Chainsaw Bayonet
November 30, 2008 6:41 PM Subscribe
My downstairs neighbor lives in constant dread of the zombie apocalypse. She once asked me to check the attic for zombies, living severed arms, that sort of thing. I now fear that there will be one of those in my house soon.
We'll be lucky if there's only a dismemberment or two.
posted by Kattullus at 6:50 PM on November 30, 2008
We'll be lucky if there's only a dismemberment or two.
posted by Kattullus at 6:50 PM on November 30, 2008
I like how the one dude is wearing a Git-R-Done hat. Yes, my friend, you certainly Got-R-Done. Kudos to you.
posted by billysumday at 6:52 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by billysumday at 6:52 PM on November 30, 2008
loluhmuhrkuh
posted by fire&wings at 6:53 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by fire&wings at 6:53 PM on November 30, 2008
so that's what really happened with that 999 call
posted by pyramid termite at 6:55 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by pyramid termite at 6:55 PM on November 30, 2008
I like how his mom's laughing at him.
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:55 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:55 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
Is this where I say, "Christ, what an asshole"?
Wow. I mean, I like shootin', and I love playing with souped-up chainsaws, but that's just...a bad idea.
posted by notsnot at 7:00 PM on November 30, 2008
Wow. I mean, I like shootin', and I love playing with souped-up chainsaws, but that's just...a bad idea.
posted by notsnot at 7:00 PM on November 30, 2008
Oh America, what shark hast thou jump't.
posted by Rinku at 7:01 PM on November 30, 2008 [9 favorites]
posted by Rinku at 7:01 PM on November 30, 2008 [9 favorites]
I've been playing too much Fallout... It's leaking into the real world.
posted by Muttoneer at 7:02 PM on November 30, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by Muttoneer at 7:02 PM on November 30, 2008 [2 favorites]
This is a video game thing, right?
posted by paisley henosis at 7:09 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by paisley henosis at 7:09 PM on November 30, 2008
Wow. Look at the way that guy is swinging the thing around his feet going after those pumpkins. It doesn't look safe at all.
(On the other hand, it looks like a pretty weak electric drive. I doubt that thing could actually cut down a tree and I'm not sure how easy it would be to actually dismember someone with it)
posted by delmoi at 7:19 PM on November 30, 2008
(On the other hand, it looks like a pretty weak electric drive. I doubt that thing could actually cut down a tree and I'm not sure how easy it would be to actually dismember someone with it)
posted by delmoi at 7:19 PM on November 30, 2008
When do we get the followup video where he takes his fingers off?
posted by wavering at 7:19 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by wavering at 7:19 PM on November 30, 2008
Best weapon ever.
posted by blaneyphoto at 7:25 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by blaneyphoto at 7:25 PM on November 30, 2008
idkfa
posted by eriko at 7:27 PM on November 30, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by eriko at 7:27 PM on November 30, 2008 [3 favorites]
Yeah, it's a video game thing. Specifically it's a poor man's version of the Lancer Assault Rifle from Gears of War.
posted by Justinian at 7:36 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Justinian at 7:36 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
i just thought of something to make it even better - you could duct tape a flashlight on top so you can shine deer
posted by pyramid termite at 7:48 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by pyramid termite at 7:48 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
I was expecting that thing to kick back at is shin every time he wacked a pumkin with that stupid thing.
posted by nola at 7:49 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by nola at 7:49 PM on November 30, 2008
You couldn't cut down a tree with that thing.
Now, attach an AK47 to my Husqvarna, and we're TALKIN'.
/goes to tinker in workshop
posted by unSane at 7:50 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
Now, attach an AK47 to my Husqvarna, and we're TALKIN'.
/goes to tinker in workshop
posted by unSane at 7:50 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
WE GUNNA MAKE THE GENEVA CONVENTION ASPLODE BOYS WOO
posted by boo_radley at 8:10 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by boo_radley at 8:10 PM on November 30, 2008
Sweet lord in heaven that's the coolest thing I've seen in quite some time.
