My Month of Hell

July 13, 2015 10:09 AM

Thirty days in a gay CrossFit cult

Response: Our Life of Bliss in a Gay CrossFit Family

posted by roomthreeseventeen (137 comments total)

The first thing that strikes me about the response is that it's written in "the royal we" - obviously one person is writing - but the response condemns the author, and then extends him a collective offer of repentance if he chooses to return.

And we're supposed to believe that this *isnt* a cult? The leader speaks for everyone, asserts the nessecary nature of The Mission and condemns the wayward disciple?

Yeah, no thanks.
posted by Avenger at 10:22 AM on July 13, 2015 [9 favorites]

Downs explains. “There’s a vulnerability in [gay men’s] development that they really appeal to, that phenomenon of wanting to fit in and be with the other guys.”

Experts call this "being gay".
posted by dr_dank at 10:24 AM on July 13, 2015 [17 favorites]

He also has huge, bloody calluses on his hands. When I ask another CrossFitter, Steve, about his own scabby calluses, he says, “I guess I haven’t found any lifting gloves that I really like yet,” which I later learn is probably a lie. No one in CrossFit wears lifting gloves, because massive, disgusting, bloody hands are a sort of hanky code among members — a way to spot your own in society, as well as a badge of honor.

hmm, a gym whose patrons are constantly bleeding all over the equipment. what do you think the odds are that this is handled in anything like a sterile fashion? to say nothing of an exercise regime that leaves you frequently injured.
posted by indubitable at 10:27 AM on July 13, 2015 [25 favorites]

The writer went in with preconceptions and then tried to prove them true. But his article didn't convince me that CrossFit is a cult. And their response doesn't seem all that cult-y either.
posted by zarq at 10:29 AM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Die, CrossFit, die.
posted by imnotasquirrel at 10:30 AM on July 13, 2015 [10 favorites]

And their response doesn't seem all that cult-y either.

The Leader accuses the author of betrayal and offers him forgiveness if he returns.
posted by Avenger at 10:31 AM on July 13, 2015 [13 favorites]

I find that going to class makes me angry. I despise doing activities in a group. I tend to think that even walking down the street with more than one other person is humiliating.

did i write this article and forget about having done so
posted by poffin boffin at 10:33 AM on July 13, 2015 [71 favorites]

At a stoplight, watching the late-night shoppers on Broadway, I’m overcome with shame. I’ve always had a secret desire to be one of these high-functioning, Manhattan office worker types, the sort who flourish in CrossFit. It’s the life I assumed I would have, but it doesn’t seem to be turning out that way for me. I find those CrossFit gays to be generally warm and uncomplicated. They’re nice people. And I want to be like that.

This really, really resonates with me. I've always had a secret desire to do CrossFit or something similar because deep down I believe that I would stop being myself and become happy and uncomplicated, like if I were going to the gym every day and my body looked different, I would be able to stop caring about most of the things I care about and just...be sort of a shell of a person, but a happy shell. This fantasy seems impervious to actual experience at the gym, where I can see that the most built guys are (in addition to being genetically gifted) there all the fucking time and even they aren't perfect.

I'm probably a year out from even being able to start, realistically. And I don't think I'll have the money anyway.

But the thing is - I've started doing barbell stuff, and I'm getting physical problems - acid reflux, broken veins - even as it's doing great things for my back and general body strength. I'm trying to figure out a way to do just some barbell to balance all this out, but I can't imagine doing thirty minutes of any barbell stuff as described would leave me anything but a total wreck - I'm sure I could work up to the actual exercise and handle the lifting, but it puts huge pressure on your body in non-muscular ways.

I'm thinking about boxing workouts, actually. If I ever get enough money to join a boxing gym.
posted by Frowner at 10:34 AM on July 13, 2015 [20 favorites]

I have friends who swear by CrossFit and others who don't. The ones who love it tend to use phrases like, "it changed my life," "I got so fucking fit," or "it is amazing, man."

I wanted to try it...because why not? I asked a friend about it and her response to me was, "IIRC, you have lower back problems, right?" I said that yes, once or twice a year, I throw my back out horribly, sometimes simply by having an intense sneeze. She replied, "Then I really really think you shouldn't." I took it under advisement, watched some CrossFit videos, and essentially all I saw was THIS EXERCISE REGIME WILL BREAK YOUR BACK LIKE BANE SNAPPING BATMAN OVER HIS KNEE.

So I am glad people like CrossFit. I am. But please shut up about it.
posted by Kitteh at 10:37 AM on July 13, 2015 [20 favorites]

“They actually didn’t drink Kool-Aid at Jonestown,” he says, referring to the 1978 mass cultic suicide of more than 900 people. “It was actually Flavor Aid.”

Well, at least one of the gay CrossFit cult members shares one of my many pet peeves, so I am now more pro-CrossFit than I ever have been in the recent past.
posted by Shepherd at 10:38 AM on July 13, 2015 [52 favorites]

essentially all I saw was THIS EXERCISE REGIME WILL BREAK YOUR BACK LIKE BANE SNAPPING BATMAN OVER HIS KNEE

Yeah, every time I see some video or gif of crossfitters doing those horrible flaily "im an angry trout on a fishing line" pull ups, my shitty spine curls up like an armadillo in self defense.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:41 AM on July 13, 2015 [11 favorites]

Good to have a head's up about what everybody on my Facebook will be posting about once the trend of posting about their hard-but-fantastic 10k runs dies down.
posted by dry white toast at 10:41 AM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

Actually, I bet you could have some kind of "like Crossfit but for the weak" deal where you had the same kind of emphasis on daily intense fitness but had a different selection of classes and a different approach to range of motion.

Almost everyone in my general age/social cohort would probably really benefit from a frequent, intense bodyweight exercise class, for instance - squats, push-ups, those reverse tricep thingies, planks, etc. Maybe mix that up with some intense but simple kettlebell. We don't need to be throwing barbells around.

Probably the most transformative fitness experience of my life has been getting to the point where I can do lots of bodyweight squats in a row. For a moderately fat, formerly stiff person, that has been a huge deal.
posted by Frowner at 10:43 AM on July 13, 2015 [14 favorites]

That FlavorAid quote told me everything I need to know.
posted by infinitewindow at 10:44 AM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

Almost everyone in my general age/social cohort would probably really benefit from a frequent, intense bodyweight exercise class, for instance - squats, push-ups, those reverse tricep thingies, planks, etc.

This video is all I will ever need tbh
posted by theodolite at 10:45 AM on July 13, 2015 [22 favorites]

I wanted to try it...because why not? I asked a friend about it and her response to me was, "IIRC, you have lower back problems, right?" I said that yes, once or twice a year, I throw my back out horribly, sometimes simply by having an intense sneeze. She replied, "Then I really really think you shouldn't." I took it under advisement, watched some CrossFit videos, and essentially all I saw was THIS EXERCISE REGIME WILL BREAK YOUR BACK LIKE BANE SNAPPING BATMAN OVER HIS KNEE.

CrossFit treats rhabdomyolysis as a joke (Uncle Rhabdo is a thing), and they also view exercising until you puke as a badge of honor (Pukie the Clown is also a thing). This is not a gym that prioritizes healthy exercise.
posted by imnotasquirrel at 10:45 AM on July 13, 2015 [16 favorites]

“They actually didn’t drink Kool-Aid at Jonestown,” he says, referring to the 1978 mass cultic suicide of more than 900 people. “It was actually Flavor Aid.”

I'm making a new Internet law: The Sparber Law of Internet Pedantry.

Anytime someone reflexively corrects you online, that correction will also be wrong, or at least incomplete. So: Flavor Aid: Both Flavor Aid and Kool Aid were seen at Jonestown.

Frankenstein was the creator's name, not the monster's name: The film is largely borrowed from the 1927 stage play by Peggy Webling, in which the creature does assume the creator's name.

Dr. Who is not the Doctor's name: It was so, in the Peter Cushing films based on the television show.

