Go Purple Pounders!

October 6, 2009 9:03 AM

Thirty-One Unbelievable High School Mascots
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 (179 comments total)

My favorite isn't on the list. In Cairo, Illinois, the high school team is the Pilots. Nothing funny there. But that's for the boys. The girls are the Co-Pilots.
posted by sachinag at 9:07 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

Back in the day, my Dad's H.S. played a team from Pekin, Illinois--the Chinks.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:07 AM on October 6, 2009

a team from Pekin, Illinois--the Chinks.

Oh yes. Their ice skating rink was the "Chink Rink."
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:09 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

No mention of the Fighting Whities? For shame. Sure, it's a college team, but still...
posted by jquinby at 9:09 AM on October 6, 2009 [4 favorites]

31 awesome and awkward euphemisms to try on a loved one tonight.

Personal favorite? "Avon Old Farms Winged Beavers", wink wink.
posted by 2bucksplus at 9:09 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

In Poca, WV the teams are called the Dots.
posted by netbros at 9:11 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Those are great - I particularly like the Meloneers. There are some good ones in the comments too (and some great extra insight: "Idaho’s mental hospital is in the town of Orofino, home of the Maniacs.")
posted by patricio at 9:12 AM on October 6, 2009

Go Nads!
posted by DU at 9:13 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

What, no Huguenots?
posted by brina at 9:14 AM on October 6, 2009

My college teams were the proud, warlike Blue Hose.
posted by MrMoonPie at 9:14 AM on October 6, 2009

I always thought my HS mascot, a violent Canadian woodsman, was a little bizarre considering the fact that we were situated in suburban New Jersey.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:15 AM on October 6, 2009

I went to Ridgefield High, home of the Spudders. There weren't as many pranks involving potato guns as you might think.
posted by Caduceus at 9:15 AM on October 6, 2009

Go Dickenson MIDGETS!
posted by JBennett at 9:16 AM on October 6, 2009

My school's teams were the Popes and the Lady Popes.

LADY. POPES.
posted by desjardins at 9:18 AM on October 6, 2009 [49 favorites]

Considering most urban places like my hometown where we had: the Saints, Panthers, Yellow Jackets, etc, I think these mascots are pretty awesome and original.
posted by parmanparman at 9:18 AM on October 6, 2009

I have a fuzzy memory of 60 minutes or Nightline story from the 90's on a mascot for a high school located on an Indian Reservation out west. It was a white guy in a suit with a mustache and a briefcase. They were called something like the 'Fightin' Caucasians'. Phrases like 'We'll sue you!' were incorporated into their cheers.

It was the best response to team names using Native American symbols that I've ever heard of.
posted by Alison at 9:19 AM on October 6, 2009 [26 favorites]

All of these pale beside the majesty of the Steveston Packers. (The cigar-chomping fishing boat is a reference to the fish packing plant in this old Japanese fishing village near Vancouver).
posted by Turtles all the way down at 9:20 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Alison, see here
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:20 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

Is it just me or is Illinois a bit over-represented? (Centraillia is here too). Funny, son's soccer team played the Porters last week.
posted by cgk at 9:23 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

My school had the same mascot as The Millionaires (top hat, cane, and gloves), but we were called The Governors or sometimes just The Guvs.
posted by FunkyHelix at 9:24 AM on October 6, 2009

Awesome, the logo is even better than I remember! I was picturing Eddie Murphy in his 'White Like Me' sketch, which is really weird now that I think about it.
posted by Alison at 9:24 AM on October 6, 2009

Rhinelander Hodags (a hodag is the Wisconsin version of the Jersey Devil).
posted by steef at 9:24 AM on October 6, 2009

WRT the Hesston Swathers, I had to look up "swather." I thought that the mascot was a couch and that it referred to fabric or something.
posted by exogenous at 9:25 AM on October 6, 2009

Maybe it's because my local single-A baseball team is also the Kernels, but I don't find that mascot particularly zany. The saucy wink is a nice touch, though.
posted by epj at 9:25 AM on October 6, 2009

My middle school (whose building used to be the high school) was the Lizards. My high school was the Dragons. I always thought that was at least mildly clever.

ObSporcle.
posted by kmz at 9:25 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

As one of the millions of Americans whose school mascot from elementary to high school was the Wildcat, I can't help but feel a little bitter.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:26 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm a big fan of the mascot of the local team, the Hollywood Sheiks.
posted by Bookhouse at 9:27 AM on October 6, 2009

What's great is when you have the trogans as a mascot, the cheers practically write themselves.
posted by hellojed at 9:27 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I actually kind of liked the Awesome Blossoms- it was very tongue-in-cheek, low-budget, yet kind of cool.
posted by dunkadunc at 9:28 AM on October 6, 2009

Arkansas School for the Deaf Leopards

made. of. rawk.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:31 AM on October 6, 2009 [7 favorites]

Northampton High in PA: the Konkrete Kids.

And then in Texas, the Hutto Hippos.

What would Metafilter's high school mascot be?

The MeFi Blues?
The MeFi Fightin' Banhammers?
posted by chasing at 9:31 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

What's the big deal about the Vintage Crushers? It's grapes, not people, people!
posted by iamkimiam at 9:31 AM on October 6, 2009

Stuyvesant Peglegs, represent!

Though the football team was never at all successful while I was there, nobody ever seemed to blame it on the mascot having one leg.
posted by Bromius at 9:33 AM on October 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

My (first) high school mascot was a carp. Yes, seriously. Why? Scool motto: carpe diem. Yes, really. Opposing schools at tournaments would yell "Squish the fish" and in one significant volleyball game actually squished a goldfish on the court. Our team walked off.

