Cheney

February 12, 2006 1:13 PM

Cheney accidently shoots a hunter. oops.
posted by squirrely (304 comments total)

DICK CHENEY HUNTS PEOPLE.
posted by Krrrlson at 1:16 PM on February 12, 2006

Dick Cheney doesn't go hunt. Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Dick Cheney goes killing.
posted by thecaddy at 1:19 PM on February 12, 2006

It's coming right for us!
posted by Saucy Intruder at 1:19 PM on February 12, 2006

(reference)
posted by Krrrlson at 1:19 PM on February 12, 2006

It has to be an accident. It's not in his nature to kill people one at a time.
posted by PlusDistance at 1:19 PM on February 12, 2006

seriously, can this administration get any more fucked up?
posted by Saucy Intruder at 1:20 PM on February 12, 2006

And it's been going so well for the Bush administration...
posted by smackfu at 1:20 PM on February 12, 2006

Heh!!
posted by ramix at 1:20 PM on February 12, 2006

GET OUT OF THE WAY, OLD MAN! THAT'S MY BIRD!
posted by exlotuseater at 1:23 PM on February 12, 2006

You know where else they shoot people accidentally?
posted by emelenjr at 1:23 PM on February 12, 2006

At least he's maiming people personally nowadays.
posted by adampsyche at 1:25 PM on February 12, 2006

HAHAHAHAHAHA...

Shortly after realizing he had shot a fellow hunter, Cheney was reported to have said, "Thats not one of my hits! It doesn't count if he doesn't die!"
posted by SirOmega at 1:25 PM on February 12, 2006

To Cheney's credit, he clearly yelled "DUCK!" before shooting.
posted by furtive at 1:25 PM on February 12, 2006

The gun rules, from our discussions over at Userfriendly.org:

Rule 1
All guns are always loaded

Rule 2
Never let the muzzle cover anything you are not prepared to destroy
You may not wish to destroy it, but you must be clear in your mind that you are quite ready to if you let that muzzle cover the target. To allow a firearm to point at another human being is a deadly threat, and should always be treated as such.

Rule 3
Keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target
This we call the Golden Rule because its violation is responsible for about 80 percent of the firearms disasters we read about.

Rule 4
Be sure of your target and what is beyond it
You never shoot at anything until you have positively identified it. You never fire at a shadow, or a sound, or a suspected presence. You shoot only when you know absolutely what you are shooting at and what is beyond it.

Rule 5
Be sure your guns are never accessible to unauthorized or untrained individuals

Looks like he broke rules 2, 3, and 4....and possibly his handlers broke rule 5.

KS
posted by Kickstart70 at 1:25 PM on February 12, 2006

Will Eric Idle have to write a new song now?
posted by meditative_zebra at 1:27 PM on February 12, 2006

His spokesperson said "They are making progress in reducing the quail in Texas. The quail, who are mostly from neighboring states are in retreat and have links to al Coturnix, are clearly desperate."
posted by srboisvert at 1:30 PM on February 12, 2006

He's clearly pandering to the anti-hunter lobby.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 1:31 PM on February 12, 2006

C'mon, you liberals. Cheney didn't shoot anyone, that's just your MSM spin. What happened is a stray bullet found a home in a 78 year old man.
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:31 PM on February 12, 2006

Meditative..taht was deserving of its won post..perfect..oh and fuck you very much!
posted by Mr Bluesky at 1:33 PM on February 12, 2006

I personally would like to know if he shot him in the ass.
posted by NedKoppel at 1:34 PM on February 12, 2006

Sigh..someone in a hurry to type? Sorry for the f'n sp.
posted by Mr Bluesky at 1:34 PM on February 12, 2006

Does anybody know if all Vice Presidents travel with an ambulance or is that just Cheney because of his health?
posted by willnot at 1:35 PM on February 12, 2006

I wonder if the Secret Service lets the men who hunt with the VP have loaded guns.
posted by JWright at 1:36 PM on February 12, 2006

The AP:

"The vice president has got an ambulance on call, so the ambulance came."

Single payer health care is a beautiful thing, Americans are indeed lucky.
posted by matteo at 1:37 PM on February 12, 2006

It helps, when hunting with others, if you scope out the lines of fire beforehand to make sure you're not overlapping where somebody else its or might go. (Plus, I'd be hesitant to go hunting with a guy who already has a history of heart problems, although that doesn't seem to have become an issue here.)
posted by alumshubby at 1:37 PM on February 12, 2006

Bill O'Reilly was quoted with his take shortly after the "accident":

"Now see there, see there, that's what happens when you step in front of someone's gun. I mean, really, do you really expect Dick Cheney, the Vice President, second-in-command of the world's most powerful military, do you expect him not to know how to handle a gun?"
posted by secret about box at 1:37 PM on February 12, 2006

And, though I can understand the appeal, I don't think it's entirely justifiable that they were hunting Dan Quayle.
posted by JWright at 1:38 PM on February 12, 2006

General Zaroff?

Seriously though, I'm sure it's nothing more sinister than the Veep merely taking a more proactive approach towards harvesting organs for his rapidly decaying meatsuit.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:40 PM on February 12, 2006

Like shooting fish in a barrel here...
posted by fixedgear at 1:41 PM on February 12, 2006

With Cheney the jokes just write themselves. Can't wait for the nighttime shows tomorrow...
posted by vannsant at 1:41 PM on February 12, 2006

I've never understood the accidental shooting when hunting.

I've fired guns before. I can't imagine unintentionally shooting a person. I mean, you're hunting quail. If there is any doubt that you might be shooting anything but the bird, don't pull the damn trigger.

I wonder if Whittington (the shootee), had just mentioned that he was doubting the Bush administration? Nah ... ;-)
posted by teece at 1:43 PM on February 12, 2006

You should be ashamed of criticizing Dick , it is an accident that can happen even to the best shooter. Now it is not like he is in charge of a country....

THAT Dick Cheney ?
posted by elpapacito at 1:45 PM on February 12, 2006

Rove's sense of subtly sure must be waning. There are other ways to get those pictures outta the news.

on preview...

teece is correct, there is never any excuse for this sort of accident. Gun safety was obviously not followed.
posted by TetrisKid at 1:46 PM on February 12, 2006

The hell with all you Cheney critics. I will continue to stand behind the VP.

Such a man, killing small flying animals from afar with scattering, chemically propelled projectiles. And his politics: easy access to guns, making America oh so safe.

His aim is true. What's not to love about the Big Dick?
posted by fold_and_mutilate at 1:48 PM on February 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

Afroblanco, I don't believe Arron Burr Killed anyone named Whittington. Good attempt at a joke, though.
posted by piratebowling at 1:48 PM on February 12, 2006

"Fortunately, the vice president has got a lot of medical people around him and so they were right there and probably more cautious than we would have been," she said. "The vice president has got an ambulance on call, so the ambulance came."

I wonder just how big the posse is. And how many more medics he travels compared to other VP's with that heart of his.
posted by cavalier at 1:49 PM on February 12, 2006

watching from a car while Cheney, Whittington and another hunter got out of the vehicle to shot at a covey of quail

That's a sportsman for ya.

At least he was present.
posted by pwedza at 1:51 PM on February 12, 2006

And how many more medics he travels compared to other VP's with that heart of his.

I hear that he keeps a heart in a cooler on standby where ever he goes.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 1:51 PM on February 12, 2006

Cheney must've found out that Whittington hasn't made a donation since 2003.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:52 PM on February 12, 2006

Good ole Deadeye Dick...
posted by Eekacat at 1:52 PM on February 12, 2006

Does anybody know if all Vice Presidents travel with an ambulance or is that just Cheney because of his health?
posted by willnot at 1:35 PM PST on February 12 [!]

Just the ones that God keeps striking dead and doctors, nonetheless, keep bringing back. And HA!@ "rapidly decaying meatsuit." Too funny.
posted by onegreeneye at 1:53 PM on February 12, 2006

Man, talk about friendly fire.
posted by F Mackenzie at 1:54 PM on February 12, 2006

Did Dick have a "senior moment"? Let's see if they ever let him go hunting again.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 1:54 PM on February 12, 2006

DICK CHENEY DOES NOT GO HUNTING

HE GOES KILLING
posted by interrobang at 1:56 PM on February 12, 2006

I think the bigger story today is that fold_and_mutilate has a sense of humor.
posted by shoos at 2:01 PM on February 12, 2006

He shot a lawyer.... the man's living out the American dream.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 2:01 PM on February 12, 2006

and they call me the stupid one
via linkfilter
posted by Postroad at 2:03 PM on February 12, 2006

why didn't they just shrug it off as collateral damage?
posted by pyramid termite at 2:05 PM on February 12, 2006

HOW could this happen? God, with all his military experience and training as a young man. Oh, wait ... thats right .... nevermind.
posted by R. Mutt at 2:05 PM on February 12, 2006

Well, that's certainly one way to effect tort reform.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 2:05 PM on February 12, 2006

Enemy combatant!
posted by JWright at 2:06 PM on February 12, 2006

Dick Cheney doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another 78-year-old guy twelve miles away.
posted by tapeguy at 2:08 PM on February 12, 2006

posted by lobstah at 2:11 PM on February 12, 2006

give 'em hell dick me boy! and asspants full o' hot lead pellets.
posted by nola at 2:12 PM on February 12, 2006

Cheny must have an interest in eminent domain.

