Kissing +243%

September 17, 2015 6:51 AM

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for coming to this all-hands meeting. We'll get started just as soon as you open your binders to page 246: Infographic Breakdown of Video Game Console Traffic on YouPorn (NSFW Text)
posted by griphus (120 comments total)

Just FYI this is hosted on imgur and if it wasn't totally clear there's no actual pornography in the link.
posted by griphus at 6:53 AM on September 17, 2015

Average visits: 8-9 minutes.
posted by chococat at 6:56 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

i love these charts! playstation users seem to like older women, xbox younger, and nintendo just wants to see princess peach's boobs.
posted by nadawi at 7:00 AM on September 17, 2015 [9 favorites]

10% visit on a Wii? I'll do it from my Sega Dreamcast if I want to porn it up like a pilgrim.
posted by dr_dank at 7:00 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Am I going to go somewhere I don't want to go on the internet if I look up what "hentai" is?
posted by Halo in reverse at 7:01 AM on September 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

Flagged for lack of "xbone" tag.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:01 AM on September 17, 2015 [13 favorites]

I've always been perplexed by the whole mom/milf popularity. Was Freud right all along?
posted by Doleful Creature at 7:02 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Am I going to go somewhere I don't want to go on the internet if I look up what "hentai" is?

oh my word yes
posted by griphus at 7:02 AM on September 17, 2015 [66 favorites]

Am I going to go somewhere I don't want to go on the internet if I look up what "hentai" is?

And you won't be getting results limited to oversized roosters and pastries from Boston, either.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:05 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Playstation Searched more:

1) Taxi.

"Man, I'm totally in the mood for some Jim Ignatowski / Latka Gravas man on man action."
posted by bondcliff at 7:07 AM on September 17, 2015 [36 favorites]

the mom/milf thing isn't usually about mom fetishes, but about finding actresses who are over 25 and not in pigtails and cheerleading skirts.
posted by nadawi at 7:08 AM on September 17, 2015 [15 favorites]

I've always been perplexed by the whole mom/milf popularity. Was Freud right all along?

In the porn world all women are either teens or MILFs; MILF just means old enough that she can't pass for 18 anymore (mid 20s).
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:09 AM on September 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

Hentai is anime porn. Basically imagine that Japanese woodcut of a woman doing an octopus, but updated for the 21st century.

And on preview, yeah, "MILF" means "woman not trying to look underage" essentially.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:10 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I mean, that's what I've heard.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:10 AM on September 17, 2015 [33 favorites]

Not only do I not know what hentai is, but I had no idea people viewed porn through their game consoles. Instead of, you know, just playing games.

Feeling old and out of it.
posted by Halo in reverse at 7:11 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

having said that, there are totally a lot of "let mommy help you cum/mommy will show you how to really suck dick" porn out there, so people are seeking that out as well.
posted by nadawi at 7:12 AM on September 17, 2015

Well all the consoles have web browsers and are connected to a TV. Technically all the television I watch is via my PS3.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 7:13 AM on September 17, 2015

Not only do I not know what hentai is, but I had no idea people viewed porn through their game consoles. Instead of, you know, just playing games.

My guess is that the "18-24" demographic actually extends quite a bit younger than 18 and some parents don't realize (or don't care that) the console their kid has in their room to play with their friends over the internet is also a browser.
posted by dismas at 7:16 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

also, game consoles are often in kids' rooms and parents don't think about the fact that they're basically little computers with full internet access. that "18-24" or whatever range should be read as 11ish-24.
posted by nadawi at 7:17 AM on September 17, 2015

The teenage kids trying to look at porn on the built-in browser on the PS3 are today's iteration of kids trying to do what they can with a half-scrambled porn channel on their parents old Zenith.
posted by griphus at 7:18 AM on September 17, 2015 [22 favorites]

10% visit on a Wii?

I think they might be using Wii as a catch-all for the original Wii and the Wii U, especially since some of the other graphs are just labeled "Nintendo". The Wii U is actually a really great way to watch Youtube—not using the Youtube app, which is crap, but if you use the built in internet browser you can play the video on the TV while you browse on the game pad for the next one. I would assume that the same was true for watching other kinds of videos online so the low percentage probably has more to do with market penetration than the objective utility of the consoles as porn watching devices. /wiiufanboy
posted by metaphorever at 7:19 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

That the most searched term on the Nintendo is actually "hentai" makes that part of my brain that wants things to just make sense SO HAPPY.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:25 AM on September 17, 2015 [11 favorites]

I, too visited porn sites on my Sega Dreamcast back in the day. AND I had some of the rated-X Atari 2600 cartridges. Who wants to touch me?



