Gills, Fins and Psychedelic Thai
November 20, 2008 10:52 AM Subscribe
There have been precious few times that a restaurant review had me laughing out loud, even on page 2.
Very funny, and as a former restaurant critic myself, I must say I hate glitzy, gimmicky joints like that too.
The most droll, knowledgable, and scathing restaurant reviews ever, however, were written by the late Seymour Britchky. Go get yourself one of those 22 cent copies of his book (I'm getting one before posting) and amuse yourself for hours.
posted by digaman at 11:02 AM on November 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
The most droll, knowledgable, and scathing restaurant reviews ever, however, were written by the late Seymour Britchky. Go get yourself one of those 22 cent copies of his book (I'm getting one before posting) and amuse yourself for hours.
posted by digaman at 11:02 AM on November 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
Absolutely fantastic and a perfect example of almost everything that's wrong with most new restaurants. I'm out in Los Angeles and a lot of times it's the same thing only scaled down a bit. Although I have noticed the "glum" thing a lot more in NYC wait staff than I have out here.
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 11:03 AM on November 20, 2008
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 11:03 AM on November 20, 2008
At the end, it rates it as "Satisfactory (zero stars)." I don't usually read the restaurant reviews. Is this normal?
posted by nushustu at 11:03 AM on November 20, 2008
posted by nushustu at 11:03 AM on November 20, 2008
Which also isn't to say a glitzy place can't have good food. There's a place out here DOLCE which is very sceney (tho not overtly glitzy) and owned by some hollywood young people such that has disaster written all over it... only the food is actually very good and the service is decent. So it does well. Not my favorite by far, but it's worth mentioning some do it right.
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 11:05 AM on November 20, 2008
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 11:05 AM on November 20, 2008
I keep hoping that one day the world will wake up and say "OK, no more nonsense. If it has nonsense involved, we won't be doing it."
God what an awful looking restaurant.
posted by chronkite at 11:06 AM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
God what an awful looking restaurant.
posted by chronkite at 11:06 AM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
a restaurant review had me laughing out loud
Why, yes, this one linked here is in fact much funnier!
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:07 AM on November 20, 2008
Why, yes, this one linked here is in fact much funnier!
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:07 AM on November 20, 2008
Yeah, I wanted to note the same thing, nushustu. There's no such thing as a restaurant worse than satisfactory? I didn't notice that adjective anywhere else in Bruni's review...
posted by ibmcginty at 11:09 AM on November 20, 2008
posted by ibmcginty at 11:09 AM on November 20, 2008
To get an "Unsatisfactory" the wait staff have to physically assault you.
posted by yhbc at 11:09 AM on November 20, 2008
posted by yhbc at 11:09 AM on November 20, 2008
Meanwhile, Galaxy Diner in NYC (15th and Irving) is gimmicky as hell, with some inscrutable eastern-philosophy-meets-astronomy theme permeating everything, however, the food there is nothing short of amazing, and all of it creative, original ideas.
I don't like gimmicky, but if the food is done right, it's done right.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:09 AM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
I don't like gimmicky, but if the food is done right, it's done right.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:09 AM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
Actually, a working link adds immeasurably to the funny.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:10 AM on November 20, 2008 [13 favorites]
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:10 AM on November 20, 2008 [13 favorites]
When asked which of 23 dim sum options shouldn’t be missed, she said, “The dumplings,” thus narrowing those options to 15. When asked which wines Kurve served by the glass, she said, “Red and white.”
I immediately picture Kirstin Wiig as her A-hole character when reading this.
posted by piratebowling at 11:18 AM on November 20, 2008 [4 favorites]
I immediately picture Kirstin Wiig as her A-hole character when reading this.
posted by piratebowling at 11:18 AM on November 20, 2008 [4 favorites]
Is this about that 12 year old kid who eats tripe by himself?
posted by fixedgear at 11:18 AM on November 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by fixedgear at 11:18 AM on November 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
Clever, but the writer makes the same mistake as the restaurant.
