You see the sign? Well can you read it??
July 12, 2020 10:57 AM Subscribe
There are a lot of old corporate training videos on Youtube, but only one stars Joan, the demon checkout clerk of Elmhurst, Illinois.
I hate to correct this video, but having grown up over by there in the next town north of Elmhurst, the store is called "the Jewels."
"May I please have a paper baig?"
posted by SteveInMaine at 11:40 AM on July 12, 2020 [11 favorites]
"May I please have a paper baig?"
posted by SteveInMaine at 11:40 AM on July 12, 2020 [11 favorites]
I love her.
Fun note: how much are all the people getting trained this way paid an hour? In Texas in 1986 I got the 3.35 minimum wage as a bagger. It can't be much more than that, can it?
posted by emjaybee at 11:41 AM on July 12, 2020 [2 favorites]
Fun note: how much are all the people getting trained this way paid an hour? In Texas in 1986 I got the 3.35 minimum wage as a bagger. It can't be much more than that, can it?
posted by emjaybee at 11:41 AM on July 12, 2020 [2 favorites]
Boy howdy does she get pissed off at the express lane guy. I've never seen a cashier actually send someone away for having too much stuff. They normally don't even mention it.
That doesn't actually seem like too bad of a video, for the time. There's some diversity going on, and the advice seems on par with the cheesy customer service training videos of today. The intro and outro music went on WAY too long, though. I was super bored before the training part even kicked in.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:14 PM on July 12, 2020 [8 favorites]
That doesn't actually seem like too bad of a video, for the time. There's some diversity going on, and the advice seems on par with the cheesy customer service training videos of today. The intro and outro music went on WAY too long, though. I was super bored before the training part even kicked in.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:14 PM on July 12, 2020 [8 favorites]
It can't be much more than that, can it?
Nope! Illinois' minimum wage was $3.35 from 1985 all the way to 1991. (source)
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:19 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
Nope! Illinois' minimum wage was $3.35 from 1985 all the way to 1991. (source)
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:19 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
the store is called "the Jewels"
Hmm. I call it "the Jewel" with no s, but I didn't grow up here so maybe I've been saying it wrong for 20 years. Back in Ohio we mostly didn't use the "the" for stores... it was Kroger, not "the Kroger."
Whenever I go to the Jewel to get groceries, I always text my husband to see if he wants anything. I type "Want anything from the" and for a long time my autofill always suggested Death as the next word in the sentence. Lately it's been giving me a choice of Jewel, Exorcist or angels.
Want anything from the Exorcist? As long as I'm going.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:20 PM on July 12, 2020 [15 favorites]
Hmm. I call it "the Jewel" with no s, but I didn't grow up here so maybe I've been saying it wrong for 20 years. Back in Ohio we mostly didn't use the "the" for stores... it was Kroger, not "the Kroger."
Whenever I go to the Jewel to get groceries, I always text my husband to see if he wants anything. I type "Want anything from the" and for a long time my autofill always suggested Death as the next word in the sentence. Lately it's been giving me a choice of Jewel, Exorcist or angels.
Want anything from the Exorcist? As long as I'm going.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:20 PM on July 12, 2020 [15 favorites]
I had all but forgotten how neon and pastel colored geometrical shapes on marble texture backgrounds were like everywhere back then.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:22 PM on July 12, 2020 [14 favorites]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:22 PM on July 12, 2020 [14 favorites]
True, the Crystal Pepsi Employee Training Video from 1992 doesn't have Joan, but it does have non-stop early 1990s style. If you're looking for that kind of thing.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:22 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by filthy light thief at 12:22 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
I believe this was at the Jewel(s) near downtown Elmhurst, off of Robert Palmer Drive. No, not that Robert Palmer, but this one.
posted by stannate at 12:27 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by stannate at 12:27 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
I can relate to Bad Joan.
"Jewel"! That's the name of that one store. It was a Gibson's when I was little. Both would have likely been forever lost in my memory were it not for this thread. So, thanks?
Yeah, it really is a pretty good video. The acting is better than average and I think they had fun portraying bad customer service.
