I once went clubbing fifteen nights in a row. I've seen almost every high-class club in this area, but somehow I always end up at CLUB BACARDI.

November 30, 2010 6:36 AM

Welcome to CLUB BACARDI™, the hottest cyber club around. Try your luck at Cyber BlackJack in the Martini Casino. Show off your sleuthing skills in the Martini Mystery Game. Or just hobnob with the BACARDI Limón VIP Room regulars. I hear J.C. just broke up with her boyfriend.

The image map on the front page has sadly not survived the test of time, but you can explore every seedy corner of CLUB BACARDI™ from the site map.

Some pages require Shockwave. Yes, Shockwave.

posted by 256 (63 comments total)

Bacardi Limon VIP room...um, er, wow. So basically someone was paid to write Bacardi fan fiction? Wonders will never cease.
posted by pointystick at 6:38 AM on November 30, 2010

Bacardi Blue!
posted by fixedgear at 6:44 AM on November 30, 2010 [3 favorites]

I wonder what the total commercial value has been to the Bacardi folks of the coincidence that it rhymes with party.
posted by jfuller at 6:45 AM on November 30, 2010 [6 favorites]

This is one of those this-has-got-to-be-spam-mods-hurry-and-ban-this-guy-no-wait-you're-legit-and-going-for-a-certain-tone-never-mind-carry-on posts.
posted by mreleganza at 6:45 AM on November 30, 2010 [18 favorites]

I prefer the cold, clean taste of Cloudmir Vodka, thank you.
posted by griphus at 6:47 AM on November 30, 2010 [4 favorites]

Animated GIF party up in here! Get down like it's 1997! Where my Internet Pioneers at?

My favorite effort to woo the club-goers is the series of Coke DJ-Culture singles. It's largely a German thing, with actual producers making actual songs, and apparently club nights.
posted by filthy light thief at 6:51 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

Let's get 4 Loko loco! Rum is for yer old dad.
posted by clvrmnky at 6:53 AM on November 30, 2010

Stumbled over this on youtube a bit back and the nostalgia hit was a killer... if you went to the cinema in the UK in the 90s it was before just about every film
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:55 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

By any sane measure the world was better back then.
posted by cromagnon at 7:00 AM on November 30, 2010 [5 favorites]

Because Bacardi makes the night come alive...with freshness!
posted by AugieAugustus at 7:05 AM on November 30, 2010

I wonder what the total commercial value has been to the Bacardi folks of the coincidence that it rhymes with party.

Only in countries where they speak English such that a "t" in the middle of a word is indistinguishable from a "d".

Bacarti? Pardy?
posted by kcds at 7:09 AM on November 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

I think the flashing dance floor on the front page has short-circuited and is electrocuting the patrons.
posted by davemee at 7:11 AM on November 30, 2010

Shockwave! The first site I looked at online, after TV Cream, was probably Radiskull and Devil Doll.

Can I get a Bolt badge for looking at this site?
posted by mippy at 7:13 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

Only in countries where they speak English such that a "t" in the middle of a word is indistinguishable from a "d".

That's where I live! USA! USA! USA!
posted by josher71 at 7:16 AM on November 30, 2010 [16 favorites]

clvrmnky: Let's get 4 Loko loco! Rum is for yer old dad.

What's the deal with that? I've been seeing a flurry lately of Facebook statuses that are a variation of: "Oh man, stupid 4 Loko, I went to a tasting party and then I blacked out and now I've woken up in a sand dune in Namibia and all I'm wearing is an eyepatch on my naughty bits. Send help."
posted by Kattullus at 7:17 AM on November 30, 2010 [7 favorites]

The media discovered it to WARN US OF THE DANGERS, the government deemed it banworthy...so sales are up 400%.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 7:21 AM on November 30, 2010

Can I sign up for this using Beenz?
posted by felix at 7:21 AM on November 30, 2010 [8 favorites]

I used to be a big fan of Bacardi Limon mixed with Dr. Pepper. I also used to wear insanely baggy pants.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 7:25 AM on November 30, 2010 [6 favorites]

What's the deal with that? I've been seeing a flurry lately of Facebook statuses that are a variation of ...