...no one

that's why I did it
posted by delfin at 7:28 AM on September 17, 2015 [15 favorites]

Yeah, I had some really poor quality dirty pictures on my TRS-80 Color Computer, including some animated cartoon thingy about the adventures of the Fuller Brush Man. Good stuff.

So now I'm curious what the first computer porn was. I know there was that Playboy centerfold but that's not exactly porn, unless you're asking my mom.
posted by bondcliff at 7:32 AM on September 17, 2015

Kissing, Romantic, Instructional, Couples. Wii users are adorable.
posted by WCWedin at 7:33 AM on September 17, 2015 [13 favorites]

I'm not being coy when I say I don't have first hand (haw) experience, but consoles also tend to be hooked up to gigantic HD monitors, and can't get infected with viruses from shady ad networks one tends to find on porntube sites.
posted by codacorolla at 7:33 AM on September 17, 2015

Made me google Alexis Texas and Mia Khalifa.

According to data from Pornhub, from January 3 to 6, 2015, searches for Mia Khalifa increased five-fold. Around a quarter of those searches came from Lebanon, with substantial searches also from nearby Arab states of Syria and Jordan.

Achievement unlocked: party fun fact
posted by bigendian at 7:33 AM on September 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

i am honestly shocked that alexis texas is so high on all the lists. mia khalifa just makes sense - i'm pretty sure she's also a gamergate sympathizer.
posted by nadawi at 7:37 AM on September 17, 2015

no :( :(
posted by griphus at 7:39 AM on September 17, 2015

Man, I got to "Dixie cups full of ..." there and almost bailed.

Also I cannot remember the last time I even saw a listing for a video with a "name" star. I just do not run in those porno circles.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:42 AM on September 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

So now I'm curious what the first computer porn was. I know there was that Playboy centerfold but that's not exactly porn, unless you're asking my mom.

According to Steven Levy's "Hackers: Heroes of the Computer Revolution," Stanford's AI Lab (SAIL) had a sauna, in which some “willing young coeds” once participated in a sex orgy captured by video camera and transmitted at computer terminals for the hackers to watch. This would've been late-60s to early-70s.

Also I am so glad that the previous comment ended the way it did. "after watching the porn, he showed me his collection of Dixie cups full of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
posted by delfin at 7:43 AM on September 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

Kissing, Romantic, Instructional, Couples. Wii users are adorable.

Sure that's adorable, but the guy I knew who had shelves full of books on how to kiss was weird!

Oh wait, yeah that was pretty weird.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:46 AM on September 17, 2015

Sorry, don't want to be that "grammar guy", but it's actually "milves"

Following JRR Tolkien, it seems appropriate to have an alternate spelling for the fantasy creature vs the actual real-world example.
posted by Dr Dracator at 7:47 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

...full of books on how to kiss was weird!

from Alistair Adams' "Thee Fyner Pointse of Mouthe-to-Mouthe Contackt" to Zenobia Zawain's "The French Mistake: Strategies for Optimal Airflow."
posted by griphus at 7:48 AM on September 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

So, in the breakdown by nation...Is there a reason Japan doesn't appear? Are sites like YouPorn blocked there? I would think including Japan would have boosted the Wii's representation.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:55 AM on September 17, 2015

You know, it's actually really nice and surprisingly reassuring to see the search terms other women use; it makes me feel less like there's something deeply wrong with me because hey, other people are into weird stuff! Maybe the stuff I'm into isn't actually that weird! Maybe there's not actually something deeply and horribly wrong with me! It makes me feel less badly that my husband had to shut off the autocomplete on his tablet after I started borrowing it.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:56 AM on September 17, 2015 [28 favorites]

Greg Nog It's a dance.

"Throw out your hands
Stick out your tush
Hands on your hips
Give them a push
You'll be surprised
You're doing the French Mistake
Voila!"
posted by SansPoint at 7:58 AM on September 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

Metafilter: It makes me feel less badly.
posted by seasparrow at 7:59 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

So now I'm curious what the first computer porn was.

