Larry Flynt needs financial aid

January 8, 2009 2:35 AM

Congress must back sex! According to Larry, "Americans can do without cars and such", but it can't do without sex...and for an extra $5 billion US, he will help Americans do who ever, I mean what ever it takes to get people using porn. However, maybe, just maybe that the decline in sales is due to the free porn access on the net. Another article about it here
posted by Prunedish (46 comments total)

Did you type this post with both hands on the keyboard?
posted by crossoverman at 2:49 AM on January 8, 2009

That this is so patently a stupid. fucking. publicity stunt just irks me beyond all things reasonable. Lest we not consider that $5B is a completely arbitrary figure, let alone far and away completely too high for the sustainability of an industry that employs, relatively speaking, hardly anyone, nor the fact that I'm able to have sex at my leisure without having to pay for it or have it packaged and delivered by a corporation...

If this is Flynt's way of speaking out about the audacity of bail-outs, well, cheers on that. All other excuses are completely ridiculous.

I mean, I get that he's being over-the-top stupid with this on purpose, but it's irking me just how much coverage he's getting. CNN asked "is this just another publicity stunt?" Hey, CNN, don't fucking cover it. That, or publish that I also want a $5B bail-out for my industry of fledgling web development companies. Wait, that's not news? It's getting awfully hard to tell anymore, asshats.

The blue is better than this. (Though I'm more pissed that this is getting any coverage at all than at you directly, Prune.)
posted by disillusioned at 2:52 AM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hirsch believes Flynt and Francis are "just poking fun at all the industries getting bailouts."

Nice understatement. This is what Larry Flynt does. Of course this is him making a commentary on the bailouts, any time there is a political scandal / etc he does something (like paying for money on Republican sex scandals during the Clinton investigations).

And, of course, he gets free publicity out of it.

I would be shocked if he actually thinks he can get money from the government. This stuff fits perfectly with his usual shtick, which I usually find pretty amusing (as in this case).
posted by wildcrdj at 2:56 AM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

At least porn makes a taxable profit unlike, say, Wall Street or GM the past few years.
posted by bardic at 2:59 AM on January 8, 2009

That's right, bardic. You can take that money and laugh all the way to the spank bank.
posted by Effigy2000 at 3:19 AM on January 8, 2009

I can offer my own stimulus package to any ladies that may need a sexy bailout.
posted by dawiz at 3:22 AM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Publicity stunt, of course. And a fine one, in the American tradition.

But easy access to porn has got to be doing serious damage to that business. As a kid, I remember spending way too much time in the lingerie section of the jcpenney catalog. Today, just a couple of clicks and you're at jcpenney.com.

/rimshot
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 3:25 AM on January 8, 2009 [12 favorites]

But easy access to porn has got to be doing serious damage to that business.

'He's so stupid, he can't find porn on the Internet."
posted by eriko at 4:06 AM on January 8, 2009

Anyone who takes this seriously is out of their fucking mind.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:15 AM on January 8, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yes, isn't it lovely? It's funny twice.
posted by ryanrs at 4:19 AM on January 8, 2009

I don't like porn because it commodifies and alienates something that theoretically anybody can do for themselves.
Larry Flynt can go fuck himself.
posted by dunkadunc at 4:34 AM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

(from the first link) ...the limp US economy has thrown cold water on the adult entertainment industry...

The laughs just keep on coming! Keep up the good work, Mr. Flynt.
posted by TedW at 4:38 AM on January 8, 2009

Larry Flynt can go fuck himself.

I thought you just said you didn't like porn.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:45 AM on January 8, 2009

Pepsi spoo
posted by not_on_display at 5:05 AM on January 8, 2009

Countdown had a great analysis of it all last night.
posted by JoeXIII007 at 5:14 AM on January 8, 2009

It's not a "publicity stunt", it's a joke, a very good joke, at the expense of the conga line of unrepentant and incompetent assholes who did get a bailout. I'm surprised to hear such a loud collective "whoosh" as the joke sails over the heads of so many people, even here ... but given the fact that there's a joke there to make about bailouts in the first place, it shouldn't be surprising.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:37 AM on January 8, 2009 [9 favorites]

Hey, they just want a hand to help pull 'em through some hard times!
posted by JB71 at 5:48 AM on January 8, 2009

You fools. Don't you know the Onion is a satirical newspaper?


