Get you drunk up off my lumps

December 8, 2005 10:51 AM

My humps. My humps. My Lovely Lady Lumps. A song described as being "the very subversion of pop music, a depraved attempt to destroy our common cultural heritage" _{(that's a bad thing)} and Slate calls "proof that a song can be so bad as to veer toward evil." Interestingly, it's a song that was not indented to be released as a single, but became popular without any promotion. That same slate review states: "For now, 'My Humps' has become the standard-bearer for the direct-democracy cultural possibilities of the Internet." Horrible pop music, or the hip-hop version of Carl Andre's Equivalent VIII? Either way, it's inspired some hilarious videos
posted by delmoi (116 comments total)

that google video search made my day. better than star-wars-kid.
posted by verb at 10:55 AM on December 8, 2005

I like Black Eyed Peas. That song is shit.
posted by Plutor at 10:58 AM on December 8, 2005

I consider myself "with it" and "hep" as the kids nowadays say, but that song is so goddam stupid it's literally embarrassing to hear it.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:07 AM on December 8, 2005

Just awful, the prudishness of it just makes me cringe - it just doesn't fit with the hip-pop image. Gnnnnnnghhh.
posted by Navek Rednam at 11:08 AM on December 8, 2005

Okay. I've explained this elsewhere, but I'll repeat it here.

"My Humps" is born from the same mold as 1988's "The Cars With The Boom" by L'Trimm.* At the time, that particular candy pop rhyme sung by two 18-year-olds (named Bunny and Tigre, actually) served to further push hip-hop into the mainstream. Sure, it was cavity-inducing music, but if it influenced some suburban kid to pick up the new EPMD album or (hey, it could happen) "It Takes A Nation Of Millions" then all the better. In other words, it was bad pop for a good purpose.

With that in mind, "My Humps" serves no purpose what-so-ever. You could call it retro, but only in the same way that someone might pick up a twenty-year-old toaster oven from a yard sale. It's old, it's not cool and it just doesn't work anymore.

* - We like the cars, the cars that go boom
We`re Tigre and Bunny and we like the boom
We like the cars, the cars that go boom
We`re Tigre and Bunny and we like the boom

We like them short, and we like them tall
We like them one, and we like them all
posted by grabbingsand at 11:11 AM on December 8, 2005

You made an FPP. Heh.
posted by jokeefe at 11:12 AM on December 8, 2005

So.....

When anyone finds out if any of those videos has nudity, do me a favor and let me know. I don't have the time to wade through them all.
posted by sourwookie at 11:17 AM on December 8, 2005

Is it a worse assault on pop music than "Hot in Herre"? The aggressively witless, nonrhyming catch line, "It's getting hot in herre/So take of all your clothes (It is getting so hot/I'm gonna take my clothes off)" is tough to beat.
posted by ibmcginty at 11:18 AM on December 8, 2005

"My lovely lady lumps." eeeeeeeeeewwww. Sweet jebus, what a fucking wretched song.

hey you kids! Get off my lawn! /inevitable
posted by scody at 11:19 AM on December 8, 2005

I remember the first time I heard this song on the radio. Mid-summer, driving home from Six Flags. We had the radio on pretty low, just as background noise. During a pause in conversation, I thought I heard someone say, "my hump, my hump, my hump." I turned the radio way up and everyone listened in stunned silence for the next two minutes.

I still haven't recovered.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:19 AM on December 8, 2005

This song (and the Black Eyed Peas in general) is the single most compelling reason I have ever been offered for joining Al Queda.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:19 AM on December 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

"Lady lumps" makes me think of breast cancer. And I can't dance to breast cancer.
posted by ColdChef at 11:21 AM on December 8, 2005

My feeling is that if you look at the song as a piece of post-modern art, a statement about the nature of hip-hop it's hilarious. The actual music however, is pretty bad and sonically it's a real departure from the BEP's normal sound, so I think the song was done in the sort of as a joke. But who knows. I just think it's funny that people (CMG and the slate guy) are taking it so seriously.
posted by delmoi at 11:23 AM on December 8, 2005

Oh hell yes, ibmcginty, it's far worse. Chorus aside, "Hot In Herre" has a great hook, and Nelly seems to have at least put some effort into writing the verses. "My Humps," by contrast, is some of the laziest songwriting I've ever heard, both lyrically and musically. BEP aren't exactly the wittiest bunch ("Let's Get Retarded"? Really?), but this is a new low. If it is indeed a joke, as Delmoi suggests, BEP are laughing at their bank statements as we speak.
posted by schoolgirl report at 11:26 AM on December 8, 2005

i think it's a great song ... if you speed it up like the chipmunks and have some goofy kid dance to it ...
posted by pyramid termite at 11:27 AM on December 8, 2005

Thanks, grabbingsand. I always wondered what it meant when they said, "I like the girls with the boom."