And so, on like this, in an ever-ensmallening circle of pedantry.
posted by maxsparber at 10:48 AM on July 13, 2015 [124 favorites]

Actually, I bet you could have some kind of "like Crossfit but for the weak" deal where you had the same kind of emphasis on daily intense fitness but had a different selection of classes and a different approach to range of motion.

We used to have a class at the gym of the tech company I worked at called "functional fitness", which was exactly this. It was great! I did the "track fitness" version which was more intense and running-oriented, but even that was like a waaaay less crazy version of CrossFit. It was really good, got me in good shape, and didn't feel culty or OTT at all.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:48 AM on July 13, 2015

The Leader accuses the author of betrayal and offers him forgiveness if he returns.

Um, no. You seem to be reading quite a bit into the response that isn't actually there.

The members of a single, franchised gym location said the author was "gladly welcomed" into their group, the subsequent article "hurt [their] feelings" and they were "disappointed." And then they say, "Chadwick, while we stand disappointed – we do not hold grudges. When you're ready to come back to experience more of what we have to offer, our bloody hands will extend and welcome you back with open chalky arms."
posted by zarq at 10:51 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I love that two of the guys are pedantic nerds. (The one who has memorized all flight patterns and airplane models over NYC, and the other who obnoxiously points out the exact brand of powdered beverage used to murder 900 people.)

Really, as much as it's about jock masculinity, it is also tailor-made to suck in people who get that kind of weird obsession. The urge to be an expert and to optimize and correct everything. (See also weird fitness orthorexia.)

It is definitely close to being a cult. People are sometimes encouraged to quit their jobs to become CrossFit trainers. It seems not too different from Transcendental Meditation, except CrossFitters haven't yet taken over a small town, and of course don't make any grand cosmic claims.
posted by vogon_poet at 10:53 AM on July 13, 2015 [6 favorites]

I am a chubby not-fit not-flexible queer person who does Crossfit! I've been going twice a week for the last 9 months or so and... hmm. So I'm better at everything than I was - and I went in having done no exercise beyond walking parts of my commute since leaving school - but I am still the absolute worst at my gym, the slowest, the weakest, you name it, I suck at it. But I recognise that second article more. I like being cheered on through the last two minutes when everyone else has finished and I'm still sweating away being slow. My gym is full of lovely supportive people. I've learned how to do stuff I would never have thought I could do.

I do think being confident enough to push back at the coaches helps a lot - if they give me a scaled movement I don't think I can do, I just say no and scale how I think will work for me. There's none of the 'bleeding hands are a badge of honour' at my gym either, that's super gross (but then I'm in outer London; there's a general enthusiasm deficit). I can see how it could suck if you didn't feel able to do that.

I don't think it's good for everyone. I don't think every gym that offers it is good. I can definitely recognise some of the unhealthiness on how people approach it. But I had done no sport since 2001, and now I go twice a week and yesterday I carried a bookshelf for half a mile for a girl I like because I have enough upper body strength to do that these days.

(Posted from my phone while I sit in a pub drinking beer and eating chips. I've mastered this paleo thing, guys.)
posted by theseldomseenkid at 10:53 AM on July 13, 2015 [27 favorites]

As far as this article goes, I wish the guy had talked more about how his experience was modulated by sexuality - I kept expecting him to expand more on that "desire to fit in" thing, or to talk about beauty expectations (especially after that quote from Mr. Inadequacy about his Pines share) or to talk about how his cohort at the gym was different from a straight cohort (some of which was obvious, but still).

It didn't sound very culty, actually, or even all that bad on a social level. "Work out really hard every day with people you like all right" sounds kind of good, even. I can readily believe that it's much more "work out in a fucked up milieu to attempt to achieve unrealistic levels of fitness that won't even make you happy" but that didn't shine through in the article.

And I wish he'd talked more about the class angle and how it intersects with social/beauty ideals - CrossFit isn't especially cheap, and I associate it with tech bros, mostly. The only CrossFitter I know personally is very wealthy indeed and in a fancy industry. I remember reading a joke back in the nineties about how gay men want to class up - fancy parties, etc - and lesbians want to class down - blue collar bars, etc. That's stupid as a blanket statement - bears, anyone? Djuna Barnes? - but I think there's something worth unpacking.
posted by Frowner at 10:56 AM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

Can't they just mow the lawn and go for a walk and then have a beer and call it a day? Y'know, like the rest of us.
posted by math at 10:57 AM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

I thought Crossfit was just another Yuccie trend, kind of like beards, hair pomade and flannel shirts. Everybody (who wants to fit in and be anybody) in the local tech scene here seems to into Crossfit and bulletproof coffee.
posted by Nevin at 10:57 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

Dude, though, I am glad no one fucking bleeds on the weights at the YWCA.
posted by Frowner at 10:59 AM on July 13, 2015 [17 favorites]

Crossfit mostly seems like one more thing to temporarily occupy the closed gas station and Radio Shack storefronts in the local dying shopping arcade.
posted by maryr at 11:00 AM on July 13, 2015 [7 favorites]

There is probably a closed froyo place next door.
posted by maryr at 11:00 AM on July 13, 2015 [7 favorites]

I am glad no one fucking bleeds on the weights at the YWCA.

Seeing that (without a further "WTF!?!?!" by the author) in OUT of all places made my skin crawl a little.

Can I vote these people out of the gay community? Can I rat this gym out to the NYC health inspector? Can I ask OUT's editors to amend the article to mention how this is ridiculously unsafe? Holy shit...
posted by schmod at 11:04 AM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Along with kettlebell swings and jumping pull-ups, our workout today includes running a block down Sixth Avenue. Nine times.

Ugh, the running. There is a Crossfit box in the densely-developed downtown of my town and every so often, this running a block thing is on their daily workout menu and if you happen to be walking past the box, they will MOW YOU DOWN as they run down the sidewalk to the lamppost at the corner and then run back. Haaaaaaate.

And yeah, it's also a hard no from me on encouraging bleeding on the weights or valorizing rhabdo.
posted by pie ninja at 11:08 AM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Really, as much as it's about jock masculinity, it is also tailor-made to suck in people who get that kind of weird obsession. The urge to be an expert and to optimize and correct everything. (See also weird fitness orthorexia.)

As a former college radio DJ and recovering record collector, I can tell you definitively that jock masculinity and aggro-nerdery are two sides of the same sweaty, obnoxious coin.
posted by ryanshepard at 11:09 AM on July 13, 2015 [32 favorites]

He’s been doing CrossFit for almost two years, and before that took trampoline classes and had been a member of a gym geared toward the musical theater community.

Please find that gym and write another essay about your experiences there
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 11:10 AM on July 13, 2015 [31 favorites]

Holy shit. If that response isn't a classic backhanded admit that cross fit Inc. is a cult, I don't know what is.
posted by clvrmnky at 11:12 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I thought Crossfit was just another Yuccie trend, kind of like beards, hair pomade and flannel shirts. Everybody (who wants to fit in and be anybody) in the local tech scene here seems to into Crossfit and bulletproof coffee.

It's spelled "yuppie" and yes, it is.
posted by deathmaven at 11:13 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also beards are just are just "a trend".
posted by deathmaven at 11:15 AM on July 13, 2015

"Chadwick, while we stand disappointed – we do not hold grudges. When you're ready to come back to experience more of what we have to offer, our bloody hands will extend and welcome you back with open chalky arms."

Worst prep school initiation ever.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:16 AM on July 13, 2015

“If you’re on the paleo diet, you can only drink wine and tequila,” he explains.

wait. wut.

I triged briefly googling this and saw this rumor elsewhere, but nothing pointing to the source of it.
posted by tofu_crouton at 11:17 AM on July 13, 2015

No, Nevin is specifically not referring to yuppies.