Second highschool was the predictably boring Bulldogs.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:34 AM on October 6, 2009

FunkyHelix, you didn't go to school in Clarksville, TN, did you? My school's mascot is also the Governors...

Growing up my two local high schools were, I kid you not, the Trojans and the Beavers. Proof that there is a God, as far as I'm concerned....
posted by WidgetAlley at 9:34 AM on October 6, 2009

You forgot about Frisco TX!
"In March 2002, the Frisco school board voted to change the name of Frisco High School’s mascot from the Fighting Coons to the Fighting Raccoons. "

Or how about Sultan HS: Home of the Turks?
posted by soupy at 9:34 AM on October 6, 2009

WOLVERINES!
posted by clearly at 9:34 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm amused to see the Poca, WV Dots are included (#5). In middle school, we always giggled when playing Poca Middle School... PMS with a big red dot as a mascot.
posted by wg at 9:36 AM on October 6, 2009 [6 favorites]

Ok, most of these suck, but Atom Smashers is awesome! (if difficult to make a costume for without Penn and Teller assisting)
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:37 AM on October 6, 2009

Watersmeet Nimrods (Watersmeet, Michigan)

I think this - a perfect combination of town name and mascot - should replace "cellar door" as the most beautiful phrase in the English language. I mean: Watersmeet. Nimrods. Amazing.

One of my high schools was the "New Milford Green Wave", because the school was once situated on top of a hill and surrounded by other hills that made a continuous green wave. It's a beautifuly poetic image, but terrible for making a mascot or evoking fear into the hearts of our enemies. So, yeah, it goes without saying we lost every football game.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 9:38 AM on October 6, 2009 [6 favorites]

Yeah, Atom Smashers is the best team name I've ever heard.
posted by oinopaponton at 9:39 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Heeey, the Fisher Bunnies. I was surprised to see them on the list. Admittedly we thought their name change was kind of amusing at first, as well, but after they fucked our softball team up a few times it wasn't so funny anymore.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 9:40 AM on October 6, 2009

The list doesn't include my personal favorite, the Fort Collins Fighting Lambkins. I remain unimpressed.

Of course, neither does it include the Pius XI Popes -- and their counterparts, the Lady Popes. Who says women can't get ordained?
posted by Madamina at 9:41 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Mesquite High, in Texas, is the Mesquite Skeeters. It's supposed to be an angry looking mosquito, but if you are at all familiar with modern slang, it comes across as something different. Needless to say, the pep signs before the game against them were always fun ("Skeet on the Skeeters", etc).

I was glad to see the New Braunfels Unicorns on there. My elementary school was new, and so we got to pick the mascot. In the final round of voting we voted between the two highest-scoring student suggestions, the tigers and the unicorns. Unicorns won by a landslide, but the administration decided to go with the tigers instead. I remember it as one of the great injustices of my youth (being a young girl at the time, I was firmly in the unicorn camp).
posted by internet!Hannah at 9:44 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

Middle school - the Manchester Majestics. Who needs a noun anyway?
posted by radicarian at 9:44 AM on October 6, 2009

The Cuero, TX Fightin' Gobblers have had quite a bit of success.
posted by Daddy-O at 9:45 AM on October 6, 2009

Lompoc, California has two main high schools, and their mascots are the Lompoc Braves and the Cabrillo Conquistadores. The pairing is even more awkward because Cabrillo is near Vandenberg AFB, and is typically labeled as the richer, whiter of the two schools. And someone decided that the Braves logo should be that of a sad Native American guy (really, there is no joy in his face).

Weird college mascots: Amherst has Lord Jeff, and Williams has a purple cow named Ephelia.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:45 AM on October 6, 2009

Also, I think there should be a list of the absurb girls team names, in the same vein as the Lady Popes mentioned above. One of our rival high schools had a Ram mascot. The girls' teams? The Lady Rams.
posted by internet!Hannah at 9:46 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Someone in the comments mentioned that the high school in my town has the galloping ghosts -- with the female teams called the lady ghosts. The support bumper stickers say "I believe in Ghost" which I sort of like. This is Randolph Union High School or as we all call it "RU High"
posted by jessamyn at 9:46 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

Similarly, we often got marginally beat out by the Schlarman Hilltoppers, whose mascot kind of looked like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man wearing a hat a-la the Cat-in-the-hat. In trying to find an image of it I now find that no one has any clue what a goddamned hilltopper actually is.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 9:47 AM on October 6, 2009

I expected my high school to be on there, and it was. Number 20, "The Porters." We didn't really have a mascot, nobody in costume or anything. The school logo is what's pictured there, it's a tugboat.
posted by borkencode at 9:47 AM on October 6, 2009

What would Metafilter's high school mascot be?

The Fightin' Dick Punchers.

I mean, we already have the anthem and all...
posted by quin at 9:48 AM on October 6, 2009 [5 favorites]

What would Metafilter's high school mascot be?

The Blue Snarkies.
posted by the painkiller at 9:56 AM on October 6, 2009

My college teams were the proud, warlike Blue Hose.

I see we went to the same undergraduate institution.
posted by dortmunder at 9:59 AM on October 6, 2009

I'd love to see the Atom Smashers face Philadelphia's Ben Franklin High: The Electrons!

My high school mascot was a Ford. And not a cool Mustang or T-Bird, but a lousy Model A with bent wheels!
posted by sixpack at 9:59 AM on October 6, 2009

They don't look all that stoned.
posted by TwelveTwo at 10:00 AM on October 6, 2009

Fighting and sometimes striving;
Wondering what the Dumple is.
Excellence, and what is valor?
And The Cheat will hit stuff with a golf club.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:01 AM on October 6, 2009 [5 favorites]

We had a Lady Rams at my Jr. High too...and my niece's HS was the fighting Bulls, with the girl's team...the Lady Bulls. No one wants to be called an ewe or a cow, I suppose.