Six years ago, Austin condemned a downtown block Whittington's family owned to build a $10.5 million parking garage. Whittington's been fighting the city ever since. He racked up two legal victories last year, and on Friday racked up a third: The Texas Supreme Court denied the city's request to hear an appeal, which basically re-affirms a prior ruling in Whittington's favor.

posted by mischief at 2:14 PM on February 12, 2006

Whittington must have been carrying WMDs. I'm sure they'll be found soon.
posted by brain_drain at 2:16 PM on February 12, 2006

that's one less member of al-quailda
posted by pyramid termite at 2:18 PM on February 12, 2006

The butt-ler did it.
posted by mischief at 2:19 PM on February 12, 2006

Do you have to "look mean" to hunt animals for fun? -- I mean, both Cheney and the lawyer he nailed just look, well, mean.
posted by narebuc at 2:26 PM on February 12, 2006

You've gotta love the photo yahoo chose to attach to the article. A-la-snarling dog.
posted by degnarra at 2:28 PM on February 12, 2006

Too bad he didn't go with Scalia on this trip.
posted by terrapin at 2:36 PM on February 12, 2006

Pyramid Termite, you made me laugh aloud. If I would have been drinking water, I'd have a ruined keyboard right now.

I bet dollars to donuts some late night comedian steals that line. It's ripe for the taking...
posted by almostcool at 2:38 PM on February 12, 2006

This is a perfect demonstration of Schlemiel vs. Schlemazel.
posted by horsewithnoname at 2:40 PM on February 12, 2006

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH ... cheney's buddy got a little taste of the shit he's been doing to iraqi children.
posted by specialk420 at 2:43 PM on February 12, 2006

You know, if Dick Cheney hadn't dodged the draft so many times, maybe the Army would've taught him to shoot.

Bah dum bump. Thanks, I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitstaff.
posted by frogan at 2:43 PM on February 12, 2006

In Cheney's defense, reports say that his hunting partner was dressed in a turban and long beard. Wouldn't we all have made the same mistake?
posted by quadog at 2:44 PM on February 12, 2006

But its okay because he didn't mean to?
posted by fenriq at 2:45 PM on February 12, 2006

Too bad he didn't go with Scalia on this trip.

Unlike before?
posted by tapeguy at 2:47 PM on February 12, 2006

god, what an idiot.
posted by destro at 2:56 PM on February 12, 2006

I would have never expected snark in a thread like this. What a surprise.
posted by Cyrano at 3:02 PM on February 12, 2006

tapeguy: That was the joke. Maybe he could have shot Scalia. Get it?
posted by terrapin at 3:03 PM on February 12, 2006

I wonder if Cheney's already yelled at his security staff for not "finishing him off"?
posted by fenriq at 3:04 PM on February 12, 2006

Can't you just imagine the scowl on his face after it happened?

"Shake it off, pussy. It's only buckshot."
posted by fungible at 3:04 PM on February 12, 2006

did anybody ever see El Aura? There's this taxidermist, see, and one day he's out on a hunting trip and he shoots this guy. And then he takes over the guy's plan to knock off a casino and...

Well, the point is, Cheney must be planning the perfect crime.
posted by punkbitch at 3:05 PM on February 12, 2006

I would have never expected snark in a thread like this. What a surprise.

maybe you and the v p should go on a snark hunt ...
posted by pyramid termite at 3:07 PM on February 12, 2006

Kickstart70, please don't sign your posts.

thanks, --ori
posted by ori at 3:07 PM on February 12, 2006

I hear that he keeps a heart in a cooler on standby where ever he goes.

Even better - his SS detail have been tissue-typed (fresher meat, y'know).
posted by hangashore at 3:10 PM on February 12, 2006

Ironic this was posted by squirrely.
posted by smackfu at 3:11 PM on February 12, 2006

What does "signing your post " mean?
posted by A189Nut at 3:12 PM on February 12, 2006

Harry greeted the bullet as a liberator.
posted by effwerd at 3:12 PM on February 12, 2006

Too bad he didn't go with Scalia on this trip.

Heh. That was a joke, for those of you in the media. And tapeguy.

The hell with all you Cheney critics. I will continue to stand behind the VP.

That's just where he wants you, foldy. That's where Whittington was.

But you're right. There are few things more perfectly ironic than grown men masculinely shooting each other because it's so important to them to shoot small defenseless animals, and hey, that's just something that happens when you're trying to shoot small defenseless animals. It will be interesting to see whether this incident prompts the mainstream culture to take another look at this demented "sport."
posted by soyjoy at 3:13 PM on February 12, 2006

This is such a crappy post, everyone knows Macs are better and immune to viruses
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:14 PM on February 12, 2006

Yeah Kickstart... that's annoying.

You too ori

<3 AS <3
posted by AspectRatio at 3:16 PM on February 12, 2006

A deaf man once accidentally bumped into Dick Cheney. Cheney said, "Who the hell do you think you are? I'm Dick Cheney!" At the mere mention of his name, the man's deafness was cured. Unfortunately, the first, last and only thing he heard was the cocking of a shotgun and the maniacal laughter of Dick Cheney.
posted by thecaddy at 3:17 PM on February 12, 2006

...the Vice President was seen to draw a pentagram of blood around the prostrate body while chanting to his dark Lord and brandishing a large knife. ... ; >
posted by amberglow at 3:25 PM on February 12, 2006

God, could you imagine if he'd actually killed him?

Involuntary manslaughter charges for the Veep?
posted by darkstar at 3:25 PM on February 12, 2006

Too bad he doesn't go hunt with the prez.

Kickstart70, you forgot rule 0. Rule 0: Don't do guns, you don't need them and whatever you can do with them, especially hunting, is utterly stupid and will backfire one day, regardless of who you are and how safe you're playing it.
posted by NewBornHippy at 3:27 PM on February 12, 2006

Yahoo! News:
78 year old man shot and wounded.

MetaFilter:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Doofi.
posted by scarabic at 3:33 PM on February 12, 2006

posted by darkstar at 3:35 PM on February 12, 2006

This is the lead story on the ABC evening news- is this really the most important thing happening in the world tonight?!?!??!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:40 PM on February 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

Cheney's got a gun </Aerosmith>
posted by FunkyHelix at 3:42 PM on February 12, 2006

Well, this and Blizzard '06.
posted by dame at 3:43 PM on February 12, 2006

This post would have been a lot better if the first "O" in "oops" had been capitalized. That detracted from my enjoyment.

My question is whether the police were alerted. Do the Secret Service fill that role in these kinds of incidents?
posted by brundlefly at 3:45 PM on February 12, 2006

anyone want to let me know what the daily show's take on this is?
posted by shmegegge at 3:45 PM on February 12, 2006

Frickin' teamkillers.
posted by Drexen at 3:46 PM on February 12, 2006

Oh, yeah... and if so, that seems like a nasty little conflict of interest.
posted by brundlefly at 3:47 PM on February 12, 2006

Do the Secret Service fill that role in these kinds of incidents?

In this new world of no checks and balances, yes.
posted by terrapin at 3:49 PM on February 12, 2006

Libby really should have declined such an invitation...
posted by Busithoth at 3:50 PM on February 12, 2006

terrapin: That's what I figured.
posted by brundlefly at 3:56 PM on February 12, 2006

the news just reported the guy was shot three time. i wonder that no one has yet mentioned that. if he was hunting with a rifle, does that mean he had to RELOAD?
posted by eatdonuts at 4:01 PM on February 12, 2006

Cheney has invited Jack Abramhoff and Scooter Libby on next week's "hunting trip"
posted by Agamenticus at 4:01 PM on February 12, 2006

This is too funny to be true. It's even funnier because it is true. Who else is looking forward to The Daily Show's take on this one?
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:02 PM on February 12, 2006

and to think, all this time, i thought that dick was shooting blanks.
posted by nearo at 4:02 PM on February 12, 2006

the news just reported the guy was shot three time. i wonder that no one has yet mentioned that. if he was hunting with a rifle, does that mean he had to RELOAD?
posted by eatdonuts at 7:01 PM EST on February 12 [!]