I say I can relate to Bad Joan, because of course I can, but for whatever reason and despite my introversion I was blessed with a great fondness for, well, people — that always outweighed my annoyance. I always used to say that if you're the kind of person for whom one jerk can ruin your day — and not one good person making your day — you ought not be in customer service. I really can't imagine how unpleasant it must be — unfortunately, service jobs are often the only jobs many people can find and they are forced to do work that actively makes them unhappy. Everyone loses in that scenario.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:27 PM on July 12, 2020 [2 favorites]
"Jewel"! That's the name of that one store. It was a Gibson's when I was little. Both would have likely been forever lost in my memory were it not for this thread. So, thanks?
Yeah, it really is a pretty good video. The acting is better than average and I think they had fun portraying bad customer service.
I say I can relate to Bad Joan, because of course I can, but for whatever reason and despite my introversion I was blessed with a great fondness for, well, people — that always outweighed my annoyance. I always used to say that if you're the kind of person for whom one jerk can ruin your day — and not one good person making your day — you ought not be in customer service. I really can't imagine how unpleasant it must be — unfortunately, service jobs are often the only jobs many people can find and they are forced to do work that actively makes them unhappy. Everyone loses in that scenario.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:27 PM on July 12, 2020 [2 favorites]
I love this video so much I remixed it a few years back! C U S T O M E R S _ F I R S T
posted by swift at 12:54 PM on July 12, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by swift at 12:54 PM on July 12, 2020 [8 favorites]
As someone who worked retail for 35 years I found this very stressful to watch because the counter checkout system exposes the clerk to the customer (no escape route) and is set up in a way that forces them to needlessly twist and turn. Is this really how The Jewels checkout system is arranged?!
posted by dobbs at 1:12 PM on July 12, 2020 [7 favorites]
posted by dobbs at 1:12 PM on July 12, 2020 [7 favorites]
For us growing up it was always “Jewel Store” or “the Jewel’s”, and rarely “Jewel’s” but never just “Jewel.”
Friendly Intro React Smile Thank You. Very easy.
posted by hijinx at 1:26 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
Friendly Intro React Smile Thank You. Very easy.
posted by hijinx at 1:26 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
I would patronize a store that hired Bad Joans. the other customers usually piss me off way more than the staff does.
posted by benzenedream at 2:45 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by benzenedream at 2:45 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
That dude totally knew it was"10 items or less".
She should kindly, with a smile, invite him to visit another checkout.
posted by madajb at 2:55 PM on July 12, 2020 [6 favorites]
She should kindly, with a smile, invite him to visit another checkout.
posted by madajb at 2:55 PM on July 12, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by kurumi at 3:03 PM on July 12, 2020 [13 favorites]
NATIONAL COIN SHORTAGE, SIR
posted by clavdivs at 3:04 PM on July 12, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by clavdivs at 3:04 PM on July 12, 2020 [2 favorites]
That checkout looks like an ergonomic nightmare, look how much twisting they have to do just in the example, imagine doing that for an 8 hour day.
Why is the check writing shelf set back past the cash register? You know the little old ladies are going to stand and watch the total before moving through.
But hey, at least you can two hand scan, which probably comes in handy when you're adding 5 cans of last minute bean sprouts!
Also, my first girlfriend had hair exactly like bean sprout girl, and it's amazing how many memories that triggered.
posted by madajb at 3:07 PM on July 12, 2020 [5 favorites]
Why is the check writing shelf set back past the cash register? You know the little old ladies are going to stand and watch the total before moving through.
But hey, at least you can two hand scan, which probably comes in handy when you're adding 5 cans of last minute bean sprouts!
Also, my first girlfriend had hair exactly like bean sprout girl, and it's amazing how many memories that triggered.
posted by madajb at 3:07 PM on July 12, 2020 [5 favorites]
Fun note: how much are all the people getting trained this way paid an hour? In Texas in 1986 I got the 3.35 minimum wage as a bagger. It can't be much more than that, can it?
