Americ-caaaaaaaaaaaaah!

April 5, 2005 10:12 AM

America We Stand as One. Can't stop watching. For all the wrong reasons. [.mov]
posted by adampsyche (141 comments total)

Amayru-kuh. We stand as one.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 10:18 AM on April 5, 2005

That was painful.
posted by fossil_human at 10:20 AM on April 5, 2005

Madalone is also featured on the Star Trek Trading Cards, which in the trading card world is a high honor, and a valuable collectable.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 10:21 AM on April 5, 2005

Isn't this 3 years late? Oh wait, mullets and power ballads are timeless.
posted by whatnot at 10:22 AM on April 5, 2005

Nice one Adampsyche, now I have to join Al Qaeda.
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:23 AM on April 5, 2005

posted by quonsar at 10:24 AM on April 5, 2005

Must we carry on?
posted by papercake at 10:25 AM on April 5, 2005

Fuck yeah!
posted by Mach5 at 10:27 AM on April 5, 2005

Proof that technology can be used for good and evil.
posted by petrilli at 10:28 AM on April 5, 2005

Rhyming "air" and "tear" is pretty brilliant. (Wait, that actually reads right - "tear" as in "crying many of them after watching this")
posted by tristeza at 10:31 AM on April 5, 2005

This is why I hate rock and roll.
posted by AlexReynolds at 10:31 AM on April 5, 2005

Not enough flag.
posted by 2sheets at 10:31 AM on April 5, 2005

Not enough cowbell.
posted by socratic at 10:32 AM on April 5, 2005

Dude, it's not a power ballad, it's a New American Rock Anthem, and it's magically glurgerrific!
posted by kimota at 10:32 AM on April 5, 2005

Well, how many of you critics can clear thirteen feet in a pole vault? Hmm? Hmmm?
posted by thirdparty at 10:32 AM on April 5, 2005

I wonder what the Flag Code has to say about grinding your sweaty fingers into a shred of the flag while mispronouncing "America" AND wearing a mullet?
posted by gurple at 10:34 AM on April 5, 2005

Finally, something to out-tubgirl the tubgirl.
posted by bondcliff at 10:34 AM on April 5, 2005

BLARF. Tell me that it was Adam Sandler in that video and that it's all a joke. It's like this guy travelled in time from 1987 to the future to deliver a heartwarming message of unity in America's time of need.
posted by picea at 10:34 AM on April 5, 2005

He's definitely singing from his heart AND his soul. Evidently he's passed over his brain, however.
posted by papercake at 10:34 AM on April 5, 2005

We stand as one? November was a while back, but as I recall some of us stand as 51% and others of us stand as 48%.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 10:35 AM on April 5, 2005

Great...now I am blind and deaf, because I had a to claw my eyes out and jab my ears with some pretzels I had lying around after watching the first few seconds of this.
posted by evilelvis at 10:37 AM on April 5, 2005

I'm still voting for Phil Oches "Power and Glory" .

this one....not so much.
posted by HuronBob at 10:37 AM on April 5, 2005

Why do you all hate America?
posted by adampsyche at 10:40 AM on April 5, 2005

I love America, but now I can't prove it 'cause dude just outspent me on the flag budget by a factor of 100, it's exactly how Regan snapped the spine of the Soviet Union.
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:43 AM on April 5, 2005

Thanks for the comments, I have learned enough to pass on this until I can "enjoy" it in the relative safety of my home where my co-workers will not be subjected to it.
posted by fenriq at 10:43 AM on April 5, 2005

My eyes!

My ears!

My daughter asked, "What's THAT one, Momma?" To which I replied, "I dunno, but I don't like it."

"Yeah Momma, not too tasty!"
posted by andreaazure at 10:44 AM on April 5, 2005

fenriq - Lock up the guns and liquor first.
posted by socratic at 10:44 AM on April 5, 2005

It's possible that people thought that the Star-Spangled Banner was cheesy and overwrought back in 1814 when Francis Scott Key wrote it. But that, that was truly wretched.
posted by Lynsey at 10:44 AM on April 5, 2005

What's up with that bandana tied to his knee... that's so 1982-Stryper-esque...
posted by Balisong at 10:49 AM on April 5, 2005

Balisong - It's to keep his America tied securely in place.