Yuccie, "young urban creative"
posted by djeo at 11:17 AM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

i thought it was young urban contemporary conformist?
posted by poffin boffin at 11:19 AM on July 13, 2015 [27 favorites]

Ooh, I like that one a lot more.
posted by djeo at 11:22 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yuccie, "young urban creative"

Good lord, I hate people that use "creative" as a noun. And those who further categorize as "little c" creatives and "Big C" Creatives deserve their own circle of hell.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:23 AM on July 13, 2015 [6 favorites]

I briefly thought about trying Crossfit for this year's Get My Fucking Body Back In Shape attempt. Then I realized that the woman I stopped taking pole dance class from when the studio she was at closed had opened up a new studio of her own in a super-accessible part of town. So now I go to a hot little basement room and sweat my fucking ass off as I try to regain the flexibility and upper-body strength to do inversions again. We joke about the martial arts studio a little down the hall thinking we must be a BDSM dungeon when we all start swearing and moaning during certain stretches.

I am pretty sure getting blood on the pole would be discouraged.
posted by egypturnash at 11:24 AM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

My wife is really into CrossFit so I gave it I try for six months. I was mainly interested as way to get stronger for the other things that I do - climbing, xc ski racing etc. There are some great aspects to doing CF like the support you get from other people and a great euphoric high after doing a WOD, but my main issues were that I wasn't getting better at anything other than the exercises I was doing. I also hated the amount of recovery time I was needing after doing some particularly hideous WOD like Murph. It was keeping me from doing the sports I actually enjoyed.

Critics will say I didn't give it long enough, which is fair, I didn't give it long enough but when the weather is nice I'd much rather be outside doing something than paying a hell of a lot of money, and CF is truly expensive, to sweat in a box.

Plus, there was a 12 year old girl who was lifting more than me.
posted by misterpatrick at 11:27 AM on July 13, 2015 [6 favorites]

WODs are named after women — Fran, Cindy, Mary, etc. — “because they’re total bitches,” Steve tells me.

I can't wait to open a subversive CrossFit "box" and name my WODs things like Chase, Blake and Tanner.
posted by Mrs. Rattery at 11:28 AM on July 13, 2015 [38 favorites]

Nevin: "I thought Crossfit was just another Yuccie trend, kind of like beards, hair pomade and flannel shirts. Everybody (who wants to fit in and be anybody) in the local tech scene here seems to into Crossfit and bulletproof coffee."

Dude/Dudette, I have a beard so the difficult parts of my face to shave don't need shaved, as well as seeing beards as analogous to male makeup as an easy(ish) way to change appearance. No other reason. Please don't lump me in with that group. I am neither young, not a "creative" and I don't live in a "real" urban environment.
posted by Samizdata at 11:34 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

The Leader accuses the author of betrayal and offers him forgiveness if he returns.

The frequent use of acronyms and coded in-language were giveaways, to me.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:37 AM on July 13, 2015

did i write this article and forget about having done so

Yes you did and we're going to call you Chadwick from now on
posted by axiom at 11:40 AM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

As one of the first commenters point out, this article is a pretty perfect illustration of Crossfit, right down to the fact that they didn't teach this guy his "jumping squat" is called a "snatch", which is an Olympic lift and one of those movements that is not supposed to be performed in high repetitions but Crossfit likes to do so because So Hardcore Bruh More Work In Less Time We Do What We Want Fuck Your Sport Science.

There are good Crossfit gyms out there, with intelligent coaches who are careful with their clients' form, thoughtful about programming, and aggressive about preventing injury and weeding out douchebaggery. These gyms and coaches are succeeding despite Crossfit HQ and general Crossfit culture, not because of it.

The comparison of the number of Crossfit gyms to Starbucks really puts their growth into perspective. Damn. I remember when they first hit 1000. What they aren't saying is how many of those survive past their first or second year. Perhaps someday someone will do an analysis of their failure rate--but right now HQ holds any data they have on that close to their chest.
posted by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on July 13, 2015

had been a member of a gym geared toward the musical theater community.

Fit!
I want to live forever
I want to pump up my thighs!
posted by octobersurprise at 11:41 AM on July 13, 2015 [40 favorites]

It’s the life I assumed I would have, but it doesn’t seem to be turning out that way for me. I find those CrossFit gays to be generally warm and uncomplicated. They’re nice people. And I want to be like that.

This actually reminded me of this really good comment about Anne Hathaway:

"It's not that I want to be them, or that I want their lives, or that I want to be an actress or a cheerleader or whatever it is that my sister's currently defining herself as. It's just the feeling that these are the people who are Doing It Right, and I--cranky, fat, brow furrowed, butch, frustrated, crying in the car, burning supper--am doing it wrong. It's the unvarnished projection of Having It All and Doing It All and, more importantly, doing it all right, and better than I would ever be able to. "

God does our world have tough standards
posted by litleozy at 11:41 AM on July 13, 2015 [9 favorites]

a lungful of dragon: The frequent use of acronyms and coded in-language were giveaways, to me.

In all seriousness, what do acronyms have to do with cults?
posted by zarq at 11:43 AM on July 13, 2015

A former long-term girlfriend of mine, along with her husband (who would not look at all out of place on the cover of a beefcake calendar) are total Crossfit devotees (Crossfit related posts make up about 90% of her Facebook activity), so I am someone who is predisposed to enjoy a blistering takedown of Crossfit culture. Yet I find myself largely in agreement with zarq that this article reads more like somebody who went into this activity with the expectation of finding it awful and cultish, and then looked for examples that would prove his hypothesis.

Is it really a shocking revelation to discover that people who have voluntarily joined an intensive workout club are (gasp!) really into working out? Much of this article reads like feigned surprise at discovering that people in a monthly book club are really into reading or that people who have season tickets to the Dodgers are way into baseball.
posted by The Gooch at 11:43 AM on July 13, 2015 [5 favorites]

My inability to do CrossFit, or even try it, does occasionally make me feel like I am missing out on something. I really hate that my brain works like that.

Aside from yoga twice a week at my local community gym, spin class has filled that intense fitness niche and I don't feel like barfing when I'm done, so yay!
posted by Kitteh at 11:48 AM on July 13, 2015

In all seriousness, what do acronyms have to do with cults?

The deliberate implementation of lingual obfuscation is a form of shibboleth designed to further reinforce in-group/out-group dynamics.
posted by FatherDagon at 11:51 AM on July 13, 2015 [21 favorites]

Much of this article reads like feigned surprise at discovering that people in a monthly book club are really into reading or that people who have season tickets to the Dodgers are way into baseball.

Sure, but Rob Manfred doesn't say things like "We’re changing the world. We’re doing all the right things for all the right people for all the right reasons," and there's no commissioner of book clubs. I could see Roger Goodell saying something cult leaderesque, but then again NFL fans are kind of culty.

I guess I'm saying, I agree that the article doesn't conclusively prove that CrossFit is a cult, but I'm fairly convinced that there are people in CrossFit who have googly eyes and wrap up too much of their self-identification in the gym.
posted by axiom at 11:53 AM on July 13, 2015

Our WOD is “Fran,” which Coach Ben says causes most people to puke the first time they do it. CrossFit celebrates vomit and blood. In fact, the corporate mascot is a homicidal-looking shirtless monstrosity called Pukie the Clown. WODs are named after women — Fran, Cindy, Mary, etc. — “because they’re total bitches,” Steve tells me.

Well, fuck you too then. I've been lucky enough to avoid getting proselytized at over Crossfit thus far--does anyone know whether this is a chain-wide policy or just something specific to this particular gym? It reminds me of a certain brand of cis-gay-dude misogyny, but it could just be the garden-variety sort instead. Ick.
posted by sciatrix at 11:56 AM on July 13, 2015 [12 favorites]

The deliberate implementation of lingual obfuscation is a form of shibboleth designed to further reinforce in-group/out-group dynamics.

Yes, but it's not the sole (or even a large) determining factor of culthood, and highlighting it as such seems pedantic. Acronyms are a part of lexical jargon in many fields, occupations and sports, including education, medicine, law, science, finance, baseball, football, etc.
posted by zarq at 11:57 AM on July 13, 2015

Divining which of those are sports or occupations is an exercise best left to the reader.
posted by zarq at 11:58 AM on July 13, 2015

The Language of Scientology -- ARC, SPs, PTPs and BTs

Like a secret code, the language of Scientology helps members to identify and bond with each other, and creates an invisible but effective boundary between the cult and the world "outside."
posted by a lungful of dragon at 12:01 PM on July 13, 2015 [8 favorites]

oh hey there background radiation inherit in all gay life.

