Jawsome!

May 26, 2016 9:02 AM

Everything you think you know about Street Sharks is a lie.
posted by specialagentwebb (43 comments total)

One of my favorite hobbies is to come up with fake show names and write a fake TV guide episode description for an episode or two. this guy is my spiritual brother.
posted by museum of fire ants at 9:12 AM on May 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

Also...'Goin' Clammando'!!!!
posted by museum of fire ants at 9:13 AM on May 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

I love that he's sure other people talking about remembering fake episodes and characters must be suffering some weird delusion and can barely entertain the idea that someone besides himself might play along with a joke or make stuff up on the internet.

It's hilarious how many idiots think the Weekly World News stories are real, amiright?
posted by straight at 9:28 AM on May 26, 2016

I read the whole article and then I read the actual Wikipedia article and I'm still not sure whether the show even existed. Really, Street Sharks?
posted by yhbc at 9:46 AM on May 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

In the Bernstein universe this show doesn't exist. I refute thee thus.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:49 AM on May 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

I was 8 years old when this was on Saturday mornings, and I watched a lot of episodes. I think I can even remember some of the major plotlines. Even with that knowledge, those episode summaries are 100% plausible, to the point that I started half-remembering the plots as I was reading them. Damn you, intersection of nostalgia for horrible things and crowd-sourced data!
posted by Mayor West at 9:49 AM on May 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

It was totally a real show. They traveled around underground, with their dorsal fins tearing through asphalt. Like a grotesque Bugs Bunny parody, but with horrible deformed mutant sharkmen
posted by Mayor West at 9:50 AM on May 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

What episode involved a ladder, a door, and someone getting paint on their face???
posted by museum of fire ants at 9:51 AM on May 26, 2016 [16 favorites]

As soon as real people started looking at things, his fake stories instantly broke down and the truth was revealed. He basically just fooled a site migration, a bunch of information scrapping bots, and a few people who used a reference document excepting it to be accurate.

Good job, you made the internet slightly worse for your delusions of grandeur.

(As a note: I'm totally cool with writing up ridiculous fan-fic alternate episodes of crap TV shows - but just label it as fan-fic.)
posted by mayonnaises at 9:56 AM on May 26, 2016

Your honor, I totally saw Elvis shoot JFK. Prom prom and hope to die, your honor.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:56 AM on May 26, 2016

I'm somehow not surprised—it's actually quite easy for lies to be repeated in Internet communities to the point where they become "truth" despite never being able to find a single origin where the point was first mentioned. And, much like this Street Sharks example, the lies are usually 10-15 years old to begin with.

What's more interesting to me, though, is how an observation effect can make these things reality: for instance, during the production of Sonic Generations my research team were looking into names given to certain Sonic Colors enemies while they were in production; because we didn't know one of them, someone (unbeknownst to us) put in their best creative guess in our wiki. That name was picked up and used in Generations, so it...retroactively became canon?

The ability of the Internet to warp pop culture so easily like this is fascinating.
posted by Hot Like Your 12V Wire at 10:06 AM on May 26, 2016 [4 favorites]

You mean Henry Winkler wasn't really a voice actor in Street Sharks? History is meaningless! It's an ontological nightmare! I don't know what to believe now. It's like that time when the sharks find themselves in Dr. Paradigm's basement:

"Looks like the only way outta here is up those stairs over there."
"Smells like someone is trying to herd us where they want us to go."
"Nobody herds me!"
"I hear ya."

So they tear down the building instead.
posted by sfenders at 10:11 AM on May 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

Seriously, I'm trying to convince myself that this whole series isn't just sort of meta-hoax, and kind of failing. The idea people would actually care about it should be the biggest argument against it, right?.
posted by happyroach at 10:16 AM on May 26, 2016

It's deliciously real happyroach.
posted by museum of fire ants at 10:28 AM on May 26, 2016

I just discovered that a fake movie that I made up and wrote about for a long-defunct film review site inspired a Straight Dope message board thread about whether it was real or not. So, thanks, Street Sharks.
posted by goatdog at 10:29 AM on May 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

And somewhere, Jabberjaw rage-cries into his gin.
posted by museum of fire ants at 10:33 AM on May 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

Jabberjaw and Street Sharks are right next to each other in the "Unnecessary shark-related media" bin.