Locally, we also have the Farmer's Branch Fightin' Farmers and the Weatherford (TX) Kangaroos. Or Ragin' Roos, if you like.
posted by emjaybee at 10:02 AM on October 6, 2009

My buddy's tech high school, which didn't really compete in sports, decided to field a tennis team. But they needed a mascot. So for that one year, they were the Paisley Amoebas. Dorky? Oh yes.
posted by notsnot at 10:05 AM on October 6, 2009

In Apache Junction, AZ, we were the Prospectors. That sounds boring, but our mascot was an old man in coveralls wielding a pickaxe. It was the weirdest plushie costume I've ever seen.
posted by hermitosis at 10:06 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

robocop is bleeding: "As one of the millions of Americans whose school mascot from elementary to high school was the Wildcat, I can't help but feel a little bitter."

We were the Wildcats. The basketball team I played on refused to use it. We used Alleycats instead.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:07 AM on October 6, 2009

They forgot the Butte Pirates of Arco, Idaho. (Current-ish news article on the team; they may have dropped the logo but they kept the name!)
posted by rkent at 10:07 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Burhanistan: "I'm surprised the East Crenshaw High Swingin' Penis and Engorged Testes didn't make the list."

Well, but you get the Evergreen State geoducks, which kinda look like one. At least according to Dave Barry in one of his columns.

Siphon high, squirt it out,
swivel all about,
let it all hang out.
posted by PontifexPrimus at 10:08 AM on October 6, 2009

My high school was the Greenway Demons. My senior year there was a huge dust-up when the local busybodies tried to ram a mascot change down our throats. That attempt was soundly defeated and the school constitution changed to ward off any future attempts.

I thought it was nice symmetry that our high school fed a lot of the student body straight over to A.S.U.
posted by djeo at 10:09 AM on October 6, 2009

Man, I love these. (My high school was the Warriors, but then I went to a college where the mascot is a kangaroo named after a rubber shoe).
posted by box at 10:14 AM on October 6, 2009

My high school was the Hampton Crabbers. Nothing like a pep rally singing "You can't crush a crab....." And a guy in a giant crab costume running around.
posted by white_devil at 10:15 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

My high school was better than yours (if you went to Miami Southwest Sr.).
posted by oddman at 10:16 AM on October 6, 2009

My SO's high school's mascot was the Trojans (Topeka, KS). Not that big of a deal except when they played Siemen High School.
posted by Bueller at 10:17 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

My high school and college teams both had mascots totally unrelated to the team nickname. The Quakers (a kangaroo mascot, obviously) and the Maroons (a Phoenix, which just really looked like a chicken).
posted by Pax at 10:17 AM on October 6, 2009

I can't help being struck by the fatalism of so many of these names. Like, "sure we're letting you go to school now and learn about the world, and we'll let you play football and be a big man for a while. But enjoy it, because once that's done you're going to get sent to the paper mill like everyone else."
posted by Naberius at 10:19 AM on October 6, 2009

My all-girls' high school's (Derham Hall, St. Paul, MN) teams were the Dollies. When I went, we had some good teams, and "Hello, Dolly" became our theme song at state tournaments. I still think it's cute, but I can't really envision the era in which it was selected and everyone decided it was a good name.

DER-ham! DOL-Lies! Clap clap clap clap clap!
posted by GaelFC at 10:20 AM on October 6, 2009

dirtynumbangelboy, did you go to Earl Haig? Haigers represent! I didn't know about the "squish the fish" thing, but I don't thnk I ever went to more than a couple games. It was pretty appropriate for our Dragonboat teams, at least (I love explaining to people here in the States that my high school had no football team, but we ruled in girl's rugby and Dragonboat.

What I loved was that, in drawings (like on our gym clothes), the fish looked more like an angry piranha, but the actual mascot costume had the biggest red smiling lips, friendliest fish I ever saw. Also that most people would pronounce it CARP diem when we sang the school song, except for the nerds (myself often included) who would shout "CARPE!" loudly. Well, the mascot's name was spelled The Carpe, anyway.
posted by ilana at 10:22 AM on October 6, 2009

My high school's mascot was the Chemic. No one knows what a Chemic is.
posted by lexicakes at 10:24 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

My high school had the whippet as a mascot. But my favorite story is from my college -- NYU. At the time I was there, there were two mascots -- the Violets and the Bobcats.

The Bobcat was fairly new as a mascot, and there's a story behind it -- NYU was....not known for its athletics, shall we say. And the fact that our mascot was a damn flower kind of underscored that. But during the 80's, NYU was undergoing a push to attract more residential students, and part of that was trying to increase its athletic visibility just a bit. However, a lot of students weren't keen on the idea of a flower as a mascot.

So why Bobcat?

Well -- at about the same time, NYU's Bobst library was undergoing a renaissance of its own -- by computerizing its card catalog. This computerized catalog was dubbed BobCat, short for "Bobst Catalog."