The style overwhelms the content to the point that it's difficult to pay attention to what you are actually consuming.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:22 AM on November 20, 2008 [8 favorites]
The style overwhelms the content to the point that it's difficult to pay attention to what you are actually consuming.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:22 AM on November 20, 2008 [8 favorites]
Funniest service I've ever had was in a Calgary breakfast joint, where the waitress says, "How is everything here?"
I tell her the toast is burnt.
She says, "So how is everything else?" and walks away.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:26 AM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
I tell her the toast is burnt.
She says, "So how is everything else?" and walks away.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:26 AM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
I can't, now that I try, think of any times that a restaurant review had me laughing out loud.
And yes, I did read the link.
posted by rusty at 11:31 AM on November 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
And yes, I did read the link.
posted by rusty at 11:31 AM on November 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
Thanks for fixing that link, stupidsexyFlanders, it was worth it. The Cafe Restaurant is actually a great name for a restaurant.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:32 AM on November 20, 2008
posted by Rock Steady at 11:32 AM on November 20, 2008
At the end, it rates it as "Satisfactory (zero stars)." I don't usually read the restaurant reviews. Is this normal?
posted by nushustu at 11:03 AM on November 20 [+] [!]
Often the kinds of restaurants that get lower than satisfactory most critics don't bother reviewing. Zero stars doesn't mean a zero score. Think of a star as a commendation, not a score. Heck, earning a single Michillin star makes you're restaurant awesome. Two stars and you're an elite restaurant.
It works more like that. I think the critic just really wanted to make note of what a crazy situation was going on with that place and highlight the strange aspects as cautionary example of how to make the wrong choices. With that much money it's hard for the food to be truly awful. It's more "really? this is the best you could do with a seemingly endless budget? and you're still confused?"
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 11:34 AM on November 20, 2008 [4 favorites]
I keep hoping that one day the world will wake up and say "OK, no more nonsense. If it has nonsense involved, we won't be doing it."
I cannot imagine a hope more contrary to my own. I love nonsense. People are always asking me if things "make sense," and I find myself falling into the same habit. My job is basically to analyze the statement "Here's some data, does it make sense given what we already know?" After a day full of order, there's nothing I like more than a nice break from things that can possibly make sense. Sometimes it's garish and unseemly, and I don't even care. Disclaimer: I also like brightly colored sodas with awful flavors like bubblegum.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 11:38 AM on November 20, 2008 [6 favorites]
I cannot imagine a hope more contrary to my own. I love nonsense. People are always asking me if things "make sense," and I find myself falling into the same habit. My job is basically to analyze the statement "Here's some data, does it make sense given what we already know?" After a day full of order, there's nothing I like more than a nice break from things that can possibly make sense. Sometimes it's garish and unseemly, and I don't even care. Disclaimer: I also like brightly colored sodas with awful flavors like bubblegum.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 11:38 AM on November 20, 2008 [6 favorites]
Other than the restaurant being preposterous, what was notable about the review? It seemed positively kindly, as if Bruni didn't want to offend anyone. Maybe there was a full page ad for Kurve a couple of pages later.
I don't really seek out food writers, so only tend to catch reviews by Jay Rayner, Matthew Norman and Joanna Blythman, all of whom would've torn this restaurant a new arsehole in much finer style.
posted by jack_mo at 11:45 AM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
I don't really seek out food writers, so only tend to catch reviews by Jay Rayner, Matthew Norman and Joanna Blythman, all of whom would've torn this restaurant a new arsehole in much finer style.
posted by jack_mo at 11:45 AM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
this is around the corner from me.
the decor seems like a 90's retro version of 60's futuristic (retro retro?).
i thought it was a bar not a restaurant.
posted by bhnyc at 11:53 AM on November 20, 2008
the decor seems like a 90's retro version of 60's futuristic (retro retro?).
i thought it was a bar not a restaurant.
posted by bhnyc at 11:53 AM on November 20, 2008
lalochezia wrote: Brunis best review ever
Heh, that one was good. I assume the ninjas shut up shop soon after?
posted by jack_mo at 11:57 AM on November 20, 2008
Heh, that one was good. I assume the ninjas shut up shop soon after?
posted by jack_mo at 11:57 AM on November 20, 2008
Heck, earning a single Michillin star makes you're restaurant awesome.
posted by Lacking Subtlety
Indeed.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:06 PM on November 20, 2008
posted by Lacking Subtlety
Indeed.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:06 PM on November 20, 2008
It does seem as if we're hurtling towards the theme restaurant where they give you a blank menu, bring an empty plate, punch you in the mouth and charge you 65 dollars.