I'm going to run til I pass out now.
posted by The Whelk at 12:02 PM on July 13, 2015 [11 favorites]

the ideas behind crossfit sound great. but the overweening zealousness of its practitioners is disturbing.

really the core concepts are easy to grok and adapt and probably are not that different from a lot of fitness classes.

I'm sitting here trying to think, what's the difference between CrossFit and any of the myriad branded fitness regimes you can get into from, say, Beach Body. Then it hit me: there are myriad regimes. Beach Body doesn't care about starting a single cult. In fact, they want you to be promiscuous with your affections (just, within their stable). They don't care if you don't get Amazing Results, they just care if you keep coming back and spending money on the new DVDs and monthly website memberships and food supplements.

Beach Body wants your money. CrossFit wants your LOVE.
posted by lodurr at 12:02 PM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Acronyms are a part of lexical jargon in many fields, occupations and sports, including education, medicine, law, science, finance, baseball, football, etc.

One difference is that such language or jargon, particularly in medicine, is documented, transmissible and intends to communicate efficiently, not obfuscate through obscurity. Cult language can be secret — even to other members of the cult who have not yet been initiated.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 12:05 PM on July 13, 2015

One real-world example I can name off the top of my head is from a paper I recently wrote where we discuss proteins called transcription factors (TFs). Notice how I used the full name and then put the abbreviation in parentheses? This is a common technique in academic and other writing for shortening phrases or word combinations that will be used frequently in a document. The goal here is succinct communication.

On the contrary, notice how the respondent in the linked piece does not use this technique, but instead drops acronyms often and freely, as if the reader should already be familiarized with such terminology — even though the piece is written to argue on behalf of (or defend) the program to readers who I would suspect are mostly uninitiated. The goal here is not so much communication, so much as exclusion-as-enticement.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 12:14 PM on July 13, 2015 [9 favorites]

the ideas behind crossfit sound great.
wha???
not that different from a lot of fitness classes.
ah

Squats, deadlifts, bench presses, and pull-ups are all in the public domain.
posted by deathmaven at 12:25 PM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

a lungful of dragon: " The Language of Scientology -- ARC, SPs, PTPs and BTs

Like a secret code, the language of Scientology helps members to identify and bond with each other, and creates an invisible but effective boundary between the cult and the world "outside.""

My Dad called me to tell me he was considering Scientology (as he knows it's a bit of a hot button topic to me). I said, "You know, if you do, we can't ever talk again. I am as SP as SP can be. No late night tease calls then."
posted by Samizdata at 12:26 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I tried CrossFit for a few months--maybe 6? In general I like intense exercise but I found the cavalierness towards injury somewhat off-putting. I still have crazy scars on my legs from box-jumping, which I don't mind, but did mind the regular risk of injury to my hands/arms/shoulders, which I need for work, and the suggestion that concern about that risk made me weak. Also they were aggressively paleo and super anti-vegetarian/vegan, and the food-obsessiveness really contributed to the culty feeling (to my mind at least).

And yeah, giving most of the workouts women's names is a global CrossFit thing, I'm pretty sure.
posted by n. moon at 12:32 PM on July 13, 2015 [9 favorites]

I liked my old CrossFit gym a lot (I hope in a non-cultish way). Nice people, friendly encouragement, scalable goals, and a variety of exercises to keep things interesting. I've never been in better physical condition than I was after a couple of years of that. Then I moved and got lazy and had a hard time staying motivated to continue a strength training program on my own. The social aspect of it really helped for me, but I haven't found many gyms doing social weightlifting-centric classes that aren't CrossFit. And I can't fit a CrossFit gym membership into my budget at the moment.

One big difference between CrossFit gyms and a lot of other fitness classes are that they tend to have a lot more sets of weights and racks and such for everyone to use, since the idea is that a group of people will all need to use them at the same time. That gets expensive and needs a lot of space, and spending your gym time waiting your turn to use the same equipment everyone else wants to use is a pain. The exercises are free for anyone, but you'd better hope the other people at your normal gym just want to use the treadmills or ellipticals or whatever. And an awful lot of places like fitness rooms at workplaces/apartment complexes/hotels don't have any weights at all beyond dumbbells, so those are right out if this is what you want to do.

I've finally hit on what I think will be a good (and cheap!) alternative, though: my local publicly-owned gym has regular open table tennis sessions, where I can have some fun social light cardio on a regular schedule, and get trounced by nonagenarians. And then I can wander over to the well-stocked but small weight room afterward to do my other thing. Not particularly social, but enjoyable enough as long as I'm already motivated to be in the building.
posted by asperity at 12:33 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

the ideas behind crossfit sound great.
wha???

I'm thinking about the high-level concepts, but I suppose I'm being selective. The whole 'drive yourself to complete exhaustion every time' thing is totally baseless.
posted by lodurr at 12:34 PM on July 13, 2015

-does anyone know whether this is a chain-wide policy or just something specific to this particular gym?

There is definitely a global set of workouts with women's names. I found this explanation:

Many have asked, “Why are the workouts named after Girls?” Coach Glassman, the founder and President of CrossFit explained it best. “I want to explain the workout once and then give it a name. I thought that anything that left you flat on your back, looking up at the sky asking ‘what just happened to me?’ deserved a females name. Workouts are just like storms, they wreak havoc on towns.”

posted by the agents of KAOS at 12:42 PM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

This article (and the Flavor-Aid thing) taught me that there is mansplaining in the gay community, too.
posted by mynameisluka at 12:45 PM on July 13, 2015

In general I like intense exercise but I found the cavalierness towards injury somewhat off-putting.



I have been involved in endurance sports of one type or another for the past twenty years or so, and do some lifting as well.

Having seen crossfit, and knowing enough about my own body and basic sports medicine, I know for a fact that my knees would straight-up pop off if I did crossfit.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:56 PM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

Workouts are just like storms, they wreak havoc on towns.



Why don't they just name their workouts after the first four Black Sabbath albums, then?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:00 PM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

Huh, once in a while after a particularly intense weightlifting workout I get nauseous. That's when I stop exercising and sit quietly and wait for either the nausea to pass or stop exercising for the day because my body is clearly trying to tell me it is super unhappy with me in the same way it usually tries to tell me that I've drank too much or have food poisoning or the flu.

But I guess if the Big Boys are powering through and puking and getting back to working out I'm going to ... continue doing exactly what I've been doing and take solace in the fact that no part of my life involves vomiting on purpose because some guy said so.
posted by griphus at 1:08 PM on July 13, 2015 [22 favorites]

"I thought that anything that left you flat on your back, looking up at the sky asking ‘what just happened to me?’ deserved a females name. Workouts are just like storms, they wreak havoc on towns."

by this logic, CrossFit should instead be called Kali Ma.

Jesus, you get enough of this BS "hurr women are weak" vs. "hurr women are monstrous destructive bitches" nonsense as is. Now where's that "Fuck this" meditation video FPP again...
posted by fraula at 1:14 PM on July 13, 2015 [6 favorites]

powering through nausea/dizziness from lifting always makes me feel pretty good at the end of it, not a self-satisfied good but a "i physically feel like i had a good workout" good. but powering through it when doing cardio makes me puke explosively and then feel like a pile of exploded puke afterwards.

the moral of this story is that no one should ever run for any reason other than fleeing death
posted by poffin boffin at 1:19 PM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

the moral of this story is that no one should ever run for any reason other than fleeing death

well, you know, if you just lay back and accept death you will be dead and not running, seems like a fair deal to me.
posted by selenized at 1:20 PM on July 13, 2015 [15 favorites]

My wife is really into CrossFit so I gave it I try for six months. I was mainly interested as way to get stronger for the other things that I do - climbing, xc ski racing etc

Climbing is an interesting comparison, because people are also really into it, but it isn't a creepy cult that gets people injured constantly.

