United Sweets of America

September 8, 2014 6:11 AM

If every state had an official dessert, what would it be? (SLSlate)
posted by Metroid Baby (179 comments total)

Kringle (Wisconsin) is breakfast food, not dessert.
posted by desjardins at 6:13 AM on September 8, 2014 [8 favorites]

(It is in fact delicious though.)
posted by desjardins at 6:14 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

I've lived in MD my whole life and never had a Smith Island Cake. I'd rather say it's Baltimore's Bergers Cookies "The Anytime Cookie"
posted by stbalbach at 6:18 AM on September 8, 2014 [7 favorites]

Illinois gets brownies. I have no complaints.

I was chuckling to myself imagining what Colorado's dessert would be and... yep, there it is.
posted by obfuscation at 6:19 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

"New York
Cheesecake"

We cool for now, Slate.
posted by griphus at 6:20 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

BARS.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:20 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Sugar Cream Pie SUCKS; it's a dessert where the only ingredient is basically sugar, for Christ sakes. The proper Indiana dessert should be persimmon pudding, which is awesome, flavorful, and made from a little known but native fruit.
posted by leotrotsky at 6:21 AM on September 8, 2014 [5 favorites]

Kringle (Wisconsin) is breakfast food, not dessert.

Clearly, they don't know what dessert means. Frozen Lemonade is also pretty much never eaten after a meal but as a snack or a thirst-quencher/heat-beater at outdoor events. I dispute you, Slate!
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:21 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Boston cream pie is the obvious choice for Mass. because duh, but I would make the case that it's actually ice cream. Ice cream shops stay open year round and I've seen Bostonians emerge from JP Licks with ice cream cones in February. At night. In a blizzard.
posted by the painkiller at 6:21 AM on September 8, 2014 [12 favorites]

This map is full of wrong and fail.

Pennsylvania: Shoo Fly Pie. What the fuck do banana splits have to do with PA? None. It has none to do with Pennsylvania.
Ohio: Buckeyes are candy not dessert.
Massachusetts: Only tourists eat Boston Cream Pie. Even though it is delicious.
Rhode Island. Cabinet. Or frappe. There is no other answer.
North Carolina: Sweet potato pie is definitely a thing here, but not nearly as easy to find or avidly defended as chess pie. Virginia can go find something else to brag about. Toasted commuter with traffic jam or something.
posted by ardgedee at 6:22 AM on September 8, 2014 [14 favorites]

Damn, I hate banana splits. Take a perfectly good ice cream sundae and ruin it by adding that nasty gross squishy fruit.
posted by octothorpe at 6:23 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

And I agree with the painkiller: Ice cream is taken far more seriously in Massachusetts than Boston Cream Pie is. As a runner up, I propose donuts.
posted by ardgedee at 6:23 AM on September 8, 2014 [6 favorites]

I dispute you, Slate!

That's their business model!
posted by Panjandrum at 6:24 AM on September 8, 2014 [20 favorites]

Smith Island cake is certainly good, but I'd vote for the snowball to be Maryland's official dessert.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 6:24 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

stbalbach: I've lived in MD my whole life and never had a Smith Island Cake. I'd rather say it's Baltimore's Bergers Cookies "The Anytime Cookie"

You won't say that after you have a Smith Island Cake. I don't even like cake and it's delicious.

Got to admit, Berger Cookies are just fudge on a suger cookie. I don't see what the big deal is. I feel bad saying that as a Marylander, but they just don't impress me.
posted by spaltavian at 6:25 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

I've lived in Massachusetts all my life and I don't think I've ever had Boston Cream Pie. I agree, it should be ice cream. Chocolate chip on a sugar cone with Jimmies. I had one just yesterday.
posted by bondcliff at 6:26 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Georgia, the peach state, predictably gets peach cobbler, while the actual leading producer of peaches, South Carolina, gets coconut cake? As a Georgian this amuses me greatly.

Georgia could also have gotten pecan pie and Texas could have pralines instead.
posted by TedW at 6:27 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

There's a lot that sucks about living in Florida. But having Key Lime Pie as our dessert? I'm totally cool with that.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:27 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

One of my best friends from home (NH) is now a baker in San Francisco, and has opened her own Whoopie Pie business, After Suppa, catering to homesick New Englanders with fancy whoopie pies of many varieties.
posted by ChuraChura at 6:27 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

Kringle is breakfast food - like coffee cake! I've never seen it served as dessert except maybe pot lucks.

Seven-layer bars for Minnesota are pretty apt, though maybe a rhubarb dish would be more appropriate.
posted by schnee at 6:28 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

When I think of Louisiana I think of pralines. Also, as a Mississippian I've eaten way more pecan pie than MS mud pie.

On preview, hah TedW!
posted by echocollate at 6:29 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Got to admit, Berger Cookies are just fudge on a sugar cookie. I don't see what the big deal is.

And it's the cakey kind of sugar cookie. Berger's cookies are iconic, but a little underwhelming.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 6:30 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Rhubarb bars!
posted by Esteemed Offendi at 6:30 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Rhode Island. Cabinet. Or frappe. There is no other answer.

No way -- they have those everywhere, cabinet is just a state-specific nickname. Del's was definitely the right choice here.
posted by likeatoaster at 6:31 AM on September 8, 2014

Clearly, they don't know what dessert means. Frozen Lemonade is also pretty much never eaten after a meal but as a snack or a thirst-quencher/heat-beater at outdoor events. I dispute you, Slate!

In Slate's defense, it's Official State Sweet, and you people love Frozen Lemonade enough for it to count for me.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:35 AM on September 8, 2014

Come to think of it, Jell-O is one of the only desserts that is made out of meat.



◉_◉


I mean yes i know this I just don't say it out loud to myself like that.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:36 AM on September 8, 2014 [13 favorites]

I am normally completely emotionally detached from these State Stuff lists, but the entries for both of my homes (CA and DC) were big bummers. Meyer lemon? Cupcakes? Grrarggh.
posted by psoas at 6:38 AM on September 8, 2014

candy not dessert.

wut
posted by likeatoaster at 6:38 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

North Carolina getting sweet potato pie is enough to make me love this list, because sweet potato pie is the Best Pie.

No. Shut up. You're wrong. BEST PIE.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:39 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

North Dakota - krumkake?

I've never even HEARD of that.
posted by Windigo at 6:43 AM on September 8, 2014

Initially I found it extremely offensive that pumpkin pie was left off the list, given that pumpkin pie is the best pie. After some cooling off though, I realize that pumpkin pie must be the national dessert, as opposed to just some state dessert.