(I once got busy in a Burger King Bathroom...).
posted by MrZero at 11:29 AM on December 8, 2005

I'm also resentful because the other night in the bar I tried out the line "Excuse me miss, but I really admire your lady lumps" and it didn't work out as well as I had hoped.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:29 AM on December 8, 2005

I honestly couldn't beleive it when I heard about this song, so when I finally did get around to listening to it I was awestruck. This is little more then peddling smut, and it's been the growing trend. That's probably why I never listen to the radio.

What I really want to do is create an ultimate mashup where there are no lyrics aside from stock loops of these pathetic euphamisms. Lumps, humps, milkshakes, laffy taffy... oh, god, make it stop!
posted by prostyle at 11:30 AM on December 8, 2005

My Milkshake, My Humps, My Sharona, Oh Mickey, I Know What Boys Like, Baby Got Back, She had dumps like a truck, You Can Do It (put your ass into it!), when you get that notion, put your backfield in motion...
posted by shoepal at 11:31 AM on December 8, 2005

Humps is the new Barbie Girl. Both songs are maddeningly repulsive and stick in your head.
posted by fleetmouse at 11:33 AM on December 8, 2005

Man, you guys are so SLOW. All the good jokes were made on ILM a month ago, and it's even been on the Music Abominations blog...
posted by klangklangston at 11:35 AM on December 8, 2005

All I know is this finally gives me the opportunity to post in the blue the sum total of my knowledge of The Black Eyed Peas.

You're welcome.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:36 AM on December 8, 2005

This is little more then peddling smut, and it's been the growing trend. That's probably why I never listen to the radio.

You sound old. The reason this song sucks isn't that it's 'peddling smut' but because it's so damn literal and dumb. Have you listened to any pop? The Cars? 'I just hope that it was deeep..yeah' OK so that could have some double meanings and you can have fun thinking about the many facets of being human. My humps on the other hand is just annoyingly stupid. But watch the videos and tell me that those kids are being serious. Black Eyed Peas - EVERYONE IS LAUGHING AT YOU. (although they're still giving you money, argh)
posted by mike_bling at 11:39 AM on December 8, 2005

- Look, Frankie Goes To me arse were shite, righ'?
They nodded.
- But Jaysis, at least they called a blow job a blow job an' look at all the units they shifted?
- The wha'?
- Records.
posted by funambulist at 11:42 AM on December 8, 2005

I like it, really.
posted by oddman at 11:42 AM on December 8, 2005

What strikes me is how everyone on the internet now wants to be the Numa Numa guy. Which defeats the purpose: If you want to be like him, you can't be him.
posted by fungible at 11:42 AM on December 8, 2005

Found any nudity yet?
posted by sourwookie at 11:50 AM on December 8, 2005

The poor Black Eyed Peas. They'll cry about these terrible reviews of their song all the way to the bank, where they'll wipe their eyes with fresh Benjamins.
posted by mullingitover at 11:51 AM on December 8, 2005

Humps is the new Barbie Girl. Both songs are maddeningly repulsive and stick in your head.

Oh no, now, the second time on this board, I feel compelled to defend Barbie Girl. You can't really compare it to this.

Humps is more like the Crazy Frog.
posted by funambulist at 11:54 AM on December 8, 2005

Ahhh, the Black Eyed Peas - what the fuck happened? Didn't the dudes used to be a part of the Tribal Nation breaking crew? The same dudes who were on Eazy-E's record label like 10 years ago as Atban Klann?

This is the shit they're doing now? Best Buy ads, ripping off Dick Dale and Pulp Fiction, and now this concaphony of crap? Amazing what a fresh white girl and a willingness to whore out your art can do for your bottom line...
posted by SweetJesus at 11:55 AM on December 8, 2005

Also, whose bright idea was it to let Christopher Hitchens write articles about hip hop? Doesn't he have anything better to do? I'm sure my dad would also write a stinging indictment of this song.
posted by mullingitover at 11:55 AM on December 8, 2005

Well, I suppose There are some different levels of 'seriousness'

1: total earnestness
2: general goofyness, without self-awareness
3: meta-ironic post-modern self-aware humor.

I appreciate the song on stage three, others might enjoy it at stage one. Who knows what stage the actual peas are at? Well, I think they must be at least at stage two. Or who knows, maybe I'm reading too much into it :P
posted by delmoi at 11:57 AM on December 8, 2005

Also, whose bright idea was it to let Christopher Hitchens write articles about hip hop? Doesn't he have anything better to do? I'm sure my dad would also write a stinging indictment of this song.

Actualy the author was someone named Hua Hsu.
posted by delmoi at 11:59 AM on December 8, 2005

This is the shit they're doing now? Best Buy ads, ripping off Dick Dale and Pulp Fiction, and now this concaphony of crap? Amazing what a fresh white girl and a willingness to whore out your art can do for your bottom line...