I assume it will open in Chicago.
posted by Lord_Pall at 12:09 PM on November 20, 2008 [7 favorites]
I assume it will open in Chicago.
posted by Lord_Pall at 12:09 PM on November 20, 2008 [7 favorites]
But you can get the early bird for $50.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:14 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:14 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
My friend is one of the minority owners of this place, and had acknowledged for a year that they were being driven off base by the majority owners who IMHO are complete idiots.
It doesn't really match the neighborhood it seems to me, which is sort of industrial, college, punk type of feel to it.
Proves don't go into business unless you really know and respect your partners.
posted by sfts2 at 12:33 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
It doesn't really match the neighborhood it seems to me, which is sort of industrial, college, punk type of feel to it.
Proves don't go into business unless you really know and respect your partners.
posted by sfts2 at 12:33 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
a single Michillin star makes you're restaurant awesome
I always thought it was Michelin star, and I could never figure out what business the tire people had rating restaurants.
posted by abc123xyzinfinity at 12:35 PM on November 20, 2008
I always thought it was Michelin star, and I could never figure out what business the tire people had rating restaurants.
posted by abc123xyzinfinity at 12:35 PM on November 20, 2008
My friend is one of the minority owners of this place, and had acknowledged for a year that they were being driven off base by the majority owners who IMHO are complete idiots.
It doesn't really match the neighborhood it seems to me, which is sort of industrial, college, punk type of feel to it.
Proves don't go into business unless you really know and respect your partners.
posted by sfts2 at 12:33 PM on November 20 [+] [!]
the problem is the old "too many cooks in the kitchen" thing
the solution is always simple: it's the chef's decision. everything about a restaurant from the inception until the food is at your table should be chef centered.
If that's not the case (and forgive my crassness) but then it's nothing but a bunch of owners getting in the way and wanking each other's egos off.
There are maybe like 2 good restaurant owners I can think of... ever notice how all the great new restaurants are at least partially chef-owned with a controlling interest? Wonder why that is....
my personal favorite:
www.providencela.com
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 12:38 PM on November 20, 2008
I could never figure out what business the tire people had rating restaurants.
Because people who drive around the place need to stop and eat. The guide used to list petrol stations and garages as well as restaurants. (The Automobile Association in the UK publishes guides too, though you really wouldn't want to confuse their star ratings with Michelin's!)
posted by jack_mo at 12:40 PM on November 20, 2008
Because people who drive around the place need to stop and eat. The guide used to list petrol stations and garages as well as restaurants. (The Automobile Association in the UK publishes guides too, though you really wouldn't want to confuse their star ratings with Michelin's!)
posted by jack_mo at 12:40 PM on November 20, 2008
My favorite Bruni review remains his take-down of Cipriani. I found it to be an excellent antidote for class rage.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 12:41 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 12:41 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
a single Michillin star makes you're restaurant awesome
I always thought it was Michelin star, and I could never figure out what business the tire people had rating restaurants.
posted by abc123xyzinfinity at 12:35 PM on November 20 [+] [!]
NO you're right. it was poor spelling. It's the same company. but they're a very, very large european company that does lots of things. including making guide books for europe and four US cities (NYC, san fran, las vegas, LA). and they are the best guide books in the business with the most respected approach to ratings (some people call them stodgy... I call them accurate and cautious). Getting a michilin star (or by god, 3) is the great honor you can receive. Only two (or now three?) restaurants in the US have received that rating (french laundry, per se, and joel robuchon?) i forget exactly
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 12:43 PM on November 20, 2008
I always thought it was Michelin star, and I could never figure out what business the tire people had rating restaurants.
posted by abc123xyzinfinity at 12:35 PM on November 20 [+] [!]