So -- in essence -- NYU's mascots are a flower and a library filing system.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:25 AM on October 6, 2009 [4 favorites]

I've been following with amusement the attempt to establish Keggy the Keg as the Dartmouth College mascot.
posted by A dead Quaker at 10:26 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

My school happened to be the River Rats. Story goes that in the 70's the school started using Rat Fink as their mascot until Ed Roth threatened to sue.
posted by orville sash at 10:26 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I had a friend who had gone to a Quaker college (Earlham, I think). She told me one day that her alumni report had mentioned that they were changing the name of the football team from the "Fighting Quakers," since fighting was a bad adjective for Quakers. I asked what they changed it to, and she replied. "The Hustling Quakers." I burst out laughing, and she looked puzzled. "Woudst thou like a date?" I explained. Then we all had a good laugh. Oh, those were the days.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:28 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

i always thought the Mt. Clemens battling Bathers was a great name. Apparently they used to have spring baths back in the day.
posted by Max Power at 10:29 AM on October 6, 2009

What would Metafilter's high school mascot be?

In guessing the Snarky Pancakes
posted by ElvisJesus at 10:29 AM on October 6, 2009

No mention of the Richland Bombers? Their mascot is a mushroom cloud!
posted by mrzarquon at 10:30 AM on October 6, 2009

In Anchorage, Service High School has the Service Cougars. Cougars aren't such an odd mascot, but when I first saw the "Service Cougar" t-shirts all I could think of were the many other odd service animals in this article. Cougars don't seem so far fetched now.
posted by stinker at 10:32 AM on October 6, 2009

What would Metafilter's high school mascot be?

The Platin' Beans
posted by jquinby at 10:33 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm in favor of the Overthought Plates o' Beans as the mascot.

And, of course, for the cheer:

Be! Passive-aggressive! B-E passive-aggressive!
B-E-P-A-S-S-I- tl;dr
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:35 AM on October 6, 2009 [7 favorites]

WidgetAlley: "FunkyHelix, you didn't go to school in Clarksville, TN, did you? My school's mascot is also the Governors.."

Nope. South Amboy, NJ.
posted by FunkyHelix at 10:37 AM on October 6, 2009

There's definitely stealth communism in the Purple Pounders logo.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:38 AM on October 6, 2009

Wichita State U's basketball team is the Shockers. That's right. As in shocks of wheat. Because there certainly isn't anything else Kansas is known for. :-|
posted by katillathehun at 10:39 AM on October 6, 2009

I was supposed to go the Huron and be a River Rat but instead I went to Community High and didn't have a mascot but were known as the Rainbow Zebra with no name.
posted by janelikes at 10:43 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I went to Ridgewood High School in Ridgewood, NJ. We were the Maroons. So many jokes, so little time... Bugs Bunny, "What a maroon!"

I knew what the color maroon is. Then, in college, I found out what a maroon was. An upper-middle-class mostly white suburban high school has "runaway slave" as its mascot? The weird thing is that nobody knew about that. Everyone just assumed that maroon meant the color.
posted by workerant at 10:47 AM on October 6, 2009

My personal hometown favorites: the Lewisville Fighting Farmers and the Forney Jackrabbits.

My school was the Lions; we occasionally played the Christians, and, well, we all know how that usually turns out.
posted by albrecht at 10:47 AM on October 6, 2009

Go Shockers!
posted by ElvisJesus at 10:49 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I came in here to share my high school's mascots, the Popes and Lady Popes, but it appears that desjardines beat me to it. What she failed to mention was that, because it is sacrilegious to dress up like the Pope, the school used a bear or a bee as the mascot at football and basketball games.
posted by betty botter at 10:52 AM on October 6, 2009

I went to Garfield, NJ High. The Boilermakers generally weren't very good sports teams in the mid-1970's but the mascot/logo was, and remains, pretty cool.
posted by ElvisJesus at 10:54 AM on October 6, 2009

Everyone just assumed that maroon meant the color.

I'm pretty sure that's what my school was going for - the color was maroon, the mascot was a chicken. Kind of like the Crimson, Cardinal, Violets, etc.
posted by Pax at 11:01 AM on October 6, 2009

The Macon Whoopees with an obligatory fighting whooping crane.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 11:04 AM on October 6, 2009

Not nearly as cool as the Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes. Ok, the Live Oaks Acorn comes pretty close.
posted by giraffe at 11:05 AM on October 6, 2009

Speaking of the Crimson and Cardinal, I was challenged recently to name as many (pro) teams as I could whose plural didn't end in S (Jazz, Magic, Heat, etc - White and Red Sox are marginal). What are members of the team called (this is why I add the Sox - you can say Yankee (barf) but not Red Sock...)?
posted by Pax at 11:05 AM on October 6, 2009

the Maroons (a Phoenix, which just really looked like a chicken)

Wait a minute...how do you know what the Phoenix mascot actually looks like? Did you GO to a game? Because that's really not appropriate U of C behavior.

on 1 in ten million chance that there is another college with a combination maroon-phoenix mascot thing, I apologize.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:08 AM on October 6, 2009

My high school was the Englewood Pirates.

Not in Cali: -1
Poor White Kids: -1
Land Locked State with a fucking pirate mascot: -1zabillion

Endless Puns: +3zabillion
posted by Gravitus at 11:10 AM on October 6, 2009

Weird college mascots: Amherst has Lord Jeff

Huh.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:12 AM on October 6, 2009

My high school had the whippet as a mascot.

Mine too, and it was a pretty accurate description of what was going on in the practice field behind the stadium during football games.
posted by gladly at 11:14 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

What, no mention of the Tivy High School Fighting Antlers? I remember driving past that place one day and going "... seriously, just the antlers? You can't even spring for the whole deer/moose/whatever???"

(My own high school mascot was the dragons, which I regarded at the time as sufficiently bitchin'.)
posted by marginaliana at 11:14 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

how do you know what the Phoenix mascot actually looks like? Did you GO to a game? Because that's really not appropriate U of C behavior.