Oh wait....
posted by Paid In Full at 5:50 AM on January 8, 2009

I'd support a little assistance for the amateur porn market. Maybe primetime on CBS or something we could run a special on the best ways to film yourself getting it on. Because from what I've seen on the internet, lots of people think it's the underneath-the-balls closeup. It's not. No, it's not.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:25 AM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Obviously, though, America can't afford to do this bailout without some accountability from the porn industry. We'll need a Porn Czar.
posted by bclark at 6:34 AM on January 8, 2009

This is so patently a fabulous publicity/political commentary initiative it fills me with delight. But then I'm a fan of absurdest comedy.
posted by juiceCake at 6:35 AM on January 8, 2009

Yeah but if porn is the reason everyone got high-speed internet, maybe Larry's right.
posted by ChickenringNYC at 6:47 AM on January 8, 2009

Well, I wrote the AIG CEO and asked for a personal bailout. I figure he's still got enough cash on hand to change my life. I also wrote one the Paulson and asked for a bailout for my website. I beat these jokers by a good month or more. I didn't get responses (or CNN coverage). Maybe I need to get some nude women on my sites.

And let me be the first to say, "Astro Zombie for Porn Czar!"
posted by cjorgensen at 6:49 AM on January 8, 2009

I'd rather my tax dollars went to the porn industry than to the banking industry, or the IDF, for that matter.

Not that a taxpayer's opinion matters or anything.
posted by fourcheesemac at 7:08 AM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

We Canadians could use a bailout too, don't you realize that you're draging us down with you? If Canada doesn't get a bailout from the US congress we might stop producing so many good comedians, think of the ripple effect it would have, it might kill the entire US comedy industry!

I figure $300B should do it, that's roughly $1000 per person after my 1% cut for coming up with such a great way to save US culture.
posted by Vindaloo at 7:11 AM on January 8, 2009

I accept your nomination and will make it my mission to thrust forward and upward into a future of unlimited and exhausting satisfaction.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:03 AM on January 8, 2009

We need a new political party to address the needs of Pornographic Americans: Gentlemen, I give you The Sex Party


(NSFW of course)
posted by The Whelk at 8:07 AM on January 8, 2009

I don't like porn because it commodifies and alienates something that theoretically anybody can do for themselves.

Well, I suppose it is theoretically possible that I could be having sex with Jasmine Byrne, but I find the likelihood fairly low. Until then, the world will settle with the simulacra.
posted by FatherDagon at 8:10 AM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

Larry Flynt can go fuck himself.

Well technically... he can't.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:11 AM on January 8, 2009

I don't like porn because it commodifies and alienates something that theoretically anybody can do for themselves.

That's precisely why I do like it. It's like cooking. Sure I can do it for myself, but there's so many other people willing to do it for me for a little cash.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:18 AM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

theoretically anybody can do for themselves

Isn't this the Costanza Law of Manhattan Parking?

wow, the Mefi spellchecker is a Seinfeld fan
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8:27 AM on January 8, 2009

It's not a bailout, it's a stimulus package! Uh ...
posted by raysmj at 8:29 AM on January 8, 2009

This is a big deal, for real. People are laughing, but pornographers (especially the ones who started out in the pre-internet days) are in a shitty spot financially, not just from the recession, but from the wide selection of stuff online for free. I have a fairly well known porn director in my family and his business is hurting because of these factors. He apparently had to go back to putting men in his movies (when it was previously almost exclusively lesbian) to cater to a more mainstream demand. I don't exactly feel sorry for him, but it is odd to see this happening.
posted by piratebowling at 8:46 AM on January 8, 2009

Obviously, though, America can't afford to do this bailout without some accountability from the porn industry. We'll need a Porn Czar.
posted by bclark at 6:34 AM on January 8 [+] [!]

Laura Bush for Porn Czar....oh come on someone had to think it!!
posted by malter51 at 9:10 AM on January 8, 2009

do who ever, I mean what ever

Very good. Very good. That got a laugh out of me.
posted by flipyourwig at 9:41 AM on January 8, 2009

I don't like porn because it commodifies and alienates something that theoretically anybody can do for themselves.