NO you're right. it was poor spelling. It's the same company. but they're a very, very large european company that does lots of things. including making guide books for europe and four US cities (NYC, san fran, las vegas, LA). and they are the best guide books in the business with the most respected approach to ratings (some people call them stodgy... I call them accurate and cautious). Getting a michilin star (or by god, 3) is the great honor you can receive. Only two (or now three?) restaurants in the US have received that rating (french laundry, per se, and joel robuchon?) i forget exactly
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 12:43 PM on November 20, 2008
Actually, the Michelin guide still has a bit of a motoring focus - two stars means 'worth a detour' and three stars means 'worth a special journey'.
posted by jack_mo at 12:45 PM on November 20, 2008
posted by jack_mo at 12:45 PM on November 20, 2008
My favorite Bruni review remains his take-down of Cipriani. I found it to be an excellent antidote for class rage.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 12:41 PM on November 20 [+] [!]
If there is anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that needs to be taken down it's the prices on the wine-lists in Texas (mostly in steakhouses). My god. I'm talking 400-500% markup on OK bottles. You'll see a 60 dollar bottle of wine being sold at 300. I once saw an 90 dollar bottle being sold for 550. I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. That bottle would be 160 at any other restaurant. You'll see 300 dollar bottles marked up to 1000 too.
And they get away with it. How? Rich Texans walk in and love to order the most expensive wine on the menu. Usually they're all cabs. It's absurd.
/The lesson? In texas, byobooze.
//steaks are consistently good tho
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 12:52 PM on November 20, 2008
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 12:41 PM on November 20 [+] [!]
If there is anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that needs to be taken down it's the prices on the wine-lists in Texas (mostly in steakhouses). My god. I'm talking 400-500% markup on OK bottles. You'll see a 60 dollar bottle of wine being sold at 300. I once saw an 90 dollar bottle being sold for 550. I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. That bottle would be 160 at any other restaurant. You'll see 300 dollar bottles marked up to 1000 too.
And they get away with it. How? Rich Texans walk in and love to order the most expensive wine on the menu. Usually they're all cabs. It's absurd.
/The lesson? In texas, byobooze.
//steaks are consistently good tho
posted by Lacking Subtlety at 12:52 PM on November 20, 2008
How come words like funny and awesome don't mean what they used to mean any more? Maybe I'm just getting old?
posted by i_cola at 1:06 PM on November 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by i_cola at 1:06 PM on November 20, 2008 [2 favorites]
Good, but for me still not as good as Bobby Heugel's review of Jim Beam's new rye whiskey, about which the first commenter said, "This is the best thing I’ve ever read about anything ever."
posted by chuq at 1:37 PM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by chuq at 1:37 PM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
I found it to be an excellent antidote for class rage.
posted by jessamyn at 1:38 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
"...the people-watching is nonpareil. You rarely see blondness this improbable, cosmetology this transparent, wealth this flamboyantly misspent.Oh thank you, my class rage has been a little out of control lately. [note: that review gave zero stars and a POOR rating]
And while that isn’t cause enough to visit Harry Cipriani, it’s consolation if you must."
posted by jessamyn at 1:38 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
Not only is Ninja still open, but they're doing pretty well. Which I totally don't understand.
I went there a couple of years ago with a friend after doing the tasting menu at Fresh with wine pairings. We went down to Ninja, which is located entirely underground, and drank three bottles of sake with the general manager and the magician (whose tableside antics were nothing short of mildly clever). We got a couple of apps, but by far the wierdest one was a nacho cheese tempura thing that tasted like fried shrimp coated in doritos.
I never puked so much in my life. It was a full year before I could drink sake again.
Still, though, Ninja is classy compared to that space-themed abomination in midtown called Mars 2112. When is Bruni going to review that place?
posted by ben242 at 1:38 PM on November 20, 2008
I went there a couple of years ago with a friend after doing the tasting menu at Fresh with wine pairings. We went down to Ninja, which is located entirely underground, and drank three bottles of sake with the general manager and the magician (whose tableside antics were nothing short of mildly clever). We got a couple of apps, but by far the wierdest one was a nacho cheese tempura thing that tasted like fried shrimp coated in doritos.
I never puked so much in my life. It was a full year before I could drink sake again.