I was a cart boy/bagger in NY at the time, and I was paid $4.15/hour which was above minimum wage, it being a union job.
posted by madajb at 3:11 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
I was a cart boy/bagger in NY at the time, and I was paid $4.15/hour which was above minimum wage, it being a union job.
posted by madajb at 3:11 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
Jewel remains a union shop. I live over by one.
posted by readery at 3:28 PM on July 12, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by readery at 3:28 PM on July 12, 2020 [9 favorites]
Joan, the demon checkout clerk of Elmhurst, Illinois
Gotta admit this led me to expect more gore than I was given.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:45 PM on July 12, 2020 [23 favorites]
Gotta admit this led me to expect more gore than I was given.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:45 PM on July 12, 2020 [23 favorites]
For a year back in 2001, I worked the investor relations department for TCF (a regional bank in the Midwest, which coincidentally, had/has branches in Chicago-land Jewel stores). While I was there, they rolled out a customer-service program cleverly (?) called The Customer First (TCF). It was replete with a message from the CEO (who was so clearly into it that he didn't bother trying to get a take where he wasn't obviously reading off cue-cards too far below lens height).
One of the training videos was also shot in the cube next to mine; at one point, the marketing person complained that my phone kept interrupting takes, and got mad at me for refusing to turn it off (of all the customers they really cared about, investors were #1, so turning my phone off wasn't an option).
Our Sr. VP several times referred to the program as the "TCF first" program, which seemed fitting.
posted by Ickster at 3:46 PM on July 12, 2020 [5 favorites]
One of the training videos was also shot in the cube next to mine; at one point, the marketing person complained that my phone kept interrupting takes, and got mad at me for refusing to turn it off (of all the customers they really cared about, investors were #1, so turning my phone off wasn't an option).
Our Sr. VP several times referred to the program as the "TCF first" program, which seemed fitting.
posted by Ickster at 3:46 PM on July 12, 2020 [5 favorites]
I was told there would be a demon checkout clerk.
posted by grimjeer at 4:14 PM on July 12, 2020 [14 favorites]
posted by grimjeer at 4:14 PM on July 12, 2020 [14 favorites]
I think some people might use the term 'demon' more cavalierly then I would.
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:59 PM on July 12, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:59 PM on July 12, 2020 [8 favorites]
I don’t get the “Jewels” thing. I’ve been living in the Chicago burbs for 55 years, most of it shopping at Jewel, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard it called Jewlels or Jewel’s. Now before Safeway dumpstered Domininck’s there was definitely a trailing “s”, but it was right there on the sign and in the copy. On the other hand, before Eagle blew town in the early 90s it was like, Jewel, simply Eagle.
posted by hwestiii at 5:01 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by hwestiii at 5:01 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
10 items or fewer! 10 items or fewer! I rip the sign from the chain and mail it it to the Jewel CEO along with the carcass of a dead marmoset.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:15 PM on July 12, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:15 PM on July 12, 2020 [9 favorites]
Clearly Joan is a method actress. Imagine what she goes home like on those “bad Joan” shooting days.
posted by kinnakeet at 7:04 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by kinnakeet at 7:04 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
The guy complaining about not getting the sale price kind of looks like Keith Hernandez.
posted by AndrewInDC at 7:36 PM on July 12, 2020
posted by AndrewInDC at 7:36 PM on July 12, 2020
Yeah, Joan is not an actual demon. She is just a human who is annoyed by customers and can't 100% hide it in half of the examples.
I feel like this is the sort of video they would make me watch at work to this day.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:10 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
I feel like this is the sort of video they would make me watch at work to this day.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:10 PM on July 12, 2020 [3 favorites]
In my 20s I worked in the service industry making not good money but it taught me an important lesson - the customer is almost never right. I feel your pain Bad Joan. EQUITY FOR BAD JOAN!
posted by Ashwagandha at 9:36 PM on July 12, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Ashwagandha at 9:36 PM on July 12, 2020 [2 favorites]
> The intro and outro music went on WAY too long, though. I was super bored before the training part even kicked in.
California's diversity training has a time spent minimum -- if you complete our online training in under an hour, congratulations, you get to fuck about 'reviewing' until you've learned not to be racist I guess. Or until the hour is over, in which case I guess we expect your biases have been cleansed.