Also, speaking of the Straight Dope message board, there is a decade-long discussion wether or not the ending to "14 going on 30" is actually an alternate ending to "Big". People's memories are a strange, mutable thing and it's easy for a plausible lie to become the unvarnished truth in someone's mind. Also, it's easy to make up bullshit about stuff no-one cares about. I'm one of a handful of people that remembers the cartoon Project G.e.e.K.e.R., Maybe I should invent a Bernstein Universe where it wasn't cancelled after one season.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 10:48 AM on May 26, 2016 [2 favorites]

People like this hurt humanity, in their own tiny, trivial, pointless way. However silly Street Sharks was, at least the people who created it and wrote it and drew it every week added some bit of new thing to the world. Starting rumors is easy as any middle schooler knows. But this is pooping in the urinal and calling it a artistic statement on "freedom from conformity, man!"

Look, all human knowledge is sandcastles on the beach when the tide is coming in. People contributing to Wikipedia or IMDb or uncovering Mayan ruins or writing their thesis on Byzantine history know this, better than anyone. They don't need you to kick a sandcastle down to make a point about the so-called fluidity of history. Write a fake TV show, write a fake synopsis, have a blast - just don't spit it into the commons well and call it water.

I contribute to IMDb.

(The spoofs and jokes here are funny, and I don't think they're hurting anybody.)
posted by radagast at 10:48 AM on May 26, 2016 [6 favorites]

See also: people that swear "Episode IV" was in the first theatrical release of Star Wars.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 10:50 AM on May 26, 2016

IMDB is still missing Jane Curtain, Laraine Newman, Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner and others who I vividly remember having cameos in this bizarre series. I think the episode was titled "Candygram"
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 10:50 AM on May 26, 2016 [7 favorites]

I somehow missed on my first read that he started this in middle school, which makes this so much more amazing to me (and I loved it already).
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:59 AM on May 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Yeah even if you are firmly committed to truth in shark recaps you have to realize a whole lot of people tried some dumb wiki prank in middle school - it would be disconcerting indeed to find that it had developed a life of its own.
posted by atoxyl at 11:08 AM on May 26, 2016

Thanks to Mayor West I accept that this was actually a professionally produced network production (?what? no not really??? "StreetSharks?? no??) but on a quick view of a youtube clip my impression was that this was an elaborate street artist satire of 80's children s Saturday morning cartoons. I mean who thought up a show for preteens that was sharks with legs ripping down walls with giant teeth?
posted by sammyo at 11:14 AM on May 26, 2016

You can get the opposite effect pretty easily; after I found out that some mapmakers would include fictitious details in their maps to catch copiers, I was convinced that Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky was fake. Turns out it isn't.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:37 AM on May 26, 2016

I accept that this was actually a professionally produced network production (?what? no not really??? "StreetSharks?? no??) but on a quick view of a youtube clip my impression was that this was an elaborate street artist satire of 80's children s Saturday morning cartoons. I mean who thought up a show for preteens that was sharks with legs ripping down walls with giant teeth?

The 90's were a weird decade for animated children's programming. Alongside the behemoths (Batman, Animaniacs, The Simpsons, etc.) were a slew of also-rans that the networks commissioned to cash in on the eyeballs that were already glued to the TV. Some were quite good--I liked Darkwing Duck and Talespin and even some of the lesser ones like Gargoyles or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But there were a metric fuckton of (in retrospect) almost unwatchably-bad shows that filled out the 2-hour afternoon and 4-hour Saturday/Sunday morning blocks. They weren't parodies. If only we were so lucky. These were pure kitsch. Off the top of my head: James Bond Jr., in which 007's son fights crime with his high school chums; the aforementioned Street Sharks; Swamp Thing, whose entire schtick appears to have been appropriating the success of Major League by replacing the lyrics of Wild Thing for its intro; and an entire spinoff show about Taz, the non-verbal Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes.
posted by Mayor West at 12:00 PM on May 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

See the one thing about this story that strikes me as fishy (natch) is that the author swears he invented Roxie out of whole cloth, including that screencap. Except that screencap is pulled from an episode I clearly remember - S04E03 'Creepy Cruds' where the entire gang *including Roxie*has to retrieve the Sewer Sharkinator from Horace Horrible after he nicks it, and they chase him all the way back to Candle Cove. I can't remember how the episode ends, aside from the part where I tear out my own eyes.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:01 PM on May 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm reminded of the heavily vandalized Doug Wikia that I found many years ago.
posted by codacorolla at 12:05 PM on May 26, 2016

James Bond Jr was somehow 007's nephew.
posted by dumbland at 12:54 PM on May 26, 2016

What is that animated sharkman GIF near the top of the article from? Don't tell me there's a live-action version. OR maybe it's from a toy commercial?
posted by Theta States at 1:34 PM on May 26, 2016

My memory says the live-action one is indeed a commercial. I caught a few episodes of this show back in the day. I was never a big fan of the Awesome Radical flavor that I was supposed to be into as a young boy, but I've always been really uncomfortable and uneasy around transformation sequences, especially live action ones, so it makes sense that this particular bit would stick in my head. It could be completely made up, but I do have a sense of recognition looking at it, and also that it was intrusive, which would make it a commercial showing up during something I actually liked, like Darkwing Duck.
posted by Scattercat at 1:54 PM on May 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

One of my favorite hobbies is to come up with fake show names and write a fake TV guide episode description for an episode or two. this guy is my spiritual brother.