I wasn't very appropriate to the U of C, true.
posted by Pax at 11:15 AM on October 6, 2009

I have a tradition of giving my wife a t-shirt from a school with an oddball sports mascot for an Xmas gift every year. Our favorite is the Yuma High School Criminals. Crim Pride!
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:15 AM on October 6, 2009

I attended one of the many high schools with Panthers as a mascot. It was especially awesome when we were playing another high school with Panthers as a mascot. "Go, Panthers! Beat the Panthers!"

This may explain more about my adult personality than I would like it to. H'm. I'm rooting for the Plate o' Beans now. (But you can't get me to dress up in the Beanie costume.)
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:18 AM on October 6, 2009

Orville Sash forgot to mention that the other high school we both went to had an "anti-zebra" as their mascot.

But no official sports teams. For that, you needed to be a River Rat or a Pioneer Pioneer.
posted by klangklangston at 11:22 AM on October 6, 2009

My Favorite was always the Teutopolis, IL Wooden Shoes.
posted by DaddyNewt at 11:28 AM on October 6, 2009

We didn't have a pool at Prospect High School (home of the Knights!), so our swim teams had to bus out to Wheeling High School (home of the Wildcats) to share their pool. When the Illinois High School Association sanctioned water polo for the first time in 2002, neither Prospect nor Wheeling could field enough players for a full team. So the two schools combined their forces, forming up like Voltron into a single mighty entity: the Wild Knights!

Color scheme: hot pink and black. (A joke suggestion that went horribly, horribly wrong.)
posted by Iridic at 11:37 AM on October 6, 2009

Freddie Falcon, the former Fighting Quaker Duck.
posted by buzzman at 11:38 AM on October 6, 2009

Here's my design for a MetaFilter Mascot: Ovehttp://mefi.us/images/mefi/link.gifrthinkin' Bean. (not to be confused with Orson Bean)
posted by wendell at 11:45 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Mars Fightin' Planets.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:46 AM on October 6, 2009

I really can't get over how poorly drawn most of those are.

I have never seen their mascot, but here in DC we have the Cardozo High Clerks. Locally-appropriate, but not exactly bursting with enthusiasm.
posted by kittyprecious at 11:48 AM on October 6, 2009

If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
posted by spilon at 11:50 AM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

My high school mascot was the Pioneers, which I always thought was the least intimidating mascot ever. Tigers? Scary. They'll eat you. War Eagles? Scary. They'll dive screaming on you and tear your face off with their sharp claws. Demons? They will drag you to hell. Pioneers? What the hell are they going to do? Build a house and start a family?
posted by vibrotronica at 11:51 AM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm glad to see Madamina already mentioned my alma mater. The Fort Collins High Lamkins.
posted by MNDZ at 11:52 AM on October 6, 2009

My high school were the Beavers. We also had the Lady Beavers, thus completing a rare double positive grammatical error.
posted by Foam Pants at 11:57 AM on October 6, 2009

I know it's not the mascot itself that's hilarious, but no love for the Tranny Tigers of Oakdale, Minnesota? Really?
posted by wreckingball at 12:06 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I always liked my high school mascot---it was dignified and we had nice school colors and it was appropriately violent, relevant to the local area history, and not derogative to any ethnicity or gender.

[I should note that the school was founded in 1987, thus making it much easier to avoid all the little disasters that an older school would have (i.e. Lady Popes).]

I was, indeed, very satisfied with my school mascot. Until Microsoft had to go and codename their infamously bad operating system Longhorn--and name it Vista.

My high school mascot? The longhorn. My hometown? Vista.
posted by librarylis at 12:15 PM on October 6, 2009

My grade school teams were the Pine Village pine knots. I don't think we had a mascot, at least I never saw anyone running around as a knot of wood. The school used to be a high school with the same team name and all.
posted by Feantari at 12:16 PM on October 6, 2009

Henryetta High School in Oklahoma for years had the obvious mascot: the Henryetta Hens. And then they got women's teams, but for some reason they decided they would be called, you guessed it, the Lady Hens.

In the 90s, though, the school decided "Hens" was too effeminate and switched to the Knights. Thought that was stupid to change it myself.
posted by dw at 12:17 PM on October 6, 2009

Oh, I'm so happy the Orofino Maniacs made the list. As mentioned upthread, it becomes more priceless when you know that Orofino is home to Idaho state's mental facility. When we had to play them when I was in high school, I'd crack up every time I saw that poor howling mascot. Juvenile, I know, but good Lord.
posted by Skot at 12:18 PM on October 6, 2009

There are many Bunnies. Here's the local flavor.

My own high school are the Knights/Lady Knights which was kind of stupid. On the other hand, the feeder middle school is the Squires/Squirettes which at least makes some sense.
posted by Fezboy! at 12:23 PM on October 6, 2009

Aww... I thought for sure, the Pine Bush Bushmen and Lady Bushmen would make the cut.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 12:34 PM on October 6, 2009

XQUZYPHYR: "My High School (Teaneck High, NJ) was the Highwaymen. They actually got that name from the school's first coach, Mr. High (catchphrase: "do it the High way"), but then in the 1950's or so they built Route 4 (a major highway that connects to the George Washington Bridge) right across the street from the high school. So everyone thinks we named our team after the goddamn highway."

