Never forget

June 4, 2009 2:49 PM

Today marks the 5th anniversary of Marvin Heemeyer's killdozer rampage in Granby, Colorado. This resulted in the destruction of 13 buildings and an estimated $7 million in damage, a surreal heavy equipment duel with the police, and Heemeyer himself the sole casualty. Watch a fan-assembled montage of footage from the event.
posted by 7segment (50 comments total)

I'm torn. On one hand, I am confused that this insanity-driven event has "fans." On the other hand, TRUCK CRUSH!!
posted by not_on_display at 2:55 PM on June 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

.
posted by Damn That Television at 2:57 PM on June 4, 2009

http://www.metal-archives.com/band.php?id=3540267253
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 3:00 PM on June 4, 2009

I am confused that this insanity-driven event has "fans."

Seriously. The guy shot himself. Other than a /b/tard, what kind of sick fuck would describe himself as a "fan" of suicide?
posted by dersins at 3:00 PM on June 4, 2009

Other than a /b/tard, what kind of sick fuck would describe himself as a "fan" of suicide?

It strikes me that I may have answered my own question.
posted by dersins at 3:00 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

You know what you people are? Judgers, that is what.
posted by Jackalope at 3:03 PM on June 4, 2009

and playa haters
posted by Flashman at 3:06 PM on June 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

Seriously. The guy shot himself. Other than a /b/tard, what kind of sick fuck would describe himself as a "fan" of suicide?

I don't think they're suicide fans. They're Killdozer fans.
posted by mr_roboto at 3:06 PM on June 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

he hours approaching, to give it your best
You've got to reach your prime.
That’s when you need to put yourself to the test
And show us a passage of time
Were going to need a montage (montage!)
Ooh it takes a montage (montage!)
posted by Smedleyman at 3:14 PM on June 4, 2009

I got a kick out of the comments:

*Marv was the greatest American who ever lived.

*AMERICA! F$%K YEAH!!!

*Happy birthday! I hope you're pushing clouds in heaven.
posted by bonobothegreat at 3:19 PM on June 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Creepy smiley picture btw. And teh whole "God prepared me for this" thing.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:19 PM on June 4, 2009

Killdozer!: Volume III: The Complete Stories of Theodore Sturgeon is a pretty awesome book.
posted by GuyZero at 3:21 PM on June 4, 2009

Caution, montage video has truly awful music.
posted by Pantengliopoli at 3:22 PM on June 4, 2009

That's not Killdozer. This is Killdozer.

Yeah, I figured I'd post the stereotypical beer party-thrash band over the sludge/noise band for the lulz.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 3:22 PM on June 4, 2009

I imagine his family is thrilled to know that the lead-up to his death has a fan club.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 3:25 PM on June 4, 2009

Killdozer

And here's a video of Killdozer (the band) covering Sweet Home Alabama, just because it fucking rocks.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:27 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

For the rest of us, there's Grand Theft Auto
posted by Flashman at 3:28 PM on June 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

I got a kick out of the comments:

*Marv was the greatest American who ever lived.

*AMERICA! F$%K YEAH!!!

*Happy birthday! I hope you're pushing clouds in heaven.

I offer a prayer: May they be perpetually preoccupied by YouTube.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:35 PM on June 4, 2009

Happy Killdozer Rampage Day everyone!
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 3:41 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Local and state police, including a SWAT team, walked behind and beside the bulldozer occasionally firing, but the armored bulldozer was impervious to their shots.

Picturing that is pretty funny. Slowest, most sloth-like rampage ever.

"God built me for this job"

What a cock. Really, if demolishing a few ugly, inconsequential buildings in Bumfuck, Colorado in a hilariously slow and farcical manner before blowing your brains out while stuck in the basement of Gamble's Hardware Store - all over the matter of 2.4 metres of land - was God's mission for you, then it's time to find a new God.
posted by fire&wings at 3:45 PM on June 4, 2009 [6 favorites]

I never thought anyone could successfully make light of a suicidal rampage, but the first 15 seconds of this video made me a convert. via.
posted by datacenter refugee at 3:50 PM on June 4, 2009 [14 favorites]

I wouldn't call it a "duel" with the police because that implies that the local police had means of stopping him, when in fact they were pretty impotent. Had the bulldozer not overheated and had he not driven into a basement and gotten stuck, Heemeyer would have presumably continued the rampage until the dozer ran out of fuel.