Tetris? Or maybe Pong if you had a lot of imagination.
posted by rtimmel at 8:00 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

PLAYBACK
posted by griphus at 8:02 AM on September 17, 2015

bondi So now I'm curious what the first computer porn was.

ASCII Art. No. Really. You can find examples on textfiles.com, if you are so inclined.
posted by SansPoint at 8:02 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Thorzdad: So, in the breakdown by nation...Is there a reason Japan doesn't appear?

It's Japan. Every apartment building has hot and cold running hentai.
posted by dr_dank at 8:02 AM on September 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

It makes me feel less badly that my husband had to shut off the autocomplete on his tablet after I started borrowing it.

You know the odds my father grabs a random piece of technology and either just takes it or starts using it without asking. We don't need a worse repeat of time he took our old iPod that had "Still Fly" by Big Tymers on it.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:02 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I remember reading a story that the first documented pr0n was plotted on screens at a USAF radar facility. I may be remembering it wrong though.
posted by BungaDunga at 8:03 AM on September 17, 2015

The first time I became aware of online porn as existing in large quantities (as opposed to ASCII art jokes on Fidonet) was when a pal showed me Rusty-n-Edie's" (SFW). Dial-up speeds necessarily limited consumption, but he'd assiduously built up a respectable score...

I don't think they ever published by-platform stats, though. IBM PC vs Apple II vs Amiga...
posted by Devonian at 8:04 AM on September 17, 2015

Mrs. Pterodactyl - i have also been super heartened to hear more about how women consume porn from women who consume it. for a long time the whole thing in the industry was "here's romantic porn for the laaaaaadies" when they really meant "if your woman partner isn't a porn watcher you might get to watch porn with her with more plots and story building and high quality production/sets/costumes/etc" - women who sought out porn to watch on their own was all but invisible. so i, i like you, felt like that was something horribly terribly wrong with me.
posted by nadawi at 8:04 AM on September 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

Xbox - Searched More (Compared to Other Consoles): "Halo - 589%"

Eyes up, Guardian!
posted by The Bellman at 8:05 AM on September 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

it's actually "milves"

M's ILF
posted by InfidelZombie at 8:05 AM on September 17, 2015 [22 favorites]

I remember reading a story that the first documented pr0n was plotted on screens at a USAF radar facility. I may be remembering it wrong though.

I'm sure some of the ladies re-programming ENIAC giggled as they inserted the plugs into the sockets over and over again.
posted by bondcliff at 8:07 AM on September 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

I'm struck by the length of the search terms on Xbone compared to other consoles. Most consoles are single words like "milf"; Xboners are typing whole phrases. Does the Xbone have a better text input method for long words? Perhaps Microsoft built in text completion for "creampie"?

Here's YouPorn's blog post that accompanies the graphic. It never says, but I assume this is results from people using the console's web browser, not a custom app? AFAICT there are few to no apps for porn on game consoles or TV devices. Even the private Roku channels for porn that used to be out there seem to have all been shut down. Given the lack of ad display or credit card input, I'm guessing the porn companies see consoles mostly as freeloaders.
posted by Nelson at 8:10 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

The text input on PS3 is fucking horrible so if the any of the Xboxen have even half-decent input there's your answer.
posted by griphus at 8:12 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

xbox has a keyboard you can attach to the controller.
posted by nadawi at 8:13 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Maybe they're doing text-to-speech with the Kinect?
posted by Elementary Penguin at 8:25 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Do the browser fingerprints on these consoles reveal the user's gender and age, or is YouPorn getting this information another way?
posted by exogenous at 8:26 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Very interesting, who knew that most porn stems from Sophocles?
posted by The Gooch at 8:26 AM on September 17, 2015

Yeah, um, are they searching for Halo thinking they're on YouTube or something? Don't be ashamed, I understand; it's an easy mistake to make, after all. The URLs are just so similar, you didn't really want to watch Spartans humping through their armor, it's okay.
posted by WCWedin at 8:28 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

well where can i watch spartans humping through their armor then
posted by poffin boffin at 8:29 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

what about MY needs
posted by poffin boffin at 8:30 AM on September 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

console user profiles have demographics and i assume youporn can get access to them.
posted by nadawi at 8:33 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: Dixie cups full of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
posted by not that girl at 8:38 AM on September 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