I don't like automobiles because they poison the air, emit too much carbon, kill more children and young adults than any other cause of death, and often turn reasonable people into raging assholes.

Good on ya, Larry Flynt. One of the true American heroes.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:26 AM on January 8, 2009

oops, forgot my reference link on the death stats ... which also likely need to be qualified by "in the US."
posted by mrgrimm at 11:28 AM on January 8, 2009

I heard about this last night and thought it was hilarious. I think everyone should get a few millions bucks for a bailout, since, you know, all us Americans are tax payers right? I don't give two shits about the fact that our auto industry is goin g down the toilet and haven't cared about them since they outsourced most of the manufacturing to other countries. Roger & Me, donchaknow. So if they get a bailout, I want one too.
I have lots of debt I need to pay off so I can buy some new stuff, thus single-handedly fixing the economy. Please send me my bailout next.
posted by Bageena at 12:20 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

We'll need a Porn Czar.

Caligula?
posted by infinitewindow at 12:24 PM on January 8, 2009

I don't see why so many people are getting ticked off by this. (other than their 'moral' convictions) And yes, It IS an action of political commentary. I highly doubt he thinks he'll get the money.

However, one of the things all of these news reports are leaving out is how many BILLIONS of dollars the porn industry generates per year. I can't find the link, but I read that in 2006 porn made more money than all american professional sports did combined. If your a capitalist it's not a proposition to just fluff off. (sorry for the pun)
posted by noriyori at 12:34 PM on January 8, 2009

If your a capitalist it's not a proposition to just fluff off.

That's the second layer of the joke. Why the hell not? On purely socioeconomic grounds, porn and automaking are much of a muchness: both employ a lot of people to do challenging and somewhat dangerous work for not much money, and benefit a few people who make a lot of money but face very little personal danger. Automaking's primary resources are metal (which is effectively infinite, given that about 60% of the planet is made out of it, the difficulty being extracting and converting it) and plastic (which really isn't); porn's primary resources are video tech, which is always advancing anyway, and attractive and exhibitionistic people (probably 90% women), and there will always be more of them turning 18 than there are of them turning 35. Porn's a primary production industry in the same sort of way that farming a plant crop is, only better, because the crop grows everywhere and the producer only has to spend a bit of effort harvesting it. Porn's a lot more recession-proof than automaking - that the big porn producers are suffering in the economic crisis has more to do with them being big, and therefore diversified into more vulnerable areas of the economy (how many houses and mainstream shops do Larry Flynt's companies own?) than the free availability of porn. Porn is a luxury good, that is largely available (arguably at a lower quality, or at least, lesser specificity) for free: in times of economic hardship, people will cut back, but the same applies to car purchases.

The reason why automakers got a bailout and porn won't, is sleazy asshole connection schmoozing politics. Either both are justifiable on economic grounds, or neither are. Which in turn reveals why the bailouts are occurring at all.

Now there is an argument to be raised about bailout selection on policy grounds, ie stimulus of "socially desirable" industries, but (a) automaking really isn't, on the whole, socially desirable; (b) the financial finagling of Paulson and his friends is considerably less socially desirable than automaking, porn, alcopops and pedo-panic journalism all rolled up together, and it got the biggest bailout first out of the box; (d) there are many industries--mainstream arts for example--which are irreproachably socially desirable, yet aren't getting a bailout either.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 1:19 PM on January 8, 2009

sleazy asshole connection schmoozing

I got the $2.99 trial subscription to that one and forgot to cancel; that's a $19.99 mistake I won't make again.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:27 PM on January 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

I lost my porno gig two months ago, Playboy should have gone along with this, they're on their last leg, moreso than Larry Flynt and Joe Francis.
posted by davros42 at 2:06 PM on January 8, 2009

Larry Flynt should be the Porn Czar. America needs him.
posted by homunculus at 2:08 PM on January 8, 2009

He just laid off two of my friends, and still flies around in a private jet.
posted by klangklangston at 9:16 AM on January 9, 2009

God. More shameless promotion. I think I can top that.
posted by ViceList at 12:50 PM on January 28, 2009