I dearly love my chainsaw. My father purchased it for me - I remember it like it was yesterday. I signed up to volunteer with a large group of other high school kids to go clean up Biloxi, Mississippi, after hurricane George. There was a terrible mess down there. I was in 10th grade. He asked what I wanted to do and I said I "wanted to clean up." He said, "Welp, you're gonna need a new chainsaw." I was so completely excited.
We drove to Kingston's True Value Hardware and he took me to the chainsaw section. I remember walking down the aisle - I saw her and immediately fell in love. I had found the perfect chainsaw. The Homelite 14". She was so small and light... absolutely perfect.
I remember my dad's face. He kind of frowned. "14 inch? You sure?" But it was perfect - it was so light-weight and it seemed to have a big engine for such a small blade - after all, if the blade was 14" that meant I could cut a 28" log! Plenty big enough and I could use it with one arm! It was the perfect chainsaw.
He bought it for me, I took it home and learned ever inch of it. I cut up all kinds of stuff. It was amazing - I could take it apart and put it back together in five minutes. I learned how to sharpen the blade, how to grease her and replace any and all parts. I took it down to Biloxi and cleared many yards that summer. I cut broken down porches off of houses and I sawed up 2x4s to be used on new retainer dikes. I did everything - we did everything, me and that chainsaw.
And she's still my favorite, though now I have an 18" and a 24". I still love that little chainsaw.
And recently, I've fallen in love with this completely sweet backpacking rifle/shotgun combo that was given to paramilitary officers during the second world war and have been looking to buy one: the Springfield Armory M6 Scout. The absolute perfect gun for taking small game in the North American wilds. Combined with my tiny chainsaw and my tiny fishing kit I'd be a home-steading everyman! I think the best would be to find a way to combine all three.
Gas-powered rifle-shotgun-chainsaw-10lb.-salmonreel. I think this is what I'll receive when I finally go to my reward, God willing.
Good God I love this country.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:16 PM on November 30, 2008 [27 favorites]
I dearly love my chainsaw. My father purchased it for me - I remember it like it was yesterday. I signed up to volunteer with a large group of other high school kids to go clean up Biloxi, Mississippi, after hurricane George. There was a terrible mess down there. I was in 10th grade. He asked what I wanted to do and I said I "wanted to clean up." He said, "Welp, you're gonna need a new chainsaw." I was so completely excited.
We drove to Kingston's True Value Hardware and he took me to the chainsaw section. I remember walking down the aisle - I saw her and immediately fell in love. I had found the perfect chainsaw. The Homelite 14". She was so small and light... absolutely perfect.
I remember my dad's face. He kind of frowned. "14 inch? You sure?" But it was perfect - it was so light-weight and it seemed to have a big engine for such a small blade - after all, if the blade was 14" that meant I could cut a 28" log! Plenty big enough and I could use it with one arm! It was the perfect chainsaw.
He bought it for me, I took it home and learned ever inch of it. I cut up all kinds of stuff. It was amazing - I could take it apart and put it back together in five minutes. I learned how to sharpen the blade, how to grease her and replace any and all parts. I took it down to Biloxi and cleared many yards that summer. I cut broken down porches off of houses and I sawed up 2x4s to be used on new retainer dikes. I did everything - we did everything, me and that chainsaw.
And she's still my favorite, though now I have an 18" and a 24". I still love that little chainsaw.
And recently, I've fallen in love with this completely sweet backpacking rifle/shotgun combo that was given to paramilitary officers during the second world war and have been looking to buy one: the Springfield Armory M6 Scout. The absolute perfect gun for taking small game in the North American wilds. Combined with my tiny chainsaw and my tiny fishing kit I'd be a home-steading everyman! I think the best would be to find a way to combine all three.
Gas-powered rifle-shotgun-chainsaw-10lb.-salmonreel. I think this is what I'll receive when I finally go to my reward, God willing.
Good God I love this country.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:16 PM on November 30, 2008 [27 favorites]
It's probably a good thing I don't own a gun, since my immediate thought was, "What the hell are you going to do with that? Thrust, get a face full of God knows what, and then stagger around blind with a running chainsaw on the end of a rifle that you can't really put down to wipe the God knows what out of your eyes, so you can see to shoot whatever it is that's charging you to make you think you need a rifle with a chainsaw bayonet."