Well, maybe they're just trying to cash in before they retire?
posted by delmoi at 12:00 PM on December 8, 2005

Humps is more like the Crazy Frog.

It's no My Milkshake, that's for damn sure.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:01 PM on December 8, 2005

I always took that song for a joke. Designed to destroy our common cultural heritage? Give me a break. I just figured that the Black Eyed Peas wanted to show the rest of the hip-hop world how utterly vapid most of its "music" is, while at the same time making a funny song. They thought, look we can talk about Gucci and sex too. Compare My Humps with half the other shit out there... its not much better. The only reason this song gets attention is because its the Black Eyed Peas, which is an arguably talented group.
posted by gagglezoomer at 12:01 PM on December 8, 2005

small correction: Also, whose bright idea was it to let Christopher Hitchens write articles about hip hop?
posted by scody at 12:07 PM on December 8, 2005

the hip-hop world how utterly vapid most of its "music" is

Absolutely. I, like the fans aparently, consider this song to be the unrestrained, condensed essence of Hip-Hop (What a name for a music Genre!). It suck, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks (repeat, ad nauseum.)
posted by IronLizard at 12:11 PM on December 8, 2005

I just figured that the Black Eyed Peas wanted to show the rest of the hip-hop world how utterly vapid most of its "music" is, while at the same time making a funny song.

They dont exist in the hip-hop world. Heads in the hip-hop world have no respect for these dorks. It's as if they never learned from the mistakes of Cicso.

This shit is "Thong Song" '05....
posted by SweetJesus at 12:18 PM on December 8, 2005

Well, there is a certain genius to "lovely lady lumps," is there not?
posted by washburn at 12:25 PM on December 8, 2005

So this is what happens when DJs and the general public choose music to play on the radio instead of the music industry machine? Can we have the music industry machine back?
posted by Go, now. Go! at 12:25 PM on December 8, 2005

This post (oh! this post!) along with some videos made by acquaintences of mine (oh! cute college girls dancing, yes!) is all the evidence I need that homemade music videos are all we ever need anymore. Fuck MTV! (but thanks for the idea!)

Now, get to work everyone. The entire Notorious B.I.G. catalogue can be done by next week; I believe we can do it together.
posted by carsonb at 12:27 PM on December 8, 2005

EW had a good article on them once:

'At one point I thought, 'Career or local-MC respect: Which one do I want?'' says the group's founder, producer, and de facto leader, will.i.am (a.k.a. Will Adams). 'I could always go back and get respect. My thing was career, dude. Career. Career. Career.'
...
When a strong single from their second album — 'Request Line' featuring Macy Gray — failed to break through, the band began to rethink its approach. 'After those first two records, I was thinking, We sold out the House of Blues, we have a cool fan base, but how do we get...' — Will holds his hand high above his head for emphasis — 'there?'

posted by smackfu at 12:28 PM on December 8, 2005

They play this song at my gym everytime I go in there along with all kinds of other horrible music, which is the main reason I finally bought an MP3 player. At first it was a toss up for most horrible song ever between 'Lumps' and some other track that had what sounded like Usher singing to his girl that they could cuddle if she didn't want to make love while Lil John shouted 'Yes SIR!' after every line. Lumps has since taken the lead.

I had no idea it was BEP until after I had heard the damn thing 20 billion times. I remember thier 1st album and thought it was pretty good, but I have lost all respect for them for some time now.

SNL nailed it on the head pretty good with BEP doing a Burger King commercial and an annoucer saying that you 'rent' the BEP for whatever you wanted: $30K will get you either the cool black guy or the sexy latino chick. Act now and we'll throw in crazy asian guy for FREE!!

But yes this is the worst song EVAR, and has been stuck in my head since I watched that first Google vid 30 minutes ago.

Damn you Black Eyed Peas. DAMN you.
posted by daHIFI at 12:30 PM on December 8, 2005

It's as if they never learned from the mistakes of Cicso

Surely you don't mean that they think that Cisco actually is a wine cooler!?!?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:34 PM on December 8, 2005

I thought "Hot In Here" was sort of brilliant inasmuch as people are always saying that (at least, you know, when it is hot wherever you are), and then - bing! - that song comes into your head. Not just that, but the rejoiner is "I wanna take my clothes off". And then everyone laughs, and then there's a moment of awkwardness.

Or is that just me?
posted by stinkycheese at 12:36 PM on December 8, 2005

Well, there is a certain genius to "lovely lady lumps," is there not?
posted by washburn at 12:25 PM PST on December 8 [!]

There really a certain genious to it. What is wrong with being a little silly? Where is it written that people who have the ability to create great music have to every time they record? True it is overplayed but it really is catchy, and there isn't anything wrong with that. Don't hate the song, hate the basturds who play it on the radio over and over again.
posted by hexxed at 12:39 PM on December 8, 2005

No, thanks, I'll hate the song, because it's a piece of shit.