I think he was shot in three places, which is plausible, considering he was hit with a shotgun.
posted by Busithoth at 4:06 PM on February 12, 2006

If I didn't stand behind our VP before, I will now! (It's safer there.)
posted by sourwookie at 4:06 PM on February 12, 2006

I guess this is what happens when you give a chickenhawk a gun.
posted by wakko at 4:08 PM on February 12, 2006

i appologize, i may be out of line here, but did that dick really blow his load on that old mans face and chest?
posted by nearo at 4:12 PM on February 12, 2006

I feel bad for the guy. Gunshot to the face is not very nice.

The GOP seems to be unable to do nothing but destroy.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 4:14 PM on February 12, 2006

He thought it was a quail...just bad intelligence.
posted by lobstah at 4:19 PM on February 12, 2006

MetaFilter:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Lame as hell, ain't it?

But I suspect a "Hillary accidentally shoots a hunter" thread over at FreeRepublic would have much the same tenor.
posted by Cyrano at 4:24 PM on February 12, 2006

Cheney is responsible for the death of at least 2000+ American soldiers and countless other people due to essentially LIES (at the least about WMD).

Listen, if someone like McCain (who I guess are pro-NRA) did it, the thread would nowhere nohow would the thread go on like this one.

I simply can't understand how Cheney sleeps at night knowing he has destroyed the lives off so many of blatant lies.

The way Cheney was in bed with Enron and Haliburton. The way this guy avoided the draft. The way this guy DIDN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT VOTING IN LIKE 12 ELECTIONS. And the way he claims the only patriots are the ones who support W -- well, come on, he was asking for it. If the guy died, it would have been more somber. But to lose the humor, and, yes, not to indulge in some schadenfrude here would mean not being human.

It's not a partisan issue here at all - it's an he's a lying a-hole issue.
posted by narebuc at 4:34 PM on February 12, 2006

I suspect a "Hillary shoots a hunter" thread would have much the same tenor here. I don't think there are any politicians that MeFi won't savage.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:36 PM on February 12, 2006

Cyrano, FreeRepublic would be cursing and swearing, upset that she hadn't shot herself.

We may be snarky, but I haven't seen one wish here for Cheney to be injured or dead instead.
posted by Malor at 4:37 PM on February 12, 2006

i guess we're expected by some folks here to send this guy get-well cards or something.

yes, indeed, pointing out the irony of a draft-dodging cold-hearted gun-rights supporter fucking up and shooting someone during a hunting expedition is definitely below the belt. we ought to be ashaaaaaaamed of ourselves!

quick, everyone feel ashamed for a few seconds with me. even if you can't, pretend to. ok, that's fine, carry on.
posted by wakko at 4:43 PM on February 12, 2006

I like how Cheney's spokesperson just refers reporters to the ranch owner, who instead of saying that Cheney shot someone, says that the guy near Cheney "got peppered pretty good." (Adding "You know, I've been peppered pretty well myself!")

Charming language that suggests two possibilities: 1) Cheney shot the other hunter in a chummy and somewhat amusing manner; 2) Cheney was merely seasoning the face of a man he intended to eat.
posted by washburn at 4:51 PM on February 12, 2006

Maybe he thought the guy was a killer rabbit.
posted by nonane at 4:57 PM on February 12, 2006

James and Sarah Brady Comment on the Vice President's Hunting Mishap

2/12/2006 5:40:00 PM

To: National Desk

Contact: Peter Hamm of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, 202-289-5792

WASHINGTON, Feb. 12 /U.S. Newswire/ -- James and Sarah Brady made comments today related to Vice President Cheney's reportedly accidental shooting yesterday in Texas.

"Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him," said Jim Brady. "I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog - and I thought he was an idiot."

"I've thought Cheney was scary for a long time," Sarah Brady said. "Now I know I was right to be nervous."
posted by seymour.skinner at 5:00 PM on February 12, 2006

"The vice president has got an ambulance on call, so the ambulance came."

Wow. I gotta get on his HMO.

Seriously, no wonder he doesn't think there's a problem with healthcare in this country.
posted by hoborg at 5:14 PM on February 12, 2006

Darkstar & Funkyhelix, you guys pitch in and buy me a new keyboard, and another mocha. And arrange not to post so close together. Geez.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 5:16 PM on February 12, 2006

Everyone knows Hilary hunts in her loin cloth with just a bowie knife. She, as do many, thinks people that hunt with guns are pussies.
posted by fenriq at 5:19 PM on February 12, 2006

It's not a partisan issue here at all - it's an he's a lying a-hole issue.

I don't disagree. I loathe the motherfucker. But that has to do with a hunting accident how exactly?

FreeRepublic would be cursing and swearing, upset that she hadn't shot herself.

True that. But vitriol is vitriol, regardless of whether it's diet or classic.

indeed, pointing out the irony of a draft-dodging cold-hearted gun-rights supporter fucking up and shooting someone during a hunting expedition is definitely below the belt. we ought to be ashaaaaaaamed of ourselves!

Yes. You should, you self-absorbed twit. You're getting your political wank off as a result of someone else's pain.

And yeah, I'm sure They do it, too. But as I often argue with people who claim to support torture: if you're going to do the same thing as a bad guy, you're a bad guy, too.
posted by Cyrano at 5:37 PM on February 12, 2006

the Bradys are great--i'll never forget for the rest of my life how they left him lying there on the ground while they hustled Reagan away--ever.
posted by amberglow at 5:38 PM on February 12, 2006

Cheney's got a gun /Aerosmith
posted by FunkyHelix

For me, this one won the thread. Not only did I nearly spit tea everywhere, but now that song's running through my head.
posted by Zinger at 5:40 PM on February 12, 2006

The Daily Show's got nothing on mefi!
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:47 PM on February 12, 2006

Is anybody watching CNN Presents right now? I am pleasantly shocked.
posted by brundlefly at 5:49 PM on February 12, 2006

/derail
posted by brundlefly at 5:49 PM on February 12, 2006

i'll never forget for the rest of my life how they left him lying there on the ground while they hustled Reagan away--ever.

Not to digress/derail, and I don't disagree with you about the Bradys, but how long did he lie on the ground before help came? The Secret Service's job is the get the President the fuck out of there. They're not EMT's. The shooter was down. What more did you expect them to do?
posted by Cyrano at 5:52 PM on February 12, 2006

And today we learn why his nickname isn't Deadeye.
posted by pembleton at 5:54 PM on February 12, 2006

This is the salient detail under all the jokes, folks:

The shooting was first reported by the Corpus Christi Caller-Times. The vice president's office did not disclose the accident until nearly 24 hours after it happened.

In other words, yes, "Massively Well-Hung Dick" Cheney can shoot somebody and nobody hears about it for 24 hours. Makes you wonder what we never hear about.
posted by digaman at 6:03 PM on February 12, 2006

'Course, this isn't the first time a vice president shot some dude. Watch out if he tries to take over Texas.
posted by ph00dz at 6:13 PM on February 12, 2006

I hear he once shot a man just for snoring. They buried him in the Black Hills, no white man will ever know where.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:15 PM on February 12, 2006

Whatever it takes to keep you morons quacking, it seems.
posted by Dean Keaton at 6:17 PM on February 12, 2006

I can only find a too-short (25-second) video of the whole thing and it doesn't really show Reagan leaving or anything, but it seemed like ages after Reagan had already been hustled away, and ages after Hinckley had been taken away---all the while he was laying on the ground bleeding. Unreliable pages say an ambulance came for Brady and the other guys 5 minutes later. (it seemed really long at the time)
posted by amberglow at 6:24 PM on February 12, 2006

I simply can't understand how Cheney sleeps at night

Here I'll help you.

First, after he tucks in Duhbya with a bed time story about Jesus using Kung-Fu on Osama Bin Laden, he retires to his Chamber in the Sub-Sub-Sub bunker of the Whitehouse.

Cheney, upon being silently undressed by his 14 year old Laotian valet, is slowly lowered into one of three warm Oil Baths. The third one, virgin truffle oil, is diluted with forty gallons of Bollinger 1997 Grande Annee Brut Champagne.

His valet then pats him dry with a series of Sable mittens.