I guess I might be biased, but I've always found the climbing community to be the most "chill" out of all of the athletic communities I've been involved in. CrossFit definitely borrows some of its intensity and competitiveness from the rowing community that created it.
posted by schmod at 1:21 PM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

huh. i thought crossfit was created by a gymnast.
posted by lodurr at 1:26 PM on July 13, 2015

they also view exercising until you puke as a badge of honor (Pukie the Clown is also a thing).

A few weeks ago I was waiting at the bus stop, when out of the corner of my eye I notice a young, fit woman come running out of a store front a few doors down. She ran straight to the curb and started puking. Concerned, I asked if she was okay and started walking towards her. When she finished hurling she bounced back up, gave me a big smile and waved me off, yelling out "I'm GREAT!" as she ran back in. And that's how I discovered there was a Cross-Fit gym a few doors down from the bus stop.
posted by Room 641-A at 1:30 PM on July 13, 2015 [49 favorites]

octobersurprise:
Fit!
I want to live forever
I want to pump up my thighs!

I'm not gonna make it to seven
I think my spine is inflamed
INFLAMED!
posted by dr_dank at 1:33 PM on July 13, 2015 [5 favorites]

As a former college radio DJ and recovering record collector, I can tell you definitively that jock masculinity and aggro-nerdery are two sides of the same sweaty, obnoxious coin.

Having just re-watched High Fidelity recently, I have a sudden idea for a sequel: Cusak opens "Top 5 Crossfit" in Wicker Park and spends half of the movie creep-texting his ex-girlfriends.
posted by Celsius1414 at 1:37 PM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Acronyms are a part of lexical jargon in many fields... including education

Speaking as an educator, nothing makes me wonder more about the sanity of educational theorists than when they start renaming perfectly normal things with weird acronyms and jargon. Cultish is exactly the word I'd use about much of it.

Abuse of the English language ought to be at least a misdemeanor.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 1:51 PM on July 13, 2015 [5 favorites]

CrossFit definitely borrows some of its intensity and competitiveness from the rowing community that created it.

That would explain why crew was the only other place I remember where getting disoriented, puking and powering through was seen as a badge of honor.
posted by indubitable at 1:56 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I should say I found this article particularly amusing because I was convinced to try CrossFit a few months ago, and had a terrible experience with exactly this Box in Chelsea. I was taking an intro class there, learning how to do lifts (I think that's what they are called?), and the instructor was very impatient with me, even after I told her that I have a muscle disorder resulting from a birth injury. She kept telling the whole class that I was doing it wrong, and I was the worst, and they would all have to wait for me to finish, etc.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:05 PM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

Do they puke in the little boat or over the side?
posted by griphus at 2:05 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

She kept telling the whole class that I was doing it wrong, and I was the worst, and they would all have to wait for me to finish,

Only G-d can judge me... Well, also, in some contexts, a Judge...
posted by mikelieman at 2:06 PM on July 13, 2015

Do they puke in the little boat or over the side?

In my experience, it was usually after a hard session on an ergometer (rowing machine). I can just imagine some hapless kid puking in the footwell on a shell, vomit sloshing fore and aft for the rest of the time on the water. Thankfully, that never happened.
posted by indubitable at 2:28 PM on July 13, 2015

She kept telling the whole class that I was doing it wrong, and I was the worst, and they would all have to wait for me to finish, etc.

you should go back there just to throw up on her tbh
posted by poffin boffin at 2:34 PM on July 13, 2015 [11 favorites]

the moral of this story is that no one should ever run for any reason other than fleeing death


If I ever run a marathon again, the Persians better be fucking invading.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:37 PM on July 13, 2015 [13 favorites]

I did Crossfit for about six weeks when I was a junior in college. My college had a little Crossfit group and blog for posting the workouts. I'm not sure they were actually affiliated at the time and they weren't allowed to use our school name as part of the group name so the affiliate was simply called "Black and Gold Crossfit". Anyways, I liked it at first. I learned a bunch of lifts that I had never done before like the snatch, clean and jerk, and overhead squat. The people there were pretty good about helping teach lifts. More and more people started coming to the workouts and that would lead to conflict. I remember one dude who would get all angry if people used his workout space, but there were too many people for each person to have their own bar. Between that and the fact that no amount of callus shaving, chalk, or hand wrapping could keep me from tearing open my hands, I stopped after six weeks. Shortly thereafter I did the best I had ever done on a physical fitness test. I think if the programming is good and there is an emphasis on form over speed, then Crossfit can be a good thing. It teaches movements that people might not normally do and the workouts were challenging.

However, I haven't been in a Crossfit group since then. My group had a good attitude towards open wounds in that they were seen as a failure to protect your hands and not something to be proud of. Also, I'm not a doctor, but I think you can get muscular and cardiovascular endurance gains without risking rhabdo or doing an absurd number of reps. I guess I could keep on writing about the pros and cons of Crossfit, but much has been written already.

Now I'm doing Stronglifts 5x5. I'm stronger than I've ever been and although I'm getting calluses, my hands aren't completely shredded.

In closing, Crossfit is a land of contrasts.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 2:40 PM on July 13, 2015 [6 favorites]

He also has huge, bloody calluses on his hands.

Yeah, this is pretty rank. First of all, yes you will develop callouses on your hands from lifting, and that's perfectly fine (and actually a good idea, because it protects them). But if you're ripping them bloody, you're lifting wrong (the bar is too far up in your hands when you pull), and if you're getting all that red juice on the equipment, then ew.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:17 PM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

After the gay workout, a guy named Jake invites a bunch of us to his rooftop around the corner for drinks. “If you’re on the paleo diet, you can only drink wine and tequila,” he explains.

Yes, because Paleolithic Man was cultivating and fermenting grapes?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:39 PM on July 13, 2015 [7 favorites]

> I also hated the amount of recovery time I was needing after doing some particularly hideous WOD like Murph. It was keeping me from doing the sports I actually enjoyed.

Pretty much, yeah. I race bikes 3 seasons a year, and skate ski in the winter for crosstraining. My coaches have always been very careful to both promote the benefits of weight training (especially for the 40+ older cohort of athletes, to which I belong) and caution against doing super high intensity stuff like plyos, heavy weightlifting or Crossfit, not because any of this stuff is inherently bad, necessarily, but mainly owing to the fact that there's a shit ton of misinformation and just outright BAD instruction going on in these particular fitness realms, partly because of the macho in-group nature and partly because Getting Ripped Is Cool.

But, you know, I know firsthand that there are overly competitive, aggro YOGA instructors who contribute to client injuries out there, so...

I think it said the most about Crossfit when the elite parkour instructor I learned from (who does crazy shit like Ninja Warrior and soforth) looked politely horrified when I asked about doing a Crossfit rotation as a way to improve my upper body strength for parkour. She is one of the fittest people I know, and she told me that the best way to get better at parkour was to just keep working on the functional fitness and bodyweight stuff (you know, do parkour basically, duh), and that no amount of tireflipping would translate in any meaningful way to a 6' catleap.

I've since found a great crosstraining workout that incorporates functional fitness, bodyweight and agility running (mainly the sort of stuff kids do on jungle gyms and such) and it's not only fun, but scaleable to whatever I can handle at that particular point in the rest of my training load, and it doesn't destroy my back and legs to the point that I'm a crippled up mess on bike race days.
posted by lonefrontranger at 3:55 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I did crossfit on my own (based on the website) for about six months back when the affiliates could be listed in a single column on the front page of Crossfit.com. It was interesting, in that I woke up and did whatever crazy-ass thing was posted, so I didn't get bored, but a) I didn't build any fucking strength at all, because all that high-rep stuff was keeping me from doing the sane, steady, repetitive lifts that I need to actually put on muscle, and b) as soon as I took up karate, I had to drop it, because the volume was way too much.

Now I do a straight powerlifting routine, and I can handle it except when my arthritis is notably terrible, and I feel good and can carry my girlfriend bride-style, which she thinks is hot. I do sort of miss the excitement, but I am old and creaky and frankly if I decided to do something insane with my fitness, I'd start training for American Ninja Warrior, because at least I'd die in a less embarrassing way than by rhabdo.
posted by restless_nomad at 4:02 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm thinking about the high-level concepts, but I suppose I'm being selective. The whole 'drive yourself to complete exhaustion every time' thing is totally baseless.