And then we throw the Dixie cup out. (so nsfw)
posted by delfin at 8:52 AM on September 17, 2015

Sorry, don't want to be that "grammar guy", but it's actually "milves"

Sorry to be the nitpicker of "grammar guy", but I think we may need a different terms here, depending on what we are pluralizing in the possible sub-genre MILF space. Is the searcher after multiple "moms", or multiple "fucks" (or, possibly, after both)? "Milves", I would suggest, is better for the sub-genre of MILF clips involving the final term of the acronym. For the category of multiple moms, it might be better as MsILFS (likely pronounced "Mzilfs"?). If we need a term for the sub-genre involving both, well, I guess some type of portmanteau will emerge as, frankly, I can't believe I've spent any time thinking about this at all and am rather horrified at myself for even being in this head space. WTF brain?

Kissing, Romantic, Instructional, Couples. Wii users are adorable.

Just going to suggest here that you are more likely to find Wii systems in the homes of people with young children, as opposed to the Xbox/Playstation, which might be more prevalent for adolescent/twenty-somethings? Which would explain some of why the search terms are perhaps a bit more focused on couples kind of things.
posted by nubs at 9:12 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Also interesting that XBox users are into step sisters and BBW while PS users are into step moms and squirting. For certain values of interesting.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:12 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also I am so glad that the previous comment ended the way it did. "after watching the porn, he showed me his collection of Dixie cups full of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Wait, what did you think he meant by "pop rocks"?
posted by escabeche at 9:22 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

"Hi, I want to buy a Wii for my nephew's birthday."

"...sure you do, you weird fucker."
posted by Mooski at 9:25 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I came here for the Moro Islamic Liberation Front jokes but was sadly disappointed.
posted by I-baLL at 9:26 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

we've come such a long way from drawing boobs in Mario Paint, haven't we
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:28 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Yeah now you can draw them in Super Mario Maker.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 9:29 AM on September 17, 2015 [10 favorites]

we've come such a long way from drawing boobs in Mario Paint, haven't we

susan cancel my two o'clock
posted by griphus at 9:29 AM on September 17, 2015 [18 favorites]

Not only do I not know what hentai is, but I had no idea people viewed porn through their game consoles. Instead of, you know, just playing games.

Feeling old and out of it.
posted by Halo in reverse at 9:11 AM on September 17

Yeah, sure, you're not on your playstation searching for "reverse Halo" videos.
posted by that's how you get ants at 9:31 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

we've come such a long way from drawing boobs in Mario Paint, haven't we

Mario Paint? Hah! I suppose you console people will never know the simple joys of making a cone in MS Paint and then adding a nipple to it and then having the girl next to you who you probably thought was cute because she was a girl and you thought they were all cute say "REAL MATURE" and oh god I'm so glad my father got fired and I had to transfer from that school.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:32 AM on September 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

This thread really paints a picture of the Bulgaroktonos/Mrs. Pterodactyl family dynamic.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 9:34 AM on September 17, 2015 [22 favorites]

oh and hey hands up if the creepy voice moaning "MACPLAAAYYYMAAATE" haunts your digital sex nightmares
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:35 AM on September 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

The teenage kids trying to look at porn on the built-in browser on the PS3 are today's iteration of kids trying to do what they can with a half-scrambled porn channel on their parents old Zenith.

So old, I can actually recall doing this. Still have memories of the time I found a full undistorted boobie in inverted color.

Scooooore!
posted by Existential Dread at 9:37 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

For a while the PPV porn channel in my neck of the woods was unscrambled for four minutes after each new movie started, so they could play trailers for upcoming movies. Usually it was just credits, but you could score some slow motion boob montages if you picked the right movie.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:44 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Am I going to go somewhere I don't want to go on the internet if I look up what "hentai" is?

I'd like you to meet someone.
posted by J.K. Seazer at 9:44 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

This thread really paints a picture of the Bulgaroktonos/Mrs. Pterodactyl family dynamic.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 12:34 PM on September 17 [3 favorites −] [!]

