Read this column before you die
November 2, 2008 7:38 PM Subscribe
I thought it said "read this column or you die" and I quickly clicked on it. I guess I am superstitious on a timescale of 1 second but rational on a timescale of 5 seconds.
I thought it was a bit silly , ranting about something that doesn't seem all that culturally relevant. However I did enjoy the penultimate paragraph about the list books the author would like to read.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 7:48 PM on November 2, 2008
I thought it was a bit silly , ranting about something that doesn't seem all that culturally relevant. However I did enjoy the penultimate paragraph about the list books the author would like to read.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 7:48 PM on November 2, 2008
every writer using tired old phrases like before you die or will change your life* deserves to be hung upside down in a playground filled with sadistic, dyslexic children who just got handed pliers. "he killed santa, kids."
posted by krautland at 7:55 PM on November 2, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by krautland at 7:55 PM on November 2, 2008 [3 favorites]
you could eat at every restaurant in the world and see every exotic wonderland and read a million great works of art and still be quite a miserable spiritually vacant neoconservative jackass with a world-class photo album and the soul of a cockroach.
He stole that line from me.
posted by nola at 8:02 PM on November 2, 2008
He stole that line from me.
posted by nola at 8:02 PM on November 2, 2008
Good reaction against all lists that are creeping on us everywhere. Even the Guardian jumps in the game with 1000 works of art to see before you die. No, I won't link to it. Pathetic. Are people and media so desperate to get on del.icio.us/popular/?
posted by bru at 8:05 PM on November 2, 2008
posted by bru at 8:05 PM on November 2, 2008
So much for my plan to write "1000 Top Ten Lists to Digg Before You Die."
posted by Foosnark at 8:07 PM on November 2, 2008 [5 favorites]
posted by Foosnark at 8:07 PM on November 2, 2008 [5 favorites]
Why would you even start on any of these lists if you die when you're done?
posted by netbros at 8:13 PM on November 2, 2008 [5 favorites]
posted by netbros at 8:13 PM on November 2, 2008 [5 favorites]
I'm surprised I haven't read one of these disgusted critiques of 1,001 (virtually impossible) places to go, things to try, dishes to imbibe, pleasures in which to engage, sights to see, etc. before you die before now. Leave it to the mordant Morford to do it. (And please don't neglect to visit his SF Chronicle comrade Jon Carroll if you're wasting your time on fun foggy city columnists. He's a little less in your face, a little subtler, and sometimes a little funnier.)
99.9% of us would like to be a little happier and more optimistic about the state of this tragically decaying planet (at least in terms of what we homo sapiens are used to) before we die. A ride on the almost extinct merry-go-rounds that used to be a staple of city parks would be nice. Another few hours in the hammock with a brand new Haruki Murakami novel would be bliss. A week in a meditation retreat with a hot springs in Northern New Mexico (Bodhi Mandala Zen Center) would suit me; others might choose a week-long binge with all of the drugs of their choice.
None of these appear (I'm making an informed guess here) in any of the books Morford makes fun of. These books are for the armchair travelers (count me in: I love Paul Theroux), and the very rich.
There is nothing but you and your friends and your family and your coworkers and the people you meet on the street and how much love you can give them. And maybe Tuesday's election.
posted by kozad at 8:15 PM on November 2, 2008 [7 favorites]
99.9% of us would like to be a little happier and more optimistic about the state of this tragically decaying planet (at least in terms of what we homo sapiens are used to) before we die. A ride on the almost extinct merry-go-rounds that used to be a staple of city parks would be nice. Another few hours in the hammock with a brand new Haruki Murakami novel would be bliss. A week in a meditation retreat with a hot springs in Northern New Mexico (Bodhi Mandala Zen Center) would suit me; others might choose a week-long binge with all of the drugs of their choice.
None of these appear (I'm making an informed guess here) in any of the books Morford makes fun of. These books are for the armchair travelers (count me in: I love Paul Theroux), and the very rich.