This guy has invested as much time into made up shows, cartoons, ad campaigns, and series of concept albums as some people do on actual careers.

(it's soured a bit by the homophobia, sexism, probable signs of mental illness, etc. but still kind of fascinatingly awful)
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 2:07 PM on May 26, 2016

This was a very real show and I loved it as a kid, riding high off the wave of TMNT. I also watched a little bit of Jabberjaw but found it too silly.

Man, I miss 90's cartoons.

I never came across the misinformation spread by this guy, though, but that's hilarious.
posted by numaner at 2:54 PM on May 26, 2016

I definitely have memories of seeing a portrait of Henry VIII holding a turkey leg, tho.
posted by straight at 4:08 PM on May 26, 2016

I never got into Street Sharks, because in my television market, it ran opposite of Bearriors in the same time slot on a different channel.
posted by radwolf76 at 6:54 PM on May 26, 2016

I'm one of a handful of people that remembers the cartoon Project G.e.e.K.e.R.

I always felt like this was Billy West doing Fry before Fry was Fry. I also remember the obligatory 90's dinosaur (Brad Garrett, really?). You know, because it's the future and its weird and all.

I did rather enjoy the dystopian bent of it all, though, of course.

Project G.e.e.K.e.R. was okay, definitely better than the trash that was Street Sharks.

I fully approve of this disillusion of the notion that there is any such thing as objective truth in the universe, and Street Sharks frankly seems like an appropriate vehicle for it, no less.
posted by deadaluspark at 7:27 PM on May 26, 2016

I think I am naturally terrified of any creature where the mouth takes up, say 20% or more of the body.

like gulper eels, angler fish, street sharks.


I am OK with this fear. This fear is a good thing.
posted by Theta States at 8:02 PM on May 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

In 1994, there had to be a place for untalented animators to go so they would not pollute the good shows (previously FPP'd: Animaniacs and The Tick, among others). That's why Street Sharks existed.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:10 PM on May 26, 2016

and an entire spinoff show about Taz, the non-verbal Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes.

Tazmania was great because the voiceovers for some of the characters were clearly homages to aging adult celebrities. His dad was Bing Crowsby, his uncle was Bob Hope, Wendal T. Wolf was Woody Allen, and Bushwhacker Bob was inspired by Basil Fawlty.

Plus John Astin (!) did the voice of a character who was always preternaturally cheerful and calm, even while committing brutal acts of cartoon violence (or being the victim of such acts himself). The incongruity of this was often compelling.

But if you really want to talk deeply weird cartoons from the 90's, try Samurai Pizza Cats. Saban bought the rights to the Japanese original, Kyatto Ninden Teyandee, but they couldn't get their hands on good quality English translation of the material, so they just made up completely new dialogue from scratch. It ended up as a self-aware parody of TMNT with kind of a Super Sentai/Voltron twist.
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:12 PM on May 26, 2016 [1 favorite]

Also, if you didn't need to an additional reason to love the weird abomination that is Samurai Pizza Cats, the theme song featured Fred Schneider-style sprechgesang.
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:28 PM on May 26, 2016

Thank god they wore pants.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:51 PM on May 26, 2016

I get that they're supposed to look menacing, but I see those tiny legs and awww. So cute. Then I remember how so many cartoons featured anthropomorphic animals without pants, even if they wore shirts and hats. But the street sharks are sharks with no shirts, wearing pants. Trying to imagine these particular sharks pantsless, with gigantic heads, human muscles and teeny tiny legs... I think they made the right call.
posted by krinklyfig at 11:00 PM on May 26, 2016

I saw the Street Sharks one morning after pulling an all-nighter. They are shark people that can swim in tarmac. I felt sorry for the children who had to watch this 'entertainment'. Decided to go to bed as no matter how tired and disturbed I may have felt, there was no chance of my brain subjecting me to anything as grotesque.
posted by asok at 6:57 AM on May 27, 2016 [1 favorite]

Fred Schneider-style sprechgesang

I learned something new!
posted by Theta States at 8:24 AM on May 27, 2016