For a while the PPV porn channel in my neck of the woods was unscrambled for four minutes after each new movie started, so they could play trailers for upcoming movies. Usually it was just credits, but you could score some slow motion boob montages if you picked the right movie.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:44 PM on September 17 [+] [!]

Legit so proud to be married to you.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:48 AM on September 17, 2015 [17 favorites]

my dad bought a cable unscrambler because he wanted to watch hbo and didn't realize his teen daughter would go straight for the spice and playboy channels when he was out of the house. he might have gotten a tiny hint the day he yelled from the computer room, "nadawi! stop reading stories about lesbians all tied up with ropes!" and on that day i learned about deleting browser history.
posted by nadawi at 9:53 AM on September 17, 2015 [31 favorites]

UNTIE THOSE LESBIANS RIGHT NOW YOUNG LADY
posted by delfin at 9:59 AM on September 17, 2015 [44 favorites]

For a few years in the analog-cable-box 90s (push down two buttons together for scrambled Playboy!) we had mysteriously-free HBO. My older cousin spent a few weeks with us one summer, and we watched Real Sex in the basement at night. Every episode started with a warning: "This program contains frank and explicit language and depictions of sexual activity."

One night my mom opened the basement door to yell down about something just as the warning was playing and one of us quickly hit the mute button just after "frank." So now when I think about sexy sex TV on HBO, I think, "This program contains Frank," and think about who Frank might be.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:00 AM on September 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

my dad bought a cable unscrambler because he wanted to watch hbo and didn't realize his teen daughter would go straight for the spice and playboy channels when he was out of the house.

Same situation in my house (except, teen son, not daughter). Spice Channel was the worst. Edited pornos (penetration cut out). It was like being served a meal from a Michelin 3-star rated restaurant and being told, "You can do anything with this food but eat it".
posted by The Gooch at 10:01 AM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Once when I was home by myself and looking for Salacious Entertainment but before I had figured out how to hack the parental control thing on my cable box, I just watched the Upcoming Shows channel and waited for something for MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY to come up because I knew there might be a boob in that.

And so there I am sitting down on the couch giddy to watch the adults only hopefully-pornographic film Swimming to Cambodia with Spalding Gray.
posted by griphus at 10:16 AM on September 17, 2015 [10 favorites]

So now when I think about sexy sex TV on HBO, I think, "This program contains Frank," and think about who Frank might be.

Frank is a swinger from Florida, like every person who ever appeared on Real Sex.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:19 AM on September 17, 2015 [9 favorites]

That guy, his wife, and his Real Doll aren't swingers. That's an exclusive relationship.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:23 AM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

griphus: Once when I was home by myself and looking for Salacious Entertainment but before I had figured out how to hack the parental control thing on my cable box, I just watched the Upcoming Shows channel and waited for something for MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY to come up because I knew there might be a boob in that.

It took all my restraint not to protest when my parents cancelled Cinemax because "no one was watching it".
posted by dr_dank at 10:24 AM on September 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

ADULT SITUATIONS
STRONG LANGUAGE

and then the main character is swearing angrily about having to pay taxes
posted by poffin boffin at 10:27 AM on September 17, 2015 [20 favorites]

I would be remiss if I did not clarify that "hentai" is drawn porn, whether in anime or manga form. And the best hentai applies Rule 34 to existing anime, manga and video game characters.

themoreyouknow.jpg
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 10:28 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

girls with huge eyes and improbably long legs and tiny waists blushing at lantern-jawed guys with enormous hands who are on the badminton team

then they all fuck a demon made of cocks
posted by poffin boffin at 10:32 AM on September 17, 2015 [11 favorites]

While the tentacle monster watches and masturbates while crying.
posted by dr_dank at 10:41 AM on September 17, 2015

last time i am lending ANY of you those videotapes I bought in the little white room in the basement of the Chinatown mall
posted by griphus at 10:51 AM on September 17, 2015 [9 favorites]

Tentacle porn is old hat. Most of today's hentai would disappoint your average porn viewer. This is especially the case when using existing characters. Way too often, writers start employing elements like the tsundere, unrequited love, unspoken passions, and other dramatic devices. This is because there's a glut of hentai that is just 8 pages of impossibly postured fucking. In a competitive market, you have to think competitive - what am I offering no other porn-drawer is? Stories, preferably about characters fans already care about and are emotionally invested in.