There is nothing but you and your friends and your family and your coworkers and the people you meet on the street and how much love you can give them. And maybe Tuesday's election.
posted by kozad at 8:15 PM on November 2, 2008 [7 favorites]
I skimmed it.
posted by _aa_ at 8:28 PM on November 2, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by _aa_ at 8:28 PM on November 2, 2008 [2 favorites]
I think I would read 100 Jon Carroll columns before a Mark Morford column. Maybe more.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 8:29 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 8:29 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
Another few hours in the hammock with a brand new Haruki Murakami novel .. None of these appear (I'm making an informed guess here) in any of the books Morford makes fun of.
Haruki Murakami, #28 on the 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die
These books are for the armchair travelers
The 100 Greatest Adventure Books of All Time
posted by stbalbach at 8:36 PM on November 2, 2008 [2 favorites]
Haruki Murakami, #28 on the 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die
These books are for the armchair travelers
The 100 Greatest Adventure Books of All Time
posted by stbalbach at 8:36 PM on November 2, 2008 [2 favorites]
I thought it said "read this column or you die" and I quickly clicked on it.
That's funny because I read it, "read this column AND you die," so I clicked on the link but immediately went back.
...so, does not reading this column mean that I will never die?...
AT LAST, I HAVE MASTERED IMMORTALITY!
posted by humannaire at 8:45 PM on November 2, 2008
That's funny because I read it, "read this column AND you die," so I clicked on the link but immediately went back.
...so, does not reading this column mean that I will never die?...
AT LAST, I HAVE MASTERED IMMORTALITY!
posted by humannaire at 8:45 PM on November 2, 2008
I find Morford to be almost entirely unreadable, but this column certainly resonated with me.
posted by Autarky at 8:48 PM on November 2, 2008
posted by Autarky at 8:48 PM on November 2, 2008
td;dr
posted by troy at 8:53 PM on November 2, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by troy at 8:53 PM on November 2, 2008 [2 favorites]
Peak Experience Chasing is a game of Diminishing returns. How much better is this compared to this? How good is this? Could the sunset use a little more red? How do you know if you're really enjoying something unless you can put a number to it? You after all deserve the Best, so how do you know if you're getting it?
I'd like to spin some armchair babble about what it all means, but these books follow the reality show/spam/ economic model. They're so cheap and easy to make that they almost can't loose money.
posted by The Whelk at 8:57 PM on November 2, 2008
I'd like to spin some armchair babble about what it all means, but these books follow the reality show/spam/ economic model. They're so cheap and easy to make that they almost can't loose money.
posted by The Whelk at 8:57 PM on November 2, 2008
If these books really wanted to be helpful, they'd contain algorithms for generating your own, personally appropriate lists.
'Course then we'd get a glut of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" ripoffs that all carry basically the same information presented in ways that appeal to a specific target audience, including those who must have OMGNEWSTUFF or else they won't even read the blurb.
Nothing popular is worth reading.
posted by LogicalDash at 9:08 PM on November 2, 2008
'Course then we'd get a glut of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" ripoffs that all carry basically the same information presented in ways that appeal to a specific target audience, including those who must have OMGNEWSTUFF or else they won't even read the blurb.
Nothing popular is worth reading.
posted by LogicalDash at 9:08 PM on November 2, 2008
Favourite this comment 1001 times before you die.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:11 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:11 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
kozad: "Thanks for harshing my mellow, stbalbach."
sorry, too good to pass. I guess there is a D&D list for everything ("Do and Die")
posted by stbalbach at 9:22 PM on November 2, 2008
sorry, too good to pass. I guess there is a D&D list for everything ("Do and Die")
posted by stbalbach at 9:22 PM on November 2, 2008
Favourite this comment 1001 times before you die.
Alas, I can only favourite it once. And even that seems like too much hard work. Think of all the other comments I could be favouriting!
posted by crossoverman at 9:37 PM on November 2, 2008
Alas, I can only favourite it once. And even that seems like too much hard work. Think of all the other comments I could be favouriting!
posted by crossoverman at 9:37 PM on November 2, 2008
I dunno, sometimes it's good to have goals. I've been making a list myself, 101 goals in 1001 days. Some of them are silly, like watching the entire run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and some are more serious, like paying off my consumer debt. But having everything written down in one place can be a good motivator.