BEP was a fantastic group, but they went so sour it still hurts my heart. I have no idea what happened, but it's a damn shame.
posted by agregoli at 12:41 PM on December 8, 2005

delmoi writes 'Actualy the author was someone named Hua Hsu.'

My bad, thanks for point that out dios.
posted by mullingitover at 12:42 PM on December 8, 2005

Absolutely. I, like the fans aparently, consider this song to be the unrestrained, condensed essence of Hip-Hop (What a name for a music Genre!). It suck, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks (repeat, ad nauseum.)

This again?

You may be surprised to hear this, but I question your ability to identify "the unrestrained, condensed essence of Hip-Hop." Not just you Ironlizard, but rather anyone who feels the need to shit on the genre every time some stupid MTV club jam comes on the radio.

The essence of hip-hop is a beautiful and serious and musical thing. Just like the essence of rock, the essence of jazz, the essence of qwaali, the essence of bluegrass, and the essence of chamber music. Like most music, there's a lot of crap out there. Your inability to distinguish the good from the bad, or your lack of exposure due to lack of interest in the good, does not render the genre a vapid cesspool.

For more on this topic, see edverb's comment in this thread.
posted by kosem at 12:43 PM on December 8, 2005

klangklangston OTM.
posted by mikeh at 12:44 PM on December 8, 2005

Also, I hate hate hate this song.
This early Peas album had a certain bohemian thing going on and if a touch overeager, is still a decent spin. This new BEP incarnation is just a bunch of garbage.

And what ColdChef said.
posted by kosem at 12:48 PM on December 8, 2005

This is why I never listen to the radio. I'm thankful I've never heard that song and I'd like to keep it that way.

(written while listening to a 15 minute jam by Fela)
posted by mike3k at 12:54 PM on December 8, 2005

Anyone over 19 who still listens to pop music is a retard.
posted by HTuttle at 1:05 PM on December 8, 2005

Mmhmm
That's right
Uh huh
Oh no
Fix yourself girl
You got a cameltoe
posted by sellout at 1:06 PM on December 8, 2005

Anyone over 19 who still listens to pop music is a retard.

I'M STRONG. LIKE THE HULK.

MY SHOES HURT.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:08 PM on December 8, 2005

That Toxic song by Brittney was a pretty good pop song, and I'm way older than 19.
posted by afx114 at 1:12 PM on December 8, 2005

I can't stop giggling at 'Usher singing to his girl that they could cuddle if she didn't want to make love while Lil John shouted 'Yes SIR!' after every line.'

Thanks, daHIFI!
posted by Space Kitty at 1:17 PM on December 8, 2005

Word, Toxic is amazing, and I am fully a retard, I even warm hearts while working at McDonalds in the afternoon, all drooling in your Chicken Selects which you accept from my overlarge hands with a sickly smile, only to throw them away as soon as you go outside and head down the road to a Wendy's.

But at least I don't have to listen to fucking chamber music in an itchy turtleneck and claw for something to be better than everyone else about.

There is good music and bad music, not good and bad genres of music, why is this still such a hobby horse for people?
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:29 PM on December 8, 2005

I mean, I really do think there's a certain small genius to the phrase "lovely lady lumps." Such a pithy, witty little incongruity; the reasons it's funny are not dumb reasons.

A step further: is it just coincidence that most of the google videos on this are pre- or early teenage girls? That is, people with a keen sense of the pressure to be a "lovely lady" that coincides with the development of these "lumps"? I mean, there is something weird and funny about that disjunction, as "lovely lady lumps" points out.

(Otoh, as a lumpless fellow, I'm just guessing here...)
posted by washburn at 1:35 PM on December 8, 2005

First off, stop saying Hip Hop.

Second, the Laffy Taffy song is WAY worse.
posted by iamck at 1:41 PM on December 8, 2005

as a lumpless fellow

Is your first name Ken?
posted by InfidelZombie at 1:41 PM on December 8, 2005

It's fun to get drunk and dance to. I would never listen to it as serious art or something, but not everything has to be taken so damn seriously.
posted by raedyn at 1:48 PM on December 8, 2005

Stage 3 here. I do find this silliness much more enjoyable than what passes for the cream of modern hip-hop. Give me filler-for-an-album-that-turns-into-unexpected-gold anytime
posted by rootz at 1:49 PM on December 8, 2005

I'm hypnotized by this song. It shoots past stupidity into just being this bizarre, surreal object. Even the video is all very peculiar.

Also: the line, "whaddya gonna do with all that breast,, in that shirt?"
posted by Sticherbeast at 1:54 PM on December 8, 2005

I think it's awesome, but then again, I thought "Hit Me Baby, One More Time" was awesome.