I should be paying attention in class...
posted by socratic at 10:53 AM on April 5, 2005

Note how the song is sung from a beyond-the-grave POV. Presumably because the composer knew there would be an angry lynch mob after him the moment it was actually performed.

I honestly can't tell whether this is satirical or sincere.
posted by adamrice at 10:56 AM on April 5, 2005

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Heh.

Um.

Oh God. Now I don't know what the hell to listen to in order to get that out of my ears.

*claws through available punkrock*
posted by jokeefe at 10:56 AM on April 5, 2005

Oh, and nice use of tags, adampsyche.
posted by jokeefe at 10:58 AM on April 5, 2005

Woah. Bill Squier and Howard Stern's lovechild.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:59 AM on April 5, 2005

those firefighters, cops and marines would SO kick that
hippy's ass.
posted by quonsar at 11:00 AM on April 5, 2005

He's a spy
posted by HuronBob at 11:01 AM on April 5, 2005

You be the judge.


posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:04 AM on April 5, 2005

Oh. My. Gawd. It wasn't until halfway through that I suspected this WASN'T a joke. It's too good to be true. The rapid cuts to the flag, the crowd of children, the lack of concrete nouns...enough camp to give Susan Sontag an orgasm.
posted by NickDouglas at 11:07 AM on April 5, 2005

Wow.

I especially liked the moment when he touched the kid on the head in the schoolyard. Anointed with the holy power of America!
posted by Miss Bitchy Pants at 11:07 AM on April 5, 2005

It's official... the terrorists have won.
posted by dannynewbs at 11:10 AM on April 5, 2005

And since December 28, NickDouglas, that's a LOT of camp!
posted by gurple at 11:12 AM on April 5, 2005

I'll never be able to say "America" again without streching my arms out to my sides.
posted by aether1 at 11:12 AM on April 5, 2005

This is why I hate rock and roll.

Alex, by even the most wide-ranging definition, that peice of new-age shite does not qualify as rock and roll

Oh wait, mullets and power ballads are timeless.

I used to have a mullet (and I'm considering regrowing it just to piss people off) and I've enjoyed the occasional power ballad, but there has to be some standards and this dosen't meet them.

But then again, I've never been a fan of the "har-har-har, ain't uncool people lame?" wink-wink humor (aka Camp) that pollutes the net, so whatever.
posted by jonmc at 11:13 AM on April 5, 2005

Yeeeecccchhh!
posted by malaprohibita at 11:15 AM on April 5, 2005

Just wanted to pop in and affirm that the old saw about "Why does ___ hate America?" is not at all tired, but in fact sounds as fresh & provocative as the fine Spring day on which it was first uttered.

As for the video, it was funny.
posted by dhoyt at 11:15 AM on April 5, 2005

Man, that baby came outta nowhere with its perfectly-tombstone-shaped pate.
posted by bardic at 11:25 AM on April 5, 2005

I liked the rainbow.

Classy.
posted by oddman at 11:27 AM on April 5, 2005

Some thoughts:

adampsyche : if this is not a enough of a reason to be banned from the blue I don't know what is. My ears are bleeding and it's your fault.

Secondly, how, I mean how! did the people shooting the video keep the camera steady. Personally, I was laughing so hard I was shaking all over.

I say we pool our funds to match this dude with this group for a cage style singing match.
posted by fluffycreature at 11:30 AM on April 5, 2005

Who are those people? Their home page doesn't contain much beyond linking to the video.

meta name="keywords" content="america, price, support, the american way, usa, made in america, america we stand as one, united we stand, fuckwit, mullet"
posted by 327.ca at 11:30 AM on April 5, 2005

I am a little uncomfortable with the idea of "standing as one" with Zombie Americ-caaaaah!