Maybe there's a similar run up the clock going on in corporate training even when the government isn't demanding it. Obviously the 10 minute video does a a better job instilling customer service than the 8 minute one?
posted by pwnguin at 10:05 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
California's diversity training has a time spent minimum -- if you complete our online training in under an hour, congratulations, you get to fuck about 'reviewing' until you've learned not to be racist I guess. Or until the hour is over, in which case I guess we expect your biases have been cleansed.
Maybe there's a similar run up the clock going on in corporate training even when the government isn't demanding it. Obviously the 10 minute video does a a better job instilling customer service than the 8 minute one?
posted by pwnguin at 10:05 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
We are all just one corporate training video with a snappy saxophone solo away from total anarchy. You won’t honor my rain check? How about you honor my glock? Hell no I ain’t wear in’ a mask, how bout you make me? This is America!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:07 PM on July 12, 2020
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:07 PM on July 12, 2020
Oh my gosh, is that Coach Z's kid doing the bagging? I got some Homestar Runner flashbacks the second he opened his mouth! These are very much like my McDonald's training videos when I worked at one in the mid-80s. Ugh, I still remember my ugly blue poly uniform with the thin white stripe and the goofy hat.
We have no Joans of either sort at my local store; they're absolutely silent, even when I greet them. They nod, they ring me up, they bag my food, I put the bags in my granny cart, I say, "Thanks," they reply, "No problem," and that's that. The last time I got a chatty clerk was back in Wisconsin.
posted by droplet at 11:37 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
We have no Joans of either sort at my local store; they're absolutely silent, even when I greet them. They nod, they ring me up, they bag my food, I put the bags in my granny cart, I say, "Thanks," they reply, "No problem," and that's that. The last time I got a chatty clerk was back in Wisconsin.
posted by droplet at 11:37 PM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
I like how the video starts off with a whole "Customers First" animated jingle, and five minutes later it turns out that you have to stop in the middle of checking out a customer the instant a supervisor shows up, and the only difference between Bad Joan and Good Joan in the face of company policy is how politely she explains to the customer that they aren't, actually, first. And Good Joan lies, telling the customer "I'll get you out of here right away" when she's about to ignore the customer to do some accounting.
I mean the customer is never actually first, for obvious reasons; it just sometimes takes more than five minutes to acknowledge that.
posted by zachlipton at 1:01 AM on July 13, 2020 [5 favorites]
I mean the customer is never actually first, for obvious reasons; it just sometimes takes more than five minutes to acknowledge that.
posted by zachlipton at 1:01 AM on July 13, 2020 [5 favorites]
this led me to expect more gore than I was given
Properly gory training video? Right here, sir. Anything else I can help you with today?
posted by flabdablet at 2:25 AM on July 13, 2020 [1 favorite]
Properly gory training video? Right here, sir. Anything else I can help you with today?
posted by flabdablet at 2:25 AM on July 13, 2020 [1 favorite]
Is Evil Joan part of a canonical alternate timeline in the Jewel Extended Universe, or is this more of a what-if situation?
posted by condour75 at 4:47 AM on July 13, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by condour75 at 4:47 AM on July 13, 2020 [4 favorites]
GCU Sweet and Full of Grace: " Joan, the demon checkout clerk of Elmhurst, Illinois
Gotta admit this led me to expect more gore than I was given."
You have to watch it again, and pay more attention.
[The true demons are the makers of training films like these]
posted by chavenet at 6:59 AM on July 13, 2020 [1 favorite]
Gotta admit this led me to expect more gore than I was given."
You have to watch it again, and pay more attention.
[The true demons are the makers of training films like these]
posted by chavenet at 6:59 AM on July 13, 2020 [1 favorite]
I don’t know... shopping in grocery stores, I’ve encountered far more bad customers than bad checkout clerks. But overall it’s rare. But for me I’ve never liked that fake friendly stuff. Give me a real human being, funny, serious, tired, etc. they are rare too, but I remember them and always say hi if I see them again.
posted by njohnson23 at 9:05 AM on July 13, 2020
posted by njohnson23 at 9:05 AM on July 13, 2020
Fuck that "10 items guy", he deserves to be booted out of the store.