*puts on wifebeater, cracks another beer*
posted by graventy at 2:02 PM on December 8, 2005

The announcer on Letterman performed some of this song early in the show the other night. It was very disturbing and probably caused some bizarre nightmares among "Late Night" viewers who fell asleep shortly afterward.
posted by Wylie Kyoto at 2:06 PM on December 8, 2005

Is your first name Ken?

Ken had a healthy lump, actually.
posted by washburn at 2:07 PM on December 8, 2005

My shoes hurt too, PinkStainlessTail. My shoes hurt, too.

*gets choked up; awaits Brave Person award*
posted by scody at 2:19 PM on December 8, 2005

Wait a minute, washburn. I don't remember Ken having etched-on tightie-whities (tightie-fleshies?) I'm sure he was just smooth & denatured down there. Is that doll from John Ashcroft's private stash?
posted by maryh at 2:45 PM on December 8, 2005

Second, the Laffy Taffy song is WAY worse.

YES! Finally someone said it. That song is so much worse lyrically AND musically. And I can think of plenty of others. The lyrics to "Throw It Up" by Li'l Jon pretty much only consist of the words "motherf**ker," "bitch," and "throw it up" in various combinations.

"My Humps" is a bad song but it is hardly exceptional in its crappiness.
posted by TunnelArmr at 2:48 PM on December 8, 2005

"Hit Me Baby" was awesome, graventy. As is pretty much anything penned by the almighty hand of Max Martin.
posted by schoolgirl report at 2:51 PM on December 8, 2005

I think it's awesome, but then again, I thought "Hit Me Baby, One More Time" was awesome.

Apples and oranges! pears and kiwis! bananas and monkeys!

Erm, I mean, just because something is fun and catchy and danceable, doesn't mean there are no standards.
posted by funambulist at 2:55 PM on December 8, 2005

as a dj who has opened up for the BEP's like 8 years ago as well as other groups such as gangstar, dj qbert, jeru, de la soul, and a tribe called quest, and a bunch of other people, I can say that this song is actually good.

If you don't like it then that's fine but it actually is an innovative song reminicent of old freestyle, LA electro, and Miami Bass. Since these forms of music have pretty much died out its good to hear another group rehashing some of that same sound. Another one of their songs lifted a hook from an old Evette (i think) record from the same genre.

I would have no problem playing this record in the same set as MC Shy D, Cookie Crew, 2 Live Crew, Arabian Prince,
The X-Men (not the battle djs), or Egyptian Lover.
posted by LouieLoco at 3:02 PM on December 8, 2005

This song makes my head hurt in a really awful way. There is a remix that's been playing on the radio that is even worse (they turned it into a slow song). This IS the "My Milkshake" for 2005.

As a sort of aside: Why was "Don't Funk With My Heart" (another shitty song) released as "Don't Mess With My Heart" for the US radio market (I'm assuming this based solely on the one US radio station that I get up here)?

Another irritating song that has been getting a lot of play lately is "The Whistle Song" by Juelz Santana. I would say that it trumps "My Humps" in the crud department.
posted by fizz-ed at 3:10 PM on December 8, 2005

Word with verb. That first Google video was BRILLANT. It not only redeemed the mediocrity of the song, but transcended it into art.

The second, however, like the song itself, made me think of 80's era roller discos which also had a video arcade. Or a present-day open-mike act at ye local watering hole. But LouieLoco's certainly got a point, in that the song's a studied riff on (others') previous successes.
posted by Smart Dalek at 3:37 PM on December 8, 2005

The sheer beauty of driving through the chavviest part of town, "My Hump" blaring at full blast from the car stereo as a bunch of rocker chicks/goths sing along at the top of their lungs...

I'm sorry, everyone, the song is a particular exquisite level of genius.
posted by Katemonkey at 3:49 PM on December 8, 2005

If you think "My Humps" is bad, you should see what comes up when you plug it into Pandora.
posted by darukaru at 3:59 PM on December 8, 2005

" klangklangston OTM."

HA!

"I, like the fans aparently, consider this song to be the unrestrained, condensed essence of Hip-Hop (What a name for a music Genre!). It suck, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks (repeat, ad nauseum.)"

OH NOES TEH NEGROES ARE RESTLESS! WE MUST STOP THEY MUSIC WITH WELK AND COMO!
posted by klangklangston at 4:20 PM on December 8, 2005

darukaru, that was fun actually, had to skip the first three, then I got Echo In Space Dub by the Meat Beat Manifesto, which is not bad at all to my ears.

Then again whenever I started with something I liked in Pandora it always gave me something I hated. I guess it just works like that?
posted by funambulist at 4:26 PM on December 8, 2005

The smut is just a given these days - which is bad too. Maybe the point of this being bad is not that it's bad, but good at being bad, which many react to as good, which is a double whammy of bad, which should be taken seriously like cokemachineglow and slate did.
posted by parallax7d at 4:51 PM on December 8, 2005

I thought "Hit Me Baby, One More Time" was awesome.