I have also never felt so tall as I did while watching that video.
posted by Armen Tanzarian at 11:32 AM on April 5, 2005

My favorite part is when the waves come crashing up and they are colored like the flag.
posted by adampsyche at 11:32 AM on April 5, 2005

What's a sone?

http://America West and a Sone.com
posted by goethean at 11:41 AM on April 5, 2005

adampsyche, where and how did you come across this gem of patriotic videawesomeness?
posted by papercake at 11:41 AM on April 5, 2005

327.ca, home.html on that domain has a bit more. Just promo for the video/cd, though. Careful, inspiring mullet-music plays on that link.
posted by gurple at 11:42 AM on April 5, 2005

Where can I get this on CD+G for karaoke night?
posted by mistersix at 11:46 AM on April 5, 2005

You have made the baby Steve Perry cry, all of you.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:47 AM on April 5, 2005

How do you spell NATIONAL ANTHEM?
posted by mike_bling at 11:50 AM on April 5, 2005

I used to have a mullet (and I'm considering regrowing it just to piss people off) and I've enjoyed the occasional power ballad, but there has to be some standards and this dosen't meet them.

Agreed. This is like a power ballad on MTV Unplugged, rebroadcast on VH1.
posted by AlexReynolds at 11:53 AM on April 5, 2005

327.ca, home.html on that domain has a bit more.

America We Stand As One, is a dedication to our brave heroes and all our Loved Ones who have passed away. This new American Rock Anthem fills you full of hope and comforts you with a spiritual message from our Loved Ones, that they're still with us, but in a different way. Have faith and believe and they will always be with us.

Wow.
posted by 327.ca at 11:56 AM on April 5, 2005

Wow, was that the telepath from Babylon 5 in the cemetery? :-)
posted by BrandonAbell at 11:56 AM on April 5, 2005

Thanks for linking to my video. I worked hard on it. I am glad everyone here liked it.

USA! USA! USA! USA!
posted by Quartermass at 11:57 AM on April 5, 2005

American mefi friends, I hope you are indeed stong anough to carry on...
but apart from that, what's tinkerbell doing around that mullet-guy? And what about those failed transporter-attempts, I dont get it...
posted by stFire at 11:57 AM on April 5, 2005

Geez, my spelling is even affected, make that: "strong enough"
posted by stFire at 12:01 PM on April 5, 2005

I really think this is fake.
Samspade says that it's by "Tiger Stunt Productions" but google doesn't turn up anything for them.

But I still think this is fake.
posted by Espoo2 at 12:02 PM on April 5, 2005

What's worse is that you know the guy is supposed to be subtely invoking Jesus.
posted by ontic at 12:08 PM on April 5, 2005

[Insert HumorSnark(tm) here]
posted by Moistener at 12:09 PM on April 5, 2005

I can't wait for sexy mudflap angels to lead me to a wonderful American heaven.
posted by keli at 12:15 PM on April 5, 2005

" I really think this is fake."

I thought so too, for the first minute or so. But it stayed totally sincere and never really got all that funny. It seems totally unaware of itself.
posted by PhatLobley at 12:16 PM on April 5, 2005

I feel embiggened after having the aural and visual pleasure of watching this.

What a brilliant tribute to the best country in the world - nay! The Galaxy!
posted by flippant at 12:18 PM on April 5, 2005

Needs unicorns.
posted by maryh at 12:29 PM on April 5, 2005

Wow, was that the telepath from Babylon 5 in the cemetery?

It looked like Lyta to me. It also looked like most of it was done at Leo Carillo.

Now why do I feel the urge to go out and kill some brown people?
posted by euphorb at 12:30 PM on April 5, 2005

Mudflap Angels would be a great name for a band.
posted by warbaby at 12:32 PM on April 5, 2005

If you go to the home page (warning loud background music at this link)

you will see all donations go to two charities. Never heard of them, but if you go to Receive a CD or DVD at the bottom of the page, you'll find the funds go to:

u.f.a.w.c.f. = Uniform Firefighters Association Widows and Childrens Fund

or

B.H.U.S.O. = Bob Hope Hollywood U.S.O.

Seems real enough which is amazing....
posted by fluffycreature at 12:38 PM on April 5, 2005

Regarding candidates for a new national anthem, I still prefer the theme song to America's Funniest Home Videos over this one.