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 8:30 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 8:30 PM on November 30, 2008
Yawn. Call me when you have a semi-automatic shotgun that fires chainsaws.
posted by kcds at 8:35 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by kcds at 8:35 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, it looks like a pretty weak electric drive. I doubt that thing could actually cut down a tree and I'm not sure how easy it would be to actually dismember someone with it
I think part of the offensive capabilities would be your enemy seeing you, laughing hysterically like Ash from Army of Darkness, revving this thing as you approach.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:39 PM on November 30, 2008 [6 favorites]
I think part of the offensive capabilities would be your enemy seeing you, laughing hysterically like Ash from Army of Darkness, revving this thing as you approach.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:39 PM on November 30, 2008 [6 favorites]
An auto-loader shotgun with a 20 round drum, and a chainsaw blade? That's what I want when the zombies come, baby!
posted by Class Goat at 8:45 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Class Goat at 8:45 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
Where's the video of him waiting for an ambulance holding his severed legs? Is this the same guy from the 911 call post?
posted by Salvor Hardin at 9:01 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by Salvor Hardin at 9:01 PM on November 30, 2008
Hey. BB.
I have an M6 Scout. It's the only gun I kept after we moved back into the city (I got rid of the pistols). I keep it broken down as part of my survival kit (though I think I may augment that with 870 Remington). But I'll be damed if that liitle M6 isn't an accurate and fine little gun.
posted by tkchrist at 9:29 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
I have an M6 Scout. It's the only gun I kept after we moved back into the city (I got rid of the pistols). I keep it broken down as part of my survival kit (though I think I may augment that with 870 Remington). But I'll be damed if that liitle M6 isn't an accurate and fine little gun.
posted by tkchrist at 9:29 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
Wait, don't you want to minimize splatter when fighting zombies?
That is, unless you're comfortable in chemical safety goggles and a balaclava.
posted by porpoise at 9:33 PM on November 30, 2008
That is, unless you're comfortable in chemical safety goggles and a balaclava.
posted by porpoise at 9:33 PM on November 30, 2008
bacon is to food as chainsaw is to gun.
posted by munchingzombie at 9:36 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by munchingzombie at 9:36 PM on November 30, 2008
Site down. I think we broke it.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:40 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 9:40 PM on November 30, 2008
Wow I'm gonna patent this and sell the technology to the army for $5 billion. America is great.
posted by martinc6 at 10:42 PM on November 30, 2008
posted by martinc6 at 10:42 PM on November 30, 2008
(On the other hand, it looks like a pretty weak electric drive. I doubt that thing could actually cut down a tree and I'm not sure how easy it would be to actually dismember someone with it)
I have an electric-chainsaw-on-a-pole, which is the same sort of thing I expect this was scavenged from. It's run off a 14.4 volt battery and when it's fresh-charged it will indeed lop big limbs off trees or take out small trees in surprisingly little time.
(It comes on an extensible pole; at the 2 metre setting it looks like the kind of thing you'd design if you spent too much time with WH40K and wanted an excuse to mass-produce chainsaw polearms)
posted by rodgerd at 11:17 PM on November 30, 2008
I have an electric-chainsaw-on-a-pole, which is the same sort of thing I expect this was scavenged from. It's run off a 14.4 volt battery and when it's fresh-charged it will indeed lop big limbs off trees or take out small trees in surprisingly little time.
(It comes on an extensible pole; at the 2 metre setting it looks like the kind of thing you'd design if you spent too much time with WH40K and wanted an excuse to mass-produce chainsaw polearms)
posted by rodgerd at 11:17 PM on November 30, 2008
At first I was going to say how stupid this was, but then I remembered how good it works on giant city sinking worms.
posted by P.o.B. at 1:25 AM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by P.o.B. at 1:25 AM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
"Chainsaw" was my noun for the day. Gucci chainsaw. Chainsaw comics. Chainsaw art. Chainsaw clock. Another chainsaw clock. Chainsaw clown. Another chainsaw clown. Chainsaw poetry. Chainsaw barbershop. Chainsaw dog. Chainsaw Jesus. Rocket propelled chainsaw.
A damn fine noun, that "chainsaw".
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:55 AM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
A damn fine noun, that "chainsaw".