It was, when performed by Zappa's kids.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:51 PM on December 8, 2005

posted by pekar wood at 4:52 PM on December 8, 2005

I had this awful song stuck in my head for a while. The antidote? That would be "My Baby Daddy" by B-Rock & The Bizz.(streaming .wmv) Somehow I missed this song the first time around and only recently heard it for the first time. In any case, it made "My Humps" go away for me.
posted by well_balanced at 4:57 PM on December 8, 2005

If you don't think that this song is absolutely genius and totally brilliant you're probably missing the point.

That hideous thing is a mega-earworm. It's got more stick than a whole can of 3M Formula 77.

On one hand, a bunch of people are taking it seriously. At the same time, it's ironic, saracastic and even meta-ironic and meta-sarcastic. And they're laughing at all the people who take it seriously - both the people who hate it and the people who love it without realizing that it's making fun of them.

It's absolutely terrible. But catchy. Thus, it makes good pop, even if it's pop with both a hidden message and not so hidden message.

I hate MTV. Loath it. All it plays these days is incredibly painful reality TV - and then when it plays music it's the worst crap on the face of the earth.

But then, y'know, flipping the channels I pass through MTVs block of channels. And the video for this song is on. Yeah, yeah, bad mainstream wannabe hip-pop/hop. "Wait a goddamn second! Did she just say 'lady lumps'? LUMPS? What the hell is this?" *Gets trapped watching. Jaw hits the floor. "They can't be serious. Those lyrics! It's like... getting seriously sexually turned on by the twisted wreckage of a four car pileup! I... I feel dirty! And sassy! And dirty and ashamed and... God that's hypnotic. I can't stop watching!"

I'm not a fan of The Black Eyed Peas, but their science is tight. They know what's up. You can't be that weird and that uncool and yet so cool and so plausible all at once without knowing what's up. I have to give them props for that.

Now, if I could just scrub my brain clean and get it out of my head. It's been echoing "my lumps... my lovely lady lumps..." all day long, and I just wish it would stop.
posted by loquacious at 5:13 PM on December 8, 2005

As far as the names of their singles and lyrics go, first there was Let's Get Retarded which was released for airplay as Let's Get It Started and now My Humps. What will they think of next?

While the former is ostensibly about getting your groove on, the latter is just sad, because the reality is that the people described in the lyrics do exist--then again, this is just another in a long line of silly, catchy pop songs like Baby Got Back and Thong Song that stick in your brain until the next silly, catchy pop comes along.

I'm just waiting for it to hit the airwaves...
posted by phoenixc at 5:27 PM on December 8, 2005

It's stupid, catchy and well-produced.

Isn't that pretty much the definitation of pop-music?

For all of the people who are hearing this enough to get annoyed by it-- how is that happening to you? There's the Internet, there's the ipod, there's cable TV and satellite radio, there's NPR. Change the channel and stop watching MTV.

I've never even heard of this song before I read this thread, and I'm glad I heard it. It's a harmless bit of fun.
posted by empath at 5:40 PM on December 8, 2005

I didn't know until recently that the Black Eyed Peas were not a satire band.

I thought the same thing, heh.

At the same time, it's ironic, saracastic and even meta-ironic and meta-sarcastic.

Riiiiight. You're giving them way too much credit.
posted by zarah at 5:48 PM on December 8, 2005

That hideous thing is a mega-earworm.

Simple fix for that. Get an mp3 of Fuck Tha Police and edit out anything that isn't profanity.

Earworm dies hard in the face of that.
posted by eriko at 6:02 PM on December 8, 2005

Where can I learn more about indented songs?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:33 PM on December 8, 2005

Simple fix for that. Get an mp3 of Fuck Tha Police and edit out anything that isn't profanity.

That would be a decent cure, but I enjoy catting weird things to /dev/audio.
posted by loquacious at 6:39 PM on December 8, 2005

I won't claim to be familar with what is being played on the top 40 stations right now, but "The Thong Song" is the only one from recent years that I can think of that I find as horrific as this one.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 8:00 PM on December 8, 2005

Baby Got Back is a brilliant song. "Well, use me, use me, 'Cause you ain't that average groupy; I've seen them dancin' , The hell with romancin'; She's sweat, wet, Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette..."

Real lyricism there.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:43 PM on December 8, 2005

"At the same time, it's ironic, saracastic and even meta-ironic and meta-sarcastic."

'I can justify it to myself if I just twist my head enough!'
The defense of it is as rote as the condemnation...
posted by klangklangston at 9:45 PM on December 8, 2005

One lonely evening alone home,
end up with carpel tunnel syndrome.
Here I am: known for giving heavy back aches.
Grown and living off of little debbie snack cakes.
Supposed to be checkin emails,
all i got is messages from ass-naked females.
posted by kosem at 10:24 PM on December 8, 2005

I think it's a classic in its own special way. That said, I am glad I'm in a position where don't hear it regularly.