...You're the red, white and blue
Oh, the funny things you do
America, America, this is you
posted by Hildago at 12:43 PM on April 5, 2005

I think it's sincere, too. It seems to be motivated by the same sort of misplaced narcissistic grief as the Laci Peterson songs.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:46 PM on April 5, 2005

u.f.a.w.c.f. = Uniform Firefighters Association Widows and Childrens Fund

I can't argue with that, but if you want to raise money for these organizations, wouldn't it help to make something people would actually listen to?
posted by jonmc at 12:47 PM on April 5, 2005

This is so gay.
posted by filchyboy at 12:52 PM on April 5, 2005

I was sure this was fake because the guy's hair is obviously a wig. Up until the moment he's on the bluff, wind blowing in his hair, holding his American Flag 'do rag. Oh yeah, that's real hair.
posted by Nelson at 12:53 PM on April 5, 2005

Blarrf!
A wedding band without the love. Propaganda tools!
posted by nj_subgenius at 12:59 PM on April 5, 2005

If it's a fake, then inserting that proud little biographical note about Star Trek trading cards that Baby Balrog linked to above is a stroke of absolute deadpan genius. I think it's too perfect to have been invented, actually.

Also: Dude looks a little bit like bizarro-world Alice Cooper, doncha think?
posted by gompa at 1:07 PM on April 5, 2005

When does the America We Stand As One arena tour start? Heck, I'm not even waiting. I'm going down to my local arena to get in line for tickets.

Although I would rename it, America Stands Strong-We Are Devoted.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 1:12 PM on April 5, 2005

He's definitely singing from his heart AND his soul.

I think he's singing from his mullet.
posted by edverb at 1:18 PM on April 5, 2005

Is it just me, or was that thing supprisingly high-budget looking? Is good video shooting/editing technology that cheap these days? As bad as it was, technically it looked pretty slick.

When he first starts walking up at the beginning I thought it was Wierd Al. Not that I was disapointed..
posted by afx114 at 1:18 PM on April 5, 2005

I think he bears just a little to close a resemblance to a bewigged Eric Idle, myself. Especially with those big, horsey, stained teeth showing.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 1:18 PM on April 5, 2005

Hmm. And here I was thinking it looked like an After-Effects training piece.
posted by bz at 1:24 PM on April 5, 2005

Hmm, and here I was thinking that it looked like an After-Effects training piece.
posted by bz at 1:26 PM on April 5, 2005

(rats, I hate that double post refresh thing)
posted by bz at 1:27 PM on April 5, 2005

afx114 - money can buy high production values, but it can't buy what this thing is missing.
posted by Tubes at 1:31 PM on April 5, 2005

Yeah, I didn't think it looked slick at all.
posted by Espoo2 at 1:31 PM on April 5, 2005

The Goggles!!
The Earmuffs!!
The Ballgag!!

They do NOTHING!
posted by Balisong at 1:36 PM on April 5, 2005

For a minute there I thought it was Weird Al coming out at the beginning of the video.

As bad as that was, I'd still take this guy over Toby Keith's 'boot in your ass' crap any day.


You know, there was a time when I seriously like singing 'Proud to be an American', but then I got to middle school.
posted by daHIFI at 1:37 PM on April 5, 2005

Although I would rename it, America Stands Strong-We Are Devoted.

That'll never fit on the T-Shirts. We'll have to abbreviate.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:50 PM on April 5, 2005

"Here, however, we are experiencing the consequences of the doctrine, lately preached from all the rooftops, that the state is the highest goal of mankind and that a man has no higher duty than to serve the state: in which doctrine I recognize a relapse not into paganism but into stupidity. It may be that a man who sees his highest duty in serving the state really knows no higher duties; but there are men and duties existing beyond this--and one of the duties that seems, at least to me, to be higher than serving the state demands that one destroy stupidity in every form, and therefore in this form too." - Uncle Fritz
posted by joe lisboa at 1:58 PM on April 5, 2005

Also: the "... you must carry on ..." bit sounds exactly like mid-era Qüeensrÿche - but now I know I've said too much.
posted by joe lisboa at 1:59 PM on April 5, 2005

Hmm, and here I was thinking that it looked like an After-Effects training piece.