I'm sure you could have avoided all ridicule if they had just named the team the Highmen.
posted by team lowkey at 12:35 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

my high school had the panthers, which is fine, but dull. The unfortunate thing was that the school was opened in the early 70's and the colours chosen were purple, orange and white. so ugly.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:36 PM on October 6, 2009

My high school was the Monarchs, but I honestly don't know if it was Monarch as in royalty or Monarch as in butterfly.
posted by Lucinda at 12:37 PM on October 6, 2009

workerant & pax, my high school were also the Maroons (and yes, the Bugs Bunny joke was certainly prevalent). It wasn't until I received my high school ring with a little devil engraved on the side that I started to question this. Apparently this school's teams were originally the Maroon Devils, until a wade of satanic panic from parents led to the dropping of the "devil." At least they didn't designate the color itself as evil. . .
posted by dlugoczaj at 12:37 PM on October 6, 2009

Go Dickenson MIDGETS!

Controlling expectations is key to marketing and sales.
posted by StickyCarpet at 12:41 PM on October 6, 2009

My High School, perennial champs, and supposedly more financially spoiled than some of our competitors, went as the Cake Eaters.
posted by StickyCarpet at 12:45 PM on October 6, 2009

Laguna Beach's mascot used to be the "Artists". I guess they've since changed their name.
posted by escher at 12:51 PM on October 6, 2009

Mine was on that list at number 26. The best part was that we had "HOME OF THE HONKERS" in huge letters on the back of our bleachers, and every year the neighboring town's high school students would replace the N with an O. Ah, the clever clever things high schoolers do.
posted by routergirl at 12:52 PM on October 6, 2009

A sea pig might make for a good mascot. (Decals available here...)
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 12:56 PM on October 6, 2009

My high school was the Monarchs

Dear Lord,

I don't ask You for much. Just piles of money, wang enhancement, and occasionally to crush my enemies, see them driven before me, &c &c. But, Lord, I'd count it as a true blessing if you'd find it in Your heart to make this school's cheerleading squad the Dr. Girlfriends. I'd even stop asking about the enemies. For a while.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:01 PM on October 6, 2009 [2 favorites]

It seems to me
That to stay mean
These names should change with time

The New York Muggers
Detroit Murders
And Chicago Mob

Boston Bigots
Texas Swindlers
And the L.A. Cops

Miami Drugs
New Jersey Dumps
Take on the Denver Smog

Seattle Fads
New Orleans Hoods
Milwaukee Cannibals

From Mascot Mania by Jello Biafra & Mojo Nixon
posted by Human Flesh at 1:01 PM on October 6, 2009

In seminary, our softball players were the Near Eastern Semitic Storm-Gods.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:02 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Apparently this school's teams were originally the Maroon Devils, until a wade of satanic panic from parents led to the dropping of the "devil."

It's be neat if, in addition to that, the name was changed from the more sense-making Red Devils due to McCarthyistical paranoia.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:14 PM on October 6, 2009

It'd
posted by Sys Rq at 1:14 PM on October 6, 2009

If I could find a Meloneer costume in the next three weeks I would be very, very happy.
posted by JeffK at 1:18 PM on October 6, 2009

My elementary school was Wiley Elementary. And oh, how we lobbied and lobbied to be the Wiley Coyotes. But nooooo, we were the stupid Eagles instead. Still bitter about that one.
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:24 PM on October 6, 2009

"They forgot the Butte Pirates of Arco, Idaho."

We went to Craters of the Moon this past spring, and while we were in Arco I bought two Butte Pirates hoodies in the grocery store.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 1:25 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Dixie High School. Rebels. Mascot. ROTC Insignia. Not terribly surprising...one of the first schools to re-segregate and become primarily a white school.

(Note: I did not go to Dixie.)
posted by dejah420 at 1:40 PM on October 6, 2009

If I could find a Meloneer costume in the next three weeks I would be very, very happy.

Assuming you mean something that looks like this, well, I can't help you. But if you are just looking to be a giant slice of watermelon, this might do ya.
posted by quin at 1:44 PM on October 6, 2009

When I moved in the middle of my junior year of high school, I went from being a Lady Knight to being a Shepherdess. I felt so demoted!
posted by onhazier at 1:48 PM on October 6, 2009

"According to legend, the Eufaula Ironheads received their mascot nickname from coach Harry "Ironhead" Hansard, who coached at the school at various times during the 20's and 30's. ... Before that, the team was referred to as the Soxless Swedes after head Coach C.D. "Swede" Jamerson."

I note from the roster there that Eufala team captains of the early 20's included "Bood" Pipkins, "Guzz" Glazner, and "Jap" Pyle. That... could have gone badly.
posted by ormondsacker at 1:48 PM on October 6, 2009

Best line from the previously mentioned Yuma Criminals home page: "This is going to be the best year of the next 100 to come."

In other words, it's all downhill from here. Or perhaps they are afraid of alienating the alumni, since they're criminals.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 2:12 PM on October 6, 2009

I was at Sarah Lawrence College when the administration decided we needed to have Sports in order to attract more boys. They had a vote and apparently "Gryphons" won. I remember "Ravens" was an option, but there was a fierce write-in campaign for "Black Squirrels," one of the best selling school shirts at the time saying "SLC: Where Even the Squirrels Wear Black." I was very sad they chose Gryphons, although it's fitting the mascot is as mythical as the sports teams.
posted by threeturtles at 2:16 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Rapid City Central Cobblers -- school mascot is a homunculus shoemaker wearing a mortarboard and leaning on a last.
posted by joaquim at 2:42 PM on October 6, 2009

I came in here to share my high school's mascots, the Popes and Lady Popes

Would it really have caused that much trouble to have the Popes and the Joans?
posted by dilettante at 2:49 PM on October 6, 2009

Blessed are the Cheesemakers.
(I was hoping for a guy in a wedge-of-cheddar mascot suit, but oh well.)
posted by pernoctalian at 3:10 PM on October 6, 2009

We were the Highlanders and the Lady Highlanders. Kilts and all.