I'm curious, did that bit of internet wisdom about lifting until muscle failure being the only way to spur strength gains come out of CrossFit, or was it something already floating around that they kind of appropriated in a broader context?
posted by invitapriore at 4:04 PM on July 13, 2015

Umm wow. Are all dudes (ranging from frat boys to gay dudes ) all susceptible to douchebaggery this easily?

oh my, yes
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:12 PM on July 13, 2015 [5 favorites]

I'm curious, did that bit of internet wisdom about lifting until muscle failure being the only way to spur strength gains come out of CrossFit, or was it something already floating around that they kind of appropriated in a broader context?

Lifters have been lifting to failure since long before the internets were born.
posted by ftm at 4:21 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yes, because Paleolithic Man was cultivating and fermenting grapes?

Well, that's the thing about paleo. You can't have any grains because grains are So New, in that they've only been domesticated for agricultural use in the past 10,000-20,000 years. On the other hand, broccoli, which is 2,000 years old, or eating apples (as opposed to cider apples), which are about 300 years old? Those are just fine. Also coconut sugar and maple syrup are both hunky dory, but cane sugar is a no-no, for Reasons.
posted by KathrynT at 4:58 PM on July 13, 2015 [14 favorites]

So....I do crossfit, but I'm not a crossfitter. Which is some lame distinction I make to explain that I go to crossfit a lot, but don't own those weird long socks or compete. I like it and it works for me because a) I go to a great "box" (I just call it the "gym" though, shhhh ) where we're trained by experienced coaches that care about form and scaling, it's a diverse group- college kids, people in their 50s and 60s, totally ripped people, some morbidly obese people, etc; b) signing up makes me go even when I kinda don't wanna, c) I like being programmed and don't really want to have to think about all that too much; d) it pushes me, but in a good way. I can tell the people who will get hurt early on and they're hyper-competitive about everything in their lives, tend to think they're better at X than they are, and that balls to the wall is the only way. These people are obsessed with having to do the WOD as Rx or Rx+ whether they legit can or not. (obviously, people just get hurt too, as in any sort of athletic pursuit, but these people, you can predict it). And yes, knowing ones limits is important. If something HURTS I'm not gonna do it. And I'll tell someone and we'll come up with something to do instead.
What I'm saying is to works for me. Maybe it won't work for you. Try it. Or don't. But it is weird to me that there's some segment of the population spending so much time complaining about some workout regime they don't want to do. I hate spinning, but I don't spend any time thinking or talking about it. I just don't do it.
posted by atomicstone at 5:08 PM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

Don't get me started about paleo. I'm happy for people to eat whatever diet they want -I just don't know why they had to name it some wacky a-historic thing. Hunter-GATHERERS, people.
posted by atomicstone at 5:09 PM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

restless_nomad: same. I wasn't strong enough to do it anywhere close to rx, didn't have all the equipment, and didn't have the money to go where the coach was more than once in a while. Plus I hate "group encouragement". Turned out Starting Strength was way more my speed and style.

Damn if the CF front page isn't really effective at giving me the "I want to do that" feeling, though. Still. The media team is what made the whole thing catch on like it did, I think. That was some pro work.
posted by ctmf at 5:30 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

Damn if the CF front page isn't really effective at giving me the "I want to do that" feeling, though.

Minus the military/patriotism angle. Hell, I'm former military and I think it's a bit much.
posted by ctmf at 5:33 PM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

Plus I hate "group encouragement".

In my case, I asked for and got not so much yelling or cheering as reminders of what the hell I was meant to be doing. Helpful for me, but YMMV. I kinda miss being able to share the "hey, good work!" at the end of the session. Just writing down what I did in my composition book on my own isn't as fun, but it's cheaper now that I feel comfortable in a weight room at a gym (and I gotta say CF was great for me for that one, with my old CF gym being very much an all-ages-all-genders-all-sizes thing.)

The main organization and an awful lot of gyms definitely do have problems, but I do like a lot of what CrossFit has done for normalizing barbell use in general (even if the "as fast as you can!" part is frequently a terrible idea.) I hope to see more gyms offer the option.
posted by asperity at 5:42 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

I've decided to start telling people who insist they are paleo that they can't run marathons.

The marathon is a product of an agrarian society, less than 3000 years ago. Paleolithic people had no concept of what "26 miles" would be.

Rather, you should just run for an extended period, until your totem spirit, or your ancestors, or whomever tells you to do otherwise; or until you are killed (and possibly eaten) by the people whose sacred sites you have strayed into.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:58 PM on July 13, 2015 [16 favorites]

I’m with theseldomseenkid and atomicstone. I’ve been doing CrossFit for over a year and haven’t seen anything like what’s described in the article. Friends in other cities do it, too, and they have similar good experiences like.

I don’t think the author’s experience is even close to the norm. I actually dropped in at the other Black Box location (on 29th, I think) last year when I was in NYC. It was pleasant. No one yelled at anyone or mocked anyone out. My regular gym is super friendly, with a mix of ages (although due to close proximity to a large University, it skews younger — I’m twice the age of a lot of people there), a close to 50/50 mix of men and women, knowledgeable coaches who are all majoring inor have majored in exercise science/sports fitness/etc., and an overall fun and encouraging atmosphere. Some people compete in local and regional competitions, but most people are there because it’s a good, solid, fun workout. A big part of CrossFit is community building. You get to know people in class, you get paired up with them for workouts, and you all gripe together about the workouts (none of which are as bad this article would lead you to believe. Everyone gets encouraged if they’re having a tough time getting through a workout, but absolutely no one is shamed if they can’t.

CrossFit certainly isn’t for everybody, but since you’re encouraged to scale things (weight, repetition, height, etc.) it’s only as intense as you choose to make it. No one has ever thrown up in class, and we’re all told to wipe down what we use with antiseptic wipes when we get sweat or blood (yes, very rarely, someone tears a callous) on things. I’m sure there are gyms that cater to a specific over-the-top mentality, but CrossFit wouldn’t be as popular as it is if that were even close to the norm.

I find it hard to believe that any gym would “encourage” its members to risk injury. Everyone is instructed in using proper form at my gym. No matter how many times you’ve done a certain exercise, you still go through the basics each time. An injured member quickly becomes a non-paying member. It’s in the gym’s best interest to make sure everyone is capable of coming to class and paying their membership fees. Sure, I’ve gotten sore muscles (just like people who do other physical activities), and when I started I worked my quads a bit much, but then I learned how to stretch them, and now they’re better then ever. Oh, I did sprain my knee once. I was on the ground and got up wrong and twisted my knee. But I could’ve done that anywhere.

So, sorry if it sounds like I’m in a cult, but if being in a “cult” means having a place to go that you actually look forward to going, where you work out with people you’re at least vaguely familiar with, and who are all friendly, encouraging, and non-judgmental, then pass the Kool-Aid.

This article seems based on a VERY extreme experience, and it seems like a lot of the comments here are based on misinformation, or just the pure joy of “piling on.” In short, what atomicstone said:

“What I'm saying is [it] works for me. Maybe it won't work for you. Try it. Or don't. But it is weird to me that there's some segment of the population spending so much time complaining about some workout regime they don't want to do. I hate spinning, but I don't spend any time thinking or talking about it. I just don't do it.”
posted by jonathanhughes at 6:05 PM on July 13, 2015 [5 favorites]

So, sorry if it sounds like I’m in a cult, but if being in a “cult” means having a place to go that you actually look forward to going, where you work out with people you’re at least vaguely familiar with, and who are all friendly, encouraging, and non-judgmental, then pass the Kool-Aid.

Would you accept Flavor Aid?
posted by xmutex at 6:11 PM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]

No, I always found Flavor Aid to have an unpleasantly piquant aftertaste.
posted by jonathanhughes at 6:21 PM on July 13, 2015

I learned a bunch of lifts that I had never done before like the snatch, clean and jerk ...