Not that is was amazing or anything, but to me, "low-budget" is like... Waynes World public access... or a local-church produced video of last Sunday's sermon. To me, it looked a hell of a lot more high-budge than that.
posted by afx114 at 2:09 PM on April 5, 2005

It reminded me of the ghosts that came out of the Ark of the Covenant at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark so I was scared. If only I'd followed Indiana Jones' advice and kept my eyes closed.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:33 PM on April 5, 2005

Watching this is like getting strapped into a torture chair & being forced to viddy motivational posters while Thomas Kinkade squirts saline drops into your clamped-open eyes.

How can I not love it?
posted by maryh at 2:36 PM on April 5, 2005

Just imagine what Fox would do if this were something from Al Jazeera about Saudi Arabia and Wahabism. I only hate it a little more than I hate "Mornin' in America" from RR's last campaign, but the graphics reminded me of Raiders of the Lost Arc, too.

Does this gentleman have other songs out? I just want to know if it's safe to turn on the radio.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 2:41 PM on April 5, 2005

Gah! Turn off your heartlight! Turn off your heartlight!
posted by melissa may at 2:44 PM on April 5, 2005

When the camera panned around the grave and revealed the stalwart woman's baby...

Wow. Poignant.
posted by painquale at 2:47 PM on April 5, 2005

melissa may owes me a new keyboard.
posted by joe lisboa at 2:56 PM on April 5, 2005

This can't be real.

It just can't.
posted by Ynoxas at 3:27 PM on April 5, 2005

It looks like it's not a joke, but think about what it took to make this video. The cast, the singer, the song producer, the cameraman, lighting, an editor, an after-effects guy, the web designer... a lot of people were involved! And not one of them said "This has got to be the worst piece of shit ever made?"

Of course, I ask myself the same thing everytime a new Ben Stiller movie comes out.
posted by fungible at 3:30 PM on April 5, 2005

fungible: this movie was made by people who do not hate America. A faith-based film crew, if you will.
posted by Nelson at 3:32 PM on April 5, 2005

Ten bucks says this guy gets a platinum album before Kyle does.
posted by crunchland at 3:35 PM on April 5, 2005

Holy friggin fucking fuck.
Real or not, this is every thing that's wrong about America. I laughed, then I cried. Just like in real life.
posted by mr.marx at 4:25 PM on April 5, 2005

HILARIOUS!!

on a different note:

IT IS OFFICIAL

No more jokes about bad German and/or French pop music!!!
posted by threehundredandsixty at 4:50 PM on April 5, 2005

I got a serious Creed vibe off that.

*sigh* I can't rip into him too bad, anyone having anything to do with making ST:TNG is pretty much exempt in my book, mostly because the hypocrisy of being a fan and trying to make fun of Trek-related nerds is just too much for me to bear.
posted by blendor at 4:55 PM on April 5, 2005

I'm not a fan of TNG, so.. HAHAHA. Neeeeeerd!
posted by graventy at 5:13 PM on April 5, 2005

while (1) {
  terror_alert_level++;
}
posted by NewBornHippy at 5:14 PM on April 5, 2005

Metafilter: misplaced narcissistic grief

BTW, melissa may wins!
posted by kimota at 5:49 PM on April 5, 2005

melissa may for pope
posted by grrarrgh00 at 5:58 PM on April 5, 2005

In the begining of the video, when that angel thing poped up in the sky, I thought that was a nuke going off.

But no...it turned out much worse.
posted by c13 at 6:18 PM on April 5, 2005

I thought so too, for the first minute or so. But it stayed totally sincere and never really got all that funny. It seems totally unaware of itself.

I think PhatLobley has hit the nail on the head with this comment. What is most terrifying about this video isn't the bad music or cheesy use of cliche - it is the unexamined use of these things - the failure to see that they are cliches. The producer of this video is undoubtably well-meaning, but quite blind. The sort of person capable of doing some major damage in the name of G-d.
posted by sirvesa at 6:35 PM on April 5, 2005

/wasted bandwidth
posted by LouReedsSon at 6:48 PM on April 5, 2005

fungible: think about what it took to make this video
Produced by this company (see portfolio).
posted by tellurian at 6:48 PM on April 5, 2005

It's Bob Saget! America's Funniest Home Videos is back!!!
posted by Tlahtolli at 6:51 PM on April 5, 2005

That's at: Services - View Portfolio - [6] under A
posted by tellurian at 7:01 PM on April 5, 2005

Thank you, that was hilarious. I think nationalism ranks up there with heroin and cocaine as substances that can seriously hamper your judgement.
posted by Idiot Mittens at 7:27 PM on April 5, 2005

Oh! my bad, looks like they just did the website... carry on.
posted by tellurian at 7:30 PM on April 5, 2005

I love the part where they cut to a silhouette of his face and emphasize the fact that he's singing a patriotic, passionate two-syllabled "We stand as WAH-hahn!" rather than just "We stand as one."
posted by blucevalo at 7:39 PM on April 5, 2005

It's Bob Saget! America's Funniest Home Videos is back!!!