Except I guess that wasn't threatening enough so the Football team was the Wolfpack.

So we had two mascots at pep rallies. It was weird.
posted by smackfu at 3:19 PM on October 6, 2009

My high school were the Hilltoppers. The mascot was a guy with muttonchops, lederhosen, and an ice axe. I never heard the story behind it. We had hills, but nothing quite so alpine.

My favorite from the link has to be the Sugar Beeter -- I just love the gleeful look on its face.

In college we had the Nads and the Balls. Fun, but probably trying too hard.
posted by Marit at 3:35 PM on October 6, 2009

What would Metafilter's high school mascot be?

Men's team: Hardcore Taters
Women's team: Softcore Taters
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:44 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

We were the generic Lions, however we had an amazing mural on the wall in our gym that we hoped would be intimidating.

In college I was there for the creation of the sports team (ultimate frisbee) and we could chose our name, first our coach wanted to go with "The Terrorists" that got shot down by the President of the school. After our first game he named us the "Skunks", there is no longer any sports at my college.
posted by lilkeith07 at 4:25 PM on October 6, 2009

I was sure that Austin High School's Mr. Maroo would have made it on this list. He has been described lovingly by alumni, students, and rivals as:
"He is a hairy, 1.1 meters tall mutant transmorph with extraterrestrial parents. He is the embodiment of the 'spirit of the Austin High Maroons.'"
"an overgrown dust bunny"
""A piece of belly lint"
"It's one of the goblins chasing Pac-Man"

Anyways, I always wondered the origins of Mr. Maroo.
posted by hillabeans at 4:25 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

That linked site mentions the New Berlin (IL) Pretzels, but many years ago I came upon the high school Pretzels in a different Illinois town: Freeport. We were eating in a local pizza parlor when the high school kids working there turned the game on the radio, and the first thing I heard was, "And the Pretzels bring the ball upcourt..." (They told us the Germans from Pennsylvania and also Europe who settled in the area brought their love of pretzels with them, which included starting local bakeries.)

Getting directions to the school, we went off to watch the end of the game, and as I entered the gym the opposing cheerleaders released the greatest cry I have ever heard at a sporting event: "Kill the Pretzels!!"

The best nickname I ever saw, though, doesn't appear on that list. While driving the coast of Texas back in those years, as well, we came upon this huge high school stadium along the highway — checking, I see that it was Port Lavaca, and the place holds 6,000 people. There is a giant sign mounted there that says "Home of the Fighting Sand Crabs."
posted by LeLiLo at 4:26 PM on October 6, 2009

I was amused to see that the Avon Old Farms School Winged Beaver made the list, since I married an alum. The woman who founded the school, Theodate Pope Riddle, was an architect who survived the sinking of the Lusitania and was somehow inspired to found a boy's school. Avon has one of the most beautiful campuses I've seen anywhere ever.

My high school team, on the other hand, was the Shawnee Renegades (and this was New Jersey). They've toned it way down now, but the depiction of the fierce Native American "renegade" mascot in the 1970's used to make me cringe.

I much prefer the Scarlet Knights of college days, especially over the earlier "Queensmen" and Chanticleer mascot (still not crazy about the yearbook being called the Scarlet Letter). Of course my favorite college mascot is the U.C. Santa Cruz banana slug. Go slugs!
posted by gudrun at 4:47 PM on October 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

We had the Hanover Park Hornets. At least it was a mean insect, but we always got stomped by the Morristown Colonials. Their mascot looked like George Washington and their band had great colonial army uniforms.

hexatron's wife
posted by hexatron at 5:34 PM on October 6, 2009

My university mascot was the Colonial. Awesomely, during my tenure, the University took over and colonized most of the surrounding neighborhood, as well as a smaller, weaker school. It was apt.
posted by Alison at 6:34 PM on October 6, 2009

Being a Frankfort Hot Dog (Class of '82) was one of the most embarrassing facts of my adolescence. Now it's just a fun thing to toss out in discussions like this. I think I can remember when they first painted that rabid dachshund in the center of the gym floor; most people, parents and students, were appalled.
posted by worldswalker at 7:28 PM on October 6, 2009

The shadier element in Columbia, MO love the phonetical enunciation of the Hickman High School mascot, the Kewpie (pronounced Q-P).
posted by schyler523 at 7:37 PM on October 6, 2009

The Kernels home town of Mitchell, SD is also home to the fabulous Mitchell Corn Palace.
posted by mexican at 7:45 PM on October 6, 2009

Regarding the Pekin, Illinois "Chinks" -- I've been told by a native that the name of the town was lifted from Peking, China, supposedly because the town used to have a porcelain/fine china manufacturing base. The "Chinks" followed from that, supposedly, but probably apocryphal. Wikipedia gives a little detail on the Chinks.

Also, Wilco. "I wanna be your kingpin; living in . . . Pekin."
posted by Mid at 9:40 PM on October 6, 2009

No commentary on the Earlham FightingHustling Quakers is complete without their fight song:
Fight, Fight, Inner Light!
Kill, Quakers, Kill!
Knock 'em Down, Beat 'em Senseless!
Do It 'til We Reach Consensus!

Add my sister's boarding school to the list of mysterious "Maroons" - are so many people really boring enough to just pick a color / tone-deaf enough to think slavery references are a good idea?