If however you were going to award pumpkin pie to just one state, then you'd likely give it to Virginia since it's perhaps the oldest really American dessert representing a fusion of European cuisine and North American ingredients.
posted by jeffburdges at 6:44 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Pumpkin pie is just sweet potato pie for Yankees who don't know any better.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:47 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

Oregon's dessert was on-point. Good job!
posted by oceanjesse at 6:48 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

As a native of the other large city in Missouri, I'm generally annoyed with national media saying "Thing from St. Louis == Representative of all of Missouri" but I will make an exception for Gooey Butter Cake, which is fuckin' delicious.
posted by dismas at 6:49 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Fudge as Michigan's choice is right on.
posted by willF at 6:49 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Massachusetts' should be the Chocolate Chip Cookie.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:51 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

North Dakota - krumkake?

I've never even HEARD of that.

North Dakota is a state in the top center of the U.S. Its chief exports are shale oil and nuclear weaponry.
posted by Etrigan at 6:51 AM on September 8, 2014 [32 favorites]

One of the only items of personal property that my parents fought about during their divorce was the krumkake iron.
posted by Area Man at 6:52 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Umm, sweet potatoes come from Central or South America, not even North American Indians had them. I donno if sweet potatoes are native to Puerto Rico even. Pumpkin wins!
posted by jeffburdges at 6:54 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

Texas: Pecan pie.

Yep.
posted by Midnight Skulker at 6:55 AM on September 8, 2014

We always called seven layer bars "magic cookie bars." I didn't realize it was a branded thing.
posted by desjardins at 6:57 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Gooey butter cake for Missouri is spot-on. (Gooey butter cookies: also acceptable) I just moved to Indiana, though, and sugar cream pie DID sound like total bullshit. I'll be hunting for persimmon pudding now, thanks leotrotsky.
posted by almostmanda at 6:57 AM on September 8, 2014

Whatever your stupid reasoning is, Slate, you cannot give Nanaimo bars to any state in the US.
posted by jeather at 6:58 AM on September 8, 2014 [10 favorites]

the painkiller: "Boston cream pie is the obvious choice for Mass. because duh, but I would make the case that it's actually ice cream. Ice cream shops stay open year round and I've seen Bostonians emerge from JP Licks with ice cream cones in February. At night. In a blizzard."

Growing up in Massachusetts, I didn't realize until I moved away for school that eating ice cream in the winter was considered abnormal.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:59 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

I can't argue with Gooey Butter Cake as emblematic of Missouri (or of St. Louis at least), but if we're going to equate St. Louis with all of Missouri, why not the ice cream cone? Legend says that the cone was invented at the St. Louis World's Fair in 1904, when an ice cream vendor, conveniently parked next to a waffle vendor, ran out of dishes for his ice cream. The waffle vendor quickly rolled up a waffle to serve as a receptacle for the ice cream, and we collectively never looked back.

I loves me some GBC, but ice cream cones have made it all the way around the world. Show the cone some love!
posted by Liesl at 7:01 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Banana pudding?! BANANA PUDDING!? Now I'm not saying we Tennesseans do not enjoy a good banana pudding, but clearly the Slate writers felt like being lazy with their research, because there's only one true God when it comes to sweets in Tennessee. I'll see your goddamn banana pudding and raise you the 20th annual RC-Moonpie festival.

God I miss Moonpies.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:01 AM on September 8, 2014 [6 favorites]

I too moved to Indiana recently from MN, I miss all the charmingly weird Scandinavian food things. Indiana is pretty white noise wrt food.
posted by Ferreous at 7:06 AM on September 8, 2014

1. Come to think of it, Jell-O is one of the only desserts that is made out of meat.

Hmm. Not to be argumentative for its own sake, but off the top of my head:

• Spotted dick / spotted dog, in fact any proper pudding contains suet, and lots of it. Suet is rendered animal fat, which is a lot more 'meat' than the gelatin in Jell-o.
• As I've mentioned elsewhere on MeFi, until the 1970s nearly any commercial baked item, sweet or savory, contained lard, which again, ditto. Specifically, Oreos and Fig Newtons.
• Mincemeat, proper mincemeat, as in mincemeat pie, contains minced meat.
• Blancmange originally contained chicken.
• Any number of European sweet pastries contain sausage and other processed meats.

2. What is Slate now, some kind of backdoor WPA project for unemployed feature writers?
 
posted by Herodios at 7:10 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Sugar Cream Pie SUCKS; it's a dessert where the only ingredient is basically sugar, for Christ sakes. The proper Indiana dessert should be persimmon pudding, which is awesome, flavorful, and made from a little known but native fruit.

Persimmon pudding is the best. My family makes it twice a year - they stock up on locally grown frozen persimmon pulp so they can have it once out of season. (And this is a particular US variant of persimmons - they don't travel and they're not the same as the Asian ones. If you don't live where they're grown, you're virtually out of luck.)

My sainted grandmother once attempted to rob a neighbor's persimmon tree and was chased off. (In fairness, she had some reason to believe that it was a deserted and unclaimed tree due to the apparent condition of the house.)
posted by Frowner at 7:12 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

As a second generation Floridian and lover of key lime pie, it's depressingly difficult to find good examples of the aforementioned dessert in this state.

Let's not talk about the fact that Google changed the name of the Android K release from Key Lime Pie to KitKat at the last minute. Ugh.
posted by dcormier at 7:13 AM on September 8, 2014

Indiana is pretty white noise wrt food.

ALSO BEER.
posted by almostmanda at 7:14 AM on September 8, 2014

Del's was definitely the right choice here.

But who has a Del's for dessert, either at home or in a restaurant? Del's is an iconic snack. This is as silly as the attempted to get calamari declared "RI state appetizer."
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:14 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Also, I have just realized that you can get gooey butter cake at A Baker's Wife in Minneapolis, but....they call it "Mankato Bars". I am a little bit shocked by this revelation - not just pirating and renaming the cake itself, but calling it a bar! Insult to injury!
posted by Frowner at 7:15 AM on September 8, 2014

Ice cream shops stay open year round and I've seen Bostonians emerge from JP Licks with ice cream cones in February. At night. In a blizzard.

Arguably it is better to eat ice cream in the winter because then it won't melt in your hand.
posted by backseatpilot at 7:15 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Oh god you're in St Joe County too, I'm so sorry.

So so sorry.
posted by Ferreous at 7:15 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Misread as "Official desert," and spent no small number of idle seconds working out my best guesses before following the link to see how close I had come.