Some of my friends made similar lists and they are making progress and doing lots of cool stuff. What's so wrong with that?
I realize that the books Morford references are a bit diffrerent, inasmuch that I'm making my own personal set of goals, but no one ever went broke underestimating the lack of creativity and search for direction from the general public.
posted by sugarfish at 9:39 PM on November 2, 2008
Some of my friends made similar lists and they are making progress and doing lots of cool stuff. What's so wrong with that?
I realize that the books Morford references are a bit diffrerent, inasmuch that I'm making my own personal set of goals, but no one ever went broke underestimating the lack of creativity and search for direction from the general public.
posted by sugarfish at 9:39 PM on November 2, 2008
He is an awful writer and like so many opinion columnists, seems to be inventing a problem just to have something to rage against. Sure I guess the lists are a little obnoxious, but encouraging people to have adventures is a problem that needs 7000 words thrown at it? Really?
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:46 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:46 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
I made it halfwa
posted by felix betachat at 9:49 PM on November 2, 2008
posted by felix betachat at 9:49 PM on November 2, 2008
I wonder if anybody who reads any of those kinds of books actually goes through the entire list? Or do they just read up on the albums, books & places that they've ticked off themselves? I know that's what I do.
Speaking of which, I actually keep a retrospective list of UNESCO World Heritage sites that I've visited. I think I cracked the 100 mark a few trips ago.
This has helped my personal development immensely. Without all those sites visited, I wouldn't be the miserable spiritually vacant neoconservative jackass with a world-class photo album and the soul of a cockroach that you see before you today.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:54 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
Speaking of which, I actually keep a retrospective list of UNESCO World Heritage sites that I've visited. I think I cracked the 100 mark a few trips ago.
This has helped my personal development immensely. Without all those sites visited, I wouldn't be the miserable spiritually vacant neoconservative jackass with a world-class photo album and the soul of a cockroach that you see before you today.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:54 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
Mark Morford annoys the crap out of me. Even when he starts with a halfway decent point, he somehow manages to destroy any fellow feeling I might have by the time he reaches the cliched, sanctimonious ending he manages to tack onto every article. Ick.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 10:07 PM on November 2, 2008 [4 favorites]
posted by The Light Fantastic at 10:07 PM on November 2, 2008 [4 favorites]
I've done far more than 1,000 incredible awesome things and I am not ready to die. These people that write these books, clearly that haven't expected me and my life.
posted by Freen at 10:27 PM on November 2, 2008
posted by Freen at 10:27 PM on November 2, 2008
Favourite this comment 1001 times before you die.
If your success in this endeavor in the hour since you posted it is any indication, we're all going to die.
And now, back to work on my exciting new article "1,001 things you should avoid reading about, lest you waste some of your precious time left before you die."
posted by davejay at 10:30 PM on November 2, 2008
If your success in this endeavor in the hour since you posted it is any indication, we're all going to die.
And now, back to work on my exciting new article "1,001 things you should avoid reading about, lest you waste some of your precious time left before you die."
posted by davejay at 10:30 PM on November 2, 2008
Mark Morford annoys the crap out of me. Even when he starts with a halfway decent point, he somehow manages to destroy any fellow feeling I might have by the time he reaches the cliched, sanctimonious ending he manages to tack onto every article. Ick.
I'd never heard of the man before, but do I ever agree. And not one but two different author pics, sandwiching the column? Really? Even that might be forgiveable if one of them wasn't the "piercing gaze behind hands folded, prayer-like, in contemplation" - ha, even the image name is "headshotprayer".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:49 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
I'd never heard of the man before, but do I ever agree. And not one but two different author pics, sandwiching the column? Really? Even that might be forgiveable if one of them wasn't the "piercing gaze behind hands folded, prayer-like, in contemplation" - ha, even the image name is "headshotprayer".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 10:49 PM on November 2, 2008 [1 favorite]
I have 1001 Movies To See Before You Die, a gift I've been avidly tagging up.