My college alma mater, meanwhile, is on a quest for a new mascot, having let the atrocious Colonel Ebirt stand in as a placeholder for too many years (bird suggestions are popular because the school logo continued to include feathers for many years after the "Indian" mascot disappeared - this ended with the NCAA's decision allowing W&M to keep the name "The Tribe" but requiring us to ditch the feathers). Here's hoping for something decent, although anything is better than Ebirt.
posted by naoko at 10:28 PM on October 6, 2009

Oh also, I briefly attended a school whose sports teams were the Lords and Ladies, which is confusing when discussing/reading about the women's teams: "The Lady whats? Just "The Ladies," you say? Ok then..."
posted by naoko at 10:35 PM on October 6, 2009

The list doesn't include my personal favorite, the Fort Collins Fighting Lambkins. I remain unimpressed.

As a graduate of Fort Collins High School (and now a student teacher there) I feel the need to defend the mascot. It's terribly, awfully silly but unlike most mascots it actually does inspire a modicum of school spirit. First, we're just the "lambkins," not the "fighting lambkins." And the students were given a chance a few decades ago to change the mascot but voted overwhelmingly to keep it. And while the technical definition of a lambkin may be a very small, young lamb, any good Lambkin will tell you that that means a lambkin is really a lamb fetus. Yeah, that's right. I can tell from here you're quaking in your boots.

While the current mascot incarnation (his name is Clyde) actually looks somewhat fierce (because it's actually a drawing of a gorilla with floppy ears and fur added on), some of the past incarnations are decidedly less so. And there is definitely no mistaking the prancing lamb smack in the middle of the school seal. If you're really looking for a good time come to one of the football games where everyone does the lambkin dance -- hold your hands out close to your chest, jump in the air and kick delicately. If you want to go all out you can paw the ground afterward.

I know there are at least a couple other lambkin alumni here on mefi, including the aptly named woolylambkin.
posted by lilac girl at 10:41 PM on October 6, 2009 [3 favorites]

Maroons is a totally cool team name. Who could be more bad-ass than an escaped slave who burns down plantations? Wildcats? Ooooh, I'm shiverin'!
posted by Jimmy Havok at 11:24 PM on October 6, 2009

The first high school I went to was the Colonial Beach Drifters. Originally the imagery used was a boat, since a drifter is a type of fishing boat and where the name came from. It ended up being a piratey looking guy.

Anyone who isn't from around here, and most from here, think of it as the other type of drifter, and in fact The Simpsons used the name Drifters for one of their fictitious teams.
posted by SuzySmith at 12:13 AM on October 7, 2009

New Braunsfels, TX is Unicorn Country. Their t-shirts are all kind of awesome. "Go Unicorns" at the local dollar store.
posted by dog food sugar at 3:36 AM on October 7, 2009

The public high school in my parents' town is the "Cosmos." How do you represent a "Cosmo?" No, it's not a star. Or a galaxy. It's an Arm & Hammer. Apparently the "Springfield Flaming Communists" was already taken. Or something.

I went to a private high school whose colors were orange and black and whose mascot was the Wildcats. Our rival... had orange and black colors and their mascot was the Wildcats. Homecoming was very confusing.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:18 AM on October 7, 2009

How do you represent a "Cosmo?"

Well, dunno if Michael Richards has been doing much lately. After all, Kramer's slapsticky moves and aggressive hairdo just scream "mascot."
posted by dlugoczaj at 6:00 AM on October 7, 2009

My high school's teams were called the Phoenix. I actually remember people arguing about whether it was the Phoenix or the Phoenixes, because according to myth there is only one phoenix at a time. If I recall correctly there was a phoenix costume -- which was in blue and gray because those were the school's colors.

Then I went to college (the Beavers) and now grad school (the Quakers -- but sometimes I've heard them called the Fighting Quakers, which makes no sense at all). Apparently I have some sort of bad mascot luck.

And apparently we're not the only place to have "fighting Quakers".
posted by madcaptenor at 6:06 AM on October 7, 2009

Here in the Bible Belt we have the Wake Forest University Demon Deacons. The Demon part has created a lot of controversy over the years so by and large it has been dropped. For example the fan club is named The Screamin' Deacons and the kids' fan club is the Mighty Deacs. However they still use the Demon to sell merchandise...cause nothing moves merchandise better than Satan.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:22 AM on October 7, 2009

My high school's mascot is the Blue Raiders. Based on one Nathan Bedford Forrest. You know, the guy who started the Klan.
posted by grubi at 7:00 AM on October 7, 2009

My first college roommate was a Richland Bomber. She had a nuke hoodie and everything.

I also knew a Sultan Turk.
posted by Neofelis at 7:10 AM on October 7, 2009

My grandfather was the runningback for the 1946 Georgia state football championship team the Cairo Syrupmakers.

From Wikipedia: "During a driving rainstorm in the middle of a football game many years ago, workers at the local syrup shelter brought over their rain coats labeled 'Roddenberry's Syrup' on the backs of the jackets to keep the players dry. Roddenberry's was known for many other products like peanut butter and pickles and fortunately the "SYRUPMAKERS" portion of the plant was closer than the 'BUTTERCHURNERS' and the 'PICKLEPACKERS.' "
posted by robstercraw at 10:35 AM on October 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

Human Flesh - Funny you should bring up Jello Biafra. He spoke at my university back in the 80's and the first thing he said when he got on stage was that he usually tells students to ignore everything the administration tells them, "but then I saw your mascot". We were the Idaho Vandals.
posted by smartyboots at 11:13 AM on October 7, 2009

While we're on the topic of mascots, I present Cappy, mascot for University of Maine at Machias.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:05 PM on October 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

My wife is a proud spudette from Ridgefield WA.
posted by goutytophus at 12:30 PM on October 7, 2009

Proud to be one of the Klondike Nuggets.
posted by Stig at 2:47 PM on October 7, 2009

what
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:57 PM on October 7, 2009