The vice President is then swathed in velvet and silk and carried by eight able-bodied bearers to his double-king four-poster canopy bed where he is then hand fed truffles and caviar while a harpist plays irish lullabies.
posted by tkchrist at 6:27 PM on February 12, 2006

tkchrist, the spirit of William S. Burroughs speaks through you.
posted by digaman at 6:43 PM on February 12, 2006

this is what it looked like, even after Hinckley was taken away
posted by amberglow at 6:43 PM on February 12, 2006

What really happened is that the poor people hadn't been delivered to the ranch as promised. With a lack of targets, the hunting party simply compared portfolios and shot the member with the least amount of money.
posted by forrest at 6:44 PM on February 12, 2006

...he retires to his Chamber in the Sub-Sub-Sub bunker of the Whitehouse. ...

but that's where Rove's leather slave is shackled
posted by amberglow at 6:48 PM on February 12, 2006

this is what it looked like, even after Hinckley was taken away

Hinckley was still being restrained in that photo.

Don't get me wrong. The image of Brady on the ground is still powerful as hell. I'm just curious as to who the "they" are you were referring to.

(And I'm not trying to derail the main "discussion" here [which I will admit I don't think is worth much.] amberglow and I are just having a bit of a tangent. And an interesting one, to me, anyway. Thanks amberglow.)
posted by Cyrano at 6:53 PM on February 12, 2006

I say ban teh TK'er.
posted by HyperBlue at 6:56 PM on February 12, 2006

(they--cops and ss. Reagan was hustled away within like 15 seconds, and then Hinckley was really quickly hustled away, and Brady just lay there.)

look how lovingly Cheney fondles his gun
posted by amberglow at 7:02 PM on February 12, 2006

Would we have heard anything at all if he'd killed him rather than just wounded him?
posted by fenriq at 7:04 PM on February 12, 2006

I say ban teh TK'er


That single post redeemed this entire thread. Well played HyperBlue.
posted by a3matrix at 7:06 PM on February 12, 2006

<Dick>Be wery, wery, quiet! I'm hunting wawyers!</Dick>
posted by octobersurprise at 7:07 PM on February 12, 2006

If Cheney had killed him, by now the corpse would have been lovingly prepared and devoured in a ceremony to Cheney's dark lord.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:08 PM on February 12, 2006

Amber. That is his weapon.

THIS is his gun.

One is for fighting. The other for fun.
posted by tkchrist at 7:08 PM on February 12, 2006

I am surprised we have gone this many comments into this without the mandatory "gang who couldn't shoot straight" joke.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:11 PM on February 12, 2006

I say ban teh TK'er

I don't get it.
posted by tkchrist at 7:12 PM on February 12, 2006

Cheney's Alive!
And a crack shot with a crossbow!
posted by Balisong at 7:12 PM on February 12, 2006

I vote nearo. Obvious joke, and no one else saw it. Bravo.
posted by fungible at 7:15 PM on February 12, 2006

I heard he shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
posted by anthill at 7:19 PM on February 12, 2006

I don't get it.
posted by tkchrist at 9:12 PM CST on February 12 [!]

In case you're being serious: TK.

Cheney can shoot somebody and nobody hears about it for 24 hours. Makes you wonder what we never hear about.
posted by digaman at 8:03 PM CST on February 12

This is a very serious point.
posted by Ynoxas at 7:33 PM on February 12, 2006

Thanks Ynoxas. I didn't know. I'm old.

And your right about digaman's comment. THAT is a veeeey serious point. Yet I am not at all surprised.
posted by tkchrist at 7:37 PM on February 12, 2006

The Wounds Of War
posted by homunculus at 7:47 PM on February 12, 2006

Ssssssshhhhhhh.... I'm hunting whittingtons!
posted by maryh at 7:56 PM on February 12, 2006

Never go hunting with a cyborg. Can't trust 'em.
posted by beth at 8:04 PM on February 12, 2006

I like where this thread is going
posted by growabrain at 8:13 PM on February 12, 2006

Well, now Cheney can step down to nurse his buddy back to health, and make way for Allen
posted by amberglow at 8:18 PM on February 12, 2006

Cheney has invited Jack Abramhoff and Scooter Libby on next week's "hunting trip"

"Leave the gun. Take the quail."
posted by jennyb at 8:20 PM on February 12, 2006

Let that be a warning to all you Lib whiners.
posted by HTuttle at 8:23 PM on February 12, 2006

This just in: Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has reversed his previous opinion and now says he considers it an ethics violation to fraternize with the veep. He will no longer join Mr. Cheney on future hunting trips.

and what that says is right--if the guy had died, we never would have heard a word about it anywhere.
posted by amberglow at 8:23 PM on February 12, 2006

digby has a scoop? ...OK, folks, I think I got enough information here to tell you about the contents of this fax that I got. Brace yourselves. This fax contains information that I have just been told will appear in a newsletter to Morgan Stanley sales personnel this afternoon... What it is is a bit of news which says... there's a Washington consulting firm that has scheduled the release of a report that will appear, it will be published, that claims that this shooting took place in an apartment owned by Lynn Cheney, and the body was then taken to the ranch. ...
posted by amberglow at 8:27 PM on February 12, 2006

Let that be a warning to all you Lib whiners.

death threats. classy.
posted by destro at 8:28 PM on February 12, 2006

EXCLUSIVE: First Photo of Cheney Shooting Victim--...An EMT who attended to "Mr. Whittington" told the Huffington Post that, during the ambulance ride, he overheard Cheney mumbling, "Who's leaking now, f***ker?" and, "F***ker survived. Gotta work on my aim."

The EMT later remarked to the vice president, "Harry Whittington? That sounds like a made-up name." When contacted for clarification on Cheney's reply, the Huffington Post has learned the emergency worker has disappeared. ... ; >
posted by amberglow at 8:32 PM on February 12, 2006

I love this, from the New York Times. After 24 hours spent trying to figure out how to spin this so Cheney doesn't look like a complete idiot, Cheney's people settle on a strategy---"Blame the victim":

According to Katharine Armstrong, the daughter of Anne Armstrong, Mr. Whittington broke away from a line of three hunters, including Mr. Cheney, and failed to announce that he was returning to the group. When he approached, Mr. Cheney had already begun to shoot into a covey of quail that was taking off from the ground.

"This all happened pretty quickly," Ms. Armstrong said in a telephone interview from her ranch. Mr. Whittington, she said, "did not announce — which would be protocol — 'Hey, it's me, I'm coming up,' " she said.

"He didn't do what he was supposed to do," she added, referring to Mr. Whittington. "So when a bird flushed and the vice president swung in to shoot it, Harry was where the bird was."
posted by jayder at 8:33 PM on February 12, 2006

May we please see a certified copy of the valid Texas hunting license the Vice-president had in his possession at the time he shot Mr. Whittington?

In addition, may we please see verification that the Vice-president completed all of the mandatory hunter education requirements?

Wonder if he will produce a valid license?

Think he had one?

Will this require a FOIA request?
posted by amberglow at 8:36 PM on February 12, 2006

jayder, that's their standard strategy for everything--and of course the media doesn't question it.
posted by amberglow at 8:37 PM on February 12, 2006

I'm skeptical on this one--it just doesn't seem to be Cheney's style. If he had really wanted to off him, he probably would have slowly twisted a buck knife into his abdomen, before calmly ripping him to pieces with his bare hands. :-)

I'm still waiting for the diversionary defense along the lines of: "There are those out there who have a problem with me shooting a fellow hunter, and to those people I would simply remind them that we are at war with an enemy that has no morals and that we can never forget the lessons of 9/11. Those who would impinge on our ability to carry firearms are simply giving aid and comfort to the enemy, hampering law enforcement, and placing this country at unacceptible risk..."
posted by MrSoyBoy at 8:53 PM on February 12, 2006

Rifles don't wound people. Dick Cheney wounds people.
posted by FeldBum at 8:54 PM on February 12, 2006

Guys who kill from the road disgust me. It's no surprise Cheney does it. What a dick! When I see quail escorting their families across the road, their little "hats" bobbing over their heads, I'm delighted. It's a privilege. But Mr. King of the World only want to kill them. What a pathetic bully.
posted by chance at 9:14 PM on February 12, 2006

"According to Katharine Armstrong, the daughter of Anne Armstrong, Mr. Whittington broke away from a line of three hunters, including Mr. Cheney, and failed to announce that he was returning to the group. When he approached, Mr. Cheney had already begun to shoot into a covey of quail that was taking off from the ground."