Then my housemate brought home 1000 Films to Change Your Life. Yep. Because after you've totally changed your life, there's just one more thing to do, and that's watch... Ringu, right?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:04 AM on November 3, 2008
Then my housemate brought home 1000 Films to Change Your Life. Yep. Because after you've totally changed your life, there's just one more thing to do, and that's watch... Ringu, right?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:04 AM on November 3, 2008
Does anyone know when did the individual fear of death become a collective fear of death?
You have to be at least 50 years old to answer this question
posted by fullerine at 12:22 AM on November 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
You have to be at least 50 years old to answer this question
posted by fullerine at 12:22 AM on November 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
or...
thou shalt not be a dick
wrote this comment before
posted by kliuless at 12:36 AM on November 3, 2008
thou shalt not be a dick
wrote this comment before
posted by kliuless at 12:36 AM on November 3, 2008
Well, that was a precious few minutes of my life spent that I could have otherwise used on achieving one of the 1001 things that I need to do before I die. But then, I live at the top-end of a 65 km long UNESCO World Heritage site, so I guess it evens out.
I mean, he's right. Such lists are pointless distractions. By the same standard, so was his article. But then, he got paid for it just like those list-books' authors, so I guess that evens out too.
posted by moonbiter at 12:56 AM on November 3, 2008
I mean, he's right. Such lists are pointless distractions. By the same standard, so was his article. But then, he got paid for it just like those list-books' authors, so I guess that evens out too.
posted by moonbiter at 12:56 AM on November 3, 2008
a miserable spiritually vacant neoconservative jackass with a world-class photo album and the soul of a cockroach
but the soul of a cockroach may be the soul of a vers libre poet too will you post this for me boss I cannot handle a mouse too good
posted by Phanx at 1:19 AM on November 3, 2008 [7 favorites]
but the soul of a cockroach may be the soul of a vers libre poet too will you post this for me boss I cannot handle a mouse too good
posted by Phanx at 1:19 AM on November 3, 2008 [7 favorites]
No. I got better things to do.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:34 AM on November 3, 2008
posted by From Bklyn at 1:34 AM on November 3, 2008
The article sucked. I want my thirty seconds back, goddammit.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:03 AM on November 3, 2008
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:03 AM on November 3, 2008
If somebody would come up with a well considered compendium of 1,001 places to postpone seeing until after I die then I would be an enthusiastic buyer. Beyond the veil one ceases to have so many time pressures and travel becomes a whole lot more straightforward.
posted by rongorongo at 3:11 AM on November 3, 2008
posted by rongorongo at 3:11 AM on November 3, 2008
What bugs me about these lists is, as he hints at, the kind of feeling of constantly living in the future. "Before you die..." indicates to me that you'll read these books and go to these places in a search for some never-ending future in which you put off death/living in the moment until you're done. And then you're done and then what? Can you actually start enjoying YOUR LIFE once you've read all those books? What if you read 1,001 books that someone else thinks are necessary and you think that 800 of them suck?
I don't want someone else telling me what experiences are necessary for MY life. And I like enjoying things on an individual basis. I have a list of books I want to read, movies I want to watch, and places I want to go - and yet, I still return to old favorites out of a joy of living in the present which involves revisiting and re-experiencing past joys.
Anyway, my point is that basically that I think we should collectively - in the words of the great philosopher Wayne Campbell - LIVE IN THE NOW.
Yeah, eventually I'll die, and in the meantime I'm gonna read a bunch of books that I LIKE and go places that interest me, even if those places are only as exotic as "the bookstore down the street."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:44 AM on November 3, 2008
I don't want someone else telling me what experiences are necessary for MY life. And I like enjoying things on an individual basis. I have a list of books I want to read, movies I want to watch, and places I want to go - and yet, I still return to old favorites out of a joy of living in the present which involves revisiting and re-experiencing past joys.
Anyway, my point is that basically that I think we should collectively - in the words of the great philosopher Wayne Campbell - LIVE IN THE NOW.
Yeah, eventually I'll die, and in the meantime I'm gonna read a bunch of books that I LIKE and go places that interest me, even if those places are only as exotic as "the bookstore down the street."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:44 AM on November 3, 2008
"What's missing from these books, of course, is the flipside, the other 99 percent of the pie."