Did you think dynamic tension must be hard work?
posted by octobersurprise at 6:35 PM on July 13, 2015 [7 favorites]

TheWhiteSkull: Rather, you should just run for an extended period, until your totem spirit, or your ancestors, or whomever tells you to do otherwise; or until you are killed (and possibly eaten) by the people whose sacred sites you have strayed into.

Hal Higdon? He's getting pretty old these days, I'm sure those guys could take him.
posted by Pink Frost at 6:49 PM on July 13, 2015

CrossFit is fun until you injure yourself, which is almost inevitable if you do it for a long time. It's almost inevitable that you'll injure yourself if you do any sport super-seriously for a long time, but the thing about CrossFit is that it does not really allow for doing in a way that is not super-serious. It's just the nature of it. I'm not sure you can get that fit without higher risk of injury. I'm mostly sad for the people that are optimistic that it won't happen to them, and then end up needing surgery (of course) and might not really be able to do lots of (athletic) things in the future due to the outcome of that injury.
The Seven-Foot Tall dude described here is definitely spot-on for Manhattan xfit though.
posted by ch1x0r at 7:31 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]

Well, fuck you too then. I've been lucky enough to avoid getting proselytized at over Crossfit thus far--does anyone know whether this is a chain-wide policy or just something specific to this particular gym? It reminds me of a certain brand of cis-gay-dude misogyny, but it could just be the garden-variety sort instead. Ick.

In grudging defense of my people, this is a Crossfit-wide piece of cis-het-dude misogyny, and I don't think the Crossfit gym this dude's describing is even specifically gay (I think "guerilla WOD" is like "guerilla gay bar," i.e., an event where a bunch of gay people all show up to the same not-specifically-gay bar, except substitute bar for box etc.).
posted by en forme de poire at 7:32 PM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

("My people" being cis-gay-dudes, not Crossfitters.)

Also, it's interesting that Crossfit has become this sort of urban-creative fixation now, because I seem to remember it having a much more "red state" vibe 5-10 years ago.
posted by en forme de poire at 7:41 PM on July 13, 2015

crossfit's military fetish and libertarian politics still puts it squarely in red state territory from what i've seen
posted by indubitable at 7:55 PM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Did you think dynamic tension must be hard work?

Sorry, but I don't understand what you're asking. Could you maybe rephrase that for me?
posted by A Bad Catholic at 8:19 PM on July 13, 2015

Can I just recommend to any of the people here who suffer back problems (like I used to) of a general nature (and not because you were born with all your discs fused together in a big boney breadstick or had half of it shot out in a war battle or something mental): find a proper POWERLIFTING or OLYMPIC WEIGHT LIFTING gym and, once a week, have one of the coaches or experienced (and, ideally, willing) lifters train you in the art of PROPER DEADLIFTING (in strobing neon font). Not the insane Crossfit or city gym version, but actual competition-form deadlifting. Forget squats and other stuff like that, deadlifting is the ultimate "functional strength" exercise. I promise you your life will improve in all kinds of fabulous ways if you deadlift sensibly and, eventually, heavily, once a week.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:40 PM on July 13, 2015 [6 favorites]

Yet I find myself largely in agreement with zarq that this article reads more like somebody who went into this activity with the expectation of finding it awful and cultish, and then looked for examples that would prove his hypothesis.

Mm, I think it's more complicated than that. You can definitely tell by the end that being part of Crossfit actually appeals to him, despite his irony and handwringing about its cultishness. I think there's also another layer having to do with a not-super-healthy but common thread in gay culture that both sexually objectifies and seeks approval from gatekeepers of "real, authentic" masculinity, and I got a little hint of that in the last paragraph as well when he gets some validation from not only the coach but the straight guys he's working out with (particularly put into context with CrossFit's reputed popularity among law enforcement and the military, its emphasis on "functional" fitness as opposed to the "aesthetic" goals of body-building which are considered more effeminate by today's crop of jocks [even though people obviously do CF to get swole and look beautiful], etc.).
posted by en forme de poire at 8:46 PM on July 13, 2015 [5 favorites]

Both of the articles made the rounds in the CF world a couple of days ago, so I had already RTFA before I got here. There were a lot of CF takedowns like this written in 2012 and 2013, I was wondering how this particular writer had missed the boat. As I read the comments, my first instinct was to scroll to the bottom and post a comment. Then I read further. And logged out of my main account and into this sockpuppet, because I don't think I want any of you to associate what I'm about to write with my main meta account - too much CF hate.

I've been doing CrossFit for about seven and half years now, four or five days a week, year round. The CF gym I go to was one of the early ones, when the number of CF affiliates were in the double digits (now more than 10,000). There is no way I can address all of the misinformation, assumptions, or anecdotes without writing a giant wall of text. It isn't that they aren't true, but rather that they are specific to whatever gym you went to or your friend went to. Like the bloody hands thing. In my gym, people wipe down the equipment with Chlorox wipes. If someone left a speck of blood on a barbell or a pullup bar, it would literally be photographed and posted to facebook with the caption, "WTF!? Who did this!" I've been to plenty of CF gyms that don't roll that way, so this isn't universal by any means. But the libertarian nature of the way the CrossFit HQ runs everything means that you get a lot of local variation, some good, some bad, some meh. It isn't Starbucks, for sure - Starbucks is all about making sure you have a consistent experience no matter where you go. With CF, it is more like a restaurant using "pizza" somewhere in their name. You can be sure you can find pizza on the menu, but can't make many more assumptions than that about the meal. You might check a Zaggat or Yelp review before eating at a restaurant, I don't know why you wouldn't do at least that much before joining a gym.
posted by BlueTongueLizard at 8:50 PM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

I guess I might be biased, but I've always found the climbing community to be the most "chill" out of all of the athletic communities I've been involved in. CrossFit definitely borrows some of its intensity and competitiveness from the rowing community that created it.

Oh man. I thought the descriptions of this felt oddly familiar. Welcome to my high school experience! All of this, from the bloody calluses to the puking to the hospitalization being seen as a "badge of honor" was present in the culture of my high school (and I think most high schools', from what I saw at regattas) crew team. One teammate had to be carried to an ambulance by paramedics because she rowed the whole last 1k of a race with intense leg cramps and refused to stop. One had a stomach flu and didn't eat or drink for three days prior to racing, but showed up anyway and didn't tell anyone because she felt she owed it to her teammates. For a 5k endurance race. I still struggle with knowing my own limits in exercise because of the "leave it all in the boat" mentality that was pushed on us constantly. I loved being on the water and having a team, but some of the stuff coaches say to young athletes is seriously scary, looking back. And that's the "normal" stuff.

However, at that point in my life I could walk up a steep inclined hill without breathing hard, so.
posted by heathenduchess at 9:29 PM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]

Did you think dynamic tension must be hard work?

Sorry, but I don't understand what you're asking. Could you maybe rephrase that for me?


He's saying that he just doesn't understand such strenuous living, when he knows of a program that will produce results in as little as seven days.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:04 PM on July 13, 2015 [5 favorites]

Do you think dynamic tension must be hard work?
posted by JiBB at 10:24 PM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]

Well, that's the thing about paleo. You can't have any grains because grains are So New, in that they've only been domesticated for agricultural use in the past 10,000-20,000 years. On the other hand, broccoli, which is 2,000 years old, or eating apples (as opposed to cider apples), which are about 300 years old? Those are just fine. Also coconut sugar and maple syrup are both hunky dory, but cane sugar is a no-no, for Reasons.

Eating apples are much older than 300 years. I've even had an apple cloned from a tree first grown in 1601. It was tiny and had a dry, but sweet and complex flavour. Classic dessert apple. Medievals also made apple pies, without sugar.

But apples aren't terribly predictable - unless you're cloning them, you never know what you're going to get. And cider is a good tasty to preserve them anyways, so a lot of apples went for cider. But good ones also went for eating.
posted by jb at 11:39 PM on July 13, 2015

Also, even Neanderthals probably ate some cooked grains.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:26 AM on July 14, 2015 [1 favorite]

As an expose of CrossFit, this article is bit lacking because of the author's complex feelings about belonging. But I'm not sure that's what the article really wants to be. I wonder if creating this article was basically how the author could get paid for the story he wanted to tell.