Better luck next time, Escalante.
posted by belarius at 7:21 AM on September 8, 2014

IIRC, they try to make Marshmallow Fluff the official state ... something in Massachusetts every few years. It may have passed, haven't been paying attention.
posted by Melismata at 7:21 AM on September 8, 2014

I'm ok with thing for the peach thing for GA but I do agree that pecan pie would be a better fit. Quick peach dumpling recipe......wrap peach slices (chunks) in crescent rolls. Put in a buttered pyrex. Pour a mixture of melted butter, sugar and cinnamon on top......pour a cup of Fanta orange around the dumplings then bake at 350 for 45 min till golden brown. Unhealthy as hell but sooo good!!! Works with apples too....
posted by pearlybob at 7:22 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Indiana is pretty white noise wrt food.

ALSO BEER.

That's because you're new, and therefore ignorant of your new terroir. Ever heard of Three Floyds? Munster, Indiana.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:22 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Also, Sun King, Triton, etc...
posted by leotrotsky at 7:22 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

At least we can all agree that Michigan can own the fudge.

Fudge is not unique to Michigan, and Michigan fudge is not distinctive. Hell, the locals call tourists "fudgies" because nobody else buys that shit. But in the decade-plus that I spent as a Michigan resident, I can't think of a damn thing that might better represent the state as a dessert.
posted by ardgedee at 7:22 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

IIRC, they try to make Marshmallow Fluff the official state ... something in Massachusetts every few years.

The official state sign of failure.
posted by bondcliff at 7:25 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

...and if you're that far north, you should be able to get Michigan beers as well, which means Bell's and Founders, which means EDITED FOR ANGRY OUTBURST.

I miss Bell's.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:26 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

I used to live in Bloomington, we had Upland which wasn't too bad. I'm just spoiled after the one two punch of Minnesota and Pittsburgh. Those are some proper beer zones.
posted by Ferreous at 7:28 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

> I miss Bell's.

Short's. You miss Short's beer. I know I do, and I sympathize with you over this.
posted by ardgedee at 7:33 AM on September 8, 2014

I've been to more cookouts in NC than I can count and never once has anyone ever brought a homemade sweet potato pie. NOT ONCE. But, by god, you know there will be banana puddin' there.
But this should be the official NC dessert: Atlantic Beach Pie.
posted by NoMich at 7:35 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

I've lived in MD my whole life and never had a Smith Island Cake.

Our state sport is jousting. I've made Smith Island cake (which is super easy despite what TFA writer seems to think) but I've only seen jousting at Ren Fair.

Our state exercise is walking. No, seriously. Because Maryland doesn't give an actual fuck about state identify. We're "Little America"!
posted by zennie at 7:35 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Salt water taffy is not even close to being dessert. I would have at least respected blueberry pie, since the blueberry is the NJ official state fruit and you can have it at the diner with terrible coffee.
posted by lyssabee at 7:36 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Our state sport is jousting.

And it should stay that way. You want the lacrosse bros to win?
posted by Ham Snadwich at 7:38 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Out state team sport is lacrosse, though.
posted by spaltavian at 7:38 AM on September 8, 2014

Ugh. I didn't know that happened. Is our state hat a carefully distressed baseball cap now?
posted by Ham Snadwich at 7:40 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Rhubarb was the official dessert of the Frowner family when I grew up in Illinois - stringy and stewed, or bitter and embedded in cake. I had no idea that it was a Minnesota thing. Maybe it's just a Swede thing.

Strangely, I really like rhubarb now. But oh, those bitter days of childhood when you'd think you were getting dessert for once and it would just be nasty rhubarb from the garden.
posted by Frowner at 7:41 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

I'm curious to see how this compares to my compilation of MeFi state foods.
posted by zamboni at 7:46 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Nanaimo Bars for Washington is the clearest declaration of war that I've ever heard.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:47 AM on September 8, 2014 [6 favorites]

I was shocked to discover as a kid that there were people who didn't have rhubarb growing out next to the garage. I assumed everyone grew rhubarb even if they didn't do any other gardening.
posted by Area Man at 7:48 AM on September 8, 2014 [5 favorites]

At one point in Southern MN I saw rhubarb growing in an extremely large pothole in the road. It is common as dirt out there.
posted by Ferreous at 7:53 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

According to the New Orleans Code of Ordinances it is illegal for a restaurant to open up in this city without bread pudding on the menu. Sure, Bananas Foster is a good dessert, and though its restaurant of origin has closed, many of the other fine establishments owned by the Brennan family still serve it.

But bread pudding, though. You can't make a good bread pudding without the French bread we bake down here, and that French bread is everywhere. That's why every corner po-boy joint that wants to take that Next Step Towards Fancy starts by adding a bread pudding to their menu. There's white chocolate bread pudding with slivered almonds at Vincent's. There's Krispy Kreme bread pudding at Boucherie. There's every other kind of bread pudding besides at every other restaurant in town.

Kentucky, I'm sorry. ALL THESE DESSERTS ARE YOURS EXCEPT BREAD PUDDING. ATTEMPT NO LANDING THERE.

The author of this hatchet job says "There’s bread pudding, which I gave to Kentucky on a bourbon-related technicality" - you know what? Put Bourbon in a glass - that's dessert. Give Kentucky their Bourbon, give us the bread pudding.

off to go print snarky t-shirts or light a fire in a trash can and start a riot or something
posted by komara at 7:57 AM on September 8, 2014 [9 favorites]

Yeah as a lifelong resident of Washington state I guess I've heard of Nanaimo bars, may have had it (once), but official state dessert? Clearly chosen by somebody who's never been here. I'd pick marionberry pie maybe.
posted by trunk muffins at 8:00 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Interesting choices for North and South Dakota. They've given the Norwegian delicacy to ND and the German-from-Russia slice to SD, when actually there's plenty of both in either state. I'm of Scandinavian descent and there are a variety of desserts to pick from (rossettes, Rømmegrøt - the staple of the Norsk Høstfest, some might even call lefse a dessert). Krumkake is a fine choice but I've never seen it pictured as waffle cone like the Slate map does. Then again, the picture of kuchen is strange as well. My wife is GfR and kuchen is the DOMINANT dessert. Once she started bringing kuchen to my family the orders for more didn't stop coming until we moved out of state. In fact, she should make me some now.
posted by Ber at 8:13 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Texas could have pralines instead.

Texas can pull the pralines from Louisiana's sticky dead hands.

In fact, I'm a little miffed that any state besides Louisiana is claiming pecan pie.

And that Maryland claim on snowballs? Bah. That's Louisiana through and through.