So it's the old "faulty intelligence" routine again? Meh, why not? When you're in such a tight corner, it's always a good idea to run with the classics.
posted by Effigy2000 at 9:16 PM on February 12, 2006

Someday, when I shoot somebody, I hope I'm the vice president.
posted by cribcage at 9:25 PM on February 12, 2006

chance writes "Guys who kill from the road disgust me"

To be fair the article doesn't say they were traveling on a road, they may have been actually using a 4X4 for it's intended purpose.
posted by Mitheral at 10:10 PM on February 12, 2006

so, were the words "fuck off" uttered at anytime immediately before or after the shot was fired?
posted by quonsar at 10:47 PM on February 12, 2006

piratebowling: "Afroblanco, I don't believe Arron Burr Killed anyone named Whittington. Good attempt at a joke, though."


Actually, see this pedia article on Aaron Burr. So, while technically, it is true, that Aaron burr never killed anyone named Whittington, his descendents ARE!

(OK, I'm sorry for the terrible link and even worse writing at the site)
posted by symbioid at 10:49 PM on February 12, 2006

I'd assume that in the same way two wrongs don't make a right, that two bad joke attempts don't make a funny?
posted by symbioid at 10:50 PM on February 12, 2006

183 comments, and none of them reference "Dick is a Killer"?
posted by booksandlibretti at 11:09 PM on February 12, 2006

I heard the blame the victim argument on the news too. they said Cheney was well versed in gun safety. If that were true, wouldn't he be required to look where he's going to shoot?
posted by pembleton at 11:19 PM on February 12, 2006

This thread is comedy Americium. For that I thank you, assembled Mefites.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:28 PM on February 12, 2006

posted by NinjaPirate at 1:18 AM on February 13, 2006

This is intriguing. I would think this would be the kind of thing you wouldn't just want to sit on. Not only is it ethically/legally questionable, but isn't the VP shooting a guy something you'd want to control the spin on before it got out to the press?
posted by EarBucket at 3:27 AM on February 13, 2006

You shot Church Whittington, you team-killing fucktard!
posted by slimepuppy at 3:39 AM on February 13, 2006

Hey, Skallas, have you considered this for inspiration?


posted by NewBornHippy at 5:17 AM on February 13, 2006

skallas, ninjapirate: thanks for the ROFL
posted by moonbird at 5:24 AM on February 13, 2006

E&P: The more than 18-hour delay in news emerging that the Vice President of the United States had shot a man, sending him to an intensive care unit with his wounds, grew even more curious late Sunday. E&P has learned that the official confirmation of the shooting came about only after a local reporter in Corpus Christi, Texas, received a tip from the owner of the property where the shooting occured and called Vice President Cheney's office for confirmation.

The confirmation was made but it is not known for certain that Cheney's office, the White House, or anyone else intended to announce the shooting if the reporter, Jaime Powell of the Corpus Christ Caller-Times, had not received word from the ranch owner. ...
posted by amberglow at 6:38 AM on February 13, 2006

Scoot faster, boy.
posted by digaman at 8:04 AM on February 13, 2006

I shot the lawyer, but I swear it was in self-defense
I shot the lawyer, and they say it is a capital offense
posted by SisterHavana at 8:32 AM on February 13, 2006

they may have been actually using a 4X4 for it's intended purpose.

They were going to the mall? Or are you referring to the tax break?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:58 AM on February 13, 2006

I haven't seen one wish here for Cheney to be injured or dead instead.

*raises hand*
posted by If I Had An Anus at 9:00 AM on February 13, 2006

Is it open season on lawyer's now?

*crosses fingers*
posted by Gamblor at 9:21 AM on February 13, 2006

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

From William Shakespeare's Henry IV. The character's name? Dick.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:33 AM on February 13, 2006

Is it open season on lawyer's now?

*crosses fingers*
posted by Gamblor at 9:21 AM PST on February 13 [!]

Perhaps he's been reading his Shakespeare?
posted by rough ashlar at 9:37 AM on February 13, 2006

The character's name? Dick.

Surreal. My head a splode.
posted by Gamblor at 9:42 AM on February 13, 2006

This incident reminds me of when I was a teen. A couple of friends were target shooting in the basement of someone's house (!). I think they were a tad liquored up and being reckless and one ended up in hospital with dozens of tiny angry puckered red scabs all over his arm, face and shoulder. I guess he was putting up another paper target and hadn't completely cleared the spray area. What can you do about stupid high school kids blowing off some hormonal/adrenaline steam. That's MUCH different than old men with incredible money and power practising the safe enjoyment of a bloodsport. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Veep is a creep.
posted by Skygazer at 9:47 AM on February 13, 2006

Cheney's hunting past includes shooting farm-raised pheasants that were released from nets in front of the hunting party and criticizing John Kerry for getting a grade of F from the NRA.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:49 AM on February 13, 2006

Whittington sent word through a hospital official that he would not comment out of fear respect for Cheney.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:57 AM on February 13, 2006

U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney pulled the trigger on a shotgun when its barrel was pointed at your face, and you owe him respect? Jesus, grow a pair.
posted by emelenjr at 12:42 PM on February 13, 2006

Yow! Hype-o-rama.
I honestly didn’t expect to see this here considering all the news coverage. But there’s always some dude wearing the gorilla suit/lampshade/etc.

Meh. It’s still comedy.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:12 PM on February 13, 2006

I heard that Bush wasn't told that Cheney was the gunman until after the story had broken.
posted by sonofsamiam at 1:17 PM on February 13, 2006

...he retires to his Chamber in the Sub-Sub-Sub bunker of the Whitehouse. ...

but that's where Rove's leather slave is shackled
posted by amberglow at 9:48 PM EST on February 12 [!]

Coincidence?
posted by Pollomacho at 1:28 PM on February 13, 2006

The news reports say the accident happened "around 5:30 pm" on Saturday. In Texas, quail can be hunted until 30 minutes after sunset. Sunset on Saturday, in Corpus Christi, was at 6:18, which means they were legal until 6:48. The "around" is suspicious.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 2:00 PM on February 13, 2006

This story gets smellier by the minute. Whittington was not that far away--bird shot won't put you in the ICU at that range. Sting, yes, but this sounds more like about 15 feet. My guess is that Cheney was drunk--if he wasn't, he's an even bigger asshole than I could ever give him credit for.
posted by bardic at 2:13 PM on February 13, 2006

It's interestig to me that Cheney's story is complete bullshit.

He is 100% responsible. He should not have been firing at an angle where he could hit a human, especially if he had not ascertained that his fire direction was empty. He should have been firing into the air.

Whittigton did nothing wrong -- of course he comes up from behind -- are you supposed to approach the hunters with guns from the front?

Of course he approached silently -- ever gone hunting? Had he shouted "Hey Dick, I'm over here" he would have been kicked off the trip.

Cheney shot this guy because he is reckless and irresponsible -- period. Sure, it was an accident. But he should have his hunting license revoked. He's a danger to those around him. Jerk.

And this guy got shot -- not peppered. Getting peppered is having shot fall onto you -- what happened to Whittington is that he got shot. He's in an ICU as a result of it. It probably hurt like hell. And Cheney tried to cover it up. Nice guy.
posted by teece at 2:13 PM on February 13, 2006

30 yards? 9/10 of a football field? Bullfuckingshit.
posted by bardic at 2:16 PM on February 13, 2006

*math skillz not so good today sorry, but this story is really messed up*
posted by bardic at 2:18 PM on February 13, 2006

If I Had An Anus writes "Sunset on Saturday, in Corpus Christi, was at 6:18, which means they were legal until 6:48. The 'around' is suspicious."

Whoa the guy aat your link has a serious axe to grind doesn't he?
posted by Mitheral at 2:28 PM on February 13, 2006

So... not a vindictive question but, does he face any sort of legal action because of this? Even if it was a straight accident and the shootee doesn't press charges seem there would be some sort of sanction for this action. Or a least an investigation of the more suspicious aspects of the story.
posted by edgeways at 2:38 PM on February 13, 2006

30 yards? 9/10 of a football field? Bullfuckingshit.
posted by bardic at 5:16 PM EST on February 13 [!]

Uhhh. 30 yards is 3/10 of a football field.
posted by trey at 2:43 PM on February 13, 2006

*math skillz not so good today sorry, but this story is really messed up*
posted by bardic at 5:18 PM EST on February 13 [!]

Doh, sorry.
posted by trey at 2:43 PM on February 13, 2006

This whole incident is just too fun.

An anonymous administration official denied eyewitnesses claims that Cheney was also seen feeding on the blood of his victim. “It’s preposterous” said White House press secretary Scott McClellan. “The victim is a 78 year old man, not a unicorn or 16 year old Azerbaijani virgin raised on life-giving Bahmaz.”

By all accounts the shooting incident will help boost Dick Cheney’s recently flagging “street cred”. According to an anonymous administration official, the White House has recently been concerned that Dick Cheney’s public reputation was becoming too sympathetic and human.