At which point, he probably still would have shot himself because, after all, he was sealed inside.
posted by cyclopticgaze at 3:54 PM on June 4, 2009

Even rocky had a montage (montage)
posted by wayofthedodo at 3:55 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

That's extra pathetic to not only go on a killing spree, but do it with an armored killing machine with two mounted rifles and not manage to kill anyone. I'm thankful he didn't think to include rotating turrets, flamethrowers, or an extensible device to siphon gas.

Also, given SWAT's propensity for collecting toys, why don't they have flamethrowers or anti-tank weapons?
posted by BrotherCaine at 4:09 PM on June 4, 2009

Never heard of this. Just reinforces my ongoing belief that life is much stranger than fiction. You couldn't make this up.
posted by Xurando at 4:21 PM on June 4, 2009

Intellectuals Are the Shoeshine Boys of the Ruling Elite.
posted by Sailormom at 4:35 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm just a degree of separation away from the man, and I have come to the conclusion that Marvin Heemeyer is the complement to D.B. Cooper
posted by blasdelf at 4:35 PM on June 4, 2009

I wonder what his contingency plan was if he had left the keys outside before he sealed himself up in his killdozer.
posted by ooga_booga at 4:36 PM on June 4, 2009

"I'm thankful he didn't think to include rotating turrets, flamethrowers, or an extensible device to siphon gas."

*scribbles in notebook*
Flamethrowers were mostly used to suck air out of bunkers. They might have gone with a molotov cocktail here for the same effect, but probably would have caused more property damage. Guy who got up on the thing could have poured gas in it tho. *shrug*
Anti-tank weaponry, same deal, specialized weapon that can do a lot of incidental damage you don't want. Some halfwit in some department would probably requisition for that stuff though.

A small amount of compound explosive could have severed the treads. Dynamite. Maybe gunpowder, if it was tamped. Dunno. Plenty of other ways to attack the treads. Or they could have plugged the exhaust (enough silly putty works), I don't know how the fuel system was protected.

But it's easy to speculate from outside the situation. During the second intifada the Israelis used armored D9s against the Palestinians, they took RPG hits and shrugged them off. At Jenin they ran over houses and IEDs - even took hits from 100kg belly charges (untamped).
So, yeah, tough one. I think shooing people away to protect them and waiting him out was a pretty decent move. No one other than him killed.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:40 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Other than a /b/tard, what kind of sick fuck would describe himself as a "fan" of suicide?
posted by william_boot at 4:44 PM on June 4, 2009

To really demonstrate his omnipotence, his machine should have had a bumper sticker that read "Just Weld It".
posted by Tube at 5:03 PM on June 4, 2009

Yes this dude was crazy. Yes he could have really hurt some people.

But, you have to admit that there is something tragically poetic about someone making that final decision to seal themselves into a machine that they have no way of ever escaping. This guy had conviction. (Preemptively noting: "You know who else had conviction?")

With the right spin and some Shining-esque reimaginings, this story could be like an updated Mr Smith Goes to Washington.

Man fights city halls and loses. Man decides to apply a little American can do spirit to the situation. With a little bit of elbow grease and some good old fashion know how, he shows those mean fat bureaucrats a thing or two.

I recommend Mel Gibson as the director.
posted by Telf at 5:14 PM on June 4, 2009

Local and state police, including a SWAT team, walked behind and beside the bulldozer occasionally firing, but the armored bulldozer was impervious to their shots.

I guess none of them saw "Saving Private Ryan" or they would have used sticky bombs.
posted by digsrus at 5:16 PM on June 4, 2009

A small amount of compound explosive could have severed the treads. Dynamite. . .

Manner Gegen Panzer
posted by @troy at 5:21 PM on June 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

The victims in this case were the insurance companies who had to pay out big time for what Heemeyer did. Nobody died or was injured, so all damage done was monetary; and with insurance, that's easily fixed.