Oh no. I'm the Ensign Chekov of desserts.
posted by Sara C. at 8:21 AM on September 8, 2014

I don't know that Nebraska has any characteristic dessert at all, so I can't propose an alternative. But I want to jump into this discussion nonetheless, purely to disavow any responsibility for popcorn balls. Because those things are straight nasty.
posted by Ipsifendus at 8:24 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

I understand why the Canadians are upset about nanaimo bars, I really am, it's vigorous cultural appropriation. But as a twenty-year resident of Seattle, when I saw this headline, my first thought was "Goddamn Washington state had better be nanaimo bars."

I would also have accepted marionberry pie, though. When I first moved here in the late nineties, I assumed the name was a joke. BUT IT IS NOT.
posted by KathrynT at 8:24 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Cowboy cookies are really popular in Montana. Never had a s'mores out there but I didn't do a lot of camping.
posted by desjardins at 8:34 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

In fact, I'm a little miffed that any state besides Louisiana is claiming pecan pie.

Pecan pie is the quintessential Texas dessert. With every bit of pecan pie, you become a bit more Texan, like it or not. Each pecan, if it could speak, would cry out "Remember the Alamo!" When the wind blows through the leaves of pecan trees at night, you can just make out the opening notes of "Deep in the Heart of Texas." It is a noble, proud dessert, totally unsuited to drunken marches through the French Quarter or bead-fueled bacchanalias. I don't know what y'all eat over in the gator infested bayous of Louisiana, and I don't particularly care to know. If your po boys and gumbos are sometimes followed by pecan pie then I am glad that you are raising your sights to such worthy pursuits, and I implore you to treat each slice with the honor it is due.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 8:35 AM on September 8, 2014 [11 favorites]

reason you find banana pudding at gatherings in NC is that sweet potato pie is way too good to share; banana pudding is easy and good enough. We don't trust others with our family heirloom recipe that's been handed down over generations.

And have you ever seen the sacrilege of an other helping themselves to a big slice of swee'tater pie at a family gathering?? Why, that's just wrong because they don't know that you're suppose to take a small sliver to be sure everyone has some and ensure there's cold leftovers for breakfast tomorrow. Heck some outsiders even put whipped topping or ice cream on swee'tater pie which is a horrible tragedy and unholy insult to the cook and generations that proceeded 'em.
While y'all are nice enough that we'll share our homemadefromscratch nanner puddin, there's no way we'd let you embarass yourselves with improper knowledge of our holy pie: it's just not neighborly and we don't want to start another rift between "us" and themwhos-don'dt-know-no-bet'r...
posted by mightshould at 8:36 AM on September 8, 2014

New Jersey should have been zeppoles. Salt water taffy is not a foodstuff, it's a souvenir of the boardwalk, like a keyring. Zeppoles are something you actually eat down the shore.

Better, of course, if you can get them made by Italian grandmas at a church bazaar.
posted by apparently at 8:36 AM on September 8, 2014 [6 favorites]

North Dakota - krumkake?

I've never even HEARD of that.

posted by Windigo

Well, maybe if you could stop eating people for a darn minute...
posted by Panjandrum at 8:37 AM on September 8, 2014 [5 favorites]

I was prepared to argue with whatever they came up with for Louisiana, but this is well reasoned out and accurate.

Louisiana
Bananas Foster
Louisiana has an unfair number of desserts it could plausibly assert ownership of. There’s king cake, which seems too Mardi Gras–specific to represent the Creole State year round. There’s bread pudding, which I gave to Kentucky on a bourbon-related technicality. There are beignets, which are usually eaten more for breakfast or a snack than for dessert.

Then there’s bananas Foster: invented in New Orleans, adequately boozy, easy to set on fire. Both festive enough for Louisiana’s pre-Lenten revelries and simple enough to make any other time of the year. Yes, bananas Foster will do quite nicely.
posted by ColdChef at 8:42 AM on September 8, 2014

And that Maryland claim on snowballs? Bah. That's Louisiana through and through.

From my cold, sticky, dead hands.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 8:43 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Cowboy cookies are really popular in Montana. Never had a s'mores out there but I didn't do a lot of camping. Yeah, I'm a 4th generation wyomingite and I've never had cowboy cookies on any kind of regular basis. Montana should have been something like huckleberry pie or flathead cherry pie. *smacks lips at the thought of flathead cherries* And like everything else wrong with this article, they claimed Smores should be the state dessert because part of Yellowstone is in Montana.

3% OF YELLOWSTONE IS IN MONTANA. 3%. WHY DOES EVERYBODY GIVE YELLOWSTONE TO FUCKING MONTANA. 3 FUCKING PERCENT. FUCK YOU SLATE YOU AND YOUR BAD DESSERT CHOICES AND YOUR NATIONAL PARK CREDIBILITY.
posted by barchan at 8:44 AM on September 8, 2014 [7 favorites]

For the 20th Anniversary MeFi Meetup in 2019 (Held, of course, in New Orleans), we should have one MeFite from each state bring their official state dessert. And after we gorge: suicide pact.
posted by ColdChef at 8:44 AM on September 8, 2014 [9 favorites]

komara: Sure, Bananas Foster is a good dessert, and though its restaurant of origin has closed, many of the other fine establishments owned by the Brennan family still serve it.

You had me goin' for a minnit there, buddy. But it looks like the name, assets -- intellectual and otherwise -- and the building at 417 Royal were purchased lock, stock, stock and barrel by a Brennan cousin, who AFAIK intends to reopen it later this fall -- as Brennans. Inquire within.
posted by Herodios at 8:46 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

ColdChef > And after we gorge: suicide pact.

Flagged as Pepsi-Code-Blue.
posted by Westringia F. at 8:48 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

I also disagree greatly with anyone trying to give Nanaimo bars to a state! I'm hard pressed to think of a single dessert that I'd give to Ontario... maybe Beaver Tails for lack of any other ideas? I haven't eaten one in years but the tourist industry trots them out on a fairly regular basis.

We definitely eat Ice Cream in the winter as well, and Rhubarb definitely grows like the weed it is here and Rhubarb pie (sometimes with strawberries) was a frequent (and unwelcome) dessert in my younger years (though I quite like it now)
posted by cirhosis at 8:54 AM on September 8, 2014

WHY DOES EVERYBODY GIVE YELLOWSTONE TO FUCKING MONTANA

Here's a recurring theme on MeFi: Resentment at being required to learn about geography in school.

On the other hand, I have literally never heard of anyone asserting that Yellowstone was "in" Montana. So I'm not clear on where you're getting your 'everybody'.
 
posted by Herodios at 8:54 AM on September 8, 2014

Man, I talk shit about Florida like I was breathing but I have nothing but praise for Key Lime Pie. Good on ya, Florida.

Similarly, Cheesecake was perfect for NY, having grown up in Texas with a dad whose pecan tree was perhaps his most prized possession, I can't argue there either.