Still, though, Ninja is classy compared to that space-themed abomination in midtown called Mars 2112. When is Bruni going to review that place?
posted by ben242 at 1:38 PM on November 20, 2008
How come words like funny and awesome don't mean what they used to mean any more? Maybe I'm just getting old?
I'm right there with ya. Not even a chuckle, sorry.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:44 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
I'm right there with ya. Not even a chuckle, sorry.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:44 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
Other than the restaurant being preposterous, what was notable about the review?
I'm right there with ya. Not even a chuckle, sorry.
Me neither. NOW WHERE'Z MY FUNNY!?!?
posted by mrgrimm at 1:51 PM on November 20, 2008
I'm right there with ya. Not even a chuckle, sorry.
Me neither. NOW WHERE'Z MY FUNNY!?!?
posted by mrgrimm at 1:51 PM on November 20, 2008
It doesn't really match the neighborhood it seems to me, which is sort of industrial, college, punk type of feel to it.
It might not have matched the neighborhood 10 years ago. It's pretty much perfect now.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 2:01 PM on November 20, 2008
It might not have matched the neighborhood 10 years ago. It's pretty much perfect now.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 2:01 PM on November 20, 2008
It's a good bad review, but it's not hysterical.
Maybe we've all become used to overly courteous deference? Because this just seems to be a mild critique.
posted by jrochest at 2:07 PM on November 20, 2008
Maybe we've all become used to overly courteous deference? Because this just seems to be a mild critique.
posted by jrochest at 2:07 PM on November 20, 2008
Makes me feel better that I can't afford to eat at such places. But it sort of sounds intriguing, I would like to witness the insanity first-hand.
posted by mattholomew at 2:08 PM on November 20, 2008
posted by mattholomew at 2:08 PM on November 20, 2008
I miss Ruth Reichl.
posted by HotToddy at 2:29 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by HotToddy at 2:29 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
I find it awesome that the guy that designed the place also designed a glorified dust buster by almost the same name. (Kurve the restaurant versus Kurv the dust buster) I really really hate the commercials for that stupid thing.
posted by sararah at 2:49 PM on November 20, 2008
posted by sararah at 2:49 PM on November 20, 2008
Still, though, Ninja is classy compared to that space-themed abomination in midtown called Mars 2112. When is Bruni going to review that place?
I can give that a try: You wait on line feeling like a total dick and then you go down in an elevator thing and then a person with the dead eyes in a leotard brings you some microwaved chicken strips while other people who couldn't get a broadway show role wander around in generic "space man" costumes so the place doesn't get sued and everyone at the table feels wicked awkward and even the children visibly radiate social discomfort at having to interact with Princess Astra and Gleezorb while they they push Astro Fries around on the plate and then you give them 20 bucks for the arcade and thankfully it's soon over and you leave a hundred bucks lighter and head home for space gin until you forget about the whole thing.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:18 PM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
I can give that a try: You wait on line feeling like a total dick and then you go down in an elevator thing and then a person with the dead eyes in a leotard brings you some microwaved chicken strips while other people who couldn't get a broadway show role wander around in generic "space man" costumes so the place doesn't get sued and everyone at the table feels wicked awkward and even the children visibly radiate social discomfort at having to interact with Princess Astra and Gleezorb while they they push Astro Fries around on the plate and then you give them 20 bucks for the arcade and thankfully it's soon over and you leave a hundred bucks lighter and head home for space gin until you forget about the whole thing.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:18 PM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
I've just remembered my favourite ridiculous theme restaurant, Stavka, a Russian joint in Glasgow. Most of it is done out in an austere, vaguely Soviet style, but there's an opulent 'Tzar Zone' in... the basement! I had the Pizza Brezhnev there once, which - of course! - was topped with anchovies and olives. There's a Cafe Mao in Glasgow too, come to think of it. (When I lose my job due to the recession, I plan on launching a chain of Birkenau Bar & Grill joints. Bound to be a hit.)
posted by jack_mo at 3:34 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by jack_mo at 3:34 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
Fuck New York.