“The level of scandal fatigue is so great it’s nearly impossible to get a negative reaction from the public anymore” said the official. [...] "Really, the vice president had no option but to bust a cap in someone’s ass in front of plenty witnesses.”

more here
posted by Davenhill at 2:47 PM on February 13, 2006

Two guys go on a secret hunting trip and one of them blows his load all over the other guy's face, neck and chest. Why have there not been any Brokeback Mountain jokes in this thread yet?

Alternately: Was Whittington wearing a blue dress at the time?

Jokes aside, the White House has finally (it wasn't there as of 2-3 hours ago, the last time I checked) posted the transcript of Scott McClellan's press briefing today.
posted by emelenjr at 2:48 PM on February 13, 2006

Whittington was not that far away--bird shot won't put you in the ICU at that range. Sting, yes, but this sounds more like about 15 feet

He's 78 years old. I think anything he does sends him to the ICU.
posted by smackfu at 3:15 PM on February 13, 2006

Flash simulation of the quail hunt.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:26 PM on February 13, 2006

I swear, everytime I hear a reporter say "the vice president accidentally shot a man" I get a surrealistic jolt.

Comedy gold, indeed.
posted by Skygazer at 3:46 PM on February 13, 2006

Why have there not been any Brokeback Mountain jokes in this thread yet?

Buckshot Mountain? ; >

He's 78 years old. I think anything he does sends him to the ICU.

And Cheney travels with one at all times.
posted by amberglow at 3:48 PM on February 13, 2006

CNN just said people are asking about the hunting license--what do you want to bet they've faked the paperwork already?
posted by amberglow at 4:26 PM on February 13, 2006

yup--he didn't have a license at all for Texas and was hunting illegally! hysterical!!!
posted by amberglow at 4:50 PM on February 13, 2006

"It takes a real dick to shoot an Austin attorney"
--billboard at El Arroyo on 5th Street in Austin
posted by lometogo at 5:07 PM on February 13, 2006

Also what the hell sort of medical terminology is "very stable"?? Very full of birdshot is more like it.
posted by Skygazer at 5:12 PM on February 13, 2006

this whole story is full of something, but birdshot is not it.
posted by amberglow at 5:15 PM on February 13, 2006

I am so looking forward to the comedy news shows this evening.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:21 PM on February 13, 2006

this whole story is full of something, but birdshot is not it.
posted by amberglow at 8:15 PM EST on February 13 [!]

Yeah....well tell that to Whittington.
posted by Skygazer at 5:38 PM on February 13, 2006

The Smoking Gun has the hunting accident report and the sheriff's office press release, which says no alcohol was involded. According to the accident report, they were both wearing blaze orange caps and coats/vests.
posted by kirkaracha at 5:45 PM on February 13, 2006

This is what our Vice President did to that man:
From a surgeon: What Cheney's victim may be facing ...I haven't examined Mr. Whittington, the man the Vice President shot, nor seen much detail on his case. But facial plastic surgery is what I do, and I have seen fairly awful traumas to the area. Both during residency in the US and as a volunteer in Kosovo, it's my judgment that it doesn't get a lot worse than a shotgun discharge to the face - few traumas cause pose a greater challenge to surgeons in my field.

Patients with shotgun injuries to the face need to be intubated and sedated at once. Protection of the airway is paramount because hemorrhaging is virtually certain. The primary concern here is aspiration of the hemorrhaged fluid. A secondary concern is emesis of ingested fluid from the fast bleeders in the area - particularly the superficial temporal artery, the angular artery, or the facial artery.

Once the patient is stabilized, the attending physician will examine, visually and by palpation, from the scalp downwards and outwards. He or she will be looking for bone fracture, nerve damage, asymmetry - that sort of thing. It's not typically possible to assess the sensory or motor functions of the face at this stage because the patient is unconscious - and this is probably why Mr. Whittington is in the ICU.

At this point I'd order radiographs to see how much damage is done, and ideally an MRI except that if they use steel shot in Texas, you can't do that. So a CT is probably indicated - lateral obliques through the orbits especially. The anatomy is complicated and fragile in the area, so you really need to be careful.

Finally, surgical repairs. The surgeon will carefully assess and reduce any jaw or bone fractures, debride any remaining shot, bone fragments, and soft tissue that can't be salvaged and then put any displaced but viable soft tissues back where they're supposed to go. And a 28 gauge round contains, depending on the shot size, somewhere between 200 and 400 individual pellets. For a surgery like that, I'd expect to be in the OR pretty much all day. This is not a 90 minute rhinoplasty. ...
posted by amberglow at 5:54 PM on February 13, 2006

I love that Texas has a special form for hunting accidents.
posted by Mitheral at 5:55 PM on February 13, 2006

I don't see how that surgeon's post is relevant, since it's describing a completely different injury than the one in this case. You shouldn't feel the need to post everything that alleges to be on your side because some of it isn't.
posted by smackfu at 6:07 PM on February 13, 2006

(Why no MRI if steel shot is used? My brain no work good today.)
posted by bardic at 6:18 PM on February 13, 2006

MRI can't be used if there is any magnetic material embedded in the body because the MRI machine would rip the steel out of the body causing even more damage.
posted by Mitheral at 6:20 PM on February 13, 2006

(OK, answered my own question I think.)

Firedoglake is, predictably, great on this story.

And the McClellan press conference today was comedy gold.

smackfu: That's a pretty decent Cheney impersonation you do.
posted by bardic at 6:23 PM on February 13, 2006

(Thanks Mitheral.)
posted by bardic at 6:24 PM on February 13, 2006

This story is so amazing. I caught two interesting things in the transcript of McClellan's press conference: (1) The "blame the victim" strategy wasn't just a slip-up by the ranch owner --- it is the official White House line [see first bold passage below]; and (2) a reporter cites a report from a sheriff's deputy who said the Secret Service refused to permit him to interview Cheney after the hunting accident [see second bold passage below].

MR. McCLELLAN: I think if you've got specifics about that, probably direct them to the Vice President's Office. I don't know all the specifics about it, but I think Mrs. Armstrong spoke publicly about how this incident occurred. And if I recall, she pointed out that the protocol was not followed by Mr. Whittington, when it came to notifying the others that he was there. And so, you know, unfortunately these types of hunting accidents happen from time to time. And all of us were most concerned about Mr. Whittington. And as I said, the Vice President was glad to see he was doing fine yesterday and that he's in good spirits. He is someone that many of us here know and have great respect for, and we look forward to him getting out of the hospital soon.

Q Scott, there's a report coming out of a Sheriff's deputy there who said that he was prevented from interviewing the Vice President by the Secret Service. Do you know anything about that? And is that appropriate?

MR. McCLELLAN: No, I don't know anything about that. You ought to direct that to the Secret Service. My understanding was that Secret Service took the appropriate steps to inform law enforcement. But, again, check with Secret Service.
posted by jayder at 6:34 PM on February 13, 2006

Ari Fleischer was friggin' Mark Antony compared to Scottie-boy.
posted by bardic at 6:38 PM on February 13, 2006

*conspiracy filter* -- Cheney gets an exit for some obvious reasons. Frist gets elevated to VP.

The pro-Iraq war, non-rational, anti-abortion absolutists of the Republican right have a nominee with all the power and money of the Vice Presidential office to run against some poor Democrat in the next election......

You read it here first.
posted by narebuc at 7:06 PM on February 13, 2006

rudepundit nails it, as always: Dick Cheney's Soul Pays a Visit:--Early Saturday evening, Dick Cheney's soul was given a brief furlough from Hell to visit the shell of a human being it used to inhabit. The occasion for the visit was that Dick Cheney, the man, was frozen in the well-managed wilds of the Armstrong ranch in southeast Texas, staring at the torn-up, bleeding face of Harry Whittington, having just been sprayed with birdshot from Dick Cheney's rifle.

No one knows exactly when Dick Cheney sold his soul to Satan: some say the Devil visited him in his hospital room during one or other of his heart attacks and offered Cheney the chance for that bum ticker to keep pumping; others believe Cheney himself conjured Ol' Scratch, perhaps to rescue his ass in 1992, when Bush I lost and left Cheney unemployed, but eminently connected, for, indeed, Halliburton is Satan's own multinational; maybe in exchange for wrecking John Tower back in 1988 so Cheney could become Secretary of Defense; maybe for his first election back in 1978, since the Devil's political agenda was Cheney's own. The most logical point in time is 1969, one of Lucifer's favorite years, when Cheney joined the Nixon administration; maybe further back, while waiting for draft deferment numbers 4 or 5. ...
posted by amberglow at 7:27 PM on February 13, 2006

and of course Rove is involved: It just gets better and better. Karl Rove had a chat with Katharine Armstrong, the Bush pioneer and estate owner, who was on the hunt and is the only eyewitness who has been allowed to talk to the press. Apparently within 90 minutes of the shooting.