I find it funny that when they did this a year ago, the Cowboy Cookie was named the state food of Colorado and everybody (myself included) called foul as we'd never even heard of such a thing. I guess the difference is that people actually live in Colorado and thus can get offended, while Wyoming remains blissfully resident-free.

Also, I have lived in Maryland and not heard of Smith Island Cake until today but now it is the only thing I want in this world.

Well, that and the New Orleans 20th Meet-up. We're all still talking about the 9th Anniversary one.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:58 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

With every bit of pecan pie, you become a bit more Texan, like it or not.

I... I feel so violated. I need time to process this, and to go buy an obnoxiously large hat.
posted by echocollate at 9:00 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

And that Maryland claim on snowballs? Bah. That's Louisiana through and through.

Lousiana was 80 years late to the party. The ice block shaver was invented in Lousiana in 1934; before that New Orleans was just serving Italian ice, and even now thats basically what it is; "fruit flavoring over ice that’s been shaved so fine it’s nearly liquid".

Baltimore started actual snow balls in the 1870s.
posted by spaltavian at 9:00 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Banana pudding is intrinsically mediocre-to-yucky fare you can find at church potlucks all over the country. NC proponents of it are not thinking clearly at all. If you want to go the potluck dish route, something like ambrosia is at least distinctively southern. And sweet potato pie not as NC as chess pie, Wat?!
posted by batfish at 9:00 AM on September 8, 2014

Herodios: "You had me goin' for a minnit there, buddy. But it looks like the name, assets -- intellectual and otherwise -- and the building at 417 Royal were purchased lock, stock, stock and barrel by a Brennan cousin, who AFAIK intends to reopen it later this fall -- as Brennans."

There should be a book - or a series of books even - on the Brennan family, the splits, the disagreements, the intrigue, etc. It's a deep mess. Anyway, when Brennan's on Royal shuttered last year we all felt like some sort of Ancient One had fallen. For months no one knew what would happen, and then someone started gutting it and re-doing it and then SURPRISE it came back as Brennan's. Now we just wait to see if it's one of those "the old restaurant in name only" or if they can really capture the spirit of the old place now that they tore out its guts. I'll wait for someone else to judge that for me - I felt Brennan's was a bit stuffy and antiquated, as are most of the Brennan's properties (on both sides of the split).

ColdChef: "I was prepared to argue with whatever they came up with for Louisiana, but this is well reasoned out and accurate."

Listen, son, you're either with me or against me here on the bread pudding issue. Which is it gonna be? You have time to retract your statement before I start driving out towards wherever you are.
posted by komara at 9:00 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Cherries barely grow in Iowa so no. Bananas Foster for Louisiana, as it was invented there, is a good choice. Pecan pie would be as well.

I might have to form a 51^st state just so Slate can accomodate lemon squares.

This is a fun article.
posted by vapidave at 9:01 AM on September 8, 2014

*steps across the line to the anti-bread-pudding side*
posted by echocollate at 9:02 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

echocollate: "*steps across the line to the anti-bread-pudding side*"

I don't know you but I can tell you from here that this is a bad way to start your Monday. Those who dare oppose us will be stood knee-deep in banana liqueur and set ablaze.

[okay no but for serious there's nothing wrong with Bananas Foster and it's true that it's a very Louisiana dessert. I just have some big big love for bread pudding is all, and you don't have to use Bourbon to make it, so the author's justification in giving it to Kentucky rankles me.]
posted by komara at 9:08 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

> At least we can all agree that Michigan can own the fudge.

Bumpy cake.
posted by user92371 at 9:09 AM on September 8, 2014

The good Lord knows I love bread pudding, but until they start setting that shit on fire at your table, Bananas Foster squeaks by just on presentation. I'll meet you somewhere along I10 with my pocketknife drawn.
posted by ColdChef at 9:09 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

(Also, I kinda have to give komara props for his bread pudding love. For the 10th anniversary MeFi Meetup in New Orleans, a dozen of us GORGED on the Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding at Boucherie and it was teeth-achingly wonderful)
posted by ColdChef at 9:11 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Why not firey banana bread pudding then.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:12 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

I tell you what, we'll met in Laplace and I'll make some banana-tasso bread pudding flambe. Best of all three worlds: savory, sweet, and on fire.
posted by komara at 9:12 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

On the other hand, I have literally never heard of anyone asserting that Yellowstone was "in" Montana. So I'm not clear on where you're getting your 'everybody'. That's because I'm waging a lone, vigilant battle where I correct everyone who does this (I'm looking at you, National Geographic twitter feed). Seriously, if you pay attention, it does happen frequently - Montanta's own tourism ads don't help - and as someone who does believe geography is useful, it bugs me. Especially in articles like this when Montana could have had huckleberry pie or huckleberry ice cream but gets... smores. Eh, give the smores to Wyoming - Yellowstone and the Tetons if they're going to use the camping reasoning, and it's not like WY has any cool dessert of its own or deserves cowboy cookies, it's main commodity is tourism and one of the biggest private employers is Wal-mart - and give Montana delicious huckleberry ice cream. Mmmm, delicious, wonderful huckleberry ice cream, which is worth driving to Montana to get. That's a worthwhile metric of a state dessert.
posted by barchan at 9:14 AM on September 8, 2014

> banana-tasso bread pudding flambe. Best of all three worlds: savory, sweet, and on fire.

I hate bananas and yet that sounds fucking delish.
posted by Westringia F. at 9:15 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

I can't argue with the New York cheesecake; milk is our top agricultural commodity, and we're the nation's 4th largest producer of dairy products.

I also would have accepted apple pie, since we're the #2 apple producer and we've got The Big Apple. And because my Mom's apple pie is pretty killer.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:21 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Westringia F.: "I hate bananas and yet that sounds fucking delish."

Yeah, I said it as a joke and yet ... I can't stop thinking about it. It's similar to that trend of putting bacon in everything, except adding tasso to something is like adding vaguely pig-flavored smoke, and ... yeah. Yeah. There might have to be Experiments happening at my house this weekend. I'll let you know.
posted by komara at 9:31 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

SHAVE ICE
posted by book 'em dano at 9:37 AM on September 8, 2014

Yeah, it seems like this article was wrong about quite a few things. I don't disagree about the NM biscochitos, but AZ shouldn't get the sopapilla at all. Two reasons, the primary being that it's a side dish, not a dessert!!! Secondly, they even admit to giving it to AZ because it's a SW dessert, not because it's an AZ thing.

