The rabbit holes have higher rents

April 3, 2015 7:59 AM

The Ghost Of Grindr "On Wednesday Michael Musto has an item in his column that reads “We’ve all met someone online with attractive photos who then shows up at your door looking like something from Night of the Living Dead, but rumors are growing amongst app-happy gays of a real life ‘ghost trick’ who shows up at your apartment via Grindr, then vanishes into thin air (shady!). I don’t know what to think of this urban legend-y tale, but shaken witnesses are sticking by their stories, and police have been involved in a few incidents, so be careful out there, boys (and ghouls).”
posted by The Whelk (31 comments total)

What a strange The Thin Man-like story —part 1st-person urban legend, part technologically updated hardboiled detective story.

“You know that old cliché that there are thirty million people in the big city, and they all have a story to tell?”
“No.”
“Well, some people don’t, so they have to lie.”
posted by Doktor Zed at 8:16 AM on April 3, 2015 [14 favorites]

Some men like to meet in public first. Not me. Too much wasted time in bad lighting. Besides, I like door-to-door delivery. Sometimes it’s not exactly what you’d expected, but it’s late and you’re hungry, so you eat it anyway.

Unlike delivery, though, Grindr hook ups without meeting in public can be very unsafe. Especially in New York.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 8:21 AM on April 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Oh my god this was so so so good. Who is Mark Allen? What else is he writing?
posted by a manly man person who is male and masculine at 8:29 AM on April 3, 2015 [6 favorites]

This was great! Thanks for the post.
posted by en forme de poire at 8:40 AM on April 3, 2015

My favorite was the 'arguing with someone who doesn't read books.' Suddenly, some of my pet peeves make more sense.
posted by tofu_crouton at 8:40 AM on April 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

“So what’s a gay guy who only sleeps with ghosts called?”

“A sighs-queen.”

I'm doing one of those scream-cackle-witch laughs right now.
posted by Juliet Banana at 8:50 AM on April 3, 2015 [23 favorites]

Grindr hook ups without meeting in public can be very unsafe. Especially in New York.

Why especially in New York? I'm curious.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:52 AM on April 3, 2015

a manly man person who is male and masculine: "Who is Mark Allen? What else is he writing?"

What do you mean? Mark Allen the author died in 1968.

and is right behind you, in the mirror
posted by boo_radley at 8:55 AM on April 3, 2015 [15 favorites]

There are rumors Syfy’s Ghost Hunters started contacting people around town but canceled when the subject matter was deemed too seedy.

No! I would have totally watched that episode!
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:57 AM on April 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

What a strange The Thin Man-like story —part 1st-person urban legend, part technologically updated hardboiled detective story.

This really isn't very much reminiscent of The Thin Man at all, actually. The story isn't similar apart from involving something unexplained, which as a standard for comparison to any detective fiction would amount to setting the bar for "x-like story" on the ground, more or less.
posted by clockzero at 9:01 AM on April 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

Idk what I was expecting but it was definitely not something this awesome.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:05 AM on April 3, 2015 [7 favorites]

Loved this, thank you.
posted by automatic cabinet at 9:07 AM on April 3, 2015

Oh wow, creepy and sad. I was expecting an urban legend/creepypasta type thing, and this was so much better than that.
posted by yasaman at 9:12 AM on April 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

Mark Allen's webpage; there's one autobio detail in the story that seems to be true... (possibly not entirely safe for work).
posted by PandaMomentum at 9:37 AM on April 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Those photos that PandaMomentum linked to are so early-to-mid-1990s I feel like I'm confusedly telling people I'm bisexual again.

This story was absolutely fantastic and really captures the reality, and to be honest, the magic of sketchy online hookups.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:30 AM on April 3, 2015 [6 favorites]

> "This really isn't very much reminiscent of The Thin Man at all, actually."

Aw, I was really hoping for some Nick and Nora Charles style witty back-and-forth repartee with my gay ghost.
posted by kyrademon at 10:35 AM on April 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

To be fair, I commented somewhat hastily. Doctor Zed's observation is interesting in spite of the fact that I didn't see what he meant at first.
posted by clockzero at 10:37 AM on April 3, 2015

I think there may be some confusion between The Thin Man and The Slender Man.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 10:52 AM on April 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

(Sorry about the cryptic detective-novel allusion. Going into detail to explain the rather tenuous analogy I was trying to make could spoil the FPP's article, which is much more interesting as an unfolding tale in the first place.)
posted by Doktor Zed at 10:52 AM on April 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

Those photos that PandaMomentum linked to are so early-to-mid-1990s I feel like I'm confusedly telling people I'm bisexual again.

Yeah, knowing that made some of the odd ....90s-ness* of the writing make a lot more sense.

*i can't put it in words but it has an aura of 90s era Gayness despite the references to apps and such.
posted by The Whelk at 10:56 AM on April 3, 2015

Why especially in New York? I'm curious.

because of all the ghosts there, duh
posted by kagredon at 11:32 AM on April 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

I really enjoyed reading that. It was very, very well done. Thank you!
posted by daisyk at 12:21 PM on April 3, 2015

I love that I too thought there was some confusion about Thin Man/Slender Man and then Doktor Zed came in and schooled us all in the ways of Dashiell Hammett (which is funny because I've seen The Thin Man approximately a million times. Combining that with a story about gay online hookup culture pretty much makes this catnip for me.

[And for the record, in case there was any doubt, calling somebody's sexy shots "so early-to-mid-1990s" as I did earlier is 100% a compliment. The classics never go out of style.]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:03 PM on April 3, 2015

Urban myths and horror stories typically have moralistic tone, i.e. a couple making out in car get attacked by the Hookman/Goatman/slasher/alien/whatever, gay culture is perfect for their proliferation; we'll probably see many more in the future.

"Get out! The naked selfies are coming from inside the house!"
posted by 445supermag at 1:06 PM on April 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

"Get out! The naked selfies are coming from inside the house!"

Here you go.
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:24 PM on April 3, 2015 [6 favorites]

“So what’s a gay guy who only sleeps with ghosts called?”

“A sighs-queen.”

Or, if he's big and hairy, a 'boo bear."
posted by jonmc at 2:46 PM on April 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Aw, I was really hoping for some Nick and Nora Charles style witty back-and-forth repartee with my gay ghost.

Actually that would have been the gay remake of Topper.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:26 PM on April 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

(is there an emoji for "get it? Do you get my word play here? Because I'm super amused with myself right now and I want you to be too"?; please imagine it here)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:26 PM on April 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

This is like grindr noire.
posted by oceanjesse at 3:57 PM on April 3, 2015 [1 favorite]

Man, that was a great story.
posted by klangklangston at 4:28 PM on April 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

I can always appreciate a good ghost story.
posted by RainyJay at 4:06 AM on April 6, 2015