DON'T BE FOOLED EVERYONE HE IS A KLINGON SPY AND HE WAS BOB SAGET TOO.
posted by saysthis at 8:09 PM on April 5, 2005

music video directed by Rob Bowman
posted by lazymonster at 8:23 PM on April 5, 2005

What's with the teeth? Can I buy a set?
posted by PuppyCat at 8:28 PM on April 5, 2005

lazymonster : " music video directed by Rob Bowman"

I have less of a desire to see Elektra than ever.
posted by painquale at 8:45 PM on April 5, 2005

Who the hell is that guy, anyway?
posted by zardoz at 9:23 PM on April 5, 2005

It must have seemed like a good idea at the time.
posted by kickingtheground at 10:31 PM on April 5, 2005

well, for what it's worth: imdb thinks he's a real guy.
posted by sergeant sandwich at 1:56 AM on April 6, 2005

Surely this must be a fake.

Why else would the progress bar on the home page FlashSplash look like..... a French Flag? Eh? EH?
posted by LondonYank at 3:56 AM on April 6, 2005

I can't believe I read the whole thread.

Cheesy commercial patriotic wankery.
posted by Goofyy at 5:55 AM on April 6, 2005

At the beginning, I thought it was gonna be about The Rapture.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 1:23 PM on April 6, 2005

I can't believe I watched the whole movie.
posted by arkine at 4:07 PM on April 6, 2005

Seriously, melissa may, I am now making it my life's work to use that in casual conversation so people think I'm funny.
posted by jennyb at 4:54 PM on April 6, 2005

Oooooh... Utility Rioter #3
posted by Caviar at 9:18 PM on April 9, 2005

That face he makes near the beginning when he rhymes "wiped a tear" with "breathe the air," it seems like he's in on the joke.

The rag on the knee, the size of the moon, the blessed touch on the kid's head, the sexy angel/ghost, the double-syllable ai-urrr in silhouette... so many little things seem to prove that this is a parody.

But who on earth would have the balls to make that kind of parody and actually give the money to a firefighters' widows' fund?

One of my favorite things on the internet is trying to figure out whether or not people are pulling my leg.
posted by damehex at 10:14 PM on April 9, 2005

But who on earth would have the balls to make that kind of parody and actually give the money to a firefighters' widows' fund?

But doesn't that deflect any of the criticism from the Faux News crowd?

One of my favorite things on the internet is trying to figure out whether or not people are pulling my leg.

Me too. I call parody.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:30 PM on April 11, 2005

The actor, Dennis whatever he's called (also known as "Dangerous" Dennis whatever), was also on the short-lived CC show "That's My Bush." Another vote for parody (even though I probably only get one.)
posted by mrgrimm at 12:33 PM on April 11, 2005

Patriotism has now officially jumped the shark.
posted by Herr Fahrstuhl at 2:25 PM on April 11, 2005

Oh. My. God.

This is fake, right?

...right?
posted by Amanda B at 12:21 AM on April 12, 2005

This seems like a classic television hoax, on the level of Andy Kaufman and the like. It's ridiculous enough that it seems like a joke on one side, and awkwardly sincere enough that it could be real on the other side.

Nice work... it almost had me fooled.
posted by Down10 at 12:38 AM on April 12, 2005

ooh...deciding is just so hard...but very fun - thanks for the thread...just for the record i thought it was real...american nationalism is really played on by the english media...

however having read some more cynical posts...maybe my view of americans as wholely obsessed nationalists is misplaced... it just HAS to be a parody!
posted by Flamingoroad at 5:49 PM on April 14, 2005