Which is an interesting story, IMO, and which does include a lot of nasty cultlike stuff.
posted by lodurr at 4:06 AM on July 14, 2015

Ah, now I get it. It's been a while since I've seen that movie.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 6:08 AM on July 14, 2015

he knows of a program that will produce results in as little as seven days.

Or maybe six!
posted by octobersurprise at 6:26 AM on July 14, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think there's also another layer having to do with a not-super-healthy but common thread in gay culture that both sexually objectifies and seeks approval from gatekeepers of "real, authentic" masculinity

This is so prevalent in gay male culture -- even and perhaps especially modern "we're here, we're queer, we're free, recognize!" culture -- and yet so little discussed, and there are many onion-layers of shame, unhappiness, despair, and self-loathing attached to it.
posted by blucevalo at 8:48 AM on July 14, 2015 [3 favorites]

Yeeeeah, and it goes BACK, Isherwood's journals about paying working class guys for sex are all rapturous odes to how natural and authentic and unaffected they are, certainly not some tap-dancing simpering FREAKS out there, that thing has never gone away. Not the desire to "fit in". I mean, I used to go to gay bars and the like and check to make sure I wasn't the fattest person in the room cause if I was I knew nobody would speak to me and I should just leave. (Actually that's not true, drunk 60 year old married guys and sketchy drug deals would hit on me.) I just want to fit in and not be visibly Other and if that requires two layers of Spanx and never eating bread again so be it.

Justin Sayre has good routines on how gay male culture is all about having a body, how many headless torsos have you seen today, and while we can all sit and laugh at how absurd that is I can look around the audience and I'm the only guy under 50 with a visible gut and like, what's he's right? Like REALLY right and having a body is the only thing that matters in the end. They seem happy and people sure as fuck treated me better when I lost weight and Got Shoulders. Maybe it literally is that simple.
posted by The Whelk at 9:17 AM on July 14, 2015 [8 favorites]

I've got to say, it depresses the hell out of me to see how one of my good friends seems to get treated as not good enough. It kills me, because to me he seems like he should be a catch - smart, funny, cleans up well, good job, tall, average build - but he's not thin-thin and he's not muscular, and that means he's second class. And yet it's not like everyone else is just super happy in their perfect gym rat relationships either, so there isn't even any point. I would say, honestly, that there's more entrenched social prejudice against his body type than what I experienced as a fat woman-appearing person; there was always a subset of nerdy people who were happy enough to date me.

It's stuff like this that makes me reluctant to transition - not that I'd be dating, like, cis queer guys or anything, but it just seems like the body fascism thing doubles down the minute you're any kind of queer male-like person.
posted by Frowner at 10:04 AM on July 14, 2015 [2 favorites]

I mean, I used to go to gay bars and the like and check to make sure I wasn't the fattest person in the room cause if I was I knew nobody would speak to me and I should just leave. (Actually that's not true, drunk 60 year old married guys and sketchy drug deals would hit on me.) I just want to fit in and not be visibly Other and if that requires two layers of Spanx and never eating bread again so be it.

Are there no gay bars in NYC that cater to non-body shamers? In a city this size are there no spots that haven't been taken over by the self-absorbed cliques?

If not, I have a great idea for a business....
posted by zarq at 10:16 AM on July 14, 2015

The metropolitan would have bear nights but to my 21 year old eyes it was all a bunch of middle aged guys who all knew each other already

These days everyone's on thier various apps anyway to filter out the people they want to talk to at the bar before they open their mouths.
posted by The Whelk at 10:35 AM on July 14, 2015 [3 favorites]

it goes BACK, Isherwood's journals about paying working class guys for sex are all rapturous odes to how natural and authentic and unaffected they are, certainly not some tap-dancing simpering FREAKS

And John Addington Symonds, Frederick Rolfe, and so many others like them were looking for rough trade in Italy a half century before that. And Winckelmann practically founds modern European notions of beauty on his passions for the young athletes of ancient Greece a century before that. So, yeah, it goes way back.
posted by octobersurprise at 10:46 AM on July 14, 2015 [1 favorite]

Are there no gay bars in NYC that cater to non-body shamers?

The bear world, while it may have started as an acceptance movement, does just as much body- and lifestyle-policing as the circuit boys, in my experience. "You're not fat enough to be a bear, fffm," they say. "You're a cub."

"A cub? Pfft, you're too old to be a cub. Too fat to be an otter, not tall enough to be a bear."

"We don't drink cocktails here."

All of these are actual things said to me by real live human (allegedly) beings. Urban gay (cis, mostly) men have a burning need to categorize and pigeonhole.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:59 AM on July 14, 2015 [4 favorites]

That's depressing. :(
posted by zarq at 11:07 AM on July 14, 2015

"A cub? Pfft, you're too old to be a cub. Too fat to be an otter, not tall enough to be a bear."

"Well, frankly, you don't strike me as particularly cuddly. Good day, sir!"
posted by turbid dahlia at 1:18 PM on July 14, 2015 [3 favorites]

Bear cubs are cuddly. Full grown bears are more maully.
posted by maryr at 3:13 PM on July 14, 2015

Are there no gay bars in NYC that cater to non-body shamers? In a city this size are there no spots that haven't been taken over by the self-absorbed cliques?

I don't know about bars, but there is a queer geek/gaming group in TO which seems pretty accepting, you see all types on the geeky spectrum.

(I don't drink much, but I really like boardgames)

My craft circle is also anti-body shaming, but it is a dyke space (which changes the dynamic a lot). Probably helps that we're also not there to pick up, but to change the world through crochet.
posted by jb at 8:47 PM on July 14, 2015 [1 favorite]

Dr.Enormous: "Acronyms are a part of lexical jargon in many fields... including education

Speaking as an educator, nothing makes me wonder more about the sanity of educational theorists than when they start renaming perfectly normal things with weird acronyms and jargon. Cultish is exactly the word I'd use about much of it.

Abuse of the English language ought to be at least a misdemeanor."

GTFO.
posted by Samizdata at 9:55 PM on July 14, 2015

I'm a little late to this party, but here goes.

I've been a member at the Black Box for three and a half years, going to classes 3 to 5 times a week. I've never seen anyone puke and never seen anyone get hurt beyond accidentally ripping a blister. Yes, I've seen someone bleed during a WOD due to calluses tearing--once. And they stopped immediately and cleaned everything up. Puking is not viewed as a badge of honor--it's a sign that you were an idiot who didn't know when to stop.

There are many different body types in the classes, from very skinny people who can barely lift the bar to people who would be classified as obese by traditional standards but who excel at heavy barbell movements. Nobody is shamed for what they can or can't do. Nobody is told to keep doing a movement regardless of their form. There's a lot of emphasis on scaling appropriately and keeping good form to prevent injury. I've seen coaches stop people in the middle of workouts and hand them a lightweight PVC pipe and tell them to stop using weight while they fix their form.

Greg Glassman is not viewed positively unilaterally among coaches or members. Many people disagree with his approaches and even though he's recognized as the founder, his word is not gospel and many recognize that he is a businessman over a fitness professional.

Simply having a language and a shared interest does not a cult make. How many times has Metafilter had to explain what a "tater", DTMFA or "beanplating" means? I also find that Crossfit is much less misogynistic than portrayed in the article. Yes, the original reason for the "girl" WODs was not ideal. People recognize that it's problematic. Maybe the names will change someday. Many of the named WODs are now named for men, mostly in honor of military casualties. Any WODs named for women now are meant to honor and not demean. Overall, I've encountered a very egalitarian atmosphere in Crossfit, where gender is less relevant than skill. I saw many more instances of sexism when I played roller derby.

Anyway, I agree with commenters above who said that it seemed like this writer came in with an preconceived notion and set about confirming his stereotype. It's unfortunate that people will hold this up as another example of Crossfit being a cult. No, it's not for everyone, but please don't generalize those who find it rewarding and fulfilling. We're not all puking, in-your-face meatheads.
posted by Fuego at 7:52 PM on July 17, 2015