Four Loko aka 'Blackout in a Can.'
posted by ericb at 7:26 AM on November 30, 2010

Some bastard friend of mine bought a can of 4 Loko Watermelon, which we (in the spirit of noble science) decided to experimentally sip upon out of fancy glasses. It was a freakish shade of neon pink... it looked like Paris Hilton's quim. Somehow it managed to taste even worse - I expected it to burn straight through my esophagus, down through my torso, out the bottom of my pelvis, and through seven decks of the Nostromo before becoming chemically inert.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:26 AM on November 30, 2010 [14 favorites]

Can I sign up for this using Beenz?

Yep. You can also use Flooz.

Oh, and Kozmo.com will deliver Bacardi rum, as long as you can prove that you're 21 y.o.
posted by ericb at 7:31 AM on November 30, 2010 [5 favorites]

I beg you, don't be tardy.

Stop reading Thomas Hardy.

My broken glass is shardy.

It's time to drink Bacardi.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:35 AM on November 30, 2010 [3 favorites]

Mary, marry, merry? lolamirite?
posted by fixedgear at 7:38 AM on November 30, 2010

pepsiblue, no?
posted by outlandishmarxist at 7:40 AM on November 30, 2010

Re Four Loko: It's in the process of being banned by the FDA along with all caffeine-and-alcohol products. The solution is to sell FOUR, which is a fruity malt-liquor bevarage, and LOKO, which is an energy shot. Then the purchaser mixes them.

Please note that all comments here are copyright their original owners and I am available for licensing discussions.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:42 AM on November 30, 2010 [4 favorites]

THe kingdom of the animals
whos phyla number ten
can easily be mastered
by quiet study in your den.


Each animal in nature
is classified for you
This system of taxonomy
you can easily pursue.
posted by notsnot at 7:47 AM on November 30, 2010

Only in countries where they speak English such that a "t" in the middle of a word is indistinguishable from a "d".

That's where I live! USA! USA! USA!

Maybe I'm alone, but I discriminate and can distinguish between these in the US. Medial T sounds are a little sharper than Ds even when not enunciating carefully.
posted by DU at 7:47 AM on November 30, 2010

Only thing missing is an offer to join the Bacardi webring.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 7:57 AM on November 30, 2010 [6 favorites]

I wonder what the total commercial value has been to the Bacardi folks of the coincidence that it rhymes with party.

I have a long term business plan to get into the cheese business and then convince Young Jeezy that havarti is the next cool thing to rap about having at a party.
posted by rollbiz at 7:59 AM on November 30, 2010 [4 favorites]

Bonzi Buddy is lurking in the toilet pickpocketing peoples wallets.
posted by fire&wings at 8:00 AM on November 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

Paris Hilton's quim

That's totally the (new) name of my (fictitious) all-girl hardcore band.

Also, does ironic nostalgia for things I completely remember and don't seem to be that old mean that (a) nostalgia is moving a lot faster than it used to or (b) I'm older than I want to admit to myself?
posted by JoanArkham at 8:02 AM on November 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

Yeah, the school of advertising that says fanfiction is totally going to win over people who aren't already fans of your product? Those guys went on to make alternate reality games.
posted by LogicalDash at 8:04 AM on November 30, 2010

Duff Man says: Ooooh Yeah!

I say: urg
posted by edgeways at 8:06 AM on November 30, 2010

JoanArkham: "Also, does ironic nostalgia for things I completely remember and don't seem to be that old mean that (a) nostalgia is moving a lot faster than it used to or (b) I'm older than I want to admit to myself"

It took decades for cassettes to replace 8-tracks, but just a few years for webrings to die. I'd say it's the former.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:06 AM on November 30, 2010

I wonder what the total commercial value has been to the Bacardi folks of the coincidence that it rhymes with party.