posted by redteam at 3:58 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by redteam at 3:58 PM on November 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
Orwell said it best:
The waiter's outlook is quite different. He too is proud in a way of his skill, but his skill is chiefly in being servile. His work gives him the mentality, not of a workman, but of a snob. He lives perpetually in sight of rich people, stands at their tables, listens to their conversation, sucks up to them with smiles and discreet little jokes. He has the pleasure of spending money by proxy. Moreover, there is always the chance that he may become rich himself, for, though most waiters die poor, they have long runs of luck occasionally. At some cafes on the Grand Boulevard there is so much money to be made that the waiters actually pay the PATRON for their employment. The result is that between constantly seeing money, and hoping to get it, the waiter comes to identify himself to some extent with his employers. He will take pains to serve a meal in style, because he feels that he is participating in the meal himself...
...The moral is, never be sorry for a waiter. Sometimes when you sit in a restaurant, still stuffing yourself half an hour after closing time, you feel that the tired waiter at your side must surely be despising you. But he is not. He is not thinking as he looks at you, 'What an overfed lout'; he is thinking, 'One day, when I have saved enough money, I shall be able to imitate that man.' He is ministering to a kind of pleasure he thoroughly understands and admires. And that is why waiters are seldom Socialists, have no effective trade union, and will work twelve hours a day--they work fifteen hours, seven days a week, in many cafes. They are snobs, and they find the servile nature of their work rather congenial.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:18 PM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
The waiter's outlook is quite different. He too is proud in a way of his skill, but his skill is chiefly in being servile. His work gives him the mentality, not of a workman, but of a snob. He lives perpetually in sight of rich people, stands at their tables, listens to their conversation, sucks up to them with smiles and discreet little jokes. He has the pleasure of spending money by proxy. Moreover, there is always the chance that he may become rich himself, for, though most waiters die poor, they have long runs of luck occasionally. At some cafes on the Grand Boulevard there is so much money to be made that the waiters actually pay the PATRON for their employment. The result is that between constantly seeing money, and hoping to get it, the waiter comes to identify himself to some extent with his employers. He will take pains to serve a meal in style, because he feels that he is participating in the meal himself...
...The moral is, never be sorry for a waiter. Sometimes when you sit in a restaurant, still stuffing yourself half an hour after closing time, you feel that the tired waiter at your side must surely be despising you. But he is not. He is not thinking as he looks at you, 'What an overfed lout'; he is thinking, 'One day, when I have saved enough money, I shall be able to imitate that man.' He is ministering to a kind of pleasure he thoroughly understands and admires. And that is why waiters are seldom Socialists, have no effective trade union, and will work twelve hours a day--they work fifteen hours, seven days a week, in many cafes. They are snobs, and they find the servile nature of their work rather congenial.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:18 PM on November 20, 2008 [3 favorites]
Yeah, but to they serve moloko milk in case you need to prepare for a night of ultra-violence?
I too, remarked about the restarurant's resemblence to Kubrick's opening scene in A Clockwork Oarnge.
posted by captainsohler at 4:20 PM on November 20, 2008
I too, remarked about the restarurant's resemblence to Kubrick's opening scene in A Clockwork Oarnge.
posted by captainsohler at 4:20 PM on November 20, 2008
They've done that in NY already - somewhere around lower 3rd IIRC.
posted by i_cola at 4:55 PM on November 20, 2008
posted by i_cola at 4:55 PM on November 20, 2008
...and somehow the Second Ave. Deli and Ratners are no more and Katz's is rumored to be on the critical list. Manhattan is nothing but an offshore boutique these days. Cross a bridge, normal people, the big island's been overrun.
posted by jonmc at 4:56 PM on November 20, 2008
posted by jonmc at 4:56 PM on November 20, 2008
i_cola, you're thinking of the Korova Milk Bar, which used to exist on A around 11th, and has since (sadly) closed.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:09 PM on November 20, 2008
posted by Navelgazer at 5:09 PM on November 20, 2008
There have been precious few times that a restaurant review had me laughing out loud, even on page 2.
i have yet to experience this.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 5:43 PM on November 20, 2008
i have yet to experience this.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 5:43 PM on November 20, 2008
Clever, but the writer makes the same mistake as the restaurant.
The style overwhelms the content to the point that it's difficult to pay attention to what you are actually consuming.