Apparently he fired a semi-automatic rifle at oncoming law enforcement, so he's not really noble.
posted by WalterMitty at 5:25 PM on June 4, 2009

Smedleyman: "During the second intifada the Israelis used armored D9s against the Palestinians"

EXCELLENT! Smedley, you have bridged the gap between Tienanmin Square, Killdozer, and Rachel Corrie!
posted by mwhybark at 5:28 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Man fights city halls and loses.

Maybe. It seemed to me like he sold land to a family who wanted to build a cement plant, jacking up the price right before the sale, and then tried to stop the construction of said concrete plant. Why in the hell didn't he knock himself out a right-of-way through the property that was his before he sold it?
posted by setanor at 5:56 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

But, you have to admit that there is something tragically poetic about someone making that final decision to seal themselves into a machine that they have no way of ever escaping.

See, I'm seeing an entitled asshole who threw an incredibly dangerous tantrum because he had accidentally screwed himself with his own wildcatting real estate transaction.

Tomato, tomahto.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:25 PM on June 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

I recommend Mel Gibson as the director.

I'm sorry, but Werner Herzog is the director of this film.
posted by brevator at 6:33 PM on June 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

I'm a little surprised that not one cop had his own M82. Or that they didn't think to get some stout chains or cables and hooks and use a few more bulldozers to haul the offending killdozer away from its bricky victims and immobilize it.

Also, a year and a half is a long time to stay that pissed off.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:19 PM on June 4, 2009

Cars have keys. Bulldozers have bees!

Sorry. Couldn't resist.
posted by enamon at 7:21 PM on June 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

Weird thread. I lived in Granby for three years when I was little and now live in Madison, home of Killdozer.
posted by aaronetc at 8:20 PM on June 4, 2009

...this story could be like an updated Mr Smith Goes to Washington.

Like this guy?
posted by exogenous at 8:26 PM on June 4, 2009

"Do bulldozers have keys?"
Some do. Mostly universal type keys. But there's killswitches and whatnot. Other ways to secure them.

I think the crucial bit is that this guy had no attachments. I mean - you don't spend a year and a half working on a killdozer if you're married and have kids. He'd have kids playing in it. There'd be a bike parked in front of it. Writing in crayon all over it. And yeah - the keys would be gone. It'd be parked out back for a while. Then he'd go use the armor for something else. Bits and pieces would disappear. Eventually he'd sell the thing and with the money finance a new small business just to get out of the house and forget about trying to build the damned thing.
Did I mention I was working on building a custom motorcycle?
posted by Smedleyman at 9:26 PM on June 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

"Do bulldozers have keys?"
Some do. Mostly universal type keys.

Yeah. A buddy of mine once took "Road Closed Due to Construction" as a recommendation rather than an absolute - his Jeep Cherokee ended up stuck where the road ended...
Fortunately, he was working for a construction company at the time time and - low and behold - his key for the heavy equipment fit that at the site... so he used the nearby backhoe to unstick the jeep.

There was minor cosmetic damage.


Also,
I wonder if Marvin Heemeyer now spends his days playing ping-pong with Shawn Nelson.
(warning: terrible voice over ... recommended volume = 0)

KillDozer and the Tank.

Worst detective show concept ever?
The WWE tag team you love to hate?
Premier Morning Zoo duo?

I don't know.
posted by sloe at 10:00 PM on June 4, 2009

And people say Americans don't build anything anymore.
posted by drdanger at 10:10 PM on June 4, 2009

At the special day for kids to climb on construction equipment in our town last year, a guy letting us sit in the cab of a huge Caterpillar loader explained that they can now do remote diagnostics on the leased equipment -- and also remotely disable the engine if you fall behind on your payments.

So, no bombs/chains/white-hat-dozer-teams required, just a phone call to the local Cat rep.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:58 AM on June 5, 2009

For the rest of us, there's Grand Theft Auto

I think Blast Corps is more appropriate.
posted by Evilspork at 11:49 AM on June 5, 2009

See also:
Tank Rampage Dude.
18-Wheeler Rampage Dude.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:30 PM on June 5, 2009

So did he post a youtube video montage of himself welding armor plating on with A-Team music in the background?
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:02 PM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]