Surprised that others mentioned "The cars that go boom"... I wrote some alternate lyrics for the song a few months back.

"So many terrorists, where can we start?
we like them desperate and not very smart.
I like the ones with the crazy eyes,
Lovin' Allah, but not very wise.
Stop. What happened, how about the ones we especially like?
Which ones?
You know the ones with the cars that go..
I hear you..
Hit it!

It was me and the posse with Zarqawi
We were cruising in a beaten up taxi,
When low and behold there appeared a mirage,
He was making IEDs in his daddy's garage.
We stopped short, did a double take,
He was looking so deranged, I thought I wasn't awake.
He was obviously hooking up plastique, I assume,
And then he pushed a little button and the car went boom.

We like the cars, the cars that go boom,
We're Osama and Zarqawi and we like the boom.
We like the cars, the cars that go boom.
We're Osama and Zarqawi and we like the boom.

We like them big, and we like them small,
As long as they are killers, then we like them all.
They're always adding C4 when they find the room,
Cuz they know we love the guys with the cars that go boom.
And see my homies really know where it's at,
They've got nail-filled gastanks strapped to the back.
They'll record a video before they ride to their doom,
Because they like to drive the cars, the ones that go boom.

We like the cars, the cars that go boom,
We're Osama and Zarqawi and we like the boom.
We like the cars, the cars that go boom.
We're Osama and Zarqawi and we like the boom.

Now if your car ain't got explosives, then go out and get it,
We like the boom and don't you forget it.
So tape your foot to the pedal, and aim for the base,
So your car can be heard almost any place.
Cuz there are infidels near Tal Afar,
But your ass will get shot up if you dont have a car.
If your bomb is weak, please turn it off,
And use a suicide vest if you wanna be tough.

We like the cars, the cars that go boom,
We're Osama and Zarqawi and we like the boom.
We like the cars, the cars that go boom.
We're Osama and Zarqawi and we like the boom.

To set off the bomb just beep your horn
Just beep your horn if you want your 72 virgins!
Allah akbar!
Just hit it!
Beep, beep beep beep BOOM!
Come on everybody!
Hey, hey hey hey hey!
Beep, beep beep beep BOOM!"
posted by insomnia_lj at 11:19 PM on December 8, 2005

Riiiiight. You're giving them way too much credit.

I don't think so at all. Like Jim Davis, i think they know exactly what's going on.

I haven't heard too much of their stuff but I guess early on they put out some good stuff. I had heard the name Black Eyed Peas a few times and usually linked with the names of artists I respected.

Then years later I hear "Let's Get Retarded" at a party, see who it's by and think, "That's odd. Maybe someone else took up the name."

Nope. They weren't getting the attention by producing solid work so they hired a singer with a great body to sing the hooks dance around. They took a look at the industry and said to themselves, "In order to be successful we need catchy songs with catchy lyrics that are very repetitive about sex and drugs."

Honestly. If you were in a studio for hours recording "My Humps"; the sound guy watching you through the glass with his big headphones on and everything... do you think you wouldn't have thought about what you were doing? Can you see them working on the song and saying "Yeah, I dig that catchy beat. Maybe we could rhyme lovely lady lumps with humps." in complete earnesty? Come on.
posted by ODiV at 11:26 PM on December 8, 2005

She's lump she's lump
She's in my head
She's lump she's lump she's lump
She might be dead
posted by kirkaracha at 11:42 PM on December 8, 2005

in a weird way, i thank you for reminding me of b-rock and the biz, well_balanced.

but as a one-time sufferer of a morbidly hostile fascination with "my baby daddy," i also want to kill you. it's not me, it's the morbid hostility.
posted by Hat Maui at 3:33 AM on December 9, 2005

I don't think any song can by itself destroy cultural heritage, but geezus humps? lumps? it sounds like a glorification of cellulite if anything, i can't imagine anyone *actually* preferring to use humps/lumps as a euphemism.
posted by nile_red at 5:32 AM on December 9, 2005

Can you see them working on the song and saying "Yeah, I dig that catchy beat. Maybe we could rhyme lovely lady lumps with humps." in complete earnesty? Come on.

So just the fact they were trying to be oh so hilarious means they succeeded? that's very generous. Anybody is a comedy genius then.
posted by funambulist at 6:41 AM on December 9, 2005

Kosem: The essence of hip-hop is a beautiful and serious and musical thing. Just like the essence of rock, the essence of jazz, the essence of qwaali, the essence of bluegrass, and the essence of chamber music. Like most music, there's a lot of crap out there. Your inability to distinguish the good from the bad, or your lack of exposure due to lack of interest in the good, does not render the genre a vapid cesspool.