It's not your grandmother's tentacle hentai anymore.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 10:53 AM on September 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

ou sont les overfiends d'antan
posted by poffin boffin at 10:54 AM on September 17, 2015 [11 favorites]

Metafilter: 8 pages of impossibly postured fucking.
posted by dr_dank at 11:55 AM on September 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Wait, what did you think he meant by "pop rocks"?

The mere fact that you call it that tells me you're not ready.
posted by en forme de poire at 11:56 AM on September 17, 2015 [10 favorites]

my takeaway full of biased stereotypes:

Playstation: good diversity in age and race, interesting search terms, they know what they like (less page views) and spend more time on them

Xbox: typical/boring search terms typical of white teens (not surprising when you look at countries info), and no Katsuni??

Wii: otakus/asians out the wazoo, some strange obsessions, and maybe a bit ADD

I really wanna see info from PornHub, they always have some great articles!
posted by numaner at 3:31 PM on September 17, 2015

Tentacle pr0n is some old, old stuff. Think early 1800's. Also think NSFW, even if it is a wiki page.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 5:41 PM on September 17, 2015

Thorzdad: "So, in the breakdown by nation...Is there a reason Japan doesn't appear? Are sites like YouPorn blocked there? I would think including Japan would have boosted the Wii's representation."

It only showed the top 20 countries, so my guess is just that Japan is simply 21 or later. And, no, YouPorn is not blocked here (though I have no idea how PlayStations connect to the Internet. If they use some sort of proprietary PlayNet Internet eXperience coNNEcT thing that runs through a Sony firewall farm, who knows if YouPorn is accessible).
posted by Bugbread at 6:13 PM on September 17, 2015

Dial-up speeds necessarily limited consumption

That feeling of anticipation as you wait to see if the slowly appearing grainy image will be Samantha Fox's boobs or a picture of a giraffe...
posted by Justinian at 6:36 PM on September 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

So now I'm curious what the first computer porn was. I know there was that Playboy centerfold but that's not exactly porn, unless you're asking my mom.

The first I saw was in about 1988, some kind of dirty (if you squinted just right) ASCII art. That was the same week that I was introduced to Leisure Suit Larry and filled out an endless version of the purity test (where I scored sadly low, even when I exaggerated and lied at every opportunity). A year or so later a creepy relative showed me, in his basement, a porn photo downloaded from a BBS, but it froze up before it got down to nipple level, and wasn't much higher resolution than ASCII art anyway.

The search terms people seem to be using were not what I was expecting, both less and more mainstream than I would have guessed.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:05 PM on September 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

We had scrambled HBO/Showtime/The Movie Channel in my small town when I was in high school 1979-1982. Did anyone else discover that you could use the fine-tuning control to somewhat make the picture less distorted, at the cost of the color signal? I do. Anyone remember Lady Chatterly's Lover? That was on all the time.

The third most disproportionately frequent search term by women is "gloryhole creampie". I'm not sure I believe that their gender metrics are reliable.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:02 AM on September 18, 2015

Oh, also, I definitely remember the gif porn you could find on BBSs in the late 80s. I ran a BBS in 1989 for a while.

But, really, for me the defining moment of internet porn was discovering Usenet porn in the summer of 1994, when I got my first dial-in shell account. (Incidentally, that summer was when I downloaded all the Slackware disks and did my first Linux install.)

I remember introducing Usenet porn to my good friend later that year. Thanksgiving, in fact. In between sessions of null modem co-op Doom, we downloaded porn. Mostly, I'd just passed by the more outre stuff, but this friend was the type who insisted on downloading the crazier stuff. That was so far beyond my adolescence of a decade earlier, it was hard to comprehend how much the world had changed in terms of access to porn.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:18 AM on September 18, 2015

The third most disproportionately frequent search term by women is "gloryhole creampie". I'm not sure I believe that their gender metrics are reliable.

If the number of men and women who searched for it was small, it could just be sampling error. The raw dataset would make an interesting in-class exercise for some statistics professor somewhere who has tenure.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:21 AM on September 18, 2015 [4 favorites]

"The third most disproportionately frequent search term by women is "gloryhole creampie". I'm not sure I believe that their gender metrics are reliable."