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:55 AM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
Get a decent flash hider with spiky bits on the end and you don't need a bayonet either. A big hard sharp bit of pipe to the face is just as efficient as a blade and a whole lot less likely to snap (the British bayonet issued with the L85A1 was made of the cheapest steel available, an utter piece of shit).
Baby Balrog - I know you're up on your firearms but the M6 came from the US aircrew survival rifle which was adopted in the 1950s. It was replaced by the Armalite AR-7.
Neither of these mount a chainsaw as standard.
posted by longbaugh at 4:23 AM on December 1, 2008
Baby Balrog - I know you're up on your firearms but the M6 came from the US aircrew survival rifle which was adopted in the 1950s. It was replaced by the Armalite AR-7.
Neither of these mount a chainsaw as standard.
posted by longbaugh at 4:23 AM on December 1, 2008
I really appreciated the laugh track, without which I wouldn't have known when to laugh.
posted by telstar at 4:29 AM on December 1, 2008
posted by telstar at 4:29 AM on December 1, 2008
Pshaw. My assault rifle shoots bullets made of chainsaws. I call it the Lumberjack.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:35 AM on December 1, 2008
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:35 AM on December 1, 2008
As awesome as this is; It is probably completely worthless in a fight. Adrenal pumping, running up to a person to finish the job, then all of a sudden mom's famous words, when we were all younger, come back to haunt us "Don't run with scissors!" I doubt they give purple hearts for chainsawing off your own leg due to clumsiness. I still want one for Xmas tho.....
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:37 AM on December 1, 2008
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:37 AM on December 1, 2008
Woot, we're one step closer to making Warhammer 40k a reality!... wait a second...
posted by Vindaloo at 6:47 AM on December 1, 2008
posted by Vindaloo at 6:47 AM on December 1, 2008
In the grim future of the last month of 2008, there is only WAR!
posted by Artw at 9:16 AM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 9:16 AM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I could nearly have been on this list; I was seriously thinking about gutting an old electric chainsaw, mounting it on my AR and sticking a bunch of batteries in the stock. I didn't because 1.) I'm lazy. 2.) As silly as my AR has become (lights, grips, scopes, etc) it is still essentially a shootable rifle. Mounting a chainsaw really adds to the weight and reduces the usability. 3.) I think that the Stabinator would be a better choice.
tkchrist : I have an M6 Scout. It's the only gun I kept after we moved back into the city (I got rid of the pistols).
I like my M6 too, but no way would I choose it over my pistols. (Though I only shoot for fun at the range, so in that respect the handgun is a far superior tool for my needs.)
posted by quin at 9:19 AM on December 1, 2008
tkchrist : I have an M6 Scout. It's the only gun I kept after we moved back into the city (I got rid of the pistols).
I like my M6 too, but no way would I choose it over my pistols. (Though I only shoot for fun at the range, so in that respect the handgun is a far superior tool for my needs.)
posted by quin at 9:19 AM on December 1, 2008
In the video demo, I half thought though he was going to cut off his foot with that thing while he was aiming for the pumpkins rolling around his feet. You really shouldn't go chainsawing off your appendages unless they're infected with evil.
posted by zennie at 9:58 AM on December 1, 2008
posted by zennie at 9:58 AM on December 1, 2008
On the plus side it would give him somewhere to mount a robo-leg, another gun or possibly a road-drill.
posted by Artw at 10:00 AM on December 1, 2008
posted by Artw at 10:00 AM on December 1, 2008
I have a chainsaw. It’s a tool. It’s in my garage. With other tools.
When I have time on my hands I use them for doing work.
Aww, this is cute I s’pose.
Just makes me think “What are you dong out there? Get away from my tools. If you’ve got nothing to do, I’ll find something for you to do.”
Of course, my crochety old-manism is countered by my desire to use my tools to build stuff like trebuchet.
Which can be used to hurl many running chainsaws a good distance.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:28 AM on December 1, 2008 [2 favorites]
When I have time on my hands I use them for doing work.
Aww, this is cute I s’pose.
Just makes me think “What are you dong out there? Get away from my tools. If you’ve got nothing to do, I’ll find something for you to do.”