So, I should carefully weed through the noise and then typefy the genere by the few good exceptions? Perhaps those 'good' artists you speak of should distance themselves from the general hip-hop theme. Oh, I forget they're all making loads of money basing themselves on obscenity. I'm classifying here by the crud that's floated to the top, why go bobbing for apples in a cesspool?
posted by IronLizard at 7:57 AM on December 9, 2005

Wu Tang Clan (and many spinoffs, many), De La Soul, Public Enemy, A Tribe Called Quest, Black Sheep, KMD, MF Doom, Organized Konfusion, Ghetto Boys, Stetsasonic, Kool Keith, Ultramagnetic MCs, EPMD, Brand Nubian, Black Moon, Run DMC, Nas, Prince Paul, Chubb Rock, KRS One, Boogie Down Productions...

I'm just scraping the surface here, I could go on and on. Perhaps Ironlizard you should just say, "I don't know anything about rap music, I don't care to learn or exert myself at all" which would be a somewhat respectable thing to say, at least in terms of honesty.

Frankly you've heard a couple of examples of the most mainstream pandering kind of rap music (which is no more or less pandering or tailored to sell units than any other kind of popular music) and you've generalized it into this spit flecked USA Today cliff notes version of an opinion, which is lame. Please go ahead and hate rap music on its aesthetic merits, but don't fucking walk in here with your apples in a cesspool bullshit and expect for anyone who cares about rap, music or culture in any way to think you are anything but a fifty cent Archie Bunker clone with a less interesting riff. Ass.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:16 AM on December 9, 2005

Oh, I forget they're all making loads of money basing themselves on obscenity. I'm classifying here by the crud that's floated to the top, why go bobbing for apples in a cesspool?

Never mind.
posted by kosem at 8:52 AM on December 9, 2005

Frankly you've heard a couple of examples of the most mainstream pandering kind of rap music.

You said 'rap'. I said something else. I hear this music a great deal more than you seem to think. As someone who doesn't enjoy it personally, I have no problem with music outside of my, addmittedly, limited taste. I have a problem with the consisten obscenity for onscenity's sake. This is 'look i'm a pree teen and I can say this nasty stuff cause it's on the radio' type music. I think I've heard enough about crack houses, drive by shootings and the glorifying of violent crime. You know what, I take it back. It's not the music. It's just a symptom of a degraded culture.

And the names you listed? Is that what's playing on the Hip hop stations right now? Somehow I doubt it. It's what you might call a 'sub-section'.
posted by IronLizard at 10:36 AM on December 9, 2005

Well, there is actually a much larger section of the music that does not only deal with "I think I've heard enough about crack houses, drive by shootings and the glorifying of violent crime."

And it's true that radio friendly rap (I just don't like overusing the word hip hop) can be very vulgar and cheap, but you did lump it all together and that is what bothers me. If we went around basing our views of the world on what we heard on popular radio and tv why we'd be in a terrible pickle.... oh wait.
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:50 AM on December 9, 2005

Fergie has breast implants. Maybe that's what the 'lumps' part of the lyrics is referring to. While I haven't had an opportunity to inspect Fergie's breasts personally (yet), if the work is like the vast majority of breast enhancement surgeries it's probably misshapen and well, lumpy.

Perhaps the song is Fergie's subtle cry of dismay at her poor choice in cosmetic surgeons.
posted by mullingitover at 10:52 AM on December 9, 2005

but you did lump it all together and that is what bothers me.

You're right. I overstated, my apologies.
posted by IronLizard at 11:10 AM on December 9, 2005

Fully and totally accepted, please accept mine for calling you an ass.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:24 AM on December 9, 2005

None needed, my wife (who listens to the aforementioned radio stations on occaision) would have agreed with you.
posted by IronLizard at 11:29 AM on December 9, 2005

From the google above
posted by IronLizard at 11:35 AM on December 9, 2005

Wow. Nicely resolved, gentlemen.
posted by kosem at 11:37 AM on December 9, 2005

you did lump it all together

was that a lovely lady lump?

I'll get me coat...
posted by funambulist at 11:42 AM on December 9, 2005

Wow. Nicely resolved, gentlemen.

I went to the Slick Rick School of Courtly Manners, now please excuse me while I pick which color of fur eye patch I am going to wear this evening.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:15 PM on December 9, 2005

So just the fact they were trying to be oh so hilarious means they succeeded? that's very generous. Anybody is a comedy genius then.

Nah. I just think that they've considered the song in more than one capacity and that it was intended on more than one level. Having written and performed the song, I'm relatively certain that the Peas have thought about the song a lot more than any of us. I don't like the song, but I can appreciate that they've accomplished what they intended commercially (and perhaps more as it seems that the success of this single was sligtly unanticipated).

I wouldn't say they're comedy geniuses. They know what sells though.
posted by ODiV at 1:35 PM on December 9, 2005

If the Peas thought about the song at all, it's that much more insidious. That isn't just selling out. That's selling us all out.

"And you may tell yourself MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
posted by namespan at 12:26 PM on December 28, 2005