This is exactly what I feel like whenever I read a restaurant review, and this review is no exception. And, oddly enough, music reviews. So often both of them have enough strained metaphors and analogies and descriptions make me puke. Which is why I don't read many restaurant or music reviews. Film criticism does this to an extent, but there are much more concrete concepts to film (cinematography, acting, effects) that a good film reviewer can avoid this.
posted by zardoz at 5:57 PM on November 20, 2008
The style overwhelms the content to the point that it's difficult to pay attention to what you are actually consuming.
This is exactly what I feel like whenever I read a restaurant review, and this review is no exception. And, oddly enough, music reviews. So often both of them have enough strained metaphors and analogies and descriptions make me puke. Which is why I don't read many restaurant or music reviews. Film criticism does this to an extent, but there are much more concrete concepts to film (cinematography, acting, effects) that a good film reviewer can avoid this.
posted by zardoz at 5:57 PM on November 20, 2008
KokoRyu, I will see your Orwell and raise you a Sartre:
posted by stammer at 9:02 PM on November 20, 2008
Let us consider this waiter in the cafe. His movement is quick and forward, a little too precise, a little too rapid. He bends forward a little too eagerly; his voice, his eyes express an interest a little too solicitous for the order of the costumer. And there he returns, trying to imitate in his walk the inflexible stiffness while carrying his tray with recklessness of a tightrope walker. All this behaviour seems to us a game. He applies himself to chaining his movements as if they were mechanisms, the one regulating the other. His gestures and even his voice seem to be mechanisms. He gives himself the quickness and pitiless rapidity of things. He is playing. He is amusing himself. But what is he playing? Of course, at being a waiter. The game is a kind of marking out and investigation. The child plays with his body in order to explore it. The waiter plays with his condition in order to realise it. This obligation is not different from what is imposed on all tradesmen. Their condition is wholly of ceremony – the public demands of them that they realise it as a ceremony. There is the dance of the grocer, an auctioneer, a tailor. A grocer who dreams is offensive to the buyer, because such a grocer is not wholly a grocer. Society demands that he limit himself to his functions as a grocer, just as the soldier at attention makes himself into a soldier-thing with a direct regard which does not see at all, which is no longer meant to see, since it is the rule and not the interest of the moment which determines the point he must fix his eyes on (the sight "fixed at ten paces"). There are indeed many precautions to imprison a person in what he is as if we lived in a perpetual fear that he might escape from it, that he might break away and suddenly elude his condition.Did any other great 20th century thinkers make any serious interventions into waiter theory?
posted by stammer at 9:02 PM on November 20, 2008
Somerset Maugham's Of Human Bondage was all about a selfish waitress. Does that count? I shouldn't brag, but I have a library discard of the book from the SD Women's Prison.
posted by Bitter soylent at 3:51 AM on November 21, 2008
posted by Bitter soylent at 3:51 AM on November 21, 2008
Douglas Adams and the mechanics of the Bistromathic Drive spring to mind.
posted by Molesome at 4:14 AM on November 21, 2008
posted by Molesome at 4:14 AM on November 21, 2008
A famous author who is nice to you, but cruel to the waiter, is not a nice famous author.
posted by nicepersonality at 6:24 AM on November 21, 2008
posted by nicepersonality at 6:24 AM on November 21, 2008
Two fun and funny restaurant reviews that I have read recently:
posted by asok at 6:49 AM on November 21, 2008
At economic moments such as this, what we all need (second only to a few 24-carat gold bricks in a safety deposit box) is a good giggle. For those without access to liquid temazepam, laughter is the best medicine for terror and blind panic, and on this basis I must thank Andaman By Dieter Müller for a hilarious lunch.-snip-
But then this, as my friend had been so quick to appreciate, is a restaurant in only the barest technical sense. This is a clip joint of a shameless brazenness the like of which I cannot recall. A year ago, it would have induced raging dreams involving gelignite, because then it would have made a mint from City bonus boys going doolally with that wine list. But not, God be praised for silver linings, any moreAnd,
..I've never known such unleavened casino gloom as at Manchester's 235 centre - and this without wagering a thrupenny bit. "This is just... just..." murmured my friend as we were seated in Linen, a vast but sparsely populated space a flight of stairs above the gaming floor. "Why have you brought me here? What makes you wish to cause me pain?"-snip-
Why footballers and their womenfolk would wish to dine here, I've no idea, but if the presence of Cristal champagne and high-backed thrones in the salon privée behind us left a shred of doubt about the target clientele, the presence of "traditional prawn cocktail" removed it. What the chef removed, meanwhile, was the traditional texture and taste of frozen prawns, so that in a blind tasting you'd have lumped the mortgage on tofu. The sauce Marie Rose was, weirdly, really rather good, but my friend's oak-smoked Goosnargh duck breast was not.I find it gratifying that Matthew Norman is employed to review restaurants that I probably will never be able to afford to eat at, and thus save me the trouble of feeling jealous of those that can.