Of course, my crochety old-manism is countered by my desire to use my tools to build stuff like trebuchet.
Which can be used to hurl many running chainsaws a good distance.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:28 AM on December 1, 2008 [2 favorites]
Wake me when there's a:
shotgun with hedge clippers
flame thrower with weedwacker
rocket launcher with tiller
posted by heathkit at 12:10 PM on December 1, 2008
shotgun with hedge clippers
flame thrower with weedwacker
rocket launcher with tiller
posted by heathkit at 12:10 PM on December 1, 2008
Pssht. Come get me when there's an Automatic Shotclipflamethrowweedwacklaunchtiller.
posted by cashman at 1:00 PM on December 1, 2008
posted by cashman at 1:00 PM on December 1, 2008
Of course, my crochety old-manism is countered by my desire to use my tools to build stuff like trebuchet.
Which can be used to hurl many running chainsaws a good distance.
How about a ball of chainsaws joined at the handles? Man would that be a YouTube hit.
posted by codswallop at 2:14 PM on December 1, 2008
Which can be used to hurl many running chainsaws a good distance.
How about a ball of chainsaws joined at the handles? Man would that be a YouTube hit.
posted by codswallop at 2:14 PM on December 1, 2008
How about a ball of chainsaws joined at the handles? Man would that be a YouTube hit.
It sure would be. Especially after the five or six high school kids turned it on, and it began to race wildly in random directions, digging up turf, mowing through hedges, chasing one kid up a tree, and basically acting like a live-action Acme product ordered by Wile E. Coyote.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:20 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
It sure would be. Especially after the five or six high school kids turned it on, and it began to race wildly in random directions, digging up turf, mowing through hedges, chasing one kid up a tree, and basically acting like a live-action Acme product ordered by Wile E. Coyote.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:20 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
Add monkeys and slinkys to that, and you've got a ball 'o chaos just waiting to be hurled over your neighbors yard.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:12 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Smedleyman at 3:12 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
A friend and I have a game where we try to combine two objects which should never be combined into a single unit that is not only impractical, but dangerous to use. The best one I ever came up with was the gunbulance, but another good one was the jackhammer/chainsaw combination. This chainsaw gun would have been a good one, I wish I had thought of it first.
posted by Jawn at 3:15 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Jawn at 3:15 PM on December 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
tkchrist : I have an M6 Scout. It's the only gun I kept after we moved back into the city (I got rid of the pistols).
I like my M6 too, but no way would I choose it over my pistols. (Though I only shoot for fun at the range, so in that respect the handgun is a far superior tool for my needs.)
After moving into a condo with shared walls I didn't want to have pistols in the house anymore. Especially the SIG. The idea of accidentally discharging a 9 through four neighboring units freaked me out. I keep the M6 purely for my road and outdoor kit. Though, like I said, I might pick up my dads Remington 870 for my survival kit.
posted by tkchrist at 4:04 PM on December 1, 2008
I like my M6 too, but no way would I choose it over my pistols. (Though I only shoot for fun at the range, so in that respect the handgun is a far superior tool for my needs.)
After moving into a condo with shared walls I didn't want to have pistols in the house anymore. Especially the SIG. The idea of accidentally discharging a 9 through four neighboring units freaked me out. I keep the M6 purely for my road and outdoor kit. Though, like I said, I might pick up my dads Remington 870 for my survival kit.
posted by tkchrist at 4:04 PM on December 1, 2008
How about a ball of chainsaws joined at the handles? Man would that be a YouTube hit.
It sure would be. Especially after the five or six high school kids turned it on, and it began to race wildly in random directions, digging up turf, mowing through hedges, chasing one kid up a tree, and basically acting like a live-action Acme product ordered by Wile E. Coyote.
Nah, you'd obviously need to control it by swinging it on the end of a long chain.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:25 PM on December 1, 2008
It sure would be. Especially after the five or six high school kids turned it on, and it began to race wildly in random directions, digging up turf, mowing through hedges, chasing one kid up a tree, and basically acting like a live-action Acme product ordered by Wile E. Coyote.
Nah, you'd obviously need to control it by swinging it on the end of a long chain.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:25 PM on December 1, 2008
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