if it wasnt for the internet i couldnt even dress myself

September 12, 2006 8:12 PM

today I learned (learnt?) how to exercise while sitting at my computer, keep an open mind, have a conversation, taste dark chocolate, give foot massages and draw a duck. what did you learn?
posted by petsounds (28 comments total)

Lordy, I hate WikiHow. The article on "How to write a good comic book" made me kick my wall violently, as the author was not available.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 8:26 PM on September 12, 2006

I learned that tasting dark chocolate is way too fucking complicated for me. I'll stick to my plain Hershey's, thanks.
posted by danb at 8:28 PM on September 12, 2006

Learned. good post! I set Wikihow as one of the modules on my Google homepage a few months back and have learned How to Survive a Long Fall, How to Be Photogenic, and How to Run up a Wall and Flip. I have not, however, done any of these things.
posted by LarryC at 8:31 PM on September 12, 2006

I like how one of the things the "keep an open mind" article advocates learning about is swinging. Open legs = open mind!
posted by papakwanz at 8:35 PM on September 12, 2006

How to Survive a Long Fall... and How to Run up a Wall and Flip

Why do I suspect that the authors of those articles are just pulling a sick practical joke...
posted by gsteff at 8:35 PM on September 12, 2006

I learned how to search the metafilter archives.
posted by dersins at 8:35 PM on September 12, 2006

How to Know if Your Boyfriend Is a Gigolo. Is he constantly 'bragging' about the great money he earns through being a 'gigolo'?
posted by tellurian at 8:41 PM on September 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

I agree that the dark chocolate article was nauseatingly pretentious gourmand-wannabe stuff, but on the other hand Hershey's chocolate is just plain nauseating -- only people who've grown up with it can stand it. While they no longer make it with sour milk, they still add a sour milk flavor to it which Americans no longer notice but foreigners tend to despise.

This despite their reputed effectiveness in enticing European women to sleep with GIs in WWII. But then if you hadn't tasted chocolate or much of anything else but boiled cabbage and lard for the last three or four years, I imagine Hershey's would taste pretty damn good.
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:07 PM on September 12, 2006

Shesh, it ain't rocket science
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 9:08 PM on September 12, 2006

DO NOT CALL IF YOU ARE NERVOUS
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:18 PM on September 12, 2006

Thank you Holy foxy... Finally! I was plagued with confusion before but now - now I can...!

Warning: Do not try this if you are a complete smeg-head and have the charisma of a stalking leprechaun, or the charm of a service 500 mechanoid that has just broken his programming.

Goddamnit!
posted by Stauf at 9:19 PM on September 12, 2006

LOL! thats actually good advice though. it pains me to think of the number of times ive come off as an awkward retard because i called when i was too nervous..
posted by petsounds at 9:20 PM on September 12, 2006

Try not to text or call them too often in case they start thinking you're stalking them.
posted by gsteff at 9:22 PM on September 12, 2006

I like the eHow portion of the site better. The comments are really useful. I learned lots of ways to vary push ups & pull ups from the comments. Also, from the articles, I learned the difference between a Chin-Up and Pull-Up. OOOoooo.

Ok. I'm going going to text some girls now and, God-willing, I'll have some MSN messenger contacts by the end of the night!!!
posted by eli_d at 9:39 PM on September 12, 2006

This is for when you get the date.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 9:43 PM on September 12, 2006

How to clean flip flops.
posted by jefbla at 9:49 PM on September 12, 2006

Contact Kirshna. I searched for "contact aliens" and this was the first result. I would have preferred what I searched for.
posted by Kickstart70 at 9:52 PM on September 12, 2006

Call people. Ask them for advice. Tell them about your flip flops. Material, style, anything that might help! You'll get great advice.

I can always count on my friends to help me out when I'm in a serious jam like this one!
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 10:00 PM on September 12, 2006

From the chocolate article:

Sometimes it is advised to even rub the chocolate briefly between your fingers to coax the flavor.

Oh come on.

From the open mind article:

Learn to write with the hand you do not write with. Change your computer keyboard setting to Dvorak and type away! Or try to do other things with the wrong hand...how about ping-pong?

I heard if you do "other things" with the wrong hand it feels like someone else!
posted by Ynoxas at 10:25 PM on September 12, 2006

Jeez. Too much information on the internet. It's like you need a whole week to make the most of it. And I don't have that long.
posted by diastematic at 11:02 PM on September 12, 2006

why bother
posted by lightweight at 11:03 PM on September 12, 2006

I learned Sharepoint 2007 administration.

I also learned I don't like administering Sharepoint 2007.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:09 PM on September 12, 2006

My favourite has to be How To Survive A Freestyle Rap Battle. Genius!
posted by TheDonF at 11:15 PM on September 12, 2006

Learnt. Unless you're in America.
posted by twine42 at 11:28 PM on September 12, 2006

This despite their reputed effectiveness in enticing European women to sleep with GIs in WWII.

And the tradition persists today. All those Jamaican men who hang around, waiting to sleep with fat, plain, middle-aged American chicks at resorts like Hedonism are really only doing so because of the prospect of getting their lips around a fat chunk of Hersheys
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:53 PM on September 13, 2006 [1 favorite]

learnt.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:42 AM on September 14, 2006

I learned how to set up NIO permanent server connects to a remote client with Glassfish. Yeah, that may look like it doesn't make any sense, so I'll rewrite it: I learned how to do Web 3.0.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:29 AM on September 14, 2006

I didn't really think Hershey's chocolate was all that bad, but (a) I grew up with it and (b) I like to smoke Latakia tobacco, so I hereby disqualify myself as having a discriminating palate. But if you want to rag on Hershey's for having nauseating product, buddy roo, you ain't lived until you've had yourself some of this. My dad remembered eating it as one of the singular wartime experiences that didn't involve getting shot at, and one day he found some for sale in a mail-order catalog and got it for us to sample. Urg. "The price of freedom," indeed...
posted by pax digita at 5:02 AM on September 14, 2006