And it was her idea to go to the press, right?
posted by amberglow at 7:39 PM on February 13, 2006

Y'know, this is about the funniest thing to happen in the US government for, oh, must be years.

Whittingdon was shot at about 30 yards. That's getting to the outer limit of the effective range for bird-shot.

And, honestly, the accident is largely due to carelessness and lack of skill. Whittingdon was a fool for not letting his posse know he was coming back in range, Cheney was unskilled in not identifying the danger more quickly than he could pull the trigger, and they were all damn fools for being girly-men who can't even hunt for gamebird without having someone import the damn things in cages.

Ship of fools.

And very, very funny. Couldn't happen to nicer folk, I'm sure.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:53 PM on February 13, 2006

To me, this is totally analogous to blow jobs in the oval office. I mean, I'm as convinced as the next guy that Cheney is the Dark Prince of Evil, but really - this strikes me as an accident at best, incompetence at worst, not really all that applicable to his performance as or qualifications for his office. Ditto Clinton and Monica. The crimes in question even fit the stereotypes of the perpetrators - Clinton as a womanizing player, and Cheney as a quick-to-anger thug.

Note, however, the difference in the responses, from the public, the press, and the ladies and gentlemen across the aisle.
posted by fingers_of_fire at 7:54 PM on February 13, 2006

OMG: "Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him."

-- Former Reagan press secretary and gun control advocate Jim Brady, in a press release, referring to Cheney's accidental shooting of a hunting companion.
posted by amberglow at 8:02 PM on February 13, 2006

Confirmed: firedoglake has an excellent writeup, including lots of gun facts that play heavily into this story.

F'rinstance, Cheney's 28-gauge gun produces a tighter pattern than 12-gauge, which means there's less spread at range. Interesting choice of gun, too.

Anyway, well worth reading, all y'all.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:04 PM on February 13, 2006

I'd be willing to bet this becomes a metaphor for the administration.

Especially if conspiracy theorists saw it as an attempt to eliminate someone who knew a little too much. The Bush II whitehouse can't even create a conspiracy effectively.
posted by pembleton at 8:06 PM on February 13, 2006

Jon Stewart and co. just knocked one out of the park in the opening minutes of The Daily Show tonight. Good stuff...
posted by emelenjr at 8:13 PM on February 13, 2006

That poor man, Mr. Whittington. He's really taking a beating from his hunting buddies (this is from the latest NYT article on the incident):

Ms. Armstrong and Ms. Willeford said the accident was largely the fault of Mr. Whittington, who had reappeared alongside two of his hunting companions without giving proper warning. Mr. Cheney, who was carrying a 28-gauge shotgun, had already begun to fire and sprayed Mr. Whittington.

"He got peppered pretty good," Ms. Armstrong said. "He fell with his head toward me." She said she ran over to Mr. Whittington, who had fallen to the ground, but stayed out of the way while Secret Service agents tended to him.

"There was some bleeding, but it wasn't horrible," she said. "He was more bruised."

Ms. Willeford, whose husband was also at the ranch, said in an interview after visiting the victim at the hospital that Mr. Whittington accepted responsibility for the accident. "He understands that he could have handled it better," Ms. Willeford said. "Harry should have let us know he was back there."
posted by jayder at 8:18 PM on February 13, 2006

posted by dgaicun at 8:52 PM on February 13, 2006

it's unbelievable that they can't take responsibility for anything--even when it's clearly their fault. Was the guy supposed to yell, scaring the birds away? He was behind Cheney!
posted by amberglow at 9:00 PM on February 13, 2006

so, were the words "fuck off" uttered

That's "go fuck yourself."

Which, by the way, you should do (you old coot).
posted by scarabic at 9:00 PM on February 13, 2006

and that was on the Senate floor.

Molly Ivins: Cheney Shoots a Texas Liberal

which brings up Halliburton and their new contract for detention centers: Detention Camp Jitters
posted by amberglow at 9:40 PM on February 13, 2006

I've never seen so many cheap shots in one thread.
Fortunately, no permit is required for fully automatic Schadenfreude.
posted by the Real Dan at 10:18 PM on February 13, 2006

something quite strange about this witness's account:

"He fell with his head toward me." She said she ran over to Mr. Whittington, who had fallen to the ground, but stayed out of the way while Secret Service agents tended to him.

"There was some bleeding, but it wasn't horrible," she said. "He was more bruised."

if she ran over but stayed out of the way, how then did she get to see the 'bruises' (presumably under his clothing) let alone traces of the magically non-horrible bleeding? i'm assuming she hasn't yet had a chance to see under his hospital bandages (as he's still stuck in intensive care).

to say it's lacking truthiness would be an understatement.
posted by rodney stewart at 10:19 PM on February 13, 2006

the Real Dan writes "I've never seen so many cheap shots in one thread."

Well that's going to happen when you have the Vice President of "World's Police" shooting people.
posted by Mitheral at 6:47 AM on February 14, 2006

CNN's compilation of late-night snark.
posted by brain_drain at 7:17 AM on February 14, 2006

The Daily Show's take on Cheney [QuickTime and Windows Media].
posted by ericb at 7:40 AM on February 14, 2006

Cheney cited for breaking Texas hunting law.
posted by ericb at 7:41 AM on February 14, 2006

I like how Cheney's spokesperson just refers reporters to the ranch owner, who instead of saying that Cheney shot someone, says that the guy near Cheney "got peppered pretty good." (Adding "You know, I've been peppered pretty well myself!")

Our local paper (Raleigh News & Observer) reported him as being "sprayed with buckshot." Sounds so gentle, doesn't it? Sprayed...like water

I have so many questions about the protocol. The mind reels at the possibility of Cheney hunting with Bush. Would the Secret Service have taken the hit? Would they shoot back? If Cheney killed Bush-- accidentally--would he automatically be President? I see a scenerio of Cheney's Secret Service taking on Bush's Secret Service so that their guy could be crowned King.


My very first thought after reading the report was "78 years old and still with blood lust, ugh."
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:01 AM on February 14, 2006

He didn't buy the proper hunting stamp? Is there no law so small that it won't be ignored by this administration.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:44 AM on February 14, 2006

CNN: Dr. David Blanchard, the emergency room chief at Christus Spohn, said Whittington was hit by "many, many" pellets. But he said most of the wounds were "superficial at best," and many of the pellets would be left inside Whittington's body.

"Superficial wounds" that require that pellets be "left in the body"?? WTF? That doesn't even make any sense. Can they make it more obvious that every single statement being issued by that hospital is being cleared by Karl Rove's office.
posted by Skygazer at 9:04 AM on February 14, 2006

That Whittington, he's no Herzog.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:54 AM on February 14, 2006

Skygazer, the doctor says that most of the wounds were "superficial at best," which sounds like a lot of them were much worse.

And as usual, much of the media is on its back with all four legs in the air, calling it a peppering or a spraying, instead of what it is, a boneheaded shooting.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 10:08 AM on February 14, 2006

YouTube Daily Show Link
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 10:20 AM on February 14, 2006

breaking news - Whittington has been moved back to intensive care - at least one pellet migrated to the heart and he had some kind of incident - atrial fib, I think - on TV now.
posted by madamjujujive at 10:26 AM on February 14, 2006

So much for merely being sprayed and "superficial wounds".
posted by ericb at 10:28 AM on February 14, 2006

Docs press conference: he had cardiac catheterization - "bb" is lodged in a certain area, caused inflammatory changes, caused atrial fib. Can't pinpoint exactly where it is - they know the general area of the heart. (The docs are calling it a "BB" not a pellet.)
posted by madamjujujive at 10:32 AM on February 14, 2006

... referring to it as a silent or asymptiomatic heart attack.
posted by madamjujujive at 10:33 AM on February 14, 2006

Get ready for the Metafilter after-party.
posted by shoos at 10:34 AM on February 14, 2006

Pops corn, pulls up chair.
posted by grateful at 10:37 AM on February 14, 2006

So, if he dies, then what is that. Involuntary manslaughter? Does anyone know legally what the implications could/should be?
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 10:39 AM on February 14, 2006

Chappaquid, Dick?
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:40 AM on February 14, 2006

oh shit. i feel for the poor guy. Talk about taking a bullet for the team.

i'm sure they've calculated to the minute how long it takes the American public to forget something. Domestic Spying? Last week's news.
posted by Miles Long at 10:42 AM on February 14, 2006

I wanted to link this article from WaPo's movie critic and fellow hunter Stephen Hunter. Accidents happen, but Cheney broke the cardinal rule of staying directed at "the line."