posted by asok at 6:49 AM on November 21, 2008
I find it awesome that the guy that designed the place also designed a glorified dust buster by almost the same name.
He also designed these awful menorahs, which I had to sell last year. I still have nightmares.
posted by piratebowling at 7:22 AM on November 21, 2008
He also designed these awful menorahs, which I had to sell last year. I still have nightmares.
posted by piratebowling at 7:22 AM on November 21, 2008
He also designed these awful menorahs, which I had to sell last year. I still have nightmares.
Wow, those...those....hurt my feelings they were so bad.
posted by milarepa at 8:21 AM on November 21, 2008
Wow, those...those....hurt my feelings they were so bad.
posted by milarepa at 8:21 AM on November 21, 2008
Both restaurant and review are 1x pile of wank. #
I do like AA Gill's reviews, even though I'm pretty damn sure spending any time with the man would have me hunting for cyanide capsules.
posted by mippy at 9:38 AM on November 21, 2008
I do like AA Gill's reviews, even though I'm pretty damn sure spending any time with the man would have me hunting for cyanide capsules.
posted by mippy at 9:38 AM on November 21, 2008
I really want someone with more money than sense to take me here. In fact, I offered to take my SO for his 30th. He reminded me that I actually do have about as little money as I do sense, and should cook him a nice steak instead.
posted by mippy at 9:43 AM on November 21, 2008
posted by mippy at 9:43 AM on November 21, 2008
I heart bad reviews. But this just grates my tits. Most people that eat in a place called Goodfella's won't have had one meal in all the places you dine in for free, Coren.
posted by mippy at 10:19 AM on November 21, 2008
posted by mippy at 10:19 AM on November 21, 2008
Did any other great 20th century thinkers make any serious interventions into waiter theory?
Not at home, can't find the text online, so I might be remembering this inexactly, but in We Are Everywhere Jerry Rubin claims:
Not at home, can't find the text online, so I might be remembering this inexactly, but in We Are Everywhere Jerry Rubin claims:
After the revolution there will be no more restaurants and we will all serve each other.posted by tangerine at 2:38 PM on November 21, 2008
mippy: "I really want someone with more money than sense to take me here."
Override the finger, yeah?
As far as I'm concerned, eating in London means: Egg, bacon, black pudding, bubble, liver and a fried slice at Maggie's Cafe in Lewisham for breakfast. Devilled kidneys at St. John Bread & Wine for lunch. Bone marrow on toast, whatever the waiter recommends for a main course/side and an Eccles cake for pudding at St. John for dinner (or a random feast at Song Que on Kingsland Rd.). I'm sure there are better places to eat, but that's been my routine for about five years, and I just can't break the habit.
posted by jack_mo at 4:15 PM on November 21, 2008
Override the finger, yeah?
As far as I'm concerned, eating in London means: Egg, bacon, black pudding, bubble, liver and a fried slice at Maggie's Cafe in Lewisham for breakfast. Devilled kidneys at St. John Bread & Wine for lunch. Bone marrow on toast, whatever the waiter recommends for a main course/side and an Eccles cake for pudding at St. John for dinner (or a random feast at Song Que on Kingsland Rd.). I'm sure there are better places to eat, but that's been my routine for about five years, and I just can't break the habit.
posted by jack_mo at 4:15 PM on November 21, 2008
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