Pecan Pie... mmmmm! To me, it always will be Oklahoman, because my grandmother made the best pecan pie. She shelled the pecans herself, from the tree in her yard, and despite her arthritis. She also mastered the pie crust, which I still can't even.
posted by annsunny at 9:41 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Maple candies are all fine and dandy, but Vermont's should be a slice of apple pie with a slice of (white, sharp) cheddar cheese on top.
posted by idiopath at 9:56 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Apple pie was explicitly excluded from consideration as being "too American" to tie to any one state.
posted by NoxAeternum at 10:00 AM on September 8, 2014

ice cream cones in February. At night. In a blizzard.

Every winter (in Chicago), I am surprised by the number of people who are surprised to see me walking around eating an ice cream cone in the snow. The two things are made for each other.
posted by crush-onastick at 10:00 AM on September 8, 2014

I kinda feel like Texas' official dessert should be one of those faux ice cream things crapped out of a machine at a Sonic or Dairy Queen.
posted by scatter gather at 10:01 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

As a famous gourmand once said, “tastes so good, makes a grown man cry.” Every year at the annual fundraiser known as Veishea, Iowa State students sell thousands of cherry pies to raise money for the Veishea Cherry Pie Scholarship Fund. This bake sale tradition has been going on since 1920.

I'm ok with cherry pie for Iowa - lots of sour cherries, which are best for the pie, do grow there. However, Slate seriously needs to do some fact checking Veishea is a controversial drunken, often rapey, spring riot/party that has been permanently cancelled. It's been a problem for decades - twenty years ago high school bands would march in the annual parade only to have drunken frat boys walk through the ranks and feel up the 14-18 year old females. Not a shining moment for Iowa.
posted by Muddler at 10:08 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

If anyone not in St. Louis wants to try gooey butter cake made at the point of origin, a company called Gooey Louie makes and ships several different varieties.

(Oddly, the website says the shopping cart function is shut down "for summer," but you can still see the various types & sizes of cakes, and there's a phone number at which they presumably would be able to take your order.)
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 10:09 AM on September 8, 2014

> Boston cream pie is the obvious choice for Mass. because duh, but I would make the case that it's actually ice cream. Ice cream shops stay open year round ...

I knew I had become a Bostonian when I found myself walking across Harvard and the thought flashed through my mind that I needed to pay more attention to evenly licking my ice cream cone, because it was about to drip on my glove.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:09 AM on September 8, 2014 [9 favorites]

No way is Iowa's dessert cherry pie instead of scotcharoos.
posted by nicodine at 10:17 AM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

komara: Sure, Bananas Foster is a good dessert, and though its restaurant of origin has closed, many of the other fine establishments owned by the Brennan family still serve it.

You had me goin' for a minnit there, buddy. But it looks like the name, assets -- intellectual and otherwise -- and the building at 417 Royal were purchased lock, stock, stock and barrel by a Brennan cousin, who AFAIK intends to reopen it later this fall -- as Brennans. Inquire within.
posted by Herodios at 11:46 AM on September 8 [1 favorite +] [!]


Brennan's is closed?! Where will I get breakfast when I'm there next month? Maybe I can change my travel plans. It's probably too late to get the American Society of Anesthesiologists to move their annual convention. Although they did the last time it was supposed to be in New Orleans, 9 years ago.
posted by TedW at 10:35 AM on September 8, 2014

That was an ask question of mine sometime ago...There are many alternatives here, and in the thread as well of course. Great !
posted by nicolin at 10:41 AM on September 8, 2014

Fudge is for tourists. Michigan's dessert should be baklava.
posted by Tesseractive at 10:45 AM on September 8, 2014

Nowadays, elegant, not-too-sweet Meyer lemon cake is ubiquitous on West Coast restaurant menus.

Um. No.
posted by Sophie1 at 10:45 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Scotcharoos, a.k.a. Special K Bars?!? I thought that was just something in my Mom's Family (Eastern Nebraska) - wild to see other people make them. And yes, the bars in that picture do have too much chocolate on them, and I'd add a little more cereal too. You want flakes coated in syrup mixture, not a syrup matrix with flakes embedded in it. It seems I have opinions on American government, rye whiskey, and breakfast cereal-based desserts.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:52 AM on September 8, 2014

TedW: "Brennan's is closed?! Where will I get breakfast when I'm there next month?"

Here's a huge list of brunch options, many of which I can personally vouch for. I think most of them also have "breakfast" which I understand to be the thing that happens before brunch, though I have yet to be awake for it, and I don't think they serve liquor during it.
posted by komara at 10:59 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Can they do a specialty beverage map so that we can get coffee cabinets and egg creams and whatever you heathens from the hinterlands drink?
posted by Navelgazer at 11:06 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Scotcharoos are clearly Iowa's dessert niche.
posted by epj at 11:08 AM on September 8, 2014

IIRC, they try to make Marshmallow Fluff the official state ... something in Massachusetts every few years. It may have passed, haven't been paying attention.

Yes! Here in Somerville we have the annual What The Fluff?! festival because it was invented down the street. There is a display by the skating rink about it that long predates the festival.

Boston Cream Pie is certainly iconic, but there's a whole lot of people (well, it's not that many people, let's be real) from West of Worcester who'd be pretty upset by characterizing the entire state by one large eastern city that raises all of the state taxes, dammit. I'd like to argue that Massachusetts's state dessert ought to be chocolate chip cookies - Tollhouse cookies make one think of the Mass Pike which covers a lot more of the state. Fig Newtons are from Massachusetts too, but they should really be the state fruit and cake, if anything. My dad does love Indian Pudding, but the name is problematic and I think he's mostly likes it out of nostalgia. And we do eat an awful lot of (good!) ice cream here, but I swear half of that is the lack of other dessert options as Boston has a strange lack of diners, thus not enough pie.

Those are all classier options than what I am about to propose the true state dessert should be, which is this: Never-Fail Fudge. This, I feel, is a true state-wide dessert. It is one of the first things kids try to cook (they generally prove the name inaccurate). It is a recipe passed down from grandmother to granddaughter as if it is not on the jar. It is given to you at Christmas in quantities larger than you would ever eat and you have to pretend to love it. It is not very good. But I think it's a much more universal dessert than Boston Cream Pie, far more common than Boston Cream Pie, and still involves a key ingredient of Massachusetts origin.

Now, if they had suggested the Boston Cream Donut, they'd've had no arguments from me.
posted by maryr at 11:26 AM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

(I suggest Michigan get cherry pie for their tart cherries and Iowa can have... I don't know, fried dough maybe? That seems agricultural state-fair-y. Did anyone get oatmeal cookies?)
posted by maryr at 11:34 AM on September 8, 2014

- and give Montana delicious huckleberry ice cream. Mmmm, delicious, wonderful huckleberry ice cream, which is worth driving to Montana to get. That's a worthwhile metric of a state dessert.