Or maybe we have a bunch of assumptions of women's sexuality that aren't really accurate?
posted by I-baLL at 2:00 PM on September 18, 2015

how do you even gloryhole creampie

seriously what could a person actually be searching for by putting those terms together
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:18 PM on September 18, 2015

A gloryhole encounter that ends with a creampie? I mean, that's what it says on the box.
posted by I-baLL at 2:21 PM on September 18, 2015

It just seems kinda specific, y'know?
posted by Justinian at 2:55 PM on September 18, 2015

When someone knows what they like, what's wrong with specificity?

A gloryhole encounter that ends with a creampie? I mean, that's what it says on the box.

I see what you did there.
posted by nubs at 2:59 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

The specificity is why it is unusually big! If no one searches for it, then 6 searches is about 500% more than 1! It's a statistical artifact!
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:14 PM on September 18, 2015 [3 favorites]

I did some Internet research on the "gloryhole creampie" phenomenon and was astonished to learn that "gloryhole" was a heterosexual thing in porn. I mean it's bad enough straight people have co-opted anal sex from us gays, now they're colonizing awkward men's room anonymous encounters through walls, too? I am of course expressing humorous mock outrage.
posted by Nelson at 3:26 PM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

People have the kinks they have and I've known a lot of women who have a taste in porn that's as catholic as that of men. I've known a lot of women who think that such women don't exist, too. Be that as it may, both parts of that combination strike me as being unusually biased toward the male side of the spectrum of kinks and so my reaction was to think that the combination was quite unlikely for women. But the gloryhole part hits the anonymous sex without consequences kink and the creampie part hits the male orgasm during coitus part (as opposed to the money shot thing), and both of those things, now that I think about it, aren't as gender-skewed as I initially thought.

I'd still like an explanation for how they get this demographic information. I don't understand how it could be available to a web server. An online game server, sure, given that consoles have service user accounts and profiles. But through the console web browser to the web server?
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:41 PM on September 18, 2015

Nelson, it's gentrification at work is what it is.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:47 PM on September 18, 2015 [2 favorites]

It just seems kinda specific, y'know?

"Gloryhole" and "creampie" are both pretty big tags on most porn sites, so it's not that far out to consider putting the two together.

People can get pretty specific about their kinks. This is especially the case on community-driven amateur porn sites. You'll see people who upload galleries like "MILF One Boob Out, Part 23" that's like 50+ photos of different women over 30 who are exposing exactly one breast. I'm not a social scientist, but the dynamic that I think is at work here is that when you combine a website community with material that is tagged, i.e., given labels pertaining to subject matter both general and specific, people in that community will start to combine tags that separately they've found arousing. The whole "I like A and I like B so I bet I would totally love A+B" thing.

I'm sure there's probably literature on this already, but I think material organized in this fashion has some influence on the kinks people develop, just as there are probably people who visit a porn site for the first time and discover, like a bolt out of the blue, that they love one-boob-out photos.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 4:51 PM on September 18, 2015

okay fine I googled it, I was wrong, GHCP is a thing, I underestimated porn
posted by prize bull octorok at 5:33 PM on September 18, 2015 [3 favorites]

Let that be a lesson to you.
posted by nubs at 5:52 PM on September 18, 2015 [5 favorites]

rule 34, seriously.
posted by numaner at 10:02 PM on September 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

The specificity is why it is unusually big! If no one searches for it, then 6 searches is about 500% more than 1! It's a statistical artifact!

<bumper sticker>chisq.test or gtfo</bumper>
posted by en forme de poire at 2:58 AM on September 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

Actually after doing my own search for gloryhole cream pie (for research purposes!) the videos have quite a few views. I would still like to see the raw data set to do some real statistics to it though.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:26 AM on September 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

HOT YOUNG RAW DATASETS in your neighborhood want to do REAL STATISTICS all night long
posted by poffin boffin at 10:23 AM on September 20, 2015 [10 favorites]

Yeah, that's mostly a scam. Sure, there's a bunch of hot talk about skewness and kurtosis to start, but as soon as you try to do anything with deviation, they want a credit card.
posted by nubs at 10:39 AM on September 20, 2015 [5 favorites]

Only $20 for the first sigma, and $30 for each additional sigma.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 10:51 AM on September 20, 2015 [4 favorites]