But now I'm going to look up some stuff on manslaughter laws in Texas.
posted by bardic at 10:43 AM on February 14, 2006

(And what is it with Bush, Texas, and the dangerous company he keeps?)
posted by bardic at 10:46 AM on February 14, 2006

CNN - Hunter shot by Cheney has 'minor heart attack'
posted by madamjujujive at 10:47 AM on February 14, 2006

(The docs are calling it a "BB" not a pellet.)

Is there a diff?
posted by smackfu at 10:57 AM on February 14, 2006

Cheney's heart problems are now contagious, via airborne transmission.
posted by brain_drain at 10:58 AM on February 14, 2006

Bush-Quail '06
posted by ericb at 11:08 AM on February 14, 2006

David Letterman's Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses.
posted by ericb at 11:10 AM on February 14, 2006

Is there a diff?

Diameter. Also: radius and circumfrence.

Surface area. Lots of differences, now that I think about it.
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:11 AM on February 14, 2006

can you elaborate sonofsiam ? and which is the appropriate term here?
posted by madamjujujive at 11:15 AM on February 14, 2006

I bet Rove's wishing that guy had died on Sat. so it could have been kept quiet entirely, instead of this slow thing.
posted by amberglow at 11:15 AM on February 14, 2006

Regarding the humor in this incident...not only on MeFi, the late night shows, but also the White House:

Looking for the humor

Just before the latest news on Whittington's health, the White House had apparently decided that the best way to deal with the incident was to joke about it.

President Bush’s spokesman quipped Tuesday that the burnt orange school colors of the University of Texas championship football team that was visiting the White House shouldn’t be confused for hunter’s safety wear.

“The orange that they’re wearing is not because they’re concerned that the vice president may be there,” joked White House press secretary Scott McClellan, following the lead of late-night television comedians. “That’s why I’m wearing it.”

The president’s brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, took a similar jab after slapping an orange sticker on his chest from the Florida Farm Bureau that read, “No Farmers, No Food.”

“I’m a little concerned that Dick Cheney is going to walk in,” the governor cracked during an appearance in Tampa Monday.

Although, something tells me if Whittington's health worsens beyond the heart attack, there will be a shift in tenor.
posted by ericb at 11:24 AM on February 14, 2006

madamjj: sorry, I was just kidding around. You can buy different diameters of shot for different game, but they are all just little metal balls.
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:26 AM on February 14, 2006

Chappaquid, Dick?

*chokes on pretzel*
posted by quonsar at 11:38 AM on February 14, 2006

Sometimes I miss Dan Quayle, Cheney, he just misses Quail.
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 11:38 AM on February 14, 2006

video clip of target shot from 90 ft with a similar gauge shotgun.
posted by madamjujujive at 11:41 AM on February 14, 2006

White House spokesman Scott McClellan did not mention Whittington’s medical condition at his daily briefing an hour before the hospital press conference, though he said later he was informed of the heart attack just before he spoke to reporters.
“It’s not my place to do that,” McClellan said when asked why he didn’t address the subject.

WTF Scotty?
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:45 AM on February 14, 2006

With the almost 24-hour delay in informing the media and public about the accident, and now with the White House (via McClellan) failing to mention in this afternoon's daily briefing that Whittington had had a heart attack this morning it is clear that this is a White House that can't shoot straight!
posted by ericb at 11:55 AM on February 14, 2006

Here's the transcript of this afterrnon's press briefing (12:18 p.m. - 12:45 p.m.). Not a mention of the heart attack or change in health status of Whittington.

BTW -- I notice from the header of the transcript that the White House briefing room is called the "James S. Brady Briefing Room ." How ironic.
posted by ericb at 11:58 AM on February 14, 2006

White House Cover-Up: McClellan Conceals Heart Attack From Press.
posted by ericb at 12:14 PM on February 14, 2006

Katharine Armstrong here saying Whittington was known to have a pre-accident heart condition:

"The first thing that crossed my mind was he had a heart problem," she told The Associated Press.
posted by rodney stewart at 12:15 PM on February 14, 2006

Was Cheney Drunk?
posted by ericb at 12:16 PM on February 14, 2006

Video of a photographer from the Corpus Christi Caller-Times shooting a human-sized target from 90 feet with a 28-gauge shotgun.
posted by kirkaracha at 12:20 PM on February 14, 2006

According to the transcript, Scotty was pretty testy in the briefing today. Also, he seems to have a full-on spat going with David Gregory of NBC News. They had a argument in the off-camera briefing yesterday and some more words today.

I wonder if the White House will get around to posting today's briefing video. Ever.
posted by smackfu at 12:25 PM on February 14, 2006

The 78-year-old lawyer who was accidentally shot by Vice President Dick Cheney on Saturday suffered a mild heart attack today after bird shot migrated to his heart, doctors in South Texas said, and he underwent a successful catheterization to determine the extent of the damage.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 12:41 PM on February 14, 2006

"Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better."
-Dick Cheney
posted by Mijo Bijo at 12:54 PM on February 14, 2006

All joking and loathing of the Creep Veep aside. I hope Whittington survives this. Damn.
posted by Skygazer at 12:54 PM on February 14, 2006

Thx Kirth Gerson. That got by me.
posted by Skygazer at 1:02 PM on February 14, 2006

Amen skygazer. But even Bush is joking about it--these guys have no shame, and Cheney really thought he could shoot a human being in the face and just brush it under the rug. Unbelievable. "Culture of life" my ass.
posted by bardic at 1:08 PM on February 14, 2006

"Now Harry, Harry, Harry," Rove said. "Let's not get carried away here. You don't want to disrespect the Vice President now, do you?" Does anyone other than me think Whittington might have been pressured into announcing he wouldn't be talking to the press?
posted by emelenjr at 1:21 PM on February 14, 2006

Cheney Shoots Man, Administration Screws Us
posted by homunculus at 1:31 PM on February 14, 2006

But even Bush is joking about it--these guys have no shame

No, they're just human. Everyone is joking about it. Cheney's a laughing stock.
posted by crunchland at 1:47 PM on February 14, 2006

In Maine, hunting accidents are rarely prosecuted, even when there is gross negligence. In the rare case that a hunter's negligence is prosecuted as manslaughter, conviction is quite rare. I would be very surprised if this was prosecuted in Texas, more surprised if there was a conviction. The lack of police/sheriff investigation and blood alcohol tests is evidence that this administration believes it is above the law. I hope the media investigate instead of reporting White House spin, but I'm not holding my breath.

I really hope Whittington is okay. At any age age, and especially at 78, a load of birdshot in the face is pretty nasty. No wonder the guy had a heart attack.
posted by theora55 at 1:48 PM on February 14, 2006

smackfu writes "Is there a diff?"

BB to me implies a single, low mass (copper or plastic) ball fired without much energy from a spring or air powered rifle.

kirkaracha writes "28-gauge shotgun."

Thanks for getting this right even if your link didn't (0.28 guage, what are they hunting, cockroaches?), I can't believe how many stories use 0.28 guage or .28 guage .28 caliber or 28 caliber. The first report I read that mention the type of gun said .28 caliber and I was all "Texans hunt quail with handguns? WTF?".
posted by Mitheral at 2:54 PM on February 14, 2006

No, they're just human. Everyone is joking about it. Cheney's a laughing stock.
posted by crunchland at 1:47 PM PST on February 14 [!]

disgusting.
posted by Miles Long at 2:58 PM on February 14, 2006

No, Miles, human.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:28 PM on February 14, 2006

firedoglake has the blowback from the lies: ...Whittington's friends question whether the pellets could have penetrated his layers of clothing and skin at that range. Yet two pellets lodged against his larynx, another was in his liver, and another migrated into the heart muscle, causing the heart attack. The pattern of wounds was between the lower chest and the forehead, a pretty tight zone for shot of 30 yards. If the range was considerably less than 30 yards, then it is likely that Whittington's injuries were worse than the initial statement by Katharine Armstrong indicated. (The blast "knocked him silly," but "he was fine.") ...
posted by amberglow at 7:52 PM on February 14, 2006

disgusting.
posted by Miles Long at 2:58 PM PST on February 14 [!]

Gallows humor - very human behavior.

But if you find having a laugh at the suffering of other humans 'disgusting', by all means feel free to post the same when people crack jokes on Free Republic or Little Green Footballs about suffering Iraqi/Nigerian/Afgastanies/Poor/et la.

Be sure to provide us all links to show us all how even handed you are, because you are not a hypocrite.
posted by rough ashlar at 10:37 PM on February 14, 2006