Yeah, anything huckleberry would be the definitive Montana dessert
posted by Ber at 11:35 AM on September 8, 2014

Iowa can have one each of all other state desserts except they must deep-fry it and eat it off a stick in the hot summer sun.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:36 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

If you did that with a nanaimo bar you would die an instant happy death.
posted by KathrynT at 11:39 AM on September 8, 2014

maryr: Wyoming essentially got Oatmeal Cookies.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:40 AM on September 8, 2014

Fudge is for tourists. Michigan's dessert should be baklava.

Especially in the winter. When you're out skiing.

Or robbing banks.

Sorry, I can't identify the robber, Lieutenant. He had his face covered with a baklava.
posted by Herodios at 11:44 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

I used to live in Bloomington, we had Upland which wasn't too bad. I'm just spoiled after the one two punch of Minnesota and Pittsburgh. Those are some proper beer zones.

Upland Wheat Ale is the Official Beer of I JUST GOT TO IU AND I DON'T LIKE BEER YET
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:50 AM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Sir please look closely, is this a photo of the suspect?
posted by poffin boffin at 11:50 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

What is even UP with the Michigan fudge thing? Like, how did that get started? I don't think I had ever had fudge in my life or seen a business selling fudge until we went to a family reunion in Michigan and it was like fudge exploded all over the damn town.
posted by Sara C. at 11:50 AM on September 8, 2014

They were close for Michigan. It really should be Sanders hot fudge sundae.
posted by bonje at 11:54 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Also, is fudge a thing people enjoy? Even from a young age it always seemed like the most unpleasant chocolate-delivery-system. Maybe I simply haven't had good fudge or something but I feel like I've had enough to end the experiment.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:55 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Peanut butter fudge is better than some drugs I've tried. Allegedly.
posted by Sara C. at 11:56 AM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Fudge is really overwhelming, I can't even finish what is apparently a normal sized single serving of it. It's this dense cube of sugary madness and despair surpassing even the horrors of halvah.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:15 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

North Dakota is a state in the top center of the U.S. Its chief exports are shale oil and nuclear weaponry.

Well, WRT to the nuclear weapons, they haven't actually "exported" any quite yet….

And krumkake are yummy. /So says a slightly Norwegian-American guy
posted by wenestvedt at 12:23 PM on September 8, 2014

Holy shit, Berger cookies are the cookies my grandmother brought over with her every visit of my entire childhood. I don't know what DC-area bakery she got them from back then, but nowadays she says the only place nearby that does them right anymore is Woodmoor Bakery in Silver Spring.

We called them chocolate-top cookies, though, and at Woodmoor they call them fudge drop cookies. I had no idea they were a regional thing.
posted by nonasuch at 12:28 PM on September 8, 2014

I only had one banana chimichanga in California, and I can't even remember where, but I still ask for them whenever a waittron asks me if I saved room for dessert.
posted by Lukenlogs at 12:36 PM on September 8, 2014

North Dakota - krumkake?

I've never even HEARD of that.

Really? We had a guy whose wife took special orders to make them every Christmas. They're ok--basically they taste exactly like waffle cones minus the ice cream. So if you're the person who could never get enough of waffle cones, hey go for it and make krumkake.

In terms of desserts, krumkake is ok but man I've never seen as many monster cookies for sale as I saw in the state of North Dakota. Best. Cookie. Ever. Plenty of other states can claim that one, alas.

Also Minnesota would probably fight North Dakota for strawberry rhubarb pie but both states deserve it. Mmmm strawberry rhubarb pie.

As for California? Total swing and a miss. I've literally never seen Meyer lemon cakes on a menu in California. Admittedly, I can't think of an alternative but hey, I didn't research a whole article on it. Slate's really showing an East Coast bias with a lot of these choices.
posted by librarylis at 12:55 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yeah it's like THERE'S THIS ONE BAKERY IN MARYLAND THAT MAKES THESE COOKIES... and then for California, oh, ummmmm don't they have those weird Dean & Deluca lemons there?

That said I live in California and have no idea what the state dessert should be.
posted by Sara C. at 1:11 PM on September 8, 2014

Pecan pie is the quintessential Texas dessert. With every bit of pecan pie, you become a bit more Texan, like it or not. Each pecan, if it could speak, would cry out "Remember the Alamo!"

I guess that's why pecan pie is so delicious Alamo'ed.
posted by ilana at 1:19 PM on September 8, 2014 [11 favorites]

North Dakota - krumkake?

I've never even HEARD of that.

Hang out with the Lutherans more. Krumkake, and julekake, and lefse, and fruktsuppe. Yum, church basement food.

Before I clicked on Arizona I thought, "Bet it will be sopapillas. although I've only ever eaten them in New Mexico and Colorado." And lo, I was right. I always think of flan and almendrado as the most typical Sonoran restaurant desserts.
posted by Squeak Attack at 1:27 PM on September 8, 2014

Is this seriously an article about amazing-sounding desserts without associated pictures and links to recipes? What clown of an asshole editor approved that?
posted by turbid dahlia at 1:27 PM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]

Wisconsin's is TOTALLY wrong - it's the cream puff. ::sighs nostalgically::

Just go to the State Fair in West Allis in August.
posted by droplet at 1:32 PM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Has the author ever actually visited these states, much less eaten there? Because really, bread pudding for KY? What state doesn't have bread pudding? Derby Pie runs into trademark problems, but geez, I don't even like stack cake and I think it should probably be stack cake.
posted by dilettante at 1:38 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Now I want the author to do a nationwide dessert death march into diabetic oblivion, liveblogging all the while.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:50 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Alaska's state dessert should be akutaq, although I would never eat it because it squicks me out and it also gives you the shits.
posted by Foam Pants at 1:54 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

New Mexico bizcochito, wuuut?!?! I was thinking flan, or at the very least TRES LECHES cake, or even pan dulce if absolutely necessary. Or even one of those Mexican lollipops that are shaped like a corn cob and coated with chili powder. But bizcochitos? Really?!?!
posted by pravit at 3:06 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

... "pot candy"? seriously, Slate? that's the best you could do? What a lazy, calculated cheap shot that was.