posted by greenhornet at 9:32 AM on July 13, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by greenhornet at 9:32 AM on July 13, 2020 [2 favorites]
Joan, the demon checkout clerk of Elmhurst, Illinois
The best Nick Cave song that never was.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:08 PM on July 13, 2020 [3 favorites]
The best Nick Cave song that never was.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:08 PM on July 13, 2020 [3 favorites]
When the video started up, I wasn't 100% sure whether it was going to be an authentic 1980s video or a parody. The graphics, music, and video grain were all spot-on but those can be faked (though some more easily than others). But then when we get the first shot of the people and see that hair... that you can't fake. No way, no how. I think the styling products required to acheive these looks were banned by the Montreal Protocol.
posted by mhum at 12:23 PM on July 13, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by mhum at 12:23 PM on July 13, 2020 [3 favorites]
Pardon me, but you've charged me the regular price for the demons, when in fact the sale price is $9.99. Plus I have a coupon.
posted by storybored at 2:17 PM on July 13, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by storybored at 2:17 PM on July 13, 2020 [1 favorite]
My main takeaway from this was: they carry the groceries to your car for you???
posted by mippy at 6:37 AM on July 14, 2020
posted by mippy at 6:37 AM on July 14, 2020
I was applauding Joan when she dumped "10 items or less" guy's groceries back into his cart.
Also this video reminded me of early 90s when I worked as a temp and had to sit through a "Kelly Girl" training video.
posted by biggreenplant at 1:03 PM on July 14, 2020
Also this video reminded me of early 90s when I worked as a temp and had to sit through a "Kelly Girl" training video.
posted by biggreenplant at 1:03 PM on July 14, 2020
My main takeaway from this was: they carry the groceries to your car for you???
When I was a bagger years ago I used to sometimes get pretty big tips (5 or 10 dollars). It meant a lot to me at the time, and I promised myself that when I had a better paying job I would similarly tip my bagger.
I've never had to. No one has ever carried out my groceries.
posted by Quonab at 1:45 PM on July 14, 2020 [1 favorite]
When I was a bagger years ago I used to sometimes get pretty big tips (5 or 10 dollars). It meant a lot to me at the time, and I promised myself that when I had a better paying job I would similarly tip my bagger.
I've never had to. No one has ever carried out my groceries.
posted by Quonab at 1:45 PM on July 14, 2020 [1 favorite]
In the before times I couldn't get anyone to even bag my groceries 9 out of 10 times.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:38 PM on July 14, 2020
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:38 PM on July 14, 2020
Joan, the demon checkout clerk of Elmhurst, Illinois
The best NickCave Drake song that never was.
posted by CynicalKnight at 3:53 PM on July 14, 2020
The best Nick
posted by CynicalKnight at 3:53 PM on July 14, 2020
I was applauding Joan when she dumped "10 items or less" guy's groceries back into his cart.
I remember a time, not very many years ago, where the grocery store I went into had all lines 3-4 deep with people checking out, as it was a typical high volume time. I had 4 items, so went to the express lane. The dude in front of me had a cart overflowing with product. Cashier had already started ringing him up. Cashier said, "Sir, this is why we ask you not to use the express lane with more than 15 items."
Dude did the best to look sheepish to both me and the cashier, but failing miserably. It was clear he was a selfish jerk. I'll stand with Joan on that one, despite generally being a "Customers First!" type of person.
Also, we always called it jewelosco and was said really fast and scrunched up for some reason.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 5:15 PM on July 14, 2020
I remember a time, not very many years ago, where the grocery store I went into had all lines 3-4 deep with people checking out, as it was a typical high volume time. I had 4 items, so went to the express lane. The dude in front of me had a cart overflowing with product. Cashier had already started ringing him up. Cashier said, "Sir, this is why we ask you not to use the express lane with more than 15 items."
Dude did the best to look sheepish to both me and the cashier, but failing miserably. It was clear he was a selfish jerk. I'll stand with Joan on that one, despite generally being a "Customers First!" type of person.
Also, we always called it jewelosco and was said really fast and scrunched up for some reason.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 5:15 PM on July 14, 2020
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posted by theodolite at 10:57 AM on July 12, 2020 [10 favorites]