I'm assuming sfgate doesn't have editors then? Because there's no way that line right there gets past even an armchair editor.
What a bitter, pissy little piece.
posted by Cyrano at 4:00 AM on November 3, 2008
I'm assuming sfgate doesn't have editors then? Because there's no way that line right there gets past even an armchair editor.
What a bitter, pissy little piece.
posted by Cyrano at 4:00 AM on November 3, 2008
The point of the article, which he lost with his own contradictions and sanctimonious ending, was that these Top 1,000 lists are sloppy, cheap, unimaginative, bargin-bucket driven, shallow, pap. They are books that you buy for people you don't really know or like for Christmas.
I better not get one now...
posted by Blackadder at 7:56 AM on November 3, 2008
I better not get one now...
posted by Blackadder at 7:56 AM on November 3, 2008
Read this column before you die
I will, probably.
posted by Citizen Premier at 8:59 AM on November 3, 2008
I will, probably.
posted by Citizen Premier at 8:59 AM on November 3, 2008
I am writing a book called 1,001 People To Give A Thousand Bucks To Before You Die.
It will be 100 pages long, with my name written ten times on each page except for the last page, when it will be written there 11 times. It will also include a pre-stamped, pre-addressed check-sized envelope to make mailing a snap.
posted by Spatch at 9:02 AM on November 3, 2008
It will be 100 pages long, with my name written ten times on each page except for the last page, when it will be written there 11 times. It will also include a pre-stamped, pre-addressed check-sized envelope to make mailing a snap.
posted by Spatch at 9:02 AM on November 3, 2008
Hey, if this guy wants to try out for the Andy Rooney replacement gig then good for him. I'm gonna sit here on the couch of life and eat 1001 Cheetos while watching C.O.P.S.
bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do...?
posted by djeo at 9:10 AM on November 3, 2008
bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do...?
posted by djeo at 9:10 AM on November 3, 2008
Ten Places I've Seen Which Were More Extraordinary, To Me, Than Any Place On Any "Must See Before You Die" List:
1. What, you think I'm gonna tell you?
2. Those experiences are mine and mine alone.
3. Never to be shared.
4. I prefer it that way.
5. Even if I told you, and you went, you might not find them that special anyway.
6. Because their beauty is as much in my experience of them as in the place itself.
7. But just because I'm not naming them, don't doubt for a second that I actually do have ten places in mind.
8. Here's my challenge to you:
9. Seek out your own special, beautiful places.
10. They will be yours, in a way that a guidebook-recommended place that a thousand people visit a day never could.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:20 AM on November 3, 2008
1. What, you think I'm gonna tell you?
2. Those experiences are mine and mine alone.
3. Never to be shared.
4. I prefer it that way.
5. Even if I told you, and you went, you might not find them that special anyway.
6. Because their beauty is as much in my experience of them as in the place itself.
7. But just because I'm not naming them, don't doubt for a second that I actually do have ten places in mind.
8. Here's my challenge to you:
9. Seek out your own special, beautiful places.
10. They will be yours, in a way that a guidebook-recommended place that a thousand people visit a day never could.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:20 AM on November 3, 2008
Didn't it all start with the Kama Sutra?
posted by sour cream at 11:35 AM on November 3, 2008
posted by sour cream at 11:35 AM on November 3, 2008
Favorited.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 12:50 PM on November 3, 2008
posted by ZenMasterThis at 12:50 PM on November 3, 2008
Um, yes. We've heard of Mark Morford. Presumably any of us who are interested in his love-it-or-hate-it writing style already have him RSS'd.
posted by desuetude at 2:24 PM on November 3, 2008
posted by desuetude at 2:24 PM on November 3, 2008
Won't someone pay me for my cynical opinion about random crap? What if I title it in such a way that it easily references an American cultural touchstone of an extremely short time period?
:(
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 7:31 PM on November 3, 2008
:(
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 7:31 PM on November 3, 2008
He's a tedious writer with too much fluff to make his point. He could have summed it up in two paragraphs and saved us time to do 1000 other things.
posted by gawkycreature at 2:05 AM on November 5, 2008
posted by gawkycreature at 2:05 AM on November 5, 2008
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