Only in countries where they speak English such that a "t" in the middle of a word is indistinguishable from a "d".

Also, the name is actually pronounced Bacar-DEE as there is an accent over the i. So there's that as well!
posted by DrGirlfriend at 8:11 AM on November 30, 2010

Also, does ironic nostalgia for things I completely remember and don't seem to be that old mean that (a) nostalgia is moving a lot faster than it used to or (b) I'm older than I want to admit to myself?

Both of those things are probably true BUT this case does not necessarily "mean" either one.

You can have small nostalgia "loops" inside of large ones. I.e. I can be nostalgic for clocks from the 40s, movies from the 60s, videogames from the 80s and jobs-I've-held from the 00s. Nostalgia for web stuff is for now limited to the shorter types, which would explain why there is nostalgia for things that aren't that old.
posted by DU at 8:20 AM on November 30, 2010

That site must have been built by an amateur. I don't see an HTML Writers Guild badge on it.
posted by usonian at 8:23 AM on November 30, 2010 [3 favorites]

> Maybe I'm alone, but I discriminate and can distinguish between these in the US.
> Medial T sounds are a little sharper than Ds even when not enunciating carefully.

In the kind of song where the writer rhymes Bacardi with party, subtle discriminations are not an issue.
posted by jfuller at 8:30 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

Screw the Bacardi and Four Loko. It's Smirnoff Raw Tea where the Partay's at!
posted by ericb at 8:37 AM on November 30, 2010

Web stuff changes so fast that it's a form of ultra-short-term nostalgia. If only Ballard had been with us long enough to complete his meisterwork, 'O Rly Leisure Centre'
posted by mippy at 8:43 AM on November 30, 2010

I beg you, don't be tardy.
Stop reading Thomas Hardy.
My broken glass is shardy.
It's time to drink Bacardi.

I'm telling Mathartie.

1997 was the worst. The best memory I can dredge up is "I sure listened to Pinkerton a lot that summer, huh?" Up yours, awful year. I'm off to append "Cyber-" to as many words as possible.
posted by mintcake! at 9:01 AM on November 30, 2010

prepend?
posted by mintcake! at 9:02 AM on November 30, 2010

Hmm, I think 97 was the year I devoted to industrious research in the effects of cheap booze on my liver. To be clear, Bacardi was not cheap enough to qualify.

For a retro style should-have-been soundtrack I propose this (SYTL).
posted by LD Feral at 9:15 AM on November 30, 2010

its like the best party Ive ever seen and its IN MY COMPUTERBOX!!!
posted by Senor Cardgage at 9:16 AM on November 30, 2010

Go here and click play. Open the CLUB BACARDI site in a new tab and join in on the PAR-DAY!

It's like I'm living IN THE FUTURE.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:21 AM on November 30, 2010

Let's go party
Bring the Bacardi

We'll act naughty
eatin' havarti
posted by mmrtnt at 9:27 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

(With apologies)

I beg you, don't be tardy.
Stop reading Thomas Hardy.
My broken glass is shardy.
Toss out the chardy
It's time to drink Bacardi.
Drink some Bacardi
posted by mmrtnt at 9:31 AM on November 30, 2010

I wonder what the total commercial value has been to the Bacardi folks of the coincidence that it rhymes with party.

There's an personal injury attorney in my neck of the woods who, despite a good deal of public criticism of his actual performance, has made himself fabulously wealthy by virtue of the fact that his name rhymes with "car".
posted by Phlogiston at 9:39 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

Re Four Loko: It's in the process of being banned by the FDA along with all caffeine-and-alcohol products. The solution is to sell FOUR, which is a fruity malt-liquor bevarage, and LOKO, which is an energy shot. Then the purchaser mixes them.