Argh. I cry foul, as someone who used to so look forward to my beloved Denver auntie shipping us the annual Christmas box of delicious Enstrom's toffee.

it's obvious the writers at Slate don't know shit about Colorado, aside from tired cliche current-eventsy crap.

le sigh. At least they got Ohio right.
posted by lonefrontranger at 3:44 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

actually between Enstrom's and Rocky Mountain Chocolate Co., I believe a grand case could be made for the art of gourmet chocolates in general. Seriously, half the central Rockies is populated by ex-pat Swiss or Austrians lured here in the post WWII era for the alpine ski culture.
posted by lonefrontranger at 3:48 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

OR should be something with hazelnuts.
VA should be something with peanuts.
MA should be something with cranberry......
posted by brujita at 4:07 PM on September 8, 2014

This is nonsense. New Jersey's official dessert is obviously taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a roll.
posted by Flunkie at 4:08 PM on September 8, 2014

Or a bunch of Oreos and M&M's shoved into a Fat Sandwich.
posted by Navelgazer at 4:11 PM on September 8, 2014

As long as that Fat Sandwich with Oreos and M&Ms has taylor ham, egg, and cheese.
posted by Flunkie at 4:12 PM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

WRT North Carolina, I guess the "no brands" criterion takes the obvious choice (Krispy Kreme) off the table. But what about Moravian sugar cake?

(Can you tell I grew up in Winston- Salem?)
posted by oakroom at 4:34 PM on September 8, 2014

Boston Cream Pie is not often served in restaurants in Massachusetts, but my mother used to make it often, in our city just north of Boston (Lynn).

Somebody got salt water taffy? That's not dessert--it's candy, which is not dessert.
posted by EvelynU at 4:38 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

When I was a kid, I lived in the backwoods of RI, so running into a Del's truck somewhere was an occasion. Best of all was seeing one parked by the fire observation tower coming home from Sand Hill Cove. Perfect after-beach refreshment.

Now I have a Del's store down the street from my house. I can have a frosty frozen lemonade in hand 3 minutes after thinking of it. But here's the thing...I live in MASSACHUSETTS now! What's that all about?
posted by Biblio at 6:45 PM on September 8, 2014

Minnesota's is dumb. I could live with bars, but seven layer bars are the LAMEST bars.

Idaho's is Huckleberry Pie which as a lover of pie, I'm been kind of dying to try but apparently, it is impossible to find huckleberry anything outside of Idaho (believe me I've been looking).
posted by triggerfinger at 7:19 PM on September 8, 2014

Oooh, Jess Fink drew that.
posted by bunderful at 7:26 PM on September 8, 2014

A few thoughts..

• The choice of fudge for Michigan is somewhat problematic on several grounds.
• Despite its iconic status and connection to Michigan's tourism industry it's predominantly sold to visitors (i.e. fudgies) and not consumed by locals.
• More importantly it really applies only to a very small portion of the state (largely the summer tourist destinations of the northern Lower Peninsula.)
• However no appropriate state-wide alternative suggests itself. Eastern Michigan dessert culture is dominated by Detroit (hence the credible suggestions earlier in the thread for Sanders Hot Fudge and bumpy cake, and also for baklava though the latter is very geographically tied to the Detroit & Dearborn immigrant communities.) Whereas the western lower peninsula would lean towards a fruit-based dessert -- cherry pie, possibly, or blueberry buckle. And if the UP has a distinctive signature dessert I'm certainly not aware of it.
• The Washington choice is flawed as well. Let the Canadians have their Nanaimo bars back, the actual official dessert of Washington state is baked goods that are not supposed to contain coffee but which have inexplicably been adulterated with that substance.

posted by Nerd of the North at 8:10 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Man, stealing nanaimo bars is clearly wrong, but they are so freaking delicious that wanting to do so makes perfect sense.
posted by Akhu at 8:25 PM on September 8, 2014

Washington
Nanaimo bars

What.

I've lived here for 17 years now, and have never seen one. However, I can usually spot one in BC within 17 minutes of setting foot there.

My vote is coffee ice cream. Because coffee. And ice cream. And Washington State.
posted by spinifex23 at 9:19 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

Seriously - we have some incredible coffee ice cream here, made with coffee that has been roasted locally. In some cases, 'locally' means 'next block over'.
posted by spinifex23 at 9:25 PM on September 8, 2014

and yeah state fair agricultural midway dessert food starts and ends with FUNNEL CAKES oh god just the smell alone is enough to make me vaguely nostalgic for the days of my youth saving up all my spare change to go ride all the "throw-up-rides" as my mom called them. Iowa/Indiana/Wisconsin/Kansas/Ohio all pretty much have equal rights to the fried midway food group except for the part where they all have their own unique regional items as well.
posted by lonefrontranger at 11:13 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

also

> I've seen Bostonians emerge from JP Licks with ice cream cones in February. At night. In a blizzard.

While I certainly can make a case for Coloradans being passionate about artisanal chocolates (and they are), they are similarly insane about ice cream. One of the most "Colorado" things I can think of is going to the local Glacier ice cream place (open til 10PM every night of the year!) on cross-country skis in the midst of a raging upslope storm. And not only will there be a line out the door (as per usual), there's a diverse array of bikes and skis stacked around the entryway because who the fuck actually wants to drive in that shit?
posted by lonefrontranger at 11:35 PM on September 8, 2014

Like scones.

SCONES.

Look at the Washington State Fair, trying to be all gourmet and high class, among the carnies hawking cocaine mirrors and ambitious 4H teenagers showing off their prize goat.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:38 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait HOLD THE PHONES

how on earth is there no peanut butter pie listed ANYWHERE on here? I don't know where this alleged "food writer" is from, but how in the everloving sweet merry hell can there be any form of comprehensive dessert list which includes the Deep South that HAS NO PEANUT BUTTER PIE IN ANY FORM?!?!?!! And instead all I see are various banana abominations? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE AND I AM OUTRAGED.

a list of sweets that has no peanut butter pie in it is a list I cannot support good night sweet prince.
posted by lonefrontranger at 12:26 AM on September 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

> My vote is coffee ice cream. Because coffee. And ice cream. And Washington State.

Sorry. Coffee ice cream is owned by southeastern New England. Now and forever.

In that part of the country, coffee is a condiment. Coffee jello, coffee ice cream, coffee milk. They've been doing this since before Seattle was born. It doesn't belong to some upstarts just because of their addictions.
posted by ardgedee at 5:26 AM on September 9, 2014 [5 favorites]

Baltimore Peach Cake would also be an acceptable choice, although it's not exactly statewide.

Who has the best peach cake is an ongoing but slightly less contentious argument than who has the best crabcake around here.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 6:01 AM on September 9, 2014

I love this thread. Reminds me of the passionate Australia v NZ pavlova debates of my youth.

(Pav is ours, sorry Aussies. But don't worry - you've got lamington, which is far superior anyway.)
posted by lwb at 9:52 AM on September 9, 2014 [1 favorite]