Let's get small.

August 20, 2015 12:23 AM

Apparently, Оркестр "Тагильские гармоники can be translated in two ways: one is "welcome to accordion Hell", and the other is "hey, all you accordion players, while you play your accordions, watch me play these INCREDIBLY TINY accordions that I pull out of buckets!"
posted by flapjax at midnite (44 comments total)

Of course they have a Facebook page.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 12:24 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Nicely done.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:41 AM on August 20, 2015

Hmm, size DOES matter.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 1:00 AM on August 20, 2015

Relentless.

But accordion hell? My wife was a hearing-impaired accordion major at school. Her parents went to every show.

That's accordion hell. (And love.)
posted by pracowity at 1:01 AM on August 20, 2015 [3 favorites]

The most terrifying bumper sticker in history.
posted by poe at 1:23 AM on August 20, 2015 [5 favorites]

I prefer to think of the instrument as an acoustic Keytar
posted by thelonius at 1:57 AM on August 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

Bearded guy does excellent eyebrow
posted by threecheesetrees at 2:22 AM on August 20, 2015 [4 favorites]

Where does one buy a tiny little accordion?
posted by teponaztli at 2:30 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm asking for a friend.
posted by teponaztli at 2:30 AM on August 20, 2015 [10 favorites]

I'd like to think they are singing something about "it's not the size that matters!"
posted by Catblack at 2:41 AM on August 20, 2015

I came here for the link to the Far Side cartoon, AND I WAS DISAPPOINTED.

here have to do this myself
posted by eriko at 3:01 AM on August 20, 2015 [8 favorites]

Just wait to see what the leader pulls out of his pocket
posted by sammyo at 3:15 AM on August 20, 2015

I think Gary Larson was onto something.
(The bucket guy does have a Mister Bean thing going on)
posted by rongorongo at 3:24 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

That was really neat. Much more fun and not at all creepy like the stuff Myron Floren and Lawrence Welk used to do.
posted by james33 at 3:37 AM on August 20, 2015

That was most horrorshow, O My Brothers.
 
posted by Herodios at 4:05 AM on August 20, 2015 [5 favorites]

creepy like the stuff Myron Floren and Lawrence Welk used to do

How d'ye mean, "creepy"?
 
posted by Herodios at 4:07 AM on August 20, 2015

How d'ye mean, "creepy"?
Maybe this genus.
posted by rongorongo at 4:12 AM on August 20, 2015

not at all creepy like the stuff Myron Floren and Lawrence Welk used to do

Lawrence Welk, Inventor?
posted by effbot at 4:53 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Tiny violins are obsolete. From now on my lack of sympathy will be expressed with a tiny accordion.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:07 AM on August 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

I like the cabin's rustic lighting
posted by bendybendy at 5:16 AM on August 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

Lawrence Welk and Myron Floren were absolutely killer musicians. I have major respect for the kind of stuff they played. Those huge piano accordions are not easy instruments.

I am a known accordion sympathizer and accessory to public acts of accordion, though, so maybe I've just got more patience for this sort of thing. I have spent many hours of my life watching YouTube videos of people playing accordion. I have even had dreams about playing an accordion. Sadly, they are too expensive to take up as just a hobby - I think you've got to be ready to live the accordion life, and I just don't know if I can do that.

But seriously, I want to. My girlfriend says it would be a test of her patience/love, but she would support me. Maybe.
posted by teponaztli at 5:28 AM on August 20, 2015 [4 favorites]

I just love all the looks they keep giving each other. "Yeah, we totally find this hilarious! Look at how interested we are!" camera moves away "Oh god, just end it. End it all."
posted by Katemonkey at 5:35 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Is that an accordion in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
posted by xqwzts at 5:43 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

I came here for the link to the Far Side cartoon, AND I WAS DISAPPOINTED.

here have to do this myself

Thank you eriko, I nearly had to do this myself
posted by grobstein at 5:59 AM on August 20, 2015

Those huge piano accordions are not easy instruments

Ah, the Cordovox. Here's A brief comprehensive history of the Cordovox and other electronic accordions (PDF).

I am a known accordion sympathizer . . . I have even had dreams about playing an accordion . . . .

1950s vintage Emenee miniature | keyboard accordions, fs on the e-Bay.
New D'Luca Kids Piano Accordions, fs at Sears.

The current state of the art: Roland Virtual-Accordions. Button or keyboard operated, chromatic or diatonic, these are played exactly like an acoustic accordion, but tone generation is entirely digital . . .

My girlfriend says it would be a test of her patience/love,

. . . so you can practice all-but-silently wearing headphones.

These are essentially synthesizers for accordion players. The FR-8 can emulate nearly any type of accordion ever made, as well as organs, pianos, drums, and other instruments. It includes reverb, chorus, delay, rotary, and other effects.

You could bring the same instrument to play at all your polka, zyedeco, tejano, norteño, forró, klezmer, musette, tarantella, ceol, or baladi gigs, even on the same bill, and fit in with each.


Unless, you're just too cool for that.
 
posted by Herodios at 6:37 AM on August 20, 2015 [3 favorites]

these are played exactly like an acoustic accordion, but tone generation is entirely digital . . . so you can practice all-but-silently wearing headphones

Although it must be said, given that they are equipped with the traditional bellows, what people can hear while you play may make them wonder just what the heck you're doin' in there all by yourself.
 
posted by Herodios at 6:46 AM on August 20, 2015 [6 favorites]

By the way, these folks are apparently the Nizhny Tagil Accordion Orchestra (conducted by Vladimir Kapkan), Nizhny Tagil being a town in the Urals, famous for their decorative trays, prisons, art and music school, and for providing the copper for the Statue of Liberty.
 
posted by Herodios at 7:05 AM on August 20, 2015 [4 favorites]

The most terrifying bumper sticker in history.

I only support accordion playing during the first trimester.
posted by mondo dentro at 7:44 AM on August 20, 2015

Metafilter: decorative trays, prisons, art and music
posted by moonmilk at 7:48 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Teponaztli, you can buy a Hohner Panther (button diatonic, GCF) new for less than 5 bills. Used, even less. There are older Hohner models going on ebay and elsewhere for $200 - $400. You need to decide if you want to play button style or keyboard style with the right hand. If you just want to make some noise or comp yourself while singing "Bella Notte", you can prolly find a hecho-en-chine button box / concertina for even less than that. (May have tuning problems, but that's no matter if you aren't playing with others).
 
posted by Herodios at 7:50 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Thanks, Herodios! That's very good info to have - certainly a more attractive price point than the $900+ price tags I've seen around.
posted by teponaztli at 8:40 AM on August 20, 2015

The other bumpersticker.

From a local Bay Area music shop.
posted by njohnson23 at 9:28 AM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Not too long ago I saw on one of the big online music stores, a 'scratch and dent sale' that included some Roland V-Accordions. The FR-18 lists at like $1800 and they had it for more like 7 bills. I shoulda grabbed one but I choked because, although I am intrigued, I really only needed it for one song and learning to play it properly for one song seemed like too heavy a load. But you might keep your eye out for something like that, too.
* * *
One of my favourite musical memories is from an outdoor festival around 1980 . . .

  (((  (((  (((  (((  (((  (((
  )))  )))  )))  )))  )))  )))
  (((  (((  (((  (((  (((  (((

I see a klezmer band -- Cordovox, clarinet, trombone, string bass, drums -- all played by balding eastern europeans . . .

But they're augmented by an electric guitarist -- Tony Iommi's stunt double playing a black Les Paul through a Kustom amp with mother-of-crisscraft upholstery . . .

And they're fronted by a Tina Turner style R&B belter . . .

What's that they're singing?

Could it really be . . . ?

"We don't need no education . . .
"We don't need no thought control . . ."
 

Heavy.
 
posted by Herodios at 10:03 AM on August 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

I like accordions, but I also like this joke:

A man leaves his accordion in his car and goes home, only to realize that he left the doors unlocked.

He runs back to his car but alas, he is too late: someone's put another accordion in his car.

posted by benito.strauss at 10:04 AM on August 20, 2015 [9 favorites]

And here is where I note a favourite of all the little kids in my family. We all called it the Train Song.
posted by LN at 11:30 AM on August 20, 2015

He runs back to his car but alas, he is too late: someone's put another accordion in his car.

Ha! Oddly enough, I've heard the very same joke, but involving zucchini. (And I like zucchini.)
posted by mondo dentro at 11:39 AM on August 20, 2015

How the heck does one put an accordion in a zucchini?
posted by benito.strauss at 11:57 AM on August 20, 2015 [4 favorites]

Almost 40 comments and no mention of Weird Al? He still does a "polka medley" of hit songs on every album where he plays the accordion himself and always includes a chorus of "The Chicken Dance". He MUST hire the tiny accordion guy for his tour!
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:58 PM on August 20, 2015

You can also play several accordions at the same time, including one mini-accordion attached to a larger accordion.
posted by Bektashi at 2:39 PM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

How the heck does one put an accordion in a zucchini?

Hahahaha... Good one. But just in case... the zucchini was the playing the role of the accordion in your joke. It's a common trope in gardening humor. People get so much zucchini that they push it on people, many of who are not overly fond of it. I hope the accordion analogy is now coming into focus... Or, I hope you forgive me for beating it into the ground (not to mention mixing the hell out of my metaphors).
posted by mondo dentro at 3:20 PM on August 20, 2015

Yes, I was deliberately mis-understanding your comment for shits and giggles. Gracie Allen is my muse. But your version is good too, and more seasonally appropriate, as I think it's getting to be that time of year when people start abandoning extra zucchinis in the break room when no-one is there to see them.
posted by benito.strauss at 4:01 PM on August 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Hmm. And I thought I could play the accordion.
(Retires to read The Third Policeman again.)
posted by sneebler at 10:18 PM on August 20, 2015

I could tell you how to get all sorts of zucchini into an accordion. The only hard part is distracting the player long enough to get the bellows open. Now plugging an alpen horn from distance with a cantaloupe, there's a talent.
posted by mcrandello at 10:33 PM on August 22, 2015

(I kid btw, anyone who's ever been to a home store with me knows that once I get near the PVC pipe this is going to happen.)
posted by mcrandello at 10:43 PM on August 22, 2015