Utah, once again, innovates: (circa 2001)

Side Car:Utah doesn’t have the free pour. Each shot of hard alcohol, served in Utah, is required by law to be no more than one fluid ounce. If you want a double, the bartender cannot, by law, give it to you. But you can ask for a side car. A side car is a single shot served along side your mixed drink (often with the unspoken intention of adding it to your drink).
posted by lalochezia at 10:23 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

It kills me how clean, simple, and human-readable the HTML was at that point.
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 10:30 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: I definitely don't feel like a Susan.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:35 AM on November 30, 2010

It kills me how clean, simple, and human-readable the HTML was at that point.

Yeah, it doesn't look ugly until you render it.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:39 AM on November 30, 2010 [3 favorites]

Welcome to Club MDMA
posted by phaedon at 10:39 AM on November 30, 2010

nobody wants to party with sticklers for pronunciation...
posted by sexyrobot at 10:52 AM on November 30, 2010

Some bastard friend of mine bought a can of 4 Loko Watermelon, which we (in the spirit of noble science) decided to experimentally sip upon out of fancy glasses. It was a freakish shade of neon pink... it looked like Paris Hilton's quim. Somehow it managed to taste even worse - I expected it to burn straight through my esophagus, down through my torso, out the bottom of my pelvis, and through seven decks of the Nostromo before becoming chemically inert.

The Nostromo only had 3 decks: "A Deck" which was fashioned in white plastic, and was as clean as the Nostromo could get and housed the bridge, the kitchen/dining area, MU-TH-UR interface room, autodoc and the "freezers." "B Deck" which was mostly housing and corridors, "C Deck" was where all the mining equipment was stored, as well as the lockers that Jones hid in (and Lambert met her end in front of), the landing leg Brett met his end beneath, and of course, Ash's science blister.
posted by Brainy at 11:06 AM on November 30, 2010 [6 favorites]

Re: those lazy consonances

Well, there is a particular way North Americans drawl out words with hard consonant sounds with some kinds of endings.

Most places in English-speaking places I've visited have a lot of trouble with the mumble-mouthed way we pronounce words like "water" for example. The "dd" sound coupled with the back-of-the-throat "er" sound is just mud to the rest of the world. There are a few other word forms that are similarly troublesome.

One learns early to affect what sounds like a snooty English accent in order to actually be understood, and get your drink: "May I have a wat-tah, please."
posted by clvrmnky at 11:09 AM on November 30, 2010

Ash's science blister.

I don't even want to know how he got that.
posted by mmrtnt at 11:28 AM on November 30, 2010

The Nostromo only had 3 decks

Also, as most people really don't want to "chew off [their] arm", or "shove pencils in [their] eyes", or "hot-glue [their] ears shut", Seven decks of Nostromo is probably an exaggeration.
posted by mmrtnt at 11:32 AM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

The solution is to sell FOUR, which is a fruity malt-liquor bevarage, and LOKO, which is an energy shot. Then the purchaser mixes them.

I think you want to go with the FOUR for the energy drink because you can claim it has FOUR vitalizing ingredients (ginseng, caffeine, guarana, taurine...or something) and then sell the LOKO booze as a single serving shot. That lets you compete in a secondary market of non-alcoholic energy drinks with a full-size can product and it lets people double down (triple, etc.) on booze without having to increase volume consumed as much.
posted by juv3nal at 12:07 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

Of course you want to subtly encourage people that if they want the full FOUR LOKO experience, they should be taking 4 LOKO shots per can of FOUR. It only makes sense.

it's a good thing I've sworn never to use my powers for evil
posted by juv3nal at 12:18 PM on November 30, 2010

juv3nal, nice idea but selling high-ABV liquor shots would greatly reduce the outlets that you could sell the product in, due to licensing laws.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:48 PM on November 30, 2010

The solution is to sell FOUR, which is a fruity malt-liquor bevarage, and LOKO, which is an energy shot. Then the purchaser mixes them.

Or, just order 'Vodka Red Bulls.'
posted by ericb at 1:57 PM on November 30, 2010

I sent this to my dad. He said "Are bars actually like that?"
posted by NoraReed at 4:57 PM on November 30, 2010