you're really lucky and chose the right habitat you might get a chance to run the obstacle course. As a goat. (I forgot which map has the obstacle course in it.)

Have fun!
posted by neckro23 at 5:11 AM on February 12, 2014 [10 favorites]

Finally, a game for the Aberforth Dumbledore in all of us.

PHRASING!
posted by zombieflanders at 5:36 AM on February 12, 2014 [3 favorites]

That footage reminds me of the incredibly stupid game "Pain" that came with our PS3. Somehow my son unlocked the George Takei and Elvira characters, and if you press the right buttons in the right sequence, you can make Elvira fart or wiggle her chest while she flies through the air.

It's a more popular game in my house than it really has any right to be.
posted by jbickers at 6:05 AM on February 12, 2014

Here's some video of ARMA 2 Goat gameplay, and there's a Reddit thread titled Arma 2: The best goat fitness simulator (direct link to the Imgur image).
posted by filthy light thief at 6:52 AM on February 12, 2014

emptythought: i'm disappointed that this fpp was made before the game actually launched. i've been looking forward to this since the youtube video got posted a couple weeks ago.

Yeah, sorry about that. I wasn't sure when the game would be available, and I was amused by the video clips and the description from the website, so I went with it.
posted by filthy light thief at 6:53 AM on February 12, 2014

this game is making fun of Horse Simulator 2015 right?
posted by rebent at 7:03 AM on February 12, 2014

This game looks basically like my real life.

Still, I am super excited.
posted by mrgoat at 7:05 AM on February 12, 2014 [10 favorites]

This game looks basically like my real life.

Still, I am super excited.

Huh. I thought you goats always looked like that. Still, live and learn....
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:49 AM on February 12, 2014 [1 favorite]

But seriously, who hasn't wanted to headbut a bucket into a neighbor's house party.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 8:04 AM on February 12, 2014 [2 favorites]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ACTING THE GOAT?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:13 AM on February 12, 2014 [2 favorites]

If you happen to own a copy of popular serious-business soldier-simulator Arma 2, you are also in possession of an advanced goat simulator.

Holy... goat, this works! As a goat, you can't side-step and also have no map. I loaded Chernorus and got the obstacle course, but I couldn't climb over the second wooden ramp. I'd have thought a goat would be especially good at that.
posted by Dreadnought at 9:15 AM on February 12, 2014 [1 favorite]

I loaded Chernorus and got the obstacle course, but I couldn't climb over the second wooden ramp.

Yeah, on further review it looks like all the default maps have the "fitness courses".

You should be able to finish it as a goat. I completed it as a chicken* earlier!

* off-topic, sorry
posted by neckro23 at 9:27 AM on February 12, 2014 [3 favorites]

Hey neckro23, stop clucking around!
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:16 AM on February 12, 2014

If you're really lucky and chose the right habitat you might get a chance to run the obstacle course. As a goat.

Yeah, but do you get to lick an axe and then create mayhem as you gallop around with it stuck to your tongue?

Thought not. Fail.
posted by flabdablet at 10:21 AM on February 12, 2014 [1 favorite]

Does anyone know anything about the audio track in the 'stupid game' link? Shazam came up with no results (which is no surprise) and I'm left wondering if it's a custom track or if it's some hip drunken chiptunes band or something.
posted by komara at 10:27 AM on February 12, 2014

Goatse.cx Stimulator, meanwhile, is still to come.

Amongst the many tributes, under "Video game appearances" there are a few FPS games that feature "architectural features" that look suspiciously like the image in question. Note: DO NOT CLICK ON Doctored video games, because therein lies the true Goatse.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:06 PM on February 12, 2014

Inevitably: Flappy Doge.

A STRANGE GAME.
THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS
NOT TO PLAY.
posted by mbrubeck at 5:20 PM on February 12, 2014

"Does anyone know anything about the audio track in the 'stupid game' link?"

Since I got no answer here I tweeted my question to the developer @Arminposts and today he said:

"People have been asking for the soundtrack for the Goat Simulator trailer. Here it is!"

I made it to 9:01 and then couldn't think straight anymore.
posted by komara at 10:33 AM on February 13, 2014 [3 favorites]

Goatse.cx Stimulator, meanwhile, is still to come.

The world's most infamous shock site is now an ad for Dogecoin
posted by homunculus at